I Belong to Me: A Survivor’s Guide to Recovery and Hope after Religious Trauma

by Tia Levings (Author, Narrator)

What does it mean to heal from trauma caused by the people, beliefs, and practices of your faith? And to rebuild a sense of self, when high-control religion said you shouldn’t have one?

Indoctrinated from early childhood to obey, conform, and want what others wanted for her, Tia Levings learned love and acceptance meant being someone other than herself.

After years of abuse in a violent marriage and high-control religion, Tia Levings escaped with her children (a story told in her memoir, A Well-Trained Wife) and thought the hardest was behind her.

But leaving was just the beginning.

With an audacious persistence to reclaim her life, Tia set off on a 15-year quest to psychological peace. The result is an emotionally regulated, actualized, self-aware woman who is able to tell her harrowing story without retraumatizing herself —a woman who can reach back to help others claim what’s theirs. If trauma took your past, it shouldn't get your present and future too.

Through a series of personal stories, therapeutic stages, and resources, Tia Levings guides readers through the journey that helped her leave abuse, rediscover selfhood, and heal her mind, soul, and body after religious trauma —so that you can too.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Religion, Self Help, Biography, Spirituality

10 pages, Audiobook

Published May 5, 2026

About the author

Tia Levings is the New York Times Bestselling author of A Well-Trained Wife, her memoir of escape from Christian Patriarchy. She writes about the realities of religious trauma and the Trad wife life, decoding the fundamentalist influences in our news and culture. Her work and quotes have appeared in Teen Vogue, Salon, the Huffington Post, and Newsweek. She also appeared in the hit Amazon docu-series, Shiny Happy People. Based in North Carolina, she is mom to four incredible adults and likes to travel, hike, paint, and daydream. Find her on social media @TiaLevingsWriter and TiaLevings.Substack.com. Her second book releases with St. Martin’s Essentials May 5, 2026.

Reviews

[Corinne’s Chapter Chatter · Rating 3 out of 5]

I went into this expecting another deeply impactful experience like Tia Levings’ memoir… and instead found myself in very different territory.

Thank you to Macmillan Audio for the complimentary ALC via NetGalley. I am always here for an audio that makes me sit with my thoughts for a few days after finishing.

After letting this one settle, I ultimately decided to round my rating down to 3⭐️, mostly because parts of it left me uneasy.

I absolutely loved Levings’ memoir and rated it 5⭐️, so I went in assuming a similar experience—without realizing this leans firmly into the self-help space. And while I’m not the target audience, I can still approach it objectively.

There’s a lot here that I do support. Her discussions around breaking free from restrictive, controlling, and harmful religious environments are important, validating, and, without question, necessary for many readers. That aspect alone will likely make this book meaningful for the people who truly need it.

However… this is where my social work brain kicked in.

Some of the guidance began to cross a line for me, particularly when it veered into making broad assumptions about individuals and situations that really require nuanced, professional support. While I understand that this can be a common trait of the self-help genre, there were moments where it felt like advice was being given in areas that should be handled with far more care and expertise.

That said, I do think her personal experiences are powerful. As a starting point, they can absolutely help readers reflect on their own situations and potentially recognize harmful patterns in their lives.

I just strongly believe that this kind of book works best as a launching point—not a substitute for professional guidance.

So for me, this lands squarely in the middle. Valuable in parts, concerning in others.

And yes… I’ll stop there before I start debating whether self-help books can even have spoilers 😅

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tia Levings new book "I Belong to Me" was filled with encouragement, validation, and support for those who have suffered abuse. Tia did a great job explaining the connections of emotional and religious trauma, and how it impacts a person's autonomy and agency. She shares the different aspects of abuse, naming spiritual, emotional/psychological, physical, sexual, and financial as clear indicators of abusive traits. How this type of abuse, especially spiritual, can impact a person is very damaging, and she spent a great deal of time in her book giving many wonderful therapeutic tools on managing the trauma effects from abuse. The book was very validating, and she focused on the truths that God made each person with love and value. We are all worthy. Being told by patriarchal systems or personalities, such as in marriage, that you are less-than, and using scripture as a weaponization/tool, is clearly one of the very worst types of abuse. I would recommend this book to anyone who has suffered under a high-control religion or in a marriage/family that skews and twists scripture for personal benefit, as the destruction done to those who have suffered such abuse is a long journey of healing and requires compassion, grace, and understanding to reclaim who you were meant to be in the image of God.

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the advanced review copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

[Anne Jisca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tia understands religious trauma. She has lived in. She has worked through therapy to learn to cope and live well despite it. It's obvious in her writing that she has done the work. Her words, her advice, her resources are from a place of understanding and love. Tia writes from a caring, empathetic heart, and it shows through her writing.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sorry to say that this is a DNF for me.

Went into it thinking I was going to really be enthralled, as I was with her first book…
Instead I’m finding it hard to listen to. Just a totally different kind of book, and not something that interests me.

I guess if you are looking for more of a Self Help book, then this is for you.
But for me, I thought it would be a kind of continuation of her first book… but it is not.

Kudos to the author for standing on her own two feet and getting herself and her kids out of a bad situation!

But, I will not be finishing this one….
I feel like there are way too many books that I WANT to read, and this is not one for me.

#IBelongToMe by Tia Levings, and read by the author.

