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The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans
A revelatory exploration of the ways we can find meaning in the tumult of change, from a renowned cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans.
Life has a way of thwarting our best-laid plans. Out of nowhere you get an unexpected diagnosis, or your relationship ends, or you suffer some other trick of fate. In these moments, it can feel like you’re free-falling into the unknown.
Maya Shankar has spent decades researching people’s interior lives. When an unexpected change in her own life left her reeling, she sought out people who had gone through extraordinary disruption and asked them to tell her everything.
This book pairs intimate, illuminating stories with the latest science of human behavior, offering wisdom and practical strategies to help us better navigate these pivotal moments. Shankar encourages us to rethink our relationship with change by What if we saw change as a chance to reimagine ourselves, rather than as something to just endure? What potential could change unlock within us? The unique stresses and demands of our situation can help us tap into new abilities, perspectives, and values. Sometimes the hardest moments in our lives allow us to more deeply discover who we are and who we can become.
Life has a way of thwarting our best-laid plans. Out of nowhere you get an unexpected diagnosis, or your relationship ends, or you suffer some other trick of fate. In these moments, it can feel like you’re free-falling into the unknown.
Maya Shankar has spent decades researching people’s interior lives. When an unexpected change in her own life left her reeling, she sought out people who had gone through extraordinary disruption and asked them to tell her everything.
This book pairs intimate, illuminating stories with the latest science of human behavior, offering wisdom and practical strategies to help us better navigate these pivotal moments. Shankar encourages us to rethink our relationship with change by What if we saw change as a chance to reimagine ourselves, rather than as something to just endure? What potential could change unlock within us? The unique stresses and demands of our situation can help us tap into new abilities, perspectives, and values. Sometimes the hardest moments in our lives allow us to more deeply discover who we are and who we can become.
6 pages, Audiobook
Published January 13, 2026
416 people are currently reading
4625 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
January 16, 2026
This book is about what happens when life goes off script. Loss, illness, prison, exile. The moments that divide life into before and after.
I made a mistake with this book by going straight to the appendix to get an overview. It summarises each chapter and lists the tools, and nothing there looked particularly new. So I assumed this would be just another “wellbeing” book. If you’ve read a few books on mental health or psychological wellbeing, you’ll recognise most of the concepts here.
But once I actually read the chapters, I realised that’s not what this book is doing. Shanker doesn’t present ideas or give you strategies in an instructional way. She embeds them in powerful (vivid and deeply moving) real-life stories, the kind that stay with you. You might not remember every tool, but you’ll remember the stories.
One of my favourite lines, which I think sums up the main message, is:
When we’re feeling daunted at the outset of a change, there is comfort in knowing that the person who will undergo the full experience will be different from who we are in this very moment.
This book doesn’t tell you how to change. It gives you the tools, the courage and the comfort for when unexpected change happens.
Thank you to Riverhead Books and NetGalley for the ARC.
I made a mistake with this book by going straight to the appendix to get an overview. It summarises each chapter and lists the tools, and nothing there looked particularly new. So I assumed this would be just another “wellbeing” book. If you’ve read a few books on mental health or psychological wellbeing, you’ll recognise most of the concepts here.
But once I actually read the chapters, I realised that’s not what this book is doing. Shanker doesn’t present ideas or give you strategies in an instructional way. She embeds them in powerful (vivid and deeply moving) real-life stories, the kind that stay with you. You might not remember every tool, but you’ll remember the stories.
One of my favourite lines, which I think sums up the main message, is:
When we’re feeling daunted at the outset of a change, there is comfort in knowing that the person who will undergo the full experience will be different from who we are in this very moment.
This book doesn’t tell you how to change. It gives you the tools, the courage and the comfort for when unexpected change happens.
Thank you to Riverhead Books and NetGalley for the ARC.
January 21, 2026
Not a self help book but a reflect and grow book. I loved every word of it and every lesson and story! Looking forward to the amazing ways I will continue to grow and change as my life continuously evolves. Fantastic read!
August 11, 2025
I loved this book. The book ends with a set of strategies, grounded in psychological research, that we can all use to navigate change. But the strength of the book is how Maya weaves those themes through the journeys of the people she profiles. She has thought deeply about how we experience the unexpected in our lives, and her insight, compassion, and wisdom shine through in every story that she tells -- like sitting down with a gentle and trusted friend. The core of the book is her belief that in navigating change, we face challenges and obstacles we could not have imagined but also tap inner reserves and develop capabilities we didn't know we had. At the end of the book, she shares her own story which is as touching as all of the others she tells. I'd strongly recommend this book not only to anyone navigating a change in their own lives (which at some point is all of us) -- but to anyone who appreciates a book that is honest and true.
February 17, 2026
So interesting to think that we aren’t the same people at the beginning of change than we are at the end. I picked this up from the library because ads for this book were relentless on one of the podcasts that I listen to. I’m glad I did!
January 14, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced ebook of this text!
I really enjoyed this book, and I truly wish I could have had it 10-15 years ago, heck even 20 years ago, when I was going through some difficult life changes. The kind where you question if your life is going in the direction you thought it would, that kind of thing.
The book offers insight into several real individuals who have faced obstacles, fallen into common mental traps related to them, and come out on the other side changed. The book offers a glimpse into what helped those individuals find their way, mentally.
This isn’t a “how to fix your life with these easy tips!” kind of read; the advice is difficult but fruitful. It won’t make your divorce seem like a gift or the death of a parent like a meaningful tradition. Life is still full of traumatic, life-altering events, but the text does offer really good advice for how to view these events in new ways.
The best part? There’s a kind of tool kit/survival resource at the end of the book. This would have been PHENOMENAL when I needed it.
I only rated a 4 instead of a 5 because I knew much of the content already. It is a personal rating, not a reflection in the content itself (which is superb).
I really enjoyed this book, and I truly wish I could have had it 10-15 years ago, heck even 20 years ago, when I was going through some difficult life changes. The kind where you question if your life is going in the direction you thought it would, that kind of thing.
The book offers insight into several real individuals who have faced obstacles, fallen into common mental traps related to them, and come out on the other side changed. The book offers a glimpse into what helped those individuals find their way, mentally.
This isn’t a “how to fix your life with these easy tips!” kind of read; the advice is difficult but fruitful. It won’t make your divorce seem like a gift or the death of a parent like a meaningful tradition. Life is still full of traumatic, life-altering events, but the text does offer really good advice for how to view these events in new ways.
The best part? There’s a kind of tool kit/survival resource at the end of the book. This would have been PHENOMENAL when I needed it.
I only rated a 4 instead of a 5 because I knew much of the content already. It is a personal rating, not a reflection in the content itself (which is superb).
February 13, 2026
We always see ourselves in the books we read, but this was ridiculous.
The "Mind Spirals" chapter specifically. It focuses on a young, healthy guy (film buff with a thing for Woody Allen) who's struck with sudden hearing issues. He panics, sees specialists, worries about brain tumors. Then, after the MRI and the clean bills of health, he goes to the movies and starts to laugh. Over time, he begins settling into a new normal. The more he focuses on the external world, the softer the internal ringing in his head seems to sound.
"Its just my version of quiet now," he says.
There's no closure or clean fix. Adaptation, he learns, is a form of acceptance.
But what makes this book special is that it isnt about perspective shifts. It isn't telling you to change your mind and you change your life, or some other empty platitude. That hearing story, like almost every testimonial in the book, finds its resolution in connection, not clarity. Looking outward, to community or comedy or new careers -- whatever -- is the path forward, almost every time. The pattern seems to be: open up to people. Trust them with your secrets. Be vulnerable to be healed
This book also covers old, toxic ways that I, like so many overthinkers, have intellectualized hard transitions in the past -- ruminating as if the "outsmart" the problem; "No one else is thinking about this topic in this way!" And that's instructive too: a reminder of what to avoid at all cost.
The book is a loud reminder that change and loss are both constant and universal. And the more we try to control, the less room we give ourselves to grow.
Maybe closure is a myth but acceptance, intention and connection are not, and don't they lead to the same place?
The "Mind Spirals" chapter specifically. It focuses on a young, healthy guy (film buff with a thing for Woody Allen) who's struck with sudden hearing issues. He panics, sees specialists, worries about brain tumors. Then, after the MRI and the clean bills of health, he goes to the movies and starts to laugh. Over time, he begins settling into a new normal. The more he focuses on the external world, the softer the internal ringing in his head seems to sound.
"Its just my version of quiet now," he says.
There's no closure or clean fix. Adaptation, he learns, is a form of acceptance.
But what makes this book special is that it isnt about perspective shifts. It isn't telling you to change your mind and you change your life, or some other empty platitude. That hearing story, like almost every testimonial in the book, finds its resolution in connection, not clarity. Looking outward, to community or comedy or new careers -- whatever -- is the path forward, almost every time. The pattern seems to be: open up to people. Trust them with your secrets. Be vulnerable to be healed
This book also covers old, toxic ways that I, like so many overthinkers, have intellectualized hard transitions in the past -- ruminating as if the "outsmart" the problem; "No one else is thinking about this topic in this way!" And that's instructive too: a reminder of what to avoid at all cost.
The book is a loud reminder that change and loss are both constant and universal. And the more we try to control, the less room we give ourselves to grow.
Maybe closure is a myth but acceptance, intention and connection are not, and don't they lead to the same place?
February 11, 2026
This one was hard for me to rate—I'd really give it 3.5 stars, but I rounded up to 4. Shankar does a beautiful job weaving together real stories of resilience with her research, and a lot of those stories will stick with me. Personally, though, I wish there had been more about the broader behavioral science and how it applies to whole populations. Still, it was an easy read and I’d definitely recommend it, especially since we’re all trying to navigate a world that feels constantly uncertain and ever‑changing.
February 9, 2026
Wow this book! I listened to it at the gym and each chapter I had all the feels. I would be very close to tears especially the chapter on infertility. The heartbreak and tragedies that people went through was hard to listen to and yet at the end of each chapter I saw how the person had grown. It was a beautiful read with sadness and joy. I highly recommend it.
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January 19, 2026The Other Side of Change - Maya Shankar
Maya Shankar’s book was made available on January 13, 2026, and I read it when it was hot off the press. I have known Maya since she was in her mother’s womb and have seen her make giant strides at every phase of her life. At the age of six, Maya who was a phenomenal violinist, was admitted to the Juilliard School of Music’s pre-college program where she was a private student of Itzhak Perlman. After a B.A. from Yale, Maya did her Ph.D in Cognitive Psychology at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, and topped it off with a postdoctoral fellowship in Cognitive Neuroscience from Stanford. She worked as a senior advisor at the White House during President Obama’s tenure, was the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations under Ban Ki-Moon, and has many other distinctions to her name. This book is yet another quantum leap in her path to fame and recognition.
When Maya was in High School, her dream of becoming a concert violinist was punctured because a hand injury made it impossible for her to play the violin ever again. The violin was her life, her identity. She loved connecting emotionally with people through violin and to suddenly give it up was devastating. But Maya gradually bounced back from this major letdown. Being a creative, emotional person, her career as a cognitive scientist helped her establish that connection. A few years later Maya suffered another major disillusionment. She and her husband wanted so much to become parents but couldn’t. This led to so much isolation, sorrow, and a sense that her life was spiraling out of control that she began to reach out to others who suffered major upheavals to see how they overcame their challenges. By leveraging her skills as an interviewer, she surveyed people, including many famous personalities, for her podcast titled “A Slight Change of Plans” which she began in 2021. There was so much she learned from those interviews; “there were patterns emerging across their stories”. She discovered people were using shared strategies to face these challenges. “Those of us going through changes are far more connected than we thought. We can learn from one another’s stories even if they don’t look like our own,” writes Maya. The result of her findings from the interviews is this book which features stories of people who have overcome insurmountable changes that have led to a positive transformation. The stories are heart-wrenching but have constructive influence.
Here are a few stories from the book. Olivia Lewis, a senior at Virginia Commonwealth University suffered a massive brain-stem stroke which left her in a condition called locked-in syndrome. Her chances of survival were dubious but after several months in the hospital and an extensive period of rehabilitation, she made good progress. At first she was in denial about her condition, optimistic that she will eventually fully recover. Denial is a common reaction to a sea change. Right from a young age, other people’s opinions of her mattered a great deal to Olivia and this consequently stripped her of her self-assurance. The stroke caused her embarrassment because her condition made her drool. How will people react? What will they think of her? But she learned to reshape her identity by relying less on what others thought of her and by learning to accept that she may not recover fully. This psychological shift helped in her recovery. The positive outcome of her stroke was that it helped her reach her self-assured place faster than she would have otherwise.
Dwayne Betts, a high school student, was charged with carjacking and robbery and ended up in prison. He was ashamed and angry that he destroyed his life by his stupidity. He had a preconceived notion of prisoners and thought he had no future until he met Bilal, a fellow inmate, who looked and acted different from the others. He was always well-dressed, carried himself well, took other young prisoners under his wing and showed an “honorable willingness to bat for someone he didn’t even know.” Bilal made Dwayne realize that you don’t have to look and behave like the stereotypical poisoner - it is possible to be different and have a future. He began reading books in prison including books on poetry. Dwayne was impacted by a particular poem that he read which told the story of a young inmate who had been raped. So he began writing poems about his experiences in prison to share the horrors that prisoners endured. Five years later he was moved to a lower security prison and decided to submit his poems for publication. After many rejections, one of his poems got published in a literary magazine, making him a published writer. Following his release, Dwayne earned a B.A. , an M.F.A. in creative writing, and even got a law degree from Yale. He published his memoir in 2009 and President Obama appointed him to a task force on restoring juvenile justice and preventing delinquency. Betts created a non-profit called Freedom Reads in 2020 for starting small libraries in prison, and was the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship in 2021. His experiences in prison turned him into a poet and earned him other glories.
Sometimes setting smaller goals for yourself after a major change can reap meaningful results as in the case of Christine Ha who became blind at the age of 24 due to an autoimmune disease. Her dream of becoming an ambitious cook was shattered then, but instead of letting it get to her, she pursued her ambition by started with small tasks such as cutting a slice of orange or making scrambled eggs. Concentrating on little things helped her achieve her aspirations and gain confidence. In due time she became a dexterous cook, wrote blogs about her experience, and went on to win season 3 of Master Chef!
ABC news correspondent, Matt Gutman, was suspended for reporting incorrect information relating to Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash. After this incident, he began scouring the web for negative comments about himself, and was prone to severe panic attacks and self-denigration. He kept ruminating on his inaccurate reporting which prevented him from getting out of the rut. But through therapy, Matt was eventually able to distance himself from his negative thoughts by “zooming out” and seeking other points of view to approach his problem constructively. “New perspectives…help us forge new pathways,” writes Shankar.
Ingrid Rojas Contreras worked as a freelance Spanish-English translator for magazines and newspapers. When she lived in Colombia as a young girl, her mother told her stories about her family’s magical powers; they could heal people with herbs and medicines, speak to spirits, and predict the future. But Ingrid was ridiculed whenever she narrated some of those stories to her friends so her mother ordered her never to share her family stories with anyone. She tried writing a memoir about her family heritage in her freshman writing class but she was accused of fabricating stories. She never tried after that. One day she met with an accident while riding her bike which caused her to lose her memory; she had retrograde amnesia where she lost existing memories but could form new ones. During her recovery period she discovered that flashes of memory from the past would come to her occasionally. But she never let anyone know that she was slowly regaining her lost memory. Snapshots of her family history were scrolling past her mind’s eye, leaving her with a sense of wonder and nostalgia. She wanted so much to talk about her family when previously she was ashamed and avoided recounting those incidents. So she continued writing the memoir she started in her freshman year which was published in 2022 as “The Man Who Could Move Clouds”, and was a finalist for the National Book Award and the Pulitzer Prize. Her amnesia made her realize that her shame was just a block in her identity and gave her a new way of seeing things.
Maryann Gray accidentally killed a little boy when he darted in front of her car from behind a bush. She was plagued by anxiety, guilt, fear, and remorse after that incident. Although Maryann knew she was not morally responsible for the child’d death, she lived in constant fear that she might cause misfortune. She experienced dysfunctional relationships, refrained from having children fearing they may not be safe in her care, and she didn’t allow herself any enjoyment. Years later she read about an octogenarian who had lost control of his car in a farmers market and had killed ten and injured more than sixty. The incident was all over the news with people blaming the old gentleman. Maryann wrote an article to NPR about the crash stating that while she felt sorry for all those who lost their lives, she also felt empathy for Weller and forgave because she underwent a similar experience years ago. Her article drew a lot of support from everyone, contrary to her expectations. “All Things Considered” aired her piece and she received a lot of sympathy and kindness from the public who commended her for her bravery. This prompter Maryann to create a website, “Accidental Impacts” later renamed “Hyacinth Fellowship”, which contains her story and PTSD resources for accidental killers like herself all over the world. Change can present opportunities for us to refashion our lives and really make a difference in the lives of others, as in Maryann’s case.
