In the isolated Appalachian town of Burrsville, Tess Wynne lives in precious quiet. Having been left for dead a century earlier, Tess made a deal with the devil to stay in the only home she’s known. Tending to her wildlife sanctuary, she keeps the land and its people safe – pulling on spidering threads of ancient magic, trying to preserve the balance of nature against the encroaching ravages of human influence. But, every autumn, the devil returns, offering Tess more power in exchange for a foothold into the human world. And, every autumn, Tess refuses.
As Tess prepares her wildlife sanctuary for the winter, an unexpected addition to Burrsville catches the local’s attention. Freshly arrived Zeke Abdee, the town’s new pastor, begins to sinisterly mould the townspeople to his will.
With everyone slowly turning on Tess, Pastor Zeke is determined to stake his claim on the very land where Tess keeps her sanctuary. Cornered, a desperate Tess pushes her magic to the darkest edges. All the while, the devil bides his time, waiting for Tess to decide if she will be prey - or predator...
C.N. Vair (she/her) is a horror and dark fantasy author living in Western New York. A former journalist, she’s interested in the history and haunted corners of small towns, the magic and malice of the natural world, and power in all its forms. When she’s not writing, you can find her wandering in woods and cemeteries, growing poisonous plants in her garden, or spending time with her husband and dogs.
‘When I learned what had killed her, I tongued the stamp on the inside of my mouth and wondered if this was the memory of god working, punishing her for birthing me.’
Wow, I had such a great time reading Fawn. I loved the initial blurb, but I can be apprehensive about gimmicky stories involving cunning women and the devil-made-flesh. Fawn is anything but. It is a slowly creeping folktale about survival, perseverance and trust in your own inner strength. Bursting with green magic, animal rescue, Appalachian horror and of course, female rage. Watching Tess and her Fawn tear a chunk out of a cruel and small minded rural town that desperately needed its morals reevaluated was tender and sharp all at once.
Read for a quote!: “On the surface, a tale about a woman who sells her life to the devil only to live to fight him for her ancestral land; at its core, a sleek, sure, thought-provoking meditation on our excessive use of natural resources and the eternally restorative power of nature that can still save us."
Fawn - WOW 🤯 I said it before I will say it again no way this is a debut! It’s soooo good 😍👀🖤
🌲 Eerie Forest Setting 🕯️ Appalachian Folklore 😈 Devil In The Woods 🩸 Generational Fear & Inheritance 🔮 Ritual And Belief 🐾 Slow Descent Into Something Feral 🖤 Morally Grey Female Main Character 🔥 Feminine Rage 🌿 Nature Watching Back
I went in for moody forest vibes and got something darker and way more consuming
The writing is gorgeous but there’s a bite to it. It feels soft and brutal at the same time!
The story leans into Appalachian folklore and those old beliefs about the devil being something that lives in the land and in people rather than a clear figure. ieverything feels rooted in ritual, inheritance, and fear that gets passed down without question!
The folklore feels real and lived in, Tess’s shift into something more instinctive and feral was my favourite part.Watching her get pulled further into it all felt inevitable in a way that was both unsettling and satisfying 😍
it’s a slow burn and the tension just keeps building, if you like eerie nature, quiet horror, and feminine rage with beautiful writing this one really works
still thinking about it and I don’t see that changing anytime soon! Absolutely incredible I actually think even if you don’t read horror you would eat this up!
Honestly, this book exceeded my expectations, which were extremely high to begin with - what a ride!
Haunting,, sinister, and full of feminine rage, Fawn is a wonderfully well written gothic folklore horror, about a woman, the men who have wronged her, a love for her town and the animals, and an adorable yet wild (iykyk) faun.
Tess, albeit stubborn and very gung-go at times, was very relatable with her emotion and her drive, and I do completely understand where she was coming from.
The narrative and story was deep and very well developed - for a debut novel the author has really knocked it out the park, absolutely stunning.
I loved every part of this, thank you so much to c.n vair, 3ambooks and NetGalley for allowing me to read this as an ARC - I am so tremendously grateful, one of my top books of the year so far for sure!
