Awaken, My Love: A Gay Gothic Vampire Romance

by Marat Earendel

He feels nothing. The vampire feels everything. The castle wants the rest.

Astaire Bloom, an unfeeling man devoid of hope, takes a job in a remote castle under a mysterious employer. As sinister events unfold around him, he begins to feel things he thought himself incapable of. And the castle is hungry for it.

To uncover the secrets buried within the ancient, decrepit walls, Astaire must endure more than he ever imagined.

Hurt, and bleed, and want, and fear.

Fear it all. Feel it all.

Awaken, My Love is a gay gothic vampire romance is a queer gothic vampire novel about ruin, longing, and the dangerous tenderness of monsters. Perfect for readers who crave atmospheric castles, morally complicated men, and prose you can chew on.

vampire × mortal, gothic castle with secrets, hurt/comfort, forced proximity, morally gray characters, obsessive desire, size difference, angst & yearning, erotic horror.

Content explicit sexual content, blood and violence, dark emotional themes.

Recommended for adults 18+.

Genres: Vampires, Queer, Dark Romance, Fantasy, M M Romance, Paranormal, Vampire Romance

213 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 22, 2026

About the author

Marat Earendel is a queer filmmaker and writer whose work lives between gothic horror, eroticism, and the absurdity of existence. He explores trauma, desire, and the strange tenderness of the monstrous through an existential lens.
His debut novel, Awaken, My Love, was published in March 2026.

Reviews

[Poppy || Monster Lover · Rating 4 out of 5]

Astaire was such an interesting character because he didn’t connect with his emotions like a neurotypical person would, and not in the “white boy awkward doctor” way. In the “I feel nothing” way. His curiosity and lack of desire to follow rules put him in some dangerous situations with the master of the house, but also gave him the chance to bond with him. The “young master” was a study in extremes, quickly moving from calm to rage. Neither character was a good person, but neither would have been happy with someone else. The contrast in one feeling nothing and the other feeling everything gave them a way to connect.

Spice: 4/5

Triggers: Choking (during sex because they’re both, you know…) Voyeurism Graphic violence and body horror (detailed, including torture and aftermath) Blood (by god, so much blood) Death and murder (multiple) Mental and physical abuse (both on-page and implied) Childhood trauma and non-sexual grooming (referenced) Emotional manipulation and coercion (not between protagonists) Mental illness (depression, emotional detachment, dissociation, intrusive thoughts) Possible suicidal ideation (protagonist expresses thoughts of wishing for non-existence) Animal death (brief flashback) Possible dubious consent (not between the protagonists.)

[Aiden Messer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful. Hot and intense, with a gripping plot and touching characters

[Jake Vanguard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awaken, My Love has just what I love about books: Intriguing characters and vampires.

While both of them are messes, they are incredibly well-written, and their differences complement each other perfectly. I'm especially impressed with how clearly distinctive their voices in their respective POVs were - there's no chance to confuse them, even if names weren't given.

I read Marat Earendel's short story "The Rot Beneath" in TORMENT: A Gothic Anthology first, and it gives 'Abaś' even more of a backstory and depth. Not that he lacked any in Awaken, My Love, oh no, he's wonderful. His mood swings have such good reasons, and the curiosity about Alistaire is peak yearning.

Aside from the characters, the setting is immersive and keeps you shivering most times, just as Astaire's struggling with the castle's chill. Awaken, My Love is one of these rare books that keeps you reading, unable to stop (there's a reason I read it in 2 days).

Overall, a wonderful debut novel - I hope we'll get to see a lot more from the author in the future!

[Norbez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Awaken, My Love is very moody, and everything about it bleeds gothic. From the sentence structure, to the vocabulary, to the plot. Which is basically this: protagonist Astaire has been hired to be a custodian for the castle of an angry young master. Will he survive this strange job, and catch the eye of the castle’s overseer, who is actually a vampire? It’s a solid premise.
The writing is lovely, the characters are interesting, if inconsistent (more on that in a sec), and the dialogue is witty. But my main problem with the book is the characterization of Astaire. We are told that he does not feel, that he is emotionally apathetic. However, in the narration we read, Astaire very much does feel. We are shown that in his perspective scenes, yet the book tells us otherwise. Overall, it’s an extremely confusing part of the book for me because the non-feeling nature of Astaire is extremely important to how he connects with A. It's quite odd.
Overall, did I like Awaken, My Love? Yes, and it is a solid debut, but is not without some very clear flaws. I enjoyed the characters the most, and would love to see a kind of sequel or spinoff short story of them after the conclusion of the novel. I hope to see more of Earendel’s work in the future, as he is a very promising writer with a lot of potential.

