Awaken, My Love: A Gay Gothic Vampire Romance

by Marat Earendel

He feels nothing. The vampire feels everything. The castle wants the rest.

Astaire Bloom, an unfeeling man devoid of hope, takes a job in a remote castle under a mysterious employer. As sinister events unfold around him, he begins to feel things he thought himself incapable of. And the castle is hungry for it.

To uncover the secrets buried within the ancient, decrepit walls, Astaire must endure more than he ever imagined.

Hurt, and bleed, and want, and fear.

Fear it all. Feel it all.

Awaken, My Love is a gay gothic vampire romance is a queer gothic vampire novel about ruin, longing, and the dangerous tenderness of monsters. Perfect for readers who crave atmospheric castles, morally complicated men, and prose you can chew on.

vampire × mortal, gothic castle with secrets, hurt/comfort, forced proximity, morally gray characters, obsessive desire, size difference, angst & yearning, erotic horror.

Content explicit sexual content, blood and violence, dark emotional themes.

Recommended for adults 18+.

Genres: Vampires, Fantasy, M M Romance, Queer, Paranormal, Horror, Romance

202 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 22, 2026

About the author

Marat Earendel is an Afro-Indigenous, queer artist and writer whose work lives between gothic horror, existential dread, and the absurdity of existence. With atmospheric prose, he explores torment, desire, and the strange tenderness of monsters.
His sophomore novel, A Most Abhorrent Vessel, was be published in September 2026.

Reviews

[Poppy || Monster Lover]

Astaire was such an interesting character because he didn’t connect with his emotions like a neurotypical person would, and not in the “white boy awkward doctor” way. In the “I feel nothing” way. His curiosity and lack of desire to follow rules put him in some dangerous situations with the master of the house, but also gave him the chance to bond with him. The “young master” was a study in extremes, quickly moving from calm to rage. Neither character was a good person, but neither would have been happy with someone else. The contrast in one feeling nothing and the other feeling everything gave them a way to connect.

Spice: 4/5

Triggers: Choking (during sex because they’re both, you know…) Voyeurism Graphic violence and body horror (detailed, including torture and aftermath) Blood (by god, so much blood) Death and murder (multiple) Mental and physical abuse (both on-page and implied) Childhood trauma and non-sexual grooming (referenced) Emotional manipulation and coercion (not between protagonists) Mental illness (depression, emotional detachment, dissociation, intrusive thoughts) Possible suicidal ideation (protagonist expresses thoughts of wishing for non-existence) Animal death (brief flashback) Possible dubious consent (not between the protagonists.)

[Shelby | Spicy.booknook]

Creepy, Seductive and Delicious Vampire Tale

I really enjoyed this book. It gave off very cool yet creepy atmosphere vibes which I really loved. There was the sense of dread throughout the book and even though the main character didn’t feel scared, you kind of felt a little scared for him.

Everything about this book is seductive and erotic. From the minute Abas appears on page, Astaire is wrapped up in the mystery of the man. For the most part this feels like erotic horror but there are some really good emotional moments, even some that are sweet enough to give this that satisfying romance vibe. Definitely recommend for those that love those beautifully written gothic stories. Can’t wait to see what else this author creates.

MM Gothic Romance
Erotic Horror
Vampire / Human
Mysterious Castle
Hurt / Comfort
Degradation
Spice: 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[Romance Professor]

I’m rounding up from 3.5 stars because I found this book rather unique in its approach to atmosphere and characterization. It felt like the author had a vision to execute and didn’t shift that to make the characters more likable or the reader less uncomfortable, and I dig that. There are strong horror elements and consistent characterization and the “mystery” parts wrap up reasonably.

[⭐Toonasa⭐ *Romance Book Lovers' Haven* (For long and deep.... reviews!)]

Currently DNF-ing as I haven't continued after reading 10% in months, I'd have to reread it from start anyway now.

[Aiden Messer]

This book is beautiful. Hot and intense, with a gripping plot and touching characters

[Jake Vanguard]

Awaken, My Love has just what I love about books: Intriguing characters and vampires.

While both of them are messes, they are incredibly well-written, and their differences complement each other perfectly. I'm especially impressed with how clearly distinctive their voices in their respective POVs were - there's no chance to confuse them, even if names weren't given.

I read Marat Earendel's short story "The Rot Beneath" in TORMENT: A Gothic Anthology first, and it gives 'Abaś' even more of a backstory and depth. Not that he lacked any in Awaken, My Love, oh no, he's wonderful. His mood swings have such good reasons, and the curiosity about Alistaire is peak yearning.

