Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way

by Mike Robbins

Bestselling author Mike Robbins had a life that many little boys dream of. Drafted by the New York Yankees directly out of high school, Mike decided instead to postpone his professional baseball career until he finished college. After a successful stint at Stanford, he began life in the minor leagues as a pitcher with the Kansas City Royals organization, where he played for three years until an injury benched him for good. This devastating disappointment changed his life in wonderful ways that he could have never imagined. He now teaches and speaks around the world about teamwork, emotional intelligence and the value of appreciation and authenticity. In Nothing Changes Until You Do, Mike's third book, he looks at one of the most important and challenging aspects of life - our relationship with ourselves. Even the most successful person struggles with this delicate relationship, which has created an epidemic of self-criticism, self-doubt and thinking that our value is directly connected to the external world - our jobs, our finances, our appearance, our accomplishments, and so on. Through 40 short essays, Mike shows readers that none of this is true, and brings to light a new way to look at life. With themes spanning from the importance of trusting yourself to the benefits of vulnerability to the strength inherent in embracing powerlessness and change, Mike will help readers get out of their own way, so they can live a good life. He shows that with a little self-compassion and a healthy dose of self-acceptance, anyone can turn away from the negatives that manifest because of a critical self-perception- things like unkindness, addictions, sabotaged relationships, unnecessary drama and more.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Psychology, Audiobook, Health, Spirituality

238 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Mike Robbins is the author of five books: Bring Your Whole Self to Work, Nothing Changes Until You Do, Focus on the Good Stuff, Be Yourself Everyone Else is Already Taken, and his most recent, We're All in This Together, (April 2020). He's a sought-after keynote speaker and business thought-leader who speaks to groups of all kinds throughout the world.

Some of his clients include Google, Wells Fargo, Microsoft, Gap, eBay, Schwab, Adobe, Genentech, Citibank, the US Department of Labor, Harvard University, the San Francisco Giants, and many others.

Mike and his work have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and Fast Company, as well as on ABC News and NPR. He is a regular contributor to Forbes, hosts a podcast called We're All in This Together, and his books have been translated into fifteen different languages.

Mike lives in Novato, CA with his wife Michelle and their two daughters. For more information, visit www.Mike-Robbins.com or follow him on Twitter or Instagram @MikeDRobbins or Facebook, www.facebook.com/mikerobbinspage

Reviews

[Madalina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Am început luna octombrie cu această carte minunată și m-am bucurat că am descoperit un autor cald, sincer și autentic. De obicei, cărțile de dezvoltare personală par să fie scrise de supraoameni care au toată viața pusă în ordine și te fac să te simți intimidat – tu pari să fii departeeeeeee de înțelepciunea pe care ei o dobândesc. Ei...în această carte am întâlnit un om ca toți oamenii – cu insecurități, cu bagaje, cu probleme, departe de a avea viața perfectă.
Cartea este scrisă simplu, autorulsfaturi de genul: ești valoros doar pentru că exiști, ai mare grijă de tine, ai încredere în tine, pe care le pune în valoare prin intermediul exemplelor. Pe cât de evidente sunt sfaturile, pe atât te face să înțelegi cât de important este să le acorzi un cu totul alt grad de prioritate. Bineînțeles, cu toții cunoaștem teoria, dar practica ne omoară.
Mi-a plăcut mult cartea, m-a relaxat, mi-a dat o stare bună și m-a făcut să mă înțeleg mai bine, deci mă declar mulțumită și o recomand cu drag!

“Cât de adevărată este bătrâna zicală: nu poți să ai dreptate și să fii fericit ăn același timp!“

[Yvonne V (Naughty Professora) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Advance copy provided by Netgalley for review.

Nothing Changes Until You Do is an inspiring read. Infused with personal history, antidotes from those close to the author, you are taken on a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love. A good reminder of what is really important in life, and what defines “happiness”. A must read. Very reminiscent of one of my other favorites “The Four Agreements”, Nothing Changes provides reminders that those old tapes that play in our head as critics, feeding us negative messages need to be erased so that we can see ourselves with new light. As a Psychology professor, I was impressed by the inclusion of Maslow’s Hierarchy to describe a pathway to fulfilling needs. One of the most significant messages is “You are more than what you do”: A reminder that how we earn our income doesn’t necessarily define an individual. It’s only one piece of the whole. Finding the other pieces of ourselves, and appreciating our worth and that of others, is what will lead to wealth and happiness.

