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Elf Breeder : An Epic Fantasy Adventure
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441 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 19, 2026
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May 19, 2026
Executive Summary:
I really enjoyed the Goblin Breeder series, warts and all, and Elf Breeder is set in the same fantasy world, with many of Goblin Breeder’s characters making appearances in Elf Breeder. Unfortunately, it’s a disappointingly weak start to a new series. The characters are bland to the point of being nearly interchangeable, the relevance of the “breeder” part is questionable, the two antagonists are comically inept, there’s way too much unconvincing telling and nearly no showing, and the plot has more holes in it than a condom at a Bonnie Blue breeding party.
The premise and how it fits into Goblin Breeder:
Patrick Ellis Schwab from Cleveland discovers a magical portal and steps through into a new world. He’s greeted by several Elves who inform him that their tyrannical ruler Emperor Laeryth is rendering men impotent and kidnapping virgin women who are never seen again. However, non-virgins, and especially pregnant women are safe from being taken.
He was summoned to this world for the same reasons as Andrew, the MC of Goblin Breeder: defeat the villain, cure the curse, and sleep with as many women as possible. In fact, the MC and his new wife, Elanalue, go to the Goblin lands to meet Andrew and learn from him, which is how they spend the second act.
The villainous emperor actually made an appearance in the fifth Goblin Breeder book. Andrew tells Patrick about meeting him, echoing a line about him only caring about what’s most economical rather than caring about people, but fails to mention that the emperor was the one who magically juiced up the wagon-car before the final battle against Vogrim.
The author also makes the bizarre decision to give Patrick a Goblin wife named Elasha, despite the fact that the series is called “Elf Breeder”. She’s a skilled fighter and magic user and is more rambunctious than Elanalue or the other Elves, but she’s fine as a character.
The editing has (barely) improved:
The author separates paragraphs with line breaks instead of indentation, and the Goblin Breeder books were full of instances in which the line break was missing, causing two paragraphs to appear stuck together. Not so in Elf Breeder. I didn’t find a single instance of this paragraph formatting error, which is definitely an improvement.
However, there are still too many typos, from “a paint of armored gauntlets” instead of a pair to “an armor” instead of a suit of armor, or that scene where the MC admires a woman’s “public hair”. There’s also a truly egregious copy-pasting mistake during one of Patrick’s training sessions with Andrew where the same three paragraphs appear twice in a row.
The author also frequently misspells the names of his own fictional characters – one of the antagonists is called “Donoveer”, but this is also frequently spelled “Donaveer”. One more round of proofreading would have fixed all of these mistakes.
Almost all telling and virtually no showing:
The maxim “show don’t tell” is widely misunderstood. It doesn’t literally mean “always show and never tell”, it means that generally it’s much better to show the reader what you want them to know and let them figure it out for themselves instead of just spelling it out to them. Based on that definition, the author barely even tries to show us the state of the world he’s depicting.
We’re told repeatedly by the MC’s internal monologue as well as other characters that Emperor Laeryth is a tyrant who only sees his subjects as numbers instead of as living beings, but there’s little evidence of this in the narrative. The city of Irendell is the latest city to be targeted for the virgin raids, so where is the imperial garrison occupying the city to keep the restive population in check? Where are the secret police hunting down the rebels? Where are the wanted posters offering rewards for information leading to the capture of resistance members? Where are the public displays of the corpses of enemies of the emperor?
None of this is ever shown in the story; in fact none of these things are even mentioned. There is one gruesome execution in Chapter 35, but that comes pretty late. The sense that Irendell is suffering under an oppressive tyrant in the distant capital who preys on its virgin daughters is repeatedly insisted upon by the text, but it rings hollow because it’s never demonstrated.
Character development is weak across the board:
It’s quite telling that the most interesting characters in Elf Breeder are the ones we met in the Goblin Breeder series. All the Elven women are similarly haughty at first and then terrified of being dragged away if they’re discovered to be virgins, but also uncertain about whether they want to get pregnant or not, and all equally timid about sex until the MC puts them at ease. Some characters disappear entirely for much of the book, only to show up again at convenient times for a brief appearance.
Patrick himself is little more than a dollar-store Andrew from Goblin Breeder. They’re the same tough, dependable everyman with a difficult childhood, practical skills, and a heart of gold, but Patrick’s from Ohio and Andrew’s from Florida. To be clear, it’s good that the author gets the balance right with a believably attractive MC who’s neither a wimp nor a Gary Stu, but would it really be so hard to give Patrick a slightly different personality?
