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HBR's 10 Must Reads On Emotional Intelligence
In his defining work on emotional intelligence, bestselling author Daniel Goleman found that it is twice as important as other competencies in determining outstanding leadership.
If you read nothing else on emotional intelligence, read these 10 articles by experts in the field. We’ve combed through hundreds of articles in the Harvard Business Review archive and selected the most important ones to help you boost your emotional skills—and your professional success.
This book will inspire you
• Monitor and channel your moods and emotions
• Make smart, empathetic people decisions
• Manage conflict and regulate emotions within your team
• React to tough situations with resilience
• Better understand your strengths, weaknesses, needs, values, and goals
• Develop emotional agility
If you read nothing else on emotional intelligence, read these 10 articles by experts in the field. We’ve combed through hundreds of articles in the Harvard Business Review archive and selected the most important ones to help you boost your emotional skills—and your professional success.
This book will inspire you
• Monitor and channel your moods and emotions
• Make smart, empathetic people decisions
• Manage conflict and regulate emotions within your team
• React to tough situations with resilience
• Better understand your strengths, weaknesses, needs, values, and goals
• Develop emotional agility
178 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 14, 2015
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December 4, 2025
This compact volume contains 10 articles on EI intended as a primer for those new to the subject matter -- published in 2013, it includes some items that were actually quite old at the time (published in 1996, for example)
1. What Makes a Leader? by Daniel Goleman (1996)
2. Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee (2001)
In the first article, Goleman resents the theme of the book: emotional intelligence is the most important skill for leaders, and while some of these are innate, they can all be learned or improved through coaching and attention. He details the overarching groups of skills from an emotional intelligence perspective successful leaders:
Key to all understanding is taking inventory of one's values, goals, strengths and weaknesses to determine a strategy for change and self-improvement. Learning new habits is difficult -- so it must include honest self-assessment and feedback from others, along with a plan and alternatives to supplant the undesired/existing patterns.
The second article dives into a bit more detail about how a leader serves as a "limbic attractor" -- setting the mood for the entire team in terms of outlook, perception and motivation. Nobody wants to work for a grouchy jerk -- and negativity from the top isn't just bad for team performance, it can infect the entire team or organization and create a toxic environment.
"High levels of emotional intelligence, our research showed, create climates in which information sharing, trust, healthy risk-taking, and learning flourish." (p 24). An upbeat environment "fosters mental efficiency" and results in better decisions, as well as financial performance.
As with the first article -- the way to identify and make changes is through 360-feedback (in all domains of one's life), identify your values and goals ("Who do you want to be?") and devise a plan for closing the gap. The article dives into a bit more neuroscience about how humans, as social animals, have an "open loop" system that means we match moods to those around us. Further, while most temperaments are set by the mid-20s, you can change those habits -- or "fake it til you make it"
"The more we act a certain way—be it happy, depressed, or cranky—the more the behavior becomes ingrained in our brain circuitry, and the more we will continue to feel and act that way." (p 36).
This is why, the authors argue, it is so important to have a "learning agenda" -- something that you can hold yourself to as we literally don't have the brain power to make changes without it. Holding yourself accountable works for so many things -- think about New Year's resolutions or the power of making changes for weight loss or smoking with a buddy or group that holds you accountable. Neuroscience is showing that we can change even those things we thought were indelibly imprinted on our own brains -- if we really want to do so, it requires self-awareness, a plan and support from those around us.
This first pair of articles are the precursors to the very excellent "Primal Leadership" (first published 2002, revised 2013).
3. Why It’s So Hard to Be Fair by Joel Brockner (2006)
Emotional intelligence is critical to change management -- this article examines the importance of "process fairness" in strengthening performance and reducing risk. This is different from "outcome fairness" -- and is driven by three key factors: 1) how much input do employees feel they have in the decision-making process? Are their needs and input valued? 2) Do employees believe that decisions are implemented fairly and with consistency and with accurate data? Can mistakes be corrected? Are plans shared in advance so that employees can have time to absorb, ask questions and adjust? 3) Finally, how do managers treat employees in this process? Do they share information, listen respectfully and answer questions?
The steps for establishing process fairness start with education and training. Help managers understand the impact of emotions on their organization -- you can't just avoid talking to people about the reasons behind a layoff because you feel guilty about it, you have to step up and share information in a truthful and transparent way. Even when managers do consider input from employees -- that's not enough if they aren't articulating how the input was valued or considered against all other data. The team wants to feel heard and considered.
Employee engagement is an ever increasing priority for companies -- a critical part of that is sharing information and including them in the decision-making process. This engagement drives the performance and directly impacts a company's bottom-line.
4. Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions by Andrew Campbell, Jo Whitehead, and Sydney Finkelstein (2009)
Even good leaders can make bad decisions - and that's often a result of making decisions in a silo without feedback or data. Leaders -- and all people -- make decisions at a deeply unconscious level through pattern recognition and with a process called "emotional tagging." This may prevent us from, say, stepping in front of a bus -- but it can also result in making bad decisions (such as Quaker Oats' acquisition of Snapple).
The authors provide a list of "red flag" situations to help improve the decision-making process through a more systematic analysis of biases, options and information. These include: examination of the range of options; identifying the key decision-makers; choosing the most influential decision-maker as the focus; check for biases, inappropriate-self interest or distorting attachments; check for misleading memories and strong emotional associations; repeat the analysis with the next most influential person and then review the list of red flags you have identified.
5. Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups by Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven B. Wolff (2001)
A team may be largely comprised of emotionally intelligent individuals, but without establishing an emotional intelligence for the team -- it may not function very well. The authors describe models for creating processes within teams to incorporate individual emotions and to create a team-intelligence that connects across functions or departments for greater performance and creativity. This article relies a lot on IDEO -- and I was in those teams in the late 90s, so it would be interesting to see a more up-to-date article on group EI after the first dot-com crash when running around with foam finger darts and standing up and howling at your desk were considered acceptable office behavior.
The primary benefit of creating group norms is to allow the team to identify tension, disharmony and other issues and to resolve those issues via process. One of the examples that was really fun was from IDEO: when someone starts to criticize an idea before it's fully articulated, other team members pelt that person with small stuffed animals. Another advantage of group EI is in creating relationships with other groups -- both inside and outside the organization -- by establishing a liaison or ambassador to keep track of the overall satisfaction and confidence of the relationship and course correct as needed.
6. The Price of Incivility: Lack of Respect Hurts Morale—and the Bottom Line by Christine Porath and Christine Pearson (2013)
Despite 20 years of discussion of emotional intelligence in the workplace, this more recent article warns us that incivility in the workplace is on the rise -- though I might argue it's not just the workplace but everywhere. Unfortunately - incivil behavior garners a negative response and unfortunately, not everyone is self-aware enough to realize that they are being incivil in the first place.
In line with the earlier articles about a leader's role in setting mood and energy -- the authors advise that leaders can be the role model and counteract rudeness at work from the top. One great example of this was a manager who realized that venting about rude people to some of his trusted colleagues was basically creating a model for them to continue that incivility elsewhere. He reined it in and changed his behavior to help improve the environment.
