Breaking Out of the "Man Box": The Next Generation of Manhood

by Tony Porter

An international TED Talk speaker, Tony Porter challenges manhood and male socialization, which he defines as the “man box.”

Tony Porter works closely with the NFL, the NBA, the MLB, the US military, colleges, universities, and numerous other organizations to prevent violence against women and girls by promoting healthy, respectful manhood. Now, in Breaking Out of the “Man Box” Porter’s message is directed at all men.

This book tackles the collective socialization of manhood and provides an in-depth look at the experiences of boys and men. In an effort to understand the many aspects of “what it means to be a man,” Porter suggests the topic is worthy of being rethought, challenged, and even redefined. This book will help men—fathers, husbands, brothers, coworkers, etc.—unpack and correct those realities.

Breaking Out of the “Man Box” boldly exposes the connection between male socialization and the quest to end violence against women and girls. Porter provides an honest and transformative experience, empowering men to create a world where men and boys are loving and respectful—and a human race where women and girls are valued and safe. On the heels of national movements and initiatives such as the NFL’s NoMore.org, this book provides men with the knowledge and understanding to explore how to create that world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Psychology, Sociology

176 pages, Hardcover

First published October 6, 2015

Reviews

[Elliott Beach · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is mostly read by women, and only women have publicly reviewed it as of yet, which is odd for a book subtitled "The Next Generation of Manhood". As a man, it sharply changed my perspective on gender issues, and made me aware of the harmful attitude towards women which men are socialized to feel from a young age.

I learned that the obsession with women's bodies in popular culture is degrading, that women in a relationship are still seen as the property of the man to a significant extent, and that men support and encourage violence against women when they hold sexist beliefs. All new information to me.

Given what a large shift in perspective this was, I now think every man should read a book on toxic masculinity, to learn the right way to think and feel towards women.

[Annie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good foundational book, but it never quite got there for me. I just wanted it to go further in breaking down toxic masculinity and not rely so much on the "think of your daughter" strategy.

[E-K · Rating 4 out of 5]

남자들은 태어날 때부터 남자다움을 강요당하고 가부장적 사고를 학습한다. 선량하고 착한 남성들 마저 그런 맨박스에 갇힌다. 남성인 저자는 그런 맨박스가 어떻게 남자들을 남성에 의한 여성에 대한 폭력을 무관심/침묵/방관하며 폭력에 일조하게 만드는지 자신의 경험과 다른 남성들의 사례를 들어 설명한다.

저자는 선한 남성들의 세가지 주요 사고방식이 의식적이든 무의식적이든 남성에 의한 여성에 대한 폭력이 일어나는 데에 중대한 영향을 준다고 주장한다: 1) 여성은 남성보다 열등한[예:연약한, 무능한] 존재다, 2) 여성[예:아내, 여자친구]은 남성[예:남편, 남자친구]의 소유물이다, 3) 여성을 성적인 대상으로서 인식한다.

저자는 남성에 의한 여성에 대한 폭력을 근절하기 위해서는 이를 여성 문제로 치부하지 않고 남성의 문제로 받아들이고 선한 남성들이 맨박스를 부수고 더이상 폭력을 침묵/방조하지 말아야 한다고 주장한다. 나아가 남자/여자 아이들의 사회적 정체성에 영향을 줄 수 있는 롤모델로서 늘 자신의 언행을 돌아보기를 강권한다.

[Vanessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't feel like there was enough evidence about the issues facing women to convince a man reading it without prior knowledge, but it would be good for a man who wanted to know how to make things better. The afterword by Ted Bunch was really good and I kind of wish he had been the one to write the book because he had more facts and figures to go with the anecdotes.

[H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for all men who want to make the world a better place! This is the book that I've been looking for. Women can say that patriarchy hurts men too and feminism is the tide that raises all ships, but until men are mentored by other men...the message falls on deaf ears. How do we thoroughly smash the patriarchy? By confronting the narrow definition of manhood that oppresses men and dehumanizes women. This short book has the power to open many eyes if it gets into the right hands. I hope it does.

[Crystal Tarrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's so much truth in this book that it's borderline ridiculous that a man has to tell it in order to convince other men it's true. Regardless, I love the fact that these men truly have a passion for ending violence against women and for supporting women's rights. Being proactive is the best strategy. There was a lot of care to make this book a quick, easy read with enough examples and reflective questions for adult learners. Even as a woman, I gained insight as to how I may be conditioned to condone man box thinking. This book is so good, I began recommending it before I completed it.

[sands · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear, concise and well-written. It's great seeing a lot of feminist theory applied in real-world situations by a man who is so accutely aware of his privilege and so willing to put that privilege to good use.

[Khayra Bundakji · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s heartbreaking how far behind the average man is from the conversation of men’s violence against women and how ignorant we have been raising boys to become. I really hope this becomes an outdated and silly book that everyone takes for granted.

For now, every man needs to surrender to the truths of these stories and ask themselves why they aren’t outraged by our society.

[Brian Saville Allard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is absolute base level “I have never once thought about the experiences of women” How-to-not-be-a-cretin 101.

And it does that…. Reasonably well.

Honestly, this could have been 50 pages shorter, but he gets kind of repetitive.

And I need to address this bit- this book is trying to teach men to step away from the patriarchy while still being SO steeped in stereotypes of what men are. Paraphrasing here - “most men participate in sports daily” - aren’t we beyond this type of thinking? The book rails against homophobia (good!) while absolutely ignoring that a significant portion of the male population is, in fact, Queer.

And I guess I thought we were beyond the problematic “think of the world you want for your daughters” type of thing. Surely SURELY that’s not the only “in” to men?

Mr Porter’s experiences are not my experiences, and that’s okay. I deeply value reading books from voices very different from my own. But it’s hard to connect to material that tries to teach a certain type of man to stop being toxic while simultaneously invalidating my own experience as a man.

[James Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would categorize this book as a starter book on the topic. This book covers the wicked areas of being a man, the beautiful aspects of it, and the action items that lead towards freedom for men. Porter writes this book in an easily digestible way stating facts, giving his opinion, and reviewing opinions of men he has worked with on the topic of masculinity. It’s honestly very comprehensive first read that does not bog you down with technical aspects and academic rhetoric like some other books on this topic. Definitely can walk away galvanized to break out of the manbox (the socialization of manhood) and the will to start fighting to end male violence against women. Recommended read for all men, who are willing to have an open mind on the subject.

[Giang Tran · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mình nghĩ là với một cuốn sách do đàn ông viết cho dàn ông thì cuốn sách này có vẻ hơi "dịu dàng" quá. Nó kiểu như là một lời kêu gọi "hãy quan tâm hơn tới những người phụ nữ xung quanh chúng ta", mà không chỉ thẳng vào những nam tính độc hại đang tồn tại, hay những cách thức cụ thể để làm việc với những phần tối đó, như cách đàn ông vẫn làm việc với nhau. (Hay là bản thân cái thiên kiến này của mình (và xã hội) cũng đang góp phần tạo ra cái vỏ bọc ấy nhỉ? :)) kiểu đàn ông thì phải thế này thế kia).
Dù sao mình vẫn kỳ vọng nhiều hơn khi đọc cuốn sách này.

[Quincella Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Survivor of Disrespect

This book needs to be in the hands of every gym teacher in America! It should not matter how old the student. This book teaches basic respect not only toward females but how men should respect themselves. I plan to buy it for my adult children with the expectation of teaching their children how to value women and self. This was an excellent read!

[Marlon · Rating 4 out of 5]

oxe, pq só tá aparecendo uma estrela? eu ein

[Kye Adeel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every man has to read this book.

[Don · Rating 3 out of 5]

Watch the TED talk and you got it.

Violence against women, and its base underlying causes is too complex for a 100 page book that is addressed to "well-meaning men" as opposed to abusive men and to no other audience. Objectifying women - the same thing.

American society as a whole promotes a culture that objectifies both sexes and creates obvious and subtle prejudices against women...and many other groups. I am not minimizing the effort to get "well-meaning" men to teach their boys and girls differently because it is a start. It has to start somewhere.

I am cynical enough, tonight, to say that as long as a major part of our economy is driven by objectifying women and men we will always have these problems.