"how much i have grown to hate, but i know still to love. it lingers the greatest in my memory."
first proper read of 2026 and, i think, nothing will top it. what a wonderful, painful, beautiful, hopeful book.
i want to say things about it. i want to express what i felt reading it, but it feels impossible to do so. the words escape me!!
there is a quote, towards the end of the book, that says "at the end of the world, hate was all they had.", which ive been thinking about non-stop. the nihilistic part of me latched onto it. the sentence is placed perfectly, right in the middle of all the evil and unfairness the book tells about. even at the end of the world, people cared more about killing each other than the death of the earth. but! that is not the point!! the point is later, in the aftermath. the point is people still celebrating in the ruins of hate. the point is "i love you! i'll find you! stay there!"
i truly wish i had more to say than that. i loved the book so much. i was so scared i wouldnt. im always scared of the things i like. but i truly have no words to express how good it was... i think the greatest thing about it is that it tells about humanity. it tells about humanity, and it tells about struggle, and war, pain and imperfection but it also tells about love, about grief and nostalgia and regret. if i had to say one thing about this book is that it is human.
so, at the end of everything, i can only say i love you. if the greatest sin is love im glad i get to experience the pain of it