What do you think?
Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose
From award-winning journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Wallace comes Mattering—a landmark book that introduces a transformative new framework to confront the loneliness, burnout, and lack of purpose so many of us face today.
In this groundbreaking work, Wallace makes an urgent mattering—the feeling that we are valued and have an opportunity to add value—is a core human need, as essential to our well-being as food and water. And yet, in today’s world, that fundamental need is going unmet, with perilous consequences. As mental and social health crises surge, we often blame social media, the pace of modern life, and polarizing politics. But beneath these issues lies a deeper crisis, what Wallace calls “an erosion of mattering.”
With her signature warmth and insight, Wallace weaves together research and deeply moving stories of mattering lost and regained. From burned-out employees to overwhelmed caregivers to people grappling with grief or struggling through a destabilizing transition, Mattering explores how our lives are transformed when we are reminded, in small and intentional ways, that we are valued and that we have value to offer. Wallace provides the essential elements to building what she calls our “mattering core”: recognizing your impact, being relied on (but not too much), feeling prioritized, and being truly known and invested in. Strengthening this core helps us reconnect to our sense of purpose, deepen our relationships, and navigate life’s uncertainties and challenges with greater resilience.
For readers of Brené Brown, David Brooks, and Adam Grant, Mattering is a rare, culture-shifting book that offers both a diagnosis and a remedy. With a clear road map and actionable takeaways, Wallace reveals how to unlock this powerful force within ourselves and how to build cultures of mattering in our homes, workplaces, and communities.
Mattering is both a call to action and a blueprint for living a meaningful life and creating a world we so urgently need.
In this groundbreaking work, Wallace makes an urgent mattering—the feeling that we are valued and have an opportunity to add value—is a core human need, as essential to our well-being as food and water. And yet, in today’s world, that fundamental need is going unmet, with perilous consequences. As mental and social health crises surge, we often blame social media, the pace of modern life, and polarizing politics. But beneath these issues lies a deeper crisis, what Wallace calls “an erosion of mattering.”
With her signature warmth and insight, Wallace weaves together research and deeply moving stories of mattering lost and regained. From burned-out employees to overwhelmed caregivers to people grappling with grief or struggling through a destabilizing transition, Mattering explores how our lives are transformed when we are reminded, in small and intentional ways, that we are valued and that we have value to offer. Wallace provides the essential elements to building what she calls our “mattering core”: recognizing your impact, being relied on (but not too much), feeling prioritized, and being truly known and invested in. Strengthening this core helps us reconnect to our sense of purpose, deepen our relationships, and navigate life’s uncertainties and challenges with greater resilience.
For readers of Brené Brown, David Brooks, and Adam Grant, Mattering is a rare, culture-shifting book that offers both a diagnosis and a remedy. With a clear road map and actionable takeaways, Wallace reveals how to unlock this powerful force within ourselves and how to build cultures of mattering in our homes, workplaces, and communities.
Mattering is both a call to action and a blueprint for living a meaningful life and creating a world we so urgently need.
8 pages, Audiobook
First published January 13, 2026
About the author
Jennifer Breheny Wallace
4 books145 followersJennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It. She is a frequent contributor to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post and appears on national television to discuss her articles and relevant topics in the news.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 420 reviews
February 14, 2026
I was very intrigued by the concept of mattering when this book dropped on my doormat. It's an interesting concept about how it's important to feel like we matter and whether we're making a difference in the world.
This book is well researched and reads well, however I found myself feeling a little disconnected from it as the book went on, and I'll tell you why.
As a woman well into mid-life and a recovering people pleaser, whilst I feel it's important to feel loved and to know that you matter to your family and close friends, I do think that taking this too wide and focusing on feeling like you matter to a larger group of people can potentially verge on people pleasing. Our own happiness should not be reliant on how we make others feel, nor do I feel that my own happiness has to rely on how others feel about me. I am not seeking validation for my existence on this planet. For example, there was a small section on being childfree, where one lady commented that she was never a priority to her friends who had children and therefore felt like she didn't matter. As a person who is childfree, whilst I would not expect to be dismissed by my friends who have children just because I don't have any, I would not expect to be their priority either.
There is also a large section on feeling like you matter in the workplace. Whilst I agree that being respected by your colleagues and being made to feel like your work is worthwhile by your managers is very important, if, like me, you work in a large organisation, you are never going to be more than just a small cog in a very large wheel and therefore will always be replaceable. I switch my thinking in my work to focus on it mattering that I work well with my close colleagues and to those who my work has a direct impact on.
This book is certainly thought provoking and for that I still think it’s worth a read (if it’s your kind of thing) but will it change my outlook to think about whether I matter? No. Because life is already stressful enough without worrying about whether I matter to my neighbours or someone I met in a shop or what someone thinks of me. I think there's just a simple answer to mattering and feeling like you're making a difference - always be kind.
This book is well researched and reads well, however I found myself feeling a little disconnected from it as the book went on, and I'll tell you why.
As a woman well into mid-life and a recovering people pleaser, whilst I feel it's important to feel loved and to know that you matter to your family and close friends, I do think that taking this too wide and focusing on feeling like you matter to a larger group of people can potentially verge on people pleasing. Our own happiness should not be reliant on how we make others feel, nor do I feel that my own happiness has to rely on how others feel about me. I am not seeking validation for my existence on this planet. For example, there was a small section on being childfree, where one lady commented that she was never a priority to her friends who had children and therefore felt like she didn't matter. As a person who is childfree, whilst I would not expect to be dismissed by my friends who have children just because I don't have any, I would not expect to be their priority either.
There is also a large section on feeling like you matter in the workplace. Whilst I agree that being respected by your colleagues and being made to feel like your work is worthwhile by your managers is very important, if, like me, you work in a large organisation, you are never going to be more than just a small cog in a very large wheel and therefore will always be replaceable. I switch my thinking in my work to focus on it mattering that I work well with my close colleagues and to those who my work has a direct impact on.
This book is certainly thought provoking and for that I still think it’s worth a read (if it’s your kind of thing) but will it change my outlook to think about whether I matter? No. Because life is already stressful enough without worrying about whether I matter to my neighbours or someone I met in a shop or what someone thinks of me. I think there's just a simple answer to mattering and feeling like you're making a difference - always be kind.
January 29, 2026
A ‘transformative new framework’ is a grossly hyperbolized description of this book. I thought it was profoundly…mediocre.
Did Not Finish
January 31, 2026Started skimming at 50%. Not the book's fault - I was looking for something more existential and less self-help. But it reminded me to let all of my fellow reviewers know that their reviews are important to me, and that I value their insights!
September 30, 2026
Mattering 💛 is such a beautiful reminder of the importance of human connection—and how much it can mean to simply feel seen, heard, and understood. Sometimes we forget just how deeply our presence matters to the people around us. 🥹✨
This book felt like a gentle little hug wrapped in pages. 📖🌷 A heartfelt reminder that you matter, your story matters, and connection matters more than we sometimes realize. 💕
This book felt like a gentle little hug wrapped in pages. 📖🌷 A heartfelt reminder that you matter, your story matters, and connection matters more than we sometimes realize. 💕
February 24, 2026
This was a decent read but I felt the advice boiled down to, be a good person and help each other out. A good reminder, but I feel like the type of person who picks up this book probably doesn't need that advice.
February 15, 2026
Utterly disappointing, particularly in light of the rave reviews featured on the dust jacket by famed authors such as Adam Grant, Susan Cain and Kelly Corrigan to name but a few. The writing is fluid (which is why I gave it two stars instead of one) but no new ground is covered here. Far from the blurbs hailing this book as “powerful”, “persuasive” and “consequential”, a more apt description would be banal, bromidic and vapid.
