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A Sentient Ruler Romance
When Alice’s mom calls her the day before her twenty-seventh birthday, claiming anything she puts inside herself after midnight will turn into a human, what does Alice do? Shoves a ruler up there, of course.
Now Alice has to learn to live with her new boyfriend, Gage, who’s hung like a ruler and likes to measure stuff.
When Alice’s mom calls her the day before her twenty-seventh birthday, claiming anything she puts inside herself after midnight will turn into a human, what does Alice do? Shoves a ruler up there, of course.
Now Alice has to learn to live with her new boyfriend, Gage, who’s hung like a ruler and likes to measure stuff.
114 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 2, 2026
About the author
Imogen Knowed
20 books50 followersImogen Knowed is a queer, AuDHD girly who hyperfocuses on creating fake people in her head. Instead of letting them stay in there, she writes them down for others to meet. She spends her days programming video games and her nights reading and writing smut. When she’s not writing smut or making video games, she’s hanging out with her family and pets (aka her “pack”).
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https://www.instagram.com/imogenknowed/
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews
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June 23, 2026
Curiosity has once again killed the cat.
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June 16, 2026Why did I relate to the existential crisis that the smut ruler was having in this book?
July 10, 2026
why was this lowkey good
May 12, 2026
I am not sure I know what to say.
But I read this.
But I read this.
July 26, 2026
i don't want this on my shelf but i also want this on my shelf. yk, just for posterity.
June 28, 2026
3.5 stars ⭐️
Hell yeah girl, put a ruler up your cooch and have it turn into the ultimate boyfriend. Why not??
So that may be a gross over simplification of the story BUT it’s hella funny, surprisingly wholesome (who knew I’d deeply feel for a ruler-turned-man having an existential crisis) and also kinda hot, ngl. Yes, it’s weird as fuck. I would even go as far as to say it’s straight up wack (and kinda dumb). But you know what? I love weird girl fiction. I’ll definitely be picking up the sequel if I want a laugh. Here are two of my favourite quotes for your entertainment:
“"You do not have a twat of transmutation or whatever," I inform my face. "You are not cursed. You are a mildly educated woman with a 401(k) and a negative net worth."
“Maybe one of her grandfathers was a vacuum. Thank Dionysus for that.”
DISCLAIMER: I always rate books based off their specific (sub)genre and my expectations of it. Because this is a literal 100ish page sentient object paranormal romance my expectations were a having a giggle. Not a quality literary experience or a full, in-depth story with immersive worldbuilding. Don’t try and compare the two!!
Hell yeah girl, put a ruler up your cooch and have it turn into the ultimate boyfriend. Why not??
So that may be a gross over simplification of the story BUT it’s hella funny, surprisingly wholesome (who knew I’d deeply feel for a ruler-turned-man having an existential crisis) and also kinda hot, ngl. Yes, it’s weird as fuck. I would even go as far as to say it’s straight up wack (and kinda dumb). But you know what? I love weird girl fiction. I’ll definitely be picking up the sequel if I want a laugh. Here are two of my favourite quotes for your entertainment:
“"You do not have a twat of transmutation or whatever," I inform my face. "You are not cursed. You are a mildly educated woman with a 401(k) and a negative net worth."
“Maybe one of her grandfathers was a vacuum. Thank Dionysus for that.”
DISCLAIMER: I always rate books based off their specific (sub)genre and my expectations of it. Because this is a literal 100ish page sentient object paranormal romance my expectations were a having a giggle. Not a quality literary experience or a full, in-depth story with immersive worldbuilding. Don’t try and compare the two!!
July 5, 2026
My first ruler-romance. It wasn’t so bad as it sounds. Highlighted many things - just like sharpie in his previous life. Had a laugh or two. Would recommend.
June 11, 2026
That was...a book. I guess.
Genuinely I read this with a friend for fun and expected nothing. The smut in this - ridiculous premise aside - is actually not terrible. It's very straight and has kind of fanfiction vibes but it was fine.
The actual lore of this was fascinating. Genuinely terrible. Why is there such an emphasis on trying cake. Also, I think the ending is set-up for the second book - which I won't be reading - but WHY. Just strange.
