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Emma: Not That One
Emma just fucking loves men.
And Emma just loves fucking men.
Emma (Not that One) is the imperfect story of an imperfect girl. One that isn’t always realistic, is prone to bizarre musing, occasionally loses the plot, tries too hard to be funny and never lets a sexual innuendo pass it by, much like Emma herself.
While this fluff is unashamedly a rom-com, it is also unapologetically authentic in its account of being a single girl, fearful of never finding the one. It explores unfiltered feelings, not the palatable pulp we pump out to avoid being labelled as hysterical. Thankfully the pelvic massage administered by male doctors to treat such conditions has long been left in the Austen-era, nowadays we women know that this very power lay firmly at our fingertips.
And while Emma is quite capable of curating her own climax, she’s still far too desperate for love and it’s this, along with her innate impulsivity, that govern her reckless romantic decisions and the chaos these cause. But even if this devastating desire doesn’t get answered by her many men (and you’ll have to stop perusing the description and part some pages to find that out), hopefully you lovely ladies will fall head over heels for our hopeless heroine.
This could just be the most relatable romantic comedy you’ve ever read. . .
Preview of the Foreword-
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a betrothed woman in possession of a good libido must be in want of a wank.
No, this writer hasn’t got her Austens muddled.
Hello reader, heartfelt thanks for even considering giving my book a read, by the way. It’s rather grandiose of me to imagine having actual readers one day but I’m a dreamer, and according to John, I’m not the only one.
Now you’ve got this far, here’s hoping you continue to read, relate and maybe even relish this silly little story. For the most part, of course, it means absolutely nothing. But you never know, perhaps you’ll uncover a universal truth, actually never acknowledged, about what it is to be a woman these days. Yes, Austen, we know your ladies had it hard - cinched into those corsets, suffocated by social etiquette, slow-wittedly swooning away, waiting for some eligible bachelor - ideally in possession of a good fortune - to request the honour of a dance. But, spare us a thought, in this online age; we’re pressured to filter our selfies, almost beyond the point of recognition, in the vain hope of validation from a swipe right, and that’s not to mention the constant whack-a-moling of unsolicited dick pics. We’re just doing our best to navigate ourselves let alone our love lives, sex lives, work lives, home lives, friendships, family relationships, physical health, mental health, menstrual cycle, emotional well-being and financial independence all while in the perpetual pursuit of the perfect pussy.Oh and sorry about the smuttiness. No, really. When this book kind of wrote itself, candour somehow seeped out with it - just like cum down your leg once your gentleman friend has dismounted - meaning that at times, this book is bloody cringe-worthy. So if you are partial to Austen-era prudishness, this may not be the book for you. I’d call it a day now if I were you.
But for all the rest of enjoy. There are another two books in the pipeline.
Anyway, enough from me - I may wink at you a few times on occasion - but this is Emma’s story and I just really hope you love her as much as I do because sometimes I wonder whether that’s all she’s really ever wanted . . .
And Emma just loves fucking men.
Emma (Not that One) is the imperfect story of an imperfect girl. One that isn’t always realistic, is prone to bizarre musing, occasionally loses the plot, tries too hard to be funny and never lets a sexual innuendo pass it by, much like Emma herself.
While this fluff is unashamedly a rom-com, it is also unapologetically authentic in its account of being a single girl, fearful of never finding the one. It explores unfiltered feelings, not the palatable pulp we pump out to avoid being labelled as hysterical. Thankfully the pelvic massage administered by male doctors to treat such conditions has long been left in the Austen-era, nowadays we women know that this very power lay firmly at our fingertips.
And while Emma is quite capable of curating her own climax, she’s still far too desperate for love and it’s this, along with her innate impulsivity, that govern her reckless romantic decisions and the chaos these cause. But even if this devastating desire doesn’t get answered by her many men (and you’ll have to stop perusing the description and part some pages to find that out), hopefully you lovely ladies will fall head over heels for our hopeless heroine.
This could just be the most relatable romantic comedy you’ve ever read. . .
Preview of the Foreword-
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a betrothed woman in possession of a good libido must be in want of a wank.
No, this writer hasn’t got her Austens muddled.
Hello reader, heartfelt thanks for even considering giving my book a read, by the way. It’s rather grandiose of me to imagine having actual readers one day but I’m a dreamer, and according to John, I’m not the only one.
Now you’ve got this far, here’s hoping you continue to read, relate and maybe even relish this silly little story. For the most part, of course, it means absolutely nothing. But you never know, perhaps you’ll uncover a universal truth, actually never acknowledged, about what it is to be a woman these days. Yes, Austen, we know your ladies had it hard - cinched into those corsets, suffocated by social etiquette, slow-wittedly swooning away, waiting for some eligible bachelor - ideally in possession of a good fortune - to request the honour of a dance. But, spare us a thought, in this online age; we’re pressured to filter our selfies, almost beyond the point of recognition, in the vain hope of validation from a swipe right, and that’s not to mention the constant whack-a-moling of unsolicited dick pics. We’re just doing our best to navigate ourselves let alone our love lives, sex lives, work lives, home lives, friendships, family relationships, physical health, mental health, menstrual cycle, emotional well-being and financial independence all while in the perpetual pursuit of the perfect pussy.Oh and sorry about the smuttiness. No, really. When this book kind of wrote itself, candour somehow seeped out with it - just like cum down your leg once your gentleman friend has dismounted - meaning that at times, this book is bloody cringe-worthy. So if you are partial to Austen-era prudishness, this may not be the book for you. I’d call it a day now if I were you.
But for all the rest of enjoy. There are another two books in the pipeline.
Anyway, enough from me - I may wink at you a few times on occasion - but this is Emma’s story and I just really hope you love her as much as I do because sometimes I wonder whether that’s all she’s really ever wanted . . .
451 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 31, 2025
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January 3, 2026
Highly recommend, I feel like Daisy will be an author to watch. This book is such an easy read, very relatable to the modern world of dating, it is full of witty anecdotes and fun.
Displaying 1 of 1 review