5/5 ⭐️’s
“he was both the hero and villian in our love story, saving me only to ruin me.”
i’ve been staring at this blank screen for what seems like forever now. i’m still speechless after reading this book…i barely got any sleep because that cliffhanger!?!?! i need to start the last book asap so please don’t expect much from this review🥲
♡ content warnings:
again…this book is dark so please please please look up trigger warnings! mentions of suicide and rape are the heavy ones. your mental health comes first🥹love you all<3
♡ my thoughts:
i. ate. this. book. up. nicole fiorina’s writing?! absolutely breathtaking, ♾️/10. i already wanna reread this trilogy and i’m not even done. i have high hopes for the last book, but i’m sick thinking about it because i have no idea how this will end. i was immediately hooked from the beginning of this book and then nicole gave me a suspenseful mystery plot on top of the romance!?!? yes. 1000000000000x yes. it was so good. it kept me on my toes, it made me go crazy, and most importantly i saw none of it coming. even tho that plot had me hurting for my bb mia and absolutely fuming…i absolutely loved it! the plot twists?!? my bruna bae was so right. there’s a part in this book where i’ll never forgive nicole. it involves one of the characters in this book and if you’ve read the book then you know what i’m talking about and it literally killed me. so sad. i can’t say cuz spoilers, but just know that i will NEVER get over it. oh and ollie’s pov!? my heart skipped a beat every time the beginning of a chapter said “ollie”, thanks to my bestie, hoda, for telling me in advance🙈i screamed and got even more excited to start this🤭
♡ tiny plot summary:
ollie is not himself. struggling with his mental health, they drug him up on a bunch of different medications. will those medications pull him under or will his love for mia keep him afloat?
“the moment someone speaks up about their internal pain, they’re shoved onto meds, counseling, and hospitals,” ollie tapped his head vigorously, “because we don’t fit into their box and we’re fucking weak and lazy, yeah? how about alone and misunderstood!”
♡ ollie & mia
this book was so hard to read because of my intense love for these characters. what they go through individually and as a whole!?! too much :( ollie and mia’s strength could lift the entire universe. i love them endlessly <3
“close your eyes, love,” he said.
“where are we going?”
“under the stars.”
the rest of my review will be my favorite, memorable, and painful quotes/scenes.
♡ scenes:
#1:
i flipped on the faucet to brush my teeth when i found my reflection in the mirror.
not me.
mia.
she stepped out of her stall and stood there with a towel around her tiny figure. our eyes linked and my hands hit the corner to hold myself up from the power she still had over me. her coffee-colored eyes held strong, undisturbed by the distance between us. her perfect lips parted, wanting to say something. just spit it out, love. if i had to wrap my fingers around her jaw and exhume them myself…
“let’s go,” scott barked.
mia snapped her mouth shut and dropped her towel. she stood stripped and bared. my first instinct was to snatch her up in my arms and remove her from hungry eyes. but then my gaze landed on her fading injuries. her flawless skin had taken a beating, and my soul went cold. yellowed patches marked her thighs and hips, and my grip tightened around the edge of the sink as my eyes continued their journey back to her face. “who did this to you?” i asked, each word pained by the view before me.
“you did.”
no. i would never hurt you.
i swooped up her towel, wrapped it around her, and pulled her to me.
mia shook in my grasp, and i couldn’t tell if it was because she was cold or scared of me. i lowered my head into the crook of her neck. “tell me i didn’t do this,” i whispered out of earshot. my entire being hung on her answer.
“it wasn’t you,” she cried softly into my chest. “you weren’t yourself.”
her words devoured me, shredded me to nothing. absolute nothing. chest pain so intense blurred my vision, and i held onto her tighter, digging my head into her neck.
“please, wait for me. just stay with me, mia.”
“even when you’re gone?”
“especially when i’m gone.”
~~~OOOOOO THIS WAS HARD TO TYPE, I’M SOBBING. pain pain pain pain.
#2:
“dammit, mia. look at me.” i snapped my head up and faced the music. a fire burned in his eyes, and his nostrils flared. then as if that one look sedated him, ollie’s shoulders dropped beneath his black hoodie, and he leaned into me, his body remembering me. calm. relieved. revived. hopeful green eyes examined mine, and he wet his busted lip. “it’s going to be okay.”
“how do you know?”
“i just do.”
“ollie i—“
“no, mia. i don’t care to know the details,” he cut in, all-knowingly.
“but—“
“it doesn’t matter.”
“i have to get it out!”
he raised his brows and lifted his chin.
“did you fuck him?”
“no, but—“
“did you kiss him?”
“no, ollie.”
his head titled and his eyes narrowed. “are you confused?”
never. “no!”
“then it doesn’t fucking matter.”
“how could you say that?”
“because you have no idea what it’s like to fall in love with you. i’m not stupid, he’s in love with you, and he’d be a bloody fool not to try something.” he looked off for a moment before his eyes hit mine again. “let it go, love. guilt looks horrible on you. it doesn’t match the color of your eyes.”
~~~my want and need for this man has intensified.
#3:
soft cries came from inside, and i jerked my head in his direction. “somethings wrong.”
“this is how it always starts. it’s a nightmare.”
“a nightmare?”
scott paused with a key in the doorknob to meet my eyes. “it gets worse. she’s had them ever since the day you left. imagine having to listen to it every bloody night.”
“you’ve been helping her?” i asked, surprised.
“trying.”
the cries turned into screams, and my focus bounced from ethan to his keys. “get me in there.”
ethan snapped his eyes back to the door knob and jiggled the key to get the door opened. i busted through and ran to her side.
in the dark, cold room, her small frame shook, drenched and hot with her hands into a fist. “mia,” i whispered, brushing my hand over her hair. i looked back to scott to see him gone and the door ajar. “wake up, my love. open your eyes.”
every scream from her lips grabbed my own emotions and shook them harshly. i dropped my head into my hand and clenched my eyes when i felt a hand over my shoulder. i glanced up to see scott standing over me with a towel in his hand. snatching it from his grasp, i turned back to mia and smoothed it over her glistening forehead. “mia, open for eyes for me.”
“ollie?” she cried out.
my heart clenched, and a breath left me at the mention of my name. “yeah, love. it’s me. i’m here.” her eyes slowly blinked open, and the color shifted from a black to a golden brown instantly. “it’s alright.”
~~~if there’s a nightmare trope…sign me up.
#4:
“that’s nonsense.” i withdrew my hoodie and sat over the mattress beside her. “no matter what, you can always talk to me. you know better than that.” after stretching out my legs, i pulled her up and over me so her head could lay in my lap. my fingers slipped under her shirt and i ran them down her back. scrapes and marks protruded beneath my fingers, and i lifted her tank and leaned in to get a closer look. “what in the hell…”
“it’s nothing,” mia’s voice broke and pulled away from my grasp.
it wasn’t nothing. my touch knew every detail of her skin. those had been scars. fresh scars. ones i’d never touched before. “take off your shirt,” i demanded with a rattled tone as i silently prayed i had been wrong. please, god, tell me i’m wrong.
mia faced me with humiliation in her eyes, and i tried to control my emotions from spilling out. “mia,” i urged, and for a moment, she hesitated, but then sat up and took off her shirt. the room was dark, and she turned her back toward me. i tilted her enough to hit the red blinking light coming from the corner of the room when i noticed scars covering her.
"what the fuck happened?" she hung her head, and my stomach twisted in knots.
"mia? how the hell did this happen? who did this to you?"
mia’s lips trembled, and she lifted her head to the ceiling, trying to curb all weakness.
i picked her up and slid her into my lap, facing me. her legs wrapped around me while her arms unwrapped from over her chest. i yanked my shirt off and pulled her against me, needing to be close without barriers. mia released an exhale into my neck, and her fingers scratched at the back of my head.
“i’m not okay,” she cried. “i’m not. i can’t do it anymore…”
~~~PAIN. this scene was so intimate and so heartbreaking. i literally cannot with this book.
#5:
my fear had since turned into anger.
ollie’s fingers dug into my thigh, attempting to absorb the rage rolling through me.
“baby, eat,” he said.
ollie rarely called me that. he was desperate.
~~~this is such a small scene but had a huge impact cuz😩😩😩i mean it speaks for itself🥹🦋
♡ quotes:
- “memories of the way she made me feel. memories of the way i’d made her feel. perfection. she’d always fit perfectly in my arms. she'd fit perfectly on top of me.
i’d fit perfectly inside her. she'd fit perfectly beside me, against me, under me, bodies entangled and aligned. every way, we'd fit without flaw. her body was my kingdom come. her divine kiss was my salvation. her soul was mine's paradise. mia was my evermore. and i'd known since the moment my soul felt hers.”
- “anything that happens to you, happens to me. every blow, every setback, every burn, every bloody beating. you are not alone in this. you hurt, i hurt. you’re in pain, i’m in pain. whatever you go through, i feel it because you're a part of me. we're in this together."
- “i rose to my feet and watched her curl into a ball before drifting back to sleep—my angel. doctors saw imperfections, a mental illness, but all i saw was strength: a powerful mind and the ability to protect the rest of herself from it when needed.”
- “where they saw flaws, i saw blessings. that beautiful mind of hers kept her strong—kept her a fighter.”
- "consuming, timeless, unselfish, love. i'd loved you in my darkest hour when i wasn't myself, and i’ll love you in every lifetime after this."
- “i want you to love me anyway.”
- “you’re my evermore.”
- “there are cracks, but now the light can shine through.”
- "my medication was back in full force, but this time was different. this time, my body didn't submit to the side effects like the pills wanted because my body didn't belong to the side effects. my body belonged to her."
- "do you have any idea what you do to me, love?" 🦋🦋🦋<— this is what he does to me.
- "the most dangerous man is a man in love, he faced me, eyes wild and calm concurrently, "because i'd tear off my own flesh before someone hurts you... and if i'd do that to myself, imagine what i'd do to someone else."
- "the cruel irony is you are my forever but not my right now."
old updates:
i’m not ok. i devoured this this book in less than 24 hours and am simply. not. okay. i’m also speechless. review to come after i get some sleep and process wtf just happened…oh i loved it btw (if y’all couldn’t tell🙈) but wtf :D
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9/21: ok i’m officially starting, i’m ready to fall more in love with ollie and am ready to protect this man at all costs🤭
9/19: i haven’t started yet because i was at my bf’s grandfather’s viewing today and tomorrow is his funeral so this is why i’ve been so busy as of late🥺ily all tho, you guys always brighten my days<3
ok ok i’m ready for more pain! :D
my bruna bae convinced me to start the second book immediately🤭bestie told me there’s plot twists that will make me CRAZY?!?!?!?! ok bb, say no more.
also again…this cover is so gorgeous😍😍😍