The MC’s first wife – he can have up to three – is Elanalue. She’s a dependable sidekick and also doesn’t get any development. In fact, the story dispenses with any attempt to give her more depth in favor of rehashing the magical blessings trope from the Goblin Breeder series. During the second act when they visit the Goblin temple to the goddess Zozella, the goddess speaks to them both and blesses each of them, agreeing to help Patrick in return for taking the Goblin woman Elasha as another wife – in a story titled “Elf Breeder”.
Zozella also blesses Elanalue and tells Patrick that she has a strong desire for family and children, and that she’s cured her of the infertility that she didn’t know she had. This could have been a point of character growth for Elanalue and an extended plot point over the course of the whole book, even extending into the second book: a major character who wants children but can’t have them, making for an important secondary objective in addition to the main one of defeating the villain. Instead, we’re told in the course of a single throwaway sentence that Elanalue was infertile without knowing it but not anymore. Having Zozella tell the MC about Elanalue’s strong desire for motherhood, despite the fact that Elanalue herself never mentions it before or later, is tossing away a golden opportunity to build her character and personality.
Why does the author do this? Ockham’s razor says it’s just lazy writing.
Is this really a breeding story?
For a story that’s literally titled “Elf Breeder”, the narrative is remarkably noncommittal when it comes to the breeding aspect. The Goblin Breeder series was crystal clear about this aspect of the narrative and committed to it fully: when the MC of Goblin Breeder is summoned to this world, no Goblin children had been born in the past five years due to a magical rain sent by the evil sorcerer Vogrim that cursed the Goblin men with impotence. The Goblin race was literally in danger of extinction, and so the Goblins needed Andrew to father an entire generation of children who would be immune to the effects of the rain until Vogrim could be defeated and the curse reversed.
Elf Breeder makes vague gestures in the same direction but is unwilling to commit to what is supposedly its title premise. It’s clearly established that the emperor only wants virgins, and there’s also a throwaway line early on that harming a pregnant woman is one of the gravest crimes in Elven culture, so the obvious solution is for the MC to not just have sex with as many Elven women as possible but to get them pregnant, right?
Well, there are multiple instances where the MC doesn’t finish inside the woman because she isn’t quite ready for motherhood or whatever, even though that’s literally the safest precaution against being taken away by the emperor’s henchmen.
Then there’s the outcome of Elanalue’s fertility blessing from Zozella. As soon as she and the MC leave the temple, she insists that they get back to their room at the inn to have sex as soon as possible, presumably because she’s eager to get pregnant. But during sex, she changes her mind mid-intercourse and gets the MC to pull out, explaining later that she’s actually not quite ready to get pregnant just yet, despite supposedly harboring a deep yearning for motherhood.
So what was the point of that scene in the temple with Zozella? Don’t worry about it, because the next time they have sex, Elanalue changes her mind again and decides that she really does want to conceive as soon as possible, urging the MC to finish inside her. So the whole panicked reversal earlier was a pointless waste of time.
The antagonists have plot holes in their brains:
The immediate antagonists of Elf Breeder are two aristocratic Elven brothers called Donoveer and Sundamar, two of the emperor’s most loyal “sycophants” – the author only ever calls them “sycophants”, not “lackeys” or “henchmen” or “followers” or “servants” or “emissaries”, just “sycophants”. They’re also very powerful and highly experienced magic users, a fact which is relevant to their mission and to at least one plot hole.
They arrive in Irendell shortly after the MC is summoned to their world to root out and punish enemies of the emperor and start rounding up the city’s virgins before taking them to the capital. However, conveniently for the good guys, they won’t start their work until after a few weeks of preparation, giving the MC and Elanalue time to visit the Goblin city of Gillamoor and meet the characters from the Goblin Breeder series.
Why do Donoveer and Sundamar arrive in the city alone without an armed escort or a battalion of soldiers to assist them? Do they expect the men of the city to stand by and watch them drag their virgin daughters away never to be seen again without violent resistance? Several women in the story tell the MC that they would rather take their own lives than be taken away, so how would just two guys manage to coral dozens, if not hundreds, of terrified virgins all the way to the capital without most of them running away or fighting back?
Either Donoveer and Sundamar are so insanely powerful that they really can handle this job by themselves – except that the MC literally beats Donoveer to death with his bare fists in Chapter 42 – or the author nerfed the villains’ IQs in order to make things easier for the good guys, leaving a giant hole in the plot in the process.
