Having Spent Life Seeking: The Sunday Times bestselling story of love, second chances and being seen

by Kae Tempest

Narrated by Kae Tempest with music by Hinako Omori.

Rothko Taylor has washed up with the tide, back in their hometown, Edgecliff. Fifteen years since they left it behind.

The past is accelerating towards the skateboard kids on the high street that remind them of their teenage years, the splintered benches looking out to sea, where their mum Meg clutched her cans. The nice bit of town, where their dad Ezra tried and failed to build a happy home. And Dionne's block. Beautiful, extraordinary Dionne, the only person who had ever looked at them and seen what was there.

Back then, overwhelmed and full of fear, they sank beneath the surface into chaos. But they made it out alive. And this time, Rothko is determined that things will be different.

A decade since Kae Tempest's last novel, Having Spent Life Seeking is about family and forgiveness; redemption and atonement; desire and abandon; selfhood and community. The things we seek when we are hiding, and what finds us, if we can let ourselves be seen.

'If books can still change the world, this one most likely will' COLUM MCCANN

'A wonderful, moving and enlightening state-of-Britain novel' IRVINE WELSH

'Amazing, it really moved me' SHON FAYE

'A hallelujah of a book. A scorching story of love, change, homecoming and forgiveness' DAWN FRENCH

'Kae Tempest at his finest' ANTHONY SHAPLAND

'Unboundedly beautiful' MICHAEL PEDERSEN

Kae Tempest 2026 (P) Penguin Audio 2026

Genres: Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Book Club, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Poetry

Audible Audio

First published January 1, 2026

Reviews

[SJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those earth shattering, mind altering and once in a blue moon books. The experience is somewhat like reading Euphoria in the hands of a poet with lived experience. I’ve said it many times but I’ll say it again, Kae Tempest is a stone cold genius.

[Evie Spicer · Rating 5 out of 5]

most enjoyable reading experience I have had in a long time, loved every aspect of this from the characters to the sense of place to the language !! Kae
Tempest is my 🐐

[Clara Mir]

“cossos. tan previsibles, tan normals, però si els empenys fins al límit són capaços de gestes increïbles”.

quina abraçada la compassió amb què kae tempest tracta els seus personatges. com amb tot el que fa, et sents embolcallat per una tendresa feixuga i trista i esperançadora de la qual sento que encara tinc molt a aprendre. profundament agraïda de poder tenir les seves paraules a l’abast, en la forma que siguin. un regal.

(alguns problemes amb la traducció. tants castellanismes per què? Ganes de llegir-lo en anglès.)

[victoria marie]

And while I am completely engulfed in my sadness, I am happy to sense that you exist, beautiful one. I am happy to have flung myself without fear into your beauty just as a bird flings itself into space. I am happy, dear, to have walked with steady faith on the waters of our uncertainty all the way to that island which is your heart and where pain blossoms. Finally: happy.

—Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Ulrich Baer

*

Time passes and passes. It passes backward and it passes forward and it carries you along, and no one in the whole wide world knows more about time than this: it is carrying you through an element you do not understand into an element you will not remember. Yet, something remembers - it can even be said that something avenges: the trap of our century, and the subject now before us.

—James Baldwin


without searching out titles specifically to celebrate Pride, this is my fifth related book to read this month & the most powerful. so glad it was selected for Service95’s book club June pick, as that’s how it got on my radar (& quite surprised to only see one gr friend having noted it as “want to read”… at least so far) & definitely recommend.

[Gina Carlotta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ich würde gerne 7 Sterne vergeben.
Das war so bildhaft und berührend und hart und herzerreißend gleichzeitig. Die Sprache war so toll und nah, ich hab beim Lesen alles vor mir gesehen und die Charaktere kamen mir so echt und vielschichtig vor.
Lest das alle (wenn ihr bereit dazu seid, viel zu weinen)


TW: Suizidversuch, sexualisierte Gewalt, drug abuse, Homo- und Transphobie

[Karítas Hvönn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written and captivating story that is absolutely heart wrenching at times, yet ultimately full of hope. Tempest is truly a master of language and writes with such emotional depth. Rothko is a character that will stay with me for a long time. Can’t wait to see Tempest at Louisiana Literature this summer!

