With the clarity and spiritual depth characteristic of the great spiritual classics, this religious bestseller lays out for today's Christian a perceptive and insightful plan for living the spiritual life and achieving the ultimate goal of that life: union with God.
Nowen views our spiritual "ascent" as evolving in three movements. The first, from loneliness to solitude, focuses on the spiritual life as it relates to the experience of our own selves. The second, from hostility to hospitality, deals with our spiritual life as a life for others. The third and final movement, from illusion to prayer, offers penetrating thoughts on the most mysterious relationship of all: our relationship to God. Throughout, the author's thesis is that the more we understand (and not simply bypass) our inner struggles, pains, and hostilities, the more fully and sensitively will we be able to embrace a prayerful, genuine spiritual life that is open as well to the needs of others.
Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers. Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential. Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways. Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century. Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.
Story: While Aryssa was away in California, I would walk to the park alone and sit on a bench beneath the trees. For two weeks I listened to the same birds, read the same book, and received a daily Howyadoing from a man walking his dog. I would end the day by calling Aryssa and reading passages from Reaching Out to her, telling her how Nouwen, more than any other author, knows my heart-cry, and that the book was doing a real number on me. Our call usually ended with her saying that she looked forward to hearing more tomorrow, after I spent more time in my "Contemplation Station" (her nickname for my bench). I loved that time, even though I missed Aryssa. Richard Rohr says that we enter spiritual maturity through great love and great suffering. While my love for Aryssa is small and my suffering from her absence was even smaller--that time beneath the trees, reading Nouwen and missing Aryssa, matured me into a more sensitive, attentive person, and I'm so thankful for it.
Review: I won't review this book for the same reason I won't review Thomas Merton's books. They're too special to name or analyze. I consider Reaching Out on par with Rowan Williams' Being Series, Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation and Thoughts in Solitude, as well as the mystical Catholic text The Cloud of Unknowing. Those books, as of now, form the tapestry of my faith, and I recommend them to everyone!
I've completed this, my first Nouwen book, with the conviction that I waited far too long to begin reading this author!
"Reaching Out" is a simple, straightforward, deep, and dense treatment of the inward, outward, and upward movements of the spiritual life. The inner movement (from loneliness to solitude) involves letting go of expectations from others, and being willing to be alone. Once contentment is found there, one can act in accordance with his/her deep desires, rather than reactively and impulsively.
The outer movement (from hostility to hospitality) follows from the inner movement. If we can avoid being desperate and impulsive, we can focus on others - and create free, receptive space for them to grow. Nouwen compares hospitality to parenting - not clinging or controlling, but enabling one's development and departure. He adds that church should not be a place of coercion and conformity, but feeding. Pastors should be not people with answers, but people who are able to listen.
Nouwen claims that the upward movent (from illusion to prayer) undergirds the other two. We must identify and release illusions such as the "immortality of our stuff," and certain dreams and expectations. Instead we must strive for true reality in prayer, while also receiving it as a gift. Nouwen recommends listening to Scripture, spending alone time with God, and having a spiritual guide. He also mentions developing a "heart prayer" through meditation/repetition, as well as communal prayer, which keeps us from becoming too narrow and sectarian.
All in all, you might not agree with every little point by Nouwen, but such an approach would be missing the point. Nouwen's strength is in his balanced perspective, where he somehow is able to present both sides of every issue on a consistent basis. He follows his own advice - he is heartfelt rather than reactionary, welcoming rather than divisive, and God-focused rather than oriented toward some lesser goal.
A must-read, for anyone with an appetite for soul-searching.
“Only few ‘happy endings’ make us happy, but often someone’s careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and painful conditions of life gives us new hope.”
“When we think about the people who have given us hope and have increased the strength of our soul, we might discover that they were not the advice givers, warners or moralists, but the few who were able to articulate in words and actions the human condition in which we participate and who encouraged us to face the realities of life. Preachers who reduce mysteries to problems and offer Band-Aid-type solutions are depressing because they avoid the compassionate solidarity out of which healing comes forth. But Tolstoy’s description of the complex emotions of Anna Karenina, driving her to suicide…, can give us a new sense of hope. Not because of any solution they offered but because of the courage to enter so deeply into human suffering and speak from there. Neither Kierkegaard nor Sartre nor Camus nor Hammarskjold not Solzhenitsyn has offered solutions, but many who read their words find new strength to pursue their own personal search. Those who do not run away from our pains but touch them with compassion bring healing and new strength. The paradox indeed is that the beginning of healing is in the solidarity with the pain. In our solution-oriented society it is more important than ever to realize that wanting to alleviate pain without sharing it is like wanting to save a child from a burning house without the risk of being hurt. It is in solitude that this compassionate solidarity takes its shape.”
