Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead

by Mai Nguyen

A darkly humorous yet uplifting novel about a grieving mother who starts working at a funeral home and discovers that the best way to honor the dead is to live—from the author of the “insightful, moving” (Taylor Jenkins Reid, New York Times bestselling author) Sunshine Nails.

All Cleo Dang has ever wanted is to be a mother. The day she discovers she’s pregnant is the happiest of her life, especially when she learns that her best friend, Paloma, is also expecting. It’s a wonderful surprise, and together, they enjoy their pregnancies. But when they both go to the hospital in labor, something goes very, very wrong. Paloma comes home with a baby. Cleo does not.

Ravaged by grief, Cleo must now navigate life after losing her baby. She alienates herself from the world, particularly her best friend, who is living the life she so desperately wanted. Forced to take leave from her demanding job as an actuary, Cleo manages to find work at a funeral home, where she meets a revolving cast of bereaved locals and discovers the power of confronting grief.

Darkly humorous yet uplifting, Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead follows a grieving mother who starts working at a funeral home and discovers that the best way to honor the dead is to live.

Genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Contemporary, Audiobook, Adult, Grief, Canada

Audible Audio

First published April 14, 2026

About the author

Mai Nguyen is a Vietnamese Canadian author whose debut novel, Sunshine Nails, was longlisted for Canada Reads and named one of the best books of 2023 by NPR and CBC. Her journalism has appeared in Wired, The Washington Post, and The Toronto Star. Raised in Halifax, she now lives in Toronto with her husband, daughter, and French bulldog. Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead is her second novel.

Reviews

[emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

representation matters

(thanks to the publisher and libro.fm for the e-arc)
(review to come)

[Hades ( Disney's version ) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley and Atria Books for an ARC of Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead by Mai Nguyen

For my book girlies please check the trigger warnings with this one! As this book delves into the gut wrenching topic of infant loss & other issues surrounding it.. I say this as your lord & savior of the underworld, ok?.. like, I've seen some 💩 💩 💩 💩. So when I tell you to be careful, please do 🩵

Those of you who have been here for a while know I don't say this too often.. however I think it's very important here because Mai Nguyen has a very beautiful but very raw and realistic way of writing.

While I cannot put myself in your shoes exactly.. at times this book had me feeling like a cat being pet the wrong way. So I can only imagine how someone else would feel if they were personally affected by the heavier topics here.

My personal beef is with that "Dr." of hers that manages her postpartum "care".. I just wanna talk for a few minutes.. just ignore the hungry 3-Headed dog behind me that's foaming at the mouth🫠🫶🏼

Although I am happy to report this book is as equally inspiring as it is devastating. And I do think this book will help a lot of women. If you have experienced infant loss and you're in an OK place in your healing journey, this would be great if you're looking for something genuine relatability. Because you will most definitely find that here!.. I can't remember the last time I routed for a character so intensely. Honestly it even feels weird calling Cleo a "character" because she feels so tangible. Maybe because I know that she is real and she represents millions of women trying to navigate through the darker trenches of life.


My overall take on this was that it's simply outstanding and a must read as a woman. I will definitely be getting a hardcopy book trophy and this is one of those rare books I will be re-reading!





Until next time,
Hades
🩵

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

REVIEW TO COME!!!!!!


🌸🌿The best way to honor the dead is to live🌸🌿!!!!!!!!

[Lindsay L · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ stars!

An unexpected gem!

All Time Favourites List 🏆

Heart-breaking. Raw. Emotional. Gut-wrenching. Devastating. Thought-provoking. Tragic. Hopeful.

Cleo is grieving the loss of her 4 day old baby. Often suffering in silence, she forces her way through her days after this devastating and debilitating loss and wonders how she will continue living. In trying to keep her mind occupied, she takes on a new job that challenges her entire way of thinking.

This book captured my ENTIRE heart. I was browsing a local bookshop and noticed this flashy cover in the new release section. I had only just heard of this book from a glowing review I had seen a few days prior. I picked it up to see if I would click with the writing and the very first sentence shot straight to my heart, making me gasp, pause, and tear up a little. I read no further at the bookshop, but took the book to the cash to purchase. My mind lingered on that first sentence for the entire drive home, following me into my house, where I immediately pulled the book out of my shopping bag and sat down to start reading it. Not only did that first sentence make a huge impact on me — I was consumed, engaged, intrigued, invested and thoroughly captivated by this story to the very last word. The intense, immediate connection I felt with this book in the bookstore never once let up while reading this. I was quite literally hanging on every word and thinking about this book even when I wasn’t reading it. This will be a book I never forget.

