How to Die in the 21st Century: A Whole New Way to Talk about Death

by Hannah Gould

Talking about death won't kill you. Yet in today's world, death remains one of our greatest taboos. As religion declines and rituals fade, we are left without much guidance for one of life's only certainties. This is your book for death in the 21st century – a compassionate, practical and surprisingly hopeful guide to understanding mortality.

From cremation to green burials, from grieving a pet to navigating memorial etiquette, anthropologist and death scholar Hannah Gould answers the questions most of us are too afraid to

Do I really get my loved one's ashes back from the crematorium? Can I turn into a tree when I die? How do I talk to my parents about end-of-life planning? Should I attend my ex's dad's funeral? Will I ever stop crying over my dog? Honest, witty and deeply reassuring, Gould invites listeners to confront mortality not with fear, but with curiosity and courage.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Cultural

Audible Audio

Published March 3, 2026

Reviews

[Hannah Hale]

As an only child, as a teacher, as the niece of many LGBTQIA+ people, as a friend, as cousin to a 6 year old dead child; this spoke to me in so many different ways.

I loved that this came with a Melbourne lens, and lasered in on the wellness industry throughout. I also appreciated the upbeat nature of the writing that also doesn’t hold back on the facts.

Finally, I never really thought about life expectancy vs healthy life expectancy - something to ponder for me.

[Christina]

Death is hard. Avoiding it is harder. I initially listened to this as an audiobook but realised half way through that I was going to need a physical copy as well, because it is packed full of such interesting and helpful information. Really well thought out and I was actually inspired, in a strange way! Highly recommend.

[Kaija Strautins]

I really enjoyed the anthropological and societal lens of this, how death is viewed by a society, our rituals and their purposes.

[Jessica Daley]

Very interesting read. Promotes the importance of having difficult conversations surrounding mortality to promote ‘better’ dying practices and more compassion for the dying and those working in death care. Really enjoyed it.

[V V]

Well, some people should just not write books for the sake of writing something.

The quotes on the front face of the book said “you will live better after reading this book” “author makes dying sound fascinating if not fun”. I could not find even one page of this book to support any of this opinions.

The book is exceptionally boring, with expanded pages of basically talking about nothing. The information given is so mediocre that I do not understand if this book is aimed at people who are 10 years old or the ones who never heard of death before?

Here is a summary of the entire book so you do not waste your time and money:
1. You will die
2. You will decay
3. You can choose cremation or burial
4. Any other type body disposing is either a.not developed b.illegal c. Not accessible
5. You can choose coffin
6. You can choose to decorate coffin or personalise your funeral
7. Funeral homes are there to help you with above


What an absolute joke

[Jessica]

Funny, compassionate, politically aware, this book even offers practical prompts and suggestions for how we can re-imagine our approach to dying, funerals, grief and memorialisation, expanding it from a private fear into the realms of collective experience and social responsibility. I love the author's recognition that inequality extends to end-of-life and death considerations too, and how deftly she identifies the oppressive narratives and social control at work in this sphere. Since we are heading toward an era of 'peak death' and yet largely live in death denial, we can all draw on our creativity and community spirit, as well as examples from past traditions and new innovations, to approach the inevitable with social awareness and a deepened expression of our shared humanity.

[Helen Homer]

I found this a great book,mixing many practical decisions/processes falling death,with may more esoteric and ethereal thoughts on mortality. The book is very clear about the need to communicate more openly about death,both in a personal and societal context and this is something I very much agree with, and stresses that awareness and acceptance of death and mortality does not necessitate positivity about death, it sucks! But it is going to happen and ignoring it won't stop that.

I got a lot from this book, and will likely read it again, if you are grieving I would recommend it, and it youre not, I would still recommend it, you will be one day.

[Alison]

Not a bad book, written by an Aussie anthropologist, and although an occasional 'grouse' bit about death and decay, it has loads of interesting facts, life and death ideas looking at 'how' and some of the issues with modern funerals and such, and although there could have been more perhaps about what really 'needs' to be done with death, but still, Gould gives you loads to think about and although death is something we all have to deal with at some point, written not 'funny', but not morbidly either which was nice. Suitable for the non-squeamish and older teens and adults.

[Kel Harry]

A great practical book on death, planning, funerals etc. Not a step by step guide, an exploration of options, teachings, cultures, laws etc. Encouraging conversation around death and dying including environmental, societal, monetary issues etc.
Great book
I think especially if you have not encountered death as it takes away some of the mystery and fear.
I listened to the audio version read by the auditor, it was awesome. I’ll now buy a hard copy so I can share with family and friends and further reference the ideas

[Cosette]

A clear, readable introduction to death and dying, from an Australian perspective. Gould has a knack for taking things that sound clinical or morbid, crematorium mechanics, coffin regulations, the "becoming a tree" myth, and making them accessible without dumbing them down. The chapter on her time interning at a Melbourne crematorium is a highlight, full of small human details, even though the book overall keeps a bit of academic distance from the emotional side of things.

It's written for people who've never had to think about any of this, so if you already work in the space, you won't find much new here. It's also Australian in its specifics, which is worth knowing if you're reading from elsewhere.

I recommend it, especially as a first book on the subject.

[Caitlin G]

Like most people, I don't want to think about death, especially when it involves the people I love and of course myself. However, Hannah articulated beautifully what death, dying and grieving looks likes, feels like, smells like in a tasteful and insightful way. I'm glad she wrote this book, I'm glad I read it! Talking about death won't bring about death!

[Kerry]

Finished July 2026. GREAT.
This really did speak to me… the avoidance of death discussions in family and friends is something we have all come across.
It IS a part of life.. why not discuss now how you want that inevitable outcome to handled if possible.
Why leave it to others to do ‘what they think’ or what they think you might want
A great book. Absolutely one to be shared

[Annie Wang]

For the first time in history, humans are (often) living to adulthood without real experience of death and grief. Our culture promotes death denialism and shifts death to the medical sphere. I thought the book was practical and interesting, and shifted my perspective of “a good death”.

I also found the section which explores the (evolving) definition brain death vs biological death insightful.

[Karen Kay]

Very accurate information. A lot of humour to diffuse the sobriety that can shroud the subject. I felt it was a little skewed with some personal bias at some points.

[April]

Some good, practical considerations to get people having necessary conversations about death. This seems like it's accessible and hits points that I think people want to know.

[Zac Dragan]

Excellent frolic into the inevitable

[Beverley Clack]

An enjoyable, life affirming read that tells us death is inevitable and urges us to consider the possibility that through contemplating that sobering fact, we can enrich the life we are living now.

[Mya]

Very basic introduction to death.

[Courtney Streeter]

Enjoyed the Australian perspective. Some good takeaways about the opportunity to personalise your own death. But was really drilling in the point that we all die (I know) by the end

[Vikki Matthews]

The first end of life/ death care / after death book I have ever actively disliked. As someone who has worked in end of life care, some of the wording is so careless.

[Lauren]

pretty basic but as an existential nihilist any excuse to talk about death is a w especially from an aussie pov to keep it nice and close to home

[Tesmos]

Excellent book. Thoughtfully done. Well researched. A must read for all.

[Karen O'Brien]

A very good read

We will all die as will everyone we know and don't know. This book is engaging, knowledgeable and will help you to engage with an inevitable event in all our lives. I loved it.

[Umar]

Not as depressing as I expected. Learned some interesting things.

[Bill Jones]

Inspired me to make a death playlist. I found the insights regarding the over medicalisation of death and related stigma in the 21st century fascinating. Western attitudes to this are so perplexing. Devastated I can’t be made into a tree after I die though.

[JessQueen]

How to Die in the 21st Century by Hannah Gould

Thanks to the ALC program by @librofm I was had the amazing opportunity to listen to Gould’s work and learn so much about everything that surrounds death. I do believe people need to know, learn and understand what happens to us, as the D word is also part of our lives.

Blurb:

Talking about death won't kill you. Yet in today's world, death remains one of our greatest taboos. As religion declines and rituals fade, we are left without much guidance for one of life's only certainties. This is your handbook for death in the 21st century – a compassionate, practical and surprisingly hopeful guide to understanding mortality. From cremation to green burials, from grieving a pet to navigating memorial etiquette, anthropologist and death scholar Hannah Gould answers the questions most of us are too afraid to ask: – Do I really get my loved one's ashes back from the crematorium? – Can I turn into a tree when I die? – How do I talk to my parents about end-of-life planning? – Should I attend my ex's dad's funeral? – Will I ever stop crying over my dog? Honest, witty and deeply reassuring, Gould invites listeners to confront mortality not with fear, but with curiosity and courage.

My thoughts 💭

This is certainly a 5⭐️ book. There’s nothing that Gould left unsaid. She went for all. The good, the bad and the ugly. Now I do really understand so much about my choices, about my family’s opinions and especially I learnt more about what I want for my body after death. There are a million different things to consider and I do believe it’s healthy to openly talk about it as it lessens the burden to the ones who are left behind. It’s a wonderful, wise and even fun book at some point. I loved this book and I highly recommend it!