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Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
Suggests using knighthood as a basis for raising boys to become "real men"
168 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 1996
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3248 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 214 reviews
February 18, 2012
I ordered this book as a mom of 3 boys. Although it specifically said it was geared towards fathers teaching their sons how to become men, I was hoping that as a mother, I'd be able to glean some advice on how to help move them in that direction as well.
The book pulled on my heartstrings and really led me to want to encourage my husband to be a more involved force in our sons' lives.
As a mother, I can teach them the basics, but it takes a man to be a role-model and hero to our boys. I can tell them the ideas, but they need a man to show it in action.
I loved all of the official ceremony ideas helping boys move through the knighthood ranks of page, squire, and knight and about how to make a physical symbol of manhood that is relevant and memorable to our children.
I hope that as our boys grow up, they can become like knights - men that we are proud to have parented, that we can turn to and honestly say, "I'm very pleased with you."
The book pulled on my heartstrings and really led me to want to encourage my husband to be a more involved force in our sons' lives.
As a mother, I can teach them the basics, but it takes a man to be a role-model and hero to our boys. I can tell them the ideas, but they need a man to show it in action.
I loved all of the official ceremony ideas helping boys move through the knighthood ranks of page, squire, and knight and about how to make a physical symbol of manhood that is relevant and memorable to our children.
I hope that as our boys grow up, they can become like knights - men that we are proud to have parented, that we can turn to and honestly say, "I'm very pleased with you."
July 16, 2009
I first heard about RAMDK from a pastor a few years ago. He was making up for lost time with his son after putting in long hours finishing seminary and starting a church. It's easy for pastors to get sidetracked by the Church at the expense of their families.
The most well-known book I know of right now on raising a son is Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys." While that is an excellent resource with a lot of valuable research, it lacks concrete, creative ways to shape one's child. It sits half-read on my nightstand.
Robert Lewis defines a man as "someone who reject passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects a greater reward." (p.61) I think that is a pretty solid definition, and Lewis uses examples from Scripture to support his many concepts. If there is one criticism I have, it's that Lewis indeed has MANY concepts: 3 Shortcomings...10 ideals...4 principles, etc. This guy loves lists and bullets.
An additional concept that some might challenge in Lewis' plan for modern-day knights, is his focus on loving a woman. In my own life, loving my wife has defined much of who I am as a man, but I'm not sure that every man will find the love of a woman as a key component of his service to Christ. The Apostle Paul is a good example.
Key things that I thought were helpful were Lewis' promotion of the "transcendent cause" as a source of meaning in men's lives, his story of "working for a King," and his support of being a part of "the community of men" for the sake of ourselves and our sons.
Lewis' basic premise is that raising a modern day knight requires instilling the following in our sons: 1) A Vision of Manhood 2) A Code of Conduct 3) A Transcendent Cause. I think this book will prove to be helpful for fathers as well as their sons, as many from my generation have grown up with "destination sickness--" Lewis' term for the feeling one gets when he's arrived at his goal only to find it lacking.
The most well-known book I know of right now on raising a son is Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys." While that is an excellent resource with a lot of valuable research, it lacks concrete, creative ways to shape one's child. It sits half-read on my nightstand.
Robert Lewis defines a man as "someone who reject passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects a greater reward." (p.61) I think that is a pretty solid definition, and Lewis uses examples from Scripture to support his many concepts. If there is one criticism I have, it's that Lewis indeed has MANY concepts: 3 Shortcomings...10 ideals...4 principles, etc. This guy loves lists and bullets.
An additional concept that some might challenge in Lewis' plan for modern-day knights, is his focus on loving a woman. In my own life, loving my wife has defined much of who I am as a man, but I'm not sure that every man will find the love of a woman as a key component of his service to Christ. The Apostle Paul is a good example.
Key things that I thought were helpful were Lewis' promotion of the "transcendent cause" as a source of meaning in men's lives, his story of "working for a King," and his support of being a part of "the community of men" for the sake of ourselves and our sons.
Lewis' basic premise is that raising a modern day knight requires instilling the following in our sons: 1) A Vision of Manhood 2) A Code of Conduct 3) A Transcendent Cause. I think this book will prove to be helpful for fathers as well as their sons, as many from my generation have grown up with "destination sickness--" Lewis' term for the feeling one gets when he's arrived at his goal only to find it lacking.
March 4, 2013
Pleasantly void of any "taking back American Christianity from effeminate culture" language, this book is not about raising up your son to be a 'Manly Man'. It's a book about the importance of teaching your son values in a way that he hears them and they take root in his character. It's a book about the importance of being a father of integrity. It's a book about how to give your son something that will allow him to become a man because he's been taught about becoming an adult, keeping him from having to figure it all out on his own.