This novel is centered around a grief stricken mother. It’s a messy, unpredictable, exhausting grief that had me heartbroken for the main character. This storyline hits so close to home for me in my close family. The author wrote so powerfully and realistically that I KNEW she must have had experienced devastating loss herself or in someone very close to her. The Acknowledgement section at the end fully explains this and had me bawling my eyes out even after finishing the story. No amount of research could have helped the author write such powerful and relatable words - this writing came straight from the heart.

This novel won’t be for everyone. It’s rip-your-heart-out level of sadness that you must be ready for. Readers who enjoy emotional reads that involve motherhood are sure to be touched by this unforgettable story. Anyone touched by grief will surely find comfort in the relatability of the words written on these pages. This will most likely be my favourite book of the year.

[Mai H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book I've read this year. I don't say things like this lightly. And I didn't pick this up lightly. This book is semi-autobiographical for Mai (the author, not me), who lost her daughter Gemma in a birth accident.

I'm not going to tell you to read this book. This book is hard to read. And while it may be healing to some, I imagine it can be damaging to others. Mai mentions in the acknowledgements that it was hard to sell. I'm not sure a lot of people want to read about grief, but it's an important part of life. And yet, I found I couldn't put it down.

There are two moments that really stuck out to me. 1) There is no word in either the English or Vietnamese languages for parents that have lost a child. 2) I was tinged with sadness throughout, but the first time I cried was when Cleo's parents brought her bitter melon soup and explained its meaning. Bitter melon, kho qua, translates to "let the suffering pass." Her mom explains it's not supposed to be easy to eat. And while I'm not a huge fan of the soup either, this really broke something in me. Actually, I'm crying right now.

In between all of this are insensitive doctors and friends. I get it. It's hard to know what to say. But maybe think before speaking. And not just with grief.

Parents that lose children often go through divorce. Doctors throw this tidbit of information at Cleo every so often. I wonder if Ethan had to hear the same thing.

📱 Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books

[My.bookish.diaries · Rating 5 out of 5]

✦ Rating: 4.5⭐️

Gifted 💌: Thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada for the free advanced copy.

☾ Yes/No/Maybe? Yes !!
☾ For readers who love: emotional stories about grief, deeply sad, messy characters trying to survive their pain😮‍💨

✧✧✧✧✧

✦ Mood: darkly funny, emotionally raw, and quietly devastating… grief woven into moments with a sense of emptiness and longing.
✦ Setting: Toronto, Canada

This was a moving read for me. I appreciate everything the author put into this book especially after reading the authors note at the end 😔 Beautiful writing that made me feel close to Cleo who had gone through an unimaginable loss…. That put into words how grief can affect people. The writing was very vulnerable and raw. Thank you Mai Nguyen for this book💙

I’ve seen people in my own life go through this kind of loss, and this book put to words the way loss can impact you. A must read for all women as it is such a moving, inspiring and equally devastating story.

We follow Cleo in the months after her loss and watch her slowly unravel and rebuild in different ways. It touches on so many hard realities, people asking the wrong questions, overbearing family, professionals who just don’t understand what you actually need (Dr. Posey… she had me so annoyed 😭), shifting friendships, and how your entire life can change in an instant.

Kenneth was such a standout for me, and I actually really loved the funeral home scenes, they added so much depth and emotion to the story in a way I didn’t expect. Also, having it set in Toronto made it hit even harder for me… I recognized so many places which made everything feel even more real 💙 🩷

This is such a heavy, moving, and quietly powerful story. I really hope to read more from this author, and I’d 100% recommend it…especially if you’re looking for something emotional that stays with you after you finish.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I didn’t expect the casket to be so small.”

The first sentence of Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead will rip your heart out, but you’ll keep reading because all good books do that to you. The story follows Cleo Dang, a woman whose firstborn daughter, Daisy, passes away just days after being born. Unable to cope with the world, Cleo shuns her husband, her family, and her best friend, Paloma, who coincidentally has a child on the same day, April 29th.

Every day it becomes harder for Cleo to breathe, eat, or even open her eyes. She decides to take a leave from her career as an actuary to work as an assistant at the very funeral home that handled Daisy’s service.

You might think Cleo is crazy, but after the trauma of infant loss, a mother will do anything to keep her mind from the unavoidable. There’s nothing charming or happy here; it’s completely raw. You will cry, and at times you will laugh, as author Mai Nguyen draws from her own experience of losing a daughter just days after birth.