Genuinely I read this with a friend for fun and expected nothing. The smut in this - ridiculous premise aside - is actually not terrible. It's very straight and has kind of fanfiction vibes but it was fine.
The actual lore of this was fascinating. Genuinely terrible. Why is there such an emphasis on trying cake. Also, I think the ending is set-up for the second book - which I won't be reading - but WHY. Just strange.
Read
July 17, 2026Perfect length, both figuratively and literally ;)
“I run through a list of possibilities: Sex (obvious—well, it is now, anyway), measuring things (already did that), making more toast (appealing, but repetitive).”
“I run through a list of possibilities: Sex (obvious—well, it is now, anyway), measuring things (already did that), making more toast (appealing, but repetitive).”
June 12, 2026
This is the first book we read for our smutty book club. Our goal is to keep it light, happy, and anxiety free. This fit the bill perfectly.
It opens with Alice getting the weirdest phone call from her mom hours before her 27th birthday explaining the family "curse". If she Curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to see exactly how deep Weirdness ensues and she ends up with a
At only hours Alice finally comes to the realization that she has Alice decides that the best way to introduce a newly They spend a good portion of the day making and eating I thought this was a wonderful way to introduce someone to life. The story kinds ends with Alice understanding that Gage needs help Gage then asks Alice to not Gage suggests to Alice that
I didn't like that Alice's mom and other female family members over the age of 27 have
Anyway, what object would you choose?
It opens with Alice getting the weirdest phone call from her mom hours before her 27th birthday explaining the family "curse". If she Curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to see exactly how deep Weirdness ensues and she ends up with a
At only hours Alice finally comes to the realization that she has Alice decides that the best way to introduce a newly They spend a good portion of the day making and eating I thought this was a wonderful way to introduce someone to life. The story kinds ends with Alice understanding that Gage needs help Gage then asks Alice to not Gage suggests to Alice that
I didn't like that Alice's mom and other female family members over the age of 27 have
Anyway, what object would you choose?
July 12, 2026
my gf and I read it as a joke. bro this is not a joke anymore. that was genuinely touching. beyond the INSANE premise, it’s a moving story about learning to be human and be in a relationship with someone else. like not kidding I almost cried. I have absolutely read “romance” books with less character depth and development. definitely a thinker and one to discuss with friends.
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July 17, 2026How did I get here?
Read
July 17, 2026i am endeared (??????!!)
Read
July 16, 2026most cursed buddy read of all time thank you Katelyn and Monica
June 29, 2026
inch resting! 4.2 stars. (puns fully intended.)
thank you, em, for making me aware of this surrealistic gaumenschmauß. this review is dedicated to you.
what if… you were part human, part calculator watch… and your mum called you the night before your 27th birthday… to tell you the women in your family can turn objects into beings… with your magic vagina… so you shove a ruler inside of you…
this book was so weird, funny, and well-written! i really enjoyed it except for the ending.
hope my mum calls me up in 2027.
to conclude my review, here are some of my favourite funny quotes (spoilers ahead):
“Mom, why the heck would you shove a calculator watch up there to begin with?”
I shake myself, close the laptop lid—which turns off the music—and march into the kitchen, daring myself not to think about the wine bottle sexually as I pour myself more wine.
later, her mum: “So, what did you use? Knowing you, it was a wine bottle.”
I bet this ruler would be hung like a ruler... literally. […] I wish I could say I wasn’t considering fucking this ruler. But...I’m considering fucking this ruler. […] Fuck it. I’m gonna fuck it.
”Your cousin Ansley’s husband, the divorce lawyer, he was a wedding cake knife, anyway, he came with a degree from Yale and Harvard! Can you believe it?” Oh, my God, I hope she used the handle.
”[…] I could turn the vibrator into a human right now.”
He looks horrified. “Absolutely not the vibrator.”
I laugh. “Do you have beef with my vibrator?”
“Yes, it is a dick—literally and derogatorily.”
thank you, em, for making me aware of this surrealistic gaumenschmauß. this review is dedicated to you.
what if… you were part human, part calculator watch… and your mum called you the night before your 27th birthday… to tell you the women in your family can turn objects into beings… with your magic vagina… so you shove a ruler inside of you…
this book was so weird, funny, and well-written! i really enjoyed it except for the ending.
hope my mum calls me up in 2027.
to conclude my review, here are some of my favourite funny quotes (spoilers ahead):
“Mom, why the heck would you shove a calculator watch up there to begin with?”
I shake myself, close the laptop lid—which turns off the music—and march into the kitchen, daring myself not to think about the wine bottle sexually as I pour myself more wine.
later, her mum: “So, what did you use? Knowing you, it was a wine bottle.”
I bet this ruler would be hung like a ruler... literally. […] I wish I could say I wasn’t considering fucking this ruler. But...I’m considering fucking this ruler. […] Fuck it. I’m gonna fuck it.
”Your cousin Ansley’s husband, the divorce lawyer, he was a wedding cake knife, anyway, he came with a degree from Yale and Harvard! Can you believe it?” Oh, my God, I hope she used the handle.
”[…] I could turn the vibrator into a human right now.”
He looks horrified. “Absolutely not the vibrator.”
I laugh. “Do you have beef with my vibrator?”
“Yes, it is a dick—literally and derogatorily.”
July 14, 2026
Im genuinely surprised, i read this for the shits and giggles but i ended up being more entertained than i thought 😂😩
Brb going to read book 2
Brb going to read book 2
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June 24, 2026
3.5 rounded up. Gage pmo quite a bit and the smut was just excessive but otherwise it was cute
July 6, 2026
In her lastest book, Imogen Knowed tackles the infamous question: what inanimate object would you turn into a real person, if your vagina had magical powers?
The answer may shock you.
The answer may shock you.
February 4, 2026
Rating: 5/5⭐️
Spice: 4.5/5 🌶️
Romance: 4.5/5 🥀
What happens when your family line is cursed to turn any object you F--k to life?
You get Gage. The sentient blue plastic ruler who is know a human and measuring everything and anything.
Honestly this was such a cute read.
Gage is such an adorable dork with all his nerd talk. And Alice is such a "f--k it" character.
If you're looking for a cute little read then this is your book. Don't take everything literal (like Gage). Just enjoy the wholesome story. And maybe ask questions about Abacus and Alice's sister's husband.
I hope Imogen continues this series! It's just soooo wholesome.
Spice: 4.5/5 🌶️
Romance: 4.5/5 🥀
What happens when your family line is cursed to turn any object you F--k to life?
You get Gage. The sentient blue plastic ruler who is know a human and measuring everything and anything.
Honestly this was such a cute read.
Gage is such an adorable dork with all his nerd talk. And Alice is such a "f--k it" character.
If you're looking for a cute little read then this is your book. Don't take everything literal (like Gage). Just enjoy the wholesome story. And maybe ask questions about Abacus and Alice's sister's husband.
I hope Imogen continues this series! It's just soooo wholesome.
April 8, 2026
The family birthday secret
Mere hours before your birthday and you get a call from Mom. You certainly never expected her to tell you that the family curse goes into effect at midnight. She leaves you with a warning which is basically if you F**k it they will come.
Now you're all wound up and trying to see what every objects pros and cons might be. The more you think about it the crazier it seems but also you get wound tighter. Finally you grab the ruler just to see what could be long enough to activate.
With a memory in mind of disappointing encounters you decide to test this bogus claim and go with the ruler. Imagine your surprise when a bit later that little blue ruler is suddenly a stunning man with a foot long he plans to use.
I freaking love that the personality matches the item. Gage is now your responsibility and he needs to be sure he measures up.
This book was so much fun to read. Really makes you wonder what the pros and cons would be for items.
Alice teaching Gage all the things he needs to know now was a pleasure to read. From basic things like eating, drinking and sleeping to the more fun things like masturbation.
Mere hours before your birthday and you get a call from Mom. You certainly never expected her to tell you that the family curse goes into effect at midnight. She leaves you with a warning which is basically if you F**k it they will come.
