You Don't Have to Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism

by Alida Nugent

The author of Don’t Worry It Gets Worse takes on the F-word

Alida Nugent’s first book, Don’t Worry It Gets Worse, received terrific reviews, and her self-deprecating “everygirl” approach continues to win the Internet-savvy writer and blogger new fans. Now, she takes on one of today’s hottest cultural topics: feminism.

Nugent is a proud feminist—and she’s not afraid to say it. From the “scarlet F” thrust upon you if you declare yourself a feminist at a party to how to handle judgmental store clerks when you buy Plan B, You Don’t Have to Like Me skewers a range of cultural issues, and confirms Nugent as a star on the rise.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Humor, Short Stories, Social Justice

218 pages, Paperback

First published October 20, 2015

About the author

Freelance writer working on turning her first book into a television show with ABC Studios. She loves to write about beauty products, food, fashion, feminism, television, and anything with an angle of humor.

She's the writer behind The-Frenemy.com, a popular blog for women, for four years.

Reviews

[BirdiesBookshelves · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is important. It is important because it talks about so many issues and situations that women are scared to talk about. Even though there were essays that didn't directly speak to me I know they speak to someone out there. Someone who needs to hear these things. Someone who needs to know they are not alone. If feminism is something you are interested in, pick this book up. You just might learn something.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

This wasn't bad, per se- thus the "it was ok" star rating. There were a few lines that I thought were great, such as the following:

"Going on a porn site as a woman is also like going to a crap retail store and being plus-sized: here's a tiny section devoted to you that has nothing you like. Good luck! We hate you!" p 205

"Never once do they consider that I might not want to be bought, and that I am not a cow at all." p 141

I guess there were just a few too many topics that while I'm glad she supports and discusses them, she really doesn't have much experience with them. Also, the writing felt a little scattered all over the place. She speaks of inclusion and accepting women, but then says things about going on a juice diet so that she can look good- as if thin is the universal definition of "good"; or being grossed out by the pubic hair on a woman in a childbirth video- as if pubic hair is something disgusting. The writing felt a little... bloggy- and there are good books out there that started with blogs, so it's not blogs I'm criticizing. Her heart is in the right place- I just think the writing needs refining.

[Ellis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although it's preaching to the choir in my case, this book would be a good jumping off point for anyone in your life who isn't a feminist because they're "the mother of a son and married to a man" or because "the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance" or who thinks feminism is some sort of intolerant worldview or prefers the term "humanist" or has used the hashtag #womenagainstfeminism. I know it's easy to think that feminism looks just like Kate Beaton's straw feminists - "When I'm president I'm going to chop everyone's dick off!" and "Come with us to the moon, where we'll blow up the earth" and so forth (oh I love you so much Kate Beaton) but that's not it at all. As Nugent says, simply and easily: "It means that in the grand scheme of humanity, it doesn't make sense that women aren't treated as human as other humans. It means that all the women in your life deserve the careers they want, and they deserve to be compensated equally. It means that people will be held accountable for sexual assault. It means that women will feel like their own bodies belong to them." Here's to intersectional feminism!

[no elle · Rating 1 out of 5]

had i seen the blurb from bust claiming this is ~~relatable~~ i probably wouldn't've picked it up at the library. however, i did not because i pick books at random and read nothing about them, not even the back covers. it is a bad habit. if a book is bright enough or shiny enough or adjective enough, i will think to myself, hm, ok, i will try this. what can go wrong? nothing, really, except i just spent like, parts of a whole day reading stuff i would have read on tumblr in 2009. maybe i would have liked this then.

i used to think calling women writers self-indulgent was misogynist, and it definitely is sometimes, but jesus, i can only read about menstruation and lipstick so many times. i am sick of empowerment. i don't know if alida nugent actually ever uses "empowerment" anywhere in this book, but it's all the same. maybe this is an issue with me and how burned out i feel with feminism & the internet, and maybe i am being callous about some things, but i just don't care anymore. everyone writes about abortion and eating disorders and beauty in the same way, and it's boring. there's no nuance. it's not that i don't agree with these women writing these things. i don't contest anything they have to say about abortion or eating disorders or beauty (in theory, at least), but it's an echo chamber where everyone is reciting the same opinions endlessly, and i'm tired of reading it.