Setting his discussion in the context of medieval knighthood (a move that I thought was dangerous -- given the crusades -- but a move that took the positives and avoided the negatives), Lewis takes the tenants of knighthood and asks how we might impart these same values to our sons. My favorite line (which was not drawn out throughout the book) was "Live pure. Speak truth. Defend the right. Honor the King."
Lewis also designs the book around four major "ceremonies" that he believes one might give their son. He defends the importance of ceremony for a man and gives PLENTY of examples to use or get your own creative juices flowing.
I found the book to be challenging and inspiring as I look for tangibles in raising my own two-year-old son. While I wouldn't necessarily be agreeing with all of the theology in the book, this isn't a book of theology -- it's a book about fatherhood.
Setting his discussion in the context of medieval knighthood (a move that I thought was dangerous -- given the crusades -- but a move that took the positives and avoided the negatives), Lewis takes the tenants of knighthood and asks how we might impart these same values to our sons. My favorite line (which was not drawn out throughout the book) was "Live pure. Speak truth. Defend the right. Honor the King."
Lewis also designs the book around four major "ceremonies" that he believes one might give their son. He defends the importance of ceremony for a man and gives PLENTY of examples to use or get your own creative juices flowing.
I found the book to be challenging and inspiring as I look for tangibles in raising my own two-year-old son. While I wouldn't necessarily be agreeing with all of the theology in the book, this isn't a book of theology -- it's a book about fatherhood.
April 23, 2025
Very good book, especially in terms of practical ideas for being intentional about preparing sons for manhood. I will be implanting many of these things, Lord willing.
January 4, 2010
In this book, the author shares that no one ever told him when he officially became a man or what it meant. He and his friends were inspired to create an experience for their sons, akin to the journey a boy took to become a knight. This book shares their story, examples of what they did, and ways that you could do the same. Wow. What a powerful, life changing moment that really can be so simple.
There is nothing more satisfying than knowing your purpose in life and that someone believes in you. If only every young man could have such an experience. Dad’s, uncles, grandfathers, pastors, youth pastor’s, read this book and be inspired to change a young man’s life. To give him direction, a code of conduct, a mission to fight, and a cause to fight for. I’m thankful Robert Lewis and his friends were inspired to guide their sons into men of integrity. I pray all men will be equally inspired. Highly recommended.
There is nothing more satisfying than knowing your purpose in life and that someone believes in you. If only every young man could have such an experience. Dad’s, uncles, grandfathers, pastors, youth pastor’s, read this book and be inspired to change a young man’s life. To give him direction, a code of conduct, a mission to fight, and a cause to fight for. I’m thankful Robert Lewis and his friends were inspired to guide their sons into men of integrity. I pray all men will be equally inspired. Highly recommended.
August 4, 2017
This is a fantastic book! Mom's do not be afraid to read just because it says for fathers. It pertains to us too!. Loved it and will read it again...krb 5/17
March 7, 2022
I am utterly shocked. Anybody finding inspiration in this load of crap, needs to see a therapist.
It starts like this:
"Here's why you need this book: our culture is in deep trouble and at the heart of its trouble it's its loss of a vision of manhood. If it's difficult for you and me as adult males to maintain our masculine balance in this gender neutral culture, imagine what it must be like for our young sons who are growing up in an increasingly feminised world".
Then it proceeds to say that boys need to have ceremonies/rights of passage to manhood and celebrate their masculinity which is being smothered by feminism. And be "proud to have a son".
Also apparently, nobody knows what a man is and they need their people to explain to them.
And by the way, and I quote "a man is the head of the woman".
Knights are the example the writer teaches his son, who took boys as squires since 13 and used them to fetch them things and later taught them how to fight. While of course teaching the bible throughout the whole book.
The only mention of a gay person is someone who, oh what a disgrace!, believes he was born this way, (which of course can't be true because the good Lord wouldn't create someone like that). And of course he died of aids..
Let's see, what else..? 🤔
Oh, yes! Men being passive to things is because when Eva gave Adam the apple, who was present at her conversation with the snake by the way), did nothing. Yes people, learn it! This is why men are passive. Because they were born with the sin.. Thankfully, Jesus, the second Adam as per the writer, came to show what it means to be a man.