“How tranquil it must be in there. No pain, no uncertainty, no tears, no surprises, no fighting, no stress, no anxiety, no pretending, no exhaustion, no disappointments, no anguish. I’d give anything to trade places with her.”

Part memoir, mostly fiction, I didn’t expect to love this book so much. As a mother myself, I wondered: Why would I want to read this? Why would anyone? Ultimately, this story is about how one survives minute by minute, second by second. Cleo avoids Paloma as pure jealousy sets in; she doesn't even learn Paloma's son’s name until well after he is born.

“I spot the bassinet in the corner, the mobile of clouds and stars spinning glacially above it. I have the same one. We registered for it together. Only mine is collecting dust and hers is collecting sweet dreams.”

The minor characters, especially the coworkers at the funeral home, are intriguing, and some scenes will tear you apart. However, Nguyen sprinkles doses of humor throughout to remind you that life does indeed go on after tragedy.

“Kenneth pulls out a few strands of mustache hair and places them in a mason jar which, from what I can tell, houses several more fallen mustache hairs. I look away and pretend what I just witnessed is a totally normal thing.”

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and Nguyen makes that known. As a mother, I cannot imagine growing someone inside of you only to lose them immediately. To say mothers don’t bear the brunt of the hardest job in the world would be a fallacy, and Nguyen proves it.

“Death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life.”

This book is heartbreaking in so many ways, but it is brilliantly done. Don’t miss it when it’s released on April 14, 2026.

Thanks to Atria for the advanced copy!

[Victoria (storieswithtorie) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was gifted a physical copy by the publisher and this is one I’m keeping.

The thing that got me most isn’t just the loss. It’s what she does after.

Cleo goes to work at the funeral home. After losing her baby… she walks straight into death every single day. No distance, no avoidance. Just full exposure to it, over and over.

It sounds extreme, but it made complete sense for her. It felt like the only place that matched what her life had become.

Kenneth works there and is the one who handles her baby’s arrangements. Then he becomes this quiet constant once she starts working there. He doesn’t try to fix anything or say the perfect thing. He just shows up and treats her like a person, not something fragile.

The funeral home scenes were the strongest part of the book for me. Very direct. Very real. You see the routine of death, the process, the way it becomes something you have to handle whether you’re ready or not.

These lines stuck with me:
“Death is quiet. It doesn’t ask permission.”
“You learn quickly that it keeps coming, whether you’re ready or not.”.

It doesn’t soften anything. It just shows you exactly what it is.

[Cassidy Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story will never leave me. I’m not sure that I’m even capable of articulating the impact it has had on me. This story follows the main character Cleo Dang following the loss of her baby and her journey through grief and healing. While I don’t share the same loss, it doesn’t matter because the portrayal of grief was so honest and human that I felt every single word. Without getting too personal into my own story - I felt a comfort that I have not yet had while exploring Cleo’s feelings surrounding the afterlife, having obsessive thoughts about death, and passive suicidal ideation. These aren’t things that are often discussed and it’s so refreshing to see it portrayed with such care within a work of fiction rather than tucked away six pages deep in a random late night Reddit post.

I also want to note that I truly LOVED learning about Vietnamese culture, folk religion and traditions surrounding death and loss (and in general too)! I took breaks from reading to do some more extensive research on everything I was learning so I could fully appreciate it. It was woven throughout the story perfectly.

I have saved MANY highlights and will absolutely be sharing them once this book is released. 🌼

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher and author for the ARC! Adding to my infinity stars list.

[Charlene Carr · Rating 5 out of 5]

My official endorsement:

CLEO DANG WOULD RATHER BE DEAD is a window into grief: its ability to make us our worst selves, but also how, over time, it can turn us into a person who sees life for how precious and beautiful and exquisitely improbable it truly is. Nguyen’s writing is open and vulnerable and so very raw: I cried a lot, but I also laughed and was reminded that grief is a journey that never ends but shifts and morphs and should be tended to as long as is needed. It is a testament to the healing power of connection, and I’m so glad this book exists.

My more personal one: Everything above - PLUS - I've never experienced the pain of losing a full term child. But I can imagine it. I have imagined it over and over again. I've lost enough pregnancies that it feels embarassing to say the number, like people will think I'm a masochist. And during my last pregnancy, the second to give me a living child, I thought of her possibly impending death far too much. For months, I wouldn't let myself think of her as a baby, but rather another impending miscarriage. I didn't truly believe she'd live until I was holding her in my arms, and then, five days later, I thought of her death when we had to take her to the ER and a flurry of doctors and nurses surrounded her and I thought I would be going home without my child.