[Guts Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Four pages on Mac Cyber lipstick.

[Jacqueline C · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. This was a book that probably would have served me well when I was 14/15 years old as an extremely rudimentary intro into feminism. Probably not a bad book, but definitely not a good fit for me. Less about feminist theory, history, or action than it was about proving that sexism exists in the first place through a series of personal first-hand experiences of the author of mainly teenage microaggressions as examples. Certainly for a younger audience, or perhaps women who will readily list of all the reasons why they are not feminists. This book lost me when it was in the middle of a chapter about how female friendships are important, but that the author thought that they also can be catty and stereotypically difficult.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

When she grows up about 10 years and reads about intersectional feminism and, you know, maybe learns anything about the world outside of Connecticut and Brooklyn, I'll be interested in reading her work. Until then, I'm a little too grown to deal with this fluff.

[Jane (It'sJaneLindsey) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Bess Brandow · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this book in like (?) early high school ?? which is funny bc it’s fully a feminist essay collection and i don’t think i knew what i was picking up BUT i really really liked it and would recommend (which is why i’m reviewing it at all), but would give disclaimer that if you find any of her feminism takes too shallow/no longer relevant in 2022 i do not endorse them haha (i should reread since i’m sooo much older and wiser now)

[Darcy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very quick read with some laughs and a good amount of "ugh, I KNOW" and "tell it, girl" moments. If you occasionally enjoy immersing yourself in a good feisty Jezebel comment thread, you would probably enjoy this. Several of the sections (especially those on dieting and body image) would have been great for high school or college me.

[Jessica J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't exactly ground-breaking work, but it's an excellent Feminism 101 primer for young Millennials.

[Ylenia · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Kelly]

There was not one single dud in this collection of feminist essays. It's full of heart, as well as humor, and it's just everything I want in a non-navel gazing collection of discovering and embracing one's feminism. Highly recommended and especially appealing to 20somethings figuring out their shit.

Alida notes she's imperfect, that it took her a long time to come into her own, and her own self-awareness in this collection is a feature, not a flaw.

[Ciara (Lost at Midnight) · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS BOOK THOUGH.

Not a single essay in this collection I didn't love. Laughed out loud MANY times and connected to so much Nugent had to say. It's short and powerful and if you are a young woman you need this book on your radar. (Really, if you're a person you need this book on your radar because it is wonderful).

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

(2.5) I'll be honest, this book didn't do a whole lot for me. I picked it up based on positive reviews, and while I found her style very easy to read and her subject matter pretty engaging, the content was lacking. The book opens with a primer on why Nugent became a feminist and outlines the pitfalls of navigating feminism in a vaguely ingratiating style that seems more appropriate for a Huffington Post blog article or a Buzzfeed listicle. The rest of the essays tackle all the hot "feminist topics" - female friendships, the politics of feminism, dating, birth control, eating disorders, etc., and rarely did I feel that her reflections were bringing anything new to the discussions. There were a few standout essays - her essay on school sex ed was pretty funny and I related to "Girl Under Control." But on the whole, I didn't find it a super interesting or compelling read.

[Danika at The Lesbrary · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an enjoyable read, but it focuses on a presentation of being a woman that I did not relate to at all (straight and stereotypically feminine). Which is fine, it's just not me. Though she does sometimes acknowledge queer women, the framework is really around the experience of straight women.

I also find it funny when books like this try to convince you to be a feminist. I feel like 95% of the people picking up a book on finding feminism are already feminist.

This would be a good book to give to a teen girl who's unfamiliar with feminism, and it did make me laugh out loud multiple times. And it does tackle things like eating disorders and racism very well.

[Beth (fuelled by fiction) · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ IT READ IT READ IT READ IT

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. I just couldn't make myself keep reading this one. It's like Nugent's goal is for everyone to associate feminism with being vulgar and crude. I thought it would be an interesting book especially because of the title, but I just couldn't make myself read anymore. Don't waste your time on this one.

[Kailee Rosen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Alida's voice; this was a good, funny follow-up to her first book.

[b.andherbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick set of essays that make you chuckle and think a bit. Not on my list of "must reads" but one I'm glad I took the time to engage with.

[Erica Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best essay books I've ever read: It's so easily relatable and explains feminism in a way that is inclusive and exciting. Sometimes it's easy to sound like a broken record when trying to relay topics on feminism, and I found Nugent's writing to be fresh and clear, not to mention absolutely hilarious. I would read a line on the train and bust out laughing; it felt just like I was having a conversation with my close friend. This is a great book for younger people trying to decide their place in feminism, older people trying to relate to younger feminists and men looking to understand a woman's modern world in a way that isn't condescending or insulting to men. I wish I could give everyone I know a copy of this book, it's one of my new favorites.

[Danielle H · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was such a fan of Alida’s blog, still evident by the number of posts I have bookmarked from the frenemy, even though that Tumblr no longer exists. Which is a real fucking bummer because she spoke about a specific period in my life so vividly: about crushes and friendships and eating junk food and yearning and feeling and hopefully growing. That way you feel seen that we always are chasing. And I don’t know why she’s purged the blog, maybe she’s embarrassed about her early 20s as much as the rest of us are, who knows? But I was excited to read her voice again. To in this weird way feel like I was reconnecting with an old friend.

But you know what’s also weird? To read so much pre 2019 content on women and feminism and assault and our bodies and taking up space in 2019. It was...a lot. Probably not what I needed in the holiday season. But it is important. And I’m happy this book exists and is out there. Until we meet again, Alida.

[Katie Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had some criticisms for this book that I reconsidered after remembering that I found it in "Humor" rather than "Cultural Studies". I don't know if that is where the author intended for it to be shelved, but that is where I found it.

This was definitely much funnier than most "feminist humor" I've read, which is saying both a lot and not much. Meaning that I rarely find books like that funny because more often than not they seem to be trying extremely hard. It's not that I don't find women funny, but I rarely find women who write those sort of books funny. Most of the time it seems to be a way to soften the "feminist agenda" with sarcastic anecdotes that aren't witty enough for them to be shared without the need to over explain that we are kidding. (i.e. Caitlin Moran. After buying How To Be A Woman years ago, I think I may have actually thrown it away). It's like seeing a pun written in italics and it's painful.
However, this was reasonably funny, and consistently. It also was reasonably poignant about every three chapters. She had good points but there wasn't much to take away. Sort of preaching to the choir. I think this would be a good read for someone just discovering feminism in high school, and that's not a criticism.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. The first essay was great! It made me want to run out and buy this book for all my favorite girlfriends. Then I hit the middle and I hated the book. The essay about how the author used to dislike women but now they are her friends and she never calls them sluts anymore was pretty terrible. (By the way, she calls women “sluts” about 5 more time before the book is over.) Then the book got good again- “all the diets I’ve been on” and “advice I’ve received” where both really good essays. Also, this book reads as “life advice from an unmarried, childless 26 year old millennial”, which it is. And that’s fine, but it’s such a limited perspective on life.

[Stefanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would say 40% of this book was incredibly well thought out and empowering and a great perspective, but the other 60% was about dieting and particularly irrelevant food disorder, which absolutely detracted from everything else.

[Laura Jayne Tricker · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good starting point in feminism. I enjoyed it. Relatable stories& relatable humour help point out some hard truths. I think Equality is a tougher issue than this book presents though so I think it’s necessary to amplify your growth and learning as a feminist from here 💕

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't finish. This was weird, it's been a while since I picked it up but the writing was kind of scattered and it was a little soap boxy. I've read good feminist books or my favorite, The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck but this wasn't close to any of those.

[Dania · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the dry humour throughout the book and the diversity in issues that involve being a woman, and also the controversial nature of feminism. I think the last words were especially powerful to read:

"And yet. We still leave the house."

[Gemma Montfort · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you want to read a funny book about feminism it is better to read Caitlin Moran than this.

[Meredith Hines-Dochterman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny with moments of "ah ha" I wish more people would recognize.