2 1/2 stars for me, rounded up to 3. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

*** This one releases TODAY, so keep your eyes 👀 open for it if this seems like something you’d like! ***

Thanks so much to #NetGalley and @MacmillanAudio for an ALC of the audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

You can also find my reviews on: Goodreads,
Instagram: @BookReviews_with_emsr and/or
My Facebook Book Club: Book Reviews With Elaine

Thanks so much for reading! And if you ‘liked’ my review, please share with your friends, & click ‘LIKE’ below… And, let me know YOUR thoughts if you read it!!

And as always, thanks for reading along with me! 📚⭐️📖🩷

[Amy Jo McMahon]

Tia has done a lot of work to heal and grow from her religious trauma. While many of the experiences that were discussed were not applicable to me, it is important to learn about the experiences of people who were a part of the evangelical and/or Christian nationalist movement. I love how Tia discussed the role of the patriarchal structures of churches, and how we have enabled these men to run our government.

I grew up Catholic and while my parents did not shove religion down my throat, there are inherent patriarchal and superiority-complex messages imbedded in organized religion. The discussion and analysis of purity culture definitely resonated with me and my experiences growing up.

It’s truly awful how many people end up wrapped up in a warped reality through religious cults. It’s also truly awful that we have a government that openly oppresses anyone who does not fit their white-Christian-conservative agenda. Thank you, Tia, for sharing your story and encouraging others to get out, get help, and grow.

[Barbara Powell · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who is dealing with church hurt, I read the synopsis for this and thought I was really going to get a lot out of this book. I appreciate the way the author was open about her experiences and her honesty about what she has been through, but I think I was expecting one thing, and got another. If this had been more about how she got through her own personal journey and not really how others can do it. Yes she puts thoughts there that I guess can be takeaways like in her 'coffee chat" section but it seems very much directed to her and not very far reaching. The reader doesnt feel very included, at least I didnt. as I couldnt relate to a lot of what she was referring to. despite being a conservative Christian almost all of my life. Maybe this should have been labeled more as a memoir instead of a help book and that would have made a little more sense. Maybe. I'm not sure.
Thanks to St. Martins Press and NetGalley for this eArc in exchange for my review

[Kristin Herrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Packed with information for anyone going through religious deconstruction or healing from religious trauma. A book I wish had been around 10 years ago when I first started my deconstruction journey. I didn’t feel like I, personally, got as much out of the book as I would have earlier in my journey, but I still found it beneficial in some ways. It’s a book that I could see reading multiple times and at different stages of life and being impacted in different ways every time you return to it. I would particularly recommend this book for people early in a religious deconstruction journey, but there is good information to be found here for pretty much everyone.

I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Darcia Helle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I BELONG TO ME is a sort of companion book to Tia Levings’ previous memoir, A WELL-TRAINED WIFE. You don’t have to read the first memoir, though I recommend taking the journey with her from the beginning.

We deep-dive into religious trauma, but the information really applies to any sort of trauma, particularly regarding abusive situations. We look at church-sanctioned domestic abuse, child abuse, and the silence culture of authoritarian-based religions.

This book will leave you with much to think about.

Tia Levings narrates the audiobook, and listening feels like sitting with a friend.

*Thanks to St. Martin’s Press (#SMPEarlyReaders) for the free ebook, provided via NetGalley, and to Macmillan Audio (#MacAudio2026) for the free audiobook download!*

[Janet Munroe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won an advanced copy of this book on a Goodreads giveaway.

I really appreciate Tia sharing her experience so openly and honestly. I do think she came across as someone who no longer believes in God. I guess I was expecting this book to be a bit different. Maybe with stories from more people and their journey. It must be great to have found the strength within yourself to turn your life around, definitely came across as a pat on her own back. Not that the therapists weren’t mentioned but God was dismissed in this process.

I can appreciate how difficult it is to write a book so I hate giving a low rating but this was a hard book to get through for me.

[Tor · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I started reading this book, I thought I would probably rate it 4 stars. I’m long out of my conservative Christian upbringing and self-help itself isn’t really my genre anyway, but something doesn’t have to be for me to at least still be good. I read her memoir and I really enjoyed it. But the more I read this, the more I kept revising it down.

I think this book would have been better as a memoir. We could have gotten a story of how she worked through her trauma, the various modalities of therapy and experience she’s had that got her to this point, and the reader could take from that whatever useful bits apply. But because it’s self-help, because the structure of the book is based around you, the reader, dealing with trauma, the fact that she is not any kind of expert on trauma or the wide breadth of survivors experiences makes this limiting, if not outright harmful in places.

She has one throwaway line about Patriarchal Christianity’s individualism, but this whole book is individualism, in part because that’s often the nature of self-help. There’s zero discussion of actual systemic issues at play: in fact all systemic issues are treated as being caused by unhealed trauma. It’s not stated outright, but it is heavily implied that the author thinks that we could in fact end all systemic oppression if those doing the oppressing just, you know, worked through their trauma. Why are they causing harm? Trauma!

As such, you get lots of little lines about “not being a victim” or a place where the author outright states that a person who has a strong sense of self would -not- be targeted by an abuser and would not be a victim of abuse, which is both deeply victim blaming to people who have been abused, but it’s also dangerously not true.

Since this is this weird blend of both self-help, but exclusively anchored to her own life and experiences, the self-help isn’t even particularly far-reaching. For instance, the entire structure of the book is framed around addressing you, the reader. You are in a coffee shop with her. But this “reader” she has in mind is definitely not me, even though I grew up in a similar environment. It’s clear she has a specific reader in mind, a specific person who experienced religious trauma, one far closer to herself.