I thought of her death in the weeks or months after, when I was afraid to sleep because I feared I'd wake up to find her dead, when I was afraid to let my husband hold her, because what if he wasn't paying the close attention I did, and she died from positional asphixiation in her arms.

And so, when I was asked to read an advance copy of this book, debated, and then said yes, I wondered what I was doing. Many times as I read, and cried, I wondered why I kept turning the pages. But I persevered because I knew the author had lived through my worst nightmare, and then lived to write a book about it. Because I trusted if I made it to the end, rather than this book simply being a deptiction of my worst nightmare, it would be a depiction of continuing not despite of, but because of that deep loss, in honour of it. I continued because I imagined her writing about this would help other women who'd lived through that same nightmare, (or ones, like me, who'd come close), feel more seen, and by feeling seen, feel less alone, and I wanted to be a part of that. I'm so glad I continued. This is a beautiful book.

[cyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review. This book was so sad but such. n accurate portrayal of grief. It was honestly hard to read at times because things were just so bleak. After learning that it was based on the authors real life experience it becomes even more heartbreaking. If you’ve ever grieved someone or something you can definitely find a lot to relate to here. It does end on a more hopeful note that was really inspiring. I thought some of the side characters ( mostly her doctor) did come off as a bit cartoonishly insensitive but i’m sure there are people who act like that in real life and in a weird way it added some humor to a really depressing story. I highly recommend this but definitely check trigger warnings.

[Liz Hein · Rating 5 out of 5]

How is grief both so personal yet universal at same time? Let Nguyen show you.

From the innocuous email about Mother’s Day or a warranty on a tragically unused car seat, to getting pulled away from reality and brought straight back to the worst day of your life in the blink of an eye, to stressing about money bc death is expensive but also buying something you want let’s you feel an ounce of control so you spend what you shouldn’t, to worrying about forgetting the sound of their laugh, onto questioning how the loss feels both forever ago and a moment ago… Nguyen nails it. Do not miss the authors note either.

[Carrie Shields · Rating 5 out of 5]

...𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉...𝒂 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒙 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓, 𝒎𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒕...𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒅𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒖𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒔.

I don’t usually take a break from my steady diet of thrillers and horror, so I wasn’t prepared for how deeply this book would get under my skin. Cleo Dang has always wanted to be a mother, so when she and her longtime best friend Paloma find themselves pregnant at the same time, it feels like everything is finally falling into place. Until the women go into labor at the same time and Paloma's baby gives a hearty cry, and Cleo's baby does not. I expected the emotion, but I did not expect the kind of quiet devastation that settled in and refused to leave.

What stayed with me most was how real Cleo’s grief felt. I didn’t feel like I was reading about her, I felt like I was sitting beside her in it. She is not rushed through her through the pain or given shortcuts. Instead, her journey unfolds in a way that feels painfully honest. I found myself pausing more than once just to sit with what I had read because it hit too close to something human and universal. Watching her friendship with Paloma strain under the weight of something neither of them can fix was especially difficult. And Ethan, Cleo's husband who is also suffering. His pain and grief was so difficult to witness because he tucked his away to focus on his wife.

And somehow, through all of that, there is still something quietly beautiful here. I found myself moved by the way Cleo’s unexpected job at the funeral home became a place where grief could exist without apology. This story understands that loss does not go away, it just changes shape. I went into this expecting something outside my comfort zone, and I came out of it feeling like I had experienced something deeply meaningful. This is the kind of book that leaves something behind in you and reminded me of this: 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕, 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆. 𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒔𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓, 𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒆𝒅, 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒛𝒛𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅, 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆.

Please, please read the author's note. Your heart will break all over again. So many thanks to Atria Books for my beautiful finished copy. This one is available now.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will never leave me - Mai Nguyen has a gift! This book is so heartbreaking and beautifully written. She does an amazing job discussing grief, loss, and finding joy again.

[andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

thank you to NetGalley for the advanced digital copy and my fave, Atria, for sending me a physical arc. ilysm.

y'all need to read this one.

--

cleo dang would rather be dead is a book that will split you open. it's a novel about infant loss, but more than that, it's about the isolating, all-consuming nature of grief and the bizarre, desperate paths we take to survive it. cleo loses her baby daisy days after birth, while her best friend paloma gives birth to a healthy son on the same day. shattered, cleo retreats from her job, her husband, her friend, and the world. then she takes a job at the funeral home that handled daisy's service.

let me start with what this book does extraordinarily well: it captures the raw, ugly truth of grief with unflinching honesty. as someone currently navigating profound loss myself, i recognized so much of cleo's reality - the way people stop mentioning your dead friend/family member because they think it will upset you, which only makes you feel more alone. the way you resent anyone who still has joy. the way you make irrational, compulsive choices just to feel closer to what you've lost. there's a scene where cleo breaks down in a hospital parking lot that hit me like a physical blow. i now drive miles out of my way to avoid the road where my own mother died. mai nguyen writes grief not as a stage or a lesson, but as a landscape you're forced to inhabit, where everything familiar becomes hostile.

the funeral home setting, which could have felt contrived, is instead the book's greatest strength. cleo doesn't run from death, she walks straight into its daily routine. she assists with viewings, handles paperwork, and watches how grief manifests in strangers. through her coworker kenneth, a quiet, steady presence who doesn't try to fix her, she learns that death is quiet, relentless, and doesn't ask permission. these scenes are grounded, unsentimental, and strangely grounding. they provide a structure to her chaos.

now, the part that consistently grated on me, as it does in so many books about motherhood: the writing about babies. there's a fetishistic, almost devotional quality to the descriptions - talk of "milky baby breath" and sealing a baby's lip cracks with aquaphor after kisses - that i find deeply uncomfortable. it feels less like authentic maternal feeling and more like a performative, tradwife ideal that rings hollow and, frankly, creepy. it pulled me out of the narrative every time.

but if you can push past that (and i did, because the core of the book is worth it), what remains is a powerful, semi-autobiographical story about how to live when you'd rather be dead. one of the most striking moments comes when a character tells cleo that if she dies from grief, people will remember her daughter as the person who made her die. the real way to honor the dead is to live for them. it's a simple, devastating idea that reframes survival as an act of love.

cleo dang would rather be dead is not an easy read. it's heavy, specific in its trauma, and full of triggers. but it's also darkly funny in places, deeply moving, and full of hard‑won wisdom about vietnamese mourning traditions, the silence around child loss, and the clumsy ways people try to help. it's a book that understands grief doesn't end; it just changes shape. and sometimes, the only way through is to sit with it, in a funeral home, until you remember how to breathe again.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

When first time mother Cleo's newborn daughter, Daisy, passes away at the hospital after she gives birth, Cleo is a mess. She's not eating, she's either sleeping 15 hours straight or not at all, she's having terrible nightmares, and worst of all, she is living with the immeasurable guilt that she could have done something to prevent this, even though it wasn't anyone's fault. Now, all she can think about is death – not only Daisy's, but her own. Nothing matters, she's living in a daze, and she just wants to be with her daughter again. 

Cleo's best friend, Paloma, had a baby on the same day as Cleo, and she is not only grappling with her own grief, but also trying to be happy for her friend and keep up with everyone else around her who seems to have already moved on. Even though Cleo's husband, Ethan, is also grieving, he's doing it a bit differently than Cleo and she doesn't understand it. Cleo decides to apply for an opening at the funeral home that they held Daisy's funeral at - if she can't escape all her thoughts of death, she may as well join them. 

This book balances a really heavy theme with lighter moments, without ever downplaying the hard parts. Cleo's grief showed up in ways that felt almost unbelievable, yet somehow totally human. Although I haven't been through what Cleo had, I felt so much empathy for her that it brought me to tears. The book treats healing as a process without a clear finish line and although her grief stays, she learns – in time, and with a lot of ups and downs along the way – how to carry it differently, in a healthier manner.

A personal thing I loved about this book is that it's set in Toronto, and a lot of things were mentioned that people who are from the Greater Toronto Area would recognize. I felt like Cleo could be anyone walking down the streets I recognized and that made me feel closer to her and have a bit of a soft spot for the book in general. I enjoyed the navigation of friendship, marriage, and work life after loss too; all the characters felt real. I'm really going to miss Cleo and being inside her mind, which is odd to say because her mind was not a great place to be most of the time.

One big thing I enjoy about reading are stories that make me feel something, and this book made me feel everything. 

[Delaney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I don’t feel fully adequate to write a review for. The story was told with such care and attention. Definitely a sensitive subject matter, but I thought the author did a great job with it. I read the book in one sitting.

