A Friend Like Henry

by Gardner

Book by Nuala Gardner

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Animals, Memoir, Biography, Dogs, Book Club

342 pages, Paperback

First published July 26, 2007

Reviews

[Readyourselfhealthy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of a boy with severe autism and how getting a family dog helped him to 'recover.' It is an emotional rollercoaster of a story and one that is exhausting to witness. The early years with their son were much more than most parents could endure. What I really like about this book is the fact that it shows what can be done with patience and an unwillingness to give up. This boy had severe autism right from birth and no one could predict what he could one day accomplish. Getting a family dog was not a miracle cure, but one that helped bridge the gap between the son and his parents. They used the dog to communicate with their son, eventually reaching him. I have used a similar approach with my son's Sesame Street characters when I cannot get his attention and it almost always works. These parents are one of the most patient that I have encountered, and it is only by their sheer will and patience that their son does as well as he does. It also gives hope for all with such a severe case of autism.

[Faith Chin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book was A-MA-ZING!!!! I never knew a non fiction book could be so interesting!!! Never judge a book by its cover!!! This book is about, well, the author herself, Nuala Gardner, her autistic son Dale, and a dog that changed their lives. Yes, a dog. The character I'm going to do today is none other than Dale. The first thing you must know about Dale is that he's autistic. Autism is not a sickness but a condition. It's something you're born with. Dale does have autism, but it was so severe, Nuala couldn't do anything to help her son and break into his autistic world. She almost wanted to commit suicide once because she can't take any more of Dale's autism. When Dale had autism, he was just a young toddler and that is when his autism was so great. He'd scream when angry. He'd go crazy. He acts so stubborn and rude. Autism has taken over his body. But as he grew up, things changed a little. He got a new dog. Yes. He named his golden retriever dog Henry after one of the trains in Thomas the Tank Engine show. Henry was a train he really loved. He loved trains. With Henry, he could do anything. Communicate, make eye contact, learn to go potty, eat proper food, take a bath and even say the words "I love you". It is very hard for people who has autism to show feelings, especially love. When Nuala heard those words, oh, they were music to her ears and the words she'd finally wanted to hear. When he grew up, of course he acts like a normal teenager. Hanging out with friends, chatting and so on. He became the person Nuala wanted him to be. But Henry has come to an end. Henry has done an awful lot for Dale that made Dale change his life and the person Dale is now. Henry has finally broke into his autistic world and change Dale. When Nuala gave birth to Dale's little sister, Amy, she too, has autism. Dale spend his time helping Nuala with Amy. Henry, he became an old dog. He did an awful lot to help this family and they bid him farewell when he died of a terrible sickness. Dale, can never forget his life with Henry. Holding back tears is hard but I did anyway. People, read this. Just do it. Friends are important to have, but a friend like Henry can really make someone happy. Can a dog this special really change someone's life? The Gardners never knew what hit them, when they found a friend like Henry.

[Lydia LaPutka · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very enjoyable. I highly recommend it to teachers, dog lovers, and anyone affected by autism. It takes you through many emotions--depression, elation, frustration, heartbreak, joy, anxiety, etc., etc. I think I gasped aloud on several occasions! Any book that elicits that much physical, stark emotion in me is right up my alley.

Having had several mildly autistic students in my years as a teacher, I can't imagine parenting one with classic autism. This author poured her heart and soul into telling her family's story. Even now, I can't fully imagine how hard it must be. It's overwhelming and exhausting just thinking about it. I loved that the author accepted a different normal and fought tooth and nail for her children.

For me, I would have liked to learn more about Nuala's husband, Jamie. I realize this was her account of their life, but I know Jamie did more than the story explains. Men handle crises so much differently than women, so it would have been fascinating to hear more from his perspective. I loved the end where we got Dale's perspective about his upbringing and challenges. How insightful and profound!

[Jackie Lane · Rating 4 out of 5]

OMG, I bawled my eyes out at the end of this book. I could barely make it through it.

This is the story of a boy with autism and how through communication through a puppy/dog, he can enter mainstream society.