Fawn took me into a forest filled with magic, an animal sanctuary hidden deep in the woods, a witch who literally sold her soul to the Devil, unsettling creatures, strange folklore, and an atmosphere that slowly crawls under your skin 🌲🖤
While preparing my review, I noticed SO many readers saying things like “I wanted more horror”, “more gore”, “more fear”, “more blood” and personally I think it’s important to clarify that this book feels MUCH closer to quiet horror and folkloric horror with heavy dark fantasy elements rather than extreme traditional horror.
And once I started looking at it from THAT perspective… everything clicked for me.
C.N. Vair created something atmospheric, eerie, immersive, emotional, strange, and deeply rooted in nature and folklore. I became SUPER invested in Tess, her connection to the forest, the mysterious fawn, the magic woven through the woods, and honestly??? the Devil himself 😭
Because WHY was every scene with him so tense and weirdly captivating 👀
And listen… this book actually had me reacting OUT LOUD.
Especially toward the end 😖 there were multiple moments where I literally stopped reading just to turn to my husband and tell him what had happened like I was sharing scandalous gossip LMAOOO. Every plot twist and unsettling reveal had me going “WAIT WHAT???”
To me, that’s the sign of a story that fully pulled me in.
This is not the kind of horror that depends on nonstop gore or brutal shock value every five pages. It’s quieter. Stranger. More atmospheric. More existential. The kind of story that slowly fills the forest with dread until something starts feeling deeply wrong.
And honestly… I had SUCH a good time with it.
Also, I think Fawn would make SUCH a good book club read 🦌
It’s the kind of story that makes you want to sit down with your friends and DISCUSS everything. Was Tess justified? Would you have done the same in her position? Who was actually in the wrong here? So many morally grey conversations, unsettling moments, and genuinely good thriller elements packed into this story.
Thank you so much to Insta Books Tours and 3AM Books for inviting me to Project Horror and for sending me an ARC copy of this book in exchange for my honest review 🖤
“They knew enough to run when they saw me.” You’re a man, I almost said.
I need to start with this, pages 262–263 were the most satisfying in the entire book. Goddamn. Completely, undeniably satisfying.
C.N. Vair’s debut novel follows Tess, a woman who has been trapped in her town for years after making a deal with the devil, one that cost her more than she ever intended.
The story opens with an almost whimsical tone. It’s slow-burning, steeped in folklore, and deliberately patient. Tess is strong-willed to her core, the kind of character who refuses to bend, whether it’s to people, to circumstance, or to the town itself. Her fight, especially for her animal sanctuary, grounds the story in something real and worth rooting for.
The writing is effortless. It flows without friction, carrying you through scenes with clarity and control. It explains, narrates, and describes without ever feeling weighted. Honestly, I wouldn’t have guessed this was a debut.
Where it didn’t fully land for me was the horror. It’s unsettling, yes. Strange, absolutely. But horror? It walks a very fine line. The build takes its time, leaning more into that whimsical, (almost) at one small stage dark-romance atmosphere before it finally shifts. And then, in the last hundred pages, everything sharpens, the violence arrives, the stakes escalate, and it fully commits to the horror.
The fawn… What a vicious little creature. No softness, no innocence, just something psycho underneath it all. Unsettling from the start. Completely untrustworthy. And yet, watching the bond between her and Tess grow? It made sense. Twisted, but needed.
“Stupid, stupid man. You don’t turn your back on a predator.”
I’d recommend this to fans of: •The Blair Witch Project •The Ruins If you want to want the same creeping, folklore-laced unease. For those of you who love your stories dipped in myth, who want to feel unsettled, slightly on edge and with the kind of discomfort that hits you at 3am.
I read this in one sitting for the Dead of Night readathon with InstaBookTours, Bantam Books, and 3AM Books.
“The devil came on the autumn equinox, as he always did”
To say I was hooked from that opening sentence is an understatement and the slow build-up of tension throughout had me on the edge of my seat until the very end.
Fawn is the story of Tess, who sold her soul to the Devil, and is now trapped in a small town in the Appalachian Mountains. Every year, the Devil comes around offering her more power in exchange for gaining a stronger foothold in the world, but Tess isn’t prepared to give up the home she has built for herself or her wildlife sanctuary. That is, until she gets an unusual call to take in a fawn months after the usual baby season. A fawn that feels wrong from the get-go and may just be a herald of danger, as a stranger to town forces Tess into a corner and she must decide how far she is willing to go to protect what is hers.
Tess was a great character to read from, you really feel the love that she has for her sanctuary and her determination to fight for it. She is such a strong willed character, who refuses to bend to anyone or anything and steadfast in her resolve to forge her own path. Then we have our Fawn who was unsettling from the get go, you can tell there is something off about her from the moment we are introduced. But despite knowing that there is nothing innocent about this creature, you can’t help but get drawn in alongside Tess.
The writing in this is so immersive and really draws you into the story, it’s slower paced and leaves you feeling unsettled throughout but I would have liked a little more on the horror aspect because it’s really start to assert itself until the last 100 or so pages.
Overall, this was just a great read, I love the intertwining of horror and nature and I gave it 4 stars.
I would like to thank the publisher for allowing me the opportunity to read an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
#AD I received this e-arc for Project Horror with @instabooktours and @3.ambooks for the imprint launch. I received this e-arc to help promote the release of Fawn with 3am books on 26 August 2026 (so mark your calendar 📅) and in exchange for a review.
Synopsis:
Fawn follows Tess, a young woman who has made a deal with the devil and a daughter of women who practice folk witchcraft. Tess' actions start to catch up with her when she finds a roadkill deer with her stomach chewed open. The deer had been pregnant when killed, and the fawn had chewed its way out of her mothers stomach.... gross. Love it.
This book is marketed as a folk horror, and it is that. However, I would also categorise this as having elements of an urban fantasy horror or thriller, too. There's something for everyone! While there are clear elements of horror in there (fawn, I'm look at you), I was expecting more horror vibes but this could be because I'd got myself set for a thorough spooking with Project Horror. C.N. Vair's writing and narrative style are brilliant, and I would love to read more books by this author. It was certainly a selling point for me. The scenes that were overtly horror were indeed UNSETTLING AND ICKY in the best way possible. Without spoiling, I will say fawn, squirrel barn. Yuck!
Thank you again to the author, publisher, and InstaBookTours for gifting me this e-arc and including me in Project Horror 🖤
Faun by C.N. Vair completely exceeded my expectations, and considering how high those expectations already were, that’s saying something. Haunting, sinister, and filled with feminine rage, this is a beautifully written gothic folkloric horror that blends dark fantasy, folklore, and creeping dread into something unforgettable.
From the very first line, “The devil came on the autumn equinox, as he always did,” I was hooked. The tension builds slowly but relentlessly, creating an atmosphere that feels heavy with magic, decay, and something deeply wrong lurking beneath the surface. Rather than relying on nonstop gore or shock value, Faun embraces quiet horror. It’s eerie, immersive, and emotionally charged, the kind of story that slowly crawls under your skin and stays there.
Tess Wynne was such a compelling protagonist. Stubborn, impulsive, and fiercely protective, she felt incredibly human throughout the story. I became deeply invested in her connection to the forest, her wildlife sanctuary, and the strange little fawn at the centre of it all. Watching her anger, grief, and protectiveness evolve into something increasingly feral was both fascinating and heartbreaking.
One of the strongest aspects of this novel is its atmosphere. C.N. Vair creates a world filled with old bargains, unsettling folklore, strange creatures, and woods that seem alive with secrets. The writing is stunning and every part of the story feels carefully woven together. I also appreciated that this leans far more into folkloric and psychological horror than extreme horror. Readers expecting constant gore may find it quieter than anticipated, but personally I thought the slow-burn dread made it even more effective. The horror here feels existential, primal, and deeply rooted in nature.
And that ending? Absolutely phenomenal.
This would make such an incredible book club read because there’s so much to discuss: morality, sacrifice, survival, inheritance, and whether Tess was ever truly wrong for the choices she made. Faun asks what a woman must become to protect what she loves, and the answer it gives is sharp-toothed, unsettling, and unforgettable.
Thank you to 3AM books and InstaBookTours for letting me take part in Project Horror, and for providing me an ARC of this book to read and review
Fawn is a haunting, slow-burning descent into something far darker and more primal than it first appears. What initially feels almost whimsical quickly sheds that skin the moment the fawn arrives and from there, the story tightens its grip with quiet, creeping intensity until it becomes impossible to look away.
C. N. Vair crafts a narrative that feels deeply rooted in folklore and raw natural instinct, where every page carries a sense of inevitability. The horror here isn’t just for shock, it’s purposeful, unsettling, and at times genuinely heart-wrenching. As Tess’ world begins to shift, so too does the tone, revealing something feral, emotional, and unflinchingly bold. There’s a powerful undercurrent of transformation running throughout the novel, of inheritance, of survival, and of what it truly means to belong to the land. It’s disturbing in the way it needs to be, never holding back from the darker truths it explores, and that’s exactly what makes it so compelling.
By the end, Fawn leaves you hollowed out in the best possible way, emotionally spent, yet already longing to return to its world. Tess and her fawn linger long after the final page, their story refusing to let go. A beautifully dark, unforgettable read, and a clear sign that this is an author worth following closely.
Tess Wynne is a lot of things, strong, independent, secretive, a witch, a woman who takes care of injured animals and runs an animal sanctuary. Tess also sold her soul to the devil. I can’t blame her, it was a very rational thing to do after her experience and every year the devil returns to offer her more, but tess knows the price to be paid and always turns him down. She keeps her magic strong with nature and uses it to protect the animals and to a lesser extent the town people. Two things happen that change her life forever, first she finds a fawn, a cute little thing born in the wrong season. Born may be the wrong word, but this fawn was coming into the world one way or another and like Tess it has its secrets. Secondly a new first arrives in town, hell bent on swaying the people and destroying her power. Worse still he’s the descendant of the man who hurt her so many years ago. Zeke may be a priest, but from the first time we meet him I already hate him and the way he runs his house, an odd wife living under his thumb and a caring son trying to escape from his parents hate and judgement. In my head this story could’ve gone a much bloodier and murderous way, the way Tess deals with it all is much more restraint but even she has her limits. But she knows to do what must be done for herself and her animals she must protect them at any costs, as the town people turn against her and the priest tries to take away her land she must decide just how far she’ll go, and just what it’ll take for her to take the power she needs. If I’m being honest Tess was too nice, she tried to play by the people’s rules as if she was one of them, but she never was, people always disappoint, I do wish Tess the witch and her abomination of a fawn had taught these town folk a lesson they’d never forget - maybe it’s a good job I never had Tess’s power
This is one of those books that gets under your skin without really trying. From the very beginning there’s this uneasy feeling that something is off, like you’re being gently led into something that isn’t going to end well… but you keep turning the pages anyway.
Tess is a witch,. She’s also an animal control officer and has created this strange, almost comforting sanctuary for animals that don’t quite feel normal. That’s where things start to blur, especially when we meet the fawn. At first you almost want to dismiss it, small, fragile, awkward little thing with those spindly legs, but there’s an instant sense that it’s not what it appears to be. And that doubt just sits there in the back of your mind.
When the new pastor arrives with his family, everything tightens. He’s one of those characters you instantly dislike, and honestly, that reaction feels deliberate. He brings a heaviness into the story that shifts everything into darker territory, and from that point on it really leans into that creeping sense of dread.
If you like folklore style horror that doesn’t rush you, this is exactly that. It’s slow burn, but not in a boring way, it’s more like watching something rot slowly in real time while everyone insists everything is fine. You just know it isn’t. It’s creepy, unsettling, and quietly addictive.
I decided to apply for a NetGalley ARC on a whim, and I’m very fortunate that I was approved. Fawn hooked me from the first few sentences and tightened its grip until the very last page. As a lover of the macabre, a story set in the Appalachian woods with a mix of folklore, a little gore, and all the raw emotion created a world I found myself wanting to protect as well.
Tess is such a compelling character. Watching her balance fear, responsibility, and this growing wildness inside her was honestly my favourite part. The horror isn’t just in the creature she finds (which, by the way, is very cute). It is in what the world demands of her and what she has to become to survive it. I was surprised by how deeply attached I became to this story. Beneath the folklore and horror, there is a raw exploration of belonging, grief, and the instinct to protect what one loves, even when the cost is high.
C. N. Vair’s writing is captivating and atmospheric without ever dragging. Each scene feels intentional, and the Appalachian setting is so vividly drawn that the magic and the land almost become characters in their own right. I am already looking forward to reading more of Vair’s work, and I know I will be thinking about Tess and her fawn for a long time.
