Unspeakable Things: Silence, Shame, and the Stories We Choose to Believe

by Brooke Nevils

A powerful and personal examination of our most persistent and dangerous misunderstandings, myths and stereotypes about sexual harassment and assault.

In 2017, Brooke Nevils made a confidential HR complaint about one of the most powerful and familiar faces in media. Twenty-four hours later, the highest paid morning news anchor in history was fired, stunning millions of Americans in one of the MeToo era’s defining stories. Demanding answers—and the intimate details of the most personal and painful humiliation of her life—the press soon discovered her identity.

But hers was not the kind of black-and-white story the media knew how to tell. There’d been no explicit threats. She hadn’t screamed, fought or gone to the police. Instead, she returned to her abuser again and again in a frantic attempt to “fix” an impossible situation that threatened her livelihood and the people closest to her. Yet as MeToo unfolded, Brooke learned that messy stories like hers were far from the exception, and that nearly everything she’d believed about sexual harassment and assault—and how victims react to it—was wrong. She began a years-long effort to confront and understand her own experience, not simply as a woman reckoning with her past, but as a journalist confronting the critical questions that MeToo asked but ultimately left unanswered.

Through groundbreaking interviews with leading clinicians, forensic professionals, attorneys and frontline researchers, Unspeakable Things challenges our understanding of consent, power, and the lingering, often misunderstood effects of trauma and shame. Despite its rarefied setting at the height of fame, power and American media, Brooke’s story serves as a textbook example of an all-too-common scenario that continues to devastate lives and enable abusers. This book is a powerful re-examination of everything we think we know, the start to a new conversation and—for anyone who has ever felt ashamed, hopeless, alone and afraid—a light in the dark.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Feminism, Biography

411 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 3, 2026

Reviews

[Karen Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dear Matt Lauer,
I hope you spend your remaining years paralyzed by shame and an overwhelming sense of self pity and regret for your actions. I hope your 3 children read this book and recoil in disgust from it. I hope someday men like you no longer exist.
Sincerely,
Audiobook Listener

[Carolyn Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rare is a 5 star rating from me. This memoir deserved it, brave, authentic, informative, well researched. I highly recommend.

[Michelle Jarc · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much to take away from this book. First, if you have a daughter, do yourself a favor and read this. What happened to Brooke Nevils is not the entirety of this book. It is more about understanding what sexual assault and sexual harassment are and how that trauma is life long. It is rarely "textbook rape". You always want to say "why didn't they just leave?", "why didn't they report it sooner?". It is so easy for us to judge until you are in that situation yourself. Second, rich and powerful men that take advantage of any "weaker" female - whether it be a news anchor, coach, teacher, business owner, actor - whoever, I really hope there is a hot place in hell for these people. It is hard not to grow my rage when reading books like this when Epstein is in the news almost daily.
Third, these are some quotes that had the biggest impact on me:
1)"Why should the own-ness be on women to navigate men's advances, and not on men to stop making them?" - because "boys will be boys", right? Are we just to excuse these men because they cannot control their impulses? The entitlement of these powerful men is maddening. (And, honestly - its not always powerful men).
2) "Again and again Matt's argument isn't an assertion of innocence, but a deflection of blame".
3) "Anyone who chooses to hold a position of power is accountable for not abusing those who have less power. Period. Desire and attraction have nothing to do with it. As it stands today, we leave victims alone and ashamed."

Highly recommend.

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is an important book to read. It covers the topic of consent and how it’s not as black and white as we might think. It made me question my own thoughts on the definition of sexual assault.

I wish she had focused more on her story and less on all of the legal/scientific aspects. Some is important but there was a bit too much in my opinion.

[Grace Ivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extremely tough but important read.

[Mark Robison · Rating 5 out of 5]

So well-done. This could've easily been a straightforward memoir about the author's allegations against a celebrity (NBC "Today" host Matt Lauer) — I've certainly read enough of those: a little biography, the warning signs, the assault, the aftermath, the hopeful epilogue.

This is so much better. The author reports on her own case as a journalist would. She publishes Lauer's 4,000-word takedown of her allegations in full. She interviews the expert who testified for the defense in the cases of Harvey Weinstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, Bill Cosby and Jerry Sandusky about the unreliability of traumatic memories.

She seems to always keep her audience in mind: She's writing to her younger self and all women in the workplace who must deal with a superstar performer whose power the employer and her colleagues depend upon. She examines every argument she's had thrown at her, usually finding an expert to talk through the angles. She is open and unflinching about her own actions.