[Sheree · Rating 5 out of 5]

A harrowing & inspirational true story of the Gardner family written from the mother's perspective in honest, blunt language.
This is not a flowery, descriptive telling, it is a matter-of-fact recount of day to day life with a severely autistic child. Nuala & Jamie's fight to have Dale's autism recognised & officially diagnosed, the anger & sadness, the depths of despair reached, the exhaustion & the small triumphs that kept them going. The all-consuming struggle to break into Dale's world in order to give their child a chance at a normal life.
I found Nuala's struggle to get Dale diagnosed heartbreaking. She is a community nurse and qualified midwife and many of the scenes she described with the medical profession were unfortunately all to familiar to me when seeking help for my own son.

* Doctors acting as if the parents were seeking attention rather than help for their son
* honest, passionate accounts of home difficulties were classed as negative responses
* factual accounts amounted to Nuala being rather cold and detached
* professionals stating that conflict between parents and child causing Dale's behavioural difficulties.

It's very distressing when a life that is already such an arduous climb becomes an insurmountable mountain courtesy of so called professionals. On a positive note, there is no substitute for a parent's determination when it comes to protecting the rights and well being of their child. When Dale was finally diagnosed & Nuala & Jamie found the best assistance for him, the years of support & encouragement provided were immeasurable. Of course the momentous breakthrough that unlocked Dale's world came through the friendship & love of a labrador named Henry. Henry helped introduce Dale to many of the normal activities & communications most parents take for granted. The special bond between Dale & Henry was heartfelt and humbling.

There was a scene described by Nuala early in the book where she was helping her son cross a busy street. Dale dropped Mickey and half- way across the road a massive head-banging, screaming, kicking episode ensued. It was Nuala's description of onlookers reactions that I found apalling and very close to home. I hope that the honesty of people like Nuala, opening her heart and her life, improves public awareness of these 'unseen handicaps'. Maybe the judgemental & ignorant responses such as "that kid needs a damn good smacking" & "Disgusting behaviour" will be less forthcoming.

In this book Nuala pays tribute to Henry, Dale's grandparents, friends & professionals & their incredible efforts to help Dale in his journey. The ultimate reward watching Dale grow to be the compassionate, well-adjusted young man he is today.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

The heartfelt story of a couple with an autistic son. Their struggles were mighty. The establishment in both medical and scholarship worlds had a hard time recognizing the progress the couple made with their son. The dog was a break through for beginning meaningful conversations and relationships with his parents. The last chapter is written by the son. He contributes his version of some of the events. Very interesting book.

[Natalia Farnham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good emotional quick read.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was nonfiction about a family who watches their young son pulling away into autism. I liked how this wasn't all about the parents and their trials in learning to deal with the effects that autism had on their life. While it did cover that, it was mostly about their son, Dale. And later they had a daughter, and she too was diagnosed with autism. I loved the parental voice in this. They were not perfect. They didn't try to dismiss their mistakes or make all their successes about how wonderful they were. This felt completely honest and authentic. When their son was young, they brought home a dog and they soon realized how this dog was able to reach Dale in ways they couldn't. It was a touching story about how this dog named Henry, made all the difference in the world. I really enjoyed this.

[Jess Dellabarca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book very quickly. It’s an easy read and is interesting.

I think..... there needs to be some critical analysis re- how obviously wealthy the family are and the impact that this had on the opportunities that the children were able to have. Many comments about “did not matter how much it cost” but no engagement with how this was a very privileged place to be in.

Also some anti-vax sentiment?? Also - really negative portrayal of autism and how it was the family’s secret that they needed to hide. And... little empathy of how the situation was impacting other family members.

Wow I originally gave this book 3 stars but writing this I’ve realised it’s probably a two (maybe and a half). I did absolutely love the dog Henry though it was very very wholesome and I did also cry.

I probably wouldn’t recommend to a friend.

[K Maier · Rating 2 out of 5]

Have a hard time understanding anything over 3 stars. I admire the extraordinary lengths she's gone though for her kids and subsequent tremendous impacts. However, it's obvious in her writing that she is not an author or literary graduate. This book isn't about Henry. Or Dale. It's about Nuala. It's about Nuala and Dale, Nuala and her fertility, Nuala and Amy, and Nuala. The ending was an expected tear-jerker, but I had the greatest affinity for her mother who I'm sure was as lovely and special as described. Henry hangs in the shadows. It was a struggle to finish and I'm relieved to be done.