Studies show that there are high costs for incivility -- creativity suffers, quality of work decreases, people limit their effort and even spend less time at work. They are less committed when they feel people are rude to them on their team and often leave the company or take out their frustration on customers.
The authors recommend the same steps as in Goleman's first article: model good behavior, ask for feedback, track your progress (even keeping a journal to track your own civility/incivility and changes you want to pursue). In managing the team -- always hire for civility -- and follow gut instincts, find out more if someone isn't sure about "fit" on the team. Teaching civility can be done through role-play and video recording, and creating group norms about shared expectations (ie "don't look at your iPhone during a panel interview"). Finally - it is important both to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior.
7. How Resilience Works by Diane L. Coutu (2002)
Here's another article that was written just after the first dotcom crash and 9/11 -- a lot of people felt the devastating effects of these events. The author talks here about what defines resilient people: they accept what they cannot change, find meaning in terrible times and are able to improvise with whatever is at hand. She provides some great examples -- including the well known Victor Frankl, who survived many years in a concentration camp by telling himself he would give talks after he was freed telling people how it was possible to survive such an experience (and he did!).
"This dynamic of meaning making is, most researchers agree, the way resilient people build bridges from present-day hardships to a fuller, better constructed future. Those bridges make the present
manageable, for lack of a better word, removing the sense that the present is overwhelming." (p 113)
Being in touch with your core values, and operating in accordance to those values -- along with sustaining a level of curiosity about how to make things work -- are critical to resilience.
8. Emotional Agility: How Effective Leaders Manage Their Negative Thoughts and Feelings by Susan David and Christina Congleton (2013)
If you've been exposed to any mindfulness and meditation literature -- you have probably heard the term "monkey mind" or maybe "inner critic." This article -- while not using those terms -- is all about how to identify those unwanted thoughts and avoid getting pulled into the vortex of negative, doubting and non-productive thoughts.
The authors outline steps from "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT): Recognize your patterns; Label your thoughts and emotions; Accept them; Act on your values. The labelling is as simple as "I'm having a thought that guy intentionally cut me off in traffic" -- and then instead of responding as if that thought is true, reflect on your values: I take pride in being a good, predictable, safe driver instead of flipping out (I'm totally using a non business example here to make a point).
Again - we are offered the advice to identify our most important values -- as an objective basis for choosing responses to situations and thoughts that come into our minds. Taking a pause when you feel an emotion and choosing a response results in greater mastery of oneself and has many benefits in relationships and decision-making.
"It’s impossible to block out difficult thoughts and emotions. Effective leaders are mindful of their inner experiences but not caught in them. They know how to free up their internal resources and commit to actions that align with their values." (p 126).
9. Fear of Feedback by Jay M. Jackman and Myra H. Strober (2003)
This ominous title makes me afraid to read the article! Daniel Goleman & his co-authors described "CEO Disease" -- where business leaders have no idea of their effect on those around them because those people are afraid to provide truthful feedback. Jackman & Strober go a step farther -- they talk about how a fear of feedback generally results in many maladaptive behaviors such as procrastination, self-sabotage, jealousy, denial and brooding (back to the previous article about emotional agility!).
The reasons people avoid feedback include: Fear - people just don't like being criticized; Procrastination - often includes hostility or anger, or feeling of helplessness; Denial and Self-sabotage - often unconscious; Brooding can result in passivity, paralysis and isolation as a person avoids or obsesses on something rather than discussing it openly; Jealousy is maladaptive because of the basis in suspicion, envy, rivalry and possessiveness.
A common theme here is self-awareness -- recognizing your emotions and responses, label them and take steps to make a decision instead of a reaction. Seek support from people who will provide you a friendly ear and encouragement in this self-examination and learn to reframe the feedback.
"The proactive feedback process we recommend consists of four manageable steps: self-assessment, external feedback, absorbing the feedback, and taking action toward change." (p 136)
Take the time to reward yourself for making the changes as an incentive -- "nowhere is it written that the feedback process must be a wholly negative experience."
Freeing yourself from knee-jerk reactive behaviors can have a positive effect on other areas of your life as well!
10. The Young and the Clueless by Kerry A. Bunker, Kathy E. Kram, and Sharon Ting (2002)
Have you ever been part of a team lead by a new, young manager who really didn't "get it"? Maybe this person was nice personally but didn't do a great job at resolving team dynamics issues, connecting with people outside the team or even coaching and caring her direct reports?
For the finale of this reader, a restatement of the critical role of EI and soft leadership skills to the success of a manager. The authors describe the importance of slowing down the ascent of young managers and providing them with opportunities to develop those soft skills in ways that will strengthen them personally and improve their performance and longevity in a company.
While some EI skills are innate -- much of these skills are learned through time and experience, older people have more EI skills than younger people. They advise these steps:
1. Deepen 360-degree feedback
2. Interrupt the ascent
3. Act on your commitment
4. Institutionalize personal development
5. Cultivate informal networks.
The examples used in the article are really excellent -- and show a depth of caring and coaching that most managers probably don't receive. One example, a young manager who rose quickly based on performance, was seeking a promotion to VP but her boss didn't think she was ready. Instead, he offered her a special yearlong cross-functional/departmental assignment that would broaden her skills on promise of promotion and financial reward. She did well in this task and when she did get her promotion -- she had built up a network within the company, developed influential relationships and was perceived as a valuable addition to that level.
See "Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder" by Chip Conley (2018) for more information on how older workers can help younger people develop those EI skills.
ORIGINAL URL: http://www.livegreenwearblack.com/201...
© Jennifer R Clark. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. You may share and adapt this content with proper attribution.
1. What Makes a Leader? by Daniel Goleman (1996)
2. Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee (2001)
In the first article, Goleman resents the theme of the book: emotional intelligence is the most important skill for leaders, and while some of these are innate, they can all be learned or improved through coaching and attention. He details the overarching groups of skills from an emotional intelligence perspective successful leaders:
• Self-awareness —knowing one’s strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and impact on others
• Self-regulation —controlling or redirecting disruptive impulses and moods
• Motivation —relishing achievement for its own sake
• Empathy —understanding other people’s emotional makeup
• Social skill —building rapport with others to move them in desired directions
Key to all understanding is taking inventory of one's values, goals, strengths and weaknesses to determine a strategy for change and self-improvement. Learning new habits is difficult -- so it must include honest self-assessment and feedback from others, along with a plan and alternatives to supplant the undesired/existing patterns.
The second article dives into a bit more detail about how a leader serves as a "limbic attractor" -- setting the mood for the entire team in terms of outlook, perception and motivation. Nobody wants to work for a grouchy jerk -- and negativity from the top isn't just bad for team performance, it can infect the entire team or organization and create a toxic environment.
"High levels of emotional intelligence, our research showed, create climates in which information sharing, trust, healthy risk-taking, and learning flourish." (p 24). An upbeat environment "fosters mental efficiency" and results in better decisions, as well as financial performance.