“We will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive. Indeed, we discover our gifts in the eyes of the receiver.”
Nouwen is always good. Page 45 is one of the best things I’ve ever read. “It is the Christ in you, who recognizes the Christ in me. […] from now on wherever you go, or wherever I go, all the ground between us will be holy ground. And when he left I knew that he had revealed to me what community really means.”
Key idea: Nouwen teaches us how to convert our loneliness into solitude and our solitude into healing action.
First Movement: We are lonely as a society and we mask our loneliness by busyness. As Nouwen says, “We must find the courage to enter into the desert of loneliness and change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude” (Nouwen 34). Solitude allows us to listen to and enter into the troubles of others.
Love protects “and respects the aloneness of the other and creates a free space where he can convert his loneliness into solitude” (44).
Second movement: From Hostility to Hospitality
Hospitality is “a fundamental attitude toward our fellow human being” (67). It is a “creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy” (71).
Indeed, we resist these “open spaces,” those moments in which we have nothing to do
Nouwen has some good criticisms of the bureacratizing of education, though he would probably be horrified even more at today’s standardization model. In education we often give “solutions without the existence of a question” (85). Rather, the best thing I can do is a teacher is open a space for my students to grow.
Healing: “healing means, first of all, the creation of an empty but friendly space where those who suffer can tell their story to someone who can listen with real attention” (95). “We let strangers become sensitive and obedient to their own stories” (96). It is the “receiving and full understanding of the story so that strangers can recognize in the eyes of their host their own unique way that leads them to the present and suggests the direction in which to go.”
Lonely people cannot create the free spae they need.
Tozer said the difference between a scribe and a prophet is that the former writes of what he’s read, while the the latter goes into the presence of God and comes out speaking of what he has seen. Nouwin was the latter.
This book has an unspoken authority to it in how it discusses spiritual matters. The premise is that as followers of Jesus there are 3 necessary movements to the spiritual life. Moving from loneliness to solitude, hostility towards others to hospitality, and a mentality of illusion to prayer. Timeless and soul feeding.
Only reason this book doesn’t have a 5 review is that there are elements that stray from a sensitivity and experience with the Holy Spirit to what seems like ungrounded mysticism.
The late Henri Nouwen's works are always worth reading. I was surprised, however, when this book seemed to start off slowly for me. As I got into it, I realized that the first two "movements" of the book's title promise, "The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life," relate to things I've gone through some time ago (though I probably will again). The movement from loneliness to solitude is something that I've dealt with since I was a lonely / solitary child. The movement from hostility to hospitality has been a lifelong pursuit and one that I encourage now in others. But the movement from illusion to prayer got me right where I live.
As with his other books that I've read, Nouwen's writing here is full of simple wisdom, helpful illustrations, and poignant memories. His relatively early death has been a loss to all those who seek the spiritual path.
"Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place."
Henri Nouwen gets 5 stars no matter what out of principle!!!!!! But even if that weren't true, it'd still give 5 stars to this book (and Wounded Healer, I mean come on).
Simply beautiful. ‘Reaching Out’ has easily become a favorite of mine. Chapters 5 and 8 were particularly practical. I would certainly recommend this for anyone in a pastoral role, but also for anyone who is interested in growing in their spiritual life with Christ.
This book had a profound effect on me. I was open to hear what it had to say because I have enjoyed other books by Henri Nouwen. But the insights presented in this one have continued to stay with me … I finished it several weeks ago, and I am still making connections to the things he presented.
Nouwen describes three movements of the spiritual life: an inner movement, an outward movement (towards others), and a God-ward movement.
I appreciated the description of the personal, inward movement, from loneliness to solitude: “To live a spiritual life, we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness, and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude…” He goes on to describe what this movement looks like, which is such a healthy description of a well differentiated follower of Jesus: a person who is content enough in themselves in the Lord to invite others generously to be in relationship and enjoy life together (and not simply use or need people to satisfy an inner loneliness).
