There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel: A Novel of Giant Crabs

John Dies at the End #5

by Jason Pargin

New York Times bestselling author Jason Pargin's nightmarishly hilarious John Dies at the End series is back to entertain all who enter. And seriously, you can just start here.

A massive, sticky pile of severed human limbs suddenly appears in the parking lot of a vacant department store in a desolate small town. A set of footprints are found trailing away in the snow, as if a single pair of bare feet had wandered off the pile. If this wasn’t puzzling enough, the cops soon find that no one seems to be missing the limbs. Some of the fingerprints on the severed arms belong to living people with all their appendages intact, others match no one on file, the rest of the limbs somehow have no prints at all.

This sounds like a case for local weirdos John, David and Amy, partly because the cops don’t want the headache and partly because David’s own arm is in the pile, despite an identical copy of it still being attached to his body. When a mysterious man then shows up at David’s home claiming to be in pursuit of an entity he calls “the Penetrator,” it seems clear the trio are in for a long weekend.

In addition to stopping whatever this nonsense is, the gang will also have to quell the panicked headlines that threaten to ensue, which could prompt the feds to try to just wipe the whole town off the map (again). As such, the first thing you need to know is that, contrary to whatever ugly rumors you may have heard, there are no giant crabs in this novel.

Genres: Horror, Humor, Fiction

400 pages, Hardcover

Expected publication November 3, 2026

About the author

Jason Pargin is a New York Times bestselling author who used to write under the pseudonym David Wong. His first novel, John Dies at the End, became a feature film in 2012. He is also the author of the Zoey Ashe series, currently in development for TV.

Jason was also the Executive Editor at Cracked.com from 2007 until 2020, when he left to become a full time novelist. He has a dog.

Reviews

[Alyssa]

what do you MEAN this doesn't come out until November??? You can't just dangle a new JDATE book in front of my face and then yank it away

[Christel Nance · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel uncomfortable. Giant crabs or not, this book made me uncomfortable. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s a good thing or not.

Amy and David find themselves in a story straight out of an episode of the Twilight Zone. And strangely enough, they aren’t as surprised as I would have expected for someone to be.

The plot is original, and it fits with the trends of multi-dimensions. I didn’t like the unnecessary sexual parts. It would be random sentences. I also think the book was way too long.

I received this ARC from NetGalley for my

[gaminette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!

The only other book I've read in this series is the first one John Dies at the End, so, I'm familiar enough with the concept and the characters (and the humor). I found JDATE to be disjointed, but apparently that's because it was originally a web series. I don't think I missed anything by skipping the others.

At first I was going to DNF about 20% in. It was chaotic and kinda gross: a giant poop with human arms sticking out of it drops out of nowhere, a shootout in an abandoned BestBuy that stores the police's x-file souvenirs, a dude that disappears and reappears horribly mutilated, like whaaaat? It was outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. Or so it seemed. I finished it a few days ago and I can't stop thinking about it.

TANGCITN starts with John, David and Amy working for Dr. Marconi as reality TV show creators/hosts. Their show is about phenomena around their town of Undisclosed, deliberately made shitty so that people will be all "look at this grainy footage! and this weirdo! how can you take any of it seriously?!" so that the general public will leave them alone. It doesn't really work, but it pays the bills.

The aforementioned poop appears, and we meet Justice Judy (a pseudonym to protect her identity). The poop draws out a tall, handsome Nordic Alexander Skaarsgaard-type named LeSabre, who is on the hunt for someone or something called The Penetrator. Amy disappears during the BestBuy firefight that turns into a conflagration. All that's left is a clear silicone hand thing and a tiny man-eating lizard with a red mohawk and rings around its eyes that Dave is convinced is Amy, and he'll do anything to find her and bring her home. Or restore her to her human form. Anyway.

To cut to the chase, a man named Lucius encountered one of the dark entities while walking in the forest. It passed through him and split him in three, each with his own dimension: Lucius the human of our world was terrified and ran away; the second Lucius embraced christianity and became The Administrator of a world ruled by a giant Orb that controlled everyone via that clear silicone-type hand thing at the back of the neck; the third Lucius became The Scourge and ruled over a world where humans were ruled by their most base desires and egos.

Needless to say, The Administrator and The Scourge do not get along. In fact, the so don't get along that they created yet another world (the Accelerated Universe aka the AU, where time passes super-fast) comprised of the ashes of the millions and millions of people who died in the eons-long war between them.