As with the first article -- the way to identify and make changes is through 360-feedback (in all domains of one's life), identify your values and goals ("Who do you want to be?") and devise a plan for closing the gap. The article dives into a bit more neuroscience about how humans, as social animals, have an "open loop" system that means we match moods to those around us. Further, while most temperaments are set by the mid-20s, you can change those habits -- or "fake it til you make it"
"The more we act a certain way—be it happy, depressed, or cranky—the more the behavior becomes ingrained in our brain circuitry, and the more we will continue to feel and act that way." (p 36).
This is why, the authors argue, it is so important to have a "learning agenda" -- something that you can hold yourself to as we literally don't have the brain power to make changes without it. Holding yourself accountable works for so many things -- think about New Year's resolutions or the power of making changes for weight loss or smoking with a buddy or group that holds you accountable. Neuroscience is showing that we can change even those things we thought were indelibly imprinted on our own brains -- if we really want to do so, it requires self-awareness, a plan and support from those around us.
This first pair of articles are the precursors to the very excellent "Primal Leadership" (first published 2002, revised 2013).
3. Why It’s So Hard to Be Fair by Joel Brockner (2006)
Emotional intelligence is critical to change management -- this article examines the importance of "process fairness" in strengthening performance and reducing risk. This is different from "outcome fairness" -- and is driven by three key factors: 1) how much input do employees feel they have in the decision-making process? Are their needs and input valued? 2) Do employees believe that decisions are implemented fairly and with consistency and with accurate data? Can mistakes be corrected? Are plans shared in advance so that employees can have time to absorb, ask questions and adjust? 3) Finally, how do managers treat employees in this process? Do they share information, listen respectfully and answer questions?
The steps for establishing process fairness start with education and training. Help managers understand the impact of emotions on their organization -- you can't just avoid talking to people about the reasons behind a layoff because you feel guilty about it, you have to step up and share information in a truthful and transparent way. Even when managers do consider input from employees -- that's not enough if they aren't articulating how the input was valued or considered against all other data. The team wants to feel heard and considered.
Employee engagement is an ever increasing priority for companies -- a critical part of that is sharing information and including them in the decision-making process. This engagement drives the performance and directly impacts a company's bottom-line.
4. Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions by Andrew Campbell, Jo Whitehead, and Sydney Finkelstein (2009)
Even good leaders can make bad decisions - and that's often a result of making decisions in a silo without feedback or data. Leaders -- and all people -- make decisions at a deeply unconscious level through pattern recognition and with a process called "emotional tagging." This may prevent us from, say, stepping in front of a bus -- but it can also result in making bad decisions (such as Quaker Oats' acquisition of Snapple).
The authors provide a list of "red flag" situations to help improve the decision-making process through a more systematic analysis of biases, options and information. These include: examination of the range of options; identifying the key decision-makers; choosing the most influential decision-maker as the focus; check for biases, inappropriate-self interest or distorting attachments; check for misleading memories and strong emotional associations; repeat the analysis with the next most influential person and then review the list of red flags you have identified.
5. Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups by Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven B. Wolff (2001)
A team may be largely comprised of emotionally intelligent individuals, but without establishing an emotional intelligence for the team -- it may not function very well. The authors describe models for creating processes within teams to incorporate individual emotions and to create a team-intelligence that connects across functions or departments for greater performance and creativity. This article relies a lot on IDEO -- and I was in those teams in the late 90s, so it would be interesting to see a more up-to-date article on group EI after the first dot-com crash when running around with foam finger darts and standing up and howling at your desk were considered acceptable office behavior.
The primary benefit of creating group norms is to allow the team to identify tension, disharmony and other issues and to resolve those issues via process. One of the examples that was really fun was from IDEO: when someone starts to criticize an idea before it's fully articulated, other team members pelt that person with small stuffed animals. Another advantage of group EI is in creating relationships with other groups -- both inside and outside the organization -- by establishing a liaison or ambassador to keep track of the overall satisfaction and confidence of the relationship and course correct as needed.
6. The Price of Incivility: Lack of Respect Hurts Morale—and the Bottom Line by Christine Porath and Christine Pearson (2013)
Despite 20 years of discussion of emotional intelligence in the workplace, this more recent article warns us that incivility in the workplace is on the rise -- though I might argue it's not just the workplace but everywhere. Unfortunately - incivil behavior garners a negative response and unfortunately, not everyone is self-aware enough to realize that they are being incivil in the first place.
In line with the earlier articles about a leader's role in setting mood and energy -- the authors advise that leaders can be the role model and counteract rudeness at work from the top. One great example of this was a manager who realized that venting about rude people to some of his trusted colleagues was basically creating a model for them to continue that incivility elsewhere. He reined it in and changed his behavior to help improve the environment.
Studies show that there are high costs for incivility -- creativity suffers, quality of work decreases, people limit their effort and even spend less time at work. They are less committed when they feel people are rude to them on their team and often leave the company or take out their frustration on customers.
The authors recommend the same steps as in Goleman's first article: model good behavior, ask for feedback, track your progress (even keeping a journal to track your own civility/incivility and changes you want to pursue). In managing the team -- always hire for civility -- and follow gut instincts, find out more if someone isn't sure about "fit" on the team. Teaching civility can be done through role-play and video recording, and creating group norms about shared expectations (ie "don't look at your iPhone during a panel interview"). Finally - it is important both to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior.
7. How Resilience Works by Diane L. Coutu (2002)
Here's another article that was written just after the first dotcom crash and 9/11 -- a lot of people felt the devastating effects of these events. The author talks here about what defines resilient people: they accept what they cannot change, find meaning in terrible times and are able to improvise with whatever is at hand. She provides some great examples -- including the well known Victor Frankl, who survived many years in a concentration camp by telling himself he would give talks after he was freed telling people how it was possible to survive such an experience (and he did!).
"This dynamic of meaning making is, most researchers agree, the way resilient people build bridges from present-day hardships to a fuller, better constructed future. Those bridges make the present
manageable, for lack of a better word, removing the sense that the present is overwhelming." (p 113)
Being in touch with your core values, and operating in accordance to those values -- along with sustaining a level of curiosity about how to make things work -- are critical to resilience.
8. Emotional Agility: How Effective Leaders Manage Their Negative Thoughts and Feelings by Susan David and Christina Congleton (2013)
If you've been exposed to any mindfulness and meditation literature -- you have probably heard the term "monkey mind" or maybe "inner critic." This article -- while not using those terms -- is all about how to identify those unwanted thoughts and avoid getting pulled into the vortex of negative, doubting and non-productive thoughts.
The authors outline steps from "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT): Recognize your patterns; Label your thoughts and emotions; Accept them; Act on your values. The labelling is as simple as "I'm having a thought that guy intentionally cut me off in traffic" -- and then instead of responding as if that thought is true, reflect on your values: I take pride in being a good, predictable, safe driver instead of flipping out (I'm totally using a non business example here to make a point).
Again - we are offered the advice to identify our most important values -- as an objective basis for choosing responses to situations and thoughts that come into our minds. Taking a pause when you feel an emotion and choosing a response results in greater mastery of oneself and has many benefits in relationships and decision-making.