I wrote a detailed review of the book here (no major spoilers): https://norbezdoes.wordpress.com/2026...

[J.M. Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Here we are perfectly matched. You feel nothing, and I feel everything.”

I loved every moment of this book, not a moment where it dipped, not even once. The characters had my attention and did not let me go for a second.

Their distinct voices made for an utterly immersive read, with lush, bewitching prose and a romantic tension that never lulled.

It was well-paced with a satisfying climax and a beautiful end that brought tears to my eyes.

Also, someone please bundle up this one thousand year old man and protect him forever.

[Jillian Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely stunning gothic magnum opus

ARC Review!
loved Astaire from the moment he walks off the bus and deep into an unfamiliar forest, indifferent to foreboding creepy atmosphere as he starts his new job sight-unseen. "As long as I'm far away from people while given a roof over my head, I don't particularly care about the exact details of it." And boy what a lot of details there are. Bayard is a boss that somehow manages to be nowhere and still micromanaging simultaneously in a massive, sprawling estate, and he doesn't seem exempt from the decay and the grime of the place (THE PORRIDGE SCENE, AUGH MY GOD I WOULD JUST LEAVE, SORRY I QUIT, GOODBYE, IDGAF ABOUT SEVERANCE PAY JUST LET ME GTFO OF HERE AWAY FROM THIS MAN). I loved how the castle was described, I was honestly pretty afraid the building itself would just wake up and swallow Astaire whole! The creeping sense of dread I had because I KNEW something weird was going on kept me engaged and wanting to read more.
Astaire's stubbornness endeared him to me, even when he was doing ill-advised exploring (snooping) that made me go "ohhhh this is probably part of why you've had so many jobs by your mid-thirties lmao." He could tell that something bizarre was afoot and he was gonna get to the bottom of it, by hook or by crook!

And with a VERY stormy hot-and-cold young master of the house to run into, there was a lot more to discover in the castle than just dusty furniture and old cellar potatoes. We're introduced to Abaś, a handsome but brooding grump, who seems to operate primarily on disdain and derision for everything in general, but most especially disdain for Astaire. Not that that stopped them, ohoho! Their intimate scenes were delicious. I absolutely adored the incremental way his vampire paramour began to show him tenderness, I got the sense that it came at a steep cost to him. We see him be so commanding, angry and demanding, snarky and acerbic, but then we get to see what he's like underneath that, briefly glimpsing something else. Marat Earendel did a superb job of keeping him sympathetic, as a reader I didn't know what was going on yet because Astaire didn't yet, but we'd had enough clues that I got the feeling something darker was happening to affect him behind the scenes. I could tell it wasn't a case of a jerk afraid of intimacy and lashing out after being vulnerable, and before I knew it I wasn't just worrying for Astaire; I was worried for both of them!!!

I thought to myself partway through, "these two deserve a little violence, as a treat." I so rarely feel that way when reading, I honestly surprised myself with how hard I was hoping for them to get to just lose it! I'm absolutely more of a "I JUST WANT THEM HAPPY AND COZY AND SAFE" sort of reader even when books are tense and high-stakes, so I was very impressed and honestly delighted to be made to feel so out for blood lmao.

I loved the dreamlike, floaty way time seemed to pass in the novel, and how the world around the castle seemed to be just as warped as the inside. One of my favorite lines is Astaire observing the uncanny quality of nature and the local environment: "Fog, even as ignorant as I am, isn't supposed to move like fumes coming from an exhaust. The more I watch, the eerier it seems. It almost looks like clouds falling from the sky and crawling along the ground. But do clouds usually behave this way?" What a cool visual!! The imagery was truly a delight to picture in my mind, the atmosphere of foreboding permeated the book!

The later portions of the book reference some heavy topics that were handled with sensitivity and empathy. As someone whose experiences have some overlap with what's discussed, I felt seen and understood, rather than exploited for plot points or upping the angst factor. This book did something I truly appreciate: it didn't show us a character that mistreats people and then trot out a sad early life just to excuse his shortcomings. It made me understand just how much he was shouldering, and just how beautiful it was that after lifetimes of suffering he still chose gentleness, still chose to protect Astaire who he came to love in spite of how much life had done to harden his heart. Even Astaire senses that there's more to it than avoidance: "I have the feeling that the care Abaś radiated was more real than his anger. The intimacy of his touch, the tenderness with which he cleaned my body." And the best part was Astaire didn't accept being dissed or tossed aside, his empathy didn't stop him from asserting himself and I loved that especially!