The second movement (towards others), from hostility to hospitality, probably had the most impact for me just now in my life. Hospitality describes an expression of love for our neighbor that is inspiring, and we can create this welcoming space in and out of our homes, because it is a friendly space for others to be themselves and share their stories, in a world that can often feel hostile and unwelcoming. We just have to overcome our own defensiveness to the hostility around us - which can be a tall order. Nouwen charges us: “In our world full of strangers, estranged from their own past, culture and country, from their neighbors, friends and family, from their deepest self and their God, we witness a painful search for a hospitable place where life can be found… The movement from hostility to hospitality is hard and full of difficulties. Our society seems to be increasingly full of fearful, defensive, aggressive people anxiously clinging to their property and inclined to look at their surrounding world with suspicion, always expecting an enemy to suddenly appear, intrude and do harm. But still – that is our vocation: to convert the “hostis” into a “hospes”, the enemy into a guest, and to create the free and fearless space where brotherhood and sisterhood can be formed and fully experienced.” You’ll have to read his suggestions and insights for this movement - they are thoughtful and inspiring.
The last movement, he says, is the most foundational: it is the God-ward movement, from illusion to prayer. He asserts that we tend to live in illusions (and he supports his assertion well), and he suggests that only through the humility that comes through genuine, dependent prayer can we move out of these and towards God.
The book is more thought-provoking than it is pragmatic, but there are meaningful things to apply and plenty of connections to make. I recommend!
I first started reading this book in Spain, after finishing my first Camino, when my hosts recommended it based on the experiences I had shared. I’ve read it in pieces throughout the past two years, and each time it’s struck me in a different way and reframed my perspective on self, life, relationship, and faith. This book has changed my life and shaped my theology.
The most profound aspect for me has been Nouwen’s focus on solitude. In my twenties, I’ve come back to these passages time and again and have referenced them in countless conversations. I can’t separate the growth I experienced during my time in Spain and the most formative parts of these past years from the lessons in this book. I’m sure I’ll be looking back at my underlines and notes in the margins for years.
Thoughtful and thought-provoking. I appreciate the somewhat juxtaposed realism and spirituality. Nouwen's voice is honest and therapeutic. He doesn't pretend life is easy; he responds to loneliness, hostility, and illusion, with succinct direction towards God.
What a book! Nouwen's writing on the movement from loneliness to solitude was so convicting. A bit "disconcertingly vague" at times, as my mother would put it, but overall a wonderful little book for spiritual growth.
This remarkably slim book was my first entrance into Henri Nouwen’s writing. The overall structure of the book consists of these three movements from one disposition to another, much like opposing poles on a magnet.
The first movement, from loneliness to solitude, was one of the more ambiguous ones. Perhaps it’s my deep-seated Presbyterian/Calvinist leanings that cause me to struggle with the language of “inner life” and “deepest voice of yourself”. Regardless, I do think that by the end of the movement I was beginning to understand what he was getting at with the term “solitude”. From my poor perspective, solitude consisted of creating a space both physical and spiritual in which tensions can dwell without troubling your mind. Nouwen referred several times to the modern, insatiable drive to find solutions for every problem and tension that exists in our life. Solitude seems to refer to the ability to live at peace with those inherent tensions within yourself.
The second movement, from hostility to hospitality, had some insightful connections as well, particularly hospitality’s connection to solitude. To be able to truly welcome in the stranger, a certain peace is require within yourself - this understanding that you are a fallen, paradoxical person. A lack of peace can cause you to place undue burden on the guest to fulfill unspoken expectations; which they will inevitably fail since they are a fallen, paradoxical person as well. I found this to be very helpful wisdom both when I am a host and a guest.
The third movement, from illusion to prayer, was important but not groundbreaking. Nouwen sets up prayer as the language of the believer and the church. The opposite of illusion would be reality, and prayer is the posture from which the believer and the church as a community should understand what reality is. To truly take a posture of prayer informs our understanding of who we are in light of God, to whom we pray, and to understand others. This in turn informs how we find solitude and enact gracious hospitality.
Overall, it was a good little book. There were moments of good insight and also sections of extended anecdote which I didn’t care for. I imagine I will read Nouwen again, but this book didn’t exactly increase my interest drastically.
