Planning to write a full review later, but this book is really good! I was following the author on tiktok for awhile and got the book as soon as it came out and i definitely don’t regret it.
Song on repeat while reading: Tired, Beabadoobee 🎵
Some of my favorite quotes:
“Was it possible the sun could offer something besides gentle, simmering rays of foolish summer? Because in reality, even the sun wasn’t just bright and warm—it was scorching hot, waiting to burn anyone who got close enough. The sun would cup its hands to whisper a secret, and you would sit there and take it as its fingers burned through your face, just hoping that what you might hear would make those scars worth it. “ (Pg. 90)
“At that moment, I would have chosen him to come with me over any gift in the world.” (Pg. 139)
“‘Jesus Christ you come from everywhere!’ ‘And from nowhere.’” (Pg. 154)
“But he said my name so softly that I didn’t even care if he meant it.” (Pg. 172)
“You know, I think if I’m still sad and lonely by the time I’m thirty, I’ll marry him.” (Pg. 200)
“I never told you this, but I began visiting Babushka’s dacha every possible moment, hoping it would feel the same when you were here.” (Pg. 208)
“I didn’t like summers anymore. I didn’t know if I liked you anymore either. I hated myself for even thinking of hating the idea of him.” (Pg. 209)
“God I missed you a lot. I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it because I’ll say it every time just because I can. Even if we were back there, I’d send letters saying it, cassette tapes with songs saying it, if I knew it was possible I’d save every birthday money, every stupid penny I earned babysitting a stupid mean eight year old cunt and every payout from selling music, and use it to make calls to tell you I miss you.” (Pg. 351)
“And you still do that thing where you stop writing and search the dictionary for hours for a stupidly over the top word, hoping it’s finally the one that can explain, even if just a little, of what you mean because you don’t want to go into detail about it yourself.” (Pg. 437) *oof this one hurts*
“Because of you, I think I became pretty good at reading between the lines.” “You don’t deserve to read in between lines.” (Pg. 437)
“I wrote because it was the only option, you wrote because it’s the easier one.” (Pg. 439)