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Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share―and What to Keep to Yourself
Should I ask an upset colleague what's wrong?
Should I tell my bestie the truth when she asks about her new haircut?
Should I tell my boss about my personal struggles?
Should I apologize, even though it wasn't my fault?
Should I tell my friend her spouse is cheating on her?
Should I tell my classmate I got the job we both applied for?
We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all. In Should I Say Something? social psychologist and organizational behavior expert Vanessa Bohns explores how to make informed decisions about when to express something and when to keep things to ourselves. Making the case for this vital communication skill, Bohns helps us determine the difference between oversharing and showing appropriate vulnerability, ultimately helping us to find support, feel less alone, and gain perspective.
Grounded in social psychological research, this book serves as a field guide for navigating moments of doubt about whether to say something. Bohns examines common inner conflicts, such as asking ourselves if we should be honest, apologize, or hold back in an interaction. Highly entertaining and eminently practical, Should I Say Something? addresses a modern-day pain point—social rejection and the fear of being disliked, offending others, or getting cancelled—and offers concrete solutions to help readers avoid “sadfishing,” “success bombing,” “ghosting,” “love bombing,” “trauma dumping,” and more.
Should I tell my bestie the truth when she asks about her new haircut?
Should I tell my boss about my personal struggles?
Should I apologize, even though it wasn't my fault?
Should I tell my friend her spouse is cheating on her?
Should I tell my classmate I got the job we both applied for?
We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all. In Should I Say Something? social psychologist and organizational behavior expert Vanessa Bohns explores how to make informed decisions about when to express something and when to keep things to ourselves. Making the case for this vital communication skill, Bohns helps us determine the difference between oversharing and showing appropriate vulnerability, ultimately helping us to find support, feel less alone, and gain perspective.
Grounded in social psychological research, this book serves as a field guide for navigating moments of doubt about whether to say something. Bohns examines common inner conflicts, such as asking ourselves if we should be honest, apologize, or hold back in an interaction. Highly entertaining and eminently practical, Should I Say Something? addresses a modern-day pain point—social rejection and the fear of being disliked, offending others, or getting cancelled—and offers concrete solutions to help readers avoid “sadfishing,” “success bombing,” “ghosting,” “love bombing,” “trauma dumping,” and more.
- GenresNonfiction
256 pages, Hardcover
Published October 6, 2026
About the author
Vanessa Bohns
4 books48 followersVanessa Bohns is a social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. She holds a PhD in psychology from Columbia University and an AB from Brown University. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and other outlets, and her research has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Economist, and on NPR's Hidden Brain.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
September 10, 2026
thank you to Grand Central Publishing for access to this ARC through Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
if i were ever asked to describe this book in as few words as possible, i would jokingly say: “it’s like a gamer’s guide to min-maxing their social interactions.” there’s a huge focus on how our words can influence different things in our life, such as our job prospects, and our pay at this prospective job.
but this book contains so much more. Dr. Bohn’s voice comes through in writing very well. there are jokes and witty sentences, but it’s all centered around the psychology and the research she’s referencing.
and speaking of references and citations, i love that there are so many citations in this book. nowadays, it can be difficult to differentiate appealing rhetorical and storytelling devices from actual research backed science. there are so many people who just say things with their whole chest, but like… where’s your proof? Dr. Bohns has based this entire text on research and i cannot express just how much i appreciate that.
with how well written and well researched, along with being an entertaining and educational read, i had to give it a solid five stars. and while not all of the information is going to be applied to my own life, boy howdy did i like learning about all of it!
if i were ever asked to describe this book in as few words as possible, i would jokingly say: “it’s like a gamer’s guide to min-maxing their social interactions.” there’s a huge focus on how our words can influence different things in our life, such as our job prospects, and our pay at this prospective job.
but this book contains so much more. Dr. Bohn’s voice comes through in writing very well. there are jokes and witty sentences, but it’s all centered around the psychology and the research she’s referencing.
and speaking of references and citations, i love that there are so many citations in this book. nowadays, it can be difficult to differentiate appealing rhetorical and storytelling devices from actual research backed science. there are so many people who just say things with their whole chest, but like… where’s your proof? Dr. Bohns has based this entire text on research and i cannot express just how much i appreciate that.
with how well written and well researched, along with being an entertaining and educational read, i had to give it a solid five stars. and while not all of the information is going to be applied to my own life, boy howdy did i like learning about all of it!
August 29, 2026
There’s been plenty of times in my life that I look back with a grimace: “why did I say that?!”
Welcome to “Should I Say Something”. Bohns breaks down the research behind many of our potential communication faux pas. Should we share our good news or bad news? Is it better to be honest or kind, and are those mutually exclusive? Should I ask whatever is nagging me? Should I say I love you? Those and many more scenarios are covered in this book.
Bohns makes sociology and psychology fun to digest. Each chapter ends with key takeaways. The book gave great advice and lots of food for thought.
Thank you, NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for this eARC. “Should I Say Something” will be published on 10/6/2026.
Welcome to “Should I Say Something”. Bohns breaks down the research behind many of our potential communication faux pas. Should we share our good news or bad news? Is it better to be honest or kind, and are those mutually exclusive? Should I ask whatever is nagging me? Should I say I love you? Those and many more scenarios are covered in this book.
Bohns makes sociology and psychology fun to digest. Each chapter ends with key takeaways. The book gave great advice and lots of food for thought.
Thank you, NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for this eARC. “Should I Say Something” will be published on 10/6/2026.
October 9, 2026
This is one of the most insightful, delightful books I’ve read all year. Vanessa Bohns has a distinct ability to take a deceptively complicated question like “should I share my bad news,” sift through the latest research, and provide the reader with practical, actionable takeaways for their lives. My own copy of the book is filled with notes and underlined passages I’m certain to return to in the future. Highly recommended!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for this ARC
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Communication is one of those things that sounds simple until you’re actually in a difficult conversation. We’ve all had those moments where we replay what we said, wonder if we should have said something differently, or wish we had kept a thought to ourselves. This book really made me think about how often we speak without considering the impact of our words, and how much better our conversations could be if we were more intentional.
It tackles those everyday questions we all struggle with: When should I speak up? When is it better to stay quiet? How honest is too honest? And how do you have difficult conversations without making things worse?
What really worked for me was the balance between research and practical advice. There’s plenty of psychology and science behind the ideas, but it never reads like a textbook. Everything is broken down in a way that feels useful and, more importantly, doable. I found myself thinking about how I could actually apply these ideas in real conversations rather than simply agreeing with them and moving on.
I can already tell this is a book I’ll be coming back to, especially before difficult conversations when my brain starts rehearsing every possible scenario. I genuinely think every working professional could take something useful from it. I can't wait for the audiobook version.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Communication is one of those things that sounds simple until you’re actually in a difficult conversation. We’ve all had those moments where we replay what we said, wonder if we should have said something differently, or wish we had kept a thought to ourselves. This book really made me think about how often we speak without considering the impact of our words, and how much better our conversations could be if we were more intentional.
It tackles those everyday questions we all struggle with: When should I speak up? When is it better to stay quiet? How honest is too honest? And how do you have difficult conversations without making things worse?
What really worked for me was the balance between research and practical advice. There’s plenty of psychology and science behind the ideas, but it never reads like a textbook. Everything is broken down in a way that feels useful and, more importantly, doable. I found myself thinking about how I could actually apply these ideas in real conversations rather than simply agreeing with them and moving on.
I can already tell this is a book I’ll be coming back to, especially before difficult conversations when my brain starts rehearsing every possible scenario. I genuinely think every working professional could take something useful from it. I can't wait for the audiobook version.
Review of advance copy received from Author
So helpful when a book immediately improves real life outcomes like ‘Should I Say Something?’ does. Trying to navigate figuring out who needed to know what about some unexpected health issues, I was lucky to get an advance copy of ‘SISS?’ in late spring and I read it up in one day.
Feeling perpetually caught in disclosure dilemmas, it was like having training wheels that helped me stay oriented through the situation. The book met me where I was and helped me better consider and understand where others would be meeting me on the other side of sharing.
From the small, random connections (like indeed knowing someone who can’t help but use a sexy baby voice in too many situations) to the bigger ones, reading the book was like getting a chance to brainstorm with a wise, close friend.
Plus, all the step-by-step guides at the end of each chapter are more than enough to remember the lessons from the reading the preceding pages. Great reference and super accessible book for perennial ‘whether and what to share’ problems!
Feeling perpetually caught in disclosure dilemmas, it was like having training wheels that helped me stay oriented through the situation. The book met me where I was and helped me better consider and understand where others would be meeting me on the other side of sharing.
From the small, random connections (like indeed knowing someone who can’t help but use a sexy baby voice in too many situations) to the bigger ones, reading the book was like getting a chance to brainstorm with a wise, close friend.
Plus, all the step-by-step guides at the end of each chapter are more than enough to remember the lessons from the reading the preceding pages. Great reference and super accessible book for perennial ‘whether and what to share’ problems!
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
This book stands out in the crowded place of communication and self-help books because it provides very pin-pointed guidance about saying things in different situations. What I liked most was the reseach-backed detailed discussions about various aspects - like when, how, saying too little vs too much, how it might affect the speaker as well as receivers etc. Different situations included here are - sharing good news, sharing bad news, asking something, apologising, expressing love, being honest and interestingly situation where you don't know right thing to say.
Personally I found lot of value. Many books discuss conversations and communications as broad-brushed skills but fail to tease out the mechanics of "saying" things. Vanessa Bohns has bridged that gap. I enjoyed reading this and revisited many pages to understand nuances.
Book is easy to read. Summarised steps are provided at the end of every chapter.
Thanks Netgalley for and Grand Central Publishing for ARC!
Personally I found lot of value. Many books discuss conversations and communications as broad-brushed skills but fail to tease out the mechanics of "saying" things. Vanessa Bohns has bridged that gap. I enjoyed reading this and revisited many pages to understand nuances.
Book is easy to read. Summarised steps are provided at the end of every chapter.
Thanks Netgalley for and Grand Central Publishing for ARC!
October 6, 2026
Wait until you read the table of contents. You will be tantalized to pick up this book and you should. It is a fantastic follow-up to her first book with exceptional, practical details on how to communicate about secrets and those thoughts you wish you could share to someone else….if you had an assurance of a positive response.
Fantastic stories.
Solid science
Great writing.
Fantastic stories.
Solid science
Great writing.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I haven’t read a book this slowly in a long time, and I mean that as a compliment.
Should I Say Something? is packed with research, psychology, and practical advice that made me stop, reflect, and occasionally reread a page before moving on. As someone who tends to overthink conversations before they happen and then sometimes overshare once they do, I found this book incredibly relevant. It explores the questions we all wrestle with: What should I say? What should I keep to myself? And how do I say difficult things well?
What I appreciated most is that the advice is grounded in science without ever feeling dry or academic. The lessons are immediately applicable to real life, especially in the workplace, where knowing when to speak up, stay silent, offer feedback, or show vulnerability can have a lasting impact. Every working professional would benefit from this book. It gave me practical frameworks I can use immediately, both at work and in my personal relationships.
I can’t wait for more people to discover this book when it releases on October 6, 2026. I fully intend to buy copies for my entire team because the conversations it encourages are ones we all need to be having. Thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the advance reader copy. This is a book I’ll be revisiting often.
Should I Say Something? is packed with research, psychology, and practical advice that made me stop, reflect, and occasionally reread a page before moving on. As someone who tends to overthink conversations before they happen and then sometimes overshare once they do, I found this book incredibly relevant. It explores the questions we all wrestle with: What should I say? What should I keep to myself? And how do I say difficult things well?
What I appreciated most is that the advice is grounded in science without ever feeling dry or academic. The lessons are immediately applicable to real life, especially in the workplace, where knowing when to speak up, stay silent, offer feedback, or show vulnerability can have a lasting impact. Every working professional would benefit from this book. It gave me practical frameworks I can use immediately, both at work and in my personal relationships.
I can’t wait for more people to discover this book when it releases on October 6, 2026. I fully intend to buy copies for my entire team because the conversations it encourages are ones we all need to be having. Thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the advance reader copy. This is a book I’ll be revisiting often.
Review of advance copy received from Author
Another insightful, research-based book from author Vanessa Bohns that asks big questions and provides helpful takeaways that you can actually use. When to speak up and when not to is nuanced. The book is laid out in chapters that make it easy to understand when and why you should speak up or stay quiet. Since reading, I find myself approaching situations differently and with more confidence that I'll make the right decision. As in her previous book, the author has a great mix of rigorous research and anecdotes and stories to make that research come to life. Now I just need to wait for her next book!
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews