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Let's Play Doctor: The Instant Guide To Walking, Talking, and Probing Like a Real M.D.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Your purchase of this book means that the admissions committee has thoroughly reviewed your application and we are pleased to welcome you to the Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine.*
*A not quite fully accredited institution
Let’s Play Doctor is your instant guide to becoming a Real Fake Doctor. At the Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine, we offer an informative, immersive, and incredibly entertaining course of study that will give you the special skills needed to get your M.D. on! By following the lessons in Let’s Play Doctor, you’ll learn:
• Special mental exercises to give yourself that buff, bulging Doctor brain
• How to impress your peers with big, polysyllabic, esoteric medical lingo (can you say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis?)
• Easy ways to diagnose your girlfriend’s goiter or your father’s fistula
• Do-it-yourself surgeries from hemorrhoidectomy to breast enlargement
• And, most important, how to craft a completely believable, official-sounding get-out-of-work-for-medical-reasons note
Tuition? Just $14.95. Enroll today! It’s time to play doctor!
Your purchase of this book means that the admissions committee has thoroughly reviewed your application and we are pleased to welcome you to the Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine.*
*A not quite fully accredited institution
Let’s Play Doctor is your instant guide to becoming a Real Fake Doctor. At the Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine, we offer an informative, immersive, and incredibly entertaining course of study that will give you the special skills needed to get your M.D. on! By following the lessons in Let’s Play Doctor, you’ll learn:
• Special mental exercises to give yourself that buff, bulging Doctor brain
• How to impress your peers with big, polysyllabic, esoteric medical lingo (can you say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis?)
• Easy ways to diagnose your girlfriend’s goiter or your father’s fistula
• Do-it-yourself surgeries from hemorrhoidectomy to breast enlargement
• And, most important, how to craft a completely believable, official-sounding get-out-of-work-for-medical-reasons note
Tuition? Just $14.95. Enroll today! It’s time to play doctor!
206 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
3 people are currently reading
141 people want to read
About the author
Mark Leyner
28 books337 followersMark Leyner is an American postmodernist author known for his surreal, high-energy prose, absurd humor, and densely layered narratives. A graduate of Brandeis University and the University of Colorado, Leyner studied under postmodernist Steve Katz and launched his literary career with the short story collection I Smell Esther Williams (1983). He gained a cult following with My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist (1990) and Et Tu, Babe (1992), and continued to experiment with metafiction in novels like The Tetherballs of Bougainville and The Sugar Frosted Nutsack. His writing is characterized by sprawling imagery, extravagant vocabulary, and a wild mix of pop culture, medicine, and satire. Leyner’s nonfiction collaborations with Dr. Billy Goldberg, including Why Do Men Have Nipples?, became bestsellers that blended comedy and real medical facts. He has also worked as a columnist for Esquire and George, written for MTV’s Liquid Television, and co-authored the screenplay for War, Inc.. A lifelong innovator, Leyner has remained a singular voice in American fiction. His more recent books include Gone with the Mind, Last Orgy of the Divine Hermit, and the 2024 retrospective A Shimmering, Serrated Monster!: The Mark Leyner Reader. He lives in New Jersey and continues to influence readers and writers with his singular, genre-defying style.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
July 31, 2021
What a fun way to look at medicine
If you want to become a doctor, then this is not the guide book to read. In fact, you should really go to a proper medical school and earn a medical license and stuff. If you want to read a book about medicine or life as a doctor, still, this is probably not the go-to book. But if you want to read about the funny side of medicine, now that’s what this book is for.
This is the 3rd book in the series after “Why Do Men Have Nipples?” and “Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?”. And this time around the authors, Mark Leyner and Dr. Billy Golberg, guide us through their own version of medical school from the beginning of the class until graduation (at the very last chapter).
In between, they teach us a lot of things. Some are very useful but shouldn’t really be implemented without, you know, a legal license, such as the do-it-yourself step by step guidance from rhinoplasty to tracheostomy, hemorrhoidectomy, tonsillectomy, appendectomy, to root canal, leg amputation, lung-heart transplant, liver transplant, even sex change operation, embalming, breast enlargement, and removing a brain tumor.