So if there’s an experience she isn’t familiar with, or a modality of therapy she hasn’t pursued, it’s not going to be here. This isn’t a political or philosophical book that researched lots of people’s different ways of recovering, or a therapists’ book presenting a breadth of experiences from different clients. This is her. This is one single solitary path that she herself took, now being presented as the way to heal and recover. Again: it would have been better if it had just been another memoir. She’s presenting a lot of therapeutic ideas and very little of them are even directly cited.

On top of all that, the actual self-help that’s presented is often confusing and convoluted. Many times I couldn’t figure out why a particular topic was concluded in a given chapter; following along from how one thought emerged after the next was jarring and difficult. Like there’s a chapter toward the end which begins by talking about conflict avoidance, then about polyvagal theory and vagal exercises, then it pivot's to “trusting your intuition” before diving into a rather strange out-of-nowhere section about family estrangement.

The family estrangement section was especially jarring. There were plenty of times while I was reading I felt like I couldn’t place why a given section related to each other or even to the book, but here the author drops all pretenses. This section isn’t even addressed to you, the reader, doesn’t appear to having anything to do with healing and recovering, it simply exists to say that too many people are estranging their family and despite what they say, she can tell that they’re -actually- doing it because of black and white thinking and unresolved trauma and are are also acting like fundamentalists now—she quite literally argues they are exactly acting like their same parents who raised them under Dobson, the Pearls, or the Ezzos. That’s right: cutting off contact with your family is exactly like having your parents break your will as a small child. She derides the laypeople disguising themselves as “experts” while herself being a layperson telling you that she knows what she’s saying is true because “my belly says something is off.”

And that line, “no, my belly says, something is off” I think really encapsulates the whole book. This isn’t a self-help book written with someone with the breadth of knowledge, depth of experience, and wealth of research who can actually help provide a useful and nuanced guidance through religious trauma. This is a person writing from her “belly.” Again, as a memoir? That would have been fine. As a self-help book? It at best might have some useful statements, but filled with her own biases, her own sticking points, her own ignorance that are downright harmful.

[Richard Propes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was unfamiliar with author Tia Levings prior to receiving the invite to check out her latest book "I Belong to Me: A Survivor's Guide to Recovery and Hope After Religious Trauma." "I Belong to Me" is a follow-up of sorts to Levings's "A Well-Trained Wife," a book I've yet to read that is noted as being more of a memoir and journey through Levings's own experiences.

As a survivor of religious trauma along with other manifestations of trauma, I certainly understood the world from which Levings is writing. While I myself haven't (fortunately) experienced the world of Gothard, several of my friends have and I am quite familiar with that world.

"I Belong to Me" is not a memoir, though it would have likely been impossible to have written this kind of book without at least delving somewhat back into that world to give these clinical references the context needed. Levings vividly recounts the world in which she was raised to obey, conform, and to essentially abandon self. This led to years of abuse in a violent marriage and a life devoted to high-control religion. Eventually, Levings was able to leave both of these experiences.

And yet, in some ways the difficulties continued. "I Belong to Me" is essentially about the author's 15-year quest for emotional peace, psychological well-being, and self-awareness. She claims it in a way that avoids re-traumatizing herself (as a writer myself, I'll admit I've struggled with this.).

"I Belong to Me" weaves a tapestry of personal testimonies, therapeutic explorations, resources and Levings's experiences with them, and gentle nudges toward finding the resources to leave abuse, journey toward selfhood, and ultimately finding healing.

On a personal level, I think there's little doubt that there will be many who connect with "I Belong to Me." Quite honestly, I simply wasn't one of them.

Did I hate it? Heavens no. There's way too much of value here and Levings makes for an engaging and well-informed writer who vulnerably yet with much strength shares her knowledge and experiences.

Yet, I also struggled to connect with "I Belong to Me." That could be because I've yet to read the author's memoir. However, my guess is that will be true of a lot of people. For me, "I Belong to Me" isn't really a stand-alone book because understanding the author's story is vital context and I just didn't have it.

"I Belong to Me" finds its narrative focus on Levings's healing journey post-trauma, more specifically the therapeutic components she utilized and her experiences with them. There are a lot of "In my experience" statements throughout "I Belong to Me," statements that can be a bit triggering as so much of religious trauma is grounded upon experience rather than fact or research or, god forbid, science. I didn't mind the "In my experience" statements so much, but I wish they'd been a bit more companioned by research or even the experience of others. Maybe this was because I was familiar with that research or that I'd simply already heard of or experienced many of the techniques and modalities mentioned here (inner child work is definitely nowhere near a new concept, though it would be heavily frowned upon in Gothard or any cultish environment). The language throughout "I Belong to Me" is fairly generalized throughout, occasionally scriptural use the only real reminder that Levings is specifically writing about religious trauma.

In most cases, I resonate deeply with this type of writing. That's likely why I was invited to read the title - I've read quite a few similar books. However, "I Belong to Me" just didn't quite click for me and despite my recognition of its value it's likely not a resource I'll return to myself.

"I Belong to Me" is likely to be most valuable to those early in their healing journeys from religious trauma. I'm not quite ready to recommend reading Levings's memoir first as some simply aren't in a place to take a literary journey through that trauma, however, at least having an understanding of the author's history will give the book greater meaning along with its reporting of therapeutic interventions.

