El Matrimonio: Pacto y Compromiso

by Gary Chapman

El Dr. Gary D. Chapman le mostrara que la comunicacion y la intimidad son dos de los aspectos mas importantes en la concrecion de un pacto matrimonial de exito. La clave esta en que los principios que brindan respuestas perdurables se hallan en la Biblia.[The Covenant Marriage program encourages Christians to exercise the promises and expectations of God's covenant love in marriage. Practicing Covenant Marriage means couples must offer each other steadfast loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and commitment to resolving conflict so as to encourage each other in spiritual growth.]

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Faith

215 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 1992

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

2023: read this with my husband. Overall, underwhelmed. Reading this through the lense of 11 more years of adulthood and almost 2 years of marriage, so much of this is common sense and made us go, "duh?" It seems obvious and is over explaining very basic principles. Examples were of such immature and selfish people it was horrifying at times, and completely unrelatable. And some parts were problematic (exhorting a wife to get undressed in the closet so as not to get the husband going. 'Scuse me???? No. That is not ok.) There were some helpful ideas and good advice sprinkled throughout but I won't be re-reading.

2012: Fantastic book. I think every Christian couple would benefit from it, and when the Lord decides that I should have a man in my life heading toward marriage, I want to go through it with him.

[Mardee]

This Book talks about the different ways we communicate which leads to greater intimacy. My husband and i are reading it together and we have had some great talks about something we read. Highly recommend...

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was excellent! I am not married, so I obviously can't apply all of what I learned. But there are so many great things in here that apply to married and unmarried alike. This book has a lot of great points about communication most of all. Learning about communication always gives me great things to think about and work on!

This book also really glorifies marriage and brings out so much biblical support for it. It definitely gave me more of an appreciation for it. I would definitely recommend this book for those who are married, but I would also recommend it to those who are preparing for marriage OR those who just want to learn more in their everyday relationships(since communication really makes or breaks all of our relationships!)

[Lahti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many good takeaways from this book. Of course, it is definitely targeted toward Christian couples, so a Biblical understanding of marriage is applied throughout. As such, it will be of limited relevance to unbelievers. I do recommend believers read this book regardless of whether they are currently experiencing marital difficulties or not. There are ideas in there that can help improve what is already good, repair what needs to be repaired, and prevent breakdown that can lead to distance, separation, and divorce.

[Emily De Herbas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me atrevería a decir que es uno de los libros más completos qué leí. Abarca varios temas con ejemplos prácticos para nuestras vidas. Siempre se basa en la palabra y nos ayuda a ver desde otra perspectiva enraizando más el conocimiento bíblico.

[CJ Bowen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5, really. Solid if not spectacular, focusing especially on communication within marriage. Edifying and worthwhile.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. And though I've read many marriage books, this one has given me lots of fresh ideas to discuss with my spouse.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful, not only because of its Biblical basis but also because it’s is practical, principle-driven applications. Most helpful we’re the chapters on developing true intimacy.

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very outdated and questionable information about sex. Very basic information about marriage, but some of that is questionable as well.
Trash.

[Ted · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best stuff

[Brian Whited · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book begins with the differences between a contract and covenant marriage. The contract marriage is built upon the notion of self-satisfaction. In other words, the reason a person gets married is to satisfy their own desires, whether they be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Chapman declares that this type of marriage is not the ideal that God purposed for man.

Instead, Chapman argues that covenant marriage is the goal that Christians should desire. A covenant marriage is one that is initiated for the benefit of another person and based in steadfast love. The prime example being, God's own covenants that He made with Israel. In these covenants, God reaches out to Israel in love. God promised Abraham that his descendants would be many and so it came to be. God’s promises never fail.

Some argue that God is perfect and that people are sinners, therefore it is unreasonable for God to expect the covenant marriage ideal. It is true that sinners cannot perfectly commit to a covenant marriage by themselves. But that does not mean covenant marriages cannot be a true reality. Christians can enter into a covenant marriage because Christ has enabled His sheep to do so. With Christ, covenant marriage is a reality because Christ is the perfect covenant keeper and imparts his righteousness upon His sheep.

Intimacy and communication within the marriage are then discussed. Intimacy is a key part of marriage and it can only be gained through healthy patterns of communication. Chapman admits that communication is not easy. But, it is necessary and can be achieved when both partners desire it. The first step is to acknowledge unhealthy patterns in one’s own life. By realizing one’s own faults, change can occur. The goal is to be able to express the nature and desires of one’s own heart to the other and vice versa. This all taking place within the context of a loving and caring environment where the desires of the other person are held in regard over one’s personal desires.

[Charmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Give them the freedom to be an individual.

2. Most of us are more interested in sharing our ideas than in hearing the other person’s ideas. It takes two good listeners to make one intimate marriage.

3. Disrespect often grows out of emotional insecurity.*

4. He does not remove our freedom even when we make choices contrary to his Word. However, he does hold us accountable, allowing us to suffer the consequences of our poor decisions. Emotional Intimacy: the heart of the marriage is diseased. Feeling secure and excited about our lives together.

5. Love always looks out for the interest of the other person; selfishness places me at the center of the universe, and my desires as more important than anything else.

6. We are praying for God’s help in discussing the difficulties our differences have caused, and we are asking for divine help in finding harmony.

7. The number-one barrier in failing to have time to reach our goals is over-commitment to activities that do not help us accomplish our goals.

8. We do our children a great disservice when we do everything for them and make no requirements for them.

9. Attitude of servanthood.* How can I help you? How can I make your life easier? How can I be a better husband/wife to you? Learning the art of service.

10. Conversational prayer involves praying about one subject at a time, each sharing a sentence or two about that particular need, and then moving to the next need. Conversational prayer flows from topic to topic, much like a conversation with a friend. Praying together enhances not only our relationship with God but our sense of spiritual intimacy.

[Carly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finished this one for a Young Marrieds Bible study sometime last month, and forgot to take it off my list!

Some great advice is buried in this book, and some great reminders... but I disagreed with a few things, a few of the attitudes and opinions, and even took offense to a few suggestions and offhand comments around the role of women. I could have been reading too much into the text, though. I'll try to go back through sometime and pick out those sections to let others draw their own conclusions, but for now will leave this.

Overlooking those things, I thought the intentions in Mr. Chapman's heart were pure: Help couples get past misconceptions and bad habits/patterns in marriage so they can move on to truly give 100% to each other and, with God at the center, build a fulfilling marriage.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually had started this book when I first got married and gave up because I thought I knew everything. A few years later I noticed my relationship with my husband was stagnant and I had grown deeply lonely. I knew the fault largely was mine, but I couldn't figure out what to do. So, I returned to this book. I read it all the way through in a week and took notes and shared my insights with my husband.

Basically, before I read the book I felt like I had balled up emotionally and psychologically. I read through the book and analyzed myself as I went through the chapters to figure out my unhealthy patterns of communication, underlying fears, and defense mechanisms and triggers. The book gave me a place to start the unrolling process and steps to proceed from there.

[Kate Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd recommend this for any one who is engaged, married, or thinks they ever might be in a serious relationship! A great introduction to what it means to truly be united and overcoming the difficult aspects of loving your partner well. This is the ideal starting place as an overview of many different facets of a relationship, and couples or individuals can find further reading on whatever section they need help with most. I'm planning on handing it as a pre-engagement gift to my sister - one I wish I had received before I said 'yes'!

Reading it again for Marriage & Family with Dan Allender.

[Emily Schatz · Rating 3 out of 5]

We read this book in a discussion group with other couples from church, which is a good format for it. It was a little lean on doctrine but strong on practical help, which was valuable enough that even occasional stilted language and dated or otherwise limited assumptions didn't impair the insights we got out of the reading (although it did generate a few laughs sometimes).

We missed the last meeting where this book was discussed, so I didn't make it through the last few chapters.

[Otis · Rating 5 out of 5]

In our society, marriage is viewed in a distorted way. It's not look at as a covenant blood union by which God allows two hearts to join as one. Most people view marriage as an addition problem 1 + 1 = 2. Both marriage should be viewed as multiplication, 1 x 1 = 1. This book is a must read. Excellent book!

[Jumper · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been married for two years and I've already read this book several times. There are a few ideas I disagree with, and you have to remember that it is more religious than the author's famous "The 5 Love Languages." But overall great advice for any marriage, and gives practical advice for how to live your marriage the way you promised to on your wedding day.

[ALAGBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author of "The Five Love Languages" again brings his clear insight in his usual straightforward manner. He blends plain talk with his background in Christianity, philosophy and anthropology to create a step by step process to help people master meaningful concepts. This book is a deeply meaningful recipe for marriage as it should be, as it was meant to be.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

short, tangible chapters. very easy to read and think about. liked the main points at the end: 1. attend a marriage conference every year. 2. read a marriage book every year. If it's really the most important relationship, isnt it worth the time and effort?!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of practical ways to meet the needs of your spouse in everyday life, while also allowing them to meet yours. Great information on how to truly achieve intimacy and maintain it through your marriage.

[Robert Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Useful layout of the fact. Short, easy chapters. VERY Christians-only. Not enough to be a reference, not narratival enough to be used in groups or (premarital) counseling. Worth the read, but get it from the library.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now to implement these principles in life :)

Such a wonderful read - there were funny and painful parts.

And really, it's about communication on a fundamental level - it's critical not just in marriage, but in all relationships.

[Legacy Dad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for married couples or those about to be married. This book illustrates what is needed in a marriage and how to keep your marriage vibrant and new.

[Lisa]

Marriage

[Kari · Rating 5 out of 5]

My best forever take-away from this book: Marriage is not "you do 50% and I'll do 50%." It's that I commit to give 100% all the time, no matter what.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

hay buenos consejos en general, pero muchos de los ejemplos son bastante estereotipados.

[Ryan Atwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

outstanding 1st chapter. the rest of the book was ok.

[Sandi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It all begins with a covenant relationship with God. . .pg. 29.