Some are applicable, such as the favourite food of geniuses from Mozart to Einstein, and the information/suggestion that “we tend to have orgasms with the right side of our brain. [So] start by reading a college algebra or trigonometry book while masturbating.” While others are information that I have absolutely no idea how to use, such as the presence of more than two testicles is called polyorchidism. Riiight.
But don’t think that this book is all jokes and can’t get serious. Because the book is also filled with Q&A sessions with questions from real doctors, horror stories of malpractices, and testimonials from Dr. Billy’s most embarrassing moments as a doctor. Ok fine, they’re all bizarre and hilarious.
Moreover, the book also covers what at first seem like unrelated matters with medicine, but you’ll be surprised. Matters such as the best magazines to be put in YOUR practice’s waiting room (it is after all a book that teaches you how to become a doctor), the fact that Mao never brushes his teeth and only gargle his mouth with tea, Aristotle Onassis upholstered the bar stool in his yacht with whale penis leather, and many stories like that one doctor who perform his own vasectomy (aided by his wife, which happens to be a nurse), and my favourite dude, that “employee of the month” guy who stapled his own scrotum after an accident and continued to work.
Anyway, curious about the magazine list they suggest for YOUR practice’s waiting room? Here’s a snippet of them: Bite Me (about vampires), Prison Living Magazine (about, well, prison living), and D-cup (take a wild guess). And their mini explanation about why the magazines should be there, are just pure gold.
If you want to become a doctor, then this is not the guide book to read. In fact, you should really go to a proper medical school and earn a medical license and stuff. If you want to read a book about medicine or life as a doctor, still, this is probably not the go-to book. But if you want to read about the funny side of medicine, now that’s what this book is for.
This is the 3rd book in the series after “Why Do Men Have Nipples?” and “Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?”. And this time around the authors, Mark Leyner and Dr. Billy Golberg, guide us through their own version of medical school from the beginning of the class until graduation (at the very last chapter).
In between, they teach us a lot of things. Some are very useful but shouldn’t really be implemented without, you know, a legal license, such as the do-it-yourself step by step guidance from rhinoplasty to tracheostomy, hemorrhoidectomy, tonsillectomy, appendectomy, to root canal, leg amputation, lung-heart transplant, liver transplant, even sex change operation, embalming, breast enlargement, and removing a brain tumor.
Some are applicable, such as the favourite food of geniuses from Mozart to Einstein, and the information/suggestion that “we tend to have orgasms with the right side of our brain. [So] start by reading a college algebra or trigonometry book while masturbating.” While others are information that I have absolutely no idea how to use, such as the presence of more than two testicles is called polyorchidism. Riiight.
But don’t think that this book is all jokes and can’t get serious. Because the book is also filled with Q&A sessions with questions from real doctors, horror stories of malpractices, and testimonials from Dr. Billy’s most embarrassing moments as a doctor. Ok fine, they’re all bizarre and hilarious.
Moreover, the book also covers what at first seem like unrelated matters with medicine, but you’ll be surprised. Matters such as the best magazines to be put in YOUR practice’s waiting room (it is after all a book that teaches you how to become a doctor), the fact that Mao never brushes his teeth and only gargle his mouth with tea, Aristotle Onassis upholstered the bar stool in his yacht with whale penis leather, and many stories like that one doctor who perform his own vasectomy (aided by his wife, which happens to be a nurse), and my favourite dude, that “employee of the month” guy who stapled his own scrotum after an accident and continued to work.
Anyway, curious about the magazine list they suggest for YOUR practice’s waiting room? Here’s a snippet of them: Bite Me (about vampires), Prison Living Magazine (about, well, prison living), and D-cup (take a wild guess). And their mini explanation about why the magazines should be there, are just pure gold.
November 3, 2025
This is a combination of a medical book and a humor book. I enjoyed the medical parts. It was like a trivia book to see how many medical facts I knew (--by the way, most of them.) The humor was good and occasional. The most annoying word in the book was "nipples," as in, The Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine.
January 11, 2018
“How do I know if I’m smart enough to be a doctor? Well…uh… you bought this book, right? No offense, but that kinda answers the question.”
I have never been roasted so hard by a book.