Shankar concludes her narrative with this truth, “Change can transform us in unexpected ways. We just don’t know till we get there.”
The book is a great boon to anyone navigating a drastic change in their lives. The narrative is free-flowing; it is well-researched and is a good balance of emotion, observation, and science. The stories are touching, the scientific evidence is robust. The Appendix offers a Change Survival Kit which highlights the main concepts from each chapter with scientific terminology explained and what one can do in each instance. Exhaustive notes and a meticulously curated index are additional useful features of the book.
Maya Shankar’s book was made available on January 13, 2026, and I read it when it was hot off the press. I have known Maya since she was in her mother’s womb and have seen her make giant strides at every phase of her life. At the age of six, Maya who was a phenomenal violinist, was admitted to the Juilliard School of Music’s pre-college program where she was a private student of Itzhak Perlman. After a B.A. from Yale, Maya did her Ph.D in Cognitive Psychology at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, and topped it off with a postdoctoral fellowship in Cognitive Neuroscience from Stanford. She worked as a senior advisor at the White House during President Obama’s tenure, was the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations under Ban Ki-Moon, and has many other distinctions to her name. This book is yet another quantum leap in her path to fame and recognition.
When Maya was in High School, her dream of becoming a concert violinist was punctured because a hand injury made it impossible for her to play the violin ever again. The violin was her life, her identity. She loved connecting emotionally with people through violin and to suddenly give it up was devastating. But Maya gradually bounced back from this major letdown. Being a creative, emotional person, her career as a cognitive scientist helped her establish that connection. A few years later Maya suffered another major disillusionment. She and her husband wanted so much to become parents but couldn’t. This led to so much isolation, sorrow, and a sense that her life was spiraling out of control that she began to reach out to others who suffered major upheavals to see how they overcame their challenges. By leveraging her skills as an interviewer, she surveyed people, including many famous personalities, for her podcast titled “A Slight Change of Plans” which she began in 2021. There was so much she learned from those interviews; “there were patterns emerging across their stories”. She discovered people were using shared strategies to face these challenges. “Those of us going through changes are far more connected than we thought. We can learn from one another’s stories even if they don’t look like our own,” writes Maya. The result of her findings from the interviews is this book which features stories of people who have overcome insurmountable changes that have led to a positive transformation. The stories are heart-wrenching but have constructive influence.
Here are a few stories from the book. Olivia Lewis, a senior at Virginia Commonwealth University suffered a massive brain-stem stroke which left her in a condition called locked-in syndrome. Her chances of survival were dubious but after several months in the hospital and an extensive period of rehabilitation, she made good progress. At first she was in denial about her condition, optimistic that she will eventually fully recover. Denial is a common reaction to a sea change. Right from a young age, other people’s opinions of her mattered a great deal to Olivia and this consequently stripped her of her self-assurance. The stroke caused her embarrassment because her condition made her drool. How will people react? What will they think of her? But she learned to reshape her identity by relying less on what others thought of her and by learning to accept that she may not recover fully. This psychological shift helped in her recovery. The positive outcome of her stroke was that it helped her reach her self-assured place faster than she would have otherwise.
Dwayne Betts, a high school student, was charged with carjacking and robbery and ended up in prison. He was ashamed and angry that he destroyed his life by his stupidity. He had a preconceived notion of prisoners and thought he had no future until he met Bilal, a fellow inmate, who looked and acted different from the others. He was always well-dressed, carried himself well, took other young prisoners under his wing and showed an “honorable willingness to bat for someone he didn’t even know.” Bilal made Dwayne realize that you don’t have to look and behave like the stereotypical poisoner - it is possible to be different and have a future. He began reading books in prison including books on poetry. Dwayne was impacted by a particular poem that he read which told the story of a young inmate who had been raped. So he began writing poems about his experiences in prison to share the horrors that prisoners endured. Five years later he was moved to a lower security prison and decided to submit his poems for publication. After many rejections, one of his poems got published in a literary magazine, making him a published writer. Following his release, Dwayne earned a B.A. , an M.F.A. in creative writing, and even got a law degree from Yale. He published his memoir in 2009 and President Obama appointed him to a task force on restoring juvenile justice and preventing delinquency. Betts created a non-profit called Freedom Reads in 2020 for starting small libraries in prison, and was the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship in 2021. His experiences in prison turned him into a poet and earned him other glories.
Sometimes setting smaller goals for yourself after a major change can reap meaningful results as in the case of Christine Ha who became blind at the age of 24 due to an autoimmune disease. Her dream of becoming an ambitious cook was shattered then, but instead of letting it get to her, she pursued her ambition by started with small tasks such as cutting a slice of orange or making scrambled eggs. Concentrating on little things helped her achieve her aspirations and gain confidence. In due time she became a dexterous cook, wrote blogs about her experience, and went on to win season 3 of Master Chef!
ABC news correspondent, Matt Gutman, was suspended for reporting incorrect information relating to Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash. After this incident, he began scouring the web for negative comments about himself, and was prone to severe panic attacks and self-denigration. He kept ruminating on his inaccurate reporting which prevented him from getting out of the rut. But through therapy, Matt was eventually able to distance himself from his negative thoughts by “zooming out” and seeking other points of view to approach his problem constructively. “New perspectives…help us forge new pathways,” writes Shankar.
Ingrid Rojas Contreras worked as a freelance Spanish-English translator for magazines and newspapers. When she lived in Colombia as a young girl, her mother told her stories about her family’s magical powers; they could heal people with herbs and medicines, speak to spirits, and predict the future. But Ingrid was ridiculed whenever she narrated some of those stories to her friends so her mother ordered her never to share her family stories with anyone. She tried writing a memoir about her family heritage in her freshman writing class but she was accused of fabricating stories. She never tried after that. One day she met with an accident while riding her bike which caused her to lose her memory; she had retrograde amnesia where she lost existing memories but could form new ones. During her recovery period she discovered that flashes of memory from the past would come to her occasionally. But she never let anyone know that she was slowly regaining her lost memory. Snapshots of her family history were scrolling past her mind’s eye, leaving her with a sense of wonder and nostalgia. She wanted so much to talk about her family when previously she was ashamed and avoided recounting those incidents. So she continued writing the memoir she started in her freshman year which was published in 2022 as “The Man Who Could Move Clouds”, and was a finalist for the National Book Award and the Pulitzer Prize. Her amnesia made her realize that her shame was just a block in her identity and gave her a new way of seeing things.
Maryann Gray accidentally killed a little boy when he darted in front of her car from behind a bush. She was plagued by anxiety, guilt, fear, and remorse after that incident. Although Maryann knew she was not morally responsible for the child’d death, she lived in constant fear that she might cause misfortune. She experienced dysfunctional relationships, refrained from having children fearing they may not be safe in her care, and she didn’t allow herself any enjoyment. Years later she read about an octogenarian who had lost control of his car in a farmers market and had killed ten and injured more than sixty. The incident was all over the news with people blaming the old gentleman. Maryann wrote an article to NPR about the crash stating that while she felt sorry for all those who lost their lives, she also felt empathy for Weller and forgave because she underwent a similar experience years ago. Her article drew a lot of support from everyone, contrary to her expectations. “All Things Considered” aired her piece and she received a lot of sympathy and kindness from the public who commended her for her bravery. This prompter Maryann to create a website, “Accidental Impacts” later renamed “Hyacinth Fellowship”, which contains her story and PTSD resources for accidental killers like herself all over the world. Change can present opportunities for us to refashion our lives and really make a difference in the lives of others, as in Maryann’s case.
Shankar concludes her narrative with this truth, “Change can transform us in unexpected ways. We just don’t know till we get there.”