Now you're all wound up and trying to see what every objects pros and cons might be. The more you think about it the crazier it seems but also you get wound tighter. Finally you grab the ruler just to see what could be long enough to activate.
With a memory in mind of disappointing encounters you decide to test this bogus claim and go with the ruler. Imagine your surprise when a bit later that little blue ruler is suddenly a stunning man with a foot long he plans to use.
I freaking love that the personality matches the item. Gage is now your responsibility and he needs to be sure he measures up.
This book was so much fun to read. Really makes you wonder what the pros and cons would be for items.
Alice teaching Gage all the things he needs to know now was a pleasure to read. From basic things like eating, drinking and sleeping to the more fun things like masturbation.
June 17, 2026
✨✨BOOK REVIEW✨✨
There were times reading this book where I thought I was going a little ✨✨crazy✨✨I love how deep the lore goes behind the FMCs family and how most of the men in the family used to be objects.
I’m not sure why but my little brain made Gage look like Jeff Goldblum in the 80s, think like the fly Jeff Goldblum when the chick asks if he’s some sort of magician and he whispers yes… so Gage was so fucking HOTT!! He is absolutely obsessed with Alice! The tension between these two is just so insane!! The fact that he’s built perfectly for her 😩🤌
There are also so many fantastic lines in this book that had me laughing out loud! I love how nonchalant Alice’s mom was in telling her about the women in her families magical “gift” and how it works. Also the realization that Alice’s dad used to be a watch had me cackling especially when Alice recounts all the ways it adds up and how it’s crazy she didn’t realize it sooner.
I loved everything about this book! I have recommended Gage to all my close friends that read SOR this book is currently available on KU! If you want to read something that will have you questioning your sanity, give you a good chuckle and keep you throughly entertained this is a great option!
There were times reading this book where I thought I was going a little ✨✨crazy✨✨I love how deep the lore goes behind the FMCs family and how most of the men in the family used to be objects.
I’m not sure why but my little brain made Gage look like Jeff Goldblum in the 80s, think like the fly Jeff Goldblum when the chick asks if he’s some sort of magician and he whispers yes… so Gage was so fucking HOTT!! He is absolutely obsessed with Alice! The tension between these two is just so insane!! The fact that he’s built perfectly for her 😩🤌
There are also so many fantastic lines in this book that had me laughing out loud! I love how nonchalant Alice’s mom was in telling her about the women in her families magical “gift” and how it works. Also the realization that Alice’s dad used to be a watch had me cackling especially when Alice recounts all the ways it adds up and how it’s crazy she didn’t realize it sooner.
I loved everything about this book! I have recommended Gage to all my close friends that read SOR this book is currently available on KU! If you want to read something that will have you questioning your sanity, give you a good chuckle and keep you throughly entertained this is a great option!
June 25, 2026
Short sweet and surprisingly emotional
While this book is as weirdly smutty as you expect. It also contains a surprising amount of emotional depth. Sadness, loneliness, anxiety and existential dread its kind of amazing how many feelings this bedtime read had me feeling. Read it definitely read it but don't be surprised if it has you feeling more than you expect
While this book is as weirdly smutty as you expect. It also contains a surprising amount of emotional depth. Sadness, loneliness, anxiety and existential dread its kind of amazing how many feelings this bedtime read had me feeling. Read it definitely read it but don't be surprised if it has you feeling more than you expect
June 25, 2026
For a book that on the surface seemed to be about weird sex fantasies, it was surprisingly existential
June 26, 2026
yall know I love a sentient romance book
June 27, 2026
Surprisingly wholesome. Kinda cute but very weird story. Is it a good book? No. Was it vibes? Sure 😂
July 11, 2026
I saw it on TikTok and got intrigued, the only thing I’ll say is it definitely got me out of my reading slump. 😭📏
August 4, 2026
I started to read this as a joke but I got really invested and now I'm about to read the second one
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August 7, 2026I’ve got no words other than I finished this book 😂 and was entertained
The book was measured and precisely short and sweet
The book was measured and precisely short and sweet
August 8, 2026
This was actually hilariously bizarre! Fun little read!
July 16, 2026
This was really funny and I won’t be elaborating further.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews