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Survivor Stories #3
Spencer
7 hours and 33 minutes
A survivor story
It's been nearly five years since Aaron woke up in the hospital so broken, he couldn't stand the sight of his own face. The flashbacks no longer dominate his life, but he's still unable to find intimacy with his lover, Spencer Thomas. With time, patience, and the support of his family, his therapist, and his loving partner, Aaron has figured out how to live again. The problem is, Spencer hasn't. His life has been on hold as he waits for the day he and Aaron can have a normal relationship. Hoping to move things forward for them both, he takes a job as a programmer in downtown Chicago, leaving Aaron alone.
Reeling in the wake of Spencer's absence, Aaron receives another shock when his attackers are caught.
Now, he must testify and verbalize his worst nightmare. Publicly reliving his trauma without Spencer at his side destroys his precarious control. But he finds someone who can understand and empathize in Jordan, who watched his brother cut down in a school shooting. With Spencer gone and the DA knocking at his door, Aaron seeks solace in Jordan, and Spencer will have to risk everything to hold on to Aaron's love.
A survivor story
It's been nearly five years since Aaron woke up in the hospital so broken, he couldn't stand the sight of his own face. The flashbacks no longer dominate his life, but he's still unable to find intimacy with his lover, Spencer Thomas. With time, patience, and the support of his family, his therapist, and his loving partner, Aaron has figured out how to live again. The problem is, Spencer hasn't. His life has been on hold as he waits for the day he and Aaron can have a normal relationship. Hoping to move things forward for them both, he takes a job as a programmer in downtown Chicago, leaving Aaron alone.
Reeling in the wake of Spencer's absence, Aaron receives another shock when his attackers are caught.
Now, he must testify and verbalize his worst nightmare. Publicly reliving his trauma without Spencer at his side destroys his precarious control. But he finds someone who can understand and empathize in Jordan, who watched his brother cut down in a school shooting. With Spencer gone and the DA knocking at his door, Aaron seeks solace in Jordan, and Spencer will have to risk everything to hold on to Aaron's love.
8 pages, Audible Audio
First published March 20, 2014
11 people are currently reading
517 people want to read
About the author
J.P. Barnaby
51 books581 followersAn award-winning, best-selling novelist of over a dozen books, J. P. Barnaby is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is often described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
July 23, 2016
* SPOILERS *
This book takes place 3 years after the first one. Aaron and Spencer's story continues all the same, Aaron being broken and Spencer trying to cheer him up.
Although I loved the first book, this one had me having a hard time rating it, so I ended up with 3.5 stars, after originally considering 3 stars. The ending made me add another .5 stars, because it was all I had wanted to read from the beginning. Finally Aaron was healing.
Spencer and Aaron both get job offers, after finishing school, but Aaron couldn't imagine to be around other people, let alone work with them, so it is Spencer's obligation to provide money for both of them, money they'll need in the future.
I'd like to say that I understand Aaron's angst and inner war, but he was so unfair to Spencer. He was wrong to feel betrayed by him, for leaving Aaron behind. He did it for the best. Aaron only sulked and did nothing to change his situation or DO ANYTHING to help them have a normal life. I know what he endured is unimaginable, but Spencer is the person who loves him above all, adores him, and Aaron gives nothing in return.
It enraged me so much that Aaron could be at ease so easily with another boy, even as a friend, touch and laugh with him so carelessly, but he always "suffocates" when Spencer tries things with him. It was a moment when I wanted so much Spencer to hook up with another guy, to live his life, be young and carefree, and forget all about Aaron. But he didn't, he never gave up on him, and that's why I adore him so much. He is better than Aaron could ever be. Aaron doesn't deserve him one bit.
I don't know why this book's title is Spencer. He wasn't the MC in this. He was barely a secondary character and I would have liked to read more about him.
Overall, I am happy for both the MCs. Happy that they FINALLY could overcome all their struggles. Happy that they can FINALLY start to live their life together.
This book takes place 3 years after the first one. Aaron and Spencer's story continues all the same, Aaron being broken and Spencer trying to cheer him up.
Although I loved the first book, this one had me having a hard time rating it, so I ended up with 3.5 stars, after originally considering 3 stars. The ending made me add another .5 stars, because it was all I had wanted to read from the beginning. Finally Aaron was healing.
Spencer and Aaron both get job offers, after finishing school, but Aaron couldn't imagine to be around other people, let alone work with them, so it is Spencer's obligation to provide money for both of them, money they'll need in the future.
I'd like to say that I understand Aaron's angst and inner war, but he was so unfair to Spencer. He was wrong to feel betrayed by him, for leaving Aaron behind. He did it for the best. Aaron only sulked and did nothing to change his situation or DO ANYTHING to help them have a normal life. I know what he endured is unimaginable, but Spencer is the person who loves him above all, adores him, and Aaron gives nothing in return.
It enraged me so much that Aaron could be at ease so easily with another boy, even as a friend, touch and laugh with him so carelessly, but he always "suffocates" when Spencer tries things with him. It was a moment when I wanted so much Spencer to hook up with another guy, to live his life, be young and carefree, and forget all about Aaron. But he didn't, he never gave up on him, and that's why I adore him so much. He is better than Aaron could ever be. Aaron doesn't deserve him one bit.
I don't know why this book's title is Spencer. He wasn't the MC in this. He was barely a secondary character and I would have liked to read more about him.
Overall, I am happy for both the MCs. Happy that they FINALLY could overcome all their struggles. Happy that they can FINALLY start to live their life together.
October 20, 2020
Audio 4.5 Stars
Story 3.5 Stars
Story 3.5 Stars
March 27, 2014
☆ ★ 5 Utterly Amazing Stars ★ ☆
Even though Spencer is the third book in the Survivors stories, it’s not necessary to read Painting Fire On The Air first (however I do also recommend that book) but it is essential that you read Aaron first. For me Aaron is a classic in the M/M genre and a must read for any fan of gay romance… I have recommended this book to friends and readers countless times… quite simply it’s profound!
It is a rare talent when an author consumes your very soul with their writing, when they make you feel as though nothing in your world exists outside the pages of their book. Where the lives of the characters are all encompassing and you empathise with each and every emotion as though they were your own, incapable of seeing any further than the next page. For me JP Barnaby is such an author… and Aaron is that book. Although Spencer doesn’t have the same power and overwhelming emotional intensity of it’s predecessor… it’s impact never the less is just as outstanding, although totally different in nature. As a reader you can only have your heart wrung out so much before it needs putting back together. We started that healing process in Aaron, and Spencer is the long awaited continuation of that gut wrenching tale, still heart-breaking and emotional in it’s rendition, but this is the next step of the journey, their liberation as it were, finally breaking free of those psychological boundaries, the pain and torment of the past which had for so long dictated their lives. Purging the demons that controlled Aarons sad and empty existence, preventing them both from moving forward with their relationship.
When we first meet up again with Aaron and Spencer they are three years into their relationship, still a million miles from normal, yet the tiny steps they have achieved in that time seem like milestones. They have both grown as characters and men, no longer teenagers yet still both naive, Aaron obviously more so, with his innocence almost childlike, having sheltered and cocooned themselves in Aarons world due to his fears and anxieties.
When their joint creation of Spaaron see’s them head hunted, offering them an opportunity and money far beyond their wildest dreams. Of course, it’s a step too far for Aaron, but for Spencer it was a heady feeling… the recognition and job offer for his talent without the stigma of his disability being an issue, his chance to no longer be the freak, at twenty one, was more than he had hoped for. But it was a life he wanted to share with Aaron, he wanted it for both of them… without Aaron, despite the dream, it was empty.
Spencer is honest enough to question himself on all he had given up so far to be with Aaron, and admit that he missed having friends, going out and all the aspects of his life that were now no longer possible… the guy is near as damn perfect in my eyes, but he is also fallible and I loved that about him. But despite all of that, his love for Aaron far outweighs anything that has come before in his life. So when he takes the job offered… for him it was a leap of faith, that what he was doing would give them both the push they need, yet despite that he is still wracked with guilt at the feeling he is abandoning an already fragile Aaron.
Spencer moving caused a desolation and loneliness in Aaron that clung to him like the darkness after the attack. Aware he was behaving like a petulant child, his emotions were in conflict. Causing paranoia and guilt at his inability to be intimate with Spencer, or even be the boyfriend he perceived Spencer desired and needed. Anger and pain at the feeling of abandonment despite the fact he doesn’t want to hold Spencer back and resigned to losing Spencer to the bright lights, friends and opportunities he will have in the city. Frustration at the fears and anxieties that were confining him… desolate, lonely and drowning in the hopelessness of his future and even more so if that future did not contain Spencer.
The love these two have for each other, the sheer depth, emotion and selflessness of it is awe inspiring… it consumes them, as though one could not exist without the other. And there lay the problem. The insecurities and the vulnerability caused by their separation, despite their declarations of love and forever, instead of giving them the confidence to move forward, the distance between them was only causing more fissures on the already shaky ground they were walking. Only compounded, as events transpire to see Aarons world start to implode, losing the security, comfort and routine he had worked so hard to achieve. But, Aaron is stronger than he gives himself credit for, yes, he has moments where he feels he can’t push past those dark images from his past, and thoughts of escaping from the world he finds so hard to live in seem more prevalent in his mind. However it is his strength of will, determination and his love for Spencer that keep him pushing forward.