[Richard_C1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible. Deeply emotional. A story of desperation. A story of perseverance. And a story of hope. With A Friend Like Henry, Nuala Gardner shares her experience of how a dog transformed her son, Dale, from a severely autistic boy into a mature student. It describes each and every one of her significant experiences with detail and forms a collection of memories that captures Dale's journey to defeating autism. Overall, A Friend Like Henry is an exceedingly powerful piece that gives the reader a touching snapshot of how of a dog formed a firm bond with and reversed the course of life of an autistic boy.

[Morgan]

As far as books about kids with autism go, this one was dry. I would've liked to see more time devoted to the trials of interventions that led to Dale's success. Also, not enough credit given to professionals that probably did help along the way. As far as Dale being "severely austistic?" Not so much. A cool kid with autism? Yes. An interesting little girl with autism? Yes. Anyways, I cried by the end so it was decent.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a remarkable true story. I learnt so much about autism from a mother's perspective and how she managed to unlock the people within her children. It is told with honesty and emotion, an important read for any professional dealing with autism.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful book about a dog that changes the lives of two children with Autism. Yes, it was a heartwarming story about a Golden Retriever, but it was so much more than that. I found myself riveted by the Gardners' story and how as a family they learned about raising children with Autism.

[Amanda B · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 / 5

[Andrew Foley · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a brilliant book from start to finish I can't recommend this book highly enough. This book just comes to show that autism doesn't have to hold people back. I have also seen the movie After Thomas and it's brilliant too but i do prefer the book . I would recommend both the book and movie to anybody who doesn't know about autism and they would like to know more about the disorder or to anybody that has a family member affected by this condition . It's definitely worth while reading there's a follow up to this story it's called All Because Of Henry I haven't it yet but it would definitely be on my to read list. Autism may be a lifelong thing and there may be no cure for it but like I say up above it doesn't have to hold people back so long as it's treated quickly enough there are people with ASD out there that go to college , have a girlfriend and kids , get a job so if you ask me autism is a a name of condition/disorder that people happen to be born with . People in general find it hard to socialize which may be due to anxiety or stress people with autism are no different and people say those with autism are in their own world but we all are at times. But back to story the boy had his struggles and meltdowns but he overcame it all when Henry came into his life and he reached his full potential . So being diagnosed with autism isn't the end of the world it would be worse if they had AIDS or something. There's no point in being in denial about it because it won't go away and life is too short to have that kind of attitude especially for the person with the disorder soon as it's diagnosed get the child the treatment that is needed it's the only way they'll get help. My advice is don't be in denial about it take it all in and start doing something about it. bit by bit Dale slowly but surely reached his full potential and it was all because of Henry.

[Cactus · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was given ‘a friend like henry’ to read I was not prepared for the emotional journey that it evoked. It is much more than a story about Dale’s autism; it’s a story about Henry, the dog. A golden retriever who affectionately and unknowingly unlocks the puzzle of communicating in Dale’s world.

Henry becomes the key to a very troubled young boy and, with the aid of Dale’s determined, loving and committed parents, Nuala and Jamie, there is a breakthrough which was thought never possible. In the form of a furry pet, this true story, set in Scotland and written by Nuala, the mother herself, with additional comments by Dale at the end, we venture into a world of anger, frustration, stress, confusion, violence etc but also one of endearing love, affection, elation, happiness, pride and eventually, an understanding that was deemed near impossible at the start.

It will break your heart but will also fill it with awe, adoration and respect…. especially toward the parents and family, friends, teachers, autistic ‘guides’ (psychologists etc) who successfully assisted in Dale’s breakthrough whether it be with his communication, behaviour, education or social, physical, emotional and mental challenges in life.

But with Henry, a whole new way of communicating began and a bond developed which gradually sets the tone of Nuala’s story as she reminisces about both painful and heart-warming memories, events and moments.