More and bigger plot holes in the antagonists’ brains:
In Chapter 38, Donoveer shows up at the temple with information that a man (the MC) is being harbored there. He also wants to perform a magical virginity test on the temple’s high priestess, but luckily she’s away from the temple, so he leaves and threatens to return later. The high priestess, Zestari, returns to the temple and has sex with the MC so she won’t be taken away for being a virgin. Sure enough, Donoveer comes back to the temple in Chapter 42 and tests Zestari, concluding that she’s been “defiled” and sneering that he’s going to tell the emperor that the temple is being run by a “whore”.
Since Donoveer already has information that an enemy of the emperor is hiding in the temple, and he determines that the high priestess has been deflowered, he should instantly put two and two together and use this as justification to search the temple for the man who took her virginity, since he’s obviously the same guy he’s looking for. If only the emperor had placed a contingent of soldiers under Donoveer’s and Sundamar’s command so that they could perform the search and detain the MC and anyone else suspected of aiding the emperor’s enemies, not to mention providing the muscle to grab and drag away the virgins that the emperor wants.
If only the author had thought of that, but he didn't, so Donoveer leaves.
Even bigger plot holes facilitated by bigger mouths and looser tongues:
In Chapter 39, after Donoveer leaves the temple the first time, the MC gets Zestari to teach him how to use magic to eavesdrop and he and Elanalue go to the house where the evil idiot Elven brothers are staying. The plan involves a series of lucky contrivances which do nothing but undermine the intelligence of the antagonists and the quality of the story even further.
1. The MC throws a rock at the door and shouts an inflammatory slogan before running down the street and out of sight; the brothers come out to investigate and find Elanalue pretending to be a shocked bystander.
2. Luckily, they believe her when she tells them that the culprit ran in the other direction and they don’t bother running after the culprit.
3. Luckily, the brothers don’t suspect that she might be an accomplice.
4. Luckily, the brothers also ask her why she’s out for a walk alone at night, which allows her to tell them that she likes to stroll about in the evening air, giving her the opportunity to suggest that they leave a window open to let in the evening breeze.
5. Luckily, the brothers decide to take her advice about leaving a window open when they go back inside.
6. Luckily, they start talking about the truth of the emperor’s master plan with the virgins as soon as they're back inside.
7. Luckily, it doesn’t occur to them to close the window so they can’t be overheard.
8. Luckily, it doesn’t occur to these two very powerful and experienced magic users to use magic to block any attempts at eavesdropping, even though the MC has only been using magic for a few weeks and learned how to use it to eavesdrop only an hour earlier.
The emperor’s master plan is . This is the sort of plot twist that should have been hinted at in the second book and only revealed in the third book. Dropping this in the first book was a huge mistake, and it tears even more holes in the plot in the process:
1. Why would anyone other than a tiny number of the emperor’s closest advisors ever be trusted with such sensitive information?
2. Donoveer and Sundamar come across as ambitious middlemen, not top-level members of the emperor’s inner circle, and at one point they tell Elanalue (who’s already lost her virginity to the MC) that the emperor is looking for new wives, so why would they need to know the true purpose of kidnapping these virgins in order to fulfil their mission?
3. Why do they freely blab away about the emperor’s true plan, even in the relative privacy of the house they’re staying in?
4. Why don’t they take any precautions against being overheard like closing the window or using magic to block eavesdropping?
5. Why wouldn’t the emperor have forced everyone privy to his plan to swear a magical oath of secrecy? It’s said several times that with enough knowledge and practice, you can do anything with magic, and the emperor is the most powerful magic user around.
The villains are even dumber in death:
After executing the two evil idiot Elven brothers in the big showdown – a literal fistfight in the street – the MC, Elanalue, and Elasha go back to the house where Donoveer and Sundamar were staying and search it for more information. They just so happen to find a bunch of notes confirming the evil plan to kidnap the virgins and to take Zestari first – because of course the villains left behind detailed notes of their evil plan for the good guys to find. More lazy writing.
They also discover the corpse of the house’s actual owner in the basement, revealing that the two brothers murdered him in order to occupy his house. As with the lack of an armed escort to assist them in their mission, this is another pointless plot hole. Donoveer and Sundamar were acting on the orders of the emperor himself, all they would need to do is flash an official seal of authority and they could commandeer any building or resources they wanted. Why kill some random citizen just to take over his house?
They also discover a talking glass – a magical mirror used for long-distance communication – which allowed Donoveer and Sundamar to speak directly with the emperor himself, so the MC uses it to call the emperor. The emperor immediately answers the call, because apparently this extremely powerful head of state with numerous administrative responsibilities is on call for the two morons he sent to collect the virgins, and the MC grandstands about how he’s going to defend “his” people. The emperor boasts about how “your women will worship me”, and the MC promises to kill him, then ends the call.
The Goblin Breeder series’ villain Vogrim was a constant background threat throughout all five books, and he wasn’t revealed until late in the last book. That preserved his mystique and made him seem like a distant but ever-present menace that kept the stakes high. Elf Breeder destroys whatever menace and mystique Emperor Laeryth might have had as a villain with this entirely pointless scene.
Concluding thoughts:
After finishing Elf Breeder, I decided to cancel my preorder of the second book in the series, which is due to release on May 19th. When I started writing this review, the author hadn’t even bothered to add the second book’s blurb on its Amazon webpage – it was finally added on May 9th – although he did add the blurb on Goodreads. In fact, as of this writing, the author hasn’t added the first book’s blurb to the Goodreads page.
The fact that the author can’t be bothered to keep the frontmatter properly updated shows just how few fucks he gives about this new series. Overall, Elf Breeder is a low-effort Temu version of Goblin Breeder whose best elements are borrowed from Goblin Breeder. Goblin Breeder wasn’t perfect, but there was still enough charm to be found that I breezed through those books and was willing to give Elf Breeder a try. Elf Breeder frittered away all of that goodwill, and having made it to the end, I couldn’t care less how Patrick’s half-baked story with the Elves unfolds.
If you’ve made it to the end of this review, I suggest you skip Elf Breeder.
I really enjoyed the Goblin Breeder series, warts and all, and Elf Breeder is set in the same fantasy world, with many of Goblin Breeder’s characters making appearances in Elf Breeder. Unfortunately, it’s a disappointingly weak start to a new series. The characters are bland to the point of being nearly interchangeable, the relevance of the “breeder” part is questionable, the two antagonists are comically inept, there’s way too much unconvincing telling and nearly no showing, and the plot has more holes in it than a condom at a Bonnie Blue breeding party.
The premise and how it fits into Goblin Breeder:
Patrick Ellis Schwab from Cleveland discovers a magical portal and steps through into a new world. He’s greeted by several Elves who inform him that their tyrannical ruler Emperor Laeryth is rendering men impotent and kidnapping virgin women who are never seen again. However, non-virgins, and especially pregnant women are safe from being taken.
He was summoned to this world for the same reasons as Andrew, the MC of Goblin Breeder: defeat the villain, cure the curse, and sleep with as many women as possible. In fact, the MC and his new wife, Elanalue, go to the Goblin lands to meet Andrew and learn from him, which is how they spend the second act.
The villainous emperor actually made an appearance in the fifth Goblin Breeder book. Andrew tells Patrick about meeting him, echoing a line about him only caring about what’s most economical rather than caring about people, but fails to mention that the emperor was the one who magically juiced up the wagon-car before the final battle against Vogrim.
The author also makes the bizarre decision to give Patrick a Goblin wife named Elasha, despite the fact that the series is called “Elf Breeder”. She’s a skilled fighter and magic user and is more rambunctious than Elanalue or the other Elves, but she’s fine as a character.
The editing has (barely) improved:
The author separates paragraphs with line breaks instead of indentation, and the Goblin Breeder books were full of instances in which the line break was missing, causing two paragraphs to appear stuck together. Not so in Elf Breeder. I didn’t find a single instance of this paragraph formatting error, which is definitely an improvement.
However, there are still too many typos, from “a paint of armored gauntlets” instead of a pair to “an armor” instead of a suit of armor, or that scene where the MC admires a woman’s “public hair”. There’s also a truly egregious copy-pasting mistake during one of Patrick’s training sessions with Andrew where the same three paragraphs appear twice in a row.
The author also frequently misspells the names of his own fictional characters – one of the antagonists is called “Donoveer”, but this is also frequently spelled “Donaveer”. One more round of proofreading would have fixed all of these mistakes.
