I don’t often read self-published writing. It’s harder to write a review, because I know that limitations can be caused by not having a publishing house helping you, and I’m sure it’s a very vulnerable thing to see people directly dissect your work when there isn’t a barrier. However, I am going to critique this debut novel as honestly and fairly as I would any traditionally published book. I just wanted to get the disclaimer out of the way, as there is a good chance the author might see this. Just know, my intention is not to be an asshole. Romantasy is also really not my thing, but writing quality is still objective. I hope there is something constructive and useful to find in this review.
I listened to Thorns and Flames on Spotify for my book club. The others read it digitally or physically, so I was given the map and author’s note. The narrator does a good job with the material. However, the story, characters, themes, and sentence structures are riddled with continuity errors, poor grammar, and the author’s reliance on telling rather than showing.
Let’s start with the continuity errors. There are so many that it would take far too long to point all of them out. I’ll choose a handful to focus on. The range of them is quite wide; the errors range from a dagger holster’s placement switching to new spots in the same scene to Selene’s beliefs about religion and intimacy. I also thought that, from the opening chapters, Selene had a One Dark Window-esq psychic link to a monster that challenges her self-control. Yet, this all but disappears once we reach the second act of the novel. Selene is written as believing, unlike her people, in the monotheistic god of her mother’s religion. Towards the end of the book, Selene thinks, “Are the gods my mother believed in real?” Was she actually polytheistic? That’s never mentioned besides this line. This is also in a scene of doubt, though Selene had apparently rejected these gods long ago. Was this an editing mistake due to a change in character direction? Who knows? Selene also forgets what a dragon is called when she is faced with a live one for the first time. That’s odd considering that her country’s gods take on the forms of dragons, AND she recognized a dragon figurine a kid was carrying before the bride selection in the beginning.
To jump over to grammar and writing issues, this is less about spelling mistakes (especially because I listened to it), and more about sentence structure and coherence. This book is written in a way that’s very hard to follow. One of my favorite writing styles is to use bold, visual language. I think Huntsman attempted this by using many many metaphors. Not only are they far too frequent, but they are all written the same way. Something is always “like” something else. Some of them, especially in the opening chapter, are actually just wrong/structurally/grammatically incorrect. I’ll just break down one. “The moon hangs like a wound, bleeding silver light.” Conceptually, sounds neat. But wounds don’t hang. I know the intent is for “wound” and “bleeding” to be associated, not “hangs” and “wound.” This is where sentence structure greatly matters. It is written as if wounds hang. Simply adjusting the sentence to something like “The moon hangs, bleeding silver light like an open wound”, makes a huge difference. Hell, you can cut out everything after “like” in my version and it would still work, perhaps better. Either way, metaphors like these on nearly every page made the book feel very convoluted.
Show don’t tell is the first rule of storytelling. This book is all tell. Examples include: Selene telling the reader that she slipped her sister a potion during the purity test rather than showing her do it, the narration telling the reader character’s personality traits rather than showing them play out, and (worst of all narratively) Kieran essentially telling Selene how to solve every trial without her having to do much work at all solving these puzzles.
All of this comes together in a big mess of tropes. The tropes are very aggressive here. I know that the author used popular romantasy tropes heavily in her advertising of this book, and the story itself feels just as derivative as the advertising. We have story beats, and some almost direct scenes, taken from The Hunger Games, Fourth Wing, One Dark Window, and (most of all) ACOTAR. It’s not a bad thing to be inspired, but this feels rehashed to hop on a trend. And that’s the core issue of this novel. It does not feel like a genuine work of art written by a passionate artist with something to say. It reads like a former marketing or business major decided to make money off of a trend. There is no story here. The trials are quick, hardly an inconvenience for the main character.
Selene is challenged very infrequently, especially in character. She does not develop or grow; she is given everything she needs by the author from page one. She’s self-righteous, judgmental, and infuriating. Characters around her are very black and white in portrayal. (Side note, every father character mentioned is cartoonishly evil. What’s up with that??) But Selene also feels like she’s constructed out of the half-masticated table scraps of other romantasy FMCs. Kieran is the same way with the Rhysands and Xadens before him. There’s nothing new here.
The world is also flat, and the author is clearly disinterested in exploring it. The world of the first act is abandoned despite having interesting story material. A patriarchal society that changes its gods’ lore for convenience and uses women as tools for trading is ripe with challenging stories. All of these are abandoned as soon as we reach Kieran’s world. Even Selene’s disdain for marriage as an institution due to her society is forgotten about by the end. She does not even grapple with it internally. And don’t bother to ask how anything works, because it will not be answered. I still have no clue what role magic plays in this world besides being vaguely present according to the characters. Why are faeries and fae different? Why does Selene believe in a monotheistic god and not the gods of her people? Why do all these girls from different lands speak the same language? Did Selene know that these magical races like fae and orcs existed before the plot started? Where do they all come from? None of these are answered, along with a number of questions raised by the plot. And, no, a sequel coming out is not an excuse. At least some of the story has to be resolved in its own book. The damned curse isn’t even broken by the end!
I have one more thing to point out, but I have to clarify that this is just speculation. I have no proof that this is true. Don’t sue me. This reads like it was written, at least partially, by AI. The recycled content from other novels, the aggressive short-term memory loss in the writing, the bizarre punctuation use (as pointed out by a friend who read the ebook), and many other issues are trademark AI signs. At best, this book was not edited at all. At worst, AI was possibly used to fill in scenes, give ideas, or even write large portions. Some of my suspicion comes from the author’s liberal use of AI in her advertising before switching to commissioning actual human artists. If AI was used at all, I take back anything I said about not being an asshole. If AI was used, this book is shit. If it wasn’t used…it’s still not good.
Overall, when reading, I was bored. It could be cut down by like 25% or more.
I’m no writer, but if I were to give advice to the author, here it is: Stop writing and start reading. Develop a passion first. Read Tolkien, Sanderson, Le Guin, and Bardugo. Hell, read more than just fantasy or romantasy. Challenge yourself. Read something that makes you uncomfortable. Find out what story you actually want to tell, if you have one in you. I saw a reel you made saying that writing isn’t hard. Writing isn’t hard, but writing something good is.