And If I Die Before I Wake: A Memoir

by George M. Johnson

They may be the author of the #1 most banned book in America, but George M. Johnson isn't finished telling their story yet. Written with unflinching emotion and unapologetic boldness, And If I Die Before I Wake is nothing short of a testimony -- one the world desperately needs to hear.

George M. Johnson is no stranger to death. In this debut adult memoir, readers are invited to witness as they navigate an HIV diagnosis, alcoholism, tremendous loss, and nationwide book bans over the span of 15 years. Through the highs and lows of life in the spotlight, they have clung to family and community like never before -- finding their most authentic self along the way.

Drawing inspiration from Toni Morrison, Jesmyn Ward, and Ta-Nehisi Coates, And If I Die Before I Wake explores grief, trauma, sexuality, and the Black family through the lens of transformation, healing, and hope. Poetic, grounded, and bursting with signature humor, this is New York Times-bestselling author George M. Johnson more bold, more brave, and more daring than ever.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, LGBT, Queer, Biography, Gay, Adult

224 pages, Hardcover

Expected publication November 10, 2026

About the author

George Matthew Johnson, more commonly known as George M. Johnson, is a queer Black American author, journalist, and activist. They are best known as the author of the memoir-manifesto All Boys Aren't Blue.

Reviews

[Robert G · Rating 5 out of 5]

In December 2019, I had the pleasure and privilege of reading an advance reader copy of George M. Johnson’s debut book, All Boys Aren’t Blue: A Memoir Manifesto. Like so many who would eventually read it, I was knocked out by Johnson’s gift for storytelling and knew it would become a classic. The pandemic quickly derailed what should have been a triumphant launch year for them. But readers discovered their story and critical acclaim and word of mouth, not to mention a flurry of book bans, eventually goosed sales and attention and Johnson finally got their flowers two years later when the book found its way onto the NYT Bestseller List.

They followed up their debut with We Are Not Broken, another heartfelt memoir about their childhood, growing up with their beloved Nanny; then The Flamboyants, a celebration of black queer artists during the Harlem Renaissance; and last year’s There’s Always Next Year, George’s YA fiction debut with co-author Leah Johnson, a romantic dual POV story that centered black queer characters. Now, Johnson returns to the memoir format with And If Die Before I Wake: A Memoir, which picks up where All Boys Aren’t Blue left off.

And If I Die… follows Johnson into adulthood and finds them grappling with being a black queer man in the 2010s and the early 2020s. Work, family, sex, identity, happiness, loss and grief are all represented. But it’s in Johnson’s ability to easily settle back into a self-reflective storytelling groove that they once again find many of the heart- and story-beats that truly made All Boys Aren’t Blue a gift to so many. “I have to remind myself that I live in this world as a mirror,” Johnson writes, and it’s in their gift and ability to look upon their life critically, but with compassion and generosity, that they find the kinds of stories that readers can see themselves in.

Many thanks to Farrar, Straus & Giroux and NetGalley for providing the ARC of this book. It was outstanding.

[Ryan Brandenburg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This well-written memoir delves into the aftermath of the author’s bestselling book, “All Boys Aren’t Blue,” providing some background information along the way.

George (or Matthew) offers readers a glimpse into his younger life and the diagnosis of HIV he received at the age of 25. I found myself captivated by the author’s narrative and thoroughly enjoyed his writing style.

I would like to express my gratitude to NetGalley and the publisher, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, for providing me with an advanced copy of this book, which is scheduled for release on November 10, 2026.

[Kenzie Nash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the publishers for sending a copy of the ARC of this book to my B&N where I work!! Now for my review: This? This memoir here? BROKE ME. Broke my damn heart into a million little pieces. If you read George's first book, All Boys Aren't Blue, you NEED to read this book when it comes out.


And if I may share a quote from the ARC: "To create art is to truly live. People criticize, debate, and challenge our books. It's cool. It comes with the job. But we are human too. That's often the forgotten piece. We have love and lose while creating, and we too deserve grace."

[Vikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was up and down in this book. I found parts where I could empathize, relate to, and enjoy reading about. Then there were parts where I felt he’s just adding stuff to fill the book and what makes him different than 75% of the world? What makes him the scholar on politics? This is just my opinion.

[ryan ⚡︎ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.75 stars

probably their best work yet, and i still think 'all boys aren't blue' is amazing

[Ron Frampton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir of the author's HIV diagnosis,struggles with alcoholism for over fifteen years.

[Ada · Rating 5 out of 5]

And If I Die Before I Wake continues where All Boys Aren't Blue leaves off. The author instantly hooked me from the start. They are a natural born storyteller and I will continue to read about their life as long as they continue to share it with us.

Thanks to NetGalley and FSG books for the gifted e-copy in exchange for an honest review.