In the end, I'd likely refer to "I Belong to Me" as a solid entry-level companion for those in the early stages of healing from religious trauma. Levings's writing offers a guide to recovery and the nurturing nudge that there is hope after religious trauma.

[Off Service Book Recs · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you pull out your favorite social media app, you will inevitably find content about trauma - trauma bonding, childhood trauma, sociopolitical trauma, and even trauma from your favorite fictional characters not ending up with the person you shipped them with. Trauma is a buzzword, and though we joke about it on the daily in a 2026 where every day can bring some fresh new hell, recognizing, addressing, and dealing with trauma is more important than ever. Tia Levings, who chronicled her journey out of a high control religious group in both a memoir and on the short docuseries "Shiny Happy People", knows this better than most. For readers who find themselves in similar shoes, she poses the following questions: What does it mean to heal from trauma caused by the people, beliefs, and practices of your faith? And to rebuild a sense of self, when high-control religion said you shouldn’t have one?

In "I Belong to Me", Tia Levings pieces together personal stories, therapeutic stages, and resources which helped her - and, she hopes, can help readers - find their way towards psychological peace. As Tia notes over her own 15-year journey out of high control religion - which, as it turns out, was just the beginning to wards emotional regulation, awareness, and self-actualization - if trauma took your past, it shouldn't get your present and future too.

I have been a long-time follower of places such as r/FundieSnarkUncensored and the ways in which evangelicalism in particular and fundamental Christianity in general have inserted themselves into politics in the United States over the past several decades, and thoroughly appreciated Tia Leving's insights into these groups as a former active participant and current survivor in her first book, "A Well-Trained Wife". I was excited to see that she had written another book, and if "A Well-Trained Wife" was a proclamation, then "I Belong to Me" is a reclamation and a reflection. I think the ways in which Levings had to confront her own upbringing and the ways in which she responded to her circumstances - the good, the bad, and the ugly- where vulnerable, relatable, and thought-provoking. There were a lot of questions and examples given to prompt the reader to consider how they viewed their own lives, relationships, and coping mechanisms, I found myself reflecting on my own responses to trauma (not anywhere near on the level of what Levings and those in a similar predicament have gone through), and how I could make changes in how I responded internally and externally when confronted with things that made me uncomfortable.

I enjoyed the audiobook, which was narrated by Levings herself, and think that both inside and outside of writing she has a voice for storytelling, so I would definitely recommend the audio for those who enjoy podcasts or who want an immersive experiene. i think the physical book would be a really good resource for those who would like to reflect at length on some of the advice Levings gives, and could see it being used as a resource to reflect back on, too. I think this was a great second book with a lot of good information on trauma and things to consider, especially for those leaving fundamentalist practices, and encourage anyone who enjoyed her first book to pick up this one on its release as well!

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is phenomenally well done. It's exactly the book I've been needing for years, decades even, so I'm incredibly grateful that Tia's written it, and that I've had the opportunity to read it. Thank you to the author and NetGalley for the chance to read it early.
 
My life experience includes religious trauma. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with CPTSD. When I saw the cover and title of this book, it caught my interest. When I read the blurb describing what it entailed? I knew I needed to read it. You see, like many who've experienced trauma and who are trying to heal, I'm constantly looking for answers, for new ideas that might explain my experience or that might help me cope and heal. This book covers all of that. It goes behind the scenes to deconstruct the trauma and its impacts. I love that the author is open-minded and looking toward facts to come to conclusions rather than untested beliefs.
 
There were several times throughout the book that the author described something I'd experienced in the past but that I could never adequately convey or explain to those who asked. I can't begin to describe the feeling THAT has brought out in me either, but I can say that I'm grateful for it. It feels like being seen, like being shown I'm not alone in the things I've experienced or how I've experienced and interpreted those things. I have to say that this is not an easy thing to do, but the author does it exceptionally well. I'm especially grateful that she also included the part of healing that requires us to look at how we've harmed those we love because that's been something I've had the hardest time coming to terms with - thinking I was doing things better, only to later realize I was still perpetuating the harm I'd grown up with, but in a different way.
 
I appreciate her honesty and her dedication to staying open to new information. I love that she walks us through the darkness of the trauma and helps us - readers - to see the ways in which we can take ownership of our own healing, and our own well-being with concrete examples. Everything in this book feels organic and not at all like a "how to" book, yet it provides readers with a good blueprint of how healing can happen, of how we might move forward in our own healing.
 
When reading a book review, the thing I want to know most is will this be worth my time, will it help me grow or heal, and I can say that without a doubt, I can say yes to all. If I could give this book more than five stars, I would. I highly recommend it, and when it's released, I will be buying a hard copy and recommending it to the people in my life who are ready to receive it.
 
Also, I think this book is coming at a time when those - without religious trauma in their history - are trying to understand how we've arrived at a point where American Christianity is so far removed from Christ-like behaviour and values. This book shines a light on how the evangelical religious movement grew into the devastating, backward, uncaring, hateful, greed-oriented, trauma-inducing, patriarchal tool being used by MAGA today. This is important because we can't keep shaking our heads and wondering, "What are they thinking?" We need to understand the root cause to find a solution. I believe the solution includes speaking up and sharing the truth, sharing our truth, which is exactly what Tia does in this book.

[Erin Clemence · Rating 3 out of 5]

Special thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free, electronic ARC of this novel received in exchange for an honest review.

Expected publication date: May 5, 2026

Tia Levings, author of “A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy” has returned with a follow-up self-help book, “I Belong to Me: A Survivor’s Guide to Recovery and Hope after Religious Trauma”.

“Belong” focuses more on the therapeutic component of recovery, as opposed to Levings’ experiences with belonging to a religious cult and the domestic abuse she suffered. If you’re looking for these particulars, they exist in “Wife”, although Levings’ does give brief descriptors of relevant experiences when necessary.

Levings discusses the particular therapies that have worked for her and insights she has learned that have helped her on the road to recovery. Anyone who has attended therapy, or has an interest in recent therapeutic modalities, will have heard of much of the treatments that Levings’ talks about, such as “Internal Family Systems”, otherwise known as “Parts Work”, as well as many others. There are a lot of positive affirmations and hopeful sayings scattered throughout “Belong”, as this book is basically Levings’ attempt at spreading hope and healing to an emotionally damaged population.

“Belong” focuses particularly on recovery from religious trauma, as this is Levings’ personal experiences, however the book itself could be useful to anyone on any form of traumatic recovery journey, so it’s pretty generalizable in that regard.

I am familiar, both professionally and personally, with the work that is required in recovery from trauma, in finding your true “capital S self” and in reassuring your inner child, all variations of treatment therapies Levings talks about, so there wasn’t a lot of new information for me. “Belong”, for me, was filled with uplifting catchphrases and hopeful language, scattered among definitions and descriptions of various therapies.

I did not read “Wife”, and I really wish I would have, as that seems to be the book that would be most appealing to me. It also would’ve provided more of the information on Levings’ personal trauma and the struggles and challenges she dealt with in the aftermath, which would’ve been helpful when following her on her recovery journey.

I am grateful that Levings has found a way out of the darkness and has created a book to connect with survivors. However, I am not a religious abuse survivor, and I do not know the specific details of Levings’ experiences (due to not reading “Wife”), so I did not connect with this book the way I wanted to.

[Chera · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, it's important to lead with the fact that I am not a survivor of religious trauma. I am, however, someone who is deeply concerned with the direction of our country and the continued elevation of Christian nationalism at the highest levels. I found Levings' memoir, A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy, to be an eye-opening look at the way that evangelical churches have been working for decades to indoctrinate their followers and to turn them to the radically conservative politics being pushed today.

My largest complaint (and it wasn't that large) about that book was that it, rightly, focused on Levings time within her marriage and comparatively less on the years after she left. It was clear that she jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire with a relationship that mimicked some of what she experienced in her first marriage and I was curious to see how she worked to deconstruct her beliefs and move forward.

This book does pick up those threads, but it is ultimately a self-help book for those that are leaving religiously traumatic situations (though it feels applicable to many forms of trauma). Levings weaves together her own experiences, the work she's done in therapy and on herself, and research to help walk people through the recovery process. There are many great insights throughout about how to reprogram your ways of thinking and reacting to triggers, therapeutic methods for recovering from trauma, and how to live authentically as yourself (when it isn't always clear who you are.

There are moments where I wanted to push back on Levings. Some of the quoted therapists and resources are from individuals that I find lacking, but that's personal preference. I appreciated that Levings is able to write honestly about how she was hurt, and how she hurt others, but there are times when she gives too much credence to reconciliation and continued relationships with those who hurt. Decisions about going no-contact, for instance, feel better handled by a licensed professional rather than in a self-help book. Again, this could be personal biases at play, but I think there are many legitimate reasons to walk away from people and situations that no longer serve you and to not engage with them in anyway after you do.

* Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review! *

[Marissa Burt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mother. Midwife. Doula. A strong elder supporting the reader in the painful, messy labor of birth. These were the images that came to mind as I read Tia Levings' second book I Belong to Me. In this follow up to her NYT best-selling memoir A Well-Trained Wife, Tia weaves together personal story-telling, insights she's learned from trauma-recovery, and explorations of American evangelical culture, as she invites the reader to join her for a virtual cup of coffee (not *that* kind of "let's meet up for coffee"). Threaded throughout the book are these nods to Tia's insider status—she's someone who's not just studied the landscape of white American evangelicalism, she's lived it. She gets the particulars faced by many people navigating the fallout of religious trauma in this context: spiritual orphans, religious exiles, exvangelicals, the flood of people exiting the church of their childhoods and youth.

She's also done the work on the other side. Tia brings her own experience exploring somatic, therapeutic, and embodied practices and applies them to religious-trauma-recovery. She writes from a layperson's perspective, inviting the reader to join her in this exploration and providing recommended resources and tips for readers to get curious about along the way. Wisdom, anger, grief, humor, empathy, compassion, inner child work, rediscovery of delight—you'll find them all here, along with memoir-snippets from Tia's life and interesting sidebars into white American evangelical history. Her pages on estrangement in Christian families are the best I've read on the topic, and the way Tia carefully respects reader agency really makes this book stand out. Rather than tell readers what to do or recreating new versions of "right way" thinking, she midwifes readers along, reminding them of their own inner capacity and strength, allowing them their unique feelings, responses and experiences (a rarity for those exiting high control religion), and equipping them to reclaim their voice, autonomy, and agency.

This is a book that will serve betrayed children of American evangelicalism who are stuck in the painful arrested development so common in religious communities that told people any self at all is selfish. I also recommend it to people who are in pastoral ministry as a lens to help understand the fruit of popular American evangelical teaching and the experience of many people in (and exiting) the pews.

