All Is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays

by Niro Feliciano

Stop forcing holiday cheer and start embracing the season in a way that truly resonates with you. Discover simple, daily strategies for cultivating peace, balance, and genuine joy as you navigate the holidays with grace.

Merry and bright? Yeah, right. During the holidays, many of us are anything but cheerful. Thanksgiving, Diwali, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and New Year's often make us frazzled and frantic. Stressed and stretched. Distressed and depressed.

From psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, author of This Book Won't Make You Happy and frequent TODAY show contributor, comes a book to help you move beyond holiday pressures and maintain perspective when it matters most. All Is Calmish dispenses a therapist's strategies for surviving the season. As a mother of four and sought-after expert on mental health, Feliciano sees our valiant attempts to be happy and create a magical holiday. Meanwhile we are actually exhausted and anxious from managing family drama, loneliness, grief, crazy schedules, and overwhelming debt. The truth is, the holidays can be the hardest time of the year. But with Feliciano's help, they don't have to be.

In thirty-one short chapters, Feliciano gives us daily prompts and rituals rooted in research, brain science, and the wisdom of spiritual traditions, to help us set boundaries, create meaningful connections, start new traditions, and manage the season with greater ease.

While the holidays may not be perfect, All Is Calmish reminds us that with intention and grace, we can still make them meaningful and memorable, finding our way to wholeness and well-being--and maybe even something that feels a bit like calm.

Genres: Christmas, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Growth

1 pages, Audio CD

Published November 18, 2025

About the author

LCSW

Reviews

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much needed for holiday calm!!!!

[Griffin Wold · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oof, this was a hot mess. I was hoping for something that would provide a little pick-me-up and be a motivation as we get into the darker months; something that would provide actual tips on staying calm and festive. Instead what I got was a super privileged woman complaining about how stressed she is because of things she can control like overspending or completely ignoring communication. This was coupled with a heavy-handed dose of Christian-ese and a little sprinkling of MLM self-holiness. The "tips" she provided were cliche things you could find on any old google search, like, develop a routine, say "I get to" not "I have to" (even when the thing is something you hate and is in fact something you have to do), to taper your expectations, and to be joyful through it all. Even the title of the tips she gave at the end was "Ten Ideas to Keep the Holidays Simple and Memorable"...worlds apart and a completely different book than the "how to feel less frantic and more festive during the holidays."

Thank you to the publisher for sending me a copy through LibraryThing's Early Reviewer's program. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Marianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

practical and warm advice delivered in a clear and warm manner. faith topics included but in a nonthreatening way.

I ... may be further along the path to holiday calm than the author tho? definitely than her target audience. I think I was hoping for something more radical.... but I do think this will help more people and maybe be more accessible than the book I was hoping for. cause one of the effects of reading it was to realize how truly I have stepped out of the push to Perform Holiday already. like, wow, I recognize these folks she is talking to but I am not actually one of them and haven't been for a long time.

(nb finished copy of this book was given to me by its publisher)

[Emily Short · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ Lots of really good reminders and ways to help the season feel less stressful. I may read/listen to this yearly before December to help me keep some perspective.

[Kelly S. Irizarry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book of reminders for this time of the year… Practical tips for making memories and moments, but not becoming stressed in the process

[Dorrie Mercurio · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book isn't for everyone, but I really appreciated it and definitely found myself emotional with literal tears more than once.

[StephanieD · Rating 3 out of 5]

“What if this year we didn’t get sucked into the vortex of overdoing and decorating, overspending and stressing?”

3 ⭐️

This seems aimed at parents and I thankfully didn’t relate to much of it.

However, there are tips for promoting calm that anyone can implement any time of year.

I like the concept of “stop ‘should-ing’ on yourself.”

[Susan Alley · Rating 5 out of 5]

must read for a wonderful holiday season

I loved the easy reading book, packed with personal stories, researched based facts, and helpful hints to restore some calm to the holiday season. I found the book very insightful.

[Angela R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so grateful this book exists! Right from the beginning, I responded to Feliciano's statement that, "...if we miss the message, we'll be taught the same lessons over and over again, until we get it...Those messages serve as life's GPS directions. We need them to get to the next stop on our journey." This concept absolutely resonates with me. Many of us, particularly around the holidays, fall back into the same patterns, some of which can become unhealthy. What I appreciate most about this book is that it provides practical advice, but also reminds us to give ourselves grace. We are human, and we have to be as kind to ourselves as we strive to be to others.

All is Calmish lends itself to being used in whatever way feels best for you; you can read it all over the course of a couple of days, or go chapter by chapter during the holiday season. Further, there are MANY tips present that don't apply just at holiday time. I am so comforted by this text, and I imagine myself going back to it for reminders throughout the year.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that this book is 31 short chapters. I read it all the way through because I borrowed it from the library and needed to return, but I would recommend doing as the author suggests and reading one chapter a day, either starting near Thanksgiving or on December 1st.
I enjoyed that each chapter ended with reflection questions to help you be more calm, and I really loved the 10 ideas for special holiday experiences at the end of the book.

[Cheyenne Burnam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was such a blessing in this time of my life! As a new mom, it has been the most exciting and also the most stressful year yet, so listening to this reminder to slow down and remember the real reason for this season is exactly what I needed. I admire Niro so much for her ability to write from a professional POV and also show how her faith has a hand in everything. This was a true 5 star read for anyone looking for a reminder to slow down and stay calm-ish!

[Get Your Tinsel in a Tangle · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve ever stood in a Target aisle holding three rolls of glitter wrapping paper and one existential crisis, All Is Calmish gets it. Niro Feliciano is not here to pretend the holidays are a Norman Rockwell painting. She’s here with a warm mug of reality, a therapist’s toolkit, and the emotional equivalent of a wine-sipping nod that says, “Same.”

This book is not a holiday how-to. It’s not gonna teach you how to fold your napkins into tiny Christmas swans or DIY your way into a Pinterest board. What it does do is pull you out of that mental spiral where one missed cookie exchange feels like a personal failure. Feliciano writes like your friend who has definitely cried in a CVS parking lot but still managed to find a little peace and peppermint mocha in the chaos. It’s part guide, part text chat with your emotionally intelligent bestie, and part workbook your therapist would gently suggest but with way better vibes.

She starts with full honesty: holidays with kids (or without, TBH) require supernatural powers. There’s a hilarious line about to-do lists resembling CVS receipts that genuinely made me wheeze. You know the ones. You could wrap a tree with them. From that moment on, you’re in good hands. She walks us through her own hot cocoa-induced meltdown, a night spent up until 4 a.m. wrapping presents and losing her damn mind, and the now-legendary internal scream that declared, “No more.” Iconic behavior.

Feliciano is a psychotherapist, sure, but she’s also a woman who has made the holiday hot chocolate bar her villain origin story. She’s not just diagnosing our collective stress spiral, she’s lived it. That blend of clinical insight and personal disaster-girl storytelling is the magic here. One minute she’s giving you grounded, research-backed advice on cognitive reframing, the next she’s dragging your inner perfectionist through the snow like it owes her money. (It does.)

The chapters are quick but potent, like holiday espresso shots of sanity. Each ends with “Baby, Stay Calm Inside” prompts, which sound like a Mariah Carey cover but are actually mini therapy sessions in disguise. They’re the kind of questions that seem cute until you’re suddenly having a feelings moment about your mom, your time management, and why you keep saying yes to Secret Santa when it makes you want to scream into a throw pillow.

There’s a soft spirituality threaded through the book, but it’s not preachy. It’s more like a hug for your overwhelmed soul. Whether your holidays include Jesus, eight nights of candles, or just a strong need to lie down in a dark room, this book meets you there. It’s inclusive, compassionate, and so deeply rooted in humanity that even the chaos feels sacred. Ish.

What I love most? She never promises peace will come gift-wrapped. Feliciano just helps you reframe the mess, set actual boundaries (wild concept), and breathe through the parts that aren’t joyful or triumphant. Sometimes presence is the miracle.

I'm giving it 4.5 stars, because it’s insightful without being smug, funny without being flippant, and most importantly, it made me feel like maybe I don’t have to be both Buddy the Elf and a functioning adult from November to January.

Merry Mayhem Prize: For Weaponizing the CVS Receipt as a Seasonal Metaphor

Huge thanks to Broadleaf Books and NetGalley for the ARC. This book might save me from holiday burnout and at least three passive-aggressive group texts.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although a lot of this felt basic or felt like it was geared towards privileged (I understand I am extremely privileged myself, but I couldn't even relate to many of the self-proclaimed "first-world problems" that the author was sharing) women with children, I appreciated a lot of these reminders. It's so easy to feel like we're not doing enough this time of year or to beat ourselves up when we just don't have the energy or desire to attend every holiday party or to buy lavish gifts for everyone we know. Especially in a social-media driven world, it's so easy to compare ourselves to others and to feel like our holidays aren't stacking up. The author does a really great job, often with humor and wit, at reminding us that none of us have it all together. I liked that as a therapist, she could share some common concerns that many of her clients raise with her every year around the holidays. Reading this helped me to remember that I'm not alone in my struggles this time of year. We all have our challenges, and it's very true that our mental and physical health can fall to the wayside during this time of year, especially when we're being spread too thinly. I appreciated the small suggestions of how to better care for ourselves and figure out how to focus on what truly matters during the exhaustion.

I have read so many books where authors shy away from the science because they want their book to be more approachable. I understand that, especially as I already feel like I know plenty about the power of reframing our thoughts from "I have to" to "I get to," the science behind meditation, movement, sleep, box breathing etc. to improve our mental health. But it almost felt like the author was apologizing for mentioning the research-backed interventions at times, even though she is a therapist and I'm sure she has far more depth to share! I honestly would have loved to dive a little deeper into some healing techniques of cold therapy, sour candies, and singing, but I do think these small therapeutic techniques can all add up to be very powerful. A basic mention of them could be great for those who are new to their own mental health journey.