With it being set in an Appalachian setting, I was expecting a bit more from what I've heard the Appalachian villages and such are like. Such as hearing skinwalkers outside, random screaming that sort of that thing. That didn't happen here, but I'm not disappointed. Tess was the perfect example of feminine rage, refusing to bow down to the whims of men. She makes a deal with the devil, and makes it known, repeatedly, that he has no power over her.
It was never fully understood if the fawn was one of the devil's creatures, but I think it probably likely that she was and perhaps that's why Tess was so drawn to her.
Zeke, I think, was just a normal man wanting what was his. He lived outside the realm of Tess' influence so it only makse sense that he was able to discover the secret she was so desperate so hide. I do ish the devil was a bit more devil-y though.
This is my honest opinion, I thank the publishers for granting me an arc.
I had no expectations going in other than excitement for a new sub-genre of horror. I’ve been in a folk horror mood, and this certainly whet my appetite.
The writing itself is flawless; I flew through this as Vair writes with such descriptive clarity, I was never confused or needed to re-read a section.
I loved the relationship between Tess and the Devil. No spoilers - but I loved that Tess defines the relationship to suit her, on her terms. Is it a relationship at all?
I have been waiting for a book where the FMC doesn’t pursue a redemption ARC. She is rooted firmly (pun intended) in her beliefs and her motives, and I absolutely loved that Tess was unrelenting in pursuing them.
This book has twists and turns and I could not put it down. It was utterly dark, delicious & expertly written. Immediately added to one of my favourite books of all time.
Fawn is an incredibly atmospheric, eerie folktale in an Appalachian setting. With simmering female rage that stays ready to erupt, it almost feels inspirational.
Okay, so it’s a horror and obviously there’s some pretty unpleasant darkness to the story. But I’m just saying. I love to see women (and fawns) in male dominated fields.
This is one of my favourite kinds of books: Unsettling women doing unsettling things.
Tess is fiercely protective of the vulnerable, and resentful of the small-town small-mindedness she lives within. The ritualistic magical realism is intense, the setting feels wild and cut off from the rest of the world. Tess and the fawn make an unexpected pair; seemingly gentle, but unsettlingly sharp.
Fawn is a slow, creeping horror that feels like an overgrown forest. It’s wild, tense and eerie, and I love it.
🌿 Feral female rage 🦴 Nature vs. Man 🦌 Folk horror 🌲 Eerie, slow-burn tension 🕯️ Rituals & green magic
Pub date: 8/25/26 “The Devil Knows Her Name,” is a witchy eco-horror all about tricking the devil and claiming what’s yours. Also, deer are freaky little creatures and you should respect your local wildlife. Tess has followed the footsteps of her witchy mother and grandmother before her. A long line of women who have come in contact with the Devil. But Tess has made herself a sanctuary in the woods. Trying to put that awful deal she made behind her. She runs her own wildlife sanctuary and tries to keep to herself. But when she discovers a faun with a full mouth of teeth things are about to get strange. Tess tries to protect the creature but mistrust is brewing in the small town of Burrsville and the Devil is always one step ahead. As tensions escalate Tess must harness her own magic and save what she holds dear. #appalachianhorror #ecohorror #arc
4.25 Stars. What a phenomenal debut novel. A magical mix of whimsy, revenge, magic, horror verging on the uncomfortable and something that truly called to my soul. I was hooked from the first line and I could not put it down or stop thinking about it. I think Tess's story (and her fawn) is going to stay with me forever. I found the story haunting and somewhat whimsical to begin with but as the story progressed it descended into something deeper and more feral.
* forest setting * the devil on the doorstep * witchcraft that feels so real * morally grey FMC * a story which is rooted in nature and folklore * feminine rage with revenge
Thank you to Random House UK, Transworld Publishers and Netgalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. -- "It's you and me now, my little abomination."
I can see myself coming back to this book every time the summer swells with the kind of heat that comes before the cold drop—because that’s how this book felt.
At no point did I wish this book went in a different direction. Every choice felt purposeful and careful, and though I can see this not being a read everyone is comfortable with (namely some of the treatment of animals), I found it absolutely incredible.
I appreciate that the devil was hot, obviously, but there was nothing cheesy about it. He was almost just some normal dude, and it was the inherently “normal dude” that was really evil and disgusting (can’t say I’m shocked).
I can’t wait to get my hands on a physical copy and keep it in my bag to read any time I miss the feeling it gave me.
2.5⭐️ A deal with a devil, witchy herby spells, and a feral fawn.
This wasn’t as dark as I expected. It was set in a small town (billed as an Appalachian horror, but could have been anywhere), and mainly focused on Tess’s animal sanctuary. She’s been living trapped in that town for 82 years after selling her soul to the devil in order to stay alive, but I’m not sure how she was happy to rescue baby squirrels and raccoons all that time without going crazy.
It built to a dramatic finale, with a bit of murder and sacrifice, but it was a slow process. I needed more drama, more of the devil character (where was he most of the story?), and generally more to get my teeth into (like the deer).
You’d enjoy this if you like animal rescue stories, small town politics, and a bit of plant-lore.
Preface - I support women's rights and women's wrongs!
Fawn was an addictive little folk horror. Theres not a lot of things I love more than a horror book based in the forest/woods, in a little town, with nosy neighbours. There was also a little touch of magical fantasy involved for good measure. The atmosphere was suppressing and when I say this book gave me ANXIETY!
Tess was a wonderful main character, likeable with a touch of edge about her. A take no shit kinda gal, which is right up my street.
It’s quite hard to rave on about this book without giving things away but I will say I clapped at one point. Take from that what you will.
Thank you to @cnvair & the wonderful @3.ambooks for the early eArc of the book!
The biggest flaw of C.N. Vair’s Soutbern horror book The Devil Knows Her Name is that it ends. That’s it, really. As a Southerner, and as someone who lived in the mountains for many years, I was enthralled by the dark Appalachian world shown here. I am a big fan of the entity in fiction known as the “messed up deer.” The scary deer. So, this was the perfect book for me. Also, I loved Tess as a protagonist. There is both a sharpness and a gentleness in the book. It isn’t afraid to be tender and then cruel. It’s dark, biting, moody, atmospheric. It has a strong Faustian element, and yet it subverts even that. I cannot recommend it enough.
A dark fantasy horror about a fawn and a woman who finds herself, her animals and her way of life under threat. From the start we know there is something not quite right about our protagonist Tess, she is mysterious with witchcraft being her art. This has small town vibes but with this dark undertone, by the end there is still this air of mystery around her and how she came to be. This story is atmospheric, spooky and cruel. However with this cruel element there is a tenderness around how the animals are woven into this story, and their role within it.
This is not my usual type of read. I chose it because of Bantam Books brilliant teaser campaign (complete with playlist!) via Instagram. And boy, am I so glad that I did! ‘Fawn’ captivated me from that iconic opening line. It's a beautifully written book, brimming with atmosphere. C.N. Vair has shot straight to the top of my list of instant-read authors. No spoilers but I loved the setting, supporting cast of characters and the thread of feminism and opposition to patriarchy running through each page. Wonderful!
This slow burn, Appalachian folk horror is a wonderful story that explores the fears of being yourself and standing out from the crowd. Do you blend in and avoid hassle or stand up for yourself and bring the potential for bigger drama?
Its atmospheric style is perfect for its natural setting, with just enough peril and danger to mimic the cruelty of nature.
A wonderful story and thanks to NetGalley and Random house for letting me read it!
This is a dark novel that will have you trapped in the pages itching to know what will happen next. This feels like an old dark fairy tale, rooted in folklore. Its about a woman who made a deal with the devil and sometimes that can feel gimmicky but this is anything but that. I loved the writing, it was a joy to read the prose and the story had me engrossed I needed to know what the characters would do next. Its a slow burn, the eerie feeling builds and builds so much that even when finished this story will stick with you. Its emotion heavy and filled with rage and love. Just a fantastic gothic horror that I cant stop thinking about.
Wow, this one surprised me! I really enjoyed this book. It’s very unique, and super atmospheric. A spooky eco-horror swamp gothic modern small town (green) witch story, with a bit of devil seduction on the side. Very well written, no critiques, this novel really hits the spot!
It is hard for me to remember any other story I've read with an ending as satisfying as this one. It's a book that kept me guessing all the way up until that awesome conclusion while being fantastically gripping and creepy throughout. A nature-lovers dream.
A slow burn sinister folk horror simmering with female rage and dare I say, twas a bit sexy? Lemme explain..the writing feels like a soft caress but with nails digging in at the last second, beautiful prose but with a real sharp edge, atmopsheric and emotional this was a real slow punch to the gut