April 6, 2026
It is not the typical find your purpose by finding your ultimate passion and scale type of book. And that was very refreshing. This is a good and structured reminder of how we can do better for others and ourselves. How to be more attentive, intentional and overall a better human being I think. Gave me a lot of reflections and ideas on how to further build community and meaningful moments.
November 2, 2025
4.5 stars
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
June 10, 2026
This book touched me in many ways.
April 13, 2026
This one took awhile. The first half was really good. Then it tapered off, for me, and I set it aside for weeks and then pushed myself through. But I earmarked lots 4U.
I love this topic.
Mattering and the need to matter is essential after food and shelter. It drives behavior. Good and bad. "We long to feel valued by our family, friends, and community and to add value in return, to make a positive impact and contribute meaningfully to the lives of others."
Unfortunately these days, "We've lost track of our most basic human needs for connection and contribution.
Now we often feel tempted to fill that void with counterfeit forms of mattering chasing attention over connection, prestige over purpose, and money over meaning. The rise in loneliness, burn-out, and anxiety is the predictable consequence of a society that has forgotten how to make people feel valued."
The firefighter part was really interesting. The lack of closure and not being able to learn how things turn out for the victims they take to the hospital takes a huge toll on their mental health. They want to know that their efforts made a difference.
We feel similar effects in our life "Like firefighters, we often struggle not because we don't contribute, but because we rarely see the impact. We drop off soup for a sick friend but never hear whether it brought comfort. We contribute to a GoFundMe, uncertain if our donation helped. We give advice to an acquaintance preparing for a job interview and never hear how it went. Whether it's because we live in a culture that prizes self-sufficiency or simply because we are busy and distracted, too often we forget to close the loop with others." That's so important.
I liked the story of the girl who wrote cards that led with "If it weren't for you..," and told how instrumental they were.
Formula for adding value= find a need In the world + apply your strength.
"we often think of energy as a finite resource, like water in a glass; we fear that if we keep pouring, it will run out. But energy doesn't always work that way. Studies consistently show that helping others boosts our vitality, what researchers have termed a "helper's high." One study found that regular volunteering was linked to higher levels of energy and well-being."
We need responsibility for others because it gives us purpose. "There's a growing tendency in our culture to treat responsibility to others as an inconvenience, an obligation to dodge or delegate. In trying to guard against burnout or preserve auton-omy, we can begin to see every task as a threat, like one more thing to manage rather than a sign that we matter. But responsibility and obligation aren't the same thing. Obligation comes from the Latin obligare to bind. It implies duty without choice. Re-sponsibility, by contrast, comes from respondere-to respond. It's grounded in agency. Where obligation says "you have to," responsibility says "you can." One feels like weight, while the other feels like an invitation. When we conflate the two, we miss something essential. When no one depends on us, a sense of purposeless-ness can creep in. As counterintuitive as it may seem, too much freedom without meaningful responsibility can leave us feeling hollow." We need the weight of burden.
" Is there anything you could use help with right now?" This helps people define their needs.
I enjoyed the story about Rehan- the guy who was garbage dumpster refurbisher, and felt invisible working alongside formally incarcerated men. He overheard a mother tell her child don't end up like those men and felt very ashamed. Later in life when he had a degree from Harvard law school, he would go out of his way to appreciate the janitors and the support staff with handwritten thank you cards and Amazon gift cards.
I love this topic.
Mattering and the need to matter is essential after food and shelter. It drives behavior. Good and bad. "We long to feel valued by our family, friends, and community and to add value in return, to make a positive impact and contribute meaningfully to the lives of others."
Unfortunately these days, "We've lost track of our most basic human needs for connection and contribution.
Now we often feel tempted to fill that void with counterfeit forms of mattering chasing attention over connection, prestige over purpose, and money over meaning. The rise in loneliness, burn-out, and anxiety is the predictable consequence of a society that has forgotten how to make people feel valued."
The firefighter part was really interesting. The lack of closure and not being able to learn how things turn out for the victims they take to the hospital takes a huge toll on their mental health. They want to know that their efforts made a difference.