[uxía · Rating 5 out of 5]

creo que es el mejor libro que he leído en mi vida

[Sina · Rating 4 out of 5]

great recommendation from the queen of book clubs herself. Dua Lipa did not disappoint!! Really liked reading it, especially the end. Solid 3.5 to 4 ⭐️

[carlita · Rating 4 out of 5]

vaya manera de escribir… que barbaridad y que emoción de final

[Relatora Roja · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rothko vuelve a su ciudad después de quince años y piensa que lo mismo es un error, que debería haber elegido un lugar donde no le conocieran para poder empezar de cero. Pero no ha sido así, ha vuelto y ahora es otre. Y aunque quiere avanzar lo tiene complicado por el pasado de su padre, que intentó sin fruto construir una familia convencional que aburría a su madre y el presente de ella, que malvive como puede. Y en mitad de esa vida que parece un bucle sigue asomando la belleza de quien ya cuando Rothko era adolescente supo verle. Por eso, pero sobre todo por elle y porque creo que en el fondo sabe que vivir tiene que ser otra cosa, a pesar del caos y de vivir entre quienes cuestionan si es ella o él, Rothko se atreve a buscar su comunidad y a reivindicar su identidad.

A mí de Kae Tempest me encantan la ternura, las segundas oportunidades y el deseo de belleza. Con esta novela me ha pasado lo mismo que con la anterior (“Cuando la vida de da un martillo”), que me daban ganas de vivir en ella.

[churrosconclipper · Rating 5 out of 5]

se me escapan las palabras. este libro ha sido la experiencia de lectura más agradable que he tenido últimamente. está construido con una economía increíble, y aun así el narrador los llena a todes de ternura. hay una especie de lente de ternura constante a través de la que todo se mira. se nota la humanidad del escritor, cómo ha vivido esas sensaciones y momentos, y también su condición de poeta.

se percibe en la belleza con la que observa la vida, a pesar de un lenguaje sencillo y nada pomposo. tiene la misma belleza que los escenarios que construye tan vívidamente: nubes bajas, un mar que invita a caminar frente a la arena, con el fresco en pantalón corto y sudadera —quizás camiseta—, tormentas de verano.

es una novela hermosa y sensible, que dice muchísimo con muy pocas palabras. es, a la vez, compleja y sencilla. lo queer está ahí, implícito, pero no como algo rígido o panfletario, sino desde la humanidad de los personajes: son queer porque son humanos, o quizá al revés.

qué decir del amor… el amor es lo que nos salva cuando estamos preparades para sostenerlo, cuando podemos abrirnos a él. el amor adulto… se siente tan relajante, tan refugio.

terminé el libro y me quedé en la nada. de repente llegó un sollozo fuerte, y luego solo llanto seco. una caída de lágrimas como una tormenta de verano, y después mirar a lo lejos, atrapade. quería seguir leyendo, pero al mismo tiempo sabía que ya estaba.
el final… tan sencillo y tan complejo. no entendía del todo por qué el autor había introducido el personaje de angel. creo que lo intuyo, y luego, de golpe, ese final… la humanidad lo es todo.

pese al dolor, la vida es hermosa. o quizás precisamente porque el dolor existe, la vida lo puede ser: "El asunto no es sentirse bien, le dijo el agua que manaba. El asunto es sentir".

dios, es que nunca voy a superar lo vívido que se ha sentido todo.

"Conservaba una especie de lástima amable por el mundo".

[Ra Cúnigan]

La historia es un 10, pero la traducción me ha dificultado mucho disfrutarla al 100%. He escuchado a Kae leyendo/declamando fragmentos en inglés y no hay nada de ese ritmo que tanto atrapa y fascina. Tendré que releerlo en la edición original (no me soporto).

[Oliver Starling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, beautiful, stunning story. Kae tempest knows life in all its ugliness and beauty.

[mia🌙]

I want to start by saying Kae Tempest is such a important voice in the literary community and having trans/gay and non binary people at the centre of our stories is literally so important so I do urge absolutely anybody to read this and form your own opinion

but i’m 175 pages in and i still feel like i’m in that first 50 or so pages at the beginning of any book when the story characters are being established.

i cant even begin to describe to you how jarring I am finding the prose. The narrative is completely overrun with metaphors/similes and adjectives.
Every. Single. Sentence.
At this point even the most profound use of any of these is going to lose it’s impact.

the narrative is also inconsistent, we are introduced to a character and then we don’t hear from them for 100 pages suddenly they reappear for a paragraph in their pov yet they still haven’t interacted with our mc for them to just disappear again.
It’s just here’s a person and a place: care about them.
Rather than the narrative doing the work to engage us as readers and make us feel engaged

[Dani Ringrose]

I crashed out of reading their previous novel but still had high hopes for this one. And I adored it. It took me by the throat and didn't let go. Bcause of this, there were scenes that genuinely took my breath away. The stream of consciousness moments and the volta where the story retires 'they' as the pronoun and switches to 'he' in regards to Rothko. It made me scan the page back to see the precise moment it was first deployed.

Read it. It's so good.

"They wanted to walk down the high street, look in shop windows, see the pretty things on display all lit up nicely. Push through the doors of a warm pub. Stand with their foot on a brass runner at an old oak bar. They had a thirst on for an afternoon pint. Imagined the feeling of striding in, being greeted by old friends. Warm sunny beer frothing in a glass. They could have a pint, couldn't they? One pint didn't mean... Their throat was sore for beer after all this thinking."

"A train pulled in, slow route to somewhere else, and she stepped on. The sky fell all the way down to the ground and the night was the rain and the rain was the night."

"The walls of the train were pushing close. The women were still yelping, wetly, feeding each other slabs of fresh attention, then diving back down to hide beneath the froth of their complete unknowability. It disgusted her. They disgusted her. The whole world disgusted her."

"Like many other couples who exist in polar opposition they necessitated each other for a blazing moment, before they each saw themselves reflected in their partner's eyes, and couldn't bear what they'd become."

"'Mate. Are you a girl or a boy?'
Rothko smiled and said slowly, 'I don't know. Maybe I 'm both.' And they raised their arms in a wide shrug that took in the street, the rain, the pointlessness of the whole thing."

"Edgecliff.
It was an I could have been something kind of town.
It was an I'm going to give them what I never had even if it kills me kind of town."

"Sat at the back of the classroom. Waiting for life to restart. Gold peace sign on a flimsy chain. Fire opal on a silver band that they wore on their middle finger. Big thighs, big arms. Wide hips they hated. Stocky frame. A belly that rounded out over their belt. Their fingernails were bitten to blood, blue biro smudged over the backs of their hands.
Trapped in a small room with small people who wanted small things. They slumped at the desk. Too big for it all."

"Spent their summers dodging the pissed-up weekenders, fresh off the trains for a kiss and a dance and a vomit."

"And then she kissed them. Caught their lip in her teeth and pushed till the world made sense. The softness of her body giving as Rothko pushed towards her pushing. She held their shoulders and their neck in her hot, blunt fingers, pulled them into her. Rothko in two t-shirts, two hoodies, trackies underneath their jeans, wrapped against the world, felt naked. Stood there in the kiss not knowing how to return it, not knowing how not to return it."

"Their secret world so loud it drowned the real world out. And [character] looked and looked away and looked again and looked away and the school disappeared and slowed right down, and it all sounded like the lowest note on the piano."

"Rothko smiled vaguely. As if they were a part of things."

"Sevredol, they read. Morphine sulphate.
They weighed the box in their hand. Tried to feel its power. But coud not.
This little white box of pain relief. It looked so clean and efficient to Rothko. How could these blank pills be the same thing as the carnage that swallowed their mum?
Can cause addiction.
The thing she'd chosen over them. Again and again. And again. And forever."

"They didn't choose to, or mean to, or even know they were going to, it was only as they pushed the box of pills into their pocket that they realised they had."

"Rothko checked up and down the high street, fuck it, kissed the things they couldn't say into [Character's] dancing mouth, and felt the kiss coming back that told them she had understood."