There is a cameo role in Spencer from Zach Tyler, one of the main MC’s in Finding Zach by Rowen Speedwell. Which I have to say is another heart wrenching excellent survivor story. Yes, another book to add to that never ending TBR! I liked how his tale of coping and surviving the aftermath of his own rape, torture and abuse was cathartic in enforcing Aarons courage and strength to look to the future and take control of his life, rather than let the pain of the past rule his very being.
I can’t recommend this book or JP Barnaby enough and as I explained earlier, reading Aaron first is a MUST but be assured you will not be disappointed and can storm ahead with Spencer straight after… because believe me, it has been a very long two years waiting for this book! And… I know, I’m now being greedy, as I have just consumed this recent fix of my boys, but they have reached another salient point in their lives, each one making my spirits soar and my heart sing, but I am not ready to let them go… I don’t want to say goodbye just yet!
Even though Spencer is the third book in the Survivors stories, it’s not necessary to read Painting Fire On The Air first (however I do also recommend that book) but it is essential that you read Aaron first. For me Aaron is a classic in the M/M genre and a must read for any fan of gay romance… I have recommended this book to friends and readers countless times… quite simply it’s profound!
It is a rare talent when an author consumes your very soul with their writing, when they make you feel as though nothing in your world exists outside the pages of their book. Where the lives of the characters are all encompassing and you empathise with each and every emotion as though they were your own, incapable of seeing any further than the next page. For me JP Barnaby is such an author… and Aaron is that book. Although Spencer doesn’t have the same power and overwhelming emotional intensity of it’s predecessor… it’s impact never the less is just as outstanding, although totally different in nature. As a reader you can only have your heart wrung out so much before it needs putting back together. We started that healing process in Aaron, and Spencer is the long awaited continuation of that gut wrenching tale, still heart-breaking and emotional in it’s rendition, but this is the next step of the journey, their liberation as it were, finally breaking free of those psychological boundaries, the pain and torment of the past which had for so long dictated their lives. Purging the demons that controlled Aarons sad and empty existence, preventing them both from moving forward with their relationship.
When we first meet up again with Aaron and Spencer they are three years into their relationship, still a million miles from normal, yet the tiny steps they have achieved in that time seem like milestones. They have both grown as characters and men, no longer teenagers yet still both naive, Aaron obviously more so, with his innocence almost childlike, having sheltered and cocooned themselves in Aarons world due to his fears and anxieties.
When their joint creation of Spaaron see’s them head hunted, offering them an opportunity and money far beyond their wildest dreams. Of course, it’s a step too far for Aaron, but for Spencer it was a heady feeling… the recognition and job offer for his talent without the stigma of his disability being an issue, his chance to no longer be the freak, at twenty one, was more than he had hoped for. But it was a life he wanted to share with Aaron, he wanted it for both of them… without Aaron, despite the dream, it was empty.
Spencer is honest enough to question himself on all he had given up so far to be with Aaron, and admit that he missed having friends, going out and all the aspects of his life that were now no longer possible… the guy is near as damn perfect in my eyes, but he is also fallible and I loved that about him. But despite all of that, his love for Aaron far outweighs anything that has come before in his life. So when he takes the job offered… for him it was a leap of faith, that what he was doing would give them both the push they need, yet despite that he is still wracked with guilt at the feeling he is abandoning an already fragile Aaron.
Spencer moving caused a desolation and loneliness in Aaron that clung to him like the darkness after the attack. Aware he was behaving like a petulant child, his emotions were in conflict. Causing paranoia and guilt at his inability to be intimate with Spencer, or even be the boyfriend he perceived Spencer desired and needed. Anger and pain at the feeling of abandonment despite the fact he doesn’t want to hold Spencer back and resigned to losing Spencer to the bright lights, friends and opportunities he will have in the city. Frustration at the fears and anxieties that were confining him… desolate, lonely and drowning in the hopelessness of his future and even more so if that future did not contain Spencer.
The love these two have for each other, the sheer depth, emotion and selflessness of it is awe inspiring… it consumes them, as though one could not exist without the other. And there lay the problem. The insecurities and the vulnerability caused by their separation, despite their declarations of love and forever, instead of giving them the confidence to move forward, the distance between them was only causing more fissures on the already shaky ground they were walking. Only compounded, as events transpire to see Aarons world start to implode, losing the security, comfort and routine he had worked so hard to achieve. But, Aaron is stronger than he gives himself credit for, yes, he has moments where he feels he can’t push past those dark images from his past, and thoughts of escaping from the world he finds so hard to live in seem more prevalent in his mind. However it is his strength of will, determination and his love for Spencer that keep him pushing forward.
There is a cameo role in Spencer from Zach Tyler, one of the main MC’s in Finding Zach by Rowen Speedwell. Which I have to say is another heart wrenching excellent survivor story. Yes, another book to add to that never ending TBR! I liked how his tale of coping and surviving the aftermath of his own rape, torture and abuse was cathartic in enforcing Aarons courage and strength to look to the future and take control of his life, rather than let the pain of the past rule his very being.
I can’t recommend this book or JP Barnaby enough and as I explained earlier, reading Aaron first is a MUST but be assured you will not be disappointed and can storm ahead with Spencer straight after… because believe me, it has been a very long two years waiting for this book! And… I know, I’m now being greedy, as I have just consumed this recent fix of my boys, but they have reached another salient point in their lives, each one making my spirits soar and my heart sing, but I am not ready to let them go… I don’t want to say goodbye just yet!
July 16, 2015
The story practically continues in the point Aaron ended. Yeah, 5 years have passed, but there is a status quo in which the characters have stayed for years. Aaron's mind health has improved, but not all the way to be able to have a complete relationship. I like the sweetness of the characters and situations, and I have a weakness for cute characters.
Aaron and Spencer have a routine, but one day that ends. A company offers a job to both of them, and Spencer accepts. Allen leaves for university, leaving Aaron alone to deal with Anthony's problems. The mother is stressed at some family disease. And if that was not enough, the three guys who abused Aaron and his friend come back. Aaron's world turns upside down and he has to find a way to cope with it all. That happens in the first 100 pages. The following 100 are about seeing all the characters breaking and healing, once and again. Aaron follows the shrink's advice and contacts other broken people like him and he meets Jordan. I liked Jordan pretty much, and although he's straight (or is he?) I want to know more about him in his own book (could it be written?).
There is a surprise at some moment of the book.
The book is quite short, so I was all the time wondering how was the author going to resolve everything in so little space, but she did. Sort of. Well, not really. But I liked Aaron more than this one, despite all the mistakes about Spencer's dealing with his handicap. But both books could be considered one together.
You people already know I take deafness quite seriously, and you could accuse me of it being some kind of obsession for me but that's precisely why I just can't shut up.
In this book Spencer has an app in the mobile phone that translates what is being said into written words during the trial. Now, I have some doubts about this. First, it is a trial, so Spencer doesn't sit near the lawyer or the witness or the defendant or whoever participates in it. There is a Shazam app, do yo know it? It's a very useful one, when you are listening to a song you like you activate it and if you get the phone closer to the speaker it identifies the song with the lyrics and even you can see youtube videos and the like. Well, I don't know yours but when I want to do that I have to put the smartphone VERY close to the loudspeaker because if it's far the Shazam thing tells you it can't do it and you should try to get closer. Do you really think this translator speaking-writing thing will be able to catch the voice better than Super Shazam from a distance? I seriously doubt it. Secondly, that translating thing... would it work with no mistakes at all in the writing? If that was the case, I think everybody would be using them instead of taking notes in class like crazy! Thirdly, I found out the app actually exists, but it costs $150 a year. Now I know why my mates don't use it.
Another subject, Spencer is invited to go clubbing with some people at work. He meets one guy and they dance together and suprise, suprise... he knows ASL! Because he has a deaf sister! Why there always is such a coincidence in these stories? I didn't know you had a higher probability of meeting a person who speaks ASL than one who speaks Mandarin Chinese.
Now I'm not going to criticize Spencer's character again. You can read it in my review of Aaron. But I should add that the other day I found in my notes from Pediatrics something that is quite interesting. It said deaf children tend to maintain infantilized behavior and histrionics when they grow up and it hit right to the core, as I know some deaf people around 30 years old who are exactly like that. That's part of why you almost immediately sense something different about them. But course it's just a little detail and the tip of the iceberg so today I decided to research a bit, using Spanish and English sites alike and in short, this is what I found: deaf people have a tendency towards lack of understanding and acceptance not only about language but about other people's feelings and perspectives and society's rules. They also have a lack of motivation to learn and have very poor quality in language and its structure. They have self-steem problems and the feeling that nobody understand them, which is a reason they develop a kind of egocentrism. They have more chances to develop behavioral disorders and depression and sometimes they can be quite impulsive because they can't calculate the consequences of their actions as they have a lacking in the abstract thinking. And something quite curious: they are quite unable to listen and make a task at the same time. I feel kind of identified with a few of these things but in a lesser degree, as I'm far to be a deaf per se. So just guess what a profound deaf person like Spencer must be feeling.
Spencer has none of these qualities I mentioned above.
Don't get it wrong, don't get romantic ideas about deaf people, it's not only a person who doesn't hear, the important issues are the consequences of that lacking. I'm pro-cochlear implants forever.