Aside from the characters, the setting is immersive and keeps you shivering most times, just as Astaire's struggling with the castle's chill. Awaken, My Love is one of these rare books that keeps you reading, unable to stop (there's a reason I read it in 2 days).

Overall, a wonderful debut novel - I hope we'll get to see a lot more from the author in the future!

[369Pages]

3.5⭐️
A dark Gothic vampire tail about a man who becomes a custodian at a castle that is haunted by vampiric monsters. Astaire isn’t a very emotional guy, but Abaś’ mysterious, and dark temper, absolutely fascinates him

In this book you can expect:
-dark, atmospheric vibes
-violence and gore
-poetic writing style
-vampire x human

This book was a really good one for October, with very creepy vibes and characters that will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. My favourite thing about this book was that the writing style was very beautiful and often poetic, which I found made a lot of of the book quite enjoyable.

Unfortunately, the characters are definitely not likeable even a little bit. Though my heart does really ache for one of them in some ways, neither of the characters has much development or any qualities that are really redeeming at all. So this is the kind of book that you’re going to want to read for the atmosphere and vibes rather than actually falling in love with the characters, in my opinion.

I feel like the overall plot was mostly well done, however, at the end of the book I was still left with some questions. I feel like some of the flowery writing kind of covered up the fact that there were some quite significant parts of the plot or the characters back stories that weren’t addressed. I was really hoping to get more information about these mysterious characters, especially Astaire!

Overall, I do think it’s a really great read to pick up for Halloween season so if you haven’t read this one yet and you’re OK with some gore and horror-adjacent themes, then you should definitely pick this one up.

[Norbez Jones]

Awaken, My Love is very moody, and everything about it bleeds gothic. From the sentence structure, to the vocabulary, to the plot. Which is basically this: protagonist Astaire has been hired to be a custodian for the castle of an angry young master. Will he survive this strange job, and catch the eye of the castle’s overseer, who is actually a vampire? It’s a solid premise.
The writing is lovely, the characters are interesting, if inconsistent (more on that in a sec), and the dialogue is witty. But my main problem with the book is the characterization of Astaire. We are told that he does not feel, that he is emotionally apathetic. However, in the narration we read, Astaire very much does feel. We are shown that in his perspective scenes, yet the book tells us otherwise. Overall, it’s an extremely confusing part of the book for me because the non-feeling nature of Astaire is extremely important to how he connects with A. It's quite odd.
Overall, did I like Awaken, My Love? Yes, and it is a solid debut, but is not without some very clear flaws. I enjoyed the characters the most, and would love to see a kind of sequel or spinoff short story of them after the conclusion of the novel. I hope to see more of Earendel’s work in the future, as he is a very promising writer with a lot of potential.

I wrote a detailed review of the book here (no major spoilers): https://norbezdoes.wordpress.com/2026...

[care]

(buddy read!!)

“Memory after memory flashes before me, each of them a small crumb of existence. I see Astaire standing at the edge of life, watching everyone else live it. He never joins; he never enjoys. He only observes from afar.”

-

“I fall to my knees, gathering him in the coarse ruins of my own hands. I press my brow to his chest, as if I could crawl inside him, as if the closeness alone might erase death. But there is nothing—only silence and blood and a grief too vast for utterance.”

The writing in this book was absolutely beautiful; I loved it. I especially loved how both POVs had a clear difference in language; you could really feel the shift from one character to the other. Astaire and Abaś/Lazarus were such interesting characters and I really enjoyed reading about them. However, I do wish that this was a longer book. I think the story would greatly benefit and improve from this. It also would’ve given their relationship more depth and more time to grow organically, rather than the quick pace at which they fell for each other. And something that did irk me was the constant description of their size difference; I am never a fan of this in media.

And I just cannot finish this review without mentioning how hilarious Astaire’s love/need to wear his work cap was. 😭😭

Overall, this was a very cool story with enchanting writing and I would love to read more from this author in the future.

[J.M. Rose]

“Here we are perfectly matched. You feel nothing, and I feel everything.”

I loved every moment of this book, not a moment where it dipped, not even once. The characters had my attention and did not let me go for a second.

Their distinct voices made for an utterly immersive read, with lush, bewitching prose and a romantic tension that never lulled.

It was well-paced with a satisfying climax and a beautiful end that brought tears to my eyes.

Also, someone please bundle up this one thousand year old man and protect him forever.

[Jillian Brown]

Absolutely stunning gothic magnum opus

ARC Review!
loved Astaire from the moment he walks off the bus and deep into an unfamiliar forest, indifferent to foreboding creepy atmosphere as he starts his new job sight-unseen. "As long as I'm far away from people while given a roof over my head, I don't particularly care about the exact details of it." And boy what a lot of details there are. Bayard is a boss that somehow manages to be nowhere and still micromanaging simultaneously in a massive, sprawling estate, and he doesn't seem exempt from the decay and the grime of the place (THE PORRIDGE SCENE, AUGH MY GOD I WOULD JUST LEAVE, SORRY I QUIT, GOODBYE, IDGAF ABOUT SEVERANCE PAY JUST LET ME GTFO OF HERE AWAY FROM THIS MAN). I loved how the castle was described, I was honestly pretty afraid the building itself would just wake up and swallow Astaire whole! The creeping sense of dread I had because I KNEW something weird was going on kept me engaged and wanting to read more.
Astaire's stubbornness endeared him to me, even when he was doing ill-advised exploring (snooping) that made me go "ohhhh this is probably part of why you've had so many jobs by your mid-thirties lmao." He could tell that something bizarre was afoot and he was gonna get to the bottom of it, by hook or by crook!

And with a VERY stormy hot-and-cold young master of the house to run into, there was a lot more to discover in the castle than just dusty furniture and old cellar potatoes. We're introduced to Abaś, a handsome but brooding grump, who seems to operate primarily on disdain and derision for everything in general, but most especially disdain for Astaire. Not that that stopped them, ohoho! Their intimate scenes were delicious. I absolutely adored the incremental way his vampire paramour began to show him tenderness, I got the sense that it came at a steep cost to him. We see him be so commanding, angry and demanding, snarky and acerbic, but then we get to see what he's like underneath that, briefly glimpsing something else. Marat Earendel did a superb job of keeping him sympathetic, as a reader I didn't know what was going on yet because Astaire didn't yet, but we'd had enough clues that I got the feeling something darker was happening to affect him behind the scenes. I could tell it wasn't a case of a jerk afraid of intimacy and lashing out after being vulnerable, and before I knew it I wasn't just worrying for Astaire; I was worried for both of them!!!

I thought to myself partway through, "these two deserve a little violence, as a treat." I so rarely feel that way when reading, I honestly surprised myself with how hard I was hoping for them to get to just lose it! I'm absolutely more of a "I JUST WANT THEM HAPPY AND COZY AND SAFE" sort of reader even when books are tense and high-stakes, so I was very impressed and honestly delighted to be made to feel so out for blood lmao.

I loved the dreamlike, floaty way time seemed to pass in the novel, and how the world around the castle seemed to be just as warped as the inside. One of my favorite lines is Astaire observing the uncanny quality of nature and the local environment: "Fog, even as ignorant as I am, isn't supposed to move like fumes coming from an exhaust. The more I watch, the eerier it seems. It almost looks like clouds falling from the sky and crawling along the ground. But do clouds usually behave this way?" What a cool visual!! The imagery was truly a delight to picture in my mind, the atmosphere of foreboding permeated the book!

The later portions of the book reference some heavy topics that were handled with sensitivity and empathy. As someone whose experiences have some overlap with what's discussed, I felt seen and understood, rather than exploited for plot points or upping the angst factor. This book did something I truly appreciate: it didn't show us a character that mistreats people and then trot out a sad early life just to excuse his shortcomings. It made me understand just how much he was shouldering, and just how beautiful it was that after lifetimes of suffering he still chose gentleness, still chose to protect Astaire who he came to love in spite of how much life had done to harden his heart. Even Astaire senses that there's more to it than avoidance: "I have the feeling that the care Abaś radiated was more real than his anger. The intimacy of his touch, the tenderness with which he cleaned my body." And the best part was Astaire didn't accept being dissed or tossed aside, his empathy didn't stop him from asserting himself and I loved that especially!

This is a book that made me feel so deeply I had to take a break to process my feelings and digest what I'd read before I could continue reading, but in a way that I absolutely loved. I WANTED to sit with what I'd read and really chew on it for a bit, and it was such a rich emotional experience. The need for submission that's cherished, not forced. Not being the one in control, without it completely destroying you - being shown care instead.

[Theo]

'I can’t believe this guy. I’m trying to get answers, and here he is being cryptically poetic.'

The vibes were immaculate but there was a lack of substance for me.
Lazarus was too hot and cold for me I don't think it needed to be reiterated as much as it was for us to get the point it also felt like instant why had they done so much other stuff and not kissed?! I wish it was mentioned earlier on how the characters wanted to? maybe? idk
I loved the way the master was described!! like yes it makes sense that he's a disgusting rotting corpse who's thousands of years old and relies on his spawn and familiar in order to not wither away. I remember specifically the use of the word 'desiccated' how vivid and gross is that yuck

So much potential but it lacks polish

[Fate]

3.5🌟
Really enjoyed this debut novel and hope to see more works from this author.

[Mireya]

Big thanks to the author for an ARC copy of Awaken, My Love! This has not affected my review at all, which are my own thoughts.

Astaire Bloom, hopeless and emotionless, journeys to a remote castle to work under a mysterious employer. Though a rather odd job where he only ever sees Ballard, another employee that delivers his tasks, Astaire does it all as best he can. Yet, when sinister events unfold around him, the unthinkable happens and he starts to develop feelings he thought forgotten. Sensations that will lead him to Abás, the master of the castle and a danger bigger than he ever thought possible.

This book is what I've been looking for in a gothic work for a while: the feeling of being haunted, the oddity of an isolated castle, the awkwardness between the main character and the others there... I loved, loved, this book from start to end. A definite solid debut from an author I found by chance. Surprised for good, which is always nice to see.

So, messy people with messy jobs and yet such a profound tale of love, identity and finding yourself in a world that cannot (or doesn't want to) understand them. And Astaire and Abás are so different and well develop that their character voices complement each other, never taking over each other.

I think, mostly, what I really loved about this book where both the theme, as said, the search of identity, of like-minded people and finding your own place at the world the way you want to life, not how other dictate; and the fact that this book is clearly gothic. Without saying much in depth, of course, to avoid spoilers, but Astaire is given tasks without much apparent goal and he just keeps doing them for days after days, the cold seeping in and just this feeling of wrongness that I think the author captured perfectly. I don't know, is just a feeling and descriptors and the overall atmosphere that I've missed sometimes at other books classified as gothic.

So, yeah, Marat Earendel is an author to have under our radars; he comes in strong and I'm here for whatever he feels like writing, yeah. Definitely, Awaken, My Love is a book I do recommend; vampires, profound relationships, (some) lovable characters and an atmosphere that will keep you hook to the pages. Hope y'all like this review and I'll see you at the next one ;)

[Ghost]

All I ever want in a book like this. Vampires, love and lust, romanticism, yearning, gothic, and slight cannibalism. (Loved that part lowkey, even tho the man they ate yuck, we hate him).

Love love love Astaire and Abaś/Lazarus. I care so deeply for the both of them. Astaire feels nothing and Lazarus feels everything, they are the perfect match. They each felt separate but better and more complete together. My poor baby Lazarus he did not deserve to have that life put upon him but I’m glad that he now has Astaire. And likewise that Astaire has Lazarus because now he has a reason to live and go on.

Their relationship progressed beautifully and I understood their love and longing for each other immensely. It was as if it was set in stone, and I loved that. The writing also helped with this, since it played in the gothic-ness of the setting, story, and romance.

I can’t wait to see what else they write and I will see if I can get my hands on Torment to read the prequel story about Lazarus and his turning, along with trying out other authors with this sort of story/writing. Also the cover is stunning and I love it, it also helped me visualize the characters better which helps me a lot since I vaguely see books play out as movies in my had and this helps me see it much clearer.

[saryn]

buddy read!!
i enjoyed the writing style of this book, it was beautifully descriptive. that being said, i wish that the relationship between astaire and lazarus could have had more depth. it seems they spend a lot of time together, but know nothing about each other. both of them are interesting characters in their own way, but their relationship didn’t have much development up until the very end, and even that wasn’t much.

i didn’t like the way their size difference was mentioned in every other sentence, i felt constantly reminded that lazarus is ginormous and astaire is super small, it began to feel repetitive after awhile.
it even seemed to be inconsistent at times.

i would also like to mention astaire’s attachment to the hat he got with his work uniform.

“I haven’t worn my hat in several days.”

why it was mentioned so much, i have no idea. he was even wearing his work cap while wearing a robe. please!! lose the hat! it has barely any relevance.

[Kayden Agnus]

*This review is from an ARC reading of Awaken, My Love*

If you're looking for some good supernatural spice with grumpy x grumpier characters in a Dracula-esque castle, "Awaken, My Love" is perfect for you. The dynamic between Astaire and Abas is tight with tension and lust. The hot and cold that Abas brings leaves you just as breathless and confused with intrigue as our protagonist. The gothic part of "gothic romance" takes a huge front seat and I adore it. I adored Abas' perspectives and the writing style shift that, even without labels describing who's perspective we're in, makes it incredibly clear who we're viewing the story from. Earendel has an incredible grasp on the psychology of his characters and you can tell he was incredibly passionate about them. I overall loved this story and can't wait to see more from this author!

[Holly K]

This was an interesting read - very hot and weird. It is also one of the rare instances where the tone and feel of the writing changes between POVs so I could actually tell who's mind we were in. A little heavy handed with some of the unique language the Creator used, I had to use my thesaurus about 15 times, but I learned some new words.

[Chloe]

I don't know where to start. This was so good.

I absolutely loved these characters: Astaire is absolutely unbothered by anything life throws at him - Including but not limited to working in a strange castle doing odd tasks (digging a suspicious hole anyone?)
We are Introduced to 'Abas' as Astaire navigates his hot and cold personality. His POV is fueled with so much emotion.

The flirting was hillarious leading to some fun dynamics between the pair.

Of course more is going on in the suspicious castle. The final chapters are filled with so many revelations and emotions.

Awaken My Love lures you in with its interesting characters and keeps you enticed with its plot. Very similar to the way Astaire is drawn to 'Abas.'

[Helene Lægteskov]

This book is so full of love, life, learning. I do think it’s a bit difficult to read, but it is absolutely worth it!
Who doesn’t want a vampire who wants to lean to live?

I love the ending! I didn’t se that one coming. Buckle up, your in for a ride

[Eva]

3.5 ⭐️

[Alana H]

Creepy and sexy, this was a fun read. The switch in tone between narrators was really well done, you could really feel the difference in POVs.

[Sophie Brookes]

Hot, gothic, and moody. I really enjoyed this story, I kinda wished there was more of it!

[Sabrina Blair]

I really enjoyed this book! A bit different than I expected, but it was pleasant. It had the right amount of darkness, angst, and spice. I liked how some things were kept vague and left up for interpretation. A quick read that held my attention. Absolutely loved the descriptions of the characters & the differences in their personalities. Unique and memorable.

[avis03]

OV Autistic MMC

[M.Z. Arthur]

As I read Awaken, My Love I fell in love with the gothic setting, a remote castle existing independently of the reality from which the new caretaker hails. Astaire is a loner finding his way in the world when he enters an entirely different one. The attraction to his reclusive boss is the one thing keeping him in places.

Theirs is a rough courtship marked with passion and angst, but one that ultimately satisfies. I enjoyed reading this very much, and thank the author for the ARC.

[Lyn Solomon-Linville]

I need a hot drink, the writing of Marat Earendel's cold castle and vampire lovers has chilled me to the bone.
This is one of the best books, let alone vampire books I have ever read, imho.
Abas and Astaire. Don't you just love those names? Well, Abas changes later, but you will see why
The two men are brilliantly written, one who feels everything and one who feels nothing. What they do for each other had me looking forward to getting up in the morning to finish this book. And when Alistaire gently says " I want to understand." To Abas well, I was rewarded.
From Astaire " I've so successfully avoided any emotions my entire life. But after less than a month here, I'm already in complete disarray. I don't like this feeling one bit."
Readers, you ain't seen nothing yet.

[grimmbeing]

Maybe I’ve been spoiled but it’s not up to par to other gothic works of fiction I’ve read. However, I have kept in mind that this is the author’s debut work. So while I won’t be finishing this, I look forward to seeing their writing grow in the future

[isthisakink]

4.5/5. The best days of gothic lit are not gone from this world. Everything is always a bit veiled, a little hazy, more a strange dream or like hearing a conversation when you’re only half-aware. The descriptions are sweeping, the violence is poetic and beautiful somehow, and everyone is an enigma you’re desperate to understand. There are bursts of light and knowledge, but mostly you just float along the pages, following the characters that follow the author, and wander through their visions together. It’s always a damn good time. Blessed be those who will never let it go, because they know where the fucking party’s at. And especially bless this glorious mess of wonder and what-the-fuck, I love you and you were fucking brilliant.

[amber.readslikealady]

Beautiful story with gothic vibes, lots of trauma and angst, and high heat.

I’d like to point out that I believe the “gothic” theme is occasionally used too loosely: tossing the characters into a pretty, spooky mansion, and calling it gothic. Awaken, My Love truly is gothic. From the imagery, the manor being a character in its own right, the vocabulary and analogies used, and the haunting poetic prose. 

This story was immersive. If you are able to sit down with no distractions for a few hours and really settle in to read, I highly recommend it. I kept post-poning finishing this book because I did not want the story to end.  

One of my favorite things to read about is when characters are uniquely flawed in ways that bring them together, resulting in a perfect symbiosis that could only work between these specific people. Marat did this extremely well in AML. I love both Abaś and Astaire with all their traumas and flaws, and they fit beautifully together. Did I mention it’s high heat? 🔥

5/5 Stars and I can’t wait to see what Marat Eerendel has next!