"Rothko stared, as they understood they were being invited to. She took the stare and danced with it. Closed their open mouth with a fingernail beneath their chin. A performance of rehearsed sexuality learned from a Hollywood bombshell, metabolised through two little queers in Edgecliff."

"When [Character] said their name, it was like they'd just been given it. Just learned that it was theirs. She was steady with them, gritted teeth, no going back and Rothko giving in to her and letting her, and this was real. It had to be."

"The TV was on, and the iron was steaming and she didn't notice the blank pits of their eyes. Their stuck jaws."

"They swelled as it did, all the fierce colours were theirs. Liquid. Solid. Gas. All things at once. They coaxed it, praised it with what they could find to treat it with: branches, rubbish, slabs of rotting MDF. Devouring force that created itself. It was huge suddenly, and charging towards them, bearing down. They became aware of its magnitude too late. Its heat, its smoke. They stood before it, spellbound. A child in front of a speeding train."

"They took off. Sprinting as hard as they could. Trying to sprint their way back to before. The whole town grim as the ssa but they ran so heart it boiled their sweat."

"But [Character] is leaning back with her hands behind her, her entire body is a tuning fork, conducting the vibration, feeling the tingles in her lips. And it looks nice to Rothko to be that free. To be that dark and dead and free from feeling. To be that stuck and ill and sick and scared. It looks like love."

"Every hour is a tower to escape from. Risk it out the window, headfirst through the hailstorm. Bliss before everything else. Living like a fish in a bag at the fairground, head-butting the plastic, finally they see it. It's one thing wanting freedom. It's another thing to be it."

"Still, the stupid human heart hopes for miracles that won't come. Miracles, like take me if you want. But please save mum."

"When the world plays dead, play deader. Get small. Cos at the end of every tether is the last thread gripped against the fall."

"But Rothko was alive at last. Or they were alive at least. That first morning underneath the heavy rain that came falling on the roof like it was trying to explain that the source and the solution were the same, they saw it shining, perfectly dirty and plain: the glory of the mundane."

"But what they didn't know, while they were looking at the trains in the station, plugged into the mains of creation, is they were held in the arms of every future, every past, every first and every last, that at any given moment, every present must contain. It was all coming for them, slow motion. This moment. Time had them in its teeth, and it dragged them by the throat until it dropped them in today and said, atonement"

"Or maybe you find yourself walking down the street with your shoulders back for the first time in your fucking life. Or, maybe, something goes wrong and there's a little bulge in your chest, or something doesn't heal right, it's not like you have this surgery and suddenly everything's fixed and you don't still feel all the ways you feel now, you know? It's a start. But it's not the finish line. What finish line?"

"Rattling around in their own skin for years, they'd given up on somebody finding them. Long-term dead to the idea that there might be someone out there who could open the vent and let the steam out. Wriggling around in the desolate pull towards recklessness."

"...and maybe this is just what it's like to live here, it's just one rock one spinning rock not even a dent in the press of eternity and each little now is entirely meaningless but it's all that we've got so Rothko how can it feel so real so lost so cruel so fix it I'm trying to fix it depressed and fanatical desperately clinging to prayers or diets or discipline none of us, all of us children of a dead regime spinning where are you, and most of all Rothko how could such a thing as weightless as life be so fucking heavy so much of the time."

"This is exactly the thing they had missed the most. Turning a corner and not knowing where the road might lead you. Letting things happen, just by accident."

"they pushed very close. Studied each other with their eyes closed, feeling the distance between them with breath, closing the distance, parting their lips and pushing their parted lips together. They kissed at last, and the kiss was hot and thorough, a compete kiss that involved every cell of their lips and mouths and cheeks and chins and hands and entire bodies dancing into, around and out of the kiss, in the dim dark light they kissed on and on and their clothes were in the way of the kiss and they had to have skin and body and touch, and so they kissed through the clothes, the clothes were unbuttoned and pulled up and dragged off, so they could kiss deeper and reveal the buried levels of the kiss in all its glory and filth."

"He could see himself, running down the road towards his mum's place. Sixteen forever. Terrified forever.
But as he watched, he saw the kid he used to be looking back behind him, and for a second he could have sworn they locked eyes."

"The world had taught Rothko to be ashamed of her. Of how dirty and loud and ruined she was. How drunk, but he had always seen a grim kind of dignity in the way she threw herself so fully into desire and abandon. Into terror, into bliss."

"The music took him, hard, and put him in his skin and draped his skin over his body and fixed it all together and sang in him and gave him life an taught him everything he knew and told him everything was what it should be and that really it was fine that things hurt so much they way they did because some people in this world could take that hurt and make this fucking magic out of it. The music that meant other people could bear it better."

"It was like all the Rothko that had ever lived was in the room with him. All the Rothkos that he had caried around for years and stifled and not listened to and pushed down into his feet, they were all there. Stood around, holding each other's shoulders."

"She slipped into a state of pure elation, clasping her hands under her chin and closing her eyes so she could feel the feeling better as it warmed her veins like love you like maybe it wasn't too late. Like Mum. Like maybe it wasn't too late to be loved."

"'Have you seen my man?'
And [Character's] public declaration hung like a golden bridge between their teenage selves and the adults they had, at that very moment, become."

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful book about redemption, love, and coming to roost in a body that has never felt like home.

[Berno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mein Buch des Jahres -auch wenn erst Juli ist.

[Amy Stirling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kae Tempest write something that isn’t a masterpiece challenge level: impossible

[Nina Vasic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very beautifully written. Some parts, like when the main character’s life went off the rails were beyond stunning. But it was also kind of boring. The short sentences started to grate and read like AI prompts at times.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful writing a little hard for me to get into

[Peter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rothko struggles with family addiction, sexual awakening and peer groups until they do something bound and end up in prison. Told in poetry and unusual text forms. Some beautiful lines and moments that give light to the chaos but trying too hard in places.

[Nagozeta · Rating 5 out of 5]

La redención, la vida y el perdón es todo lo que está aquí. Qué belleza 💝🌸❤️‍🩹🫂🥹

[Cauliflower Elephant]

Dnf . Whyyyyy was this so hard for me to get into?! It felt slow and depressing:(( and I just couldn't bite and haven't been picking it up. Iove Kae tempest and have followed his work for years so this was sad I really wanted to love this and was looking forward to it. I'll try again another time

[Helen Haythornthwaite · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a deeply moving, raw, emotional read. It’s a story, both captivating and heart-wrenching, which explores gender identity with empathy and sensitivity.

It’s a character-driven novel which follows Rothko - using the pronouns they/their. The narrative takes us on a journey where Rothko struggles to find their true self amidst a world where acceptance does not come easy, if at all.

It begins in 2026, when Rothko has been out of jail for six months; after spending 15 years in there. It explores their time in prison; how the world has changed during those 15 years; and their reflections on the past. What comes across is Rothko’s vulnerability and I was rooting for them, even before I knew why they had been in prison.

The second part goes back to 2006, and we find out about Rothko’s earlier years; the unstable family and school life; and the exploration of their sexuality. It’s a tough read in places, and really made me reflect on how it can be so easy to judge someone just by the way they look. The frustration and indecision in Rothko’s mind is clear to see, and you just want someone to step in and give them a helping hand.

It’s also a beautiful love story; about being who you want to be, and finding your people - those who will accept you for whoever you want to be. I thought it was a beautifully written piece of literary fiction which explores gender identity in a compassionate way.


I was sent a proof of this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

[Laura Huete Rico · Rating 3 out of 5]

Me ha parecido brillantemente escrito. Tenían razón cuando decían que Kae es escritor y poeta y eso se nota. No sé cómo un relato sobre caer en lo más hondo puede y descubrir las partes más oscuras de ti puede ser tan bonito.

Hay algo en común en la experiencia queer y es esa sensación con la que muches nos podemos sentir indentificades de haberte encontrado a ti misme a la vez que has encontrado a la comunidad que te acompañara y te ayudara siempre a nombrarte.

[Miriam · Rating 5 out of 5]

4,5 von 5 Sternen, weil ich Multiperspektiven-Romane nicht so super gerne mag.

