Though it is unfashionable to speak of wives who act wickedly, the Scriptures have much to say.
The “reviling wife” is the woman who weaponizes words to bitterly control. She refuses even the simplest forms of submission to her husband. She is rebellious, recalcitrant, cruel, unforgiving, and unrepentant. Her husband, to the contrary, is often kind, gentle, humble—and loves not only his children but his wife as well.
To make matters worse, the couple’s pastors and counselors, even from the most conservative theological backgrounds, act as “white knights”—rushing to defend the wife in her obvious sin. Discipled by the default programming of feminism in our day, these men are too afraid to either confront the wife or hold her accountable. The consequences are tragic. Not only is the marriage destroyed, but the children are decimated. The wife turns them against their father, permanently severing relationships in the process. The husband often never hears from his children ever again, enduring a grief worse than death.
In this thoroughly biblical examination, Dr. Edgington surgically addresses this marital epidemic that has plagued not only our society but even the church. In White Knights & Reviling Wives, you won’t find empty platitudes. Instead, you’ll find practical solutions grounded in the Word of God that chart a path from manipulation and bitterness to repentance and restoration.
I agree with the main premise of this book— the reviling wife is a reality per the proverbs. I also agree that the feminist culture we live in has elevated women to god status, making them sinless, always right.
Women sin and in certain ways. Men sin and in certain ways. They both need to be held accountable for their sins. In a typical marriage counseling session, the temptation is the only believe the women, every single time, no matter what. This has created a great many tragedies for both marriages and children.
The authors view on joint counseling, and holding to a biblical view of the household was solid.
Some things I didn’t appreciate were his comments that complementarianism is “feminism lite” when the main source he used was Piper and Grudems book in the subject. He argues for patriarchy, which is fine, except that biblical complementarianism and biblical patriarchy are the same thing. As Colin Smothers calls it “patriarchal complementarianism.”
Also, the material is scattered and often disjointed. He is very repetitive and could have shortened the book. Some of his examples were pretty weak. Sometimes it seemed like he was arguing for an unbiblical divorce, which was probably due to being unclear.
This was so good, so prudent, so timely, so necessary.
Edgington writes about something that is going on right in front of our very faces and we just ignore it, or even worse, we applaud it.
Husbands are to be the head of the house. Wives are to submit. Full stop.
It's scary to read this book and see how far these problems can (and have gone). Men and women, husbands and wives, pastors and laypeople need to be reading this and thinking about this.
He is incredibly blunt and brutal. I can completely understand how someone would give up after the first chapter because of his tone. He is no-nonsense, straightforward, in your face about the problems he sees in wives. Don't just hand this to anybody to read because it will offend most people.
It did lack a good editor, as seen in typos and excess footnotes, but the topic is important and engaging enough to ignore those.
I also take issue with some of his theology, but again, this doesn't detract from the point of his book and how he got to the point. It's easy to spot his incorrect theology and move past it without losing any of the truth in this book.
If this book could be summed up in one exhortation, it might be this: Wives, submit your feelings to the Word of God, and husbands, lead your families according to the Word of God and not the emotions of your wife. Such a reminder all would do well to heed.
Modern evangelicalism, chasing headlong after the world, has convinced many women that they are functional goddesses. That is, many women believe that they do not sin in their marriages and other relationships, and all simply because their pastors have never told them otherwise. But women are not immune to sin, and today it is the particularly "feminine sins" (gossip, slander, duplicitousness, holding grudges, emotional manipulation and weaponizing weakness) that are ruining more marriages and families than perhaps anything else. This book is a clarion call to name the phenomenon-which-must-not-be-named in the Church, that of the Reviling Wife, and it is virtually the only book on the subject... for now. May God use this work to begin the conversation that could save countless marriages, if men but had the courage to speak it.
I really did appreciate what Edgington discussed in this book. in many places I was reminded of previous family experiences and my views of them, especially growing up.
As someone from a different theological tradition, I disagreed with some of his phrasing, but ultimately, it just took getting past that. What lost me in many places was the clear need for more editing. Simple things bothered me. Not every mention of something brought up in previous chapters needs a parenthetical citation. nor does there need to be a parenthetical citation for everything coming up. Early in chapter six he encouraged readers to read the subtitle of the book. he either meant chapter or made a mistake about the book not having a subtle.
I'm not just trying to nitpick, but these mistakes made it harder to take the work seriously. perhaps this is because NCP is a new publishing house, or perhaps this is because of the author. When handling such a subject, I would have hoped better attention would be paid.
Finally, I'd say the book is worth a read for reflection and good conversation. it's clearly not meant to be handed to someone you might consider a "reviling wife", but perhaps it could be.