[Amanda Ingram · Rating 4 out of 5]

I Belong to Me was a really validating read for me. This book felt like it was written with a lot of care for people who are still trying to understand how deeply religion can shape, harm, and linger in your body and mind long after you leave. Tia Levings approaches this work slowly and thoughtfully, and I appreciated that she never tries to rush the reader toward healing or offer tidy conclusions.

This is much more of a self-help book than a memoir, though it does draw on her personal experiences throughout. If you’ve read A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy, you’ll recognize some of what she references, sometimes without much detail. I didn’t feel like reading the memoir first was required, but having that background does help fill in some gaps and add context to what she’s discussing.

She very clearly connects trauma to religion, especially emotional trauma, which was something I found really helpful. It’s easy to minimize or overlook emotional harm when it isn’t physical, and this book does a good job explaining the how and why of that damage without dismissing it or spiritualizing it away. I also appreciated the focus on therapeutic stages and the reminder that healing doesn’t happen on a clean or predictable timeline. This wasn’t a book that challenged me in a confrontational way, but it did make me feel seen. It felt validating more than anything else, like a reminder that what you went through mattered, even if it didn’t always look dramatic from the outside.

Overall, this book felt like a checkpoint on a longer healing journey. I would recommend it to people who are newly out of high-control religion, long-term survivors who are still unpacking beliefs they didn’t choose, and also to therapists or loved ones who want a better understanding of what religious trauma actually does to a person. It’s a steady, compassionate book that reminds you that reclaiming yourself is allowed, and that you belong to you.

Thank you to St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

In 2024, Tia Levings published a memoir of the abuse she endured from a fundamentalist Christian church and from her husband, who believed that controlling every aspect of her life, attempting to mold her into the “ideal” Christian wife, and punishing her for even the smallest infraction was his duty as a husband. I gave that book 5 stars, and recommended it strongly as something we should all know more about. I Belong to Me is a sequel of sorts, in which Tia discusses her ongoing recovery and provides resources for women in similar situations. While the first book speaks to the public at large who need to hear this story to understand what thousands of women are going through, this second book speaks directly to women who have experienced abuse and thus may not be appropriate for everyone.

This book is packed full of recovery tools and resources - so many, in fact, that I struggled to understand how they fit together or in what order they should be used. Although there are very practical tips for self care and dealing with emotional trauma, I think that, rather than relying on this book alone to aid recovery is not sufficient. Since all women have different histories and process trauma differently, the best choice for any woman in recovery to have a trained therapist (or several - Levings saw many different professionals to work with different aspects of her therapy). This book is an excellent choice for those who want to hear what types of healing are needed and to understand that they are not alone in their pain, not necessarily for those who feel like they want to “go it alone.” My skepticism about the value of this book as a standalone self-help manual also brings up the issue of finances. Women who don’t have the financial resources or family support to pay for this care aren’t well served here.

Tia Levings is a very strong and very brave woman to have survived her abuse and to go through the difficult process of healing. I hope this will help women who are scared to find the courage they need to move past their abuse. Many thanks to St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read this ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Candace · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very personal book, for a particular audience—as you can see from the title. If you are unfamiliar with Tia’s work & story, I strongly recommend checking out her social media & reading her memoir, A Well-Trained Wife, **before** you decide to dive into this.

Tia is a fellow healed-and-still-healing survivor, not a doctor or psychology/trauma expert. You will find a mixture of her personal experiences, various tools and resources you can use/refer to on your own journey, and psychological concept explorations.

I like how this is a book that anyone on this journey can pick up or put down when they need to. If you aren’t at a certain stage yet, you can read up to that point. You can bounce around the chapters to find what might help you at any time.

There was a section toward the end about family estrangement that made me pause, as it was clearly a strong opinion and not a fact. She states that it’s a “belly” feeling, at least. As someone who believes it is always okay to cut people off to fit your boundaries/mental health needs, I struggled to understand what she was implying. Just because she doesn’t want to estrange doesn’t mean she should tell others not to.

I am grateful that a book like this exists, to show that recovery and healing from religious trauma is possible, accessible, and takes on many forms. I recommend this to anyone about to begin this process or in the middle of it—though I caution that your journey should be made with professional guidance beyond this book, if possible.

I’d like to think I’m pretty far into my own deconstruction. I highlighted many quotes, insights, and definitions despite that. A lot of this resonated with me, though my story and experiences are quite different from the author’s.

I deeply appreciate Tia for sharing her story and providing hope!

**Thanks so much to NetGalley & the publishers for access to the e-arc & audio-arc!

[Jeannine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tia Levings’ I Belong to Me is a deeply personal memoir that traces her movement out of a rigid, controlling religious environment and into a hard won sense of identity and autonomy. The narrative follows her early immersion in a high demand faith culture, her marriage and family life within that structure, and the gradual awakening that leads her to question authority, safety, and her own worth. Levings writes with vulnerability about fear, isolation, and the emotional complexity of disentangling belief, community, and self. Her story highlights the cost of conformity and the courage required to reclaim agency, particularly when doing so risks relationships and stability.

The strongest portions of the book are the scenes drawn from lived experience. These moments carry emotional weight and allow readers to feel the tension, confusion, and resilience that shaped her decisions. However, the transitions between memoir and explicit therapeutic explanation sometimes disrupt the narrative flow. When the text shifts into clinical interpretation or structured psychological framing, the momentum of the story slows and the immediacy of her voice becomes less compelling. While these sections offer helpful context and may benefit readers seeking clarity, they occasionally feel inserted rather than organically developed from the narrative. Even so, Levings’ honesty and perseverance remain the defining strengths of the book. Her willingness to examine painful memories and chart a path toward healing is admirable. The memoir ultimately succeeds as a testimony of growth, and she deserves real kudos for documenting such a difficult and transformative journey.