Both sides are hell-bent on conquering our world (liebestraum?), and it's up to our feckless heroes to stop them. Meanwhile, Justice Judy has some kind of bomb hidden in a butter warehouse that will turn the entire town into soybean fields. There's also giant crabs in the AU, and round fluffy pokemon thing named Snowball.

It's pretty nuts, but I really liked the how both bad guys and their respective people all just suuuucked. Do you want your morality to be regimented? Or your impulses enforced? Humanity in all its chaos and caprice and unpredictability ended up saving the day. I loved how it all came together. Overall, I endedup loving it. 4.5 stars from me.

[R.E. Holding · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd say this is more of a solid 3.5, but just that, not enough to round to 4.

I've followed this series since the beginning, and John was my favorite character. I feel like this entry doesn't really belong to the rest... the characters feel different, and they all sounded the same, even the side characters. I feel like the author has a lot of philosophical thoughts on morality and society, and used the characters as mouthpieces for those thoughts. The original John and Dave had unique voices and attributes; in this book, they're practically the same, spouting the same philosophical cant.

I'm disappointed in Dave's character with the way he worships his girlfriend, Amy. This isn't how I remember him at all, and there was no indication in the narrative to let us know that she's an object worth looking up to with such conviction. Amy did practically nothing in this book other than get stuck in an alternate dimension for 9 weeks, having long, philosophical discussions with an alternate version of herself. There was an entire arc dedicated to Dave trying to find her, caring for an alien lizard thing that he thought was her. That plot thread really went nowhere other than to illustrate that he would allow Amy to devour him if she needed it, which increased Dave's cuck factor.

There was a lot of repetition in this book, with characters retelling other characters in different places the same revelation that was discovered in the previous chapters. I believe a lot of this ate up page count.

I didn't care much for Joy. At first she was just loud and crude, then she became immature and irritating. There was nothing for her to do in this story at all, other than be an oddity with no explanation who says dick a lot.

Spoilers ahead:
Delivering the winning blow against the other side by an unknown character was a huge misstep in my opinion. I read this series for John and Dave, not some rando Bridgette and her constantly sexualized body. The whole endgame was concocted by this random character and her buddy as the entire rest of the team, including alternate Amy and Marconi (of all characters) were distracted with an insanely annoying alien called Snowball at an illogically named strip club (because of course it was something sexual), then butter warehouse. While the characters I came into the book to read about were doddering around doing nothing of any consequence, this Bridgette person was saving the day with a cleverly concocted plan with the bean bomb while making everyone around her horny. How did she know about the bean bomb? There's no telling. How would she know how to find it? No idea. She's just THAT good.

While I'm not fond of the changes made to the characters, there are some good philosophical allegories in here. I just think they'd be better suited to a nonfiction book or an essay, rather than the 5th book in a series. There are some interesting plot points here, but the usual protagonists have been replaced by alternate versions of themselv...

Wait,

Well played.

[Kristi Lamont · Rating 4 out of 5]

BOOK REPORT
Received a complimentary copy of There Are No Giant Crabs In This Novel: A Novel Of Giant Crabs, by Jason Pargin, from St. Martin’s Press Morrow/NetGalley, for which I am appreciative, in exchange for a fair and honest review. Scroll past the BOOK REPORT section for a cut-and-paste of the DESCRIPTION of it from them if you want to read my thoughts on the book in the context of that summary.

⭐ 4 ⭐

What a bunch of janky, wildly inappropriate, literally laugh-out-loud funny, smart, and almost-but-not-quite convoluted-y stuff of the multiverses this was.

I loved it (except for some of the grotesqueries of war described—just not my particular cup of ick). Made me want to go back and watch all of the Matt Smith episodes of Doctor Who for the first time all over again.

Definitely not for everyone.

PS
Full Disclosure: I am way, way late to this series. SUPER-late. So late that I knew that if I didn’t read this book ASAP I might never get around to reading John Dies at the End (no, I haven’t seen the movie) and the rest.

They’re moving way up my list now, though!

DESCRIPTION
New York Times bestselling author Jason Pargin's nightmarishly hilarious John Dies at the End series is back to entertain all who dare enter.

A massive, sticky pile of severed human limbs suddenly appears in the parking lot of a vacant department store in a desolate small town. A set of footprints is found trailing away in the snow, as if a single pair of bare feet had wandered off the pile. If this wasn’t puzzling enough, the cops soon find that no one seems to be missing the limbs. Some of the fingerprints on the severed arms belong to living people with all their appendages intact, others match no one on file, and the rest of the limbs somehow have no prints at all.

This sounds like a case for local weirdos John, David, and Amy, partly because the cops don’t want the headache and partly because David’s own arm is in the pile, despite an identical copy of it still being attached to his body. When a mysterious man then shows up at David’s home claiming to be in pursuit of an entity he calls “the Penetrator,” it seems clear the trio is in for a long weekend.

In addition to stopping whatever this nonsense is, the gang will also have to quell the panicked headlines that threaten to ensue, which could prompt the feds to try to just wipe the whole town off the map (again). As such, the first thing you need to know is that, contrary to whatever ugly rumors you may have heard, there are no giant crabs in this novel.

[Kay Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was going to wait to write a review until I had done a second read-through, because I devoured this in one go and this series is always so thought-provoking that I find new things to consider with every re-read. However, I feel like I need to wave my superfan flag around a bit, so here goes.

Full disclaimer: I absolutely love this series, so I knew going in that this book would bring me joy, and it did. John, Dave, Amy, and Joy are a balm for my psyche when I'm struggling with the absurdism and nihilism of modern humanity. Cosmic horror is my jam, especially when it's funny and bleak and introspective. This series continues to deliver. I'm a bookseller, so I requested a physical ARC, which I pretty much never do, but I wanted to be able to have a shelftalker ready to deploy on the release date. Whenever a customer asks me for something smart but dark, the JDATE series is one of my go-tos. (Shout-out to my all-time favorite customer, a guy who asked for something that would give him an existential crisis).

Anyway, this installment is weird, clever, and gory as hell (which is exactly what you'd expect if you've read the previous books). It also has a lot of heart; these reluctant weirdos always leave me filled with determination to do what's right even in the face of overwhelming odds and terrible loss. My favorite part of this particular book has got to be Joy, because she does whatever she sees fit and adds a clear-eyed, novel outsider's perspective to the original trio.

Is this book (or this series) for everyone? No, and there's nothing wrong with that! If you don't enjoy creepy, gory, bizarre scenes, you might not love it. Swearing, mentions of drug use, sexual references, etc. aren't everyone's jam, so like the rest of the series, I'll only be recommending this book in a professional capacity to people who seem to be looking for something like this. First I'll warn them what they're getting into, and then I'll heap wild-armed, enthusiastic praise on all of Jason's writing and JDATE in particular.

I love a book that makes you think and is also one hell of a fun ride. There Are No Giant Crabs in this Novel is a worthy and satisfying continuation for this series, and these characters have once again solidified their place of honor in my heart and on my shelf.

[Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel is a science-fiction action novel about Dave, John, Amy, and Joy, a group of internet content providers who suddenly find themselves involved in an other-dimensional war. The undisclosed town in which they live has become a focal point for weird, unexplained phenomena, which has put them on the radar of both parties in this combat, along with the United States government. Their attempt to determine which side (if either) to aid, how best to do so, and how to keep their town safe forms the narrative.

Prior to starting this book, I didn't realize that it was part of a series. I had not read any of the prior books, though the early books are on my "to read" list. So my perspective is that of someone only marginally aware of the series.

It took me a short bit to get into the alternating narrators, and the tone of the narrative was a little off-putting at first, but as I got into the book, it was a lot of fun, and the narrative drew me in. I'm now curious to see how many of these characters appear in the earlier novels, and when/how they're introduced. There are a number of weighty philosophical debates explored in the course of the action, though it's not done in a heavy-handed way.

Though the blurb compared it to Douglas Adams, it wasn't anywhere near as zany or lighthearted or, frankly, funny; there was a lot of humor, and even some whimsy, but the overall tone was more restrained than vintage Adams. All in all, though, I'm looking forward to now going back and seeing where the characters came from, and will also look forward to where they go from here.

[Join the Penguin Resistance! · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Jason Pargin's most recent novel, I'M STARTING TO WORRY ABOUT THIS BLACK BOX OF DOOM, so I leaped to read his newest (who could resist such a title), which is quite literally full-on Cosmic Horror; and Dear Gentle Reader, do let me EMPHASIZE that both of these terms are 💯! This story is totally COSMIC, and it is totally HORRIFYING! In fact, I must classify this as both Extreme Horror and as Splatterpunk, even though I am certain it isn't marketed in those terms. The GORE level is, in my perception, maximal; and I don't mean just gun violence either. This is GRUESOME! Any number of Cautions here:
--BODY HORROR
--CHILDREN INJURY AND FATALITY
---ETERNAL SUFFERING
---PURE SADISM
--and more.
The story line itself is fascinating, as are the author's explorations of good, evil, Cosmic Indifference [think HPL's Elder Gods], Ethics, Moral Compass, Metaphysics, Quantum Physics, Parallel Universes....
Jason Pargin's writing style as always is humor-laden, quirky, in-your-face; "never a dull moment here," as P. T. Barnum might orate.
But, My God, the Gore level!! I honestly don't think either side in the Cosmic War deserves continuation! The humans on Earth in this strange community called "Undisclosed" are, some of them, not much an improvement.
Read at your own risk; but bring a cast-iron stomach to the feast.