In contrast to Nuala’s experience in Scotland, in the 1990’s/early 2000’s, Autism in 2021, especially in Australia, is on the menu in schools and talked about quite openly in the public and media arena. Everyone knows someone in their friendship group or family or school who is ‘..on the spectrum..’

It is diagnosed quite rapidly (my niece was at 3), thank-goodness! As a prior high-school teacher, I too,have experienced the frustration of children being trapped in an autistic world. In earlier decades, many students were not diagnosed (it was not a well-known term or even understood by teachers unless they were trained specifically) due to the nature of the ‘system’. In fact, it was the ‘system’ which failed them. Mental illness was often a diagnosis. A girl I once knew eventually took her own life in utter despair. Tragic.

These different children were always termed as ‘weird’ or ‘odd’ (eg: rocking to and fro; sitting away from others, walking around the perimeter of the fence at lunch, having an obsession such as spiders, as did a boy in my class who had a myriad of spider jars in his bag! etc).

They were left to fend for themselves in their own world but more tragically, being labelled or bullied, they were misunderstood, or not acknowledged even. Forgotten.

‘Unusual children’ were moved about by parents in desperation; taken from school to school, class to class, to see where they, in fact, might ‘fit’ in!

Perhaps there was another environment, another mentor, friend etc that might help…it was a cyclic pattern and in some ways, Nuala and Jamie experienced this too. But not just in education.

Also in the medical and allied health as when a ‘Mary Smith’ (was it her real name? I doubt it) visited them to assess Dale’s needs etc.... you wanted to shake that bloody woman!!

The Gardner’s story is one which begins this way and you feel everything that they experience but as time moves, their persistence does too, for assistance and support. They fight for their boy and things change, slowly but then quite fast after Dale leaves St Anthony’s special school.

I’ve seen this happen many times; children outgrow the special environment; it can in many ways hinder their future success and Nuala knew this! Good on you mum! My sister has done this too over the past year... her ‘spectrum’ child, at 12, started mainstream schooling and despite setbacks etc is succeeding as an independent student who, like Dale, is wanting to be like the others... riding a bike to school being the latest conquest! Changing the learning and social environment can be a turning point.

For Dale too, change (houses/schools) and successful interactions, positive people and of course, stable Henry, were the winning combination required!

When another child, Amy, is born then diagnosed near the age of three, but not nearly as severe as Dale, you do want to hug Nuala and like her, wonder, why? I think that the effort that they went through to conceive Amy, over the years, was courageous and eventually, the timing was right as Dale was older and had a better understanding of life around him and of his life in particular.

If Amy was born when he was thrashing his head and kicking the dog, it would have added a heightened sense of fear as to what he may do to his baby sister. My own son, at three, pushed his baby sister out of the pram and kicked ‘it’ such was his jealousy. We had to put locks on doors to protect her for some time. Dale took to his sister well in contrast!

Despite this being a different style of read, it is well-written, edited and personally graphic for the author. A brave woman indeed! A wonderful husband and fabulous children; she would be very proud! And what a dog they had. Henry was a winning character in this story, always by Dale’s side.

Nuala and Jamie made the best decision all round. Beautiful and blessed was Henry to his family; very sad when he passed away but thankfully, the timing was right, as Dale was older (17) and even with a new pup in wee Henry, he was able to say goodbye, thank him like his mum did for all that Henry gave to them, and accept the inevitable.

Nuala was warmed by Dale’s response as she was by her daughter’s when her grandda died. I enjoyed hearing about the visits to Merino Nursing Home as they were a great treat for residents and for Amy with her horse obsession. Nuala gave her children plenty of opportunity for human interaction.

Her determination alone is awe-inspiring and hopefully, nearly 15 years after she wrote this book, she can look back fondly at what she achieved. With Henry’s picture by Dale hanging in her house!

I hope the family are all doing well today. Great example of parental involvement and pushing the limits of what can be achieved with autism. Every parent should take a leaf out of this family’s story: one of great sacrifice, love, courage and dedication.

Going that extra mile is so worthwhile. With autism there are a lot of extra miles and none as much as in the final pages and days of Henry’s life as they drove back and forth to the vet and hospital. A beautiful book.

[Vicki Andrada · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! It is about a little boy who has severe autism, and he is locked pretty much in his own world. He doesn't talk much, he has a really hard time with communication and things that can come with autistic children. But when they get a golden retriever named Henry, he will help to unlock this little boys world.

I know how amazing dogs are, as a person that has always loved dogs, and as visually impaired person, I've had three guide dogs. But I thought it was amazing to hear the story of how a dog could reach a little boy in his own world, and help him to become quite the young man. I don't want to give too much away, but it is an amazing journey they go on, and an amazing story! Also, as a disabled person I have some understanding of how it is to be different than other children and this is some thing that Dale would face growing up. And, the love of his parents was amazing! I love how they were with their children! So I definitely recommend this book!!!

[عائشة العرفي · Rating 5 out of 5]

تتحدّثُ هذه المُذكّرات عن الطّفل (ديل Dale) المُصاب بالتّوحد، منذ ولادتِه عام 1988 إلى أن أصبح شابًّا في السّابعة عشرة من عمره، وعمّا عاناهُ وعانته أسرته نتيجةً لهذا المرض أو الاضطراب.

تصفُ لنا (نوالا Nuala) الممرّضة الاسكتلندية كفاحها هي وزوجها للتعامل مع طفلهما الأول، وتُحدّثنا عن كلّ ما مرّت به من صعوبات وعراقيل فقط للحصول على تشخيص لحالة ديل، ليتمكّنا من الحصول على المساعدة اللّازمة، وكيف تحولت حياتهما إلى جحيم أدّى بها إلى محاولة الانتحار. ثم نقرأ عن دور العائلة والأصدقاء في مساعدة ديل، إلى لحظة دخول الكلب (هنري Henry) إلى حياة الأسرة، والتأثير الكبير الّذي أحدثهُ فيها.

نعيش مع نوالا عذاباتها اليوميّة، منذ الصّباح الباكر إلى ما تسميّه "معارك وقت النّوم" إضافةً إلى كيفية تعامل المجتمع مع نوبات ديل العصبية عندما تحدث في الأماكن العامة، ونظرات الإزدراء له ولوالدته، وكما تقول نوالا فالتوحد هو الإعاقة غير المرئية Autism is the unseen handicap" ممّا يحرمها حتّى من تعاطف الآخرين، وتفهّمهم.

تأثرت جدًا بصبر نوالا وزوجها جيمي في التعامل مع ديل، وما قدّماه من تضحياتٍ لأجله، وما فعلاه لمساعدته للتعايش مع المجتمع وممارسة حياة طبيعية قدر الإمكان.

كنت - قبل قراءة هذا الكتاب - لا أكاد أعرف شيئًا عن مرض التوحد، ولم أكن أتصوّر مدى صُعوبتِه وتأثيره على حياة المصابين وأسرهم، ولم أستطع منع نفسي من التفكير في الأطفال المُصابين في مجتمعنا والّذين هم في الغالب ليسوا محظوظين بالفرص التي حظي بها ديل وربّما ليسوا محظوظين بوالدين مثل والدي ديل أيضًا.

لهذا الكتاب دور توعوي كبير جدًا حول اضطراب التوحد وكيفية التعامل معه، وقد قرأتُهُ باللغة الإنجليزية وأرجو أن نرى ترجمة عربية بمستوىً عالٍ في القريب العاجل.

[Rachel Usher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the truly heartwarming story of autistic boy Dale and his canine friend, golden retriever Henry, who was the one who was able to transform dale from a withdrawn, isolated young boy to the incredible young man we see by the end of the book.

This story is full of emotion: absolute heartbreak, happiness, humour, and everything in between. However, what struck me most as I read, was how the power of prayer is demonstrated in so many ways throughout. Without giving too much away, this book has convinced me that God really does hear our prayers, and he will answer us ... in his own time and however he sees fit. Clearly he guided Dale, with the help of his best friend Henry of course. A really heartwarming read.

