La mujer emocionalmente sana: Cómo dejar de aparentar que todo marcha bien y experimentar un cambio de vida (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality)

by Geri Scazzero, Peter Scazzero (Contributor)

Geri Scazzero knew there was something desperately wrong with her life. She felt like a single parent raising her four young daughters alone. She finally told her husband, 'I quit, ' and left the thriving church he pastored, beginning a journey that transformed her and her marriage for the better. In The Emotionally Healthy Woman, Geri provides you a way out of an inauthentic, superficial spirituality to genuine freedom in Christ. This book is for every woman who thinks, 'I can't keep pretending everything is fine!' The journey to emotional health begins by quitting. Geri quit being afraid of what others think. She quit lying. She quit denying her anger and sadness. She quit living someone else's life. When you quit those things that are damaging to your soul or the souls of others, you are freed up to choose other ways of being and relating that are rooted in love and lead to life. When you quit for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way, you're on the path not only to emotional health, but also to the true purpose of your life. 'QUITTING WILL SET YOU FREE! Not a typical message heard in the church today, especially among 'nice, Christian women, ' but one that has been needed for years! By refusing to cling to a shell of pretension, the true freedom of our new lives in Christ is realized, and Geri shows us how. A fast, informed read, this book breaks down the walls of the false ideals we cling to in and shows us that by quitting these idols, we re-discover God's love. I was supposed to read this book. I needed to read this book. Thank you, Geri.' Kim de Blecourt, Short-term Adventure Specialist with Food for Orphans and author of 'Until We All Come Home: A Harrowing Journey, a Mother's Courage, a Race to Freedo

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Spirituality, Womens

193 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 3, 2012

Reviews

[Leigh Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ok, but not great. This is a Pastor's wife who had to quit living for everyone else
and start living for herself. She talks about 8 things we should "Quit". A lot of her points are good ones, I especially enjoyed the chapter on Quit Overfunctioning, but I found myself thinking she had crossed over from selflessness to the point of self-harm, to selfishness where everyone has to put up with her boundaries. I felt she went too far in some areas. There are some good things to learn from this book, but wasn't as good as I'd expected.

[Laurie DelaCruz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I understand the premise behind the book, but some of the message was lost on me. It is incredibly easy, especially in ministry, to get burned out from giving so much of yourself. So it is important to put up boundaries to protect yourself from that. But there was no counterbalance factored in. After reading the book, the impression left was that the only person that mattered in my decision-making was me. Not my husband or my children or anyone else. I don't believe that's God's intention at all, and if the roles were reversed, I would not be happy with a husband organizing his (and my) life around his own personal emotional needs.

I completely agree that we need to nurture the inner self that God created, and we need to not lose sight of who we are in His eyes. I would have preferred for the author to show how that can be accomplished as a team in marriage, with both husband and wife helping and supporting each other in that growth. As opposed to the woman going on this journey alone, upending her family's lives and letting them adjust or not, as they chose.

All that being said, there was a lot of food for thought, and I enjoyed having some of my mindset challenged. The Lord used the book to show me some areas I can work on, and I was encouraged to discover my husband and I have grown in our marriage to the point where many of the pitfalls mentioned have been navigated successfully and appropriate changes put in place.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book just wasn't written for me - it speaks to a subset of generally conservative Christianity where self care (or even admitting that you have needs of your own, despite of course being primarily a wife and mother) is revolutionary. If you struggle with the idea that your own needs are valid and your opinions matter as much as your husband's... then this would be a good place to start exploring the idea of being honest in your relationships, valuing your own time and feelings, and taking care of yourself guilt-free.

I was also hoping for a more memoir style, which would have let me connect more with the author. This was a book club pick, so I did my best to power through despite my mis-match to the target audience.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

the good: yes! quit lying! quit blaming others! quit being afraid of what others think! There are often good descriptions of these dangerous habits so many of us struggle with ... and self-examination is always a good place to start.

the rest:. so much of it left an uncomfortable feeling. it may be that she had so thoroughly "erased" her self, that it took drastic steps to change things, but I am uncomfortable with advocating these unilateral declarations and changes in a marriage (an abusive marriage is a different thing, and not what she described): "I'm quitting the church you pastor and attending elsewhere"; "I'm taking the kids and spending a month at my parents - even though you don't approve", "you're doing your OWN laundry from now on", etc.