PS: I'm not really that bitchy while reading books, in fact, I quite pass over this kind of mistakes in most of the books I read. But I can't let this one go. The day I find a real deaf character will be a day to celebrate.
January 11, 2016
This gave me the end i need when i finished the first book.
OMG what a journey people, this book it gave me so many emotions, my feelings, i kind of need therapy right now.
And that wasn't all, oh no, Zach Tyler Appeared in this book. ZACH FUCKING TYLER from Finding Zach I not only had to watch Spencer and Aaron suffer his demons oh no, Zach had to appear and Remember me the beautiful Story from Zach Tyler.
I love it, i fucking love it
OMG what a journey people, this book it gave me so many emotions, my feelings, i kind of need therapy right now.
And that wasn't all, oh no, Zach Tyler Appeared in this book. ZACH FUCKING TYLER from Finding Zach I not only had to watch Spencer and Aaron suffer his demons oh no, Zach had to appear and Remember me the beautiful Story from Zach Tyler.
I love it, i fucking love it
September 11, 2016
Excellent BR with Alona!
This is a great follow up to Aaron. I'm not going to say anything else other than, if you read and loved that book, this book will make you very happy.
This is a great follow up to Aaron. I'm not going to say anything else other than, if you read and loved that book, this book will make you very happy.
November 26, 2014
I have Nick to hold my hand!
I'm ready!
I'm ready!
December 6, 2018
Final Rating: 4.5/5
Barnaby, if you wanted to kill me, you did a find job putting Zach from Finding Zach in it cause damn i'm now a trainwreck after a storm.
Anyway, this is a direct sequel to Aaron, even if it's happening 3 years later. Which was great, because the flow of the story (or the recovery process for both of them) is more realistic.
Everyone has to find a way to deal with their own trauma, but if this becomes too much on the people that care about you, you start to feel unwanted and and not worth their time. It's a common self-depreciation and self-hate over something that you had no control of and it's hard to recover that control and that part of yourself.
This one is dealing with that: abandonment and control. It's one of the topics that had to be talked about and solved, because Aaron is lucky: lucky to find a person that really, really loves him.
Also their families. All of them have problems. All of them had gotten screwed over by their lives with tragedy taking place. In Aaron's family: they lost their oldest son and had gotten only a shell of him back. This doesn't sit well for his younger brothers, because they don't know exactly what happened and therefore react differently than those who know.
Or Henry Thomas, Spencer's father, who is now on AA and trying so hard to get rid of alcohol from his system, who finds a girlfriend, and uses his research of Aaron to help other victims to find reasons to live.
And finally, on Aaron and Spencer themselves:
Aaron is trying his best, but it comes hard and he is still not figuring out how to completely get himself or his control back. Even after 3 years, except he is now able to function much more and much better than before.
When an offer comes to work for a big company, and it comes to both of them, Spencer accepts: except it requires him to move out and Aaron's world comes crushing down.
But they will survive, because if there is something about both of them, it's that they are survivors, but they must face challenges.
It's all about getting your control back, of recovery, of joy found in right people, of support and love.
What i loved is that it dealt with missing stuff from the first book, therefore concluding part of the story and getting rid of some demons.
Excellent book, moving on to the next one!
⚠ TYPE OF SERIES: series
⚠ Point of View: third pov, 2 povs
⚠ Cliffhanger: no
⚠ Triggers: rape recovery
⚠ Love triangle: no
⚠ Angst: 70%
⚠ Supernatural: no
⚠ Explicit content: yes
◈ Aaron (Survivor Stories #1)
◈ Ben (Survivor Stories, #2)
◈ Spencer (Survivor Stories #3)
◈ Anthony (Survivor Stories, #4)
◈ Sophie (Survivor Stories, #5)
The scars didn't matter. Aaron's body, his heart, and his soul were so fucking beautiful.
Barnaby, if you wanted to kill me, you did a find job putting Zach from Finding Zach in it cause damn i'm now a trainwreck after a storm.
Anyway, this is a direct sequel to Aaron, even if it's happening 3 years later. Which was great, because the flow of the story (or the recovery process for both of them) is more realistic.
Everyone has to find a way to deal with their own trauma, but if this becomes too much on the people that care about you, you start to feel unwanted and and not worth their time. It's a common self-depreciation and self-hate over something that you had no control of and it's hard to recover that control and that part of yourself.
►►► STORY & CHARACTERS:
This one is dealing with that: abandonment and control. It's one of the topics that had to be talked about and solved, because Aaron is lucky: lucky to find a person that really, really loves him.
Also their families. All of them have problems. All of them had gotten screwed over by their lives with tragedy taking place. In Aaron's family: they lost their oldest son and had gotten only a shell of him back. This doesn't sit well for his younger brothers, because they don't know exactly what happened and therefore react differently than those who know.
Or Henry Thomas, Spencer's father, who is now on AA and trying so hard to get rid of alcohol from his system, who finds a girlfriend, and uses his research of Aaron to help other victims to find reasons to live.
And finally, on Aaron and Spencer themselves:
Aaron is trying his best, but it comes hard and he is still not figuring out how to completely get himself or his control back. Even after 3 years, except he is now able to function much more and much better than before.
When an offer comes to work for a big company, and it comes to both of them, Spencer accepts: except it requires him to move out and Aaron's world comes crushing down.
But they will survive, because if there is something about both of them, it's that they are survivors, but they must face challenges.
►►► OVERALL:
It's all about getting your control back, of recovery, of joy found in right people, of support and love.
What i loved is that it dealt with missing stuff from the first book, therefore concluding part of the story and getting rid of some demons.
Excellent book, moving on to the next one!
►►► OTHER IMPORTANT INFO:
⚠ TYPE OF SERIES: series
⚠ Point of View: third pov, 2 povs
⚠ Cliffhanger: no
⚠ Triggers: rape recovery
⚠ Love triangle: no
⚠ Angst: 70%
⚠ Supernatural: no
⚠ Explicit content: yes
►►► REVIEW(S) RELATED TO THIS BOOK:
◈ Aaron (Survivor Stories #1)
◈ Ben (Survivor Stories, #2)
◈ Spencer (Survivor Stories #3)
◈ Anthony (Survivor Stories, #4)
◈ Sophie (Survivor Stories, #5)
December 18, 2014
He didn't know if Aaron would be able to hold down a job, and he wanted to be able to provide for them. Aaron might not believe it, but Spencer wanted them to be forever.
First if all, I'm not sure that the official blurb does this book justice. I was unsure how I felt about these things going into Spencer. I am so glad I went with my gut feeling and knew I had to see how two of my favourite characters were travelling - Aaron was one of my books of the year two years ago.
Aaron is still scarred but making headway - some steps forward, some steps back - and Spencer is still a caring, sweet soul, albeit (understandably) struggling three years on and not having sexual intimacy, needing to also find some independence at twenty one. He loves Aaron and wants to make a life for them, one where he realises that Aaron may not be able to work and he may have to step up on that front. The book is well written, well paced, and while not as emotionally intense as Aaron, it pulls at the heart.
If you loved Aaron, Spencer is a must read. J P Barnaby has really done justice to two memorable, beautiful characters and their relationship. 5 stars all the way.
Full review at http://ontopdownunderbookreviews.com/...
First if all, I'm not sure that the official blurb does this book justice. I was unsure how I felt about these things going into Spencer. I am so glad I went with my gut feeling and knew I had to see how two of my favourite characters were travelling - Aaron was one of my books of the year two years ago.
Aaron is still scarred but making headway - some steps forward, some steps back - and Spencer is still a caring, sweet soul, albeit (understandably) struggling three years on and not having sexual intimacy, needing to also find some independence at twenty one. He loves Aaron and wants to make a life for them, one where he realises that Aaron may not be able to work and he may have to step up on that front. The book is well written, well paced, and while not as emotionally intense as Aaron, it pulls at the heart.
If you loved Aaron, Spencer is a must read. J P Barnaby has really done justice to two memorable, beautiful characters and their relationship. 5 stars all the way.
Full review at http://ontopdownunderbookreviews.com/...
December 23, 2022
To be honest I've waited a long time to read 'Spencer' book three in J.P. Barnaby's 'Survivor Stories' series. Why? Well, book one, 'Aaron', devastated me and book two, 'Ben', brought me to my knees. These are emotional, heart shattering novels, and no matter how beautifully written or how much I love them, they leave an imprint that doesn't go away. Hence my long time in between novels.
"Aaron’s emotional and physical damage stood like a wall between them and their future. It seemed to grow instead of shrink with each passing year."
There are so many, many issues going on in this book. Spencer's put his life on hold and essentially become a hermit for three years to be with Aaron. He loves Aaron. He loves him so much it's overwhelming sometimes. Spencer understands exactly what to do, what to say, what not to do, and definitely what not to say to keep Aaron from panicking. But there's this little niggle in the back of his mind which in my opinion was only human. The one that tells him Aaron is never going to leave his comfort zone.
Aaron loves Spencer. He wants to be normal. He wants to be everything Spencer needs. Aaron just knows that someday Spencer will leave him, exhausted from dealing with all of Aaron's problems. Aaron has that little voice in the back of his head, too, telling him that if none of his terror had happened, the old Aaron wouldn't have looked twice at Spencer. Doesn't that just increase his dark thoughts about himself? Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy that Spencer does leave to take a job in the city? Aaron can't hold him back. How would that be fair?