The worst of all? (Besides it being written not in 1800, but two decades ago) The constant mention of affirming your son to his manhood. This is exactly why men become stalkers and killers of their girlfriends/wives. Because they lost validation of their wonderful masculinity and their "manly" nature makes them act. And all the above is only half way in the book.
This book is dangerous.
It starts like this:
"Here's why you need this book: our culture is in deep trouble and at the heart of its trouble it's its loss of a vision of manhood. If it's difficult for you and me as adult males to maintain our masculine balance in this gender neutral culture, imagine what it must be like for our young sons who are growing up in an increasingly feminised world".
Then it proceeds to say that boys need to have ceremonies/rights of passage to manhood and celebrate their masculinity which is being smothered by feminism. And be "proud to have a son".
Also apparently, nobody knows what a man is and they need their people to explain to them.
And by the way, and I quote "a man is the head of the woman".
Knights are the example the writer teaches his son, who took boys as squires since 13 and used them to fetch them things and later taught them how to fight. While of course teaching the bible throughout the whole book.
The only mention of a gay person is someone who, oh what a disgrace!, believes he was born this way, (which of course can't be true because the good Lord wouldn't create someone like that). And of course he died of aids..
Let's see, what else..? 🤔
Oh, yes! Men being passive to things is because when Eva gave Adam the apple, who was present at her conversation with the snake by the way), did nothing. Yes people, learn it! This is why men are passive. Because they were born with the sin.. Thankfully, Jesus, the second Adam as per the writer, came to show what it means to be a man.
The worst of all? (Besides it being written not in 1800, but two decades ago) The constant mention of affirming your son to his manhood. This is exactly why men become stalkers and killers of their girlfriends/wives. Because they lost validation of their wonderful masculinity and their "manly" nature makes them act. And all the above is only half way in the book.
This book is dangerous.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 7, 2020
Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis is essentially a dad's guide to walking his son into manhood. Two of the major components in the book are a "community of men" and meaningful rites of passage. The author encourages a dad to surround himself and his son with a group of men who will be a part of the boy’s life through maturity, encouraging him and teaching him along the way. The section on ceremonies or rites of passage contains a myriad of examples about when and how to celebrate significant moments in a boy's childhood as he passes to the next stage. Since the book is written to an audience of Western readers who have largely not experienced the kind of ceremonies detailed here, these examples are very helpful.
.
I didn't like the book in structure because it was a lot of words to say very little. Rites of passage are lovely. Our 4 boys have one when they are old enough to get their scuba license. But the entire premise of the book and the surrounding messages are set on patriarchal norms.
As a mother of boys, I am bothered that the view of masculinity presented in this book is bravado and war. Men are providers and protectors and women are their beneficiaries. I disagree. I think men AND women are called to provide and protect one another, and that they are designed to be in equal partnership. Per masculinity: Brene Brown's research shows that in men, the fear of being perceived as weak has caused a cascade of harm: shame, inability to establish reciprocal relationships, emotional "deadness." I think this book feeds that dysfunction also known as toxic masculinity.
.
I didn't like the book in structure because it was a lot of words to say very little. Rites of passage are lovely. Our 4 boys have one when they are old enough to get their scuba license. But the entire premise of the book and the surrounding messages are set on patriarchal norms.
As a mother of boys, I am bothered that the view of masculinity presented in this book is bravado and war. Men are providers and protectors and women are their beneficiaries. I disagree. I think men AND women are called to provide and protect one another, and that they are designed to be in equal partnership. Per masculinity: Brene Brown's research shows that in men, the fear of being perceived as weak has caused a cascade of harm: shame, inability to establish reciprocal relationships, emotional "deadness." I think this book feeds that dysfunction also known as toxic masculinity.
October 14, 2011
Great book on the qualities of real men and how to help instill those qualities in boys as they grow up. Not only great for the men and fathers who are the intended audience, but great for young women like myself who also need to know what true manhood looks like in order to discern wisely for future marriages. Really, this book should be helpful for everyone, since in our confused society we all need to understand what a real man is, and what boys need in order to become one.
March 9, 2015
I wasn't going to waste any time or effort on writing anything about this travesty of a guide to raising a son, but since I agree strongly with two of the 2-star reviewers (though I feel they were overly generous with their ratings), I "liked" them and would urge anyone pondering reading this book to check them out first: Greg Harriman's review posted 7/5/13 and especially Taylor's review posted 8/15/13.
April 8, 2011
Great book about how to raise boys modeled off the mentoring process of becoming a knight along with biblical principles. Written for dads, but a good read for mothers as well who play an important supporting role in the process.
