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How We Sleep At Night
A christian mother comes to terms with her son being gay through a personal journey that starts with the Church and ends at the Pride Parade.
134 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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465 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
March 20, 2015
The author emailed me out of the blue, asking if I would be prepared to read and review this book. I must admit that it's not my usual fare - I lean much more to the 'gay blokes being brave while blowing stuff up' end of the genre fiction spectrum - but I agreed and I am very glad that I did.
First of all, I inhabit a very different culture. I'm British, my friends are mostly either agnostic or pagan or C of E of the gentle live and let live variety. God is important but organised religion isn't. A lot of what I read in Sara's book made me gape and say "Oh surely not" and question how a God that's supposed to be about love would allow his representatives on earth to put young people like her son and their families through such anguish.
This is a very brave book. Sara admits to harbouring such negative feelings about her son and herself, as her heart warred with what her church had raised her to believe, that she sank deep into depression. I'm so glad she was able to pull through it and see the goodness in Parker's relationship with his boyfriend.
There are a few editorial problems with the book, some of which may be due to me reading American English with a British English mind.
3.5* rounded up to 4.
First of all, I inhabit a very different culture. I'm British, my friends are mostly either agnostic or pagan or C of E of the gentle live and let live variety. God is important but organised religion isn't. A lot of what I read in Sara's book made me gape and say "Oh surely not" and question how a God that's supposed to be about love would allow his representatives on earth to put young people like her son and their families through such anguish.
This is a very brave book. Sara admits to harbouring such negative feelings about her son and herself, as her heart warred with what her church had raised her to believe, that she sank deep into depression. I'm so glad she was able to pull through it and see the goodness in Parker's relationship with his boyfriend.
There are a few editorial problems with the book, some of which may be due to me reading American English with a British English mind.
3.5* rounded up to 4.
November 12, 2014
My heart is so wrapped up in this story, my head can hardly form a thought beyond love, love, love, it matters. It's the only thing that matters. Sara writes bravely, unabashedly candid about her struggle to not blindly accept or deny her son as gay, but deeply, unequivocally know true love.
Her journey changes her from the inside out where God's grace grows from Parker's love for his mother, her family's desire (and patience) to see her whole and God's desire to see her whole. Sara's journey shows how God never cares about the things we think He cares about or the situation or the exact circumstance. He is always performing surgery, cutting way with exact precision those lies we tell ourselves, those notions of right or wrong. His grace oozes out of Parker's bravery to be Parker and Sara's bravery to be Sara. This is a story of family and unconditional love. Sara's heart matters. Parker's heart matter. Kohl's heart matters. I just don't find any worthwhile pursuit better than two people who learn to love like this.
Her journey changes her from the inside out where God's grace grows from Parker's love for his mother, her family's desire (and patience) to see her whole and God's desire to see her whole. Sara's journey shows how God never cares about the things we think He cares about or the situation or the exact circumstance. He is always performing surgery, cutting way with exact precision those lies we tell ourselves, those notions of right or wrong. His grace oozes out of Parker's bravery to be Parker and Sara's bravery to be Sara. This is a story of family and unconditional love. Sara's heart matters. Parker's heart matter. Kohl's heart matters. I just don't find any worthwhile pursuit better than two people who learn to love like this.
March 7, 2023
Five stars just because I absolutely love Sara and her mission in the world. This book is very healing for me.
January 29, 2015
This book is a very personal account on a subject that I myself have wrestled with for a long time. I think it is very important, on all sides of this issue, to be faced with reality. This book does just that. It puts a face to the issue. This is a wonderful story about a woman who passionately loves God, fiercely loves her son and her journey to figure out how to reconcile these two things when the world tells her they aren't compatible. No matter what your beliefs are, I would encourage you to read this with an open mind and an open heart, it will be worth it.
Also, be prepared to take a few breaks for laughing and crying as you read.
Also, be prepared to take a few breaks for laughing and crying as you read.
December 13, 2014
I met Sara Cunningham at a meet and greet, too. We briefly talked about her experiences and Christianity and homosexuality. I parted with a copy of thus book and a Fernando hug. This book is an honest, raw look at a mother's heart as she confronts a conflict between her faith and her love for her son. There are curse words, including the f word. There is sadness. There is love. Sara doesn't have all the answers, but she has love. I don't feel exactly as she does on various points, but I agree that God calls upon us to love ALL His children. If you are a person of faith with a loved one who has "come out", you may have similar feelings, concerns or fears.
May 16, 2015
Very honest and vulnerable. She is humble and graceful about her journey understanding her son. I think this is a great read for Christians (especially parents) struggling with how to love and walk beside their LGBT children. It could also be enlightening for LGBT children and what their parents may be processing.