"It’s impossible to block out difficult thoughts and emotions. Effective leaders are mindful of their inner experiences but not caught in them. They know how to free up their internal resources and commit to actions that align with their values." (p 126).
9. Fear of Feedback by Jay M. Jackman and Myra H. Strober (2003)
This ominous title makes me afraid to read the article! Daniel Goleman & his co-authors described "CEO Disease" -- where business leaders have no idea of their effect on those around them because those people are afraid to provide truthful feedback. Jackman & Strober go a step farther -- they talk about how a fear of feedback generally results in many maladaptive behaviors such as procrastination, self-sabotage, jealousy, denial and brooding (back to the previous article about emotional agility!).
The reasons people avoid feedback include: Fear - people just don't like being criticized; Procrastination - often includes hostility or anger, or feeling of helplessness; Denial and Self-sabotage - often unconscious; Brooding can result in passivity, paralysis and isolation as a person avoids or obsesses on something rather than discussing it openly; Jealousy is maladaptive because of the basis in suspicion, envy, rivalry and possessiveness.
A common theme here is self-awareness -- recognizing your emotions and responses, label them and take steps to make a decision instead of a reaction. Seek support from people who will provide you a friendly ear and encouragement in this self-examination and learn to reframe the feedback.
"The proactive feedback process we recommend consists of four manageable steps: self-assessment, external feedback, absorbing the feedback, and taking action toward change." (p 136)
Take the time to reward yourself for making the changes as an incentive -- "nowhere is it written that the feedback process must be a wholly negative experience."
Freeing yourself from knee-jerk reactive behaviors can have a positive effect on other areas of your life as well!
10. The Young and the Clueless by Kerry A. Bunker, Kathy E. Kram, and Sharon Ting (2002)
Have you ever been part of a team lead by a new, young manager who really didn't "get it"? Maybe this person was nice personally but didn't do a great job at resolving team dynamics issues, connecting with people outside the team or even coaching and caring her direct reports?
For the finale of this reader, a restatement of the critical role of EI and soft leadership skills to the success of a manager. The authors describe the importance of slowing down the ascent of young managers and providing them with opportunities to develop those soft skills in ways that will strengthen them personally and improve their performance and longevity in a company.
While some EI skills are innate -- much of these skills are learned through time and experience, older people have more EI skills than younger people. They advise these steps:
1. Deepen 360-degree feedback
2. Interrupt the ascent
3. Act on your commitment
4. Institutionalize personal development
5. Cultivate informal networks.
The examples used in the article are really excellent -- and show a depth of caring and coaching that most managers probably don't receive. One example, a young manager who rose quickly based on performance, was seeking a promotion to VP but her boss didn't think she was ready. Instead, he offered her a special yearlong cross-functional/departmental assignment that would broaden her skills on promise of promotion and financial reward. She did well in this task and when she did get her promotion -- she had built up a network within the company, developed influential relationships and was perceived as a valuable addition to that level.
See "Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder" by Chip Conley (2018) for more information on how older workers can help younger people develop those EI skills.
ORIGINAL URL: http://www.livegreenwearblack.com/201...
© Jennifer R Clark. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. You may share and adapt this content with proper attribution.
June 25, 2015
There is no doubt now that having a well-honed emotional intelligence will make it easy for an individual to succeed, especially during this time when every opportunity to connect is available. This maybe one of the reasons why organizations such as Harvard Business Review continuously devote time, effort and financial resources to help our leaders all around the globe regardless of industry or occupation develop these sets of competencies.
In this book, HBR compiles the best collections of its magazine articles which deal with different aspects of emotional intelligence. Of course, the discussion of this subject will not be complete without citing the works of Daniel Goleman. Hence, the very first article you will read is What Makes a Leader. This article discusses the different components of emotional intelligence, namely, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Other articles are also treasure-trove of wisdom. In the Price of Incivility: Lack of respect hurts morale-and the bottom line Christine Porath and Christine Pearson talks about the negative effect of rude behaviors in different companies. While Diane Coutu deals with resiliency, Andrew Campbell and his other colleagues answer Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions.
I find each article helpful in its own right. There are things that make me think about the things around me. More importantly, the most important lesson I learned in this collection of articles is that being emotionally intelligent requires actual experience and practice. You cannot learn this by just reading this book. You must act on it and it a part of your behaviors. But first you must know what you need to practice. This book will help.
In this book, HBR compiles the best collections of its magazine articles which deal with different aspects of emotional intelligence. Of course, the discussion of this subject will not be complete without citing the works of Daniel Goleman. Hence, the very first article you will read is What Makes a Leader. This article discusses the different components of emotional intelligence, namely, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Other articles are also treasure-trove of wisdom. In the Price of Incivility: Lack of respect hurts morale-and the bottom line Christine Porath and Christine Pearson talks about the negative effect of rude behaviors in different companies. While Diane Coutu deals with resiliency, Andrew Campbell and his other colleagues answer Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions.
I find each article helpful in its own right. There are things that make me think about the things around me. More importantly, the most important lesson I learned in this collection of articles is that being emotionally intelligent requires actual experience and practice. You cannot learn this by just reading this book. You must act on it and it a part of your behaviors. But first you must know what you need to practice. This book will help.
June 24, 2017
It was ok. Nothing I didnt already know. Each chapter is a new article ( that likely appeared in the Harvard Review itself at one point). Within each chapter/ article is a one page synopsis of the key points. I could have been satisfied with just those pages. The full articles seemed to be too dry and while only 10 pages long, felt like an agonizing eternity. I hope the "Managing Yourself" book is better as i just got that at the airport on a recent business trip. Fingees crossed!
October 20, 2017
The essential collection of articles on the subject of emotional intelligence. Read this if you want to understand the components of emotional intelligence and most importantly, how to practice growing in it! Emotional intelligence for the last 20+ years has had huge explanatory power in identifying and building great leaders of organizations and businesses.
January 26, 2021
TL;DR: Don’t be a dick.
May 17, 2020
A lot of points in the book looked familiar and I've come to realize I've taken for granted the fact that EI is considered important and is cultivated in modern age tech companies (even if not labeled as EI specifically). Some things were new for me: importance of emotions projected by leaders, sources of motivation as predictor of leadership potential, Ego-defense vs self-awareness balance and importance of resilience. Some pieces were rather funny though and sounded outdated though, like
Year 2020, WCPGW?
He made plans with each employee to meet outside of work, where they might be more comfortable revealing their feelings.
Year 2020, WCPGW?
February 6, 2022
Will try to apply main ideas into my life and professional career. And even more - will share with my colleagues and company top managers. Going through personal to business, from a human to the group and team… ideally - to unite everyone in a company with the same ideas and knowledge. Highly recommended to those who reached high knowledge and experience level but is still struggling with going beyond
September 17, 2023
A critical read for managers and executives.
Soft skills are too often overlooked in favor of technical skills. Emotional intelligence is a necessary factor in 1. Recognizing the importance of soft skills and 2. Being able to apply these skills effectively.
Soft skills are too often overlooked in favor of technical skills. Emotional intelligence is a necessary factor in 1. Recognizing the importance of soft skills and 2. Being able to apply these skills effectively.
September 22, 2017
A really insightful book about how to behave in both personal and professional life. I liked a lot of what was mentioned in how to motivate yourself and the people on your team. Although it can seem a little dry, its worth the little bits of knowledge you pick up.
April 22, 2020
I purchased this book for the wrong reason and didn't find it as compelling or insightful as I thought I would. I wanted to learn more about accurately identifying/labeling emotions as well as emotional regulation. I should have expected this, but HBR focuses more on the leadership and management skills needed to run a business successfully. This book contains 10 essays about different topics related to emotional intelligence, and I found myself skipping around looking for the highlights or individual topics that would interest me most. I did enjoy "How Resilience Works" and "Emotional Agility". Otherwise, most of the other essays primarily focused on managing a business or team when I really wanted to read about managing one's internal state. I guess that's my mistake for assuming I would get more of the latter.
March 27, 2018
The first business book I’ve read that couldn’t be reduced down to a notecard. This is definitely a four-notecard book.
March 21, 2020
This book contains multiple essays on emotional intelligence in leadership and business. And let me tell you, it's absolutely invaluable. This is the book you should be reading on how to lead with your mind, soul, heart, and feelings. I really love this book.
The only reason I'm taking one star off (really it's a 4.5/5 rounded down) is because due to the essay-collection nature of the book, there did seem to be some repetition between some of the content between different essays. Just how it goes, didn't take away from it that much though.
Highly recommend this book, one of the better and more insightful leadership books I've read.
The only reason I'm taking one star off (really it's a 4.5/5 rounded down) is because due to the essay-collection nature of the book, there did seem to be some repetition between some of the content between different essays. Just how it goes, didn't take away from it that much though.
Highly recommend this book, one of the better and more insightful leadership books I've read.
May 11, 2019
This was a very exciting literature review for me as I began it right when I was promoted into a new position and ended it right when I a trying to find means to request feedback from the new management structure in front of me. The articles focus on maintaining dignity within the workplace through 360 feedback, developing emotional capacity + interpersonal goals as part of an employees abilities.
October 2, 2019
کتاب از ۱۰ مقاله که از مجله HBR گلچین شده تشکیل شده و تاثیر Emotional Intelligence رو بر مدیریت (HB مخفف هاروارد بیزینس اسکول هست.) میسنجه و راهکارهایی رو برای بهبود ابعاد مختلف EI ارائه میده.
سه مقاله اول، که به ترتیب درمورد ابعاد EI و تاثیرات اون، تقویت EI و تاثبر رعایت انصاف و مقاله هفتم و هشتم، که راجع به Resilience و ویژگی افراد رزیلینت و Agility احساسی (فهم و آنالیز احساسات) هست رو توصیه میکنم، حتی اگر علاقهای به مدیریت و .. ندارین، مواردی که بحث شده میتونه براتون جالب باشه، مخصوصا تقسیم بندی سیستماتیک و اپروچهای مرحله به مرحلهای که ارائه داده بود رو پسندیدم.
سه مقاله اول، که به ترتیب درمورد ابعاد EI و تاثیرات اون، تقویت EI و تاثبر رعایت انصاف و مقاله هفتم و هشتم، که راجع به Resilience و ویژگی افراد رزیلینت و Agility احساسی (فهم و آنالیز احساسات) هست رو توصیه میکنم، حتی اگر علاقهای به مدیریت و .. ندارین، مواردی که بحث شده میتونه براتون جالب باشه، مخصوصا تقسیم بندی سیستماتیک و اپروچهای مرحله به مرحلهای که ارائه داده بود رو پسندیدم.
December 31, 2019
Great book! Concise, straight to the point, and filled with insights. I took one star off because a few articles weren't as engaging and seemed incomplete in their execution practices, but the vast majority were interesting and helpful. What's also nice is that it covered multiple angles of leadership, whereas most books plow to the end with one thesis. Highly recommend!
July 23, 2017
Picked this up in the airport, thought I'd update the latest on EI.
Has applications to "group" emotional intelligence ie teams, developing team chemistry. A Richard Feynmann example of "bricoleur" on page 116-117 in "How Resilience Works."
Has applications to "group" emotional intelligence ie teams, developing team chemistry. A Richard Feynmann example of "bricoleur" on page 116-117 in "How Resilience Works."
May 31, 2020
The first article is the best. Excellent overall.
November 15, 2020
An entirely different perspective on the not-so-popular topic of Emotional Intelligence. Fun and Thughtlful Read.
November 23, 2021
Excellent and very powerful tool for a leader.
December 21, 2021
Nose chico, no cuenta nada nuevo. Si nunca has leído uno de esto está bien
January 25, 2025
I mean the content isn’t necessarily bad, just very predictable. Each article has an “idea in brief” segment which honestly would’ve been enough to read.
3-stars because as mentioned, content is bad, just a bit basic and repetitive. Wouldn’t recommend, just find a summary instead.
3-stars because as mentioned, content is bad, just a bit basic and repetitive. Wouldn’t recommend, just find a summary instead.
August 16, 2019
I found this an enlightening and important read, and hope to review my notes often.
August 21, 2019
It was a fascinating read. It is never enough for a manager to master people's skills. Also, people do sense when they are managed emotionally vs. understood with emotional intelligence.
I found it a powerful read overall.
I found it a powerful read overall.
August 24, 2018
Didn’t read every essay, but those I did read were great. Covered how emotional intelligence affects leaders, groups, organizations, and young adults.
March 4, 2021
I made the mistake of complimenting my mid-teen on her emotional intelligence, which built within her a desire to study and understand this kind of intelligence. So, this teen wanted me to buy this book by Harvard Business Review. Shrug.
The book defined emotional intelligence as being self-aware, self-regulating, self-motivating, empathetic, and having the social skills for rapport.
As the title stated, the book was about using emotional intelligence in the business world, not about using it in navigating teen life. Also, the various authors used technical words. Actually, I'm not afraid of that for my teen. She can probably get a lot of it from context clues, and is persistent enough to look up the rest or ask. Upon reading it, I found that the book would probably be more appropriate for my husband as he leads various teams than it would be for our teen or for myself.
A more apt source for her might be
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/47616/...
The idea of capitalizing on emotional intelligence in the business world smacks of emotional manipulation to me, although the goals are not hidden, and one of the chapters of the book promoted "process transparency" as a part of making employees feel validated, less vindictive, and more cooperative. I spoke about that topic of manipulation and process transparency with a different child, my older teen, who'd asked what I was reading. She said that sometimes manipulation is necessary - like in getting small children not to run in the street, or in the case of a paramedic getting a patient to agree to life-saving treatment. Valid points, but I'm not as comfortable with manipulation. Maybe just not underhanded manipulation. One probably cannot live life without influencing another person in some regard, but when the stated goals are actually the goals, there's no demeaning or deception, and there's process transparency, it feels more like integrity.