July 5, 2013
I really thought this book would provide more biblically-based advice on how to guide a "boy" to "manhood" but it just became more and more creepy as I read stories about ceremonies to mark manhood milestones. Would not recommend!
January 10, 2015
The very best thing this book did for me was to intentional with my children in the truths of the faith and who they are in Gods eyes. That my kids need markers along the way. They need their manhood/womanhood affirmed one day.
February 25, 2016
I will say the *ideas* of coming-of-age ceremonies, strong mentorship, the need for connection to our parents, and inspiring children to find purpose to their life is sound.
The rest...I'll just take what works for us and leave the anti-feminist, gender-limiting stereotyping behind.
The rest...I'll just take what works for us and leave the anti-feminist, gender-limiting stereotyping behind.
July 2, 2016
Good - quick read. Having rituals for our sons to pass into manhood is a lost art. Lewis does a great job with the call to action to start making investments in our sons.
January 24, 2023
3.5. If you’re familiar with Mens Frat or the 33 Series (I spent years in these programs, was blessed tremendously by them, and have since used them in ministry) you’ll find much of the same content, albeit in an earlier form. Here a very similar 4 point definition of manhood is given, which is so very helpful. This is near the top of best books I’ve read regarding raising sons specifically to be men. The thoughts around ceremonies, or “mile markers” as I like to call them, was helpful. Many of his personal examples were also helpful and showed that his work here is not hypothetical, it’s been worked out several times and proved to be effective. All of these books tend to miss in one are or the other, and this book is not without its faults. Still, I’m thankful for this books serious approach towards stewarding our sons development into godly men, and have been helped in my own planning for how to best raise my son.
May 11, 2023
Yet another book my dad lended me. When he read it I was only 3 years old so I guess the book worked. I find my father to be my hero and at 24 years old I haven’t caught him slipping. He has kept hero status since I was a kid. I just started my masters program in teaching because of him too. Dads are great and the glory of sons is their fathers. This book has shown me what a biblical man looks like and it relates that well to knighthood. I love when the author backs up his claims with evidence from the Bible or great men of history that happen to be Christians.
January 29, 2020
If you are Christian father with a son and are determined to be intentional with the responsibility of raising your son to follow God and be a man, then this book will provide some great challenges and insight. If you are not any of those things, this might not be the parenting book for you.
November 11, 2025
Every Christian father or Christian man that desires to be a father of sons should read this heartfelt book. Take notes and take it to heart. Sons rely on their fathers to show them how to be a man.
February 23, 2020
Must read for Father's of boys!
April 9, 2022
Raising a Modern-Day Knight: Reading Lewis’ personal testimonies and practical examples provides a great resource with which to raise young men. With the fatherhood crisis in our nation, our culture pushes back on the role, but I want to encourage men to be who God has called them to be and lovingly shepherd those entrusted into their care.
August 15, 2013
The author's larger point about being proactive and 'strategic' fathers (of sons) is well taken, and there are lots of good practical suggestions to help raise boys into 'authentic' men.
I found the book disppointing in its specifics. Tying his methods to scripture was a bit of a stretch for Lewis. Interpreting God's voice at Jesus' baptism as one of affirmation and encouragment for his son before he began his public ministry seems like questionable exegesis (though I'm no theologian). Are there any Bible commentators that present that view? Similarly, his emphasis on 'manhood ceremonies' are nowhere taught in Scripture. Interestingly, Lewis chooses to ignore (or perhaps is unaware of) the many ceremonies practiced by the Church that mark similar milestones in the lives of children: confirmation, first communion, church membership etc. Perhaps he avoids those more traditional ceremonies because their association with Roman Catholicism wrankles his Baptist sensibilities (despite their inclusion in many Protestant traditions). If that's the case, then one has to wonder if he knows that the knighthood he built his program upon was itself a part of the Roman Church.
The book goes too far with its prescriptions with too little scriptural support. Good ideas are presented, but that's what they are: ideas. Suggestions. The doom predicted if Lewis' steps aren't followed is not as horrible as he implies. Raise your sons (and daughters) in the grace of God's covenant. Expose them to the preached Word, and to the Lord's Supper (when appropriate). Pray for them. Trust God.
I found the book disppointing in its specifics. Tying his methods to scripture was a bit of a stretch for Lewis. Interpreting God's voice at Jesus' baptism as one of affirmation and encouragment for his son before he began his public ministry seems like questionable exegesis (though I'm no theologian). Are there any Bible commentators that present that view? Similarly, his emphasis on 'manhood ceremonies' are nowhere taught in Scripture. Interestingly, Lewis chooses to ignore (or perhaps is unaware of) the many ceremonies practiced by the Church that mark similar milestones in the lives of children: confirmation, first communion, church membership etc. Perhaps he avoids those more traditional ceremonies because their association with Roman Catholicism wrankles his Baptist sensibilities (despite their inclusion in many Protestant traditions). If that's the case, then one has to wonder if he knows that the knighthood he built his program upon was itself a part of the Roman Church.