The book is a great boon to anyone navigating a drastic change in their lives. The narrative is free-flowing; it is well-researched and is a good balance of emotion, observation, and science. The stories are touching, the scientific evidence is robust. The Appendix offers a Change Survival Kit which highlights the main concepts from each chapter with scientific terminology explained and what one can do in each instance. Exhaustive notes and a meticulously curated index are additional useful features of the book.
February 3, 2026
I appreciated the nuance of each story and the connections presented between humanity and science, specifically how it can and often times must go hand in hand
January 14, 2026
This is a profound book that will linger with me long after finishing. Beyond its narrative elegance, it offers a practical compass for navigating the inevitable change each and every one of us will face in life.
January 31, 2026
I enjoyed the first couple of chapters, but subsequent ones leaned heavily on examples of debilitating anxiety, which personally felt less accessible for me.
I appreciated the overall theme of the book: "What if we saw the hardest moments in our lives as a chance to reimagine ourselves, rather than as something to just endure? What potential could change unlock within us?" (page xvi)
My biggest takeaway: "I'm slowly learning to attach my identity not just to specific pursuits, but to the underlying features of those pursuits that make me light up—in other words, to define myself not simply by what I do but by why I do it. It's a way to give myself a softer landing the next time my 'what' is put at risk; my 'why' will still be there, and it can help steer me toward my next chapter" (29-30).
I appreciated the overall theme of the book: "What if we saw the hardest moments in our lives as a chance to reimagine ourselves, rather than as something to just endure? What potential could change unlock within us?" (page xvi)
My biggest takeaway: "I'm slowly learning to attach my identity not just to specific pursuits, but to the underlying features of those pursuits that make me light up—in other words, to define myself not simply by what I do but by why I do it. It's a way to give myself a softer landing the next time my 'what' is put at risk; my 'why' will still be there, and it can help steer me toward my next chapter" (29-30).
October 25, 2025
Life can change in a second ... Shankar profiles survivors who have turned unspeakable tragedies into positive forces...
January 30, 2026
Attended Maya’s book talk in Barnes and Noble in the UWS (after watching You’ve Got Mail recently), moderated by Neha Ruch who wrote the Power Pause (that Mariah told me about!), then had a delicious dinner in a Tiki Bar. Not bad at all for a Tuesday night!
This was a breezy read, and Maya’s book talk helped contextualise a lot of the frameworks and stories. She is so likeable and sweet that you can’t give this book anything less than a 4. The stories brought tears to my eyes; the frameworks useful and straightforward.
Excerpts
“Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts?"
The feeling of wonder, reverence, and surrender that overcame Ramsey in the theater—in a word, the experience of awe—has a unique power to break the spell of rumination. Dacher Keltner, a leading expert on the science of awe, defines the emotion as "the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world." This sense of vastness can be produced by anything that's larger than ourselves, physically or conceptually: the grandeur of an electric storm filling the sky, the elegance of a piece of music, the groundbreaking nature of a scientific discovery, the breathtaking design of a work of architecture, the consummate skill of an athlete. Encounters like these cause little earthquakes in our minds, prompting us to revise our existing assumptions about the world. […]
Awe can quiet our mental chatter not just by challenging the beliefs that triggered our rumination in the first place but by diminishing our sense of self; neuroscience studies show that when we experience awe, activity in brain regions associated with self-focus decreases. This allows us to see beyond our individual wants, needs, and anxieties, and to internalize that we are part of a larger whole.
“The only thing I can liken it to is being a little kid who is scared to jump off the diving board," Tara said. "As you're about to make the plunge, you think, "This is really scary. I could die. Actually, I am going to die. This is definitely going to kill me? And then you land in the swimming pool, and you get a headful of chlorinated water up your nose, and it definitely hurts like hell. But you didn't die. And then... you feel a little exhilarated."
He had never questioned why he'd felt that impressing Elyse was a critical part of their relationship. She had never once suggested that anything hung on his profession, nor that she'd even taken special pride in his accomplishments. Brad had absorbed these messages from other places, perhaps initially from how people responded to his grandfather, and then through his tenure in the Navy. "I realized that this hero thing was never actually part of her narrative," Brad said.
Adopting the mindset of a scientist. This means staying curious, embracing humility, questioning your assumptions, and treating your beliefs as hypotheses that should be tested. Thinking like a scientist involves actively seeking out data, even if they contradict your own views, and being careful not to tie your identity to any given viewpoint. As part of this shift in mindset, you can ask yourself the following questions: How did I get from point A to point B in my thinking? Based on what existing beliefs did I form this new one?
Would this belief hold up against the scrutiny of the people I trust? In theory, what evidence would persuade me to change my mind? You can also engage in a thought experiment to test out the fragility of your ideas: Imagine that you were born in a different time period or place, or into a different culture or family—would you still have the same beliefs that you carry now?
In one study on self-compassion, participants were asked to reflect on an event in their lives that made them feel shame. Some of these participants then completed a self-compassion writing exercise in which they were instructed to write to themselves with kindness and concern, to try to describe their feelings objectively, and to brainstorm the varied ways in which other people might have endured something similar. Those who completed this exercise experienced a significant reduction in their shame. By contrast, participants who were instructed to simply write expressively about whatever had triggered their shame—to "let it all out"—did not experience a decrease in shame. Other studies have further demonstrated that engaging in self-compassion exercises of this kind can lessen our shame and even reduce how often we form irrational beliefs.
This was a breezy read, and Maya’s book talk helped contextualise a lot of the frameworks and stories. She is so likeable and sweet that you can’t give this book anything less than a 4. The stories brought tears to my eyes; the frameworks useful and straightforward.
Excerpts
“Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts?"
The feeling of wonder, reverence, and surrender that overcame Ramsey in the theater—in a word, the experience of awe—has a unique power to break the spell of rumination. Dacher Keltner, a leading expert on the science of awe, defines the emotion as "the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world." This sense of vastness can be produced by anything that's larger than ourselves, physically or conceptually: the grandeur of an electric storm filling the sky, the elegance of a piece of music, the groundbreaking nature of a scientific discovery, the breathtaking design of a work of architecture, the consummate skill of an athlete. Encounters like these cause little earthquakes in our minds, prompting us to revise our existing assumptions about the world. […]
Awe can quiet our mental chatter not just by challenging the beliefs that triggered our rumination in the first place but by diminishing our sense of self; neuroscience studies show that when we experience awe, activity in brain regions associated with self-focus decreases. This allows us to see beyond our individual wants, needs, and anxieties, and to internalize that we are part of a larger whole.
“The only thing I can liken it to is being a little kid who is scared to jump off the diving board," Tara said. "As you're about to make the plunge, you think, "This is really scary. I could die. Actually, I am going to die. This is definitely going to kill me? And then you land in the swimming pool, and you get a headful of chlorinated water up your nose, and it definitely hurts like hell. But you didn't die. And then... you feel a little exhilarated."
He had never questioned why he'd felt that impressing Elyse was a critical part of their relationship. She had never once suggested that anything hung on his profession, nor that she'd even taken special pride in his accomplishments. Brad had absorbed these messages from other places, perhaps initially from how people responded to his grandfather, and then through his tenure in the Navy. "I realized that this hero thing was never actually part of her narrative," Brad said.
Adopting the mindset of a scientist. This means staying curious, embracing humility, questioning your assumptions, and treating your beliefs as hypotheses that should be tested. Thinking like a scientist involves actively seeking out data, even if they contradict your own views, and being careful not to tie your identity to any given viewpoint. As part of this shift in mindset, you can ask yourself the following questions: How did I get from point A to point B in my thinking? Based on what existing beliefs did I form this new one?
Would this belief hold up against the scrutiny of the people I trust? In theory, what evidence would persuade me to change my mind? You can also engage in a thought experiment to test out the fragility of your ideas: Imagine that you were born in a different time period or place, or into a different culture or family—would you still have the same beliefs that you carry now?
In one study on self-compassion, participants were asked to reflect on an event in their lives that made them feel shame. Some of these participants then completed a self-compassion writing exercise in which they were instructed to write to themselves with kindness and concern, to try to describe their feelings objectively, and to brainstorm the varied ways in which other people might have endured something similar. Those who completed this exercise experienced a significant reduction in their shame. By contrast, participants who were instructed to simply write expressively about whatever had triggered their shame—to "let it all out"—did not experience a decrease in shame. Other studies have further demonstrated that engaging in self-compassion exercises of this kind can lessen our shame and even reduce how often we form irrational beliefs.
February 6, 2026
A great book about change with practical tips that come from research.
I really appreciate the stories in this book, but I would warn people that some of them can be quite triggering and most of them end with a happier ending or at least a perspective shift that is happy. I say that for those people that might still be grieving.
The other side of change
People who have a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock are more anxious than people who have a 100% chance of receiving an electric shock.
Conquering the middle problem
Breaking long-term goals into short term, accomplishments
Temptation bundling – example only allowing yourself to listen to your favorite music when exercising
Daniel Kahnaman and the peak end phenomenon - if you can tweak or make more fun, the peak and the end of an experience, you will remember it better
TRIGGER WARNING: this book might be hard for somebody with a disability to read sense it chronicles somebody going from locked in syndrome to skiing
Author loses ability to play violin After injury
Tinnitus
Baby with a heart defect
New research shows Attachment styles are more malleable than what psychologist once thought
Ingrid‘s memory loss as an opportunity to reform parts of our lives
Accidental impacts - Hyacinth Fellowship - woman accidentally kills child with car
Pregnancy loss
—
1. Denial
1. anchoring yourself to why you do something instead of what you do
2. self affirmation exercise - actively shift mental spotlight toward other aspects of your identity that you value
2. Possible Selves
1. Hoped-for self
2. Feared self
3. Expected self
4. Moral elevation - others that inspire
5. Middle Problem - break big goals into small pieces
6. Fresh start effect - utilizing a time that naturally feels like a new beginning
7. Temptation bundling - challenging bx with immediately rewarding bx
8. Peak-End Rule - we give greater emotional weight to the peak and the end - ex. end on a high note
End of history, illusion “people, it seems, regard the present as a watershed moment at which they have finally become the person that they will be for the rest of their lives,“ Dan Gilbert and co-authors.
“Shaped by our prior experiences, and our social and cultural environments, the possible selves generated do not always encompass the full range of what is actually available to us.”
Deleting all the photos of self on phone to fully accept self as who she is now
If i keep trying to get back to who I was, I will miss out on who I am now. - disability visibility quote that this book reminds Mary of
Mental Time Travel - play the tape all the way through
Belief in a just world
Nagoski Garden metaphor - getting to choose what’s in your garden
I really appreciate the stories in this book, but I would warn people that some of them can be quite triggering and most of them end with a happier ending or at least a perspective shift that is happy. I say that for those people that might still be grieving.
The other side of change
People who have a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock are more anxious than people who have a 100% chance of receiving an electric shock.
Conquering the middle problem
Breaking long-term goals into short term, accomplishments
Temptation bundling – example only allowing yourself to listen to your favorite music when exercising
Daniel Kahnaman and the peak end phenomenon - if you can tweak or make more fun, the peak and the end of an experience, you will remember it better
TRIGGER WARNING: this book might be hard for somebody with a disability to read sense it chronicles somebody going from locked in syndrome to skiing
Author loses ability to play violin After injury
Tinnitus
Baby with a heart defect
New research shows Attachment styles are more malleable than what psychologist once thought
Ingrid‘s memory loss as an opportunity to reform parts of our lives
Accidental impacts - Hyacinth Fellowship - woman accidentally kills child with car
Pregnancy loss
—
1. Denial
1. anchoring yourself to why you do something instead of what you do
2. self affirmation exercise - actively shift mental spotlight toward other aspects of your identity that you value
2. Possible Selves
1. Hoped-for self
2. Feared self
3. Expected self
4. Moral elevation - others that inspire
5. Middle Problem - break big goals into small pieces
6. Fresh start effect - utilizing a time that naturally feels like a new beginning
7. Temptation bundling - challenging bx with immediately rewarding bx
8. Peak-End Rule - we give greater emotional weight to the peak and the end - ex. end on a high note
End of history, illusion “people, it seems, regard the present as a watershed moment at which they have finally become the person that they will be for the rest of their lives,“ Dan Gilbert and co-authors.
“Shaped by our prior experiences, and our social and cultural environments, the possible selves generated do not always encompass the full range of what is actually available to us.”
Deleting all the photos of self on phone to fully accept self as who she is now
If i keep trying to get back to who I was, I will miss out on who I am now. - disability visibility quote that this book reminds Mary of
Mental Time Travel - play the tape all the way through
Belief in a just world
Nagoski Garden metaphor - getting to choose what’s in your garden
June 30, 2025
I've dabbled in my fair share of books about life changes, and this one struck a deep and meaningful chord. I read an early version of Maya Shankar's "The Other Side of Change." It's a deeply authentic collection of real life stories lightly sprinkled with guidance from behavioral science.
What struck me most was the book's profound authenticity. Dr. Shankar writes not from a pedestal, but from the messy, complicated trenches of real life. She shares her own stumbles and moments of doubt with a vulnerability that is instantly relatable. There’s no promise of a "5-step plan to a perfect life." Instead, she offers a compassionate perspective that honors the slow, non-linear process of genuine transformation. It feels like a conversation with a wise, empathetic friend who happens to be an expert in her field.
The power of this book lies in its real stories. Instead of vague anecdotes, we get to know a handful of individuals from diverse backgrounds, each navigating a significant life change. We meet actual people: a student, a mother, a journalist. Their stories are not sanitized for effect; they are raw, honest, and deeply human. I saw pieces of my own struggles in their experiences, which made their eventual breakthroughs feel not just inspiring, but attainable. Dr. Shankar shows how small, almost imperceptible shifts in their mindset and habit led to profound and lasting change.
Finally, the touch of behavioral science is masterfully done. It's present enough to give the book a solid foundation of credibility, but it never feels like a textbook. Complex concepts are explained through the lens of the stories being told. Dr. Shankar seamlessly connects the "why" it works (the science) with the "how" it feels (the human experience). This approach made the principles stick with me in a way that dry, academic explanations never could.
The Other Side of Change is a must-read for anyone who is experiencing a big life transition. It's a beautiful, honest, and quietly powerful book that will stay with you long after you've turned the final page.
What struck me most was the book's profound authenticity. Dr. Shankar writes not from a pedestal, but from the messy, complicated trenches of real life. She shares her own stumbles and moments of doubt with a vulnerability that is instantly relatable. There’s no promise of a "5-step plan to a perfect life." Instead, she offers a compassionate perspective that honors the slow, non-linear process of genuine transformation. It feels like a conversation with a wise, empathetic friend who happens to be an expert in her field.
The power of this book lies in its real stories. Instead of vague anecdotes, we get to know a handful of individuals from diverse backgrounds, each navigating a significant life change. We meet actual people: a student, a mother, a journalist. Their stories are not sanitized for effect; they are raw, honest, and deeply human. I saw pieces of my own struggles in their experiences, which made their eventual breakthroughs feel not just inspiring, but attainable. Dr. Shankar shows how small, almost imperceptible shifts in their mindset and habit led to profound and lasting change.
Finally, the touch of behavioral science is masterfully done. It's present enough to give the book a solid foundation of credibility, but it never feels like a textbook. Complex concepts are explained through the lens of the stories being told. Dr. Shankar seamlessly connects the "why" it works (the science) with the "how" it feels (the human experience). This approach made the principles stick with me in a way that dry, academic explanations never could.
The Other Side of Change is a must-read for anyone who is experiencing a big life transition. It's a beautiful, honest, and quietly powerful book that will stay with you long after you've turned the final page.
July 26, 2025
The Other Side of Change is a poignant read. Dr. Shankar uses cognitive science to illuminate the human capacity for change in response to hardship. Each chapter centers a few individuals’ journeys, told with vulnerable and searing candor. Those familiar with Dr. Shankar’s podcast “A Slight Change of Plans” will be unsurprised by her ability to choose compelling subjects and earn their trust and stories.
Dr. Shankar’s prose and her subjects’ reflections benefit from their powerful simplicity. For example, Chapter 1 charts Olivia’s life from alienation among elite undergraduate peers to profound loneliness after a debilitating diagnosis. In one searing vignette, when a wealthy boyfriend’s family visits her at the hospital, we understand how elegance and grace are harder to prioritize when suffering from facial paralysis and relying on a tracheotomy tube. Similarly in Chapter 3, we bear witness to Dwayne Betts’s multiple identities amidst a decade-long incarceration and eventual pursuits in law and poetry. Betts admires the generosity, discipline, and poise of a peer serving time alongside him, an example of what Dr. Shankar describes as moral elevation.