And there's a brief but heart-wrenching passage in the epilogue when she writes about her father who has memory loss and must learn over and over for seemingly the first time about her alleged sexual assault by Lauer.

I use the word "alleged" because Lauer was never convicted but consider the facts stipulated by both sides: He's a $25 million a year celebrity journalist covering the Olympics in Russia; she's a $30,000-a-year assistant. He buys her round after round of vodka shots, asks her to come to his hotel room and then sodomizes her, covering the bed in blood. He says consensual; she says she said no repeatedly and finally relented to get out of the room.

At this point, the book delves into all the myths that surround rape and how "common sense" actions by victims are not the norm. She discusses other high-profile cases that she or Lauer worked on at NBC such as Elizabeth Smart and Bill O'Reilly. She delves into the defense arguments and testimony of prosecution witnesses in the Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby and Brock Turner cases.

I found the whole thing interesting and I learned some things, like how police interviews often conclude the victim isn't credible because she doesn't remember details like the color of the carpeting in the room where she was attacked. (She has an expert explain how trauma victims focus on more important things, generally related to their own survival.) I also think the book will help anyone who's been victimized by a powerful person by explaining the different, very common reactions of people in their shoes in a way that will dispel at least some self-doubt and self-loathing.

This is not a plucky, inspiring self-help book, though. This is tough, thoughtful journalism.

Some excerpts:

* After mentioning how Weinstein endowed a faculty chair at Rutgers in Gloria Steinem's name: When the abuser has taken great pains to make sure they are seen as a good and trustworthy person, the onus then falls on the victim to convince the world otherwise. This is a built-in advantage for the abuser that most victims can never overcome, adding to their confusion and isolation in the aftermath of the abuse.

* In a formal study of fifty offenders in her program, Valliere found that in 83 percent of cases, the people close to the offenders believed in their innocence, even when the offenders confessed or were caught in the act.

* To the media, I was either a coward if I chose to stay silent or an opportunist if I chose to speak for myself.

Even the acknowledgments are worth reading. In it, she mentions having coffee with someone who'd suffered abuse as a child. That person told her: At least the person you reported is famous, otherwise no one would care what happened to you.

Damn.

[Grace B]

I don’t know how to rate this one. It’s very well written and has important messages. However, halfway through reading I learned that the author is married to a political consultant who helped Trump get re-elected (you may recognize Trump from the Epstein Files or famously “grabbing women by the p*****). The author being okay with that makes her messaging on sexual assault (aside from her own experiences, I have no place to judge those accounts) feel ignorant or inauthentic or both.

[Delores · Rating 5 out of 5]

What bothered me most about this story (at the time) was how news journalists everywhere were exploiting the author for sensationalism. It was most certainly a very traumatizing experience for this woman.
What was evident at the time Lauer was finally being exposed, was how no one seemed to care about Nevils' career. A bunch of people tossed money at her and talked about the bad, bad men but what about her career? She was forced to give up her dreams and goals and change job industries. Why? Not a single hero stepped up and said "Hey Brooke, this wasn't something you should have experienced. Let's make it up to you by helping you achieve the goals you had when you first entered broadcasting." No one helped her. That industry is filled with a lot of sick individuals, 99% of the sickos are men suffering from delusions of grandeur.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me reflect on how often people in power abuse those below them. This young woman was sexually harassed by Matt Lauer. She suffered in silence for years. Even when she spoke out she still suffered. Victims are often not believed. Trauma can often destroy someone if they don’t seek help and support.
Power goes to some peoples heads and they don’t care who they hurt.

[HayTinaLou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brooke Nevils has such a sharp style of reporting, I am so thankful for her words. I appreciate her footnotes, this for me is a reference guide and I am recommending it to everyone. I am looking forward to more books by her!

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened - 4.5. This book is not only a memoir, but also extremely educational. If you read Catch and Kill, or Know My Name, this book is for you. And if you haven’t read those, then all three of these books are for you.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truthfully I bought this book for more gossipy reasons. What happened between Brooke and Matt? I quickly realized that this was far more than a “tell-all”. It was educational but in a relatable manner. It was well worth the read and makes you rethink everything you thought you knew.