[Emma H · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am conflicted. I don’t know how to feel about this entry in the series. Ever since finishing the fourth book, I have been itching to jump back into this world with its characters. There were just so many elements that I disliked in this book, but by the end, I still did not hate it. I actually had a good time for a large portion of the book (barring the gory sometimes unnecessary body horror scenes). I love the philosophical, science based ponderings that this book, and the others in the series, offer, but I feel like I only understood a fraction of what was trying to be said. There were a lot of elements at play, and it was a lot for my brain to keep up with.

I despised the side characters for most of this book. They were raging idiots most of the time, and then grow a braincell in the last 15% of the book because it was useful to the plot? They were insufferable the rest of the time. I also felt John, Dave, and Amy were a little off as characters, but Joy was still hilarious. I also loved Snowball. He was great.

I realize most of this review seems like a rant, but I really did enjoy the concepts and a large portion of the book. I just think some things could have been flushed out a little better.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC copy!

[Steve Edholm · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was 75% of the way through this book when I found out it was book 5 in a series thanks to a facebook post. Did that hurt my opinion of the book? Not one ounce. Did I buy book 1 the next day? Yes I did. It says something to the way Jason writes and the way that this novel was all set-up that you can drop into book 5 and still really enjoy it all.

I see the comparisons people make with Jason and Douglas Adams, who I always list as one of my favorite authors. I feel like this is Adams if he went horror sci-fi instead of comedy sci-fi.

Cosmic horror is always such a fun place to play in. While the plot can be complicated, the thing that makes this work is that the sceince doesn't get in the way of the story way. So many times we have science that doesn't add up or timelines that overlap each other that make things fall apart. It's easy to avoid some of that with the AU in the book, but I never questioned any of the logic or science that Jason puts forward.

To say the least I will be reading the other 4 books in this series and maybe starting soon. I can't wait for more adventures with John, Dave and Amy.

Thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the advanced copy!

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review of Uncorrected Digital Galley

When a pile of human limbs appears in a small town’s vacant department store parking lot, John and David are called. Where did the limbs come from? No one seems to know and the mystery deepens when it is discovered that one of David’s arms is in the mysterious pile.

But David is standing there with both of his arms intact and attached.

What is happening? And how will David and John find the answers they need?

=========

Fifth in the author’s John Dies at the End series, this book works well as a standalone for readers who have not yet read the earlier books in the series.

Laugh-out-loud hilarious, this tale of multiple dimensions is a bit chaotic and, at times, definitely nonsensical. It’s up to the gang to find the answers amid all the craziness.

Readers who have enjoyed the previous stories in the series are likely to enjoy this one, too. Readers new to the series are in for a delightful surprise.

Recommended.

I received a free copy of this eBook from St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley and am voluntarily leaving this review.
#ThereAreNoGiantCrabsinThisNovel #NetGalley

[Chrisgonzo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"She wanted answers, and was still at an age when she thought that real answers actually existed and could be found if you just knew where to look."

OK, so it's another JDATE novel, and if you've read the rest of the series, you already know you're gonna like this one; the only question is how much?

A lot, ok? Like, a huge amount. All the beats are here: world-threatening cosmic horror, mutliple viewpoints, Amy being the smartest person in the room, and a large dollop of absudist humor.

It also delves into some pretty dark/deep moral quandries, without ever feeling the need to beat you over the head with it. For a "funny" book, it can be starkly serious. But isn't that true of all the best humorists?

When all's said and done, however, at it's heart this is a novel that's a lot of fun to read, and fans will eat it up.

And if you've never read a JDATE book, you'll still eat it up, you'll just have an extra 4 books to go back and read afterwards.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

No matter what you read from the beginning of the book, let me state that unequivocally, there are no giant crabs in this novel. Well, by the end of the book there won’t be.

This was my first jaunt into the world where John Dies at the End. It is unpredictable. Not just in what happens next in the novel. It’s unpredictable in how any sentence can and will end. If you are new to this series or this style of writing, let me just warn you. It’s as if Madlibs smoked crack after going on a meth binge. Times a thousand point two.

You know how those commercials all end with all the side effects. Well, this should contain a warning. Some of you will be offended. Some will be grossed out. Some will be creeped out. Some of you will go buy tinfoil to make a hat. But in the process, you will laugh. And that is the point.

Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for providing an ARC for an unbiased review.

[Mon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the first book when it came out in paperback in 2009, so the characters John, Dave and Amy feel like an almost 20-year friendship at this point.

The world has moved on from early 2000s internet meme humour - and that's not necessarily a bad thing, as I do remember the first book being littered with words that definitely wouldn't fly today - but it was always comforting that John and Dave were just, well, two fucking idiots dealing with cosmic horrors beyond mortal comprehension.

This latest sequel felt like it was trying to become a step up, and the characters were really only there to interrupt the narrative with thought exercises about the moral quandries of this dimension versus that dimension. I'm here for the two idiots (affectionate) and Amy only.

Thank you to St Martin's Press and Netgalley for the ARC.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I laughed out loud so much that my partner was actually interested in what I was reading. I will probably use a certain reference (related to the 1980s) from this book to respond to anyone asking me to guess what something is. This contained a lot more philosophy about the meaning of life in a book not about giant crabs than I would have suspected. Despite my usual need to read books in order, I did not read the others of the series first due to time constraints. I am certain I missed some references but overall that did not affect my enjoyment of the book or ability to follow the “plot.” I mean the book has a plot, but does it really?

I recommend this book to people who are fans of Welcome to Night Vale, Jospeh Fink, David Wong, and Jason Pargin.

[Autumn Danner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC of this hilarious novel! I absolutely loved the off-beat dialogue and the unusual character and creatures. The book is worth the read for its humorous content alone because it definitely works to reset your stress level. It was also a good story with some moral and existential questions. Just when you think that absolutely anything is possible in this strange world, you see the rules that govern the different dimensions. Overall, I found the story to be fun and exciting, and I really got a kick out of the strange, out-of-this-world additions that spiced up this adventure! Our main characters are a lot of fun, and I look forward to reading more of their adventures!

[L & J Ross · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fans of John Dies at the End series will enjoy this book which continues the adventures of John, David, Amy and also Joy (who moved into John’s place and won’t leave). As usual, there are forces at work that place their town and possibly the entire planet at risk and They need to thwart this, even though Amy has a massive migraine headache. I enjoyed all the wackiness that ensued and look forward to book 6!
Thanks to the publishers and Netgalley for providing me with an eARC; all opinions are my own.

[Garrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

The original John Dies at the End is one of my favorite books. I can't expect an author in his 50s to outdo the absurd masterpiece he wrote in his 20s. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed this entry, but it didn't stand out as one of my favorite books I've ever read. I highly recommend this if you liked the other books in the series. It's got the same lovable characters in similar situations. Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the ARC!

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read each book in this series and this new one is just as good I thought plus revealed some more about previous characters. This could be read without reading other books but I would have felt a little lost without the previous books and history of main characters. This was a great novel and was a mix of humor, time travel and basic good vs. evil. I had a hard time putting it down. Thanks to Netgalley and Jason Pargrin and St.Martins Press for letting me read the ARC of this book. I had been waiting impatiently for it to come out.

[Travis Butler · Rating 4 out of 5]

There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel
By Jason Pargin
Pub Date: Nov 03 2026

This is book five of John Dies at the End. These books are a weird, hilarious good time. Jason Pargin is an auto-read author for me.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the opportunity to read this book early in return for my honest review.

[Britney Ireland · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really well written and I highly enjoyed it. It was funny and serious wrapped up into a brilliant novel. I have previously never read anything by this author and now I’m looking forward to reading more by him. Thank you #NetGalley for the ARC of this book.

[John Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

love the book

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

John Dave and Amy (mostly John and Dave) get themselves into trouble again

[LIsa Noell "Rocking the chutzpah!" · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Pargin!

[David Blaylock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book in the series first. Time to go to the first and get caught up.

[Chuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

These books are so crazy, there is enough weird stuff in any given chapter to equal three or four books by other authors. Fun page turner and lots of twisty plot.

[CosmicGore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another fun addition to the 'John Dies at the End' series. It has all the weird, horrific and comedic elements that make me love these books.

As usual John's personality and shenanigans killed me. He manages to be so dumb, and chaotic but also smart and somehow on the ball, all at the same time. He is definitely my favorite, but the whole cast of chracters is great.

Overall I didn't find it as funny as some of the other entries, but it's still extremely entertaining and I highly recommend checking it out. 4.25⭐️