Much of it sounds just selfish to my ears .. a number of "I, I, I" sections. There is SO MUCH focus on "me" and "my", and little on growing in the image of Christ, and letting him live his life through my own. People often say, "eat the corn and leave the cob". There is some good corn, here, but I found a lot of "cob" as well.

[Christina DeVane · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I had read this book 5 years ago I would have thought this lady was a bit crazy and maybe even unspiritual. But experience has been one of my greatest teachers.
There are certain things you learn to quit like caring what everyone under the sun thinks about you, etc.
I must live for a much greater purpose.
The chapter about over-functioning resonated with me the most as this has been my greatest struggle. This author wrote my exact thoughts at times and it’s so nice not to feel alone.💞
I wouldn’t agree with all her actions like quitting church with her husband, but she was in such a desperate place and I have so much more sympathy for those in this state having experienced my own dark desert of exhaustion.
I will come back to this one for sure!

[Myles Daryll · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book had a powerful beginning, and it makes you realize how you shouldnt be too hard on yourself, especially as a Christian. It felt freeing to read the book because it helps you realize that you dont have to have it all together all the time, you dont have to be perfect, you dont have to do everything, you dont have to say yes all the time.

However, after each chapter, i felt that the book was too draggy and too personal 🥺😭 the author just seemed to nag endlessly throughout every chapter of how tired and overworked she is 😭 i understand her naman, but i felt like she shouldve kept most of those to herself nalang! i felt bad for her husband Pete because she exposed so much on their marriage and made it look like Pete was such a bad husband and father. At the same time, i felt that most of the lessons the author was trying to imply were all just based on her own examples, not actual experiences that had happened. So for me i found it baseless and not strong enough. I also felt if your spiritual life is not that mature yet, so much of the book can be taken out of context that will lead you to be selfish 😭 i felt it lacked the balance between being super selfless and being super selfish. Lastly!!! I felt like the author’s thoughts are all over the place, na the whole book generally has one main takeaway- to be more honest with yourself and to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. But the sub-parts of the books also has a lot of sub-sub-parts, na i found it overwhelming in the end!! They made sense, but i found them very hard to grasp and remember.

As i read the book, i found myself nagging about how she’s nagging all the time HAHAHA! So more of negative impact sya for me na nahawa ako sa how she’s feeling, rather than becoming emotionally healthy! Im sorry Geri 😭

In my opinion, in order to live a balanced and healthy Christian life, we must:

1. Listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. God clearly directs us what He wants us to do. On all that we’re going to do, consult Him first if this is what He wants. His goal is not to overwhelm us or to tire us out. Whatever He tasks us to do, He will equip us and help us finish. So trust Him!

2. Do things from the heart. If it doesnt feel right or if you dont have peace, then pray about it, then stop doing it or let that responsibility go. No need to force yourself to do things that will only make you grumble as you serve Him and others. God wants us to serve Him JOYFULLY.

3. It’s okay to get tired as you serve, but never get tired in serving Him! There’s a difference between the two! If you get tired, then rest! And then, continue serving God.

I believe to achieve the balance on being too selfless and too selfish, you really need to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Meditate on His Word, spend your daily Quiet Time with Him. Surely, He always makes things clear for us!

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I honestly don’t have enough good things to say about this book and how very much this teaching is needed in reformed/conservative/Presbyterian type circles (of which I am strongly all those things). Somewhere along the way and in all our wonderful logic and theology and brainiac activity, we forgot how important it is to be authentic. That having the right answers isn’t enough, knowing everything about the Bible isn’t enough... For years I struggled with this missing puzzle piece. Because I loved God, I tried to follow him and honor him as best I could. And I believe we did have an authentic relationship. But I was denying my emotions, squashing down my fears and anxieties, and generally thinking that a good Christian doesn’t experience any of those things, much less talk about them. So I numbed myself to emotions and allowed my head to rule. Logic is wonderful and very necessary for life, as is good solid theology as a Christian, and I love these things. But they are not enough. Jesus made us human, with emotions and likes and dislikes. And surely we are not called to transcend ourselves? No we are called to be human but love him. To embrace who God made us, not try and be something or someone were not. God made us all with gifts. Instead of wishing or trying to be a gift or a person you think fits the “Christian” image you were brought up with or adopted to feel like a good person, embrace who God actually made you! This doesn’t mean embracing your sin or your evil passions. But there is a lot of grey area here! And I am saddened to see so many Christians denying who they are to pursue this idea someone put in their head of what Christians should or shouldn’t be. This book opened my eyes to the beauty of being honest and authentic and allowing Christ to see our dirtiest parts so that he can authentically renew us from the inside out. Not just on the outside. This book changed my life forever, but it all had to do with timing. That’s the beautiful thing about the Spirit. He had me read this when I needed it and when I was open to it. May he open your heart to a new way of thinking as well.