I liked the bite-size chapters and the "Baby, Stay Calm Inside" prompts and suggestions at the end of each chapter. I also loved the discussion of how few people actually keep New Year's resolutions. The reframing of intentions vs. resolutions was good food for thought too. I feel more empowered at the idea of setting an intention for how I want to grow next year vs. shaming myself into a resolution to be better. Finally, I loved the idea (that she borrowed from good old James Clear) to be the most *interested* person in the room rather than the most interesting person in the room. Those who are interested are present, curious, empathic, and humble-- qualities that many of us want to embody.

Overall, a mostly light, sometimes entertaining, heart-warming reminder of doing our best to refocus on what truly matters this time of year--- connection, presence, and hope.

P.S. I liked the "GLAD" meditation idea and might even use it with kiddos at work or family/friends. Naming something you're grateful for, something you've learned recently, something you've accomplished, and something that delights you. :)

[Genene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up because it was written by a therapist and I spend a lot of time talking with one about things you'd think we'd get right as adults by now, like how to manage grief, expectation, boundaries, and responses to deescalate, elevate, and stay present. But there is no right way. Mostly, it's just how we unpackage appearances and expectation that give way to real gifts of joy and delight.

Family gatherings and holiday planning seem to heighten the appearance of perfection and ... hurt of not being seen or living up to standards not of our own.

Right now, I'm thinking about a conversation shared with me that a relative doesn't send us Christmas cards because she "doesn't get them from us." We don't send them! But she doesn't know that. How could she? Picking the right picture to tell the right story of our year and send it to people I don't talk with but a few times a year is just too much. And I see people attempt this all the time. You know the Christmas cards I'm talking about ... pictures of family vacations, no context or note, sent directly from Shutterfly. And I'm like why? The charade feels obligatory and exhausting. And it misses the mark of connecting. And that's what this book addresses.

Feliciano writes with realness, vulnerability, chosen confession, and a humanness that's refreshing. She gives permission to say out loud the holidays suck and that's OK. She also gives tips when moments feel contrived or tense. Cold therapy! Sour candy! Singing! Walking away! Silence! Letting things be as they are! Mere acceptance! None of that is easy but as it's the easiest way to begin so maybe we can enjoy the magic of the season on our own terms by connecting with people who matter most.

[LA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review: All is Calmish by Niro Feliciano

This book will make you feel like you just spent time with your best friend, therapist, and spiritual mentor all wrapped up in one. Niro makes you feel understood with her gift of relatability, makes you laugh at the chaos that once could have made you cry, and provides simple tools always backed by research to help you focus on and prioritize what truly matters to you during the holidays. She helps guide her readers to distinguish between the noise and the significance of personal values and relationships to define what peacefulness means to you amidst the hustle and bustle. The chapters are short quick reads (that literally can be read in a carpool line, while waiting at a doctor’s visit, or while cooking dinner) with practical tools to help cultivate your calm week by week as you approach the holidays. It is a must read for anyone looking to navigate this season with more grace and ease, redefining the essence of calm in our lives.

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

All Is Calmish is warm, funny, and real. Niro Feliciano writes like a friend (one who happens to be a psychotherapist) who truly understands how stressful the holidays can be, without ever making you feel guilty for not having it all together. Her suggestions are simple yet meaningful, offering small mindset shifts and practical ways to slow down. Her gentle reminders that “good enough” can still be beautiful really resonate. You come away understanding that it’s not about doing less, but about focusing on what actually matters. Through personal anecdotes and research-based insights, Feliciano helps readers find a sense of ease through the pressures of the season. A must-read as we head into the holidays!

[Carolyn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Goodreads giveaway winner.
This book could have been a blog post and reads like one. It smacks of privilege and as someone who considers myself greatly privileged, I cannot relate to the stories in this book: an 18 foot Christmas tree in the home and professional photographer every year for a Christmas card. It goes on and on. The author feels stressed at the holidays because of all of this excess. That’s it! If you, like me, live simply and intentionally you are already way beyond the trite tips in this book.

[Keri Douglas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I had this book when my kids were younger and the holidays were absolutely overwhelming and I was making magic (while slowly exhausting myself). There are still several hints, advice and tips that I'm using even now. Recommend for moms who get overwhelmed by the holidays.

[Dori Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5
Some good advice. Loved the part where she talks about singing to combat anxiety

[Erica Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun little read of reminders for the holiday season.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll be reading this again next year in November.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great ideas but book had many chapters and still felt like I had a lot on a to-do list of what to do to remain calm- so didn’t help feel less stressed!

[tapewitch · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a Christian self-help book, despite the description specifically mentioning Diwali, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. I wouldn't mind general discussion of spirituality, or even a general relationship to 'god,' but this book is using bible quotes and suggesting prompts about Jesus, etc. Aside from this intentionally misleading pitch (focusing on the author's psychology background and general wellness), the CBT-inspired suggestions are not very original or consistently themed to the holidays. The journal prompts are generic, such as "Is there anything in your life that just isn't worth stressing over"? Or the prompts are overtly Christian, such as "Is my hope and anticipation for the birth of Christ and God's presence in my life as awakened as as joyful as it was?" The dishonest book description deserves a 1, but the author seems like a compassionate woman of color, so I feel complicated rating the book.