"He wanted to make things better for Aaron, not worse. Maybe this would make them both grow up a little. Maybe it was the jolt their relationship needed to move forward again.
Maybe he was just a selfish prick."
It was truly heart breaking to walk with Aaron and Spencer through Spencer moving away, Aaron finding out his abusers and Juliette's murderers had been caught and he would need to stand trial, Spencer's jealousy when Aaron makes a friend in Jordan, another PTSD survivor, and watching Aaron do what he thinks he has to in order to not lose Spencer. I'll admit there were some moments in the beginning of this book where I didn't like Spencer very much. Luckily he redeemed himself in a big way over the course of the story.
Everything about this book was tragic and beautiful. The strength that it took for Aaron to face his rapists and for Spencer to stand by his side simply awed me. This is not an easy book, or series, to read but I can't recommend it enough.
"Aaron’s emotional and physical damage stood like a wall between them and their future. It seemed to grow instead of shrink with each passing year."
There are so many, many issues going on in this book. Spencer's put his life on hold and essentially become a hermit for three years to be with Aaron. He loves Aaron. He loves him so much it's overwhelming sometimes. Spencer understands exactly what to do, what to say, what not to do, and definitely what not to say to keep Aaron from panicking. But there's this little niggle in the back of his mind which in my opinion was only human. The one that tells him Aaron is never going to leave his comfort zone.
Aaron loves Spencer. He wants to be normal. He wants to be everything Spencer needs. Aaron just knows that someday Spencer will leave him, exhausted from dealing with all of Aaron's problems. Aaron has that little voice in the back of his head, too, telling him that if none of his terror had happened, the old Aaron wouldn't have looked twice at Spencer. Doesn't that just increase his dark thoughts about himself? Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy that Spencer does leave to take a job in the city? Aaron can't hold him back. How would that be fair?
"He wanted to make things better for Aaron, not worse. Maybe this would make them both grow up a little. Maybe it was the jolt their relationship needed to move forward again.
Maybe he was just a selfish prick."
It was truly heart breaking to walk with Aaron and Spencer through Spencer moving away, Aaron finding out his abusers and Juliette's murderers had been caught and he would need to stand trial, Spencer's jealousy when Aaron makes a friend in Jordan, another PTSD survivor, and watching Aaron do what he thinks he has to in order to not lose Spencer. I'll admit there were some moments in the beginning of this book where I didn't like Spencer very much. Luckily he redeemed himself in a big way over the course of the story.
Everything about this book was tragic and beautiful. The strength that it took for Aaron to face his rapists and for Spencer to stand by his side simply awed me. This is not an easy book, or series, to read but I can't recommend it enough.
March 24, 2014
Why the hell didn't I have this on my tbr yet.....I've been dying to read it since I finished Aaron last year.
:snoopy dancing:
Only a week to go!
------5 Emotionally Gut Wrenching yet Totally Empowering & Beautifully Written Stars!!
*thoughts soon*
:snoopy dancing:
Only a week to go!
------5 Emotionally Gut Wrenching yet Totally Empowering & Beautifully Written Stars!!
*thoughts soon*
December 13, 2025
Après une petite incursion pour suivre Ben, nous retrouvons Aaron et Spencer, trois ans après la fin du premier tome (qu'il vaut mieux avoir lu, ce tome étant la continuité de leur histoire).
Tout juste diplômé, Spencer se voit contacté par firme de Chicago qui veut les embaucher, Aaron et lui, pour développer à grande échelle l'application qu'ils ont créé, celle qui les a fait se rencontrer, se rapprocher, s’apprivoiser et s'aimer.
Et si pour Aaron il n'est pas question de quitter son univers, Spencer voit loin : il se dit que vu le gros montant que la société leur offre pour racheter leur appli et le salaire qu'il pourrait se faire pour bosser sur le développement et le lancement de leur bébé, ça pourrait leur permettre d'être indépendant et ça pourrait aussi lui permettre de prendre soin d'Aaron, et d'assurer ainsi leur avenir.
Mais pour ça, il faut quitter la ville et partir à deux heures de route. C'est pas si loin, mais ça veut dire prendre un appartement sur place, être indépendant, se créer un cercle qui n'appartient qu'à lui ... et laisser Aaron, ne plus le voir tous les jours mais une fois tous les quinze jours... et ça signifie aussi, quelque part, recommencer à vivre, lui dont la vie toute entière tourne autour de son petit-ami qui est incapable de sortir, de voir des gens, d'être un jeune homme de vingt ans comme les autres.
Aaron le pousse à accepter, convaincu au fond de lui que de toutes façons, Spencer finira par rencontrer quelqu'un de "normal", quelqu'un qui ne l'aimera peut-être pas autant que lui aime Spencer mais quelqu'un qui sera capable de faire l'amour avec lui, de lui donner la relation dont il a envie.
Commence alors un chemin un peu difficile pour les deux garçons, entre Spencer qui découvre l'indépendance, les relations professionnelles avec des gens sympas avec qui il va au restau, des collègues avec qui il sort boire un verre, danser... ce qui l'amène à rencontrer d'autres personnes... et Aaron qui, encouragé par son psy de beau-père à communiquer avec des victimes, comme lui, qui sympathise avec un jeune homme qui habite juste à côté de chez lui.
Mais un coup de théâtre vient tout ébranler : les agresseurs d'Aaron sont arrêtés et le jeune homme est la seule victime à avoir survécu. Pour être certains d'obtenir une condamnation, le jeune homme doit témoigner, doit raconter tout ce qui s'est passé il y a 5 ans.
J'ai trouvé dans ce tome ce qui m'avait manqué dans le premier opus : la suite de la relation des deux jeunes hommes, qui n'est bien entendue pas toute rose, malgré tout l'amour qu'ils se portent. Aaron, malgré des progrès immenses, n'arrive toujours pas à être intime avec Spencer, ce qui le démolit, persuadé qu'il est que son petit-ami va le quitter. Quand à Spencer, sa vie s'est mise en pause quand il a rencontré Aaron et tout tourne autour de son petit-ami, il s'est littéralement oublié pour n'exister qu'à travers les miettes qu'Aaron arrive à lui donner.
Et ce procès qui arrive, qui plonge Aaron dans un abime de douleur et de honte, lui qui refuse de parler de ce qui s'est passé, lui qui n'arrive toujours pas à prononcer le mot viol.
J'ai aimé retrouver deux personnages croisés dans le roman de Rowan Speedwell, Pour Zach, lu il y a fort fort longtemps mais dont je me souvenais et dont l'univers finalement collait plutôt bien avec cette série, et constater qu'ils s'en sont sortis.
Bref, encore un tome plutôt difficile à lire, les émotions des deux garçons sont brutales, fortes, mais l'auteur nous offre quand même une évolution dans leur histoire plutôt positive, même si tout n'est pas réglé (et ne le sera sans doute jamais vraiment).
J'ai hâte maintenant d'en savoir plus sur Anthony, l'enfant sacrifié dans le sous-sol.
Tout juste diplômé, Spencer se voit contacté par firme de Chicago qui veut les embaucher, Aaron et lui, pour développer à grande échelle l'application qu'ils ont créé, celle qui les a fait se rencontrer, se rapprocher, s’apprivoiser et s'aimer.
Et si pour Aaron il n'est pas question de quitter son univers, Spencer voit loin : il se dit que vu le gros montant que la société leur offre pour racheter leur appli et le salaire qu'il pourrait se faire pour bosser sur le développement et le lancement de leur bébé, ça pourrait leur permettre d'être indépendant et ça pourrait aussi lui permettre de prendre soin d'Aaron, et d'assurer ainsi leur avenir.
Mais pour ça, il faut quitter la ville et partir à deux heures de route. C'est pas si loin, mais ça veut dire prendre un appartement sur place, être indépendant, se créer un cercle qui n'appartient qu'à lui ... et laisser Aaron, ne plus le voir tous les jours mais une fois tous les quinze jours... et ça signifie aussi, quelque part, recommencer à vivre, lui dont la vie toute entière tourne autour de son petit-ami qui est incapable de sortir, de voir des gens, d'être un jeune homme de vingt ans comme les autres.
Aaron le pousse à accepter, convaincu au fond de lui que de toutes façons, Spencer finira par rencontrer quelqu'un de "normal", quelqu'un qui ne l'aimera peut-être pas autant que lui aime Spencer mais quelqu'un qui sera capable de faire l'amour avec lui, de lui donner la relation dont il a envie.
Commence alors un chemin un peu difficile pour les deux garçons, entre Spencer qui découvre l'indépendance, les relations professionnelles avec des gens sympas avec qui il va au restau, des collègues avec qui il sort boire un verre, danser... ce qui l'amène à rencontrer d'autres personnes... et Aaron qui, encouragé par son psy de beau-père à communiquer avec des victimes, comme lui, qui sympathise avec un jeune homme qui habite juste à côté de chez lui.
Mais un coup de théâtre vient tout ébranler : les agresseurs d'Aaron sont arrêtés et le jeune homme est la seule victime à avoir survécu. Pour être certains d'obtenir une condamnation, le jeune homme doit témoigner, doit raconter tout ce qui s'est passé il y a 5 ans.