The book goes too far with its prescriptions with too little scriptural support. Good ideas are presented, but that's what they are: ideas. Suggestions. The doom predicted if Lewis' steps aren't followed is not as horrible as he implies. Raise your sons (and daughters) in the grace of God's covenant. Expose them to the preached Word, and to the Lord's Supper (when appropriate). Pray for them. Trust God.
October 21, 2011
I enjoyed the themes in this book very much. I think it present Biblical manhood without trying too hard to be macho or overstate the point. The focus on explicitly teaching concepts is welcome advice, and the concept of having ceremonies to mark important stages is certainly one to consider. The tone is challenging without being aggressive, and I would give the overall themes of the book five stars.
However, there are two things that take the book down a notch. For one, he urges men to build a strong network that will provide for accountability, encouragement, and support. This is much easier said than done. In the time that has passed since he began his friendship with the men in his circle, time and culture have made it more difficult for men to form tight bonds. The second issue I have is that there is more must go into a father/son relationship for all the training and ceremony to truly take hold. Admittedly, that could be covered outside of this book, but I still think that there is some foundational work that must be done for these lessons to have the impact he describes.
Still, I appreciated this book and hope to use it as I'm training my son.
However, there are two things that take the book down a notch. For one, he urges men to build a strong network that will provide for accountability, encouragement, and support. This is much easier said than done. In the time that has passed since he began his friendship with the men in his circle, time and culture have made it more difficult for men to form tight bonds. The second issue I have is that there is more must go into a father/son relationship for all the training and ceremony to truly take hold. Admittedly, that could be covered outside of this book, but I still think that there is some foundational work that must be done for these lessons to have the impact he describes.
Still, I appreciated this book and hope to use it as I'm training my son.
October 8, 2010
I think that every father needs to read this book and to see what has become of our sons today. The book talks about how there is no real ceremony and no real way for sons to know that they have become men. The author plans ceremonies with other friends and influenticial people in the sons lives and leads by example. There were several great quotes as well. One about families use to rely on community to help reinfornce home values and now it seems to go deliberalty against family values.I am thinking about giving this book to our church pastor to see about the mens group using it. I also plan to give to close friends with boys.
January 16, 2016
This book was quite disappointing. I was expecting some good biblical principles to help train my son in biblical manhood. There are some Bible references throughout the book, but for the most part they are simply used to prooftext his conception of what a true man looks like based on the example of ancient knighthood. However, I do appreciate the author's intentionality to set a goal for the values he wanted his sons to have when they became men, and the creativity to help them meet those goals.
August 16, 2012
I am still reading and Greg will be reading this week. This is a quick read but a book we will need to own so that we can refer back to it on a regular basis. Written by Fathers for Fathers who wish to help their sons discover the path from boyhood to manhood with honor, ceremony, purpose, scriptural understanding. This book is brilliant, warm, inviting and manly. Thank God for another great tool to have in the toolbox of raising our boys into Godly men.
July 7, 2013
Great book. It brought tears to my eyes about my own childhood and underscored both my duty to raise my sons and my startling lack of knowledge or preparation on how to do that. I highly recommend this one to every dad and every son out there.
I was also stricken by the power of ceremony and rites of passage and their nearly complete absence in modern America. We have fallen so far away and don't even realize it.
May God save us from ourselves.
I was also stricken by the power of ceremony and rites of passage and their nearly complete absence in modern America. We have fallen so far away and don't even realize it.
May God save us from ourselves.
August 3, 2015
This is an excellent book detailing how to raise a boy to become a man, following in the example of Jesus Christ. It shows intentional steps one can take to facilitate this process.
It is also a very challenging book, because regardless of what a parent says, it is the example set by a parent that children typically follow. So, I must follow Christ's example if I want my son to also follow Christ's example.
It is also a very challenging book, because regardless of what a parent says, it is the example set by a parent that children typically follow. So, I must follow Christ's example if I want my son to also follow Christ's example.
June 26, 2009
I read it for Joel and gave him the cliff notes!!!
August 6, 2012
This book Opened my eyes to a need in christian america today. I would recommend it to any man with children or, thinking of having children. Be ready to be challenged.
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