That aside, I really enjoyed this! I will say, I think you can only fully appreciate this book if you are in the healthcare field, studying it, or aspiring to study it. The book continuously refers to the ‘reader’ as any average person not in the health profession, probably one who is reading this book on the toilet or in the car in between errands. While I have no doubt that that profile may fit many of those who read this book and will in the future, I must admit that if I was not in the health profession I don’t think I would ever be able to give a book like this above 2 stars. It falls into that strange genre between fiction and nonfiction that’s not really self-help, and I normally never pick up books like these as I generally view them as a waste of my time - The Book of Awesome, for example, comes to mind. However, due to my experiences and aspirations within the healthcare field I found this to be a well-executed book.
This is a relatively short book, but even the shortest of books can be tedious. I liked how each chapter has its own ‘theme’ that varied greatly from the previous and next, so the book never seemed repetitive. I thought it was organized well, as it’s not easy to make a book like this that provides a limited variety and amount of content read well. I particularly enjoyed the reflections on having been a med school student that were interspersed throughout the story regardless of the chapter, which - once again- are better appreciated if you’ve been through some sort of health-related schooling yourself. I found myself relating to and laughing along with most of the experiences mentioned in this story as a result of my own. From the smell of formaldehyde, to being so nervous at checking your first patient that you forget how to put on a stethoscope properly, to the first catheterization experience… it’s all here and it’s all so nostalgic to reminisce about.
I did not expect to read this book in order to become more prepared for med school and I did not complete it feeling that way - if those are your expectations, pick up an MCAT book instead. However, I was genuinely surprised at how well certain aspects of being an MD were occasionally described in this book! For example, using patient narratives to improve healthcare practice is a relatively recent trend that has enormously positive implications for the practice, and individualized care is something medical students and nursing students alike are taught to no end, and for good reason - it is extremely important. The following passage surprisingly summarized the importance of both:
I really did not expect to see actual quality healthcare-related writing in this book, but there it was! The occurrences are by far outnumbered by silly jokes and random health-related trivia, which is no surprise, but it was still nice and unexpected to have passages like this at all. There was some good advice to be taken from this, amidst the laughs. Make no mistake, these authors do not take themselves seriously except for once in a while throughout the book when they’re not making a joke, but I’m not one to complain about a good time.
I was also a big fan of the health trivia that was presented. There are some basics that can usefully be applied to many different contexts, such as the difference between dorsal and ventral. There were a lot of interesting facts I had never previously known as well, and I’ve taken my share of health and biology courses. In addition to teaching the readers some of the basic foundations and bizarre fun facts, there is also a lot of more specific yet applicable knowledge, like a fun mnemonic for the cranial nerves (‘An Old Olympus Towering Tops, A Fat-Ass German Viewed Some Hops’) and a very brief introduction to Henry Gray, the MD behind Gray’s Anatomy and the importance of his book.
I will be keeping this book on my shelf to return to when I read a lighthearted read. Take it for what it’s worth, and you may be surprised.
I have never been roasted so hard by a book.
That aside, I really enjoyed this! I will say, I think you can only fully appreciate this book if you are in the healthcare field, studying it, or aspiring to study it. The book continuously refers to the ‘reader’ as any average person not in the health profession, probably one who is reading this book on the toilet or in the car in between errands. While I have no doubt that that profile may fit many of those who read this book and will in the future, I must admit that if I was not in the health profession I don’t think I would ever be able to give a book like this above 2 stars. It falls into that strange genre between fiction and nonfiction that’s not really self-help, and I normally never pick up books like these as I generally view them as a waste of my time - The Book of Awesome, for example, comes to mind. However, due to my experiences and aspirations within the healthcare field I found this to be a well-executed book.
This is a relatively short book, but even the shortest of books can be tedious. I liked how each chapter has its own ‘theme’ that varied greatly from the previous and next, so the book never seemed repetitive. I thought it was organized well, as it’s not easy to make a book like this that provides a limited variety and amount of content read well. I particularly enjoyed the reflections on having been a med school student that were interspersed throughout the story regardless of the chapter, which - once again- are better appreciated if you’ve been through some sort of health-related schooling yourself. I found myself relating to and laughing along with most of the experiences mentioned in this story as a result of my own. From the smell of formaldehyde, to being so nervous at checking your first patient that you forget how to put on a stethoscope properly, to the first catheterization experience… it’s all here and it’s all so nostalgic to reminisce about.