We feel similar effects in our life "Like firefighters, we often struggle not because we don't contribute, but because we rarely see the impact. We drop off soup for a sick friend but never hear whether it brought comfort. We contribute to a GoFundMe, uncertain if our donation helped. We give advice to an acquaintance preparing for a job interview and never hear how it went. Whether it's because we live in a culture that prizes self-sufficiency or simply because we are busy and distracted, too often we forget to close the loop with others." That's so important.
I liked the story of the girl who wrote cards that led with "If it weren't for you..," and told how instrumental they were.
Formula for adding value= find a need In the world + apply your strength.
"we often think of energy as a finite resource, like water in a glass; we fear that if we keep pouring, it will run out. But energy doesn't always work that way. Studies consistently show that helping others boosts our vitality, what researchers have termed a "helper's high." One study found that regular volunteering was linked to higher levels of energy and well-being."
We need responsibility for others because it gives us purpose. "There's a growing tendency in our culture to treat responsibility to others as an inconvenience, an obligation to dodge or delegate. In trying to guard against burnout or preserve auton-omy, we can begin to see every task as a threat, like one more thing to manage rather than a sign that we matter. But responsibility and obligation aren't the same thing. Obligation comes from the Latin obligare to bind. It implies duty without choice. Re-sponsibility, by contrast, comes from respondere-to respond. It's grounded in agency. Where obligation says "you have to," responsibility says "you can." One feels like weight, while the other feels like an invitation. When we conflate the two, we miss something essential. When no one depends on us, a sense of purposeless-ness can creep in. As counterintuitive as it may seem, too much freedom without meaningful responsibility can leave us feeling hollow." We need the weight of burden.
" Is there anything you could use help with right now?" This helps people define their needs.
I enjoyed the story about Rehan- the guy who was garbage dumpster refurbisher, and felt invisible working alongside formally incarcerated men. He overheard a mother tell her child don't end up like those men and felt very ashamed. Later in life when he had a degree from Harvard law school, he would go out of his way to appreciate the janitors and the support staff with handwritten thank you cards and Amazon gift cards.
May 29, 2026
This book uses real-life stories to explore our fundamental need to matter, touching on recognition of others' efforts, the power of being needed (without being over-relied upon - teachers are the prime example here), and the impact of life transitions. While many of the recommended actions aren't groundbreaking, they serve as crucial reminders to actively recognize the value in others. Wallace does introduce a few fresh, fun ideas that could easily inspire other ways to create connections, like cafe "chatty tables" for people looking to talk, empathetic listening training for barbers, and neighborhood cookie deliveries with driveway chats. As a person who loves people but is not naturally social, I appreciate the ideas for bringing people together that I would probably not think of on my own.
March 24, 2026
Last year I read a bunch of books about connection and belonging. So many that I created a GR shelf just to keep track of all of them. Mattering fits in with those books. Its strength is its approachability. The author and I do not see eye to eye on everything but I appreciated the conversation. The ideas discussed are applicable in a variety of settings - home, work, community, spiritual life. Even if you end up disagreeing with the book's conclusions, I think any reader will find something to chew on, something worth talking about in person with friends. This is a book I find myself recommending to people over books I enjoyed and admired more simply because it is easy to read, easy to understand, and immediately applicable. If connection, purpose, belonging, and meaning are ideas you want to engage with, this is a good entry point. If you are already in the deep end, this won't be enough.
February 8, 2026
I was thinking I was getting a book about existential mattering. Instead it seemed like a rehash of another book I read recently entitled "Validation". Instead of finding a deep unshakeable sense of mattering within, Wallace would have us become dependent on others for our sense of worth. I didn't find that helpful.
April 25, 2026
Two things can be true:
1. This was quite transformative to my mindset and helped me to take some concrete actions to help others see that they matter.
2. I started skimming in the final 40%. It got a little repetitive.
1. This was quite transformative to my mindset and helped me to take some concrete actions to help others see that they matter.