Thank you to the publisher for the gifted arc

[evie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to publishers and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I love that Cleo narrates the book and that she addresses the reader as “you”. You, the reader, is now Cleo’s unborn child. You get front row seats to a mother’s love letter to her child. With this special perspective, I feel Cleo’s emotions tenfold, all her grief and sorrow, as well as her journey after her infant’s passing. Nguyen’s humor kept the book from being too serious and kept me hooked to see how Cleo interacts with the people around her. I was surprised to find myself relating to Cleo’s thoughts on mortality and death, but comforted as I now know others have similar beliefs. It was also refreshing to see difficult topics candidly discussed instead of being treated as taboo. Being Vietnamese myself, I loved seeing my culture and customs throughout the chapters, which made this book more personal to me. I loved that the ending was hopeful. We get by, day by day, and it does get better.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve always been drawn to books that explore grief. It’s such a deeply personal experience, unique to each individual, yet something everyone goes through in some form. Reading about it feels like stepping into someone else’s shoes. It may not fit exactly, but you come away with a deeper understanding, a sense of empathy for what they’ve endured.

Cle o Dang Would Rather Die follows a mother who loses her baby during childbirth and her journey through grief. What stood out to me most was how raw and honest this book felt. The pain described here was so vivid, so real, that at times it felt like I was grieving alongside her.

This is why I love fiction. It has this incredible ability to make you feel, to let you experience something that isn’t yours, and still understand it on an emotional level.

There’s a Vietnamese term introduced in the book, "chia buồn", which means “to divide the sadness.” It’s the idea that grief is shared, that others take on pieces of your pain so you don’t have to carry it alone. I found that so beautiful, because isn’t that what storytelling does? It allows us to share not just our pain, but our joy, our love, and everything in between.

Cleo herself is such a complex and compelling character. Some of her actions while grieving are difficult to understand, even questionable at times, but they also feel deeply human. Grief isn’t rational. It doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes you can pull yourself out of it, and sometimes you need others to pull you back. This book really highlights the importance of having a “village”, people who support you, but also ground you when you need it.

And one small note: read the author’s note after finishing the book. It adds another layer to why this story feels so honest.

Also… maybe don’t read this during PMS. Your pillows will be soaked through and through

[Cinderella · Rating 5 out of 5]

To say I cried when I read this book is understatement. I wept and sobbed. This was not an easy read, but one that left an impact following a character dealing with unimaginable grief and how she finds the will to live again while working at a funeral home.

Cleo Dang was supposed to be a new mother alongside her best friend. While in labor however, something goes wrong, and Cleo and her husband, Ethan, lose their newborn daughter, Daisy, a few days later. Shattered by loss, Cleo alienates herself from her family and friends. She’s soon offered a job at a funeral home by a kind funeral director, and through this and the people she meets, she begins to process her grief and what it means to live for her daughter.

I urge readers to take care while reading this book because it does get heavy throughout. Mai Nguyen based this novel on her own experience losing her firstborn daughter and all that heartache and pain is emitted through Cleo Dang. Nguyen puts readers into her character’s mindset that you understand and feel every bit of her sadness, anger, and hopelessness. In light of everything however, there is also some dark humor, which may be strange to say, but is reflective of how complicated grief is.

A notable feature for me is seeing all this explored through Asian characters. Cleo has to mask her grief to show that she’s okay, even though she isn’t, so she doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. It’s the same as well for Ethan, who as an Asian man, tries to keep it within so he can be strong for the both of them. It made me think a lot about how different cultures, including my own, handle grief and how sometimes it can be seen as a stigma. It’s a sensitive subject and even through a story like this, I commend Nguyen for writing about it with such honesty and care.

This book left an indelible mark that will resonate with me long after reading, especially when thinking about loss and living for those gone and carrying their memory.

Thank you Simon and Schuster for the DRC!

[RebeccaReadsTooMuch 💁‍♀️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trigger warning for the book’s focus, and for my review: newborn doesn’t survive

Cleo and her best friend Paloma do everything together, including going into labor on the same day. Devastatingly, their paths diverge here, and Cleo goes home to begin a lifetime of unimaginable grief.

Gosh this book was so well written. Of course it’s so very heavy, but also incredibly touching. There’s some dark humor, and I worried slightly when I read she takes a job working in the funeral home, but fortunately all of it was written with care.

Cleo goes through so much, and even though no one can take away her pain, we learn along with her that she’s not so alone as she thinks. Her personal growth is beautiful 🥹 as is all the love she gives and receives 🤍

Many thanks to Atria Books for the digital copy.

[Al · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the description of this book is wrong. Although I may have chuckled a few times, I would not describe it as “darkly humorous.” It’s definitely dark and sad. Although I know everything in the book didn’t really happen, it reads almost more like a memoir than a work of fiction. There is a lot of raw emotion that accurately (and ceaselessly) describes life after the loss of a child. It can be brutal to read and a bit infuriating at times, as the main character doesn’t seem to want to try to help herself. While I appreciate that it was probably cathartic for the author to write it, I liked the story for what it was but felt a bit clobbered over the head.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Jaclyn Wingfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a heartbreaking and raw, but absolutely beautiful book. I feel changed for the better, reading this. I don’t know if I can properly articulate its impact.

Death is complicated, but Mai wrote about it so eloquently. She didn’t shy away from the realities of death and its impact on the living: jobs, relationships, personalities. Mai’s writing style is engaging, relatable and humorous. It was refreshing to read a story that felt realistic and honest, even the messy parts. As much as this is a story about death, it’s also about healing and how you live with grief.

It was interesting to learn more about Vietnamese culture as it was scattered throughout the story; the ways culture shows up in grief.

Last thought - wow wow wow Palmoa is such an understanding friend. She held Cleo accountable when she needed it, but was soft when that was needed too.

I am so grateful to Atria books, who provided this ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a special book this was, one that had me wiping away tears during one chapter and cackling the next.

Cleo Dang recently suffers the shocking and sudden loss of her infant daughter, an event that tears a hole in the fabric of her life. To make matters more difficult, her lifelong best friend Paloma who’s walked through every stage of life with her, has just given birth to a healthy baby.


After her daughter’s death, Cleo becomes moored in grief, cycling in and out of periods of deep depression, emptiness and anger. She begins isolating and lashing out towards everyone in her life. She feverishly tries anything and everything to distract from her overwhelming grief and the growing lack of desire to live.

While making arrangements for her daughter’s funeral, Cleo is offered a job at the funeral home, and after some hesitation, accepts.

Throughout the rest of the book, we see Cleo embark on a healing journey. It’s realistic and nonlinear, and achingly visceral. Instead of seeing Cleo have a “gotcha” moment where she is suddenly mended, we see her learn to live with her grief.

An angle I particularly appreciated is the integration of Cleo’s identity as a Vietnamese-American woman. As a fellow VietAm woman, I understand the frustration of being raised in a culture that encourages us to just “move on” and suppress our pain.

This is a story that will stay with me forever, and I’ll absolutely be reading Mai’s Nguyen first book now.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for the ARC!

[Dani (The Pluviophile Writer) · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been a pleasure to read "Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead" and I'm so thankful I was able to get an advanced reader copy from Netgalley.

Cleo Dang is pregnant with her first child and so is her best friend, Paloma. They live on the same street and everything was coming together so perfectly until it didn't... Paloma gives birth to a healthy baby boy while Cleo's daughter, Daisy, dies of birth complications only a few days after birth. Cleo's life unravels with the tragic loss of her precious baby girl and she ends up taking a job at the same funeral parlor her daughter's service was held at which connects and helps her in ways she did not see coming.

Cleo's story shows all the unique and lonely aspects of child loss grief. It's like nothing else. From inappropriate comments from friends, family, and medical professionals, to strange coping mechanisms, dark humour, relationship and job loss, and ultimately the unwilling reshaping of a person after such life shattering devastation.

What I loved about Nguyen's writing is how honest Cleo's grief portrayal was. It's messy and shows how even well intentioned loved ones misunderstand the grief process in their desperation to get the grieved person "back to normal" but grief, especially traumatic grief, takes all the time it needs. It needs to be heard, to be felt, and for that person to have a safe and supported space to go through that process. Cleo's story is also one of hope, in that it is possible to continue on but not necessarily to move on.

What makes this book so truly poignant and beautiful is that the writing truly comes from the heart, as Cleo's story is a fictionalized retelling of the Nguyen's own child loss, as she too, lost her daughter. Cleo's story, this tragic unfolding of real grief, is just what our grief illiterate world needs.

I wish I didn't find this book relatable but, like the author, I have also experienced child loss when my first born son's heart suddenly and inexplicably stopped beating when I was 27 weeks pregnant. The agony of his loss is still with me and is so aptly captured in Cleo's story. I saw so much of myself in Cleo. The story brought back some of the rawness of that grief but in the best way possible. As an avid reader, I have struggled to read since my son's passing and have not been able to relate to other child loss books I was able to get through, that is until this one. If you have lost a child, I am so profoundly sorry for your loss, it is not a club that anyone wants to be a part of but it does have the best people in it. This book will speak to you and the loneliness, you no doubt, feel and I highly recommend it.

I can't wait until this book is published so that I can get a copy to share with friends and family. Thank you, Mai, for writing this book.

[brewdy_reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

Thank you to @atriabooks + @simon.audio for the complimentary review copies.

𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚.

Mind the trigger warnings: Cleo, as the title would suggest, would rather be dead than go on after the loss of Daisy.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DXZUmfmlmVt/

Mai Nguyen wrote this book like she’s been in Cleo’s shoes, because she has. Every emotion on the page was felt in my bones. Every well intentioned person who said the wrong thing made me 😬 (have I said that to a grieving person?)

However the pain was balanced with moments of levity and laughter. I mean, who decides to work at a funeral home, and ends up finding her people there, other than Cleo? When her prescription can’t be filled because the doctor wrote “Chloe Dong” instead of Cleo Dang and she proceeds to go ballistic, I lol’d.

I also appreciated Chloe’s mom who reminds me so much of mine. Another standout character is Cleo’s ride or die Paloma. Both love her fiercely and are patient to a point, when they tell her how it is.

How many times have I second guessed a decision made and whether it would have, could have changed the outcome. The truth is sometimes bad things, terrible things, happen to good people for no reason. This is part of being human.

“𝙻𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚕.”

“𝚃𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚞𝚖𝚙 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔.”

“𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎.”

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||။‌‌‌‌‌|• 🎧 Elyse Dinh did Cleo’s parents accents and relatives and had a great range in audio edition!

[Misha · Rating 4 out of 5]

(rounded down from 4.25)

I wasn't completely surprised to read at the end that this book is based partially on the author's own experience with losing a baby and the grief that comes after. It's a horrible thing to experience, but writing about it in this accessible way is really important to help people around them understand what might be going through a parent's mind in this terrible time and how to try and help them.

This was really engaging and a tough read only due to the heavy subject matter. Chloe experiences the debilitating grief and passive suicidal ideation that comes with this kind of horrible event, and only through working at a funeral parlour with others who have suffered loss and want to help people on their worst day is she able to stop thinking about the hole in her heart.

This may be triggering for some, so take care of yourselves, but I think it's an important read to understand this kind of horrible grief.

[Jill Wuellner · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are few books that capture grief realistically, and when one does you know it's only through experience. How can you say a book detailing the grief experienced by the loss of an infant as beautiful? Heart-wrenchingly beautiful? But that's the best way I can describe Mai Nguyen's newest book.

Cleo Dang and her life-long best friend have experienced everything together, including becoming pregnant at the same time and delivering babies on the same day. So when Chloe's baby girl, Daisy, dies due to complications during birth, her loss is only emphasized by Paloma's living baby. Chloe descends into grief, finding relief through sleeping, pills, and heavy doses of Nyquil. She retreats from everyone hoping a falling crane will take her out of her misery. It's not that she wants to harm herself, she just wants to be with Daisy.

If you've lost a child or a loved one, a lot of Chloe's feelings are authentic. How can the rest of the world go on? How do you continue to live joyfully? How do you get out of bed in the morning? With authenticity and humor Mai Nguyen takes the reader into grief...something that touches us all at some point, and offers hope to those who are hurting, and maybe a place to feel seen and understood.

Thank you Netgalley and Atria books for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this beautiful book.

[E.C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I'm not going to lie and say it goes away. It never goes away, but it won't always hurt this much. You'll feel like yourself again. Maybe not who you used to be. But something close to it. Something you can look at in the mirror and recognize beyond a shadow of a doubt."

One of the most honest and raw portrayals of grief I've read in a while. The purpose of this book isn't to follow a typical narrative outline and perfectly hit all the plot points, because grief isn't like that. Rather, it's true to the nonlinear process of healing, sometimes achingly so. Cleo isn't necessarily a likable character at times, but she is honest.

(special thanks to Atria Books for a physical advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review!)

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm thankful to have won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. Books with strong, raw emotion that don't shy away from the realness of life are special. While this book definitely has that, I wish there was time to build a connection with the main character first. Because that didn't exist, I struggled to feel this book as deeply as it deserved.