My Selling Pitch:
Ernie’s back for his take on Anxious People’s terrible bank robber. These books are hard drugs for puzzle addicts.
Pre-reading:
Foaming at the mouth, gnawing at the bars of my enclosure for another Ernie fix. These books make me go feral.
(obviously potential spoilers from here on)
Thick of it:
Bird listens in on a confessional? (Kinda!)
I'm totally texting this man.
Omg and a behind the scenes video? Spoil me more!
If they kill Ernie-
Stairs up? On all of them? (Kinda lame we don't get a roof picture.)
Ernie’s trapped in the vault? (He's not.)
A marker for fake money? (Negative.)
Ernie is the thief who doesn't care about money? (Nope.)
Near an airport and four hours ahead of Australia-what country is that lol? I don't know time zones.
Organ donor? And they literally stole his heart? (Ding ding ding.)
Butterflies block the van from seeing him? (Nope.)
Instead of four hours behind…There’s no a.m. or p.m. How far away is Vegas? Maybe they know each other and she's an inside man.
A replica of the gold nugget because now it’s magnetic and gold isn’t supposed to be magnetic? That's robbing a bank by adding an item. (Too obvious.)
Ernie stole the gold pen?
Maybe the pen’s not gold? Is the nugget already switched? (Nope.)
Edward’s in the vault, and he was murdered in there, but no one could’ve gotten in, and that’s the impossible murder? (Yup!)
Remy the rat.
I’m so curious why he’s describing everyone’s outfits because he hasn’t done this before. He hasn’t described Jul‘s outfit, so like why are we getting Remy and Milton specifically? And he points out that Juliet cut her hair? For why? (For set dressing)
Michelle knows the fencer and they met in Vegas? Because he’s nasal and coffee shop? (Nope.)
I love Laverna.
The granddaughter needs the heart.
It's reminding me of Anxious People.
Felix polishes the nugget? For why? (I knew it was a thing but I had zero hope of figuring that out.)
I hope they let us solve the Wordle. (Criminal that they don’t.)
An umbrella because it was raining?
Invoice is 700easy (Too easy, baby. Saw that instantly.)
Maybe his son dies in a boating accident and the gold bar replaced what was in the box? (Couldn’t have been more wrong.)
Tunneling to the church? (Nah.)
Nugget is the switch and Michelle is the inside man? (Nope.)
Maybe the dialogue is broken up?
I am not - one person
A clue- second person (Nope.)
He hired the truck driver lady by buying that eBay listing? (Not it.)
What a good twist!
Remy’s seatbelt is opposite since the US and Australia drive on different sides? So they'd spot him in a traffic ticket. (This is never used, and it ticks me off.)
The Hess truck’s back, and it’s better than ever🎶
Can you buy a full truck off eBay? I think he bought the truck off Laverna to tunnel from the church into the vault and the mess is them cleaning the dirt? (Not at all.)
There’s so many balls in the air. I’m obsessed.
I’m assuming the she who dies if she leaves the bank is Michelle? Are they fixing another video game match?
29 39 34 measurements like in Sherlock? But those would be really awkward measurements. Whose waist is bigger than their shoulders? (LMAO I only know girl measurements sorryyyy.)
Can you do something with the batteries and the magnet, and gold shouldn’t be reactive, but it’s not gold so it’s going to react?
Can he use urine for more water? (Yup.)
Oh, use the magnet to spell help. (Yup.)
Fathers’ day like the priest? (I never assume people can't use basic grammar lmao.)
This book is so funny. I love these so much.
The robber has to keep someone else in the bank because his kid will die-the crying one in the coffee shop. It’s two different ambiguous pronouns. (Yes, Pookie! Keep cooking.)
Remy paid Bryce for why?
Why is Felix good at chemistry?
They keep reminding you about the Australian date order, so maybe the 10 11 is November 10th? Also, I totally thought Ben died in February because I am American, but he died in September. (Wrong again, but I was literally never going to get this.)
Is Cordelia’s dress from Remy‘s clothing brand? (Kinda!)
Is there an accelerant in the sports drink because he wouldn’t let her drink it?
Swapped the safes? But how and for why?
What word ends in ern? Pattern? Like a sewing pattern?
A locker combination? To get the killing uniform out of?
So I’m assuming Bryce and his wife Queenie were contracted to do costuming for the fake show and that’s what the kill fee was but they also costumed Cordelia. (Yup.)
So the nugget is gold-coated iron-oop. I love that the book is like you’re reasonable to think this but no. So the bar from the competition then? (Also no.)
He’s 15 and she’s 20. That’s not appropriate.
The mask irritated his face so maybe his skin was having an allergic reaction to something, but that still doesn't explain sunscreen and lighting on fire. God, I can't wait to find out! (You were so close, but this book requires too much outside knowledge to be truly fair play.)
Are they robbing the urns of all the minority workers? Like taking their fillings and shit? And there’s one in his safe. (Nope.)
Yes, I was wondering what he was supposed to write.
You know, I was so proud of myself for spotting too easy on the invoice instantly but now they keep bringing it up, and I no longer feel smart.
Why would there be powdered salt on the floor? From the spilled iv? Like saline? But for why?
Oh see, when the book makes the same leap as I do, I’m like oh fuck, I must be wrong.
If they’re not into the vault from the tunnel, maybe they’re into the hospital? Why would we need the old workers’ urns? Oh and then he's not saying Ern. He's saying urn!
They’re bringing up the umbrella again and I’m still on the he knew the sprinklers were gonna go off and didn’t wanna get wet. (Nope.)
Okay, Edward also combusted??? How is that happening? I'm so intrigued!!! (SIGH.)
The shoes on Bryce were also fine. Is it a rubber and electricity thing? (Nope.)
There’s gotta be something more with Milton like we’re supposed to write him off because he’s not in the bank but like…(Nope.)
Oh god, here we go with the timeline again. He left at 7. What time was he seen by Winston and how far away was Byron Bay?
Their worth their salt? Like there’s salt again. Electrolytes are salts. Where are we going with this?
And there's the can't see because of butterflies/did Laverne crash the car because of the butterflies? And then they traveled over the mountains to here? Like she's a trucker. She shouldn't just crash.
How did Michelle get injured? A car accident? But it happened before she was in Vegas because she was in a cast then.
He keeps trying to point out all the clues and I’m like I know, I have them. I saw them the first time, but I don’t know how they connect yet!
Tobias isn’t panicked that his son is inside because he knows it’s not a real robbery? (No, he's just a shitbag.)
My jaw also dropped.
So they’re betting on the boys. Maybe that’s how Edward lost 2 million betting on his son or betting against his son? Could Eric‘s dad have been called in to talk Edward out of being suicidal after his son was killed? (Nope.)
Why is Ernie continuously counting wrong? (FML.)
The priest has so much money because he’s getting gold from the ashes because they didn’t have magnets back then to take the fillings out? (Nope.)
OK, so they just proved the nugget really is made of gold and the pen. But not the bar? Did he sponsor the tournament and his son had to win so he could get the fake bar? But why?
I think the safes are what switched. (Finally.)
Gotta lose money to make money.
220,000, which is the bet money, is the eBay receipt for the toy truck. (Nailed it.)
Red dust on the bar like from the teapot like from the mine? (Nope.)
Keep an eye out for small lies. Still trying to figure out the thief wanting sunscreen. (Poor Samantha.)
They keep emphasizing that the gun is heavy. It only had one bullet. But there’s a second gun and that’s Felix‘s.
Yeah, I figured out the dress but.
If he’s allergic to sunlight that umbrella wasn’t for rain, it was for sun?
They keep reminding us that the sports drink hasn’t been used yet, so it's not the accelerant, but it's not potable, so what is it, god?
This is nuts lmao.
The pot is Ben’s ashes so he can’t come back from the dead? and it rules out Winston because Winston figured out it was his brother’s safe in there and knew Edward's son‘s ashes were inside? Bc he said don't mess with the urn basically? (Nope.)
What did he shoot? The only thing I can think of is if he was trying to shoot the bird. (You’re early, babe.)
What’s the coin significance? Eric has 2 silver coins and that leads to Ernie miscounting because-I don’t know currency like this. I’m American lmao. (The way I thought they were talking about dollar bills all book only to learn that Australians have one dollar coins and only coins.)
OK, so the timeline is what’s gonna clinch it? I hate math.
He said and a button. Could the button be a coin? (Nope.)
So on Thursday, Remy was with the actor right before the accident.
Eight months ago, Felix tested something that was mostly iron (so sometime in March) Was it when they won the gold bar in the tournament?
Do they keep emphasizing that gold and the gun are heavy because it’s a golden gun that melted once it was fired? (Lmao, Samantha, please.)
The rusty teapot saved Harold from dysentery? And Winston’s gut is a mess.
And the priest’s jar of water…I don’t know how they all connect. (They don’t, but you were onto something with the teapot.)
Could Felix be testing the bell in the church? That's the only other cast iron I can think of, but why?
Alright. Finished 40 and paused. This one is good. I don’t know whodunnit. Lemme have a little brain dump and see what I can figure out. (8 sheets of scrap paper later)
Let's figure out the timeline.
Ernie gets to the bank at 10am.
Actor’s life support switched off at 9am in Byron which is 2 hours away.
Hearts expire in 6 hours.
So the earliest they can be at the hospital is 11:30 and they have to get the heart by 3pm-and it's a timer. It's not slow. It's how long he has to get his coffee shop daughter a heart. It's two ambiguous shes. If Cor leaves the bank, Emma dies. (Nancy fuckin’ Drew over here.)
Bryce was going to hit the actor because he had Ernie’s cup to save the film’s money so they wouldn't be fired, but chickened out? And then the butterflies prevented him from seeing and it became an actual accident to take advantage of? But how would he not be in jail for manslaughter? And how does he know to rob the bank to stall them? How does he even know they'll be there-because he donated to complete their campaign. How does he get past reception? Maybe the combo in his pocket was Felix’s locker where he left a fencing costume for him? But that's why he flips when Cor and Lav aren't in the initial group of hostages and why he loses it when Ernie asks if he's heartless. But somebody had to tell him the vault was locked so he knew asking for a dollar would be a proper stall. So who’s helping him rob the place?
The coins-Eric contributes two silver coins that total 70cents. Ernie miscounts it as 4.80 but Juliette has it right at 4.40. Googling Australian currency-the only combo to be 70cents is a 50 and a 20, so the other coin to be 80 must be a 10 and that stays the same when Juliette counts, so the 50 must switch to a 10? Is it like a bad forgery? You rob a bank backwards by adding something of less value, so he's adding fake coins? But he's just a kid and he doesn't need money if he's a streamer.
Ed was worried about security a week before this happened. he made Felix get a new gun. He hired Michelle from a different phone. His security box is open. What did he take out of the security box? He sat under the air conditioning vents, and Bryce died next to the air conditioning vents on the roof. Is there something with a flammable gas? Is it a neon sports drink? Never mind, neon isn’t inflammable. He can’t die by nut though. That’s so stupid. Whatever the plastic was in Bryce‘s pocket, could that be an ignition source?
Why isn't Tobias worried about his son? Like he has to be involved somehow.
What does Winston’s safe prove? The pot if it’s Ben’s ashes proves it's not him from beyond the grave.
Can you rob a bank by putting a magnet in the vault? Disrupting a secret aimbot in Eric’s deposit box?
Dysentery killed Felix’s ancestor, but ancestor Huxley was safe because he drank from the teapot because?
10 thefts. Ernie pen, Juls 5k, Bryce literally a heart, Michelle 10k, Laverna 150k, Cordelia 150k and a heart? Can they reuse an item? That's lame if so. Remy 25 mill, priest coffee cup. Felix is a revenge theft. Winston took “everything” and what the actual fuck did Eric steal? I can't think of it.
3 heists. 1 already happened-Michelle’s 10k. 2 is in-progress which is? And 3 is about to kick off-Bryce’s heart theft. But isn't that already in progress since he donated that morning? So if that's actually the in-progress one… A third heist needs to start during the robbery out of opportunity? Putting the magnet in to disrupt the dye pack frequency so they can steal the money? But how would they know to bring a magnet?
I gave up. It stumped me. (I think I figured out everything I could’ve. Except for Ditto. That was fair, and I missed it.)
Ernie being an Aries makes a lot of sense lol.
Closed casket because he’s not dead because I refuse!
Yeah, I got all the Bryce shit. We done been knew. Saying he came in without a goal to the robbery and was just gonna stall for time and just happened to think of a dollar from the vault that they can’t get into is really weak. Also, it falls apart if they could get into the vault. And he has no reason to suspect they can’t get into the vault.
I did guess that the pocket code was measurements initially, but then wrote it off because whose waist is bigger than their shoulders!
OK, that’s not totally fair play because I have literally never heard of Royal Water and the book never introduces it as even a possibility.
OK, I got the urn. I just didn’t get who was in the urn.
I didn’t know gold was poisonous. Fancy restaurants eat gold leaf all the time. How are we not dying? I like how I picked up on all the clues and I knew who they went to, but I couldn’t solve it because I don’t know this outside information.
But how did Winston learn that his relative killed somebody?
Mr. Stevenson I love you, but this dialogue “I am not a clue” is stupid. No one talks like that.
15-year-olds know over under. That’s a very well-known phrase.
The pistachio thing is not real. Are you shitting me?
That’s a lot that has to go right for it to work. Also, the magnet is weak enough to only pick up two coins from a whole pile soundlessly no less, but strong enough to wipe a tape a whole deposit box away? How do they know that box is empty? Their plan falls apart if it’s taken. Also, if it’s streamed with a death, that shit’s been clipped by a hundred different users already.
When do we get told that the crypt glows in the dark? I missed that.
These solutions require you to know a lot about chemicals and how they’re poisonous and I just don’t know that. That’s not super fair.
Did not have Eric pegged as the murderer at all.
I knew somebody was gonna shoot at the bird!
You know, the rest of this book, easily 5 stars. The parlor scene, not my fave. Death by pistachio is really fucking stupid.
Post-reading:
This series is so much fun. This one is incredibly fast-paced. I think it’s actually impossible to get bored reading it. Frustrated is a whole other matter.
This book lobs a lot of balls into the air. It’s a giant cast with a lot of moving parts. It’s overwhelming, but that’s part of the appeal. For a series that prides itself on being fair play, I think this one is really walking the line. It requires you to have a fair bit of outside knowledge of chemicals. I think tossing in a couple more “totally innocuous and not at all relevant fun fact asides” or a few more passages from the chemistry textbook would’ve made this a bit more fair. The Sherlock know-how WAS fair in my opinion because the book tells you the relevant parts of the cases before you need to use them.
Two of the solutions are a bit unbelievable even for a campy mystery purposely trying to be twisty. Death by spontaneous nut combustion, is outrageous, that’s what she said jokes aside. Similarly, the magnet’s properties play a little too fast and loose with plot convenience. I’ll buy that Bryce went into the robbery without a goal other than to stall for time, but his demands should’ve switched up. It’s just a little too convenient that his first ask was perfectly impossible.
I think there’s a couple clues left hanging in a series that’s usually tighter. I was amazed that Remy’s faux seatbelt shirt never became relevant and that we never harkened back to the parking meters at the beginning of the book. I was waiting for the joke that only an idiot could rack up a fine worth more than pocket change, but they’ve been parked for days now and Juliette’s got a grand in her pocket. It’s nothing book ruining. I’m just nitpicking because this series is one of my absolute favorites.
Until the slightly disappointing ending, I thought this was going to be my new favorite in the series. The second on the train is still my favorite though. I’ll be waiting very impatiently for the next installment.
Who should read this:
Clue and logic puzzle fans
Taylor Adams fans
Holly Jackson fans
Ideal reading time:
August
Do I want to reread this:
It’s hard to reread mysteries when you know the answer, but I will continue to shove this series at everyone I know.
Would I buy this:
Duh!
Similar books:
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* Kill Joy by Holly Jackson-YA murder mystery party game
* Five Survive by Holly Jackson-YA mystery, thriller
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* With a Vengeance by Riley Sager-historical, locked room mystery, revenge thriller
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* She Lies in Wait by Gytha Lodge-crime, procedural, mystery, revenge thriller, ensemble cast
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.