Side note: this book is for any gender. My husband read it as well at the recommendation of our pastor and he learned a ton. I’m sad that the word woman is in the title otherwise more men would read it. These struggles are not unique to women, but unique to humans.

[Kristi Jett · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book seems targeted to a specific audience: upper-middle class church-women. The author writes about all her sacrifices for husband, children, and church, but most of what she describes sounds incredibly entitled. Example: how miserable she was staying in NYC for the summers with her husband rather than doing what she wanted of going to her parent’s beach house for the summer. Completely unrelatable to the majority of women who have to work year round and juggle multiple roles. Having a beach house rental to spend the summer at is a luxury most people do not relate to. Most authors writing this type of book are honest about their flaws, but she presents a sort of humble brag in that all her flaws include doing everything everyone else wants her to do. Then, when she describes all her changes to “be true to herself,” she sounds pretty demanding and spoiled. It’s as though everyone else suddenly has to accommodate “her truth.” Another frustration with this book is that it was difficult to read and follow. The author seemed obsessed with flowery language and silly phrases to describe issues. Also, for a Christian book, she used very little Scripture throughout.

Overall, I thought the author came across as spoiled, immature, and silly. She had some good points sprinkled throughout the book, but not enough to justify reading the book. There are much better Christian authors out there who teach similar principles without all the fluff, self-absorption, and spoiled entitlement.

[DT · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have a lot of thoughts on this book. I’ll start with the positives.

Scazzero’s writing style is easy to follow along with. She isn’t condescending, and is clear and concise.

Chapter 5 and 6 are the best. Chapter 5 deals with blaming and chapter 6 deals with over functioning (think of Martha of Bethany). I like the use of scripture in these chapters.

The main message of the book is about setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up to live more freely and authentically. These are very important to the Christian.

However, my big issue with this book (and similar ones) is how they don’t deal with the root cause of why Christians often let others walk all over them.

Many believers are trying to live out Christ’s teachings about turning the other cheek, walking the extra mile and loving our enemies. Scazzero never explains why asserting yourself in a way that may not be received well isn’t in violation of these teachings.

Even the times when she does apply Scripture, she sometimes does so quite sloppily. For example, she talks about Jesus saying no to others, not living up to their expectations, and “living his own life” rather than others’ (chapter 8), while completely missing the idea that the son of Man came to serve, not be served and to give His life as a ransom for many.

This book raised a lot of questions for me, despite having some good advice.

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Women's Bible Study group read this over an eight week period. It was really helpful and created so much really good discussion. There is so much to learn about ourselves as women. We learned to "let go" of certain things in our lives that are holding us back. Geri Scazzero did a great job with her explanations of the changes she made in her life and how it could apply to everyone! Made some major changes in my life because of this book. Loved the lessons I learned. Truly it helped discussing it with other really insightful ladies. I highly recommend this book for all women.

[Campbell Munsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

really great truths and practical ways to grow your emotional intelligence rooted in Christ!

[Joy Musselman · Rating 1 out of 5]

My disappointment in this book was huge. I appreciated The Emotionally Healthy Relationships but I cannot say the same about this. Perhaps if I would know more of Geri's story it would make sense. But as it was, this book was more feminist entitlement than Biblical. She recommends a woman taking control of her life and living her own life, not her husband's or anyone else's. I cannot agree with this because as a Christian I have taken on Christ as Lord of my life.. yes, I still live; but it is no longer my desires or even needs that dictate my life.. It is Him.

Several years ago because of a culmination of several difficult circumstances out of my control I had every 'joy' in my life stripped away. It was all I could do to survive life. There was no weekly sabbatical as she recommends much less a month every year! But, in choosing to accept what was and continuing to serve those around me and to Trust in the One Who had orchestrated all these things and He carried me thru those long difficult years!! I am afraid, had I read this book then, it would have robbed me of the depth I found in Christ thru that journey of allowing Him to be God in the darkest of circumstances.

I did thoroughly enjoy the chapter Quit Faulty Thinking.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I can never learn enough about how to improve my life spiritually. While I did find this book to be helpful. I would have to say that it is more of a workout that you would do on your own. I was expecting it to have exercises at the end of each chapter as a helpful guide/tool. Instead each chapter titled: Quit being afraid of what others think, quit lying, quit dying to the wrong things, quit denying anger, sadness, and fear, quit blaming, quit overfunctioning, quit faulty thinking, and quit living someone else’s life was laid out with Geri sharing her own personal experiences in each category and then towards the end of each chapter it was split out into two or three sections on how to improve in each of these areas for yourself.

Still this was a good book. I did learn just how important all of these eight things are to having a good, healthy, happy life. Geri did a good job of explaining these things. Readers will relate to everything she is saying including all of her personal experiences. She does not talk down to readers but talks on an even level.

[Petra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quitting is God’s path for new things to come forth in our lives, for resurrection. And yet, the path that leads to resurrection is never easy. Everything inside us resists the pain associated with dying—the nonnegotiable prerequisite for resurrection.

Quickly became one of my fav self-help books; eye-opening, practical, radical and freeing!

This book is rich with valid psychological and spiritual knowledge and I love how in everything written, there's the underlying truth of how emotional, mental and spiritual health are closely related.

The author lists 8 things a woman needs to quit in order to live an emotionally healthy life:
-being afraid of what others think-lying-dying to the wrong things-denying anger, sadness and fear-blaming-overfunctioning-faulty thinking-living someone else's life

At first glance of some titles, I thought I don't struggle with this particular thing, only to later in the chapter find deeper layers of the issue and still find something new I can learn :D

I very much enjoyed reading her vulnerable personal stories and how she learnt these lessons through hard situations, I could relate to much of what she said.

I was expecting/ hoping for content that is geared particularly towards women, but I found the advice and tools in this book to be relevant for both men and women.

I would highly recommend it to anyone struggling with any of the 8 things she mentions and I would personally love to re-read it again at some point in the future. These principles need life-long practice as they can truly be life changing!

Choosing an authentic life does not mean choosing an easy life; these decisions are difficult and involve pain. The question is whether the pain you choose will be redemptive or destructive.

[Sarah Collier · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was a lot of good in this book but overall, it felt to me that Geri took it too far - maybe out of her desperation but to quit the church her husband pastored? Several of her points crossed a line from selfless to selfish. To refuse someone’s milestone birthday party who clearly values your attendance on the platform that your family comes first? There are plenty of hours in a week to do both. Go to the party & have valuable family time. Why can’t we have both? Self-care & compassion for others? Don’t say yes to everything but also…don’t say no to everything. Another thing that didn’t seem relatable to me was her advice on sabbath: a day a week (mostly doable), a month each summer? (My husband is a small town pastor, we can’t do that every year!) & a 3 month sabbatical every 7 years (out of the question for most people, let alone most pastor’s families). It sounds lovely & I wish I could live that life but it’s unattainable for the majority of people. I’m glad she’s found emotional health for herself but some of the advice just wasn’t relatable. The good nuggets:
1. Stop mind reading
2. Know when not to follow your feelings
3. Stop overfunctioning
4. Stop caring what others think - to a point, in my opinion, be compassionate as God calls us to. We are not the center of the universe.
5. It’s healthy to have friendships outside of your church- I need to work on this.

[Amy Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved this book. I think it is a must-read for minister’s wives because of Geri‘s frankness about her own story, which is essentially a minister’s wife caught up in obligation after obligation, suffering with stowed bitterness and rage, with no identity of her own.

The book was previously titled, “I Quit!” and even now has the subtitle, “eight things you have to quit to change your life.” I wish they’d kept the old title, because the book doesn’t really have anything to say to only women uniquely except that she mainly uses examples from her own life. The principles are gender spanning.

I really loved her point in chapter one that we won’t be able to quit stewing over what other people think until we immerse ourselves in God’s love. Only when we immerse ourselves in God’s love will we be able to quit lying (chapter 2) to ourselves, about ourselves and others. Her chapter on overfunctioning was also extremely valuable—it really highlighted how complementary gender roles can slide into emotional unhealth and keep spouses from working together as a team.

Overall, I’d recommend this to women in general and especially to ministry wives who find themselves overburdened and lost.

[Lainey Monroe · Rating 3 out of 5]

"we expect other people to know what we want before we are clear in our own minds before we say it. The problem is that we have expectations that are unconscious ( we are not even aware of them), unrealistic ( we have illusions), unspoken (we keep them in our heads), and unagreed upon ( the other person never said yes to them)."

"We violate defensive separateness when we tell people what they should think and feel. We utter boundary crossing statements such as
"That's ridiculous how could you think that!' 'you shouldn't be angry.'. 'i can't believe you like that movie!' 'you don't care about me that's why you don't call me.'

Author Ed Friedman describes the negative relational impact of over-functioning this way... "When one over functions in another's place, it can cause the disintegration of the other's being."

[Nay Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was book was an eye-opening, awe-inspiring read for me. Especially with all that has happened in the last year and a half I was able to really see myself in a new light. This book is such a powerful one that helps you realize the greatness of who God created you to be and how he created you to function.

Emotional healthiness is often spoken of but never really cared for. This revealed so much and really gave practical tips and tricks to becoming emotionally healthy and whole. Geri did not hold back in her story. I felt as if I was reading my own personal experience and thoughts as she shared her own.

This was relatable, scripture filled, edifying and so much more. I would 100% recommend this to all women! This book will help you spiritually and emotionally mature with each turn of the page. Definitely an impactful book for me.

[Chené Grobler]

I will not be rating this book in the boundary of a star rating. This book was helpful and honest.
“Most of us arrive at a sense of self only through a long journey through alien lands. But this journey bears no resemblance to the trouble-free “travel packages” sold by the tourism industry. It is more akin to the ancient tradition pilgrimage- “a transformative journey to a sacred center full of hardship, darkness and peril.” - Parker Palmer

A great reminder to live out your OWN life and not the lives of others. God created one of YOU and you should live out the life He has for YOU.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to gift this book to every woman I know and love. One of the most needed messages for women that shouldn’t be ignored! If you struggle with taking personal responsibility/asking for what you want, unmet expectations start this today! I learned so much and this is a message the church needs to start sharing with women. Most transformative book I’ve read in years. Don’t waist more time being a “good Christian girl” and feeling guilty..learn about Who God truly says you are!

[Kathleen Moy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was.... ok. It built upon Pete Scazzero's works, fine tuning it particularly to married women, especially those who may be share Geri Scazzero's propensity to say Yes to too many things (and perhaps doing it in the name of ministry). For those women, I would recommend it, but I'm not sure I would beyond that audience. For me, it could have been improved by talking more about key identity issues that drive the types of behaviors she mentions in the book, plus providing more biblical support.

However, I don't want to sound too harsh as I appreciate Geri sharing her journey and the lessons learned, and I do think this could be a helpful resource for many.

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did this book as a Bible study with friends. There were nuggets of wisdom I found helpful throughout. Many great discussions in this about how people have difficulty dealing with conflict and blaming others. Premise here is to live in your integrity and advocate for your needs. Worth reading for the pep talk encouraging setting boundaries with others.

[Marisel Soto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un libro muy emotivo donde nos lleva a momentos en los cuáles nos podemos identificar y en los cuales podemos ver en que estamos cometiendo equivocaciones que nos llevan a perdernos como personas y destruir nuestra familia. Todo de la mano de la vivencia de geri y su familia .
Los libros de superación personal no me gusta ponerle un porcentaje por que son lo bueno que puede dejar en cada persona que los lea .

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. I listened to the audiobook while cleaning and driving. It's one I'd really enjoy having a copy of. Also, might be a great small group. However, she went a little too far in some areas.

[AW · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like having a conversation with a wise mentor. Geri gives such practical application from a heart of genuinely caring about the emotional heath of every women.
It’s a must read for any women who grew up in the church or works in ministry. It also would make a phenomenal tool for a small group or mentor/mentee relationship.

[Madeleine Si · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first i thought i don't have those struggles... But when the author describes each chapter carefully, it hit me. A must read for all people not just woman. Super nice book that can help you in your walk with God focused on Him alone.

[Regina Ripamonti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Well done Geri. Thank you for sharing your journey with me through your book.

[andimae · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️

[Yolanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was both easy-to-read and challenging in a painful but good way. I found it repetitive at times.

[Cebobo · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I wouldn’t agree with everything this author said, there was a ton in this book I could relate to!