Highly recommend this to anyone that needs a reminder of the importance of living a fruitful life, and a life with meaning, purpose, and true happiness.

[Chris Torretta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm trying not to critique this too harshly. The book sets out what the synopsis says it is going to do. In it Mike Robbins talks about many different things always circling back to how we treat ourselves. Which was what brought me to the book in the first place. As a creative person I am my own worst critic so I thought I would give this a try and get some positive vibes going.

It was good. It was an easy read and Mike's point of view was well thought out and understandable. I loved some of his anecdotes and enjoyed reading the book. Now here is the but. BUT I wanted more. I came to a chapter that talked about meditation but he doesn't lead through the meditation, that was in the back of the book. Not really a huge deal, and easily addressed. All I had to do was swipe to my Kindle's table of contents and go to the meditation. But I like to read in the order that the author and publisher put the book into. It has to be for a reason, right?

So, I skipped the meditation. No biggie. Next was the fact that although there are life lessons in this, and some very good ones by the way, I have been studying about this stuff for nearly 10 years so I was hoping for something a little more in depth. But as I said above, the book does give what it says it is going to give. And it is very easy to read.

I think I would suggest for someone that hasn't read much about how to treat yourself to definitely pick this one up. There is a lot in this that you can take away and start doing straight after reading. If, however, you are like me you may just want to pick this up as a refresher. If you've read a lot about this subject you may not find much new it in although I did enjoy Mike's take on things!

[Pam Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most powerful books, full of compassion, inspiring, mind blowing wisdom. The book inspires you to change your way of thinking and your behaviour together with motivating you. I love these self help books, very empowering, self love challenges way of thinking and help with transformation.

[Lorilin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was honestly a much better book than I thought it was going to be. I am usually very skeptical of self-help books written by younger people based mostly on their own life experiences. (I'm only 33, but Robbins isn't that much older at 40.) My expectations are impossibly high--like, okay young'un, you better tell me something I don't already know, and it better be profound or funny or comforting or something. Don't spit the same cliche BS.

But I knew I was going to like Nothing Changes Until You Do right from the start, as I could immediately see that this was a book written by someone who had experienced real pain, loss, and disappointment--and learned something from it.

Robbins is a best-selling author, but hasn't published a book in five years. Between books, he had to confront some pretty intense and challenging circumstances: the death of his mother, the birth of his two daughters, two miscarriages, as well as major financial struggle. These experiences forced him to do a lot of self-reflection, and Robbins shares some of what he learned in this book. He's humble and grateful, and I found the whole book to be extremely uplifting and refreshing.

The book consists of very short 4 - 5 page chapters on various life lessons, for example, "A Bad Day for the Ego Is a Good Day for the Soul" or "Embrace Powerlessness" or "Have the Courage to Be Vulnerable." There are also a couple of meditation exercises in the back, which I found to be very helpful.

Overall, this was a surprisingly wonderful read, and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone facing and/or trying to make sense of challenging circumstances.

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew and do most of what is in this book. Take care of your health would be the one admonition I should most heed.

[Lavinia BM · Rating 5 out of 5]

Citind aceasta carte am avut cateva “aha moments”, precum si momente in care m-am gasit in postura descrisa de autor.
La final aminteste toate lectiile cu care ar trebui sa plecam:
“dã-ti toata silinta, fii tu insuti, acceptã-te asa cum esti, fii ingâduitor cu tine insuti, ai curajul de a fi vulnerabil, iubeste-te pe tine insuti, nu uita ca tu esti sursa propriei fericiri si invata, cât poti de bine, cum sã accepti si sa te lasi cuprins de momentul prezent.”

[Luiza · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the title is saying, this book is an useful reminder about how to take care of yourself and your beloved.

I recommend it even if I already knew almost the whole information, the book is written in a simple and easy to understand way.

[Karen JEC · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the eBook over the course of a year with several breaks. It was easy to put it down and pick it back up and continue where I left off. It kind of feels like this decade’s Chicken Soup for the Soul. (He even references Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Chapter 30.) It is easy to read in the sense the author writes in a conversational and comforting tone, whether making a profound statement or recanting a funny story. He truly opens up to his readers in an authentic and fatherly fashion, which is inspiring and resourceful. Would recommend.

Favourite Quotes:

"Sometimes I feel as though I’m letting down the most important people in my life, including myself, because I don’t know where to focus my time and attention."

"Make your own self-care, personal growth, and spiritual connection more of a commitment in your life."

“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” ~ Randy Pausch

Others’ successes don’t take away from yours.

"The more freedom and confidence we have to ask for what we want, without being pushy, demanding, or overly attached to the outcome, the more likely we are to get what we want."

“Joy doesn’t exist in the world, it exists in us.” ~ Ben Franklin

"Make a commitment to live life by design, not default."

"[R]emembering that just because we feel sad doesn’t mean we are sad, or just because we feel jealous doesn’t mean we are jealous, is an empowering distinction."

"It’s also important to remember that human emotions aren’t sustainable. They are meant to be felt and expressed so they can then pass through us beautifully."

"It’s not the knowledge that will benefit us, it’s the practice."

“Vulnerability is not a weakness, and that myth is profoundly dangerous… [Vulnerability] is our most accurate measurement of courage.” ~Brene Brown

"To live a fantastic life: Be easily impressed and hard to offend."

“The Golden Rule is: ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ The Platinum Rule is: ‘How I treat myself is training others how to treat me.’” ~Michael Bernard Beckwith

"[T]here are really only three things that you can control in baseball, and in life, for that matter. Those three things are your attitude, your effort, and your perspective. Have your attitude be as positive as it can be, your effort be as passionate as possible, and your perspective as healthy as you’re able." ~Coach Dean Stotz

“There is only one light but many lamps.” Dan Millman, author Way of the Peaceful Warrior

"For many of us, it’s much easier to struggle and suffer than it is to shine."

Core themes of this book: go for it, be yourself, accept who you are, be gentle with yourself, have the courage to be vulnerable, love yourself, remember that you are the source of your own happiness, and practice completely embracing and surrendering to the present moment.

[Jay Rooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received "Nothing Changes Until You Do" as a gift and found it to be an enjoyable and impactful read. The author helps us gain awareness on how to engage our sense of self-compassion through sharing very personal stories of his own life that embody the lessons to be learned. Because the book is a series of shorter writings, the reader is able to skip around if she desires, but the prime benefit IMO is that one can spend 10-15 minutes here and there and still draw wisdom from the stories.

There is something about being able to see ourselves in others that allows us to then internalize certain lessons. The author--by being vulnerable and bravely sharing some of his own struggles--made it possible for me to shift some unhelpful internal beliefs that I was carrying by allowing me to see myself outside of myself. Once I was able to realize that I felt compassion for the author in certain sections, I was then able to pivot, realize that I am (or had been) in some of those same situations myself, and thus experience self-compassion for myself, which is not a muscle that I easily engage.

[Christine Zibas · Rating 4 out of 5]

This small book by Mike Robbins has some valuable lessons about caring for yourself. We all seem to be our own worst critics, and this book has some good ideas about changing that balance between joy and negativity. Broken up into small, readable chapters, a reader could really start anywhere in this book (or use it as a meditation, reading a chapter each day).

There are plenty of examples from Robbins's own life, but what makes the book valuable are the central themes, one to a chapter, that give pause for thought. There's no earth-shattering news here, but a solid foundation in treating yourself with the same understanding and compassion you show your friends and family, for example.

This is a book that's easy to read quickly, but the point is to consider the messages being sent, try and apply them to daily living, and seek to have a better, more fulfilling life by being kinder to yourself. It's not about comparing yourself to the neighbors or measuring your worth by your salary. It's about accepting and loving yourself for being a good person. That's a pretty solid message to send.

[Oana-Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

În această carte, Mike Robbins vorbește despre una dintre cele mai complicate relații pe care noi, oamenii le avem: cu noi înșine.

În general, asta am observat chiar și la mine, suntem cei mai duri și critici cu noi înșine. Niciodată nu suntem suficient de buni și ne demoralizăm singuri.