J'ai trouvé dans ce tome ce qui m'avait manqué dans le premier opus : la suite de la relation des deux jeunes hommes, qui n'est bien entendue pas toute rose, malgré tout l'amour qu'ils se portent. Aaron, malgré des progrès immenses, n'arrive toujours pas à être intime avec Spencer, ce qui le démolit, persuadé qu'il est que son petit-ami va le quitter. Quand à Spencer, sa vie s'est mise en pause quand il a rencontré Aaron et tout tourne autour de son petit-ami, il s'est littéralement oublié pour n'exister qu'à travers les miettes qu'Aaron arrive à lui donner.
Et ce procès qui arrive, qui plonge Aaron dans un abime de douleur et de honte, lui qui refuse de parler de ce qui s'est passé, lui qui n'arrive toujours pas à prononcer le mot viol.
J'ai aimé retrouver deux personnages croisés dans le roman de Rowan Speedwell, Pour Zach, lu il y a fort fort longtemps mais dont je me souvenais et dont l'univers finalement collait plutôt bien avec cette série, et constater qu'ils s'en sont sortis.
Bref, encore un tome plutôt difficile à lire, les émotions des deux garçons sont brutales, fortes, mais l'auteur nous offre quand même une évolution dans leur histoire plutôt positive, même si tout n'est pas réglé (et ne le sera sans doute jamais vraiment).
J'ai hâte maintenant d'en savoir plus sur Anthony, l'enfant sacrifié dans le sous-sol.
July 28, 2014
After reading the tear-jerker Aaron I was in love with both flawed and damaged boys. I just wanted to give them both a hug.
I also loved the relationship between Aaron and his mother and Aaron and his brothers. Even the relationship between Spencer and his dad showed promise but I wanted to know more. I wasn't ready for the story to end. Sure the boys had found each other and were beginning their healing and that was good enough for book one but I wanted to spend more time with these characters and their families.
So I immediately went on to this, the sequel, and I was not disappointed. This book is more about permanence than discovery. About building a relationship and healing. Also, there were noticeable areas in the first book that were flawed as to plot and I felt that more research should have been done by the author in a number of problem areas. Those types of flaws were all pretty much missing from this book. All of the characters that I so loved in the first book are back and most are moving forward in their lives. They also continue to be folks that I enjoyed spending time with.
There's even a new character, Jordan who has a story of his own that I'd love to know more about.
It should be noted that while this book is listed as being the third in a series, book two seems to be totally unrelated. It's entirely possible to enjoy books one and three without reading book two. I know that I did.
I also loved the relationship between Aaron and his mother and Aaron and his brothers. Even the relationship between Spencer and his dad showed promise but I wanted to know more. I wasn't ready for the story to end. Sure the boys had found each other and were beginning their healing and that was good enough for book one but I wanted to spend more time with these characters and their families.
So I immediately went on to this, the sequel, and I was not disappointed. This book is more about permanence than discovery. About building a relationship and healing. Also, there were noticeable areas in the first book that were flawed as to plot and I felt that more research should have been done by the author in a number of problem areas. Those types of flaws were all pretty much missing from this book. All of the characters that I so loved in the first book are back and most are moving forward in their lives. They also continue to be folks that I enjoyed spending time with.
There's even a new character, Jordan who has a story of his own that I'd love to know more about.
It should be noted that while this book is listed as being the third in a series, book two seems to be totally unrelated. It's entirely possible to enjoy books one and three without reading book two. I know that I did.
March 26, 2014
I really loved this book. I don't even know what to say, just that I loved every minute of this... even the parts that made my heart hurt, my tears fall. I'd hoped for a return to the lives of these boys. I'd prayed that Spencer would be the one to continue to help Aaron get past his demons. While family and friends bring this story full circle, it's Spencer that is the driving force. He always has been.
The addition of Rowan Speedwell's Zach in this story was perfect. I absolutely love Finding Zach. J.P. brought him into this story at the perfect time and place. Zach gave Aaron the best advice he could ever receive. One survivor to another. I'm pretty sure that's the part where I cried the hardest.
This is truly a survivor story. It's wonderful. It's beautiful. It's love on the page.
The addition of Rowan Speedwell's Zach in this story was perfect. I absolutely love Finding Zach. J.P. brought him into this story at the perfect time and place. Zach gave Aaron the best advice he could ever receive. One survivor to another. I'm pretty sure that's the part where I cried the hardest.
This is truly a survivor story. It's wonderful. It's beautiful. It's love on the page.
August 15, 2014
I skipped over the second book in this series for the time being. I'll go back and pick it up at some point, but I really wanted to read more about Aaron and Spencer to see how they end up. This was a fantastic conclusion to Aaron's and Spencer's story! If the first book was about hope, this one was about triumph. After 3 years together, Spencer and Aaron have settled into a routine. The problem is that Aaron hasn't broken out of his comfort zone and Spencer is getting restless. They love each other, but sometime that isn't enough.
So much happens in this book, and it's intense at times. My heart broke a little bit for both Spencer and Aaron while Spencer was working in the city. It's not easy being away from those you love and it isn't easy to be apart from your support system. Add that to the huge stress of the people responsible for Juliet's death and Aaron's physical and mental injuries and I'm a bit awed that Aaron made it through. Definitely worth the read.
So much happens in this book, and it's intense at times. My heart broke a little bit for both Spencer and Aaron while Spencer was working in the city. It's not easy being away from those you love and it isn't easy to be apart from your support system. Add that to the huge stress of the people responsible for Juliet's death and Aaron's physical and mental injuries and I'm a bit awed that Aaron made it through. Definitely worth the read.
October 2, 2014
Without a moments hesitation, I've given each of the three stories thus far in the series 5 stars. Please Ms. Barnaby, tell me there will be more in this series.
Book three continues the love story of Aaron and Spencer and finally gives Arron closure for the trauma of his abduction. The relationship is put under great strain as the abductors have been caught and Aaron must face reliving the events in front of a jury. Oh, dear God, I can't imagine having to do that. My heart was breaking as these two try so hard to make their relationship work through separation and doubts.
If you've read book one, you must read this one. Outstanding!
Book three continues the love story of Aaron and Spencer and finally gives Arron closure for the trauma of his abduction. The relationship is put under great strain as the abductors have been caught and Aaron must face reliving the events in front of a jury. Oh, dear God, I can't imagine having to do that. My heart was breaking as these two try so hard to make their relationship work through separation and doubts.
If you've read book one, you must read this one. Outstanding!
January 21, 2015
Just wow, but ***Severe TRIGGER WARNING for rape, torture and PTSD
These books are just so intense and I hope they're not considered YA!!
They are excellent, amazing book, the MC SUFFERING is from severe PTSD that occurred when he was 16 years old.
I can't go into anything without giving anything away.
These books are just so intense and I hope they're not considered YA!!
They are excellent, amazing book, the MC SUFFERING is from severe PTSD that occurred when he was 16 years old.
I can't go into anything without giving anything away.
October 22, 2014
Note: This audiobook was provided to me by the publisher through Hearts on Fire Reviews in exchange for an impartial review.
Caution - there's lots of detail in my review so if you don't want to know what happens, don't read the full review.
Once in a while a story comes along that grabs me in the heart and won’t let go. Aaron was one of those stories, and though I didn’t think anything could surpass it, Spencer is at least equal to, if not better than, that one.
I had the privilege of listening to the audiobook for review for Hearts on Fire Reviews and I’m very happy to say that the voice of narrator Tyler Stevens was everything I could have hoped for. His style of narration, the tone of vocalization for Spencer and the voice of Aaron, his mother, and other characters, including the pompous voice used for the prosecutor, were all varied, all spot on.
It’s been five years since the attack on Aaron and he’s still trying to cope with the nightmares and the deep emotional scars left by his attackers. It’s affected his relationship with Spencer, the man he loves deeply but can’t bring himself to have a sexual relationship with. He manages to go to Spencer’s graduation as Spencer finishes his associate’s degree at the local community college only by taking medication that he’s hidden from a previous prescription. Aaron won’t finish his associate’s degree for another year but he knows that he could never be brave enough to go up on stage in front of everyone like Spencer is doing.
When Spencer announces his plans to move into the city to work for the computer company which has offered to buy the software platform that Aaron and he developed, Aaron is shattered, thinking it’s the end of their relationship. Then when his brother Alan leaves to start college at Purdue University, four hours away, he feels truly abandoned by two of the people who have helped to hold him together over the past few years.
Taking the advice of his shrink, he joins an online support group for people suffering from PTSD, and there he meets Jordan, a young man who lost his twin in a school shooting and who lives in a nearby suburb. With him, Aaron finds that he can let his guard down, and he finds that he can have a new friendship, different from what he shares with Spencer, but one that helps him cope with the loss of both Spencer and Alan from his everyday routine. But Spencer doesn’t see it that way and his jealousy over Jordan may drive the wedge between him and Aaron deeper.