For many years, I've tried to be above manipulation, and I have tried to parent with the concept of process transparency, although I didn't call it that. I wanted the kids to be able to talk with me, to feel heard, to have their ideas considered, and I wanted to show them how I made decisions because I knew that some day they'd be the ones making the decisions. I didn't want it to feel foreign to them. I know that put me at odds with some parenting advice in which parents just say "Because I said so ..." which is intended to build respect for authority. I would rather that my kids question human authority in a respectful way rather than blindly follow it. That's how we, as societies, end up with atrocious leaders. And of course, in the case of parental authority, if the kids have heard the reasoning, had their thoughts considered, and still disagree, then that is a case of teaching following authority respectfully even when it is distasteful to us. (Which is, of course, different than when it is barbaric ... there is a balance.)
I was delighted to find the chapter "How Resilience Works," because resiliency is something I've read about for several years - in Shelly Radic's "Momology," in TIME's "The Science of Happiness," and in John Benton's "Resilient." I always want to further my understanding of resiliency. I was pleased to see that "Emotional Intelligence" had different information than my prior reads on the topic. The author, Diane Coutu, said that she came across several studies (not listed) in which the same three characteristics were associated with resilience: facing down reality, searching for meaning, and being able to continually improvise.
Apparently, those that were resilient faced their circumstances realistically, not merely optimistically. In general, people tended toward denial as a coping mechanism, but over time, the optimistic tended to become disillusioned.
I found that interesting. Back when I was interviewing for positions in engineering in the mid 1990's, companies were searching for optimistic people. That always seemed a bit off to me, because overly-optimistic people can't make a robust design anticipating problems (they don't see any), they can't realistically come up with schedules (they over-estimate their ability to get things done, or under-estimate the amount of problems they'll have,) and some times, optimism just doesn't match reality. I liked what Diane Coutu said about it, "... conjuring a sense of possibility can be a very powerful tool. But for bigger challenges, a cool, almost pessimistic, sense of reality is far more important." One must combine the two - the sense of possibilities and the realities, and even how the possibilities can improve the realities. So the interview game became how to appear optimistic enough to get through the interviews, and yet realistic enough to get the job done.
I'll add, too, that I think it's important to guard against the sort of pessimism that's paralyzing. That doesn't help confront the harsh realities, either. I think, in the whole thing, it's balance. Optimism enough to see possibilities, realism enough to see and address those realities, and maybe just a touch of pessimism that keeps us realistically planning for the future. Not a doomsday sort of pessimism, but a reasonable one. Which is, perhaps, another way of saying being a realist.
I found it interesting that finding meaning in the harsh realities of life would be so important to resilience. The author opened this up to all kinds of meanings, whether from internal or external ones, studying everything from the Catholic church to the tobacco company Philip Morris, who has become resilient using what was generally viewed as negative or "ethically questionable" values. To Diane Coutu, it didn't matter whether the meanings were moral or not, just how they affected resiliency. "In this context, it is worth noting that resilience is neither ethically good nor bad. It is merely the skill and the capacity to be robust under conditions of enormous stress and change." She then went on to quote Viktor Frankl as saying that the concentration camp survivors were the ones who had "lost all scruples in their fight for existence ... The best of us did not return."
To that, I would say, perhaps it would've been better not to have returned than to have returned morally bankrupt. Probably a unpopular opinion. There are some things worse than death, and perhaps some of those that died had a resiliency of a different sort, the resiliency of keeping the beautiful in their souls, even if that meant facing death to do it. The resilience of the soul's more interesting to me than the resilience of the body, although often both go together.
The third important aspect of the resilient was adaptability or brikolage. It made me think of the old MacGyver shows, or thinking outside the box. It was interesting how UPS had such an enforced formula for procedures that, during crisis, their team didn't have to spend any mental energy on doing some things - they did them by rote - so that they could devote their mental energy to being creative where they needed to be.
One other side note in that chapter on resilience was a couple paragraphs contrasting the resilient mentality vs. a victimhood mentality. "We all know people who, under duress, throw up their hands and cry, 'How can this be happening to me?' Such people see themselves as victims, and living through hardship carries no lessons for them. But resilient people devise constructs about their suffering to create some sort of meaning for themselves and others." That doesn't bode well for the victim mentality prevalent in society today.
The chapter "What Makes a Leader?" said "One of the hallmarks of self-awareness is a self-depreciating sense of humor." Admittedly, the chapter's title is on leadership, but that paragraph talked about the benefits of hiring interviewees who exhibit self-depreciating humor because they tend to be more self-aware (which is a part of emotional intelligence.) I'm not sure how to merge that with the piece of information that Toastmasters gave a friend, that self-depreciating humor is not received well in the workplace, except occasionally as that coming from leaders. Perhaps it is a good thing to hire such self-aware people, but, as Toastmasters said, the social perception of it isn't a good one - that society's views haven't caught up with the benefits of it yet.
I thought the section was interesting on "mood contagion," and trying to set the mood well for your group. That's something I haven't done well for our family in recent crises ... I've left that up to our "emotionally intelligent" teen who wanted this book, and that she's done well with it, although that job is probably too much.
"A leader's mood has the greatest impact on performance when it's upbeat. But it must also be in tune with those around him. We call this dynamic resonance.'" Otherwise, it comes across as fake or insensitive.
I found the chapter "Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions" annoying. I suppose people do make decisions based on pattern recognition and emotional tagging. Even engineers. But it is not the engineering way. Whatever happened to Venn diagrams, truth tables, lists of pros and cons, hard evidence, experimental data, and logic? Somehow, I think of pattern recognition and emotional tagging as a sort of word association game, not the more analytical thinking for high powered business decision-making. Do people really think this way? Groan. Of course they do. But let's try to keep that in the realm of choosing ice cream flavors rather than the realm of costly decisions. The question is how people ever got into leadership thinking like that. It's not true thought. It's more like allowing impressions to rule your decision-making without really thinking at all. It reminded me of a quote. "The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling." - Thomas Sowell
I did like the red-flagging of possible things that could lead someone down that path - the presence of inappropriate self-interest, the presence of distorting attachments, and the presence of misleading memories. I especially liked the idea of having people hold us accountable, or having input - having various people weigh in on the decision at hand to see if anything's been overlooked.
The chapter on building group emotional intelligence made sense, but I could envision some of those tactics backfiring. Rather than feeling silly shooting each other with Nerf guns to relieve frustration, or whatever, the person could feel picked on for his or her viewpoint. Likewise, calling someone out for being "cranky," could backfire, making them crankier. [Does there exist anyone who hasn't felt in a worse mood when asked, 'Why are you in such a bad mood today?'] Plus, they might have good reason to be cranky. (What was just said in the other chapters about needing realism, and maybe even a touch of pessimism? If people are discouraged from being 'cranky,' then problems are less likely to be acknowledged or solved. These chapters in this book seem to be at odds with each other.)
The chapter on rude behavior was good, but again, sometimes people have to be blunt in order to address problems or problem solve. Perhaps not intentionally rude, but people might take it that way. It depends on how well people respond (and if they respond) to gentler approaches earlier on in the process. I would agree that the vast majority of what needs to be communicated can be done so without any rudeness, and there are so many "dangerous" topics that can be approached politely.
On the other side of that issue, this chapter also promoted getting rid of rude people early on rather than giving them second-chances. I'd advise giving second-chances, but with clear expectations and a clear path towards improvement. Something measurable, not meaningless, innumerable warnings leading nowhere. Getting rid of people so abruptly feels to me like it would hurt the business in the long run, particularly in the amount of time it takes to train someone into the position. It would depend, in part, on how "trainable" the person is in regards to what is and what is not acceptable as far as rudeness goes. I've seen this done well with several people with no further problems on any of them. Sometimes rudeness comes from a lack of understanding or a lack of appreciation. Other times, the person knows better and simply doesn't care. Leaders have to be willing to call out a behavior plan and to stick to the repercussions if it isn't followed.
I liked the parts of the book that showed how compassion and kindness to those who had to be laid off, and to those who remained benefited the company as a whole. I can think of instances where that did not go well. A tricky line to walk, but I think this book did well giving some examples.
I thought the chapter on Emotional Agility was good - examining our feelings without automatically dismissing them so that we can learn from them, whether or not we choose to act on them. That's what I do when I journal. I don't mind peering into myself to ponder why I am sad or unsettled or angry or afraid, then weighing the evidence as to whether or not it's justified and how much, and deciding whether the feelings are pointing to something worth following or not. And if so, I can lean into it more rationally, and if not, then I can teach myself the truth about the situation. That was not a new methodology to me, nor probably, to many others.
The chapter on the fear of feedback was good. It also listed some things that people do when they feel frightened of their reviews with their bosses or their peers. Procrastination was one.
I am taking this out of context, and not talking about reviews, but when I procrastinate in general it's not usually because I feel afraid (although it can be.) It's more likely to be because I'm bored, and doing it as a last-minute emergency makes it more interesting, like adding a little bit of flair. It helps me to get moving on whatever it is that I'm procrastinating about. There's a fine art to that, though, so that the project's done when it needs to be.
The last chapter was about promoting people too soon, too young, before they have developed much emotional intelligence. Some brilliant individuals are so self-reliant that they are often promoted without ever having to develop business relationships with others. That situation's far removed from my reality, but I did like the story of a CEO further developing his emotional intelligence, having specific goals, and being so open about them that it inspired those under him to do likewise.
If I may quote an ancient text not often quoted in business scenarios, but with similar insight: "He [an overseer] must not be a recent convert or he may become conceited and fall..." - 1 Tim. 3:6
The book defined emotional intelligence as being self-aware, self-regulating, self-motivating, empathetic, and having the social skills for rapport.
As the title stated, the book was about using emotional intelligence in the business world, not about using it in navigating teen life. Also, the various authors used technical words. Actually, I'm not afraid of that for my teen. She can probably get a lot of it from context clues, and is persistent enough to look up the rest or ask. Upon reading it, I found that the book would probably be more appropriate for my husband as he leads various teams than it would be for our teen or for myself.
A more apt source for her might be
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/47616/...
The idea of capitalizing on emotional intelligence in the business world smacks of emotional manipulation to me, although the goals are not hidden, and one of the chapters of the book promoted "process transparency" as a part of making employees feel validated, less vindictive, and more cooperative. I spoke about that topic of manipulation and process transparency with a different child, my older teen, who'd asked what I was reading. She said that sometimes manipulation is necessary - like in getting small children not to run in the street, or in the case of a paramedic getting a patient to agree to life-saving treatment. Valid points, but I'm not as comfortable with manipulation. Maybe just not underhanded manipulation. One probably cannot live life without influencing another person in some regard, but when the stated goals are actually the goals, there's no demeaning or deception, and there's process transparency, it feels more like integrity.
For many years, I've tried to be above manipulation, and I have tried to parent with the concept of process transparency, although I didn't call it that. I wanted the kids to be able to talk with me, to feel heard, to have their ideas considered, and I wanted to show them how I made decisions because I knew that some day they'd be the ones making the decisions. I didn't want it to feel foreign to them. I know that put me at odds with some parenting advice in which parents just say "Because I said so ..." which is intended to build respect for authority. I would rather that my kids question human authority in a respectful way rather than blindly follow it. That's how we, as societies, end up with atrocious leaders. And of course, in the case of parental authority, if the kids have heard the reasoning, had their thoughts considered, and still disagree, then that is a case of teaching following authority respectfully even when it is distasteful to us. (Which is, of course, different than when it is barbaric ... there is a balance.)
I was delighted to find the chapter "How Resilience Works," because resiliency is something I've read about for several years - in Shelly Radic's "Momology," in TIME's "The Science of Happiness," and in John Benton's "Resilient." I always want to further my understanding of resiliency. I was pleased to see that "Emotional Intelligence" had different information than my prior reads on the topic. The author, Diane Coutu, said that she came across several studies (not listed) in which the same three characteristics were associated with resilience: facing down reality, searching for meaning, and being able to continually improvise.
Apparently, those that were resilient faced their circumstances realistically, not merely optimistically. In general, people tended toward denial as a coping mechanism, but over time, the optimistic tended to become disillusioned.
I found that interesting. Back when I was interviewing for positions in engineering in the mid 1990's, companies were searching for optimistic people. That always seemed a bit off to me, because overly-optimistic people can't make a robust design anticipating problems (they don't see any), they can't realistically come up with schedules (they over-estimate their ability to get things done, or under-estimate the amount of problems they'll have,) and some times, optimism just doesn't match reality. I liked what Diane Coutu said about it, "... conjuring a sense of possibility can be a very powerful tool. But for bigger challenges, a cool, almost pessimistic, sense of reality is far more important." One must combine the two - the sense of possibilities and the realities, and even how the possibilities can improve the realities. So the interview game became how to appear optimistic enough to get through the interviews, and yet realistic enough to get the job done.
I'll add, too, that I think it's important to guard against the sort of pessimism that's paralyzing. That doesn't help confront the harsh realities, either. I think, in the whole thing, it's balance. Optimism enough to see possibilities, realism enough to see and address those realities, and maybe just a touch of pessimism that keeps us realistically planning for the future. Not a doomsday sort of pessimism, but a reasonable one. Which is, perhaps, another way of saying being a realist.
I found it interesting that finding meaning in the harsh realities of life would be so important to resilience. The author opened this up to all kinds of meanings, whether from internal or external ones, studying everything from the Catholic church to the tobacco company Philip Morris, who has become resilient using what was generally viewed as negative or "ethically questionable" values. To Diane Coutu, it didn't matter whether the meanings were moral or not, just how they affected resiliency. "In this context, it is worth noting that resilience is neither ethically good nor bad. It is merely the skill and the capacity to be robust under conditions of enormous stress and change." She then went on to quote Viktor Frankl as saying that the concentration camp survivors were the ones who had "lost all scruples in their fight for existence ... The best of us did not return."
To that, I would say, perhaps it would've been better not to have returned than to have returned morally bankrupt. Probably a unpopular opinion. There are some things worse than death, and perhaps some of those that died had a resiliency of a different sort, the resiliency of keeping the beautiful in their souls, even if that meant facing death to do it. The resilience of the soul's more interesting to me than the resilience of the body, although often both go together.
The third important aspect of the resilient was adaptability or brikolage. It made me think of the old MacGyver shows, or thinking outside the box. It was interesting how UPS had such an enforced formula for procedures that, during crisis, their team didn't have to spend any mental energy on doing some things - they did them by rote - so that they could devote their mental energy to being creative where they needed to be.
One other side note in that chapter on resilience was a couple paragraphs contrasting the resilient mentality vs. a victimhood mentality. "We all know people who, under duress, throw up their hands and cry, 'How can this be happening to me?' Such people see themselves as victims, and living through hardship carries no lessons for them. But resilient people devise constructs about their suffering to create some sort of meaning for themselves and others." That doesn't bode well for the victim mentality prevalent in society today.
The chapter "What Makes a Leader?" said "One of the hallmarks of self-awareness is a self-depreciating sense of humor." Admittedly, the chapter's title is on leadership, but that paragraph talked about the benefits of hiring interviewees who exhibit self-depreciating humor because they tend to be more self-aware (which is a part of emotional intelligence.) I'm not sure how to merge that with the piece of information that Toastmasters gave a friend, that self-depreciating humor is not received well in the workplace, except occasionally as that coming from leaders. Perhaps it is a good thing to hire such self-aware people, but, as Toastmasters said, the social perception of it isn't a good one - that society's views haven't caught up with the benefits of it yet.
I thought the section was interesting on "mood contagion," and trying to set the mood well for your group. That's something I haven't done well for our family in recent crises ... I've left that up to our "emotionally intelligent" teen who wanted this book, and that she's done well with it, although that job is probably too much.
"A leader's mood has the greatest impact on performance when it's upbeat. But it must also be in tune with those around him. We call this dynamic resonance.'" Otherwise, it comes across as fake or insensitive.
I found the chapter "Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions" annoying. I suppose people do make decisions based on pattern recognition and emotional tagging. Even engineers. But it is not the engineering way. Whatever happened to Venn diagrams, truth tables, lists of pros and cons, hard evidence, experimental data, and logic? Somehow, I think of pattern recognition and emotional tagging as a sort of word association game, not the more analytical thinking for high powered business decision-making. Do people really think this way? Groan. Of course they do. But let's try to keep that in the realm of choosing ice cream flavors rather than the realm of costly decisions. The question is how people ever got into leadership thinking like that. It's not true thought. It's more like allowing impressions to rule your decision-making without really thinking at all. It reminded me of a quote. "The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling." - Thomas Sowell
I did like the red-flagging of possible things that could lead someone down that path - the presence of inappropriate self-interest, the presence of distorting attachments, and the presence of misleading memories. I especially liked the idea of having people hold us accountable, or having input - having various people weigh in on the decision at hand to see if anything's been overlooked.
The chapter on building group emotional intelligence made sense, but I could envision some of those tactics backfiring. Rather than feeling silly shooting each other with Nerf guns to relieve frustration, or whatever, the person could feel picked on for his or her viewpoint. Likewise, calling someone out for being "cranky," could backfire, making them crankier. [Does there exist anyone who hasn't felt in a worse mood when asked, 'Why are you in such a bad mood today?'] Plus, they might have good reason to be cranky. (What was just said in the other chapters about needing realism, and maybe even a touch of pessimism? If people are discouraged from being 'cranky,' then problems are less likely to be acknowledged or solved. These chapters in this book seem to be at odds with each other.)
The chapter on rude behavior was good, but again, sometimes people have to be blunt in order to address problems or problem solve. Perhaps not intentionally rude, but people might take it that way. It depends on how well people respond (and if they respond) to gentler approaches earlier on in the process. I would agree that the vast majority of what needs to be communicated can be done so without any rudeness, and there are so many "dangerous" topics that can be approached politely.
On the other side of that issue, this chapter also promoted getting rid of rude people early on rather than giving them second-chances. I'd advise giving second-chances, but with clear expectations and a clear path towards improvement. Something measurable, not meaningless, innumerable warnings leading nowhere. Getting rid of people so abruptly feels to me like it would hurt the business in the long run, particularly in the amount of time it takes to train someone into the position. It would depend, in part, on how "trainable" the person is in regards to what is and what is not acceptable as far as rudeness goes. I've seen this done well with several people with no further problems on any of them. Sometimes rudeness comes from a lack of understanding or a lack of appreciation. Other times, the person knows better and simply doesn't care. Leaders have to be willing to call out a behavior plan and to stick to the repercussions if it isn't followed.
I liked the parts of the book that showed how compassion and kindness to those who had to be laid off, and to those who remained benefited the company as a whole. I can think of instances where that did not go well. A tricky line to walk, but I think this book did well giving some examples.
I thought the chapter on Emotional Agility was good - examining our feelings without automatically dismissing them so that we can learn from them, whether or not we choose to act on them. That's what I do when I journal. I don't mind peering into myself to ponder why I am sad or unsettled or angry or afraid, then weighing the evidence as to whether or not it's justified and how much, and deciding whether the feelings are pointing to something worth following or not. And if so, I can lean into it more rationally, and if not, then I can teach myself the truth about the situation. That was not a new methodology to me, nor probably, to many others.
The chapter on the fear of feedback was good. It also listed some things that people do when they feel frightened of their reviews with their bosses or their peers. Procrastination was one.
I am taking this out of context, and not talking about reviews, but when I procrastinate in general it's not usually because I feel afraid (although it can be.) It's more likely to be because I'm bored, and doing it as a last-minute emergency makes it more interesting, like adding a little bit of flair. It helps me to get moving on whatever it is that I'm procrastinating about. There's a fine art to that, though, so that the project's done when it needs to be.
The last chapter was about promoting people too soon, too young, before they have developed much emotional intelligence. Some brilliant individuals are so self-reliant that they are often promoted without ever having to develop business relationships with others. That situation's far removed from my reality, but I did like the story of a CEO further developing his emotional intelligence, having specific goals, and being so open about them that it inspired those under him to do likewise.
If I may quote an ancient text not often quoted in business scenarios, but with similar insight: "He [an overseer] must not be a recent convert or he may become conceited and fall..." - 1 Tim. 3:6
June 1, 2019
Zack needs to read this.
October 31, 2020
Different from other psychology books on this topic, this book provides great real life examples with less emphasis on theory. It turns out to be a lot more relatable and actionable.
February 27, 2020
Кратко и по сути. Хороший сборник статей, чтоб ознакомиться с темой эмоционального интеллекта.
June 5, 2017
There were some articles that I thought droned on, but most were good and gave me things to think about as far as how I manage myself and others.
June 15, 2017
An excellent and complete introduction from some of the leading researchers on the topic of emotional intelligence.
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