This is a book that made me feel so deeply I had to take a break to process my feelings and digest what I'd read before I could continue reading, but in a way that I absolutely loved. I WANTED to sit with what I'd read and really chew on it for a bit, and it was such a rich emotional experience. The need for submission that's cherished, not forced. Not being the one in control, without it completely destroying you - being shown care instead.

[Mireya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Big thanks to the author for an ARC copy of Awaken, My Love! This has not affected my review at all, which are my own thoughts.

Astaire Bloom, hopeless and emotionless, journeys to a remote castle to work under a mysterious employer. Though a rather odd job where he only ever sees Ballard, another employee that delivers his tasks, Astaire does it all as best he can. Yet, when sinister events unfold around him, the unthinkable happens and he starts to develop feelings he thought forgotten. Sensations that will lead him to Abás, the master of the castle and a danger bigger than he ever thought possible.

This book is what I've been looking for in a gothic work for a while: the feeling of being haunted, the oddity of an isolated castle, the awkwardness between the main character and the others there... I loved, loved, this book from start to end. A definite solid debut from an author I found by chance. Surprised for good, which is always nice to see.

So, messy people with messy jobs and yet such a profound tale of love, identity and finding yourself in a world that cannot (or doesn't want to) understand them. And Astaire and Abás are so different and well develop that their character voices complement each other, never taking over each other.

I think, mostly, what I really loved about this book where both the theme, as said, the search of identity, of like-minded people and finding your own place at the world the way you want to life, not how other dictate; and the fact that this book is clearly gothic. Without saying much in depth, of course, to avoid spoilers, but Astaire is given tasks without much apparent goal and he just keeps doing them for days after days, the cold seeping in and just this feeling of wrongness that I think the author captured perfectly. I don't know, is just a feeling and descriptors and the overall atmosphere that I've missed sometimes at other books classified as gothic.

So, yeah, Marat Earendel is an author to have under our radars; he comes in strong and I'm here for whatever he feels like writing, yeah. Definitely, Awaken, My Love is a book I do recommend; vampires, profound relationships, (some) lovable characters and an atmosphere that will keep you hook to the pages. Hope y'all like this review and I'll see you at the next one ;)

[Ghost · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I ever want in a book like this. Vampires, love and lust, romanticism, yearning, gothic, and slight cannibalism. (Loved that part lowkey, even tho the man they ate yuck, we hate him).

Love love love Astaire and Abaś/Lazarus. I care so deeply for the both of them. Astaire feels nothing and Lazarus feels everything, they are the perfect match. They each felt separate but better and more complete together. My poor baby Lazarus he did not deserve to have that life put upon him but I’m glad that he now has Astaire. And likewise that Astaire has Lazarus because now he has a reason to live and go on.

Their relationship progressed beautifully and I understood their love and longing for each other immensely. It was as if it was set in stone, and I loved that. The writing also helped with this, since it played in the gothic-ness of the setting, story, and romance.

I can’t wait to see what else they write and I will see if I can get my hands on Torment to read the prequel story about Lazarus and his turning, along with trying out other authors with this sort of story/writing. Also the cover is stunning and I love it, it also helped me visualize the characters better which helps me a lot since I vaguely see books play out as movies in my had and this helps me see it much clearer.

[Kayden Agnus · Rating 4 out of 5]

*This review is from an ARC reading of Awaken, My Love*

If you're looking for some good supernatural spice with grumpy x grumpier characters in a Dracula-esque castle, "Awaken, My Love" is perfect for you. The dynamic between Astaire and Abas is tight with tension and lust. The hot and cold that Abas brings leaves you just as breathless and confused with intrigue as our protagonist. The gothic part of "gothic romance" takes a huge front seat and I adore it. I adored Abas' perspectives and the writing style shift that, even without labels describing who's perspective we're in, makes it incredibly clear who we're viewing the story from. Earendel has an incredible grasp on the psychology of his characters and you can tell he was incredibly passionate about them. I overall loved this story and can't wait to see more from this author!

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know where to start. This was so good.

I absolutely loved these characters: Astaire is absolutely unbothered by anything life throws at him - Including but not limited to working in a strange castle doing odd tasks (digging a suspicious hole anyone?)
We are Introduced to 'Abas' as Astaire navigates his hot and cold personality. His POV is fueled with so much emotion.

The flirting was hillarious leading to some fun dynamics between the pair.

Of course more is going on in the suspicious castle. The final chapters are filled with so many revelations and emotions.

Awaken My Love lures you in with its interesting characters and keeps you enticed with its plot. Very similar to the way Astaire is drawn to 'Abas.'

[Helene Lægteskov · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so full of love, life, learning. I do think it’s a bit difficult to read, but it is absolutely worth it!
Who doesn’t want a vampire who wants to lean to live?

I love the ending! I didn’t se that one coming. Buckle up, your in for a ride

[avis03]

OV Autistic MMC

[M.Z. Arthur · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I read Awaken, My Love I fell in love with the gothic setting, a remote castle existing independently of the reality from which the new caretaker hails. Astaire is a loner finding his way in the world when he enters an entirely different one. The attraction to his reclusive boss is the one thing keeping him in places.

Theirs is a rough courtship marked with passion and angst, but one that ultimately satisfies. I enjoyed reading this very much, and thank the author for the ARC.

[Argento Nox · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an ARC review:

When I saw posts about this book on Instagram and then the call for ARC readers, I instantly threw my resolve to pause from ARC reading during midterms and final exams overboard and applied, because what was promised basically screamed my name.

I did not regret that decision. I devoured this book in a matter of a few days, and what should I say, I really liked it.

Vampires, a castle harboring darkness and a coldness that reaches deeper than mere flesh, unwell characters struggling to claim a place in a world that was not made with them in mind, a lot of horny moments, and relationships forged in suffering.

The book feels very classic in its themes, but executes them in an interesting way. Especially the choice of characters spoke to me on a very deep level. As someone who understood himself as muted in emotion for a very long time, and still does, although to a less extreme extent, Astaire as a protagonist felt very relatable. Empty and unsatisfied, but despite his experienced lack of emotion frustrated with his situation.

His easily upset new boss, in terms of emotion, of feeling, and connection is his polar opposite, which makes their relationship all the more interesting.

Their dynamic and their circumstances are incredibly fascinating to follow and by the end of the book I felt a little sad that I had to leave this castle behind, sorry cold place that it might be.

If any of the themes speak to you as they did to me, you should give this book a try, especially if you like vampires, and horny, broken men.

[amber.readslikealady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story with gothic vibes, lots of trauma and angst, and high heat.

I’d like to point out that I believe the “gothic” theme is occasionally used too loosely: tossing the characters into a pretty, spooky mansion, and calling it gothic. Awaken, My Love truly is gothic. From the imagery, the manor being a character in its own right, the vocabulary and analogies used, and the haunting poetic prose. 

This story was immersive. If you are able to sit down with no distractions for a few hours and really settle in to read, I highly recommend it. I kept post-poning finishing this book because I did not want the story to end.  

One of my favorite things to read about is when characters are uniquely flawed in ways that bring them together, resulting in a perfect symbiosis that could only work between these specific people. Marat did this extremely well in AML. I love both Abaś and Astaire with all their traumas and flaws, and they fit beautifully together. Did I mention it’s high heat? 🔥

5/5 Stars and I can’t wait to see what Marat Eerendel has next!

[Bambii · Rating 4 out of 5]

*ARC review**

If you enjoy dark supernatural vampiric stories that lean into that nice classic vibe with a heavy dose of gothic literary elements, this book will be up your alley.

The setting is immersive and detailed and very easy to visualize, and really captures an atmosphere that reminds me of Castlevania where the world is dark and gritty, and Dracula is intense, a recluse, and properly grumpy and dangerous. Both Abás and Alastaire had solid distinct voices making the grumpy x grumpy pairing work really well. Even the side characters (hello to the cook and butler) were very distinct and fleshed out to feel like real people instead of support devices.

A big thank you to the author and congrats on the release!

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

What can I say? It took me 3 days to read it. I simply could not put it down. It has everything I love and is beautifully written. I was transported there with every page and I didn’t want to leave. Such a wonderful debut novel from an author I cannot wait to see more of!

[˚₊‧✩ ryane ✩‧₊˚ · Rating 4 out of 5]

gothic, vampires, hurt/comfort, YEARNING — hell yea 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ the prose is absolutely stunning and i cannot wait to read more of earendel’s work!!

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5🌟