While many chapters profile the exceptional, all offer relatable facets. This isn’t a traditional self-help book. Rather, The Other Side of Change is a thought-provoking compilation of lives lived with lessons that are more nestled than buried.
In sum, the book is a layered read, tying together the beauty of human adaptation with the science of human behavior. And stylistically, it’s a delight. I found myself taking small breaks to ruminate over sentences and even phrases. Throughout, I remained compelled by Dr. Shankar’s ability to connect human narratives into a masterful meditation on humanity’s ability to redefine travails as triumphs.
Dr. Shankar’s prose and her subjects’ reflections benefit from their powerful simplicity. For example, Chapter 1 charts Olivia’s life from alienation among elite undergraduate peers to profound loneliness after a debilitating diagnosis. In one searing vignette, when a wealthy boyfriend’s family visits her at the hospital, we understand how elegance and grace are harder to prioritize when suffering from facial paralysis and relying on a tracheotomy tube. Similarly in Chapter 3, we bear witness to Dwayne Betts’s multiple identities amidst a decade-long incarceration and eventual pursuits in law and poetry. Betts admires the generosity, discipline, and poise of a peer serving time alongside him, an example of what Dr. Shankar describes as moral elevation.
While many chapters profile the exceptional, all offer relatable facets. This isn’t a traditional self-help book. Rather, The Other Side of Change is a thought-provoking compilation of lives lived with lessons that are more nestled than buried.
In sum, the book is a layered read, tying together the beauty of human adaptation with the science of human behavior. And stylistically, it’s a delight. I found myself taking small breaks to ruminate over sentences and even phrases. Throughout, I remained compelled by Dr. Shankar’s ability to connect human narratives into a masterful meditation on humanity’s ability to redefine travails as triumphs.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I came to this book as a regular listener of Maya Shankar’s podcast, which I have consistently found moving, thoughtful, and insightful. The conversations she hosts often linger with me long after the episode ends. This led me to pick up The Other Side of Change, curious to see how her voice translated from audio to the written page. I am so attuned to her podcasts that I read the entire book in Maya's soothing voice.
At its core, The Other Side of Change asks a deceptively simple question: who do we become when life makes other plans? Each chapter centers on a person navigating change. These aren’t just anecdotes, but honest, often raw, and relatable. She draws from interviews and lived experiences like illness, incarceration, career derailments, personal loss to illustrate how people cope with changes.
Through these lives, Maya explores both the pain and possibility that come with deep change. Maya's background in cognitive science gives her perspective real weight. Rather than feeling like a self-help, Maya provides science backed approach to not just accept the change, but also to navigate it and overcome it. You won’t find a rigid “five-step plan,” but you will find tools and questions that help navigate the plan.
That said, there were moments where the book felt too personal for my taste. While vulnerability is clearly part of Maya's intent, some passages go into what feels like unnecessary detail. The same insights could have been conveyed without quite so much TMI, allowing the reader more space to reflect rather than observe.
The Other Side of Change is a reflective, well-researched exploration of how people adapt when life veers off course. It is a good blend of science and storytelling.
At its core, The Other Side of Change asks a deceptively simple question: who do we become when life makes other plans? Each chapter centers on a person navigating change. These aren’t just anecdotes, but honest, often raw, and relatable. She draws from interviews and lived experiences like illness, incarceration, career derailments, personal loss to illustrate how people cope with changes.
Change doesn’t just alter our circumstances; it alters how we see ourselves within them.
Through these lives, Maya explores both the pain and possibility that come with deep change. Maya's background in cognitive science gives her perspective real weight. Rather than feeling like a self-help, Maya provides science backed approach to not just accept the change, but also to navigate it and overcome it. You won’t find a rigid “five-step plan,” but you will find tools and questions that help navigate the plan.
That said, there were moments where the book felt too personal for my taste. While vulnerability is clearly part of Maya's intent, some passages go into what feels like unnecessary detail. The same insights could have been conveyed without quite so much TMI, allowing the reader more space to reflect rather than observe.
The Other Side of Change is a reflective, well-researched exploration of how people adapt when life veers off course. It is a good blend of science and storytelling.
February 2, 2026
Before I begin, I must confess I am rarely impressed by non-fiction psychology books. There really is nothing new under the sun in this genre. And I say this as a psychologist who writes books.
But against the odds, this book won me over.
But let me back up a bit and explain why I was reading this in the first place.
6 weeks ago or so, I was visiting Vietnam, a place I go quite frequently. You are literally taking your life into your hands crossing the street there. If you know, you know. 30 people a DAY die in scooter-related accidents there.
And I was almost one of them.
All of a sudden the mobile, bouncy me was gone. No more Pickleball and Golf and everything else I normally do in a New Zealand summer.
Nope. It's been ice baths and saunas and compression devices ever since. The plus side is, I've read a metric shitton of books while I'm sitting there like that.
And yesterday, as I was reading this, the guy at the counter ay my rehab studio said, "you know, you might not see it yet, but maybe something good can come of this."
And suddenly I remembered an old line I used to love from John Lennon,
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
And that's what this book is about. It uses good examples, cites good references, and, miraculously for a psych book, does all this succinctly.
I didn't think it could be done, I usually give these books three stars because they make their salient points and then repeat them for a couple hundred more pages. It's incredibly tedious.
But this book actually quits while it's ahead.
Very well done, and, in my semi-disabled current condition, exactly what I needed to read write now. This wasn't the "possible self" I imagined for myself this summer.
But this book gave me some hope that an ever better self can still emerge.
But against the odds, this book won me over.
But let me back up a bit and explain why I was reading this in the first place.
6 weeks ago or so, I was visiting Vietnam, a place I go quite frequently. You are literally taking your life into your hands crossing the street there. If you know, you know. 30 people a DAY die in scooter-related accidents there.
And I was almost one of them.
All of a sudden the mobile, bouncy me was gone. No more Pickleball and Golf and everything else I normally do in a New Zealand summer.
Nope. It's been ice baths and saunas and compression devices ever since. The plus side is, I've read a metric shitton of books while I'm sitting there like that.
And yesterday, as I was reading this, the guy at the counter ay my rehab studio said, "you know, you might not see it yet, but maybe something good can come of this."
And suddenly I remembered an old line I used to love from John Lennon,
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
And that's what this book is about. It uses good examples, cites good references, and, miraculously for a psych book, does all this succinctly.
I didn't think it could be done, I usually give these books three stars because they make their salient points and then repeat them for a couple hundred more pages. It's incredibly tedious.
But this book actually quits while it's ahead.
Very well done, and, in my semi-disabled current condition, exactly what I needed to read write now. This wasn't the "possible self" I imagined for myself this summer.
But this book gave me some hope that an ever better self can still emerge.
February 16, 2026
Maya Shankar’s The Other Side of Change is a true page-turner—part intimate memoir, part accessible social psychology guide for anyone navigating uncertainty, loss, or unexpected turns in life.
What makes this book so compelling is the way Shankar weaves research with deeply human stories, including her own. She takes complex psychological concepts and translates them into clear, relatable examples that make the science feel immediately usable.
One line that stayed with me:
“When change upends our lives, our first response may be to adopt a narrow view of our situation—whether by denying its reality, foreclosing on possible selves, or ruminating.”
I especially appreciated her discussion of attachment styles and the hopeful reminder that they’re not fixed:
“Positive experiences—with people who are reliable, and who make you feel comfortable and safe—can push you toward secure ones.”
Her reflections on shame and self-compassion are equally powerful, including the idea that self-compassion can actually reduce irrational beliefs. And her practical advice to “think about your thinking” and treat beliefs as hypotheses invites a more curious, flexible way of moving through the world.
Shankar’s message is both grounding and liberating: we can’t predict the future or how we’ll feel on the other side of change—but curiosity and openness can transform us in unexpected ways. It’s a theme that deeply resonates with my own journey in Sun Shining on Morning Snow.
This is a thoughtful, generous, and highly readable book for anyone facing life’s detours.
What makes this book so compelling is the way Shankar weaves research with deeply human stories, including her own. She takes complex psychological concepts and translates them into clear, relatable examples that make the science feel immediately usable.
One line that stayed with me:
“When change upends our lives, our first response may be to adopt a narrow view of our situation—whether by denying its reality, foreclosing on possible selves, or ruminating.”