This book was humbling and enlightening for me; it articulated many thoughts and goals for a faith-led community and focuses on the three movements: from loneliness to solitude, from hostility to hospitality, and from illusion to prayer. A relatively short book, simple and clear to understand yet profound in what it puts forward.
"One way to bring all that is written in the following pages together is to say that the spiritual life is a reaching out to our innermost self, to our fellow human beings and to our God. "Reaching out" indeed expresses best the mood and the intention of this book. In the midst of a turbulent, often chaotic, life we are called to reach out, with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God. To do that, however, we have to face and explore directly our inner restlessness, our mixed feelings toward others and our deep-seated suspicions about the absence of God."
The call / challenge to dive into this cycle of life: reach in in order to reach out, and to reach out in order to reach in.
Doesn’t feel right to rank this one with the star-system; a good quiet read, especially the first two sections on loneliness/solitude and hostility/hospitality; Nouwen’s books repeat themselves often and also state the obvious, but I always find surprising new gems in his simple-seeming books.
Been thinking a lot about my philosophy of teaching lately, and he says beautiful things here about teacher as host, class as a space of hospitality: “A good host is the one who believes that his guest is carrying a promise he wants to reveal to anyone who shows genuine interest. It is so easy to impress students with books they have not read, with terms they have not heard, or with situations with which they are unfamiliar. It is much more difficult to be a receiver who can help the students to distinguish carefully between the wheat and the weeds in their own lives and to show the beauty of the gifts they are carrying with them.” (87)
Since I started reading this book I have reccomended it to over ten different people. We will be in the middle of friendly conversation and they will say something that will spark a connection to something I had read in the book and instantly I know that the answer they are looking for is found. In life there is a time where you realize the person you are and the person you want to be. This book embodies the person I want to be. The growth I want to achieve in my faith. This book doesn't provide you with an end result. Instead it acts as a guide, bringing together life examples and works from other authors to share in the journey of spiritual growth.
I've loved every second of this book. It's an easy read that expands your vision of what it means to be a christian, your idea of relationships, your view of prayer and how you interact with the world. If you want to have your eyes opened to areas of spiritual growth, this is the book to do it.
Five stars for the fact I read this with a black pen in my hand, finished it, and immediately picked up a blue pen to mark different things on my second turn.
In Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen describes the spiritual life as three movements: from loneliness to solitude, hostility to hospitality, and illusion to prayer. He challenges readers to be at peace with themselves, to create a true place of welcome for others, and to let go of the illusions that keep us from real communion with God.
I especially appreciated his thoughts on hospitality—not just opening our homes but opening our hearts. He speaks specifically of hospitality in relationships between parent and child, teacher and student, and caregiver and patient. He put words to ideas I’ve held but haven’t seen articulated elsewhere, and I truly appreciated that.
His insights on solitude also stood out, particularly the idea that we have to be at peace with ourselves before we can truly welcome others, and also the warning that we will only hurt others if we are trying to show hospitality as a balm to our loneliness.
The last section, on illusion and prayer, was harder to grasp. My main takeaway was that we need to set aside our daydreams and false ideas about ourselves and God in order to truly seek Him in prayer. And that solitude and hospitality, no matter how well-practiced, will never bear fruit if they aren’t grounded in prayer.
I didn’t always agree with him, and there were parts I wasn’t sure I fully understood, but overall, this book gave me a lot to think about. A thoughtful, reflective read.
Nouwen was a gentle and fresh voice to hear in a year of not much theological/spiritual reading. In fact, I'm always impressed by his gentleness and humility, all while sharing deep and vital truths.
This book receives 5 stars simply because it resonated with me and communicated simple and profound truths in a very accessible way. Nouwen was sometimes vague or went on a tangent I didn't follow well...sometimes I thought he overspiritualized things and sometimes I wasn't on board fully with his conclusions. But as with talking with a good and true friend, I felt as if Nouwen was creating a space for sincere questions, seeking, pilgrimage, and community within the pages of this book. He invites readers to listen in as he shares his own revelations; he does not demand readers to cosign his doctrine or opinions. Therefore, I felt invited to see myself, others, and God more honestly through this book and Nouwen's tender offerings of wisdom.
There is much in this book that I needed to hear, and much that I know I will continually need to hear forever probably. So this review is, more than anything, a note to self: return to this book often!