Această carte este non-ficțiune și consider că are multe informații intereseante. Mie chiar nu îmi plac cărțile de dezvoltare personală în care se repetă aceleași chestii, fără a primi de fapt informații noi și utile.

Cartea se citește foarte ușor, are capitole scurte despre diferite lucruri și aspecte ale vieții, puse ușor în evidență cu ajutorul experiențelor lui personale.

Este o lectură ușoară care ne învață să fim mai buni și mai înțelegători cu noi înșine.

[Senator · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Nothing Changes Until You Do" does have some very good lessons in it. However, as I read it, I got the sense of Mike Robbins and his life more than anything else. I understand that an author wishes to inspire through true life events but it unfortunately got to the point where I felt I was reading an autobiography. "Nothing Changes Until You Do" is more for the person already along in their goals/ self-development journey, needing a little nudge of inspiration along the way.

Thank you to Hay House & NetGalley for an e-copy in exchange for bookseller/ review purposes.

[Kerry - Readkerryread · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book courtesy of the publisher in exchange for an honest review, all opinions are my own. What I tend to dislike about self help books is when you get too much narrative of their life and very little action to apply the lessons, or to think about for the future. While this book is laid out well and moves along, it is way too much narrative and reads more like an autobiography and not as a tool to learn, change or grow which is more what I look for when reading a book such a this one.

[Scott Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This and Mike's two previous books were given to me as a gift after a speaking engagement for our company a little over two years ago. Having read all three titles in succession and listened to his lecture I can say that the authors words are from the heart and can have a profound impact on your perspective no matter how good or bad things may be in your current situation. I will definitely reach back to the pages in each of his three books for inspiration as needed.

[Sara Yao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mike Robbins warmly and engagingly takes us on a journey to one of the greatest truths out there - nothing changes until we do! His mix of personal stories, client examples and applicable tools gives readers the inspiration and practicality needed to start looking inward in order to change our lives.

[Rubina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A remarkable book filled with advice on how to achieve personal growth, contentment and happiness. The book is made up of 40 chapters or lessons, each no more than 10 pages. This, along with Robbins' writing style, makes reading a pleasure. This is now one of my favourite books which i would recommend to anyone looking to take their life to the next level.

[Ayat Al Bloushi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though the topics are familiar, we as humans need to be reminded of them. This book inspired me to take some serious actions and steps towards changing things that I wasn't pleased with. It's a good read!

[Fernando Estrada · Rating 5 out of 5]

Espectacular libro. Muy revelador que nos brinda herramientas increíbles y sencillas para poder lidiar con nuestra mente, y dejar de ser nuestro propio obstáculo.

En 40 sencillas lecciones , podrás descubrir lo que te limita, lo que te aterra y lo que te mantiene atado a tu pasado.

[Any Length · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not that much new stuff for those who are familiar with self-help/self-improvement but it had some nice stories from his personal life which made it all come alive. Good things in there for the novice.

[Angela Martinez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book because it touches on so many points about building a relationship with oneself, which is so difficult.

I liked how he made his points through stories in his life and that of those near him.

[Svitlana Trofymenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Go for it, be yourself, accept who you are, be gentle with yourself, have the courage to be vulnerable, love yourself, remember that you are the source of your own happiness, and practice completely embracing and surrendering to the present moment."

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most inspiring books I've read. I marked so many passages and pages to go back and reread and I'm looking forward to doing just that, as well as reading Mike' other books.

[Jenifer Jacobs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful!! Totally readable and well written. Many ideas that resonate. I highly recommend this book! Will be buying several to keep (lend!) in the office too!

[Sue Sharples · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent will read his other books

[Corinne Rodrigues · Rating 4 out of 5]

http://everydaygyaan.com/nothing-chan...

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good summary of top nuggets of wisdom, though sometimes I would have prefered more depth than what was provided. Nice and concise way to present one's experiences with life for the benefit of others.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

My husband saw this guy speak at a work event and they gave out signed copies of the book. I didn't really think it was all that helpful. Mostly anecdotes and not much help involved.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

He phrases ideas from other in an accessible way with stories of his past. A good reminder of many concepts.

[Jane Parmel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could read it again and again. Sage advice from someone who has dealt with hardships and drastic changes in his life. Mike Robbins explains how starting with you, change is possible.