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From Death Wish To Diagnosis : Portrait of an ADHD meltdown
From the author of "Im Fine".
I knew my wife and I were having issues. We have been living together as "friends" for a while now and it was hard to ignore. With that in mind, I decided to open up about how I was feeling. For a couple of weeks we had conversations, skirting around the issues and never really "dealing" with anything. That is, until my wife told me she wanted a divorce.
This declaration didn't exactly come as a surprise but the timing of it left a lot to be deserved (I mean, did it have to be done on my birthday?) and I ended up going into a tail-spin. I was worrying about how I would keep up the house payments, how I could keep paying my bills, how I could maintain my car payments and - more importantly - how I could keep a hold of my pets. I went from having "usual life problems" to drowning and the only way out that I could see was suicide.
And it's here my mind got stuck.
I would go to the bridge in town. I would sit there and cry. I would talk myself out of jumping with thoughts of my dog and how she would feel if I abandoned her. I knew it was only a matter of time before I did just jump though and, that's when I went back to the doctors to tell them I was struggling with my mental health.
Within 24 hours I was sitting opposite "Bob"; one of the many people working within the Crisis Team. He told me I wasn't battling depression (something the doctors often pushed at me) but was, in fact, having an ADHD meltdown. I'd heard of ADHD before but this was the first time I was hearing about a meltdown. The more he explained, the more everything started clicking into place. It didn't "fix" my head but it helped me start to process things... And I would continue seeing Bob every couple of days.
The purpose of this book is not to make you pity me. I wrote it as a diary throughout my time with the Crisis Team, and subsequent meetings with ADHD assessors, community mental health teams, psychiatrists, psychologists and "normal" doctors. The reason I wrote the book was both to help myself and raise awareness towards mental health and what happens when we can find ourselves in crisis. I want you to see that, actually, it is "okay" to talk about such things and - when we need it - help is never as far away from us as it could feel.
I am not alone.
You are not alone.
We are not alone.
Profits from this title go to mental health charities.
I knew my wife and I were having issues. We have been living together as "friends" for a while now and it was hard to ignore. With that in mind, I decided to open up about how I was feeling. For a couple of weeks we had conversations, skirting around the issues and never really "dealing" with anything. That is, until my wife told me she wanted a divorce.
This declaration didn't exactly come as a surprise but the timing of it left a lot to be deserved (I mean, did it have to be done on my birthday?) and I ended up going into a tail-spin. I was worrying about how I would keep up the house payments, how I could keep paying my bills, how I could maintain my car payments and - more importantly - how I could keep a hold of my pets. I went from having "usual life problems" to drowning and the only way out that I could see was suicide.
And it's here my mind got stuck.
I would go to the bridge in town. I would sit there and cry. I would talk myself out of jumping with thoughts of my dog and how she would feel if I abandoned her. I knew it was only a matter of time before I did just jump though and, that's when I went back to the doctors to tell them I was struggling with my mental health.
Within 24 hours I was sitting opposite "Bob"; one of the many people working within the Crisis Team. He told me I wasn't battling depression (something the doctors often pushed at me) but was, in fact, having an ADHD meltdown. I'd heard of ADHD before but this was the first time I was hearing about a meltdown. The more he explained, the more everything started clicking into place. It didn't "fix" my head but it helped me start to process things... And I would continue seeing Bob every couple of days.
The purpose of this book is not to make you pity me. I wrote it as a diary throughout my time with the Crisis Team, and subsequent meetings with ADHD assessors, community mental health teams, psychiatrists, psychologists and "normal" doctors. The reason I wrote the book was both to help myself and raise awareness towards mental health and what happens when we can find ourselves in crisis. I want you to see that, actually, it is "okay" to talk about such things and - when we need it - help is never as far away from us as it could feel.
I am not alone.
You are not alone.
We are not alone.
Profits from this title go to mental health charities.
263 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 12, 2026
1 person want to read
About the author
Matt Shaw
534 books2,222 followersBiography
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
January 19, 2026
Got this as an arc from the author! The whole book really resonated with me and I feel honoured as one of the first people to read it!
I would actually read this book multiple times!
It’s perfectly written to show the perspective of living ADHD and in my case plus the autism!
When the book is published I will spread around socials as a great read and keep up the praise!
I feel like mental health in this book was portrayed very well and really felt like it was written about how I feel in some respect
Especially growing up in a world that’s not built for people like me who are neurodivergent! The fact of mental health bringing me to point where I’m so exhausted and in burnout. Also having to re evaluate who I am as a person and learn how to be the real me and not just have the mask up 24/7
And the fact I have been through a very toxic breakup which definitely made my mental health worse!
If you are struggling definitely read this book and it might help you want to reach out to someone/services
Sending love and hugs to you Matt!!
I would actually read this book multiple times!
It’s perfectly written to show the perspective of living ADHD and in my case plus the autism!
When the book is published I will spread around socials as a great read and keep up the praise!
I feel like mental health in this book was portrayed very well and really felt like it was written about how I feel in some respect
Especially growing up in a world that’s not built for people like me who are neurodivergent! The fact of mental health bringing me to point where I’m so exhausted and in burnout. Also having to re evaluate who I am as a person and learn how to be the real me and not just have the mask up 24/7
And the fact I have been through a very toxic breakup which definitely made my mental health worse!
If you are struggling definitely read this book and it might help you want to reach out to someone/services
Sending love and hugs to you Matt!!
Displaying 1 of 1 review