When the men who attacked Aaron are caught, and Aaron is told that he will have to testify in court, he falls apart and without Spencer there to hold him up, he turns to Jordan for support, a fact that is not overlooked by Spencer. But with that support and with the help of his therapist, Spencer’s dad, Dr. Thomas, Aaron slowly begins the process of coping with what he needs to do. One of the most important events that occurs during this time is a conference for survivors and the therapists who work with them. Aaron attends with Spencer and Dr. Thomas and when he hears the keynote speaker tell the story of his capture, abuse, torture and eventual release, it lights a spark of hope in Aaron. Dr. Thomas arranges for him to speak with the young man, Zach Tyler, and Zach helps Aaron see that by testifying he will gain back control over his life. I was incredibly surprised and happy to have this little vignette visit with Zack and his partner, David. Prior to reading Aaron, Finding Zach sat alone on my list of outstanding stories in which the MC has suffered from abuse and it just rocks that Ms. Barnaby was able to borrow the character for this story.
Aaron does find the strength to testify and though he does grow stronger from it, we can’t expect a hearts and flowers HEA for him and Spencer because that’s not reality and this story is all about reality. Life just isn’t always the way we want it to be. But the fact that Spencer stayed with Aaron, unfailingly giving him support, and Aaron fully and completely committed his heart to Spencer throughout the story, gives us a good indication that the young men will at least find peace and stay strong in their love for their future together.
Kudos to both the author and the narrator! I highly recommend this story in the audiobook version to lovers of M/M, especially to those who enjoy a story with established couples, angst, heartache, past abuse, and true love. I would caution readers that a lot of the abuse and brutality that Aaron suffered in the past is described during the trial, though not in minute detail, and if rape and or assault are triggers for you, then definitely do not read this. However, if you are okay with dealing with the reality of an abusive situation, and enjoy a gritty, compelling drama that will bring tears to your eyes and squeeze your heart to a new beat at times, then this one is the one for you.
Caution - there's lots of detail in my review so if you don't want to know what happens, don't read the full review.
Once in a while a story comes along that grabs me in the heart and won’t let go. Aaron was one of those stories, and though I didn’t think anything could surpass it, Spencer is at least equal to, if not better than, that one.
I had the privilege of listening to the audiobook for review for Hearts on Fire Reviews and I’m very happy to say that the voice of narrator Tyler Stevens was everything I could have hoped for. His style of narration, the tone of vocalization for Spencer and the voice of Aaron, his mother, and other characters, including the pompous voice used for the prosecutor, were all varied, all spot on.
It’s been five years since the attack on Aaron and he’s still trying to cope with the nightmares and the deep emotional scars left by his attackers. It’s affected his relationship with Spencer, the man he loves deeply but can’t bring himself to have a sexual relationship with. He manages to go to Spencer’s graduation as Spencer finishes his associate’s degree at the local community college only by taking medication that he’s hidden from a previous prescription. Aaron won’t finish his associate’s degree for another year but he knows that he could never be brave enough to go up on stage in front of everyone like Spencer is doing.
When Spencer announces his plans to move into the city to work for the computer company which has offered to buy the software platform that Aaron and he developed, Aaron is shattered, thinking it’s the end of their relationship. Then when his brother Alan leaves to start college at Purdue University, four hours away, he feels truly abandoned by two of the people who have helped to hold him together over the past few years.
Taking the advice of his shrink, he joins an online support group for people suffering from PTSD, and there he meets Jordan, a young man who lost his twin in a school shooting and who lives in a nearby suburb. With him, Aaron finds that he can let his guard down, and he finds that he can have a new friendship, different from what he shares with Spencer, but one that helps him cope with the loss of both Spencer and Alan from his everyday routine. But Spencer doesn’t see it that way and his jealousy over Jordan may drive the wedge between him and Aaron deeper.
When the men who attacked Aaron are caught, and Aaron is told that he will have to testify in court, he falls apart and without Spencer there to hold him up, he turns to Jordan for support, a fact that is not overlooked by Spencer. But with that support and with the help of his therapist, Spencer’s dad, Dr. Thomas, Aaron slowly begins the process of coping with what he needs to do. One of the most important events that occurs during this time is a conference for survivors and the therapists who work with them. Aaron attends with Spencer and Dr. Thomas and when he hears the keynote speaker tell the story of his capture, abuse, torture and eventual release, it lights a spark of hope in Aaron. Dr. Thomas arranges for him to speak with the young man, Zach Tyler, and Zach helps Aaron see that by testifying he will gain back control over his life. I was incredibly surprised and happy to have this little vignette visit with Zack and his partner, David. Prior to reading Aaron, Finding Zach sat alone on my list of outstanding stories in which the MC has suffered from abuse and it just rocks that Ms. Barnaby was able to borrow the character for this story.
Aaron does find the strength to testify and though he does grow stronger from it, we can’t expect a hearts and flowers HEA for him and Spencer because that’s not reality and this story is all about reality. Life just isn’t always the way we want it to be. But the fact that Spencer stayed with Aaron, unfailingly giving him support, and Aaron fully and completely committed his heart to Spencer throughout the story, gives us a good indication that the young men will at least find peace and stay strong in their love for their future together.
Kudos to both the author and the narrator! I highly recommend this story in the audiobook version to lovers of M/M, especially to those who enjoy a story with established couples, angst, heartache, past abuse, and true love. I would caution readers that a lot of the abuse and brutality that Aaron suffered in the past is described during the trial, though not in minute detail, and if rape and or assault are triggers for you, then definitely do not read this. However, if you are okay with dealing with the reality of an abusive situation, and enjoy a gritty, compelling drama that will bring tears to your eyes and squeeze your heart to a new beat at times, then this one is the one for you.
March 31, 2017
I do love these guys, but sometimes it's just exhausting living in their heads.
September 12, 2016
I thoroughly enjoyed this sequel to Aaron. The first book introduced us to Aaron and Spencer, let us walk with them as they fell in love. The sequel takes us 3 years into the future, and Spencer has graduated from college and has been offered a job in the city...which means Spencer needs to move. This broke my heart because it hurt them so much. They feared that this meant the end to their relationship.
And then...the men who raped Aaron and killed Juliette are found and arrested and put on trial; Aaron's testimony is key to putting the men away.
Aaron and Spencer's love is tested at every turn and their separation in miles doesn't help. Plus, Allen (middle son) has moved to the dorm for college, and Anthony (youngest) is seriously spinning out of control. There is so much going on in this book but it all works to move the story forward. A lot has changed and with Aaron doing better he feels compelled to help the family more.
I can't wait to read Anthony. I need to know what Anthony knows and understands about what happened to his brother. He was just a little boy when it happened and he wasn't told the details so I can't blame him for being kind of a shit.
And then...the men who raped Aaron and killed Juliette are found and arrested and put on trial; Aaron's testimony is key to putting the men away.
Aaron and Spencer's love is tested at every turn and their separation in miles doesn't help. Plus, Allen (middle son) has moved to the dorm for college, and Anthony (youngest) is seriously spinning out of control. There is so much going on in this book but it all works to move the story forward. A lot has changed and with Aaron doing better he feels compelled to help the family more.
I can't wait to read Anthony. I need to know what Anthony knows and understands about what happened to his brother. He was just a little boy when it happened and he wasn't told the details so I can't blame him for being kind of a shit.
May 5, 2014
For books such as these, Aaron and Spencer, books that deal with so much trauma, pain, and real-life issues, the reader must fully trust the author in order to dive into the pages. You must trust that the author will tell the characters' stories the way they really are, they way they were meant to be told--not the way you the reader, or even the author, wants it to be. JP Barnaby deserves that trust. These books are POWERFUL and eloquently written, able to present vulnerability and weakness without robbing the characters of their soul and strength. So much respect for this author and these novels. Achingly beautiful, brave, and lasting. Bravo!
September 25, 2015
J.P Barnaby, you are amazing! I adored Aaron and it tugged at my heart and made me cry. When I heard you were doing a sequel I was so excited and yet I wondered if it would be as good as Aaron. Well, you didn't disappoint me and I loved this story. It wasn't quite as emotional since it focused more on Spencer but once I started reading I was drawn in immediately it drove me crazy when I had to put it down. Loved the ending and that there was and ending that made me feel good.
March 24, 2014
the perfect ending.
June 23, 2016
4.5 stars
Lots of drama and angsty goodness for people who like that type of storyline.
Lots of drama and angsty goodness for people who like that type of storyline.
July 15, 2017
I don't think that this review will be as long as the one I wrote for Aaron, but who knows! :D
Spencer takes place three years after the events of Aaron, but the book feels like it takes place directly after the first book. Spencer and Aaron are stuck in a holding pattern; although Aaron has made a lot of progress with intensive therapy, he still has anxiety going out in public or being in crowds, and he and Spencer still can't have a mutually fulfilling sex life. But now Spencer has an opportunity in Chicago, working on the software that he and Aaron developed in college, and having a great, well-paying job. Spencer's really excited about moving out on his own, but that means that he'll have to leave Aaron behind, and even though Aaron wants Spencer to live his life, he can't help but feel abandoned by Spencer. And to top it all off, the men who attacked Aaron have been caught, and Aaron will have to testify against them at trial.
In spite of the title, the book isn't really about Spencer. I mean, sure, he plays a prominent role in the book, but it's more about Aaron coping with feeling abandoned and trying to move past the trauma that still haunts him. I do like that there was some (okay, maybe more than "some") friction between the two of them; Spencer moves to Chicago and makes some friends there, gets his own apartment, and goes to a gay club for the first time . Spencer starts to feel more "normal" and realizes how isolated he has become because of Aaron's PTSD. At this point, if these were two real guys, I would see them growing apart and eventually breaking up - Aaron can't leave his hometown because of his anxiety, and Spencer really, really wants to experience life, and those are two fairly incompatible lives.
I liked that Aaron made a new friend through the PTSD forums.
Also, I would like to take a moment to say how much I hate seeing the word "spunk" in any book and in any sex scenes.
Altogether, I enjoyed this book, but I can't say that I loved it by any means. I felt like this book could have been stronger, and I feel like Aaron's recovery could have been more advanced than it was, to make the ending more believable for me.
Spencer takes place three years after the events of Aaron, but the book feels like it takes place directly after the first book. Spencer and Aaron are stuck in a holding pattern; although Aaron has made a lot of progress with intensive therapy, he still has anxiety going out in public or being in crowds, and he and Spencer still can't have a mutually fulfilling sex life. But now Spencer has an opportunity in Chicago, working on the software that he and Aaron developed in college, and having a great, well-paying job. Spencer's really excited about moving out on his own, but that means that he'll have to leave Aaron behind, and even though Aaron wants Spencer to live his life, he can't help but feel abandoned by Spencer. And to top it all off, the men who attacked Aaron have been caught, and Aaron will have to testify against them at trial.
In spite of the title, the book isn't really about Spencer. I mean, sure, he plays a prominent role in the book, but it's more about Aaron coping with feeling abandoned and trying to move past the trauma that still haunts him. I do like that there was some (okay, maybe more than "some") friction between the two of them; Spencer moves to Chicago and makes some friends there, gets his own apartment, and goes to a gay club for the first time . Spencer starts to feel more "normal" and realizes how isolated he has become because of Aaron's PTSD. At this point, if these were two real guys, I would see them growing apart and eventually breaking up - Aaron can't leave his hometown because of his anxiety, and Spencer really, really wants to experience life, and those are two fairly incompatible lives.
I liked that Aaron made a new friend through the PTSD forums.
Also, I would like to take a moment to say how much I hate seeing the word "spunk" in any book and in any sex scenes.
Altogether, I enjoyed this book, but I can't say that I loved it by any means. I felt like this book could have been stronger, and I feel like Aaron's recovery could have been more advanced than it was, to make the ending more believable for me.
April 26, 2014
It’s been a long time since I’ve read book #1, “Aaron”, and I thought I might need a little refresher. I was wrong. It took absolutely no time at all to fall right back into this story, this continuation of the love blooming everyday between Aaron and Spencer; and the extreme drama that encircles and dictates their lives.
Even though this is book #3 in the Survivor Series, it is actually more of a sequel to “Aaron” and thus you can easily read both “Aaron” and “Spencer” without reading book #2. HOWEVER, you absolutely must read “Aaron” first. “Spencer” is not a stand alone.
Aaron and Spencer both broke my heart in “Aaron” and then cracked it open again in “Spencer”. These very young guys are two of the strongest men I know. To be able to not only handle such extreme drama, extreme mental psychosis, and still love each other unconditionally, even without much of a sex life, for the last three years, is amazing. They amaze me and this book is amazing. So much so I recommend it to everyone. Why wait until the end of my review to say I recommend it? I recommend it now.
Aaron and Spencer try so hard to be a normal couple. Spencer has the patience of a saint and slowly but surely, Aaron is dropping the shield he has completely cocooned himself within. He still covers his scarred body, head to toe, from the rest of the world, but he has let Spencer in…for the most part. Spencer doesn’t see the scars, he just sees the man he has loved from the beginning.
Aaron and Spencer are now three years into their relationship and Spencer is ready to graduate college. Not Aaron. He can still only handle crowds in very small doses and so he will not be graduating with Spencer. Therein begins the next big molehill that our boys will have to overcome. Spencer is offered a job, and a ton of money, but it’s too far away to commute. And though Aaron was invited too, Aaron won’t leave the security of his family’s home. Spencer is planning for their future and accepts, but Aaron sees this as the first step of Spencer pulling away.
Of course, as soon as Spencer moves away, Aaron is stunned by a visit from the police; the men who abducted, tortured, and raped him, and murdered Juliette have been caught…and he will have to testify. The leaps and bounds in strides that he has overcome in his road to recovering some semblance of a life are threatened and Aaron is not sure he will be able to survive this turn of events. Spencer is horrified and deeply saddened that Aaron is not allowing him in, allowing Spencer to be the supportive boyfriend that he’s strived to be for the last three years. But, Spencer is a saint, as I’ve said above, and he does not give up and grudgingly gives Aaron what he needs without giving Aaron up.
I love Spencer. I want to learn sign language because of Spencer. I want to have a Spencer in my life. Spencer is the reason that Aaron will survive his ordeal and come out of this five year horrendous drama with all the power returned to him that those evil men had stolen. Spencer is the epitome of a noble and honest man. No matter what road blocks creep up or what pothole he steps in along the way, his intentions are always pure and his goal in life is to create a decent life for him and Aaron. They still have a ways to go, but they are well on their way to achieving that goal, together.
A big surprise occurred towards the end of the book when Aaron meets Zach Tyler from Rowan Speedwell’s novel, Finding Zach. The Zach and Aaron interaction was the first time I got teary eyed. I was so surprisingly happy to see Zach again, and that he was able to help Aaron was just the icing on the cake. It was simply perfect and loved that scene.
So, yeah, I loved this book. It was amazing, it was brutal, it was sad, and it was heartbreaking. But it was also uplifting, it was courageous, it was a story of perseverance and hope, and it is one of the most amazingly beautiful stories of survival I’ve ever read.
See this review and more at: The Blogger Girls
Even though this is book #3 in the Survivor Series, it is actually more of a sequel to “Aaron” and thus you can easily read both “Aaron” and “Spencer” without reading book #2. HOWEVER, you absolutely must read “Aaron” first. “Spencer” is not a stand alone.
Aaron and Spencer both broke my heart in “Aaron” and then cracked it open again in “Spencer”. These very young guys are two of the strongest men I know. To be able to not only handle such extreme drama, extreme mental psychosis, and still love each other unconditionally, even without much of a sex life, for the last three years, is amazing. They amaze me and this book is amazing. So much so I recommend it to everyone. Why wait until the end of my review to say I recommend it? I recommend it now.
Aaron and Spencer try so hard to be a normal couple. Spencer has the patience of a saint and slowly but surely, Aaron is dropping the shield he has completely cocooned himself within. He still covers his scarred body, head to toe, from the rest of the world, but he has let Spencer in…for the most part. Spencer doesn’t see the scars, he just sees the man he has loved from the beginning.
Aaron and Spencer are now three years into their relationship and Spencer is ready to graduate college. Not Aaron. He can still only handle crowds in very small doses and so he will not be graduating with Spencer. Therein begins the next big molehill that our boys will have to overcome. Spencer is offered a job, and a ton of money, but it’s too far away to commute. And though Aaron was invited too, Aaron won’t leave the security of his family’s home. Spencer is planning for their future and accepts, but Aaron sees this as the first step of Spencer pulling away.
Of course, as soon as Spencer moves away, Aaron is stunned by a visit from the police; the men who abducted, tortured, and raped him, and murdered Juliette have been caught…and he will have to testify. The leaps and bounds in strides that he has overcome in his road to recovering some semblance of a life are threatened and Aaron is not sure he will be able to survive this turn of events. Spencer is horrified and deeply saddened that Aaron is not allowing him in, allowing Spencer to be the supportive boyfriend that he’s strived to be for the last three years. But, Spencer is a saint, as I’ve said above, and he does not give up and grudgingly gives Aaron what he needs without giving Aaron up.
I love Spencer. I want to learn sign language because of Spencer. I want to have a Spencer in my life. Spencer is the reason that Aaron will survive his ordeal and come out of this five year horrendous drama with all the power returned to him that those evil men had stolen. Spencer is the epitome of a noble and honest man. No matter what road blocks creep up or what pothole he steps in along the way, his intentions are always pure and his goal in life is to create a decent life for him and Aaron. They still have a ways to go, but they are well on their way to achieving that goal, together.
A big surprise occurred towards the end of the book when Aaron meets Zach Tyler from Rowan Speedwell’s novel, Finding Zach. The Zach and Aaron interaction was the first time I got teary eyed. I was so surprisingly happy to see Zach again, and that he was able to help Aaron was just the icing on the cake. It was simply perfect and loved that scene.
So, yeah, I loved this book. It was amazing, it was brutal, it was sad, and it was heartbreaking. But it was also uplifting, it was courageous, it was a story of perseverance and hope, and it is one of the most amazingly beautiful stories of survival I’ve ever read.
See this review and more at: The Blogger Girls
March 25, 2014
Reviewed for Hearts On Fire Reviews - 5 hearts
One of my most fervent wishes after reading “Aaron” was for a sequel that would bring more closure and more happy for the MCs that burrowed into my heart. Apparently, wishes really can come true, because along came “Spencer” and I couldn’t have been more eager to grab it and find out how my boys were getting along in life and love.