The sections on loneliness are absolute gold. The final chapter of the hospitality section is also very, very good. There's a good deal of meandering in between. Some of it needs to be chewed on for a while, particularly the last section. Another solid Nouwen book.
A few of my favorite quotes:
"Pornography...is intimacy for sale" (25).
Our superficial language of welcoming "is a language that reveals the desire to be close and receptive but that in our society sadly fails to heal the pains of our loneliness, because the real pain is felt where we can hardly allow anyone to enter" (26).
"Friendship and love cannot develop in the form of an anxious clinging to each other. They ask for gentle fearless space in which we can move to and from each other" (30).
"Preachers who reduce mysteries to problems and offer Band-Aid-type solutions are depressing because they avoid the compassionate solidarity out of which healing comes forth" (61).
"When we feel lonely we have such a need to be liked and loved that we are hypersensitive to the many signals in our environment and easily become hostile toward anyone whom we perceive as rejecting us" (102).
First two sections sound very worldly and mystic, approaching an endorsement of Eastern mysticism. But hang in there, the last section brings it together under biblical principals, with plenty of scripture references.
However, the focus on Hesychasm in the discussion of prayer tilts back towards the east again.
Nouwen states at the beginning that he doesn't provide answers. I think he is presenting a framework for spiritual formation that has many helpful ideas, but also some dangerous ones.
I feel like if I was to talk with him directly, I would have a better understanding and connection with what he is trying to say.
I think it's an easy book to misinterpret, and appropriate to one's own way of thinking instead of understanding and incorporating Nouwen's ideas as he intends them. But it seems to me that some of his intentions stray from orthodox Christianity. I am always challenged to think about my own theology when I read Nouwen's books because he speaks in ways that I am uncomfortable with.
It is a good book to help one think about one's relationship with God, others, and oneself.
Great book of practical Christian spirituality. Nouwen divides the Christian spiritual life into three movements, from isolation and into solitude, from hostility and into hospitality, and from illusion into prayer. Each movement receives three short chapters that explain the movement and give practical advice for achieving it.
This book is unquestionably modern. While Nouwen was Catholic and steeped in the Tradition of the Church, he himself was a modern man and in this book is interested in personal enlightenment. If you are at the beginning of a spiritual journey, this book is an excellent place to start. But you should not end here. It is too simplistic and too distanced from his own life to be of real service as you go deeper into spiritual life.
I was very thankful for this energizing & thought-provoking quick read. In an age of "me-centered" culture, Reaching Out was both challenging and refreshing. Nouwen pushed me to think differently about cultivating solitude rather than accepting loneliness... which is super relevant during an isolating pandemic! His chapters on hospitality did make me long for social gatherings but were inspiring too - to keep seeking out and serving others in creative ways.
I’m a Nouwen fan for sure. His writings give me a physical ache for a deep prayer life
This was rly good. I am moved most by 2 things: (1) while it seems that the answer to loneliness is community, the true answer to loneliness is solitude. Only someone in peaceful solitude can fruitfully enter into community. (2) hospitality is a space for friendship and freedom - I am most at home when I am free to be myself - and Jesus too must be free to be himself in my home
4.5 Solitude over loneliness, hospitality over hostility, prayer over illusion—the three spiritual movements. A really lovely reflection in a very Nouwen manner. Worth returning to.
His note on the way sentimentality and violence often coexist really struck me. Our self-delusions are powerful and require our honest confrontation with the exile of our bodies. Only from that place of emptiness can we encounter space for God to reside.
Really love Henry Nouwen’s work but this was not my favorite. An aside, this is the 3rd book I’ve read with reference to Philippe Petit, the man who walked a tightrope between the two World Trade Centers.
I think this is probably a much better book than I experienced as I read it. My sense is that in a different season of life or mind-frame I would gain much more from it. It won't hold me back from reaching for more Henri Nouwen books, though.
Helpful book for broadening my perspective on what it truly means to lead a life in Christ, from the very innermost and mysterious to the outward and practical. Some real gems here, which definitely makes it worth picking up.
At first I wasn't completely enamored with this book, but when I finally reached the third section moving from illusion to prayer, I finally understood the logic with bringing the most important part at the end. The first two sections don't really make sense until you get the third section.