#IBelongToMe #NetGalley

[Bargain Sleuth Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the digital copy of this book; I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Content Warnings from the reviewers on Storygraph:

GraphicMisogyny, Sexism, Religious bigotry
ModerateAddiction, Domestic abuse, Violence
MinorBody shaming, Child death, Miscarriage
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to listen to the audiobook of A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings. I was blown away by her story as someone who escaped the ultra-“Christian” Quiverfull life. I could not believe the horrible things she went through as the wife of a radicalized man and all the pain she endured. Levings has now written a book on how to help others who escaped or want to escape their super-controlled lives.

I Belong to Me is a self-help book for those who were raised with emotional or physical trauma. Levings discusses the way she was conditioned to believe one way, even when common sense told her that X was wrong. Some people’s childhoods or married lives are filled with profound trauma, and the author explores ways to deal with that trauma. That leads to healing and moving forward in your life, with a reclamation of one’s identity.

What I appreciated about I Belong to Me is that Levings mentions her previous life of submission and trauma, but only in generalities. She speaks of her past life as a tool to help others, not a history lesson If you want to know her whole story, you’d be better off with A Well-Trained Wife.

Tia Levings narrates her own audiobook and does a really good job. It’s hard to imagine that someone who has only done public speaking for some years would be able to tackle an audiobook, too. Such talent!

[thecostaricanreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will say this over and over. I am so glad I found Tia Levings's work. I read her first book and now this, her second book, and she will definitely be an Auto Buy author for me forever.

More than a self-help book or a step-by-step instruction book, I Belong To Me is what these types of books should be. An honest, raw, and hopeful guide based on personal stories, journeys, backed up by research, and, more importantly, from real-life situations.

In her first book, we learned how Tia escaped from a high-control religion and how she took herself and her children out of a horrible living situation. Now, in I Belong to Me, we learn how Tia was able to rebuild her life and heal from that high-control religion, her controlling husband, and a life of not being able to be her true self.

It will always amaze me how, through other people's lives, we can learn so much about many other things that happen in the world. I will always be grateful to Tia because, thanks to her work, not only her books but also her social media platforms, newsletter, etc, I have been able to educate myself and better understand a lot of what is going on in the world now. From politics to religion to subjects that specifically concern women.

I highly recommend this book. You don't necessarily have to be a religious trauma survivor to read this book. I believe what Tia shares with us in this book can also be applied to many other situations, including traumas or difficult situations we have experienced in the past or may be experiencing now.


Thank you, St. Martin's Essentials and NetGalley, for the free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

[A Mac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actual Rating 3.5

This work is a mix of self help and memoir. This was positive as it meant that the author was presenting all of this from her personal, lived experience, which gave it a strong and compelling tone. It's a bit negative though as the author doesn't have professional experience/training, which makes the self help bit a little wobbly. As long as readers know that the author is speaking from experience rather than professional training, it should be fine. And of course, this book should never be a replacement for professional therapy, which the author acknowledges.

I could see this book being especially helpful for people just leaving the church and feeling ungrounded, for those who are thinking about leaving but don't know why, or those who don't have access to professional therapy but want to know more about this topic from someone who has also experienced similar things.

This author's experiences will likely be quite relatable for many folks from the United States who were raised in more fundamental Christian households and experienced abuse associated with religion. This work is more about the healing process that follows a break with abusive religion-based relationships, and provides some interesting insights to those looking to learn more. My thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press and Macmillan Audio for allowing me to read this work. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own.

[Readnponder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ex-trad wife, Tia Levings, follows up her stunning 2024 memoir, "A Well-Trained Wife," with a self-help guide for those recovering from religious trauma. Parts of her story are interwoven. Readers also find out how Tia's recovery is progressing since writing her memoir.

There is a wealth of information in the book, presented as if Tia is chatting with the reader over coffee. For example, a new way of looking at bitterness; seeing fear and other triggers as providing valuable information; tips on regulating one's nervous system; and the importance of rest.

While I don't agree with everything, much in this guide will be helpful to those who've experienced high-control, religious environments. I highlighted some resources for further investigation. Those leaving fundamentalism who want nothing more to do with organized religion, as well as those who've found a home in a more benevolent branch of Christianity will both find value in the book.

I read in both audio and digital format. The author's narration is warm, well-paced, and authentic. Ironically, there is a section in the book (Ch. 15 "Use Your Words") discussing how evangelicalism trains women to have child-like, high-pitched, sweet voices. After leaving, Tia put conscious effort into finding her natural voice. She strikes just the right note in "I Belong to Me."

[Bethany Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, and Macmillan Audio for providing an early audiobook edition of “I Belong to Me” by Tia Levings, read by Tia Levings, in exchange for an honest review.

This is a self-help book for individuals dealing with religious trauma, although I believe it could work for other types of traumas as well, for the right people. Tia told her life story in her first book, A Well-Trained Wife, which was the beginning of her healing. This follow-up book was written to share what she has learned through her healing process.

The book was well written. She set the book up in a chronological order of her healing journey, which I found an interesting way to pull the book together. Her motivation for writing the book is genuine; she wants to help others heal through her experiences. Her raw truth, as delivered in this book, will inspire some people to begin their healing process.

