I thought I was loved. I thought the quiet we shared meant something.
Then I found the letters.
They weren’t meant for me. They were written to another woman, filled with longing, memory, and a love that never truly ended. Some were old. Some were recent. Too recent. In his words, I was kind. Gentle. Someone he settled beside while his heart stayed elsewhere.
In that moment, everything shattered. Every touch rewrote itself. Every promise hollowed out. I understood that I hadn’t been chosen for love, but for safety, for silence, for being easier to keep than the woman he couldn’t forget.
February is a raw, intimate exploration of betrayal and emotional displacement, of the particular cruelty of realizing you were never the one being written to, and the ache of loving someone who was always writing himself back to someone else.
I cried for Berrie at the beginning and I really felt bad for her and Arlo too. Both of them were in pain. Arlo hadn't written another letter for a while before she found them and my first thought was Lyra is in the past. I could tell he loved her when they came home from the hospital. It was sad. I.would hate to read that..but I think she went too far. My god the man groveled. And he groveled some more, and he groveled again and again but she kept rejecting him. He watched her date other men and just wanted her to be happy. It.broke.my heart. I started to really dislike her. it ruined the book for me. Lyra was pure evil and he never wanted her when she came back. I loved that. I love the Karma thing for her too. It was all good and it could have been great if not for Berrie whom I totally loved at the beginning. The ending was very sweet but I just couldn't believe how she rejected him time and time again. It.just didn't feel right to me. Personal opinion only.
February and Arlo are in an established relationship. (Her friends call her Feb, Arlo calls her Berrie.) He’s in the hospital after a motorcycle accident. Berrie’s packing some clothes from his dresser, and she finds some letters. He wrote them to his ex, Lyra, knowing he'd never send them, like a diary.
Arlo doesn't really talk about his feelings. Sappy romance isn't his thing. But in these letters, he writes about strong feelings for this OW. A few letters were written while he was dating February, one while they were living together. That last one was written about 8 months ago. So now February thinks he can express feelings, but he just doesn't express them to her, and that means he doesn't feel them for her. She feels betrayed.
She decides she's going to take care of him till he recovers, because he has no family, then she will break up with him.
He recovers enough to take her out on a date. The next morning, she leaves him with a Dear John letter, explaining that she found his passionate love letters to Lyra, and she feels like a placeholder while he waits for his true love.
Then we get Arlo's backstory from his POV. His dad kicked him out at 15, when the new wife was pregnant, so he was a homeless youth. Lyra lived with her parents, but they would kick her out sometimes, so she lived like a feral cat. When he met her, he was attracted to her wildness. But it was a toxic relationship. Then she meets a stable older man and leaves Arlo out of the blue.
Lyra was the one who thought romance was cheesy, so he'd write about his feelings and not tell her. He continued after she left him. (He needed therapy, but he wrote the letters instead.) Then he met Berrie. He eventually stopped thinking about Lyra altogether, which is when the letters stopped.
He expected Berrie to think it was cheesy the way Lyra did, so he never expressed emotions.
He understands why Berrie left him, and that he made her feel unwanted. The last letter, while they were living together, says "She's not you." He really meant I'm so glad she's not Lyra, but it looked like he meant he was disappointed that she's not Lyra.
His friends stop by to check on him, and they tell him they all hated Lyra, she was an emotionless, manipulative bitch who treated him like shit.
Berrie asks her friend March to stop by the house, check up on him, and bring him groceries and stuff. March suggests he should go to therapy to fix himself if he wants to win Berrie back.
So, we get some therapy sessions on page.
But it turns out, Berrie has her own backstory. She had lived with a boyfriend before. He was secretly seeing his ex. The ex was stringing him along, and he dated Berrie while hoping his ex would take him back. So now February is convinced Arlo was doing the same, and that Arlo would take Lyra back if she showed up today. February didn't go to therapy either, she coped through her art.
So eventually, February shows up at Arlo’s house willing to talk, and who opens the door? Lyra.
Arlo arrives at the house and catches up with her on his bike, and he just starts talking. He tells her about his toxic relationship with Lyra and that he never told Berry any of this because he was ashamed. (She knew his dad kicked him out but that was about it.)
He tells her that Lyra had called him for help because she's pregnant and her boyfriend tried to kill her, and she has no money and nowhere to go. Berrie doesn't care, she says he didn't have to help Lyra at all, or bring her to their house. He had choices and he chose Lyra's needs over hers.
And his therapist already told him he shouldn't let his abuser into his life.
While they're talking about this, Lyra texts him that she started bleeding. But he calls his friend to bring her to the hospital, instead of running off to help her. So, I guess she really is pregnant, since the friend really did take her to the doctor. But if she's not, the doctor wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone, so I'm skeptical.
February, being a good person, works at a domestic violence shelter and helps get Lyra a room there. Lyra is pissed, because she really wanted access to Arlo, not to stay in a shelter.
Arlo starts taking a drawing class. February starts taking a karate class. It’s a lot of slice-of-life stuff where they are just living two separate lives.
Berrie’s brakes get cut, and she calls Arlo while she’s on the bike careening towards danger. But she tells him not to mention to the cops that it could be Lyra, because she doesn’t want to falsely accuse a pregnant woman. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. And that’s the point I had to DNF.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
I decided to give this author another chance. This was better than the last 2 books. I see the cookie cutter version she is using for each book but this one stepped it up. I was glad that the therapy part wasn't as drawn out as the last one. I was a little frustrated with Feb and how the author didn't give her a little more understanding of what he, mentally, went through and how he had to reconstruct himself from basically a form of brainwashing during a traumatic time for a teen. I wish the author had her take responsibility for her part of having one foot out of the relationship as well. And been as dedicated as he was to him even when they were a part... meaning...no dating other people! I didn't quite feel that she matched him on an emotional level for some reason. The book was still repetitive, could have used some more dialogue and scenes with the two main characters. Hoping that the author knows how to be fluid and that not every book has to have both characters messed up from the past. Maybe just having mixed up feelings and dealing with that, and not because it's some past trauma because let's be honest. What are the odds that 12 women, named after the 12 months of the year, each have a traumatic past, all meets guys with a traumatic past? Just saying.
Grovel = h finds letters that H wrote in the past about his love/obsession with OW, some letters were more recent like when they were together. h heartbroken leaves. H had a traumatic life and the OW was someone he attached himself too to try and anchor himself in life. OW really took advantage of him and used him. Once H has the realization of who the OW really is and dealing with the loss of the h, H must really work to change himself and learn how to love in a true way and not with toxicity. Grovel lasts about a year and most of it is anonymous acts the H does for the h. Really good grovel.
OW drama = See above for some of what she did. OW attacks the h verbally, insults the h, arranges for the h to be physically attacked, fakes so much and in general is a horrible person. Comeuppance? OW is imprisoned.
Another great book by this author.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
I love this series, and February was unbelievably good. There’s a lot to process in this one. Arlo is the MMC, and he’s had a very, very difficult life. It broke my heart to learn how his family abandoned him, how he grew up, how that horrible OW entangled him, the addiction, just… all the bad stuff you can imagine. Feb had a different kind of abandonment. Her sister was the golden child, and she was the quiet one.
This is beautifully written, but my one wish was that it took a little less time apart. It was excruciating.
Excellent read and highly recommended. I can’t wait for the next in the series.
Slow start. Got better when the OW returned. The characters started out like they were in late twenties but then changed and seemed to be a lot younger then towards the end changed back again. The two main characters were good but did not communicate well initially. There were also some continuity errors. The OW drama was more interesting than I expected. I wondered about the male friend Declan. Did he feel more than friendship? Levi was a good character, continually adding humour to balance the drama. His romance was surprising but lovely . I felt overall the tale was rather uneven, hence the title.
I'm a total angst whore, and this story started out so angsty. I loved the feels so much. This baby could have been a 5 star read for me, but holy shit. The grovel went on for fucking ever. I felt so bad for the Hero. I mean he was really put through the paces. Poor guy. Despite the way too long grovel of this story, I still enjoyed the feels and the evil OW drama.
Arlo made some mistakes but grew from them and became a better version of himself. I enjoyed this story and the character development. My complaint was with February. Not a fan and puts all the blame on Arlo refusing to grow and confront her issues…. But glad how the story ended.
Emotional story of two people who rise above childhood trauma and find their way into a beautiful love story. If I could give little Berrie all the love and cuddles I would.
An unusual story of finding oneself through loss of love. Arlo and February are twisted crossed people with painful pasts defining their relationship. Through danger they survive to regain their trust and love.