I often wonder, especially in recent months, whether it’s really our ghosts that haunt us or if it’s us who can’t let them go. If we’re not the ones haunting, howling and hounding our lost ones, screaming at them to come back, even if we’re afraid that they might actually do just that.
The Steps by Juliano Zaffino is a fragmented narrative dealing with loss, grief, trauma and the destructive effects a family can have on itself once it’s brought a little bit too closely together as a result. This is a ghost story, yes, but in the face of loss it is the De Luca children and their stepfather Derek who eventually become their own ghosts as they turn increasingly dependent and eventually destructive towards each other. Out of love. Out of care. Out of desire for self-preservation as a unit. And while one person’s death is sudden and lasts a moment, everyone else becomes a walking shadow, too broken to be truly there, yet not exactly gone.
There is a part towards the middle of the book, where Zaffino’s narrator talks about the Armageddon, the end of the world: how total darkness and great pain will descend, and then a great tremor and torment before the final battle between good and evil commences and brings everything to an end. And I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that in the end, regardless of the side that wins, the world would still be over. The rivers would still dry, and the mountains would rise and the lights would still go out. And this is what Zaffino’s characters carry in them: their own Armageddon. Their own ending. Their own ghosts.
A gorgeous read that starts light and gradually builds up to something heavy and aching. It’s not a sudden punch to the gut, but a slow realisation that you’re pinned down and hurting. It’s a kind of sadness I’ve missed for a while and very much needed.
The chapter written from the perspective of Derek is easily some of the best writing I have read so far this year, so do please come to me when you read it and let’s rave about it.