While this book is not quite as emotionally intense or heart wrenching as “Aaron”, it’s definitely not a bunch of hearts and flowers. It centers on Spencer’s realization that he and Aaron have been existing in somewhat of a cocoon – sheltered from most of the rest of the world and not really making big strides forward. Imagine feeling like you’ve reached a major crossroad in life. The only “forward” path available requires a change, and change isn’t something your boyfriend can cope with. Should you go 90 degrees to the left or 90 degrees to the right? One way means trying to forge a future that represents some independence and what many would consider a normal step in a relationship (freedom from parents, a job, your own place, etc.). That may be great for Spencer, but will Aaron ever be able to move forward on that path? The other way means giving up the one man who accepted him unconditionally and needs him beyond measure. Can Spencer really abandon Aaron? Is he selfish enough to want to experience more in life for himself? Of course there’s always the path that retraces steps backwards, back to the safety and familiarity of the cocoon where at least Aaron and Spencer are together, even if not much improves.
This whole dilemma about how to go forward living life is the crux of the angst in this book. Part of me wanted things to be easier for these guys – hadn’t there been enough suffering in the last book? The other part of me appreciated the authenticity of the story – the fact that life can be painful and has its ups and downs. For most of the book, it felt like Aaron just could not catch a break, and yet, the very thing that seemed destined to break him for the final time brought unexpected hope that stemmed from a newfound friend, newfound strength, newfound courage, and newfound insight that could help him to gain back some control and power over his life.
Ultimately, the ending of the story was perfect – maybe not perfect in the traditional sense of happily ever after, but perfect for Aaron and Spencer. I’m very sad about leaving my boys, but this time I have happy tears and hope that Aaron may even be able to accept a wee little hug soon. Whether you’ve read “Aaron” or plan to read it, then “Spencer” is a must read to follow. I think you’ll be as hooked on their story as I’ve been.
One of my most fervent wishes after reading “Aaron” was for a sequel that would bring more closure and more happy for the MCs that burrowed into my heart. Apparently, wishes really can come true, because along came “Spencer” and I couldn’t have been more eager to grab it and find out how my boys were getting along in life and love.
While this book is not quite as emotionally intense or heart wrenching as “Aaron”, it’s definitely not a bunch of hearts and flowers. It centers on Spencer’s realization that he and Aaron have been existing in somewhat of a cocoon – sheltered from most of the rest of the world and not really making big strides forward. Imagine feeling like you’ve reached a major crossroad in life. The only “forward” path available requires a change, and change isn’t something your boyfriend can cope with. Should you go 90 degrees to the left or 90 degrees to the right? One way means trying to forge a future that represents some independence and what many would consider a normal step in a relationship (freedom from parents, a job, your own place, etc.). That may be great for Spencer, but will Aaron ever be able to move forward on that path? The other way means giving up the one man who accepted him unconditionally and needs him beyond measure. Can Spencer really abandon Aaron? Is he selfish enough to want to experience more in life for himself? Of course there’s always the path that retraces steps backwards, back to the safety and familiarity of the cocoon where at least Aaron and Spencer are together, even if not much improves.
This whole dilemma about how to go forward living life is the crux of the angst in this book. Part of me wanted things to be easier for these guys – hadn’t there been enough suffering in the last book? The other part of me appreciated the authenticity of the story – the fact that life can be painful and has its ups and downs. For most of the book, it felt like Aaron just could not catch a break, and yet, the very thing that seemed destined to break him for the final time brought unexpected hope that stemmed from a newfound friend, newfound strength, newfound courage, and newfound insight that could help him to gain back some control and power over his life.
Ultimately, the ending of the story was perfect – maybe not perfect in the traditional sense of happily ever after, but perfect for Aaron and Spencer. I’m very sad about leaving my boys, but this time I have happy tears and hope that Aaron may even be able to accept a wee little hug soon. Whether you’ve read “Aaron” or plan to read it, then “Spencer” is a must read to follow. I think you’ll be as hooked on their story as I’ve been.
June 7, 2014
My Review:
I thought the first book to Aaron and Spencer's love story was amazing, but this one surpassed it. It takes place 3 years after the first book, Aaron, and 5 years after Aaron's horrific attack. In that 3 years, Aaron and Spencer have fallen even deeper in love. Aaron continues to improve, but is still held back by his PTSD and mental issues. Those things have held back Spencer too. He used to have friends and a social life and network of people around him. Now he only has Aaron...and at 21, that's just not enough for Spencer anymore. So when an opportunity arises to take an amazing job, he does it even though it means leaving Aaron behind.
The reality for these two characters is just heartbreaking. I could definitely see both sides of the coin and couldn't blame Spencer. He's still young and hasn't had much of a chance at life. If you can't chase after those things...independence and a career...at 21, you never will. And it's heartbreaking for both these guys.
But this story is about so much more than just that. In this one, we get to see growth through both these characters. Yes, they absolutely still love each other, but they begin to see that hanging on so tight isn't do either of them any favors. They are absolutely perfect for each other, but they met very young and with the traumas that they've both suffered, never really moved past those young ages. They both do some growing up in this book. Yes, there are still issues, but unlike the end of the first book, I can now see these guys really making it work long-term and continuing to grow together instead of stagnating together.
There's a lot that happens in this story to push them both forward and JP Barnaby crafted an amazing, extremely moving story. I'm hoping that we get to see more of Jordan...his story hasn't ended, I don't think. I definitely recommend both this one and AARON, the first in the series. They aren't as smexy as normal m/m because of the circumstances (although they do have a few hot scenes.) The books are truly about the love between these two guys and it's just a beautiful thing.
I thought the first book to Aaron and Spencer's love story was amazing, but this one surpassed it. It takes place 3 years after the first book, Aaron, and 5 years after Aaron's horrific attack. In that 3 years, Aaron and Spencer have fallen even deeper in love. Aaron continues to improve, but is still held back by his PTSD and mental issues. Those things have held back Spencer too. He used to have friends and a social life and network of people around him. Now he only has Aaron...and at 21, that's just not enough for Spencer anymore. So when an opportunity arises to take an amazing job, he does it even though it means leaving Aaron behind.
The reality for these two characters is just heartbreaking. I could definitely see both sides of the coin and couldn't blame Spencer. He's still young and hasn't had much of a chance at life. If you can't chase after those things...independence and a career...at 21, you never will. And it's heartbreaking for both these guys.
But this story is about so much more than just that. In this one, we get to see growth through both these characters. Yes, they absolutely still love each other, but they begin to see that hanging on so tight isn't do either of them any favors. They are absolutely perfect for each other, but they met very young and with the traumas that they've both suffered, never really moved past those young ages. They both do some growing up in this book. Yes, there are still issues, but unlike the end of the first book, I can now see these guys really making it work long-term and continuing to grow together instead of stagnating together.
There's a lot that happens in this story to push them both forward and JP Barnaby crafted an amazing, extremely moving story. I'm hoping that we get to see more of Jordan...his story hasn't ended, I don't think. I definitely recommend both this one and AARON, the first in the series. They aren't as smexy as normal m/m because of the circumstances (although they do have a few hot scenes.) The books are truly about the love between these two guys and it's just a beautiful thing.
February 8, 2017
Tas jau vienmēr tā sākas
Bet fakts, ka
Lasīšana beigu beigās izvēršas par
Beigas jau bija lieliskas. Bet tas nemaina to, ka man vajag pauzi no lasīšanas un pasaules kopumā.
Bet fakts, ka
Lasīšana beigu beigās izvēršas par
Beigas jau bija lieliskas. Bet tas nemaina to, ka man vajag pauzi no lasīšanas un pasaules kopumā.
March 21, 2014
A Joyfully Jay review.
5 stars
So Aaron is one of my all time favorites and I was beside myself waiting for this conclusion to Aaron and Spencer’s story. I am thrilled to say that this book did not disappoint and J.P. Barnaby once again crafted a beautiful, haunting, and romantic story in Spencer.
We are now a few years into Aaron and Spencer’s relationship, and these young men continue to be so sweet and lovely together. The love they have for one another is so clear and beautifully depicted. Barnaby does such a great job of making you feel it right in your soul. Even as they both struggle with where their lives are going, and as they try to figure out how they can both grow within the confines of Aaron’s mental health, you can still see the dedication these men have to each other. This isn’t always an easy book by any stretch. Spencer and Aaron have conflicts in their relationship. Aaron must relive trauma that is so horrific you want to cry. And sometimes it seems hard to see how this relationship can succeed. But what makes this story really work is that it is full of so much hope that even during the hard times never goes away. For every step back there is a step forward, or maybe just a lack of backsliding. And throughout it all such a deep intense love between these two men that holds them together.
Read Jay's review in its entirety here.
5 stars
So Aaron is one of my all time favorites and I was beside myself waiting for this conclusion to Aaron and Spencer’s story. I am thrilled to say that this book did not disappoint and J.P. Barnaby once again crafted a beautiful, haunting, and romantic story in Spencer.
We are now a few years into Aaron and Spencer’s relationship, and these young men continue to be so sweet and lovely together. The love they have for one another is so clear and beautifully depicted. Barnaby does such a great job of making you feel it right in your soul. Even as they both struggle with where their lives are going, and as they try to figure out how they can both grow within the confines of Aaron’s mental health, you can still see the dedication these men have to each other. This isn’t always an easy book by any stretch. Spencer and Aaron have conflicts in their relationship. Aaron must relive trauma that is so horrific you want to cry. And sometimes it seems hard to see how this relationship can succeed. But what makes this story really work is that it is full of so much hope that even during the hard times never goes away. For every step back there is a step forward, or maybe just a lack of backsliding. And throughout it all such a deep intense love between these two men that holds them together.
Read Jay's review in its entirety here.
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