I especially appreciated her discussion of attachment styles and the hopeful reminder that they’re not fixed:
“Positive experiences—with people who are reliable, and who make you feel comfortable and safe—can push you toward secure ones.”
Her reflections on shame and self-compassion are equally powerful, including the idea that self-compassion can actually reduce irrational beliefs. And her practical advice to “think about your thinking” and treat beliefs as hypotheses invites a more curious, flexible way of moving through the world.
Shankar’s message is both grounding and liberating: we can’t predict the future or how we’ll feel on the other side of change—but curiosity and openness can transform us in unexpected ways. It’s a theme that deeply resonates with my own journey in Sun Shining on Morning Snow.
This is a thoughtful, generous, and highly readable book for anyone facing life’s detours.
July 1, 2025
Profound insight delivered in a profoundly human way.
Too many concept-driven nonfiction books cover one idea that could have been much more effectively conveyed in a more succinct format. This work is rare: it is dramatically more effective (in addition to being more enjoyable) for being a book. Shankar, who is brilliant and empathetic, understands the power of narrative in driving understanding and impact, and she uses it for our benefit. The stories of change and meaning, including the author’s own (yes, behind the scenes personal detail from your favorite behavioral scientist’s favorite behavioral scientist), are shared with great generosity and grace. These are very big, very real, very deep, very human stories.
This isn’t a quick hit book that you’ll read once and forget. These stories stay with you. They’ll change you the first time you read them, and I expect that they’ll keep bolstering and enriching your life when you pick this up again and again through different phases and seasons of life.
After reading this book, you don’t just know more. (You do, for the record, know more, though.) You come away from this book wiser. You come away with greater empathetic connection and a greater capability to confront, navigate, and truly grow through change. I have more gratitude and more optimism for my own life and for humanity writ large.
I’m thankful to have read an advance copy; I have now preordered copies as gifts!
Too many concept-driven nonfiction books cover one idea that could have been much more effectively conveyed in a more succinct format. This work is rare: it is dramatically more effective (in addition to being more enjoyable) for being a book. Shankar, who is brilliant and empathetic, understands the power of narrative in driving understanding and impact, and she uses it for our benefit. The stories of change and meaning, including the author’s own (yes, behind the scenes personal detail from your favorite behavioral scientist’s favorite behavioral scientist), are shared with great generosity and grace. These are very big, very real, very deep, very human stories.
This isn’t a quick hit book that you’ll read once and forget. These stories stay with you. They’ll change you the first time you read them, and I expect that they’ll keep bolstering and enriching your life when you pick this up again and again through different phases and seasons of life.
After reading this book, you don’t just know more. (You do, for the record, know more, though.) You come away from this book wiser. You come away with greater empathetic connection and a greater capability to confront, navigate, and truly grow through change. I have more gratitude and more optimism for my own life and for humanity writ large.
I’m thankful to have read an advance copy; I have now preordered copies as gifts!
July 12, 2025
If you’ve ever faced a moment when life didn’t go according to plan (and who hasn’t?), this book will feel like a conversation with a really smart, kind friend. It doesn’t offer easy answers, but it gives you the tools to ask better questions—and to see change not just as loss, but as transformation.
As a longtime fan of Maya Shankar’s podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, I was thrilled to get an advance copy of her book The Other Side of Change. Through gripping true stories, the book provides a thoughtful exploration of how people often grow through unexpected turns in life. Drawing from her background in cognitive science, Maya brings together deeply personal narratives and practical insights in a way that feels both intimate and universal. Each story—whether it’s a college student facing a medical crisis, a man navigating life after prison, or a woman uncovering a family secret—shows how identity can evolve when our plans fall apart.
What makes this book stand out is how seamlessly it blends emotional depth with science. Shankar doesn’t just tell moving stories—she uses them to show how our brains respond to change, and how we can reframe disruption as a chance to reimagine ourselves. The result is a book that’s as comforting as it is illuminating, full of quiet wisdom that stays with you long after you’ve finished.
As a longtime fan of Maya Shankar’s podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, I was thrilled to get an advance copy of her book The Other Side of Change. Through gripping true stories, the book provides a thoughtful exploration of how people often grow through unexpected turns in life. Drawing from her background in cognitive science, Maya brings together deeply personal narratives and practical insights in a way that feels both intimate and universal. Each story—whether it’s a college student facing a medical crisis, a man navigating life after prison, or a woman uncovering a family secret—shows how identity can evolve when our plans fall apart.
What makes this book stand out is how seamlessly it blends emotional depth with science. Shankar doesn’t just tell moving stories—she uses them to show how our brains respond to change, and how we can reframe disruption as a chance to reimagine ourselves. The result is a book that’s as comforting as it is illuminating, full of quiet wisdom that stays with you long after you’ve finished.
January 27, 2026
What I appreciated most about Maya’s book is the format. I bought it after hearing her give a talk, and while I was expecting a guide on how to survive difficult transitions, I walked away with something much deeper: a brand-new perspective on what it means to evolve.
What makes Dr. Maya Shankar’s writing so special is the way she weaves three very different threads into one cohesive journey. She balances the raw, moving stories of those she’s interviewed with her own brave and vulnerable reflections on her life’s unexpected turns. Then, she grounds it all in fascinating scientific research that explains why these shifts feel so monumental to our brains.
For me, the most impactful part was how the book reframed the concept of "change." It didn't just dwell on the pain or the friction of life falling apart; it focused on the new hope that emerges on the other side. It helped me stop looking at change as something that "happens to me" and start seeing it as a process of becoming someone new.
Whether you are currently in the middle of a major transition or just want to look at life through a different lens, get this book. It is an easy, engaging read that feels like a warm conversation with a brilliant friend—one who reminds you that even when life makes other plans, there is a beautiful "other side" waiting to be discovered.
What makes Dr. Maya Shankar’s writing so special is the way she weaves three very different threads into one cohesive journey. She balances the raw, moving stories of those she’s interviewed with her own brave and vulnerable reflections on her life’s unexpected turns. Then, she grounds it all in fascinating scientific research that explains why these shifts feel so monumental to our brains.
For me, the most impactful part was how the book reframed the concept of "change." It didn't just dwell on the pain or the friction of life falling apart; it focused on the new hope that emerges on the other side. It helped me stop looking at change as something that "happens to me" and start seeing it as a process of becoming someone new.
Whether you are currently in the middle of a major transition or just want to look at life through a different lens, get this book. It is an easy, engaging read that feels like a warm conversation with a brilliant friend—one who reminds you that even when life makes other plans, there is a beautiful "other side" waiting to be discovered.
February 4, 2026
"In contemplating the possibility, I no longer felt like my identity was under threat or that my life would be sapped of all its color and meaning. I still felt intact."
There are so many external circumstances that I have staked an identify in over the years. When I left Christianity, it felt like my soul severed from my body and sank to the bottom of an endless abyss. Or the years I spent trying to have a kid with no success. I was a failure as a woman, because I had wrapped my identity in the idea of being a mother. A failed marriage robbed me of another identity. An injury that prevented me from the athletics that I had used as a source of prideful security. This book attests to the universal experience that we all go through as humans when hard things that are out of our control sweep over our lives and take away crucial parts of who we think we are.
"When a change happens, it can be an opportunity to plant something new or to pull a few weeds".
I've already been on this journey of being firmly grounded in the internal things that I will always have control over. My character, my habits, my mindset, the finiteness of life and the comfort that this brings me. This book was just another step of reaffirming a lot of what I've been discovering. It is full of a lot of heartbreaking stories and new perspectives. I'm so glad that I was able to read this one.
There are so many external circumstances that I have staked an identify in over the years. When I left Christianity, it felt like my soul severed from my body and sank to the bottom of an endless abyss. Or the years I spent trying to have a kid with no success. I was a failure as a woman, because I had wrapped my identity in the idea of being a mother. A failed marriage robbed me of another identity. An injury that prevented me from the athletics that I had used as a source of prideful security. This book attests to the universal experience that we all go through as humans when hard things that are out of our control sweep over our lives and take away crucial parts of who we think we are.
"When a change happens, it can be an opportunity to plant something new or to pull a few weeds".
I've already been on this journey of being firmly grounded in the internal things that I will always have control over. My character, my habits, my mindset, the finiteness of life and the comfort that this brings me. This book was just another step of reaffirming a lot of what I've been discovering. It is full of a lot of heartbreaking stories and new perspectives. I'm so glad that I was able to read this one.
July 2, 2025
The Other Side of Change is a deeply moving read. What truly resonated with me were the personal connections Dr. Shankar weaves throughout. The way she writes about the people she met is bringing their stories to life in a way that feels incredibly intimate and real. You will find something that speaks to your own experiences and feelings in each of them. Her own personal experiences and the stories she shares are effortlessly intertwined with these narratives, what makes the book really unique.
And the book does not end here, it provides a framework for understanding and navigating change in my own life, thanks to how seamlessly Dr. Shankar connects these personal experiences with scientific insights. It helped me make sense of complex emotions and transitions in a way I hadn't before. Full disclosure, as a behavioral scientist myself I have read a lot about the science of change and nothing stuck with me as much and had an actual impact on my life like Dr. Shankar's writing.
If there's one thing I'll carry from this book, it's her unique and empathetic approach to change. You might cry :) and you will come out with a positivity after reading that makes this book a truly a must-read for everyone.
And the book does not end here, it provides a framework for understanding and navigating change in my own life, thanks to how seamlessly Dr. Shankar connects these personal experiences with scientific insights. It helped me make sense of complex emotions and transitions in a way I hadn't before. Full disclosure, as a behavioral scientist myself I have read a lot about the science of change and nothing stuck with me as much and had an actual impact on my life like Dr. Shankar's writing.
If there's one thing I'll carry from this book, it's her unique and empathetic approach to change. You might cry :) and you will come out with a positivity after reading that makes this book a truly a must-read for everyone.
January 30, 2026
I’ve been listening to Maya Shankar’s podcast for the last few years, and when I heard about her new book, I knew I needed to get my hands on the audiobook as there is something about her actual physical voice I love listening to.
Just like in her podcast, Shankar uses actual human stories to illustrate the multitude of ways that we react to change, and from these stories, she provides us with life advice and lessons. Although I’m not a huge fan of self-help as a genre, she keeps the suggestions concise and deeply intertwined to the stories she tells.
And those stories– from a young woman who suffers from a stroke in her brain stem and is unable to move or speak to a news anchor who makes a significant mistake on-air during a panic attack to a mother who has lived her life in a closed off fashion and is terrified of loving her terminally ill child, I found myself completely immersed in each and every one of their lives. This book is short so it was very easy for me to convince myself to go through “just one more chapter”
Most likely, this would have been a 5 star read for me, but for someone who has listened regularly to the podcast, some of the stories she told from her personal life were just a little repetitive.
Just like in her podcast, Shankar uses actual human stories to illustrate the multitude of ways that we react to change, and from these stories, she provides us with life advice and lessons. Although I’m not a huge fan of self-help as a genre, she keeps the suggestions concise and deeply intertwined to the stories she tells.
And those stories– from a young woman who suffers from a stroke in her brain stem and is unable to move or speak to a news anchor who makes a significant mistake on-air during a panic attack to a mother who has lived her life in a closed off fashion and is terrified of loving her terminally ill child, I found myself completely immersed in each and every one of their lives. This book is short so it was very easy for me to convince myself to go through “just one more chapter”
Most likely, this would have been a 5 star read for me, but for someone who has listened regularly to the podcast, some of the stories she told from her personal life were just a little repetitive.
July 2, 2025
The Other Side of Change is both profoundly moving and incredibly practical. As a cognitive scientist, Dr. Shankar seamlessly blends compelling human narratives with the science of how we process disruption, creating a work that is truly unique and insightful. I received an advance copy of her book and I was particularly struck by the power of the personal stories—they are not simple anecdotes, but deep explorations of real people navigating extraordinary circumstances.
I believe where this book truly shines is in its ability to connect these diverse stories to the principles of behavioural science. Dr. Shankar doesn't just tell you that people can find meaning in hardship; she explains why and how the mind can adapt, reframe, and grow. This approach makes the insights feel earned and provides a perspective on change that people wouldn't often consider.
It's an authentic, beautifully written book that avoids easy answers in favour of genuine wisdom. I came away with a tangible sense of hope and a deeper understanding of human resilience. I cannot recommend her book highly enough.
I believe where this book truly shines is in its ability to connect these diverse stories to the principles of behavioural science. Dr. Shankar doesn't just tell you that people can find meaning in hardship; she explains why and how the mind can adapt, reframe, and grow. This approach makes the insights feel earned and provides a perspective on change that people wouldn't often consider.
It's an authentic, beautifully written book that avoids easy answers in favour of genuine wisdom. I came away with a tangible sense of hope and a deeper understanding of human resilience. I cannot recommend her book highly enough.
August 20, 2025
Maya’s The Other Side of Change is a great read! I found it to be a thoughtful, deep exploration of what happens when life takes us somewhere we never expected to go. Drawing on her background as a cognitive scientist, she weaves together personal stories of people facing major shifts with the latest research in neuroscience and psychology. The book is grounded in science and profoundly compassionate.
One of the book’s great strengths is Maya’s ability to bridge the gap between research and lived experience. She explains complex ideas - about resilience, adaptation, and how the brain navigates uncertainty - with clarity, and then shows how those principles play out in the lives of real people. That combination of scientific precision and narrative empathy makes the book not just informative but moving.
Among the many stories, Maya’s own journey stands out and was the most powerful (in my humble opinion!). It’s the kind of honesty that elevates the book from an exploration of other people’s lives to a personal reckoning with change itself.
I am so glad I was able to receive an advance copy and have preordered many for family and friends!
One of the book’s great strengths is Maya’s ability to bridge the gap between research and lived experience. She explains complex ideas - about resilience, adaptation, and how the brain navigates uncertainty - with clarity, and then shows how those principles play out in the lives of real people. That combination of scientific precision and narrative empathy makes the book not just informative but moving.
Among the many stories, Maya’s own journey stands out and was the most powerful (in my humble opinion!). It’s the kind of honesty that elevates the book from an exploration of other people’s lives to a personal reckoning with change itself.
I am so glad I was able to receive an advance copy and have preordered many for family and friends!
January 18, 2026
The Other Side Of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans is phenomenal, insightful, moving, thought-provoking, and gripping. I could not put this book down and my relatability to its powerful message was high. This needed book encourages the reader to change their perspective on change because we are always learning, growing, experiencing, and changing....but the most powerful changes are the ones that occur within us. Personally, I struggled to grapple with being bedridden at 19, my diagnosis, and some of the lifelong losses I could never reclaim even after being healed. Yet, this was truly a time that refined who I am. I am greatful for this period of my life and the lessons it taught me despite the grief. This book has the potential to positively prepare people for the worst changes, offer then light in the middle of a dark time, and enhance their appreciation/reach new levels of growth through reflection on hard times. It is truly a beautiful and very needed book. The perfect blend of storytelling and scientific fact!
July 19, 2025
I got to read an early copy of this book and was captivated by its profiles of people who faced life-altering changes and how they responded.
As an example, Olivia was a college senior who had a stroke that left her with locked-in syndrome. She was initially unable "to voluntarily move, speak, make facial expressions, chew, or swallow." Her experience is harrowing but also inspiring, full of setbacks and perseverance, hard-earned wisdom and unexpected joys. (Are physical therapists the world's unsung heroes?)
Each portrait brings out new dimensions, whether it's in the numerous turns a life can take, the stories we tell, or how our responses to an event can shift over years. The book transports us into the specifics of these lives but also draws connections to broader principles, for example the way that "each of us has an identity that is contingent."
The book culminates with the author's own openhearted, deeply moving story, a mixture of highs and lows that (like the whole book) captures the realness of change.
As an example, Olivia was a college senior who had a stroke that left her with locked-in syndrome. She was initially unable "to voluntarily move, speak, make facial expressions, chew, or swallow." Her experience is harrowing but also inspiring, full of setbacks and perseverance, hard-earned wisdom and unexpected joys. (Are physical therapists the world's unsung heroes?)
Each portrait brings out new dimensions, whether it's in the numerous turns a life can take, the stories we tell, or how our responses to an event can shift over years. The book transports us into the specifics of these lives but also draws connections to broader principles, for example the way that "each of us has an identity that is contingent."
The book culminates with the author's own openhearted, deeply moving story, a mixture of highs and lows that (like the whole book) captures the realness of change.
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