That being said, every person dealing with trauma has a different series of steps that will work for them. Just because it worked for Tia, it will not work for everyone. So, unfortunately, I think there will be negative reviews from those who do not connect with this healing process. As a teacher in an urban high school with students who have dealt with or are dealing with trauma, I will recommend this book.

[Erin McIntosh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley & Macmillan Audio for providing me this audiobook ARC in exchange for my honest thoughts and opinions.

I Belong to Me is Tia Levings second book on the topic of fundamentalist church society, religious deconstruction and navigating trauma. While her first book A Well Trained Wife is a memoir, Levings structures this novel as if she is meeting the reader for a supportive chat over coffee. I Belong to Me serves as one part cautionary tale and one part resource guide for deconstructing individuals new and old. Levings is sure to reference many other novels and psychologists works that helped her find strength to leave her environment and work towards becoming her true self.

I find it admirable Levings has compiled all her tools and learnings for the benefit of others. As someone who has gone through the deconstruction process, I have found few resources that can articulate the exact thought patterns and little traumas as eloquently as Levings does. She hits the nail on the head every time.

As Levings states, “you are more than ideas.” We are more than our upbringing or frameworks in which we are raised. Looking to your internal compass is the best navigation in life. Be kind, be patient. Recovery and healing is possible.

I look forward to the release of this book so I can pick up a physical copy to keep as a reference.

[Jenn Ochieng · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tia Levings’ memoir A Well-Trained Wife was one of my FAVORITE reads of the year (so far), so I was eager to pick up her newest work, I Belong to Me. Levings is a survivor of profound abuse and trauma and I respect her willingness and vulnerability in sharing her story.

While reading A Well-Trained Wife, I often found myself asking, “How does someone ever recover from this?” I Belong to Me feels like Levings’ deeply personal answer. I really would not say this is a universal guide but rather a vulnerable, experience‑driven look at reclaiming yourself after surviving harm (especially harm rooted in religious systems). As someone who carries my own religious trauma, many of her reflections resonated with me. This book will be especially valuable for readers who have faced incredible darkness in relationships, control, and faith‑based environments. Be prepared to get uncomfy.

As a healthcare professional, I also want to emphasize that this is one individual’s story. It can be validating and illuminating, but anyone navigating similar experiences needs support from trained professionals. It’s always worth asking, “Who is offering this life advice, what are their credentials, and what qualifies them to influence my decisions or healing?”

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

happy release day to this incredible gift, Tia.

"who am I? what am I here for? and how can I become a reliable narrator about my own life? courage to become starts in the secret corners of our mind, beckoning us toward the next step in urges we may feel but may never see. . . . growth is accessible to all of us" (p. 134-135).

I Belong to Me is one of those rare books that makes you want to turn back to the first page after you've read the last. this is a book to savor, to reflect on, to take one chapter at a time. the moment I held an ARC (given to me by the author herself) in my hands, I knew I would not fly through this one. I read with a journal nearby, and post-Its, and pens. I Belong to Me will stay with me for a long time, forever.

Tia's first book, A Well-Trained Wife, left an impact on me. It was my first introduction to her life, her writing, her work.

I Belong to Me has the same generous heart - of Tia writing and sharing her experience, her insight, to help readers. Reading her books feels like talking to a friend, like comfort, like you're not alone.

This author cares. She has a huge heart and plenty to give. I will forever remember her kindness, the kindness she showed to me personally, and the kindness I witness on her social media every day.

She's a treasure.

[Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

A big thank you to NetGalley for the ARC!
With almost every nonfiction/self help book I have the exact same thought -> this could have been a 1 page guide or a 3 minute tiktok. The author only dragged on each repetitive point to produce a book with their name on it. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE BOOKS. In fact it is the opposite, the author could say even more about many of these points. This book shook me up, a lot, and will do so for anyone deconstructing decades of conditioning and brainwashing. Hearing a teaching in reverse after a life of having it preached at you is startling AND a relief because you knew deep down how uncomfortable you always were with it. This book is going to save women’s lives. The author is brave for reliving her trauma and being so counter-cultural. Literally countering everything our culture is telling us (because what could be better than a woman who serves her community, stays home to bake bread from scratch for her children, and is committed to working on her marriage with a man who takes care of her needs financially?). The answer? SAFETY. Tia Levings knows safety and self sovereignty are better. And she knows for some of us, that self-sovereignty has to be baked from scratch a little late in life.

[Sarah Fowler Wolfe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tia opens with what she would tell the reader if we met for coffee: "It's a lie that you'll be alone. There are thousands, if not millions, of survivors out here." I too have learned how true this is.

Tia feels like a big sister to me, one who walked through (and came out of) extremely similar traumas just ahead of my doing the same. This is the recovery book of hope I would have written if I could. The real, hard, but so GOOD reality of healing.

I highlighted a good 40-50% of this book because so much deeply resonated with me. Some I need to hear now, much of what I needed to hear then, and more that dear friends still in the earlier stages of escape need that Tia words much better than I do! Neither too sentimental nor too harsh, with honesty and grace but firmness in truth, this book is a wonderful guide.

"We are more than our hard stories" (ch 1), and so much of this is about learning who you are without others' rules and expectations. A revelation, for sure. For survivors and people who love them, I cannot recommend this book enough.

{I read a digital ARC provided by St. Martin's Press via NetGalley}