This Is How You Love Her: A Journey to Radical Self-Love

by Traci Saulsberry

A fiercely candid, funny, and sometimes heartbreaking blend of memoir and self-help on vulnerability, identity, and reclaiming your lifeWhat if you didn't need Bali to find yourself? For 14 years, Traci Saulsberry led communications at NBC, becoming one of the youngest Black executives at the company. She had everything a modern woman is told to want―the house, her son, the high-powered job.But when her carefully constructed life collapsed, Saulsberry was confronted with a question she'd been avoiding for Who was she, really?Here I was, caught on my heels, with no backup lover to pick up the slack. Naturally, because I am a product of an adolescence spent binging rom-coms filled with sweeping tales, I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I romanticized that there must be a flight to the farthest island on the edge of the world where I could just start over again. My archnemesis, reality, quickly snapped me out of that daydream. I wasn't going anywhere. I felt trapped.This Is How You Love Her is a vulnerable narrative guide to uncovering your identity in life's small moments, right where you are. With wit and insight, heart and cinematic prose, Saulsberry weaves together pages from her journal, conversational guides, poetry, and reflection prompts in this memoir-meets-guide that gives readers permission to get to know themselves at their own pace.For anyone who's ever lost themselves in work, relationships, or the image they built to survive―this is your roadmap home.And this is how you love her.Perfect for fans of memoirs, self-help, and journaling, this book Unlearning the belief that you’re not allowed to get it wrongBody Reclaiming your body  and learning to be present in your own Setting limits with the people you love most, even when it means risking the Releasing the need to manage everyone's perception and trusting yourself to just be 

Genres: Self Help

288 pages, Hardcover

Published August 4, 2026

About the author

I love love, in all of its forms and all of its phases, and the love story I write about most is the one we have with ourselves.

My memoir, This Is How You Love Her, weaves together pages from my journal, poetry and prompts to tell how I measured my life by who I loved, my job at NBC and the chase for perfection, until my carefully built life fell apart and I had to find my way home to myself.

I’m endlessly fascinated by the cinematic moments hidden in everyday life.

I live in Los Angeles with my beautiful son, Cameron, where you’ll usually find me writing a dreamy poem, journaling, wandering bookstores, or reminding myself to pay attention to the ordinary moments that end up changing everything.

My hope is that my stories leave people feeling seen and remind them that the most important love story they'll ever live is the one they have with themselves.

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Reviews

[Esosa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part memoir, part self-help book, This Is How You Love Her follows Traci Saulsberry as she reflects on her journey towards self-love after years of climbing the corporate ladder at NBC.

Throughout the book, she unpacks her need for perfectionism and a well-curated life, while reflecting on the relationships (mostly romantic) and experiences that shaped the way she viewed herself.

This read more like a letter to all the boys/men she’s loved before…with a sprinkle of reminders and guidance on self-love.

It’s dreamy and intimate and often felt like reading the journal of someone who has spent her life romanticizing life itself.

It made for an interesting memoir but as a self-help book, I wasn’t too impressed.

[Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Is How You Love Her is the kind of memoir that reminds you healing never happens all at once. Traci Saulsberry takes readers through her coming-of-age story, the relationships that shaped her, the lessons motherhood brought, and the mindset it took to navigate corporate America while becoming one of the youngest Black executives at NBC.

The book is written like a play, which gives it a rhythm that feels personal and inviting. Between chapters, Saulsberry pauses to speak directly to Black women and fellow overthinkers, offering gentle reminders to loosen our grip on constant analysis and make room to actually feel, trust ourselves, and live.

I found myself underlining every time she returned to her journals. Watching expressive writing become a way for her to witness herself, process heartbreak, and reclaim parts of herself she thought she’d lost was powerful. As a therapist who practices bibliotherapy and expressive writing, I know the page can hold things we aren’t ready to say out loud, and this memoir captures that beautifully.

Reading about her professional journey was just as compelling. Saulsberry writes honestly about ambition, leadership, and what it costs to survive—and thrive—in spaces where you’re often the only one in the room. She never separates career from identity, showing how both were shaped by the same work of learning to love herself.

This is an encouraging memoir that feels like sitting down with a woman who’s lived enough life to stop pretending she has all the answers. Instead, she offers her story with honesty and trusts you’ll find pieces of your own inside it.

[Dawn Elizabeth Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book found me exactly at the right time in my life and has the exact right perspective I had no idea I needed.
Thank you, Traci (and Trace)

[Ayannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a corporate communications girlie, I was intrigued, but I was surprised by how male-centered it was. I didn’t learn anything particularly new, but it was validating to see some of my own experiences reflected.

[bookshelfreader_31 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is How You Love Her written by Traci Saulsberry

    Is Non fiction. It is a inspirational, self help discovery based memor.  I was able to enjoy listening to the book on Audio, the greatest part was the author connected to the audience by narrating.  I found this to be emotionally impacting and very touching due to the fact this is her point of view,  her story. I found it touching and intimate.  This book is a great option for those who are wondering exactly who they and how stereotypes and thoughts create seats and fears for many in the world.


Traci takes us on an adventure through her life-featuring how she discovered herself to help others and relate to many others in the world who are experincing the same issues. She shares deep inter- personal moments-knowing she is human-knowing that she may get some hate- knowing that she is not perfect ,  things  a person may never want to admit or share. However, she explains all these things she already though about herself, she already knows, she went through it explaining , " that beast maybe you" . I found this book to be intense and moving, one that is inspirational and connecting. I'm a avid reader and have not read another book like this. It is unique on so many levels .

  Not only do I believe this would be a great personal read but I believe it would be a great book read it touches on so many topics - most unedited and raw, honored. One of my favorite things Traci mentions is going back to the place you once were hurt the most and laugh, change the narrative- your in charge of your own story. You can't control others or their reactions but you can control yourself.

I think this book could be a important book for a older teen and mother to read together and talk about some of the topics . Overall , I thought this book was deeply impactful. I thought it to be deep , personal and full of lessons. This is a book you should read over again to understand and comprehend at a deeper level. 

[Kayleigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, this was a well-written, not quite self-help memoir. Traci tells her honest story of healing and recovery and it demonstrates how much of it couldn’t be linear. Some of the chapters felt like they were getting a bit long but it was an enjoyable read.

“Perfection is a cage, not a cocoon”

This is How You Love Her was published August 4, 2026 and I received an advanced copy from Netgalley in exchange for my review.

[Paige (pagebypaigebooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Perfection is a cage, not a cocoon.”

I'd like to thank Abrams Press for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

I've also posted this review on Instagram and my blog.

Instagram Post

Blog Post

Content Warnings: mention of SA

This was a very interesting read! The self-help and memoir genres are outside my typical reading comfort zone, but I'm glad I gave this a try! It was a very refreshing read that dove into what it means to love yourself and discover your passions. My favourite parts were Traci's personal journal entries and poems. They really helped me connect with Traci and be invested in her story. I couldn't help but root for her through each stage. I saved many quotes that spoke to me, and I found Traci's writing style vulnerable yet engaging. As well, the exercises and reflection questions made all of the lessons Traci discussed feel actionable and broke them down into achievable goals. Overall, This Is How You Love Her left me feeling empowered and has inspired me to start my own journal. I'm excited to follow Traci's work in the future!

This Is How You Love Her will leave you feeling empowered and guide you in your own journey towards self-love.

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

To start my review, I would like to thank Netgalley and Traci Salsbury for providing me an Advanced Readers Copy of this book in exchange for my honest review of this book.

Overall rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was an incredibly written memoir.
This was a great story overall and I loved Traci’s progression and getting to see her story change in amazing ways over time. I related to Traci immensely and got some great life tips throughout the book! It was really cool to get to hear about a young black woman’s perspective working in a competitive work environment and I appreciated the dedication that was displayed in this memoir. My only reason why this wasn’t a five star review was simply that the beginning was a little long, but the pacing picked up quickly about halfway through the book. I really appreciated getting my first Netgalley Advanced Readers copy approved and I will look forward to reading more of Traci’s books in the future!

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pieces of this resonated with me, especially the prompts and reminders about self-love. I struggled with Traci’s personal story. She kept describing a near perfect life, most people I know’s dream life, as difficult, imperfect, and full of “stains,” which made some of the advice harder for me to take seriously. Still, I took away some helpful reminders and would like to revisit the prompts with a journaling practice of my own.

[Marni Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Is How You Love Her is one of those books that stays with you long after you finish reading it. Traci writes with such honesty and vulnerability. I felt very seen within her words. Thank you for writing this Traci.