2. I started skimming in the final 40%. It got a little repetitive.
February 14, 2026
For a book about depth, I found the stories forced or inauthentic.
August 27, 2026
Not bad for a book from the self help genre
July 5, 2026
I gave this book a go after my mom sent it to me unprompted..
While Wallace doesn’t write anything surprising she gives language to and strikes at the core of what it means to be human. What resonated with me the most is the importance of seeing your end to end impact and how intertwined our sense of mattering is with others; it’s this beautiful interdependent system where to matter we must reach out and create space for others to need us and we must conversely ask for help and let others in.
I particularly enjoyed the sections on having cornermen, a group of people coaching and supporting you, as well as how Wallace addresses why life transitions can be so destabilizing.
While Wallace doesn’t write anything surprising she gives language to and strikes at the core of what it means to be human. What resonated with me the most is the importance of seeing your end to end impact and how intertwined our sense of mattering is with others; it’s this beautiful interdependent system where to matter we must reach out and create space for others to need us and we must conversely ask for help and let others in.
I particularly enjoyed the sections on having cornermen, a group of people coaching and supporting you, as well as how Wallace addresses why life transitions can be so destabilizing.
February 26, 2026
A feel good read that made me feel a little more connected to something bigger
February 4, 2026
I was made redundant last year and since there I've lost a lot of my purpose, so reading this book really helped me understand how this big change in my life has impacted me in so many ways. It is a fascinating read and talks you through how you manage these transitions in life, to ensure you still maintain connection and have purpose. A wonderful book.
May 19, 2026
Too much freedom prohibits us from having purpose? Not being responsible for anyone prevents us from mattering? Let every single person merge in front of you in traffic? lol ok bootlicker. This one ain’t it. I think the author needs to find a new thing cause her idea of mattering doesn’t matter to me and it shouldn’t to you either.
February 13, 2026
Boring nothing new or interesting
April 3, 2026
It matters to matter. Yep.
September 29, 2026
People don’t leave companies, they leave bad managers”.
I think every manager should read this book. Yeah being kind and thoughtful seems like a no brainer but it really isn’t most people’s MO. I think it’s hard for most people to look up and show interest in the people that are standing nearby. I appreciated that this author travelled and interviewed people that have come up with unique successful ways to bring out the best in others and encourage thoughtfulness. Lots of good advice in this book.
I think every manager should read this book. Yeah being kind and thoughtful seems like a no brainer but it really isn’t most people’s MO. I think it’s hard for most people to look up and show interest in the people that are standing nearby. I appreciated that this author travelled and interviewed people that have come up with unique successful ways to bring out the best in others and encourage thoughtfulness. Lots of good advice in this book.
March 25, 2026
A good adjacent read to Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It. While that book focused a lot on teen achievement and college acceptance, Mattering is more of a whole-life focus on finding meaning through connection.
March 10, 2026
Outstanding book on intentionally finding ways to help others know they matter and to be where we understand we matter. Reading this has helped me fill in the missing piece of several confusing areas of my life. To be a part of mattering requires work, but it’s something worth doing! 🍊
August 24, 2026
As expected, I had no issues with it but it didn’t do a ton for me. Then again, it said that a quarter of people report feeling very lonely & I was like wow that seems way too low! So maybe I did in fact need to read it
June 22, 2026
This was a touching book that definitely allowed for some reflection of myself and society. Definitely will think about how others feel before making assumptions.
March 1, 2026
Wish intrinsic/ extrinsic mattering had been discussed (we need less extrinsic mattering if we have solid intrinsic mattering). Sad that we need to discuss this & how vital it is in healthy relationships. (And how sad it is when nonexistent.). Let’s learn how to show mattering to the next generation! And change lives! 💕💕
September 27, 2026
Faculty summer read. Nothing wrong with it just wasn’t in the mood to read it. Some good annotations
Displaying 1 - 30 of 420 reviews