So, sometimes when you work in a bookshop and you're on your way out the door in the morning and you find yourself between books because you finished reading one last night before bed and there's only about thirty seconds before you have to leave to catch the bus and that's not nearly enough time for the weighty task of deciding what to read next, you decide to just wing it, and see what's lying around in the staff room at work. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, and there's an awesome proof of a hot new YA series. Sometimes there are classics with slightly damaged covers. Sometimes, unfortunately, it's kind of slim pickings. Sometimes you find yourself reading The History and Principles of Classic Menswear.
Which, you know, is a perfectly fine book. Especially if you're into that sort of thing. G. Bruce Boyer is, according to the blurb on the back of the book, the 'Robert Caro of the cuff link'. I don't know who that is or what that means, but it's on the blurb so it must be impressive, and one's own ignorance is not reason enough to mock.
But. Look. A book like this subscribes to a view that I just cannot share. The idea that style, or 'taste' is not subjective, that it's objective, monolithic, and not wholly individual. And thus... I mock. Gently. Friendly. And with the full knowledge that I am out of my depth, traversing a world that is not mine. But hear me out.
"It is an unfortunate truth that most men have no idea what to do with their necks." You see why, after such an opening line, I HAD to keep reading. What SHOULD men do with their necks, exactly? Certainly not wear open collars, for fear of assuming the appearance of a turkey. Scarves, is what Boyer recommends. Apparently they come in handy for occasions when a coat and tie are too stuffy, but "slacks and a polo shirt are too scruffy". Really? In what world would you ever meet a man wearing slacks and a polo shirt, and think him "scruffy"? It was about here (which is only page 2) that I thought, maybe Boyer is actually kind of adorable. Scruffy? Slacks? SLACKS! But, you know, I am a child of grunge. Scruffy means something different in my language.
Let's skip ahead. Under the heading BIG MISTAKES, Boyer lists "being too studied" Individuality, he notes, "should be in evidence, quietly.".... Isn't there some sort of irony in reading a list of fashion dos and don'ts in order to express your individuality? Couldn't you just..... wear what you liked?
Chapter Five opens with a piece of advice that particularly irks me, which is that you should buy expensive clothes "not to spend a fortune but to save one". Look, if you can afford to buy the pricey designer stuff, you're not worried about saving money. I've been advised many times, by people and magazines and TV style gurus, that I should invest in expensive clothing because it will save me money. But you know, you can only do that, if you HAVE the money in the first place. When rich people talk about saving money... it bothers me. If you had ever been an unemployed person who had been advised by an employed person that you should spend €40 on a pair of tights that won't tear so easily, when secretly you're wondering how you're going to eat for the rest of the week on the €20 you have left after paying rent and bills, well... steam would be coming from your ears at this kind of nonsense talk too.
But let's move on to safer ground. Eyewear. I enjoyed the potted history of spectacles, and am now considering incorporating ribbon into mine, somehow. I thought it a little strange, however, when Boyer spoke about using them to affect different poses. "You can jauntily take them off, twirl them in your hand, and affect a contemplative look..." Errr... yes? You can? But... do you really need to plan this in advance? I mean, maybe if you were modelling them for a magazine, sure, but... buying a pair of spectacles and thinking about how best you can pose with them is.... well, I'll go with 'odd', though I've typed and deleted lots of other adjectives. "Spectacles shouldn't be any wider than your face" OHRLY??? I will FIGHT YOU for people's right to wear large glasses. LARGE GLASSES WEARERS UNITE! However I am completely on board with the closing of the spectacles chapter, where Boyer paraphrases Dorothy Parker and suggests "Women make passes/ At men who wear glasses." Yes. Yesyesyes.
A charming surprise occurs in the chapter entitled Maintenance. Boyer, be he ever so disdainful of a man's natural, normal, naked neck, is against "overdoing" things when it comes to cleaning your clothes. Long live the "spots, stains, wrinkles, and a bit of dust"! Hear hear!!
"Whatever your shoe wardrobe, buy a nice shoe horn. You wouldn't want to go around with the backs of your shoes broken down..."
Really? Shoe horns are still in use? This was intriguing news to me. Are modern men's shoes not made for mens feet to actually fit into them? Why in the world would anybody need a shoe horn? I mean, aside from as a charming novelty.
Chapter 16 is entitled Maxims, and delivers a fine list which I think is pretty representative of the entire book, and honestly, I probably could have just read this part and been as entertained and baffled as I had been throughout. Some examples:
"Style is the art of bending fashion to personality."