Kae Tempest gehört für mich zu den größten Poet*innen unserer Zeit:

„Der Regen verzog sich abrupt; fast wie auf ein Signal. Rothko blickte nach oben, um Gott in flagranti zu erwischen, und sah die fahle Sonne, die sich das Gesicht in den Wolken wusch.“ (S. 24)

„[…] wie konnte ein Ding, so schwerelos wie das Leben, die allermeiste Zeit so verdammt scheiß schwer sein.“ (S. 318)

[Sarah Andika · Rating 4 out of 5]

All I’ll say is fuck transphobia and anyone who has the privilege to feel comfortable moving through this world in their body but lacks the empathy to support those who don’t want and simply want to find themselves.

At it’s heart, this is a deeply compassionate book. An exploration of gender dysphoria, second chances, redemption, love and desire. A book about those who struggle to belong. It offers readers a chance to understand gender dysphoria from an outsider’s perspective and a window into what it can feel like to live with a profound disconnect between who you are and how the world sees you. More than anything, it is a book about the search for selfhood, and about the fear, confusion, loneliness, and hostility that often accompany that search.

In this regard, and when it comes to fostering empathy, I think the book succeeded beautifully. It is especially relevant at a time when trans people continue to face hostility and scrutiny simply for existing, there is something valuable about a book that attempts to bridge that gap in understanding.

Unfortunately, while I connected strongly with what the book was trying to say, I kind of hated my experience reading it and actually had to push myself not to DNF this book. I think the biggest obstacle for me was the writing style. For example, one gripe I had was that Kae does this thing where he breaks up sentences that could ideally be one continuous one into much shorter ones. For example

“They crossed the fields. Alone. Plotted on a tree stump. Caught the last glare of the sun disappearing betwwen the trees. Thirsty for something. They poured a whole can of lager down their throst. But that didn’t quench it.”

I understand there was a purpose to the style. It’s almost a rhythmic, poetic kind of prose. And it’s not the biggest thing but it wasn’t my kind of writing and it kept me from feeling like I was flowing through the book because the constant fragmentation created a stop-start effect that kept pushing me out of the story.

There was also the couple of sections written in a more free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness style that I found difficult to engage with. Which was probably my fault because by that point I was mostly just going through the motions to finish the book and I was half-checked out already because I already wasn’t enjoying the book.

I do hate that I never got that feeling of being fully immersed in this book because it had genuine moments of resonance and characters that evoked so much empathy and love. I admire Kae’s generosity and way of giving dignity to everyone in his story no matter their circumstances. He conveys the disconnect that so many people in the margin of society feel and invites the reader to try and be more understanding and mindful of everyone around them. Even the most complicated of characters such as Meg and Angela are ultimately shown to be complex and struggling in their own way and worthy of love no matter the mistakes they have made.

Because of that, I came away with a great deal of admiration for the book, even if I never fully connected with it as a reading experience. can absolutely see it meaning so much to other readers. A compassionate and thoughtful exploration of identity and belonging whose themes resonated with me far more than its prose.

[Gee Beadle · Rating 5 out of 5]

i have been a fan of Kae Tempest for since i was 17 years old, his work has been a companion to me throughout so many phases of my life. i was so thrilled when i found out HSLS was being released on my birthday and it really didn’t disappoint.
the storyline was compelling, gritty in a way that was handled really gently and the novel as a whole felt like a breath of fresh air. the MC Rothko won me over from the first page and i absolutely loved the tonally distinct voice that Kae created for Rothko.

as always beautiful writing, i think my favourite novels are always written by poets. the descriptions are so vivid and present a reality that (as a Brit) feel so true:

’It was Wednesday. Sickly afternoon, hot and heavy. Rain coming. July creeping closer. Weird green light pushing out of low cloud.

’Out of the fields, and back down the steps into the sparkling dark of the seaside town. Strange fog in the air, like a gag in their mouth. Close as a pillow. Sometimes the mist came off the sea like this and made the whole place feel like it was under water.’