[Natalie Benavides · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wealth of information and it is a personal story. Also, it brought me rage.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am inspired by Brooke’s complete commitment to sharing a painful and highly personal story with the world. Matt counted on her silence and she did something exceptional by shattering it. I’m not crazy about books where theory is integrated into a memoir. I skipped around most of that and stuck with her story. Both of her parents would be so proud of her. She has absolutely nothing to be ashamed about and everything to share to help others who have been through similar experiences. I have nothing but admiration for her. She may have been a convenience to him at the time, but now she is of great inconvenience to Matt to the delight of all of us reading it. Way to go, Brooke! Enjoy your hard-won beautiful life and thank you.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this so everyone is better about understanding and talking about sexual assault and sexual harassment. The less gray areas there are, the less space for predators to operate in.

[Maggi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an excruciating and sad book to read (technically to listen to). The story of the author's sexual assault is horrible in itself, and the aftermath tragic, though she emerges from her pain stronger and more resilient. Clearly her goal was never to get Matt Lauer fired, but she will be forever blamed for this. She should not be blamed, as it behooved a man with Lauer's standing to act appropriately, respectfully, and professionally, especially with an underling, which she clearly was, despite his protestations about whether she technically worked for the Today Show, a ridiculous argument. Plying a younger colleague (again an underling) with vodka shots and asking her to his hotel room? Clearly inappropriate. But the most ludicrous statement of all about their "encounter" was when he said she was an enthusiastic participant. Having non-vaginal interscourse without any lubrication to the point of bleeding profusely is not something anyone would be enthusiastic about. Labeling a date rape and several other sexual encounters as an "affair" was equally ludicrous; an affair would involve affection, sharing meals and conversations, showing some semblance of actually caring what the other person was feeling, none of which was part of their situation.

Nevils clearly wanted to teach other women about sexual assault, and the psychological damage and permutations of women's sometimes unexpected and even counterintuitive reactions was indeed educational. Why a victim would "go back for more" mistreatment made perfect sense when it was explained that victims often want to normalize a date rape situation, to feel in control, or perhaps to respond differently the next time. The sections on memory, while complicated, made perfect sense too, and Nevils' conclusion that two people can remember the same situation differently was generous, though she may not have intended that. However, the many studies cited, the quotes from numerous experts, and the academic explanations of human behavior became tedious and repetitive. I was eager for the book to end despite my sympathy for the author.

I wish I could tell the author that many of us believed her immediately, (not even knowing who she was, but hearing the allegations, which were not hers alone). The egregious breaking of professional boundaries in the workplace was enough, not even knowing the details. Millions of people didn't question her, though it clearly didn't seem that way to her at the time. Having never read Ronan Farrow's article or book, not seeing any New York tabloids, millions of us simply wondered at the time how Lauer could get away with such grossly inappropriate behavior in the workplace for such a long time. And as for the NBC hosts and co-anchorswho praised him to the skies and were heartbroken, to learn of his firing, they should have realized people can have two faces.
I wish the author peace.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a survivor of sexual assault. It was brutally difficult reading this book. I didn’t just read it once. I read and studied large chunks of it over and over again. As someone who has endured very similar types of sexual assault, my BS meter for testing the veracity of a survivor’s story is calibrated differently than that of the average book reviewer. I look for clear and undeniable hallmarks of sexual trauma in writing. Those indicators can be messy and confusing. I experienced PTSD and uninvited recall while reading this, having to put the book down dozens of times. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to finish it. The research, documentation, and interviews Ms. Nevils offers are thorough and meticulous. I had to carefully discern confirmation bias from her heartbreaking truth. For other survivors reading her book, what gave me moments to breathe was her strategic weaving of interviews and research throughout the fabric of her experience; a fabric ripped and torn throughout. Her impeccable journalistic integrity makes every attempt to examine the most widely accepted, peer-reviewed research by sexual trauma experts. The information she provides about the impact of alcohol on trauma recall in the final chapters is worth the price of the book. To accuse her of seeking a payday completely ignores the reality that no amount of money can make one forget sexual trauma. It can’t buy peace or repair the horrific damage to one’s psyche. It’s a very temporary bandaid. All survivors know this. She managed to somehow record her account while struggling with the loss of her career and the unbearable loss of both parents five years apart. No, it’s not a perfectly written memoir. And while parts of it seem irreconcilable, survivors understand why we try repeatedly to make damaged puzzle pieces fit a perfect picture that no longer exists. Her details are unbearably raw, jagged, and often self-deprecating. She’s not writing what you want to hear. She’s managed to somehow record what screams sound like in print. Hers is an extremely concise dissection of an industry, like countless others, where subordinates are routinely exploited by a hierarchy of tiered power differentials and all the ensuing abuses. Been there. I have nothing to offer Mr. Lauer here. NBC made their decision. What occurred between Mr. Lauer and Ms. Nevils is only known and understood by them alone. I judge neither. Both have experienced unimaginable suffering. I’m simply stating that I recognize all of the markers of sexual trauma in her narrative. It’s enough. From one sexual assault survivor to another, thank you for your bravery, determination, and the untold agony you endured sharing this “cautionary tale.“

[Gracie X · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a painful but necessary account of sexual harassment and the ways the legal system misunderstands rape. As a somatic therapist specializing in PTSD, I’m grateful Nevils wrote it. She dismantles the “perfect rape victim” myth—that it must involve a stranger, that victims must scream and fight, and that they immediately report the crime. In reality, most assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, and trauma often triggers a tend-and-befriend response, especially in women.

Nevils’ description of her brutal assault by Matt Lauer in a hotel room shows a vivid picture of sexual harassment, rape, and institutional complicity. Sexual trauma does not elicit purely logical responses; victims frequently try to make sense of the experience by placating or winning over the perpetrator. It’s like a bomb going off in a person’s psyche, and Nevils guides the reader through that disorienting experience. Some may find the detail tedious, but I found it compelling and appreciated her willingness to share so deeply.

The book is both journalistically sharp and intimately memoiristic. I first learned of it from The Atlantic’s review—titled “Brooke Nevils complicates her story”—an oddly dismissive headline, since these stories are inherently complex. Laws must catch up to the reality of how debilitating these crimes are. I hope this book helps dispel damaging myths.

Nevil does a deep dive into the renowned psychiatrist Judith Herman's work with trauma and, in particular, rape survivors. Who wrote: “Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation.” This book is an important step toward that relational recovery for survivors.

[Julie O'brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book initially thinking it would be the author's account of working at the Today show and being sexually assaulted by Matt Lauer. It turned out to be that (in all its gruesome details) but also so much more.

In the book’s forward, the author says that her goal isn’t to “demand that you believe my side of the story without question, but instead to ask that you question your own beliefs about sexual harassment and assault.” This was a incredibly well-researched and well-written examination of sexual harassment, consent, victim and perpetrator behavior, power dynamics and sex, PTSD, memory, and more. She has done extensive research and consulted with several experts in the fields of sexual assault, rape, forensic psychiatry, memory experts, alcoholism, trauma, and others to explain the challenges in reporting sexual abuse, harassment, and rape and why holding abusers accountable can be so challenging.

Her story was riveting, not just the parts about the Today show but also examining own actions as a journalist before she became a victim, and how they can perpetuate stereotypes about sexual harassment and assault.

I also found the part about her mother’s death so moving, especially and the way she presented her grief and sorrow was so real. Nevils also includes much practical advice for people going through a similar situation, including real action steps you can take.

In today's environment, where several extremely high-ranking members of our government are accused of sexual harassment, this is such an important message and book.

Thank you to the author, Viking Penguin, and NetGalley for giving me the opportunity to read and review this book. All opinions are my own.

[Alicen Schneider · Rating 4 out of 5]

Initially, I assumed that the focus would primarily be on the author’s interactions with Matt Lauer, however this is a book that is about so much more. It’s an authentic journey through one victim’s experiences and subsequent attempts at reasoning and healing as well as a thoroughly researched guide for those that have also been victims and questioned their own roles in patterns of abuse.

I think this is a very important book for anyone..any gender…working in a place where they are a subordinate.

I spent pretty much my entire career at NBCU (I did not work with Lauer). I was gobsmacked when I awoke to the news of his firing. However, my next reaction was one of pride that I worked for a company that didn’t protect their multi-million dollar talent. They did the right thing and they did it swiftly. I know that they wouldn’t have done that just a handful of years before…when women remained silent for fear of retaliation. Forced change was finally happening.

Why 4 stars? That’s simply my personal response to the book meandering a little too long for me on the specific aspect of abuse recovery. That loss of a star should not dissuade as everyone will take from this book what they need.

[Pam Oldham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave Unspeakable Things by Brooke Nevils 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a strong and sobering account of her experience with Matt Lauer and the workplace culture surrounding it. Brooke writes with honesty and clarity, and I appreciated that she did not overdramatize her story. She simply told it. That restraint made it even more powerful.