[Ruby Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

"A Friend Like Henry" is about a young boy called Dale who suffers from autism. It was clear to his parents early on in his life that he was different to other children his own age. As he grew he quickly became trapped in his world of autism. It was impossible for anyone to get through to him, but that was all about to change. The family introduced a wee dog named Henry into their home and it was clear after only a few hours of the pair being together that this pup was going to be the key to unlocking Dale's world.

This is one of the most heartwarming and emotional books I have ever read. It is written by Dale's mother which allows the reader to gain a better understanding of what it is like to have a child with autism. I laughed and cried throughout the entirety of the novel and whole heartedly fell in love with Dale and his gorgeous dog.

I would reccomened this to anyone who loves dogs and doesn't mind having a bit of a cry! If I could give this an 11 out of 10 I would.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Semi interesing story about an autistic British boy and how his family used a golden retriever to help the child. Loved hearing about how the dog helped out, it was interesting what the family did and the kid turned out pretty well.

[Issy · Rating 4 out of 5]

i actually really enjoyed this book. I didnt think I would as its not a genre of biography that I usually read but it really made me respect parents who have children on the spectrum. The writing was also good, easy to understand and straight to the point, no dragging it out

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful story of an Autistic boy and his dog. This was written in 2007 and the struggles of the family to get any help was horrendous for them as they had to rely on family and friends for so much help and support. A real eye opener of a read.

[Caroline David · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and it really opened my eyes to a lot of issues children with autism face that could be fixed with a dog companionship. I fell in love with Henry and Dale's relationship.

[Cicely · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went through all the emotions reading this book but I could not put it down. It was beautiful to learn about Dale’s journey and how Henry changed his life. I recommend this so much.

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

An unexpected loan from a friend, this novel is truly a touching read and I recommend it to all! A Friend Like Henry is about a family's struggle in coping with their son's autism and how a Golden Retriever named Henry changed their lives in ways they couldn't even imagined.

I have no experience dealing with autism, neither do I know anyone with autism, but I do know what some of the signs of it are, and reading this novel, I definitely have developed a greater sense of respect for each and every family who has to go through what they do everyday. In this book, Nuala Gardner writes of her joy when she becomes pregnant with her first child and later, of her despair and frustration when her son displays signs of autism.

This book is definitely emotional because readers will feel invested in the family's situation. When Nuala was frustrated at the fact that the system wouldn't accept Dale's condition and pretty much placed the blame wholly on Nuala and James (her husband), I felt frustrated too. I cannot imagine what they must have felt like when they were told that they wanted their son to be autistic because they couldn't deal with his slow developmental progress. It would later take them years and the help of friends and family before Dale could get the help and proper diagnosis he required.

But in spite of all these adversities, hope came in the form of Henry. I truly believe that Henry was some sort of a guardian angel for Dale. The leaps and bounds Dale made because of Henry was just amazing and to prevent myself from giving anything away, there's all I'm saying. But really, please go read the book. It will give you a renewed hope and who knows, maybe even convince you to get a pet.

[Kirsti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book about animals and autism that I've read, and the help, healing and love animals can bring a family after the devastating news sinks in is obvious. Both were beautiful stories,and this one was particularly well written. Autism is something I don't know much about, and suppose that would be the same with anyone who doesn't know someone suffering from it. I liked that the author went into depth with each problem and how it was managed or overcome, and the feeling of love you get throughout this book is amazing. It was journey well worth taking, and I highly recommend this book to both animal lovers and those who want to learn more about Autism and the effects on both the children and the families.

[Kalyn Botz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nuala Gardner opens up her family to us and shares the joys and sorrows of raising children with Autism. I applaud her style of not seeking to blame a reason for her children's disability but to use their abilities to expand their worlds. As a special education teacher it can be challenging to work with families that don't carry on the education at home. Nuala Gardner shares her struggles with getting the proper education for her children and unfortunately this can still be a struggle today.
This is a must read!

[chucklesthescot · Rating 2 out of 5]

When Dale was born his mother noticed that he had trouble communicating and had behavioural problems.She suspected that her son was autistic but health professionals seemed happier to blame the parents for the way Dale behaved.This is her struggle to be heard and to find a way into Dale's lonely world.
Very heavy going and I couldn't keep reading about every tantrum the boy had.I was getting mentally tired with the story!