Anytime I have conversations with people about marital roles: husband leading and wife submitting, so often I hear people emphasize how the husband should be careful not to abuse his wife physically or emotionally. There are always guard rails on the man’s side, but David Edgington was the first person I have heard that has ever talked about the reality of the reviling wife. I am newly married (to a non-reviling woman) and this book has been very helpful to identify potential seeds of sin in my wife, and practical ways I, as a husband, can instruct her to be the wife who truly is a crown on my head.
This book was in many ways not what I expected when I picked it up, but it was a very beneficial read for me. As a young woman hoping to become a wife and mother in the near future, Dr. Edgington’s caution to women and to men and straight forward, unashamed language was helpful to me in understanding more fully the harm that any woman is capable of doing to her husband. I must be on my guard, even now, to avoid at all costs any reviling tendencies and to cultivate a submissive heart in myself.
The elephant in the counseling room has finally been acknowledged. I urge pastors, counselors, and Christian couples to consider what David Edgington has to say.
Incredibly thankful for Pastor Edgington. 4.5 stars as I found his first book on the topic even more helpful. The first book laid more of the groundwork of what the issue is and how to begin counseling such situations. The basics of faithful counseling was great in and of itself. This newer volume is still very well done, and the clarifications on biblical patriarchy and the cowardice of pastors and counselors was a helpful warning.
The premise of the book was simple…. “You don’t hate feminism enough.” Dr. Edgington is a biblical counselor with a rare quality. He is of the controversial belief that not only do women sin, but there are even particular sins that women are especially prone to. Sins such as gossip, spitefulness, obstinance, and of course… reviling.
As Brian Suavé stated in the introduction, we all know the reviling wife. She’s the old grandmother who everyone knows to tactfully, the one whose husband hides out in his garage and buries himself in his hobbies to avoid her. Or perhaps it’s the wife who can turn a family gathering into an all-family fight with her venomous tongue.
Apparently, Dr. Edgington acknowledges the existence of not only Proverbs 31 woman (as all of us do) but also the Proverbs 21 woman. The one who makes her husband take up lodging in the corner of his rooftop, or go on a solo journey out into a desert land.
This alone is enough to make most write off the book entirely. Feminism has so consumed even conservative, evangelical thinking that the above is cultural blasphemy. Although, any honest Bible student can’t deny that these are all categories of women, and sins that woman are particularly prone to. This is stated clearly in both Old and New Testament… “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5)
For someone like me, who has a lovely wife, who cherishes and thrives in her God-ordained role as my help meet, this book was a ride of watching multiple categories of my own thoughts collide. First, there was my personal reality, so many of the truths described in this book were so foreign to my everyday experience, that it was hard to believe them at times. Second, there was my intellectual understanding that, a reviling wife (woman folly who tears down her house with her own hands) is a biblical category and not mere hypothetical. Then lastly, the third category, resigned deep to the corners of my mind that the book brought to life as it described the behaviors, tactics and strategies of the reviling wife was my own personal knowledge of just how widespread this problem truly is.
“Oh yeah, I did go to a school with a guy who’s Mom lied about his father to alienate his children from him.” …. “Oh yeah, I do have a friend whose wife is completely obstinate to any of his efforts to lead his family…” “That’s right… I do know of husbands who have been accused of making their wife ‘feel unsafe’ on no basis of their actions whatsoever.” And of course… “My husband doesn’t listen to me.” Which properly translates to, “my husband doesn’t always agree with me, and let me lead the family as I see fit.”
I’m walking away from this book feeling much more confident to counsel brothers around me who are fighting this battle everyday. We don’t hate feminism enough.
This is an excellent resource for pastors, and an even better guide for husbands in a marriage with a reviling wife, which is an unfortunate pandemic in our churches these days that goes pointedly unaddressed (because it is a culturally taboo subject). The old saying holds true, "If you want to find out who rules over you, just observe who you are not allowed to criticize," and many pastors are terrified of what the women in their church would do to both them and the church if they taught any of what Edgington presents here.
Thus, most churches are not holding women (well over half the congregation in most churches!) accountable for their sins in either preaching or pastoral counseling, and these unchecked sins are metastasizing into a terminal hardness of heart that destroys their husbands, their children, their families, and their lives (they are burning their homes down with their own hands), all while their pastors are trained to either not see it or lay the blame on their husbands for it. Men who are often humbly trying to lead biblically in a culture that says male leadership itself is oppression.
Edgington does a wonderful job of addressing the disease and the assumptions of the underlying worldview. He then gives solid, practical counsel with many real-life examples from his own decades of experience for both training pastors and encouraging husbands stuck in this mess.
One star off due to the theological groundwork chapter at the beginning which was a bit half-baked by my reckoning (and I fully agree with all his conclusions!). Someone who is not already either convinced of Biblical patriarchy (or just needing a little push) will certainly find it both lacking in substance and high on assertions.
He does reference books in the footnotes that make the case better than he does ("Masculine Christianity" by Zachary Garris for scholarly exegetical/expositional theology; "It's Good to Be a Man" by Tennant and Foster for a more layman's approach), and I find myself wishing that he would have just stated his theological convictions in the introduction, pointed people in the direction of these wonderful resources, and then began with describing the near ubiquitous plague of the reviling wife in society and the church today, instead of doing an insubstantial one-chapter fly-by.
Despite this shortcoming, the importance of books like this can hardly be overstated. Not going to sugarcoat it, the danger of marrying a future reviling wife today is rather high, and her being a "good Christian girl"(tm) sadly offers little to no protection from this blight, the Christian world being saturated as it is with Critical Gender Theory, feminism, egalitarianism, (genderless) gnosticism, and spineless pastors.
Okay this book is CRAZY!!! I read it cause I was purely curious about what books New Christendom Press was publishing (since I like the BrightHearth podcast).
I have soooo many thoughts... for those interested in hearing from a Reformed Baptist Pastor's Wife and Mom of 5 who LOVES reading/listening to teaching on Biblical womanhood and godly submission in marriage.
1) I was shocked, deeply saddened, and even personally convicted by much of what the author shared in this book. The idea that women can and often are far more abusive to their husbands SHOULD be discussed in the church.
Women should be held accountable for their sins in the marriage and some "Christian" women truly are absolutely horrific wives. I have known some of them and counseled them extensively as a pastor's wife. So the fact that a book is being written on this topic is very good and much needed.
BUT this author is wild!! lol
2) I disliked much of this author's writing style (although I did push through to finish the book). He is constantly promoting himself, his books, and his opinions above all else, while making huge sweeping statements about the majority of other Christian pastors and counselors in America. It's very off-putting and is an ungodly attitude that prevents honest, good conversations on this topic.
3) The author promotes some minority extreme beliefs...
3A...He completely dismisses the idea that mental illness is real at all. He basically says mental health issues are either demonic or just completely made up. He also shares a false dichotomy of Christians struggling with suicidal tendencies as either seeking medication or "real Christian counseling". He says in his experience the ones that choose counseling over medication are usually doing better and are more mature Christians. Why can't it be both? Medication and counseling/being held accountable for sinful thinking don't need to be put in opposition to each other. ALL can be used by God to deliver Believers who are struggling.
3B... He extends the teaching from scripture that women should submit to their OWN husbands to women should submit to all men in society (except weirdly enough their own pastor). He says that godly women shouldn't be in authority over men in ANY sphere of society and talks very condescendingly about Christian women who believe/live otherwise. That is a huge overreach and it seems he is having an extreme overreaction to the very real wickedness of feminism going on in our society/culture now.
Conclusion... While I did not like the author's prideful and condescending tone at times (and I fundamentally disagreed with his EXTREME stances on some things), I am still very thankful to read a book on this topic.
It was further eye opening for me to read some of the stats/anecdotes and it did give helpful language for some of my own experiences with wicked “Christian” wives who consistently mistreat, dishonor, & disobey their husbands. That does happen in the Church and should be addressed by men & women alike.
Overall I would say, I liked about 50% of this book. The rest was pretty bad. I hope another mature godly man will take up writing a book on this topic. Someone with a different writing style will likely encourage greater conversation on this much needed topic.
Dr Edgington writes from a lot of experience. I appreciate that this book gets beyond the diagnostics (while it goes include that) and into the hope that can come with accountability for sin and then repentance.
He shows the dangers that come from not holding both men and women accountable for their own sins.
“Rather telling their emotions to “shut up, and salute Jesus,” many women allow them free rein and then blame the man for their unbridled emotions (fear, worry, anxiety, anger, bitterness, etc.). And then if a man calls her out on this, she complains that he is not being sensitive enough. This will not end well. This is yet another way [a reviling wife] is formed.”
He shows what the Bible teaches about sin, marriage, and the roles of men and women and warns against the prominent false teachers in the area of biblical counselling.
The book is mainly written to husbands and pastors/counsellors but I think women reading it can also get much wisdom from his counsel. We can take his warnings and steer clear of the path towards becoming a reviling woman. We can come humbly in submission and repentance.
This is likely one of the most relevant books for the church, especially pastors and elders to pick up and read. Then they need to take a good hard look in the mirror. While they’ve been sleeping on the job, pandering to pure emotion, and outsourcing biblical truth to worldly therapists, psychiatrists, and the like, an insidious evil has crept in. Fueled by the gospel of entitlement, and bolstered by self-righteous hubris, these church leaders are responsible for the destruction of families and children every single day. Dr. Edgington shines a clear light on the issues, and calls the church to repentance in a direct, biblical way. Highly recommend.
This was a great book! While I’m not the intended audience, I’m thankful for the warnings in it and how I can strive to make sure I don’t become a reviling wife. My own family has been torn apart by a reviling wife. Many of the stories in this book I have lived first hand.
Ladies, reject feminism. It only leads to your destruction.