Almost all telling and virtually no showing:
The maxim “show don’t tell” is widely misunderstood. It doesn’t literally mean “always show and never tell”, it means that generally it’s much better to show the reader what you want them to know and let them figure it out for themselves instead of just spelling it out to them. Based on that definition, the author barely even tries to show us the state of the world he’s depicting.
We’re told repeatedly by the MC’s internal monologue as well as other characters that Emperor Laeryth is a tyrant who only sees his subjects as numbers instead of as living beings, but there’s little evidence of this in the narrative. The city of Irendell is the latest city to be targeted for the virgin raids, so where is the imperial garrison occupying the city to keep the restive population in check? Where are the secret police hunting down the rebels? Where are the wanted posters offering rewards for information leading to the capture of resistance members? Where are the public displays of the corpses of enemies of the emperor?
None of this is ever shown in the story; in fact none of these things are even mentioned. There is one gruesome execution in Chapter 35, but that comes pretty late. The sense that Irendell is suffering under an oppressive tyrant in the distant capital who preys on its virgin daughters is repeatedly insisted upon by the text, but it rings hollow because it’s never demonstrated.
Character development is weak across the board:
It’s quite telling that the most interesting characters in Elf Breeder are the ones we met in the Goblin Breeder series. All the Elven women are similarly haughty at first and then terrified of being dragged away if they’re discovered to be virgins, but also uncertain about whether they want to get pregnant or not, and all equally timid about sex until the MC puts them at ease. Some characters disappear entirely for much of the book, only to show up again at convenient times for a brief appearance.
Patrick himself is little more than a dollar-store Andrew from Goblin Breeder. They’re the same tough, dependable everyman with a difficult childhood, practical skills, and a heart of gold, but Patrick’s from Ohio and Andrew’s from Florida. To be clear, it’s good that the author gets the balance right with a believably attractive MC who’s neither a wimp nor a Gary Stu, but would it really be so hard to give Patrick a slightly different personality?
The MC’s first wife – he can have up to three – is Elanalue. She’s a dependable sidekick and also doesn’t get any development. In fact, the story dispenses with any attempt to give her more depth in favor of rehashing the magical blessings trope from the Goblin Breeder series. During the second act when they visit the Goblin temple to the goddess Zozella, the goddess speaks to them both and blesses each of them, agreeing to help Patrick in return for taking the Goblin woman Elasha as another wife – in a story titled “Elf Breeder”.
Zozella also blesses Elanalue and tells Patrick that she has a strong desire for family and children, and that she’s cured her of the infertility that she didn’t know she had. This could have been a point of character growth for Elanalue and an extended plot point over the course of the whole book, even extending into the second book: a major character who wants children but can’t have them, making for an important secondary objective in addition to the main one of defeating the villain. Instead, we’re told in the course of a single throwaway sentence that Elanalue was infertile without knowing it but not anymore. Having Zozella tell the MC about Elanalue’s strong desire for motherhood, despite the fact that Elanalue herself never mentions it before or later, is tossing away a golden opportunity to build her character and personality.
Why does the author do this? Ockham’s razor says it’s just lazy writing.
Is this really a breeding story?
For a story that’s literally titled “Elf Breeder”, the narrative is remarkably noncommittal when it comes to the breeding aspect. The Goblin Breeder series was crystal clear about this aspect of the narrative and committed to it fully: when the MC of Goblin Breeder is summoned to this world, no Goblin children had been born in the past five years due to a magical rain sent by the evil sorcerer Vogrim that cursed the Goblin men with impotence. The Goblin race was literally in danger of extinction, and so the Goblins needed Andrew to father an entire generation of children who would be immune to the effects of the rain until Vogrim could be defeated and the curse reversed.
Elf Breeder makes vague gestures in the same direction but is unwilling to commit to what is supposedly its title premise. It’s clearly established that the emperor only wants virgins, and there’s also a throwaway line early on that harming a pregnant woman is one of the gravest crimes in Elven culture, so the obvious solution is for the MC to not just have sex with as many Elven women as possible but to get them pregnant, right?
Well, there are multiple instances where the MC doesn’t finish inside the woman because she isn’t quite ready for motherhood or whatever, even though that’s literally the safest precaution against being taken away by the emperor’s henchmen.
Then there’s the outcome of Elanalue’s fertility blessing from Zozella. As soon as she and the MC leave the temple, she insists that they get back to their room at the inn to have sex as soon as possible, presumably because she’s eager to get pregnant. But during sex, she changes her mind mid-intercourse and gets the MC to pull out, explaining later that she’s actually not quite ready to get pregnant just yet, despite supposedly harboring a deep yearning for motherhood.
So what was the point of that scene in the temple with Zozella? Don’t worry about it, because the next time they have sex, Elanalue changes her mind again and decides that she really does want to conceive as soon as possible, urging the MC to finish inside her. So the whole panicked reversal earlier was a pointless waste of time.
The antagonists have plot holes in their brains:
The immediate antagonists of Elf Breeder are two aristocratic Elven brothers called Donoveer and Sundamar, two of the emperor’s most loyal “sycophants” – the author only ever calls them “sycophants”, not “lackeys” or “henchmen” or “followers” or “servants” or “emissaries”, just “sycophants”. They’re also very powerful and highly experienced magic users, a fact which is relevant to their mission and to at least one plot hole.
They arrive in Irendell shortly after the MC is summoned to their world to root out and punish enemies of the emperor and start rounding up the city’s virgins before taking them to the capital. However, conveniently for the good guys, they won’t start their work until after a few weeks of preparation, giving the MC and Elanalue time to visit the Goblin city of Gillamoor and meet the characters from the Goblin Breeder series.
Why do Donoveer and Sundamar arrive in the city alone without an armed escort or a battalion of soldiers to assist them? Do they expect the men of the city to stand by and watch them drag their virgin daughters away never to be seen again without violent resistance? Several women in the story tell the MC that they would rather take their own lives than be taken away, so how would just two guys manage to coral dozens, if not hundreds, of terrified virgins all the way to the capital without most of them running away or fighting back?
Either Donoveer and Sundamar are so insanely powerful that they really can handle this job by themselves – except that the MC literally beats Donoveer to death with his bare fists in Chapter 42 – or the author nerfed the villains’ IQs in order to make things easier for the good guys, leaving a giant hole in the plot in the process.
More and bigger plot holes in the antagonists’ brains:
In Chapter 38, Donoveer shows up at the temple with information that a man (the MC) is being harbored there. He also wants to perform a magical virginity test on the temple’s high priestess, but luckily she’s away from the temple, so he leaves and threatens to return later. The high priestess, Zestari, returns to the temple and has sex with the MC so she won’t be taken away for being a virgin. Sure enough, Donoveer comes back to the temple in Chapter 42 and tests Zestari, concluding that she’s been “defiled” and sneering that he’s going to tell the emperor that the temple is being run by a “whore”.
Since Donoveer already has information that an enemy of the emperor is hiding in the temple, and he determines that the high priestess has been deflowered, he should instantly put two and two together and use this as justification to search the temple for the man who took her virginity, since he’s obviously the same guy he’s looking for. If only the emperor had placed a contingent of soldiers under Donoveer’s and Sundamar’s command so that they could perform the search and detain the MC and anyone else suspected of aiding the emperor’s enemies, not to mention providing the muscle to grab and drag away the virgins that the emperor wants.
If only the author had thought of that, but he didn't, so Donoveer leaves.
Even bigger plot holes facilitated by bigger mouths and looser tongues:
In Chapter 39, after Donoveer leaves the temple the first time, the MC gets Zestari to teach him how to use magic to eavesdrop and he and Elanalue go to the house where the evil idiot Elven brothers are staying. The plan involves a series of lucky contrivances which do nothing but undermine the intelligence of the antagonists and the quality of the story even further.
1. The MC throws a rock at the door and shouts an inflammatory slogan before running down the street and out of sight; the brothers come out to investigate and find Elanalue pretending to be a shocked bystander.
2. Luckily, they believe her when she tells them that the culprit ran in the other direction and they don’t bother running after the culprit.
3. Luckily, the brothers don’t suspect that she might be an accomplice.
4. Luckily, the brothers also ask her why she’s out for a walk alone at night, which allows her to tell them that she likes to stroll about in the evening air, giving her the opportunity to suggest that they leave a window open to let in the evening breeze.
5. Luckily, the brothers decide to take her advice about leaving a window open when they go back inside.
6. Luckily, they start talking about the truth of the emperor’s master plan with the virgins as soon as they're back inside.
7. Luckily, it doesn’t occur to them to close the window so they can’t be overheard.
8. Luckily, it doesn’t occur to these two very powerful and experienced magic users to use magic to block any attempts at eavesdropping, even though the MC has only been using magic for a few weeks and learned how to use it to eavesdrop only an hour earlier.