I did not expect to read this book in order to become more prepared for med school and I did not complete it feeling that way - if those are your expectations, pick up an MCAT book instead. However, I was genuinely surprised at how well certain aspects of being an MD were occasionally described in this book! For example, using patient narratives to improve healthcare practice is a relatively recent trend that has enormously positive implications for the practice, and individualized care is something medical students and nursing students alike are taught to no end, and for good reason - it is extremely important. The following passage surprisingly summarized the importance of both:
“Patients trust their doctors and enjoy sharing their stories with them. In the medical field, we are privileged to have unique access into people’s lives, but there are limits and you must try to anticipate and respect each individual patient’s threshold for privacy.”
I really did not expect to see actual quality healthcare-related writing in this book, but there it was! The occurrences are by far outnumbered by silly jokes and random health-related trivia, which is no surprise, but it was still nice and unexpected to have passages like this at all. There was some good advice to be taken from this, amidst the laughs. Make no mistake, these authors do not take themselves seriously except for once in a while throughout the book when they’re not making a joke, but I’m not one to complain about a good time.
I was also a big fan of the health trivia that was presented. There are some basics that can usefully be applied to many different contexts, such as the difference between dorsal and ventral. There were a lot of interesting facts I had never previously known as well, and I’ve taken my share of health and biology courses. In addition to teaching the readers some of the basic foundations and bizarre fun facts, there is also a lot of more specific yet applicable knowledge, like a fun mnemonic for the cranial nerves (‘An Old Olympus Towering Tops, A Fat-Ass German Viewed Some Hops’) and a very brief introduction to Henry Gray, the MD behind Gray’s Anatomy and the importance of his book.
I will be keeping this book on my shelf to return to when I read a lighthearted read. Take it for what it’s worth, and you may be surprised.
March 31, 2009
I'd give this book a 1.5 actually- okay it is light-hearted, there are some parts that are trying to be funny- I think I don't appreciate this book as much since I am in the medical field, so it wasn't that interesting to me. I liked his other 2 books much, much more (Why do men have nipples & Why do men fall asleep after sex).
December 23, 2008
I've never read anything quite like this -- self-absorbed and self-congratualtory, but unique in that there is some genuine medical advice scattered within this juvenile text. Smart and goofy, like Mel Brooks on a page.
March 18, 2009
Still a very entertaining read but not as entertaining as its two predecessors. Why Do Men Have Nipples? & Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Having Sex?. But there is an oath and a diploma when you finish the book.
February 16, 2009
A light-hearted, quirky way to gain a small glimpse into the large world of information that medical practioners learn posed in an anecdotal, frat-guy style that helps to disguise the value of the bits of medical information tucked in between the humour.
December 4, 2009
I picked this up from the University Bookstore thinking it would be one of those books I could read a couple of pages here and there when I was eating on campus...but it is reads like a 15 year old wrote it...it was Horrible, no wait...it was worse, it was EL HORRIBLE!
January 23, 2010
This book was terrible. The authors think they are hilarious but they really aren't. The only reason I finished the book was because I had read the first two in the series.
May 13, 2010
This is just a compendium of stupid body jokes that most of us already know, such as "Tell everyone you need to micturate!" e.g., you have to pee. Ultimately this was a boring book.
July 19, 2011
It was fun, but nevertheless failed to be as good as the previous books of these two authors.
January 3, 2013
It was okay, but not nearly up-to-par with the previous two books by these authors. Still had some funny parts and quirky information, though.
November 11, 2013
Just not the usual book from these guys. The humor has slipped in my opinion. Almost like slap-stick. Read the first two these wrote together and stop there.
September 29, 2015
Stupid book.
April 25, 2021
Silly can be celebrated, but this excursion into medical jargon and training misadventures seems to try too hard.
March 11, 2025
2.75⭐️ quirky book, didn’t really know what to expect but it was ok I guess, I thought I’d breeze thru it but didn’t really keep me that entertained.
April 19, 2009
Not as funny as their previous books, but still somewhat humorous.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews