This was an incredibly disturbing and addictive read for me. Although I am about a decade older than the girl narrating the story, it felt so so real. The relationship between Tammy and her parents, Tammy and the other girls / boys, Tammy and her siblings was starkly painfully depicted. The neglectful self-involved parents are arbitrary and clueless in their discipline, as well as blatantly preferential of the other two children, one due to her beauty/compliance, the other as the cherished biological son. Poor Tammy has no one on her side as the outspoken preteen. The rigid pointless rules of the household made my skin crawl with remembrance of my frustration at the same age. In my home it was food reserved for adults, in Tammy’s it was the use of the adult living room & TV. The childcare demands on 11-year-old Tammy and even nine-year-old Steffi were so burdensome and familiar. Even the way the mother talked about her cruel husband Nick was so sexist, vacuous, and self-serving.
The depiction of the neighborhood children’s culture and community was also disturbingly familiar, from sex games where pre-teens retreated into closets to “suck face,“ to the harrowing Truth or Dare game at the end. The casual cruelty of the other girls, plus the sense of never being quite sure and needing to pretend to understand more than she really did made me want to weep for Tammy. I keenly remember the mocking, taunting, and viciousness that marked many relationships with other kids — boys and girls alike. The creepy crawly feeling in my gut when the kids find the naked pictures reminded me of how I always felt like I wasn’t quite sure what was going on and things were slipping out of my grasp — the author depicts it all so accurately.
I felt less personal identification with the Jeffrey/John Hinckley story. Although it didn’t resonate with my own experience as deeply, all the cultural references from the 1980s, as well as the actual events themselves surrounding Hinckley & the Reagan assassination attempt were intensely familiar. It brought up so many feelings about my own late teen years on the cusp of adulthood. I had worked against the election of Reagan. The attempts on his life, however, shocked and horrified me — characters who seemed historical, even theoretical, like Hinckley and Squeaky Fromm, resurrected to enact this awful, actual violence! After the 1960s were over, some part of me hoped that all that rage would be left behind.
It wasn’t an easy book to read but I’m glad I did. I appreciated the author’s skillful ability to tug on threads of memory and bring that time so vividly to life.