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When something is written from the heart, it resonates, and Toya's latest book is clearly written from a submissive heart that has found a home.
It should be required reading for dominants to further their understanding and for submissives to know that they are not alone.
It should be required reading for dominants to further their understanding and for submissives to know that they are not alone.
95 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2002
2 people want to read
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August 22, 2019
This slim book reads like a submissive's journal, which it is. The author, Toya, was given writing assignments by her Master, Anson, to develop her writing skills before she composed this record of their relationship in 16 short chapters. Each chapter is accompanied by a suggestive but non-erotic illustration.
The artless quality of Toya's style brings her relationship to life for the reader. Although in some ways, Anson and Toya resemble other heterosexual D/s couples, their lifestyle includes some unusual details: they live in New Zealand, in a house with a computer but no central heating, both are divorced with children, and Toya is large enough to need custom-made fetish wear. (She provides useful information about ordering it online.)
Despite her modest description of herself as a shy and far-from-perfect slave, Toya expresses extraordinary enthusiasm for floggers, canes, belts, and all other impact devices. Her Master wisely uses them to reward and not to punish her. She claims to enjoy waking up each morning because her Master always gives her 42 strokes of the cane before she goes to work. Both Anson and Toya have clearly progressed far beyond her novice phase, when she told him, "I don't do pain."
In the opening chapter, "In the Beginning," Toya describes meeting Anson in person for the first time after meeting him online and exchanging emails for two months. She warns other submissives to be careful when meeting Dominants this way. She credits her good luck and common sense for bringing her Mr. Right.
Toya stresses the importance of communication: "Sometimes I think we get too hung up on the fact that a D/s relationship is different, or more special, than a normal couple relationship. It's not! Both need a foundation, both need to have some common ground and both need good clear communication to work on a long-term basis."
She confesses that she has trouble expressing her feelings (both physical and emotional) and explains that writing this book has been her way of trying to give her Master more feedback and to assure others with similar feelings that they are not alone.
In the chapter called "Bondage and Beyond," Toya defines bondage as any device or technique which limits her movements and puts her into "sub-space" quickly. She describes Japanese rope bondage as an art form which looks as good as it feels. She also describes hypnosis and mind control as bondage, and explains her Master's taste for "transforming" Toya into his toy or robot. Corsets and waist-cinchers are included as bondage devices.
In "Is It a Gift?" Toya tackles the question of whether submission is a gift. She claims that this notion "just doesn't sit well" with her. She comments that a gift can be put aside, whereas submission "comes with a whole lot of expectations. Firstly it is expected that to submit to someone you will receive in return, his or her dominance. The power exchange between the couple is a two-way thing." Toya mentions her Master's suggestion that some people see their submission as a "gift" because they want it to be valued. Toya adds further that this might be a way for some submissives to deal with a fear of rejection.
In the final chapter, "Children in the House," Toya discusses the process of gradually moving in with Anson and having to be discreet in front of her three sons. She describes her Master's patience with the children and the ways in which everyone in the household has learned to accept each other. She suggests that old-fashioned standards of courtesy, as a modified form of D/s, contribute to a healthy upbringing.
Toya's writing hardly compares to that of the most accomplished BDSM essayists, poets and writers of leather fiction. However, her style is engaging and she covers a lot of ground in a few pages.
The artless quality of Toya's style brings her relationship to life for the reader. Although in some ways, Anson and Toya resemble other heterosexual D/s couples, their lifestyle includes some unusual details: they live in New Zealand, in a house with a computer but no central heating, both are divorced with children, and Toya is large enough to need custom-made fetish wear. (She provides useful information about ordering it online.)
Despite her modest description of herself as a shy and far-from-perfect slave, Toya expresses extraordinary enthusiasm for floggers, canes, belts, and all other impact devices. Her Master wisely uses them to reward and not to punish her. She claims to enjoy waking up each morning because her Master always gives her 42 strokes of the cane before she goes to work. Both Anson and Toya have clearly progressed far beyond her novice phase, when she told him, "I don't do pain."
In the opening chapter, "In the Beginning," Toya describes meeting Anson in person for the first time after meeting him online and exchanging emails for two months. She warns other submissives to be careful when meeting Dominants this way. She credits her good luck and common sense for bringing her Mr. Right.
Toya stresses the importance of communication: "Sometimes I think we get too hung up on the fact that a D/s relationship is different, or more special, than a normal couple relationship. It's not! Both need a foundation, both need to have some common ground and both need good clear communication to work on a long-term basis."
She confesses that she has trouble expressing her feelings (both physical and emotional) and explains that writing this book has been her way of trying to give her Master more feedback and to assure others with similar feelings that they are not alone.
In the chapter called "Bondage and Beyond," Toya defines bondage as any device or technique which limits her movements and puts her into "sub-space" quickly. She describes Japanese rope bondage as an art form which looks as good as it feels. She also describes hypnosis and mind control as bondage, and explains her Master's taste for "transforming" Toya into his toy or robot. Corsets and waist-cinchers are included as bondage devices.
In "Is It a Gift?" Toya tackles the question of whether submission is a gift. She claims that this notion "just doesn't sit well" with her. She comments that a gift can be put aside, whereas submission "comes with a whole lot of expectations. Firstly it is expected that to submit to someone you will receive in return, his or her dominance. The power exchange between the couple is a two-way thing." Toya mentions her Master's suggestion that some people see their submission as a "gift" because they want it to be valued. Toya adds further that this might be a way for some submissives to deal with a fear of rejection.
In the final chapter, "Children in the House," Toya discusses the process of gradually moving in with Anson and having to be discreet in front of her three sons. She describes her Master's patience with the children and the ways in which everyone in the household has learned to accept each other. She suggests that old-fashioned standards of courtesy, as a modified form of D/s, contribute to a healthy upbringing.
Toya's writing hardly compares to that of the most accomplished BDSM essayists, poets and writers of leather fiction. However, her style is engaging and she covers a lot of ground in a few pages.
Displaying 1 of 1 review