One line that stayed with me long after I finished was, “Fear makes people afraid of the dark, shame makes people afraid of the light.” That feels like the heartbeat of this book. It so clearly captures the internal battle of carrying fear privately while also wrestling with shame in public. It is such a simple sentence, but it holds so much truth.

This is not an easy read, but it is an important one. Beyond her personal experience, it sheds light on power dynamics, silence, and the cost that often comes with speaking up. I respect her courage in telling her story and the thoughtfulness she brought to it.

Hard, honest, and worth reading.

[Katarina · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Audiobook via Audible*

The bravery to tell her side of the story with details that did not shy away from what she experienced from Matt Lauer while at NBC… wow. What makes this book different is her use of psychology and looking at legal terminology and precedent over sexual assault instances, allegations and court proceedings - in general and from the workplace/someone with more authority or power over the other. She dives into the impact of being in that situation, the trauma, memory/recall bias, stigma and all of that. I loved her analysis and input she add from professionals in the field. It was a heavy, heavy read but powerful. She wrote this as a love letter to her life, to help other women in anyway possible by sharing what she went through, how she struggled and has worked on healing and living a full life now. Incredible. I’m in awe of her.

[Hope Carolina · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those reads that will sit with you for a long time. I can’t describe how well-researched and well-loved this read felt. Subject matter aside, the beating heart of this book is Brooke, who by all appearances is tender-hearted, charismatic, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, and hilarious. It was a pleasure to be in her mind and heart, even as painful as many of the experiences she described absolutely were for her to relieve.

This is a book for anyone experiencing self-loathing and on a quest for hope. There are many passages that took my breath away as Brooke so eloquently described her grief and quiet resilience. The motherhood of it all destroyed me, over and over again. She is a superhero.

My e-book expired before I could pull my favorite quotes and it sort of made me cry. Will be purchasing as soon as I can.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband commented as I was reading: "That must be a good book." My response: "GOOD isn't the word I'd choose. I think it's enlightening." I heard Nevils on NPR and remembered the Matt Lauer debacle and decided that I might want to read this one. Spoiler alert: Matt Lauer is not the featured personality in this one. Nevils' story of her reactions to her continued sexual rape/harassment is the beginning, but the REAL story is the ongoing struggle for mental health and the continuous position that women are NOT the victims. Well worth your time and don't let my rating throw you off - it's not a 5 because I am challenged to read non-fiction and walk away with a rave. Nevils says it best: "This is not a happy book."

[Shelby Sweet · Rating 4 out of 5]

How horrible it is that we live in a world where women feel they have to dissect and justify their actions after a sexual assault to prove that it happened to them. Nevils’ brave account is thoroughly researched — part dutiful reporting of the #MeToo movement and its survivors, part guidebook + resources of what you can do if you have been assaulted — all interwoven with her own narrative of being repeatedly assaulted and abused by one of the most powerful men in the country and in her profession. This is not a memoir or a salacious exposé. It is a journalistic deep dive into sexual assault and all the myths/stereotypes that surround it.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written. I picked this up because as a long time Today show viewer, I always enjoyed Matt and Katie as co-anchors. However, once Matt was removed for his behavior toward female employees, it wasn't a stretch to believe that he had been inappropriate. Nevils account of what transpired and the way Lauer treated her is disgusting, heartbreaking, and completely believable. I never doubted for a minute what Nevils said happened. And her book is not just about her experience. She writes about power dynamics, vulnerability, being a victim, and trauma.

[Lauren Kaiser · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am thankful for her courage to report and then share her story as difficult as that must have been (and will always be). The research from psychological experts provided depth and insight into the complexity of these issues. My only critique of the book was more around organization and the need for some editing to tighten up some redundancy. It could have been about half the length and still made all the same important points.

[Monica Snyder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very difficult read, especially for a survivor. Grateful for the author’s courage to tell her story and dive into the psychology of abusers and the organizations that allow them to go largely unchecked, the agonizing reality of being a victim and the personal, professional, legal and media landscape they must navigate.

[Mary Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so interesting and FAR more than a tell all about Matt Lauer. It is so well researched and has a great focus on workplace harassment and abuse by “superstars” like Lauer or Weinstein and more. It also discusses the consequences for the victims of the trauma - also based on cited research. Really well done!

[Elizabeth Burden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should be talking about and reading this book! One of the most important books I’ve read in a long time. Should be required reading for all women and men going out into the workplace. Informative, educational, and empathy inducing. I learned so much and am so grateful Brooke had the courage to (and did all the work to include the educational side in order to) bring this book to life.