Polyvagal Parenting: Vagus Nerve Practices to Stay Calm, Coregulated, and Connected with Your Child

by Paul North, Lydia So MD, Michael Allison

184 pages, Paperback

Expected publication September 1, 2026

About the author

Paul North is Professor of German at Yale University and author of The Problem of Distraction (Stanford, 2012).

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides strategies to keep your nervous system calm so you can "coregulate" when a child is having a meltdown. There is so much compassion and understanding in this book, both for parents and for kids. I appreciate that there are so many specific (and even fun!) strategies to try that will work for both parents and children. The book really gets to the heart of many parenting challenges. I think this is a must-read for parents and it is a wonderful resource.

I do, however, have a few questions and other comments:
- At what point can children be expected to move from coregulating with a parent to self-regulating? The 0-12 age range (given toward the ends of the book) feels a bit long to me. I also feel that the goal of co-regulation should be to help a child feel safe, yes, as the book correctly states, but also to help a child feel capable. I want my children to do hard things, handle disappointment, and behave appropriately in a classroom, etc. I winced a little at some points in the book - e.g., when Jacob's story ended with leaving the soccer field instead of building his confidence and courage. Can't feeling safe mean taking risks knowing a parent is there, rather than knowing a parent will give in to a child's emotional outbursts to avoid doing unwanted tasks? Perhaps children will feel safer when they can conquer a fear and see the world as a tiny bit less dangerous in that regard.
- Even though generally, this book is very thoughtful, I feel its section on food ignores some of the main reasons why people turn to processed food (which the authors link to inflammation and to anxiety). Processed food is fast for busy parents, and it's filling. It's hard to keep an active toddler or a nursing mom satiated on whole foods that take time to prepare. Personally, I feel that section could have had more compassion and less shame to match the tone of the rest of the book. I am also concerned by the recommendation for a ketogenic diet, which might not be the best option; I would recommend readers of this book consult their pediatrician and/or nutritionist first.
Perhaps I'm making mountains out of molehills, but for a book this important and overall excellent, those are just my thoughts on how it might be even better. (Please note that the authors might make edits to the final published version, so it could be different than the eARC I received, and please also note that I'm not a child psychologist (though I am a parent and teacher).)

Again, this book is a wonderful resource overall and I still definitely recommend it.

Thank you to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the free eARC! I post this review with my honest opinions.

[Chelsea Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve ever felt like traditional parenting advice falls flat when your child is in the middle of a meltdown, this book is for you. Polyvagal Parenting moves past the "why" of behavior and dives deep into the "how" of the nervous system, offering a revolutionary lens through which to understand our children (and ourselves).

Paul North and his co-authors do a brilliant job of translating Stephen Porges’ complex Polyvagal Theory into everyday language. The concept of "co-regulation" is the heart of this book—teaching parents that our own calm is the most powerful tool we have to help a dysregulated child. I especially appreciated the specific, body-based exercises, such as rhythmic breathing and "vagal brake" techniques, which provide immediate ways to shift out of "fight or flight" and back into a state of safety and connection.

What makes this a 5-star read is its compassion. It removes the shame from "big emotions" and replaces it with biological understanding. It’s not just a book about theory; it’s a manual for building a more resilient, securely attached family. This should be required reading for every parent, educator, and therapist.

[Melly · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve ever snapped at your kid and immediately thought, Why did I react like that? then Polyvagal Parenting is worth reading.

What makes this book stand out is that it doesn’t blame parents or expect them to be calm all the time. It explains why stress affects both parents and children the way it does and how our reactions can shape the mood around us.

The ideas are easy to understand, and the book gives practical things you can actually try in everyday life. Its main point is simple: parenting is not about getting everything right. It’s about staying close to your child, working through difficult moments, and learning as you go.

It felt more like talking with someone who understands parenting than reading a typical parenting guide. Honestly, I think every parent should read this book.

Thanks to NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review it.