The emperor’s master plan is . This is the sort of plot twist that should have been hinted at in the second book and only revealed in the third book. Dropping this in the first book was a huge mistake, and it tears even more holes in the plot in the process:
1. Why would anyone other than a tiny number of the emperor’s closest advisors ever be trusted with such sensitive information?
2. Donoveer and Sundamar come across as ambitious middlemen, not top-level members of the emperor’s inner circle, and at one point they tell Elanalue (who’s already lost her virginity to the MC) that the emperor is looking for new wives, so why would they need to know the true purpose of kidnapping these virgins in order to fulfil their mission?
3. Why do they freely blab away about the emperor’s true plan, even in the relative privacy of the house they’re staying in?
4. Why don’t they take any precautions against being overheard like closing the window or using magic to block eavesdropping?
5. Why wouldn’t the emperor have forced everyone privy to his plan to swear a magical oath of secrecy? It’s said several times that with enough knowledge and practice, you can do anything with magic, and the emperor is the most powerful magic user around.
The villains are even dumber in death:
After executing the two evil idiot Elven brothers in the big showdown – a literal fistfight in the street – the MC, Elanalue, and Elasha go back to the house where Donoveer and Sundamar were staying and search it for more information. They just so happen to find a bunch of notes confirming the evil plan to kidnap the virgins and to take Zestari first – because of course the villains left behind detailed notes of their evil plan for the good guys to find. More lazy writing.
They also discover the corpse of the house’s actual owner in the basement, revealing that the two brothers murdered him in order to occupy his house. As with the lack of an armed escort to assist them in their mission, this is another pointless plot hole. Donoveer and Sundamar were acting on the orders of the emperor himself, all they would need to do is flash an official seal of authority and they could commandeer any building or resources they wanted. Why kill some random citizen just to take over his house?
They also discover a talking glass – a magical mirror used for long-distance communication – which allowed Donoveer and Sundamar to speak directly with the emperor himself, so the MC uses it to call the emperor. The emperor immediately answers the call, because apparently this extremely powerful head of state with numerous administrative responsibilities is on call for the two morons he sent to collect the virgins, and the MC grandstands about how he’s going to defend “his” people. The emperor boasts about how “your women will worship me”, and the MC promises to kill him, then ends the call.
The Goblin Breeder series’ villain Vogrim was a constant background threat throughout all five books, and he wasn’t revealed until late in the last book. That preserved his mystique and made him seem like a distant but ever-present menace that kept the stakes high. Elf Breeder destroys whatever menace and mystique Emperor Laeryth might have had as a villain with this entirely pointless scene.
Concluding thoughts:
After finishing Elf Breeder, I decided to cancel my preorder of the second book in the series, which is due to release on May 19th. When I started writing this review, the author hadn’t even bothered to add the second book’s blurb on its Amazon webpage – it was finally added on May 9th – although he did add the blurb on Goodreads. In fact, as of this writing, the author hasn’t added the first book’s blurb to the Goodreads page.
The fact that the author can’t be bothered to keep the frontmatter properly updated shows just how few fucks he gives about this new series. Overall, Elf Breeder is a low-effort Temu version of Goblin Breeder whose best elements are borrowed from Goblin Breeder. Goblin Breeder wasn’t perfect, but there was still enough charm to be found that I breezed through those books and was willing to give Elf Breeder a try. Elf Breeder frittered away all of that goodwill, and having made it to the end, I couldn’t care less how Patrick’s half-baked story with the Elves unfolds.
If you’ve made it to the end of this review, I suggest you skip Elf Breeder.
June 19, 2026
As someone who hasn't read the author's goblin breeder series before, i really liked this series. The MC, the characters and the stakes are well explained and the worldbuilding was also done better. Planning to continue this series as soon as i can.
July 5, 2026
A great series!
If you read Goblin Breeder then you will have a leg up on this one as it starts 10 years after Andrew came to the same world. Great action and great adult themes, just a great haremlit book. Can’t wait to read more of the series.
If you read Goblin Breeder then you will have a leg up on this one as it starts 10 years after Andrew came to the same world. Great action and great adult themes, just a great haremlit book. Can’t wait to read more of the series.
March 21, 2026
more fun in a world that needs another hero.
April 28, 2026
Decent enough but then the MC adds a goblin to the harem. Last I checked this book was called ELF breeder so what was the author thinking? I wanted elves and got goblins. Dropped.
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