Sure, okay.
"Style and taste are particular sorts of intelligence."
No.
"Active sportswear makes many poeple look less athletic than practically anything they could otherwise wear."
LMAO.
"Uniforms both include and exclude."
Whooooaaahh, duuude. That is, like, soooo trippy.
"It's very difficult for aesthetic judgements to transcend the culture of the judge."
Okay, I was kidding with that last one, but really, we're both stoned now, aren't we? It's good, Boyer. I like it. More of this!
"Clothes are social tools, like language, manners, and a sense of humour."
Well yeah!
"Dressing decently should be a matter of politeness, if nothing else."
Well... no.
"Real style is never a matter of right or wrong. It's a matter of being yourself. On purpose."
ON PURPOSE. XD
The glorious maxim chapter comes about halfway through, and after that it's a little hard to get back into the regular chapters. It's like in school, when someone makes a joke and everyone laughs, and then the teacher tries to bring you back on topic, but there's only ten minutes left and we're all giddy now and anyway it's Friday. That's probably why I didn't really understand what the rules were for mixing patterns. It's okay to do it, except when it's not? Then we move onto pocket squares, and, IDK you guys, I'm kind of texting under the desk now.
But I come back to attention when we start talking about Byron. Because who doesn't love some Lord Byron? Boyer doesn't, as it turns out. At least, he doesn't seem to approve of his filthy, open-collared-shirt wearing habits. There's more about necks. A reminder that Byron, though handsome, was also "degenerate". I'm feeling here that Boyer's dislike for necks is kind of unreasonable.
"Some people are of the opinion that the foot should be considered part of the leg" is a sentence that actually happens, in the midst of a personal reminsicence about this one time Boyer got rid of all his accessories and wore brown shoes with everything, which, though not much more than a description of his wardrobe choices, nevertheless reads with a sort of weighty pathos that makes me imagine a terrible grief behind the words. But then, this chapter is titled "The Shoe-Hosiery-Trouser Nexus", so I think maybe he's just messing with us? Anyway, if you ever meet this guy, make sure you are wearing socks. Otherwise, I have reason to believe he might actually murder you. I've warned you now, and if it happens it is not my responsibility.
Towards the end, the book begins to drag. There's an amusing section on shorts, a long lament for the lost art of manners, and a chapter on fabrics which has much to recommend it, but my enthusiasm for the subject was waning at this point.
But then we get to Turtlenecks. Oh yeah. "Purposeful nonchalance of this sort has its place." Boyer has a thing about nonchalance. It crops up every couple of chapters and seems to be the acme to which the stylish gentleman must aspire. I imagine the drawing room in an English country house, filled with men wearing turtleneck sweaters and large scarves, holding their spectacles jauntily in their hands as they casually lean against the mantel saying things like "Why Jeremy, your brown loafers are divine" and "Oh these old things? I just put them on. I didn't even think about it." and "But it was such a wonderful choice! Brown loafers with blue suit trousers! You're such a card!" and "Really Quentin, you're too much! I deserve no credit. I put no thought into it. I simply found these shoes. They're not even mine. I didn't even intend wearing them. But Aunt Daisy gave me a shoe horn for my birthday, and I just had to try it."
Anway, the history of the turtleneck is actually pretty interesting, bringing a little class anarchy in the otherwise stuffy, bourgeois world of men's fashion. Now the slump is over, Boyer has won me back! Onwards, brave reader, to the final chapter: Weather Gear!.... Which is fine... and then it's over.
I was genuinely disappointed. The last chapter feels like it could have been slotted in anywhere, and the last sentence, (about "urban rubber shoe covers" is just a pragmatic note that they should be "lightweight, skid resistant, and slip off and on easily." That's the last sentence of the book. I felt cheated. I felt like we'd been having this really long, rambling phone conversation, the kind where you don't even realise three hours have passed, and we've laughed, we've argued, we've had a few awkward pauses but we got over them quickly enough, and we're really warming to each other..... and then he just hangs up. Without even saying goodbye!
Which is when I realised that I genuinely enjoyed the writing. And despite the fact that I disagree with most of what he said, I felt rather inclined to like G. Bruce Boyer. I feel like we're friends now.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, sometimes it's good to read outside your comfort zone. Either that, or don't ever bare your neck in public. And whatever you're wearing, you must, at all times, BE NONCHALANT AF.