July 27, 2018
Perspective
I've searched for ways to bridge the gap between my devout parents and myself. I never stopped to consider the turmoil they have endured in dealing with the reality of having a gay son. Take the time to read this book and perhaps gain insight into something not considered.
I've searched for ways to bridge the gap between my devout parents and myself. I never stopped to consider the turmoil they have endured in dealing with the reality of having a gay son. Take the time to read this book and perhaps gain insight into something not considered.
November 7, 2017
I like the point of this book, and the story is good. Worthwhile read for sure; however, I got irritated easily at the “stream of consciousness” writing style. I wanted it to be more put together than it was.
November 9, 2023
Met this wonderful author when I sat next to her on a plan back to Oklahoma City and she gave me a copy of her book! She talks about she struggled to come to terms with accepting her son after he came out and now she is an amazing advocate for the LGBTQ community.
April 13, 2019
This book should definitely carry a trigger warning for LGBTQ+ individuals, especially those just coming out.
The author discusses her own pain at her son’s being gay in much more detail than her acceptance of him or her retrospective empathy at his experience. It was really triggering for me because it felt like I was doing the emotional labor to try to connect to/understand someone who’s extremely upset over the fact that I exist. Of course, she comes around in the end, but the book was extremely difficult for me to read.
In general, the writing also lacks detail. It’s as if she is trying to tell the story in as few words as possible, and by doing so, she tells and doesn’t show for almost the entire book, making it hard to empathize with her change of heart.
If this were the only book I was given on LGBTQ+ inclusion in the church, I would be non-affirming, because her change of heart is not told emotionally convincingly, and so much of the book is spent with her talking about how much she cried about her son being gay.
The author discusses her own pain at her son’s being gay in much more detail than her acceptance of him or her retrospective empathy at his experience. It was really triggering for me because it felt like I was doing the emotional labor to try to connect to/understand someone who’s extremely upset over the fact that I exist. Of course, she comes around in the end, but the book was extremely difficult for me to read.
In general, the writing also lacks detail. It’s as if she is trying to tell the story in as few words as possible, and by doing so, she tells and doesn’t show for almost the entire book, making it hard to empathize with her change of heart.
If this were the only book I was given on LGBTQ+ inclusion in the church, I would be non-affirming, because her change of heart is not told emotionally convincingly, and so much of the book is spent with her talking about how much she cried about her son being gay.
February 8, 2022
All through high school I questioned how could I be bi and yet love God so much. Wouldn't He hate me? Wouldn't my church, my family, everyone? I finally became open about it in my twenties. I was met with a lot of everything I feared other than from my family. So to say this book hit me hard is a bit of an understatement. It was beautifully written and I love how she could have glossed over her struggles and painted this picture of herself as always accepting and she didn't. It means so much to me to be able to read this and see how she processed it because I still struggle and I'm marrying a man. I highly recommend this book.
July 10, 2025
challenging to read. I respect the vulnerability and honest thought process. I respect having to "unlearn" harsh evangelical principals; I share that. My heart broke and I literally screamed out in frustration by Parker having to navigate alone. I only finished bc I knew Sara is now the Mom to others that Parker needed then. And I'm was so proud when he told her he sucked it up and now she needs to suck it up! I love and admire when our kids tell us what they need. Didn't like the book but not every story is beautiful. I do like the outcome though 🖤
May 13, 2017
Honest emotions
This book is full of honest emotions. The author experienced the full spectrum of emotions during her journey to except her son as he is. I hope this book finds it's way into the lives of other parents and family members who are questioning their own reactions to the coming out of a loved one, that they will understand and except their child as a perfect gift from God.
This book is full of honest emotions. The author experienced the full spectrum of emotions during her journey to except her son as he is. I hope this book finds it's way into the lives of other parents and family members who are questioning their own reactions to the coming out of a loved one, that they will understand and except their child as a perfect gift from God.
January 12, 2019
Perspective
It was pretty painful reading through the author’s insufferable ignorance and initial intolerance. However, I think this book speaks volumes to both sides. How she was a product of hate while preaching love and how she finally found peace through acceptance. I think this book would be helpful to parents in her situation and for those who aren’t in her situation... it will tear you apart but I respect her honesty.
It was pretty painful reading through the author’s insufferable ignorance and initial intolerance. However, I think this book speaks volumes to both sides. How she was a product of hate while preaching love and how she finally found peace through acceptance. I think this book would be helpful to parents in her situation and for those who aren’t in her situation... it will tear you apart but I respect her honesty.