’The show was about to start. The cast changed again as she watched. The joggers first, they made their big entrance in neon. Then the people with the uniforms on their way to supermarket shifts. Then the dogs, rolling over each other while their owners stood around watching, smiling with teeth. Then it was the mums and the prams and the coffees on the benches and the people on the phone having loud conversations and the toddlers walking on leads and Angel was still sat there, watching the trapped light. Things felt greener than they used to feel. There was a storm coming. It was changing the air.’

one of the main themes throughout this book is queerness and self acceptance, i think the way this is handled is perhaps the most special part about this novel. queerness isn’t shoved in the reader’s face, it is just there — just as it is in life. it’s presented from the queer perspective: the importance of self acceptance; the confusion and resolution that can come with understanding ones identity; the fears that come when existing in public spaces; the experience of sapphic relationships. there was no big, overplayed coming out moment which i think was a really bold choice and ultimately the right one.
i really enjoyed the three act format of this novel, it presented Rothko’s experience perfectly and felt very cinematic, i can see this being adapted for the screen, and i really hope it does as it’s an important story and Kae deserves every accolade and more.

in my opinion a masterpiece, i will certainly be revisiting this gorgeous novel.

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to start by saying that I'm a huge admirer of Kae Tempest's work. Their lyricism has always struck me as extraordinary, which is what drew me to this novel in the first place.

We follow Rothko as they navigate family addiction, friendship, first love, sexual identity, and the longing to find somewhere, and someone, to belong. The story explores gender dysphoria with compassion, offering readers a glimpse into the painful disconnect between how someone experiences themselves and how the world insists on seeing them. It is ultimately a novel about identity, belonging, and the courage it takes to become yourself.

The narrative is told through a mixture of prose, poetry, and experimental text, and whilst there were moments of real beauty, I found the structure disrupted the momentum of the story. I never quite settled into the rhythm of the novel, which meant I struggled to feel fully immersed, despite caring deeply about the characters and what they were experiencing.

That said, there were passages that completely took my breath away. The poetic section towards the latter part of the novel was, for me, the standout. The cadence, rhyme, and urgency were unlike anything I've read before and reminded me exactly why Kae's writing is so celebrated. Those pages carried an emotional intensity that the rest of the novel only occasionally reached.

Although I never fully connected with the book as a whole, I came away with enormous admiration for what it sets out to do. It is a thoughtful and deeply compassionate exploration of identity, love, redemption, and second chances. At times it felt a little didactic, but I also recognise that its message may resonate profoundly with readers seeking a better understanding of what it means to transition, and why living authentically can be a matter of survival.

It wasn't entirely the reading experience I had hoped for, but it is a brave, empathetic novel that I suspect will mean a great deal to many readers.

[Shaf · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.1/5 Stars

Society shapes us into who we are; with us unwilling but still unwittingly changed.

Having Spent Life Seeking is a queer novel centred around Rothko, an ex-convict recently released and struggling to find their place in their internal and external world.

Its a novel written with poetic earnest, dealing with themes of isolation and connection, social stigma, redemption, and identity. The writing is unique in its style, which may not be for everyone, but successfully translates the Rothko’s intense despair and hopelessness into words.

The secondary characters in Rothko’s life are depicted equally poetic. Each one emotionally connected and challenged by the complex nature of establishing and maintaining community and connection in the context of the hardships of society and its expectations.

The book introduces a character mid-way through, who isn’t directly in Rothko’s life. She is kept in the periphery until the end — in which we see that her inclusion was to serve some sort of poetic justice and redemption subplot. Not a huge deal but I found the addition of this character too similar to other storylines even though her inclusion is justified for the novel’s conclusion.

This is a book for those in a similar position to its main character; those feeling isolated, othered, or perhaps defeated with life. Even though it is primarily a queer novel centering on someone trans, I can see how this may speak to someone unsure about life in general and its trajectory. I would highly recommend this for that group of people.

You would also like this if you like a good heartfelt queer novel about identity and community.

Life can deal a bad hand, and in the trenches, its difficult to see a way out. Having spent time seeking, Rothko and their found family makes it out alive. Something they never thought was in the cards for them given their circumstances. There is always a way out. Its tough, but its there.