January 13, 2019
The author takes us through her raw and, at times, painstakingly honest journey of sorting through what it means to her that her son is gay. While some readers note being turned off by her stream of consciousness narration, I was drawn in by her willingness to take the story where it went even if that was not always linear. What I love most about this book is its overwhelming message of fierce, motherly love. The author shows us that, at its best, love is a verb.
August 27, 2019
Wow! Just Wow!
This is a very powerful story of a mother's coming to terms with the conflict between her Christian beliefs and her son's homosexuality. Reframing her beliefs without compromising the Christian principles of her faith brought about a greater understanding for the entire family, allowing everyone to bloom in love for one another, and continue having a deep spiritual relationship with God.
This is a very powerful story of a mother's coming to terms with the conflict between her Christian beliefs and her son's homosexuality. Reframing her beliefs without compromising the Christian principles of her faith brought about a greater understanding for the entire family, allowing everyone to bloom in love for one another, and continue having a deep spiritual relationship with God.
April 5, 2023
I love this book. I love Sara for sharing her heart, her struggles, her story. I am a a proud mom of a member of the LGBTQ community and this book hit some places in my soul. It made me think of things in ways I had not before. It helped remind me that we are all beautiful, accepted & loved in the eyes of a higher power. Thank you, Sara!
August 18, 2018
Awesome Story & Awesome Woman
Sara details the anxieties and pains of going through this journey, but also details the hopes and lifting of burdens that happens through making it out the other side. Badass.
Sara details the anxieties and pains of going through this journey, but also details the hopes and lifting of burdens that happens through making it out the other side. Badass.
October 5, 2018
Perfect!
Exactly the mom I want to be on the other side of doubt and fear for my beloved child. I’m not crazy for wanting to love this little blessing God gave me... no matter what.. just like Jesus did for me.
Exactly the mom I want to be on the other side of doubt and fear for my beloved child. I’m not crazy for wanting to love this little blessing God gave me... no matter what.. just like Jesus did for me.
December 9, 2018
Amazing!
This is an amazing, must read for any parent! In this book, Sara tells of her emotional journey of being Christian and struggling to understand and accept that her son is gay. Every page was captivating and I couldn't put it down! Highly recommend!
This is an amazing, must read for any parent! In this book, Sara tells of her emotional journey of being Christian and struggling to understand and accept that her son is gay. Every page was captivating and I couldn't put it down! Highly recommend!
February 18, 2019
Wow - the author (& her son) went through so much personal torment. I especially liked the part where she, one by one, went through the people she met who helped her in some way to get through her hard times accepting her son. I liked the way she very specifically said what those people gave her.
January 18, 2020
While I appreciated the subject of the book (a mother dealing with the reality that her son is gay), I felt it was overly religious and the writing was poorly written from the grammar, fragmented sentences and overall syntax.
January 3, 2021
Not an earth shattering piece of literature but a good story of a typical religious parent coming to grips with their gay son, going through the various phases that that journey entails. A quick easy read. Would be good for a newly “gay parent” with religious leanings and struggles.
July 9, 2021
For all Libraries
I would, if I had the power put a copy of this story of hope in every church library there is….and then I would build some more libraries. Grace won, grace wins
I would, if I had the power put a copy of this story of hope in every church library there is….and then I would build some more libraries. Grace won, grace wins
April 21, 2023
Very touching…especially since I’m a mother and its from a mothers perspective. Such a stirring reminder of all the decisions you make on behalf of your children with incomplete knowledge and no idea where to get resources.
February 17, 2024
A Christian Mom with a Gay Son
The journey of being a Christian with a gay son. The author lays her life and soul out for the readers to see. It comes down to what to do as a Christian.
The journey of being a Christian with a gay son. The author lays her life and soul out for the readers to see. It comes down to what to do as a Christian.
July 2, 2018
Beautiful
So good to hear from a Christian perspective what a parent goes through and the challenges to your traditions and faith journey. It was refreshingly honest.
So good to hear from a Christian perspective what a parent goes through and the challenges to your traditions and faith journey. It was refreshingly honest.
July 24, 2018
Beautiful
I laughed, cried, and just all around enjoyed the raw emotion and truth in struggle, acceptance, and above all else...Love.
I laughed, cried, and just all around enjoyed the raw emotion and truth in struggle, acceptance, and above all else...Love.
January 14, 2019
Ms. Cunningham has a beautiful story bursting out of her big heart. She deserves a first-class editor to help her fill in the gaps and harness her thoughts.
January 31, 2019
I wish my mom would read this.
I cried. I love this book. If you happen to be a parent struggling with your child's sexuality then definitely read it!
I cried. I love this book. If you happen to be a parent struggling with your child's sexuality then definitely read it!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews