American Men: Stories of Modern Masculinity

by Jordan Ritter Conn

What does it really mean to be a man today?

The topic of modern manhood has been at the forefront of our media and politics for several decades now. It has become a totem of the culture war, hotly debated again and again in both public and private spaces. More recently, the conversation has become extreme and divisive, with each side harboring wildly different beliefs on what a man might be, leaving little room for compromise.

Between the weight of expectation and the restrictive force of the patriarchy pressing down on them, it is no wonder that so many men today feel stuck. But these debates on modern manhood often fail to consider the actual lives of men how do they live their lives day to day? Who do they love? What are their dreams?


Jordan Ritter Conn’s American Men is an exploration of the rarely-discussed details of men’s real lives. Written from the perspectives of four very different men, Ryan, Gideon, Joseph and Nate, thIS audiobook explores the male psyche as each of them experiences trauma and recovery, violence, sex, power and powerlessness, as well as the difficulties of forming relationships in the context of contemporary life.

In part a condemnation of its faults, as well as a celebration of its virtues, American Men presents a truthful, balanced portrait of manhood and masculinity, as it exists today.

Jordan Ritter Conn is the author of The Road From A Story of Brotherhood, Borders, and Belonging, runner-up for the 2021 Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He is a Senior Staff Writer for The Ringer and the host of the narrative podcasts What The Len Bias Story and Sonic Boom, named by The Atlantic as one of the best podcasts of 2019.

© 2026 Jordan Ritter Conn (P) 2026 DK Audio

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, History, Sociology, Audiobook, Gender, Contemporary

Audible Audio

Published April 2, 2026

Reviews

[Brendan (History Nerds United) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so sorry, dear reader. American Men by Jordan Ritter Conn has me at a Pontification Level of 10 (that's the highest!). I think that is what Conn was going for so bravo, sir! I'd like to start off with what the book is not, though.

American Men is not a diatribe on today's society and the masculinity crisis. Thank goodness! I think all too often we spend a lot of time defining and arguing about whether something is a crisis instead of, you know, doing something about it. Not to mention, these things tend to be so politically polarizing that half the audience is turned off before even opening the cover. Writing a book like this means there is something to talk about, but Conn is not about to let us all off easy by just saying precisely what we should all feel.

Instead, we get the story of four men. None of the characteristics I am about to reveal are spoilers as it's in the book summary. One is a closeted Mohawk, one is a West Point graduate (like me!), another is a trans man, and the last is an aspiring lawyer who begins to relive his childhood sexual trauma. Each of them deal with wildly different lives and challenges although under the surface, they have more in common than it seems.

Conn deftly sidesteps a lot of questions by letting these men speak for themselves as they were intimately involved in how their stories are told. The closest Conn comes to inserting his views overtly are in the introduction. However, he provides more of a framework for why this book exists as opposed to something tied to any particular philosophy.

All of this to say, this is what I like to call a "thinkie" book. The answers aren't easy, and you aren't meant to finish the narrative and say, "Well that all wrapped up nicely!" Instead, you're meant to do what I did and look for someone to discuss what it all meant to you.

This only works if the characters and Conn can hold the readers' attention. For me, I knocked all 300 pages out in two sittings. I most closely aligned in my life experiences to Gideon, the West Pointer, as we went to the same college, served in the Army, and went through divorce. However, Nate, the trans man, has a completely different life from mine, but I was still enthralled by his story. This is due to Conn's writing, but also the willingness of each character to give Conn an unfiltered view into their lives.

And, holy hell, their lives can be bleak at times. Their openness at times left me squirming in my chair like I was reading something I was not supposed to. There is real courage on many of these pages, and I often wondered if I could have given such unobstructed access to those painful thoughts we all have at times.

That said, Gideon did give me a way into the narrative that I could relate to immediately which allowed me to slowly engage with the other stories. I am not sure how the book might grab onto others who are missing that connection. (For the record, a perusal of other reviews shows many women who said this wasn't a problem at all.) Overall, I think Conn is such a gifted writer that it most likely won't matter. This is a great book, and I hope a lot of people read it.

(This book was provided as a review copy by Grand Central Publishing.)

[Derek Driggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise here was fascinating: a journalist follows a group of men through years of their lives and tells their unadorned stories. We understand more about masculinity in modern America as a result.

But this was just kind of unremarkable for me, and I don’t feel I left having grappled much with masculinity as a force in people’s lives.

That said, each “character” we follow is interesting and has challenges worth exploring and understanding. I just don’t think I ever got beyond a sort of external, bird’s eye view, and I wanted to understand more internal experience.

[Emma Deplores Goodreads Censorship · Rating 4 out of 5]

Strong storytelling, though lacking a thesis or analysis. The author follows the lives of four American men, with diverse backgrounds and life experiences, and does a great job of it—I was quickly interested and invested in their lives, and the pages turned fast. Ritter Conn writes with a great deal of empathy and understanding for his subjects, and we come to understand their inner lives and personal struggles. He also picks a good variety of men to follow, from upper-middle-class to poor, black and white and Native American, straight and gay and trans, dealing with issues from marriage and parenting to confronting childhood sexual trauma to career changes and the pressure of being a provider to the allure of violence. The author clearly did a lot of background research to be able to present their various experiences sensitively and in context.

So I enjoyed it, but I’m also into this kind of thing—well-written, journalistic accounts of real people’s lives. And it was a good variation from my typical reading, which tends to focus on women. I do think though that there’s a real missed opportunity here, for Ritter Conn to say something about American masculinity, rather than just telling the four stories and let readers take from them what they will. Today it seems most voices talking about masculinity are toxic, grifters, or both—it would have been great to see some analysis from someone thoughtful, progressive and not focused on marketing some scammy product or subscription. Perhaps the analysis will be forthcoming in a future book.

[Ann Pickens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is going to be with me for a long time. Reading the description I was unsure of how I, as a woman, would be able to feel any amount of connection to these men’s lives, but Ritter Conn told their journeys with such depth and humanity that I never once struggled with a connection. From page one, I was invested in each story and how their lives unfolded. Each man’s concept of and struggle with ideas of masculinity was distinct from the others, yet Ritter Conn silently pulled out these small universal threads of humanity. There isn’t some heavy handed agenda pushing a particular narrative about masculinity, just the chance to walk beside these four men and listen to their stories and sit with them in the middle of their struggles. I think this book is a great read for men and women alike, a chance to reflect on the images our society has created, highly recommend.

[Christina | readingthroughatlanta · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

Intimate portraits of four diverse men (a closeted MMA fighter, a West Point grad facing identity crisis, a law student with trauma, a Black trans man) navigating modern masculinity, exploring violence, sexuality, race, and class, revealing struggles with societal expectations and the gap between ideals and reality

As a cisgender woman, I’ve never really considered the experience of men except for male relatives and questioning why “they” do the things they do. But this book really allows you get to know these 4 very distinct men and grasp their experiences and I couldn’t help but be deeply invested in them and root for them.

I loved how this is written. An immersive narrative nonfiction as we relive the pivotal moments of these men’s live in real time - more in the way of a novel than a journalist reporting the news that made for a compelling reading experience.

I appreciate how similar men and women are and how it’s conveyed in this book in the societal pressures to conform, trauma, insecurities, high expectations, etc. but also how different in how we respond (or are told to respond) and what is expected. I think it gave me a new level of empathy for these men who are trying their best and men like them. It all felt incredibly human and relatable regardless of gender.

Extremely readable. Quick chapters. Earnest “characters” that are easy to know and follow alongside. And an intentional way to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and empathize. Highly recommend.

Wherever these men are now, I hope they have found peace and know how grateful I am to now know them in this way.

READ FOR
- Day In The Life
- Diverse Cast of Characters
- Multiple POVs & Changing Timelines


Thank you to the publisher for my advanced readers copy in exchange for my honest review.

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jordan Ritter Conn is an American writer. His 2026 nonfiction book profiles four American men longitudinally - a West Point graduate whose dreams of a professional baseball career never came to fruition and who struggles with substance abuse throughout this 20s and 30s, a Black trans man as he undergoes gender-affirming therapy and surgery, a Native American gay man who struggles to come to terms with his sexuality and aggressive tendencies, and a man who at thirty remembers suppressed childhood molestation memories and copes with the aftermath. The writing is engaging and fast-paced, told in alternating beats through the four men profiled (a result of extensive interviews the author conducted with each man as well as other prominent characters in their stories to corroborate facts). Though exact ages of the men weren't given, most of these men appear to be late Gen X to Millennial aged (with the Black trans man being the youngest character), though accounts of their younger life incidents aren't really filtered through the retrospection of a memoir; as a result, it can seem like certain characters really haven't experienced much growth with increasing age (particularly the West Point grad), though maybe that's not the case.

Further reading: longitudinal profiles
Fraternity: An Inside Look at a Year of College Boys Becoming Men by Alexandra Robbins (a similar concept, but following young men through only a short period of time)
The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz and Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study by George Vaillant - about the Harvard Study of Adult Development
The Turnaway Study: Ten Years, a Thousand Women, and the Consequences of Having―or Being Denied―an Abortion by Diana Greene Foster - more of a reach, but a similar approach in following a thousand women who were either able to or unable to have an abortion and how their lives turned out as a result, with a handful of women profiled in detail

My statistics:
Book 114 for 2026
Book 2420 cumulatively

[William Bennett · Rating 4 out of 5]

There’s so much discussion about the state of men in America, and much of what is filling that space is Manosphere content telling guys that if they just did X, Y, and Z, they will be attractive, sexually and physically powerful, financially and socially successful, and thereby happy. Very little of what is out there is an invitation to observe and reflect root causes and real-life examples of men navigating what it means to be masculine.

Ritter Conn takes a fully journalistic approach here. Rather than a book this is intertwined stories of long-form journalism, tied together by the commonality of observation and narrative storytelling. He follows four men struggling in different ways with what it means to be a man in America, from all different walks of life and different approaches to masculinity and the performance thereof. The approach is unflinching and largely unfiltered, with content some might find offensive. This is certainly not for all ages.

While none of these stories strongly reflect my own life experiences, there are moments of recognition where I see my own life mirrored in the struggles and triumphs of these men. From feeling stuck as you try to define what success looks like in a given stage of life, to the pursuit of feeling enough or loved by those in your orbit, to the development of maladaptive habits or even addictions, or the climb out of anhedonia, depression, or repressed trauma. I expect that any man and any person would see something that has felt or does feel familiar.

It was gratifying to end each man’s narrative in a place of stability and self-improvement, for lack of a better word. Fulfillment, happiness, contentment. Whatever it might be. And it’s reassuring that these are real lives, rendered faithfully, giving hope to others who might be struggling with similar issues. I was moved by several passages, including one man’s inaugural AA meeting in which he received his first sobriety chip; another man’s finding a therapist who connected with him and helped him do the difficult work of unpacking and processing repressed memories of sexual abuse; another making peace with his childhood tormentors and calming the rage and aggression that had lived within him for decades.

I find this hard to rate for a variety of reasons. One is that this is such a different book for the genre and the topic—instead of recommendations there is an invitation to reflect. Instead of a thesis about what is at the root of what is ailing American men there is thoughtful consideration of men’s experiences and recognition that everyone’s journey is an individual trek.

While I appreciated the opportunity to draw my own conclusions and observations from my reading, I would have liked Ritter Conn to tie together the threads of the narratives in some way for the reader. What will probably be the lasting effect of having read this book is a greater desire to connect with my fellow men in ways that allow me to truly know them as human beings and simultaneously know myself better. To see and be seen clearly, and thereby hopefully reduce in some small way the isolation and loneliness that seem endemic in the American male experience.

[Kevin Rostron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowzers this was good to read. The intro of this book has the author talk about finding the gap in what each person defines as masculinity, and who we as men actually become and the gaps in that space. And boy does it get hit.

Following all four men from vastly different backgrounds through the years was so interesting and really hits on the loneliness & internal strife faced by our focal points as we fly into the present. I like to think I “have it together” but this book is a reminder that each and every person has or is having a life just as full as me. A little more kindness, a little more curiosity, and a little more going the extra mile defines the “redemption” I think all these men find as we approached the end of each of their stories.

This book made me stop and think about how I can be more open & be a better husband & father. Like the author I think about what world my son will grow up and hope that I help propel him into a positive functional adult. A great non fiction read.

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

An empathetic narrative of four men navigating their own journeys with masculinity. This non-fiction book reads more like a fiction narrative; it often feels tempting to call the men “characters”, though they are real, everyday people. The book is not an analytical sociological piece on the men; rather, the book aims to demonstrate how so many struggles that the men navigate - the pressure to provide, lean into aggression, and not show any vulnerability - are relatable to anyone, but particularly those who identify as, once identified as, and/or are perceived as male. Though I personally would have enjoyed more sociological analysis, I still found value in getting to know the inner lives and thoughts of the men in this book.

[Jennifer Brunner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not normally the kind of book I would pick up, but I am so glad I did. This brief glimpse into the lives and fears of four different men, and their struggles to thrive in a world that has increasingly rigid definitions about what it means to be a man resonated with me as a woman, a mother, a grandmother, and a teacher. In the intro, Conn notes that he broke journalistic norms by allowing his subjects to read their stories before he published them. For me, that note added an imprimatur of authenticity to the book and to the men’s deeply personal stories. As a teacher, I have taught multiple trans students over the years, so Nate’s story was especially meaningful. This was a wonderful book and an important read.

[Angelina DeVincenzo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tore through this book and feel confident it will stay with me for a very long time. An important and insightful commentary on the struggles of masculinity told through four unique stories.

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was just a biography of 4 men with no attempt to join their stories to the greater issues of modern American masculinity.

[Sunrise · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is written well but i felt as if i was treading water waiting for it to become interesting, i think it would of been better if it focused on one guy.

[Grace Wiles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will admit to some bias because I have an investment in the life of the author, but this was really really incredible. One of my favorite things about narrative nonfiction is how it shows, time and time again, that real life is often much more interesting and meaningful than what we could imagine. I was really, deeply moved by the honesty and heart of this book. I hope you read it.

[Caleb Best · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful story surrounding the lives of four men–all with their own issues and insecurities that not only shape the way in which they move through the world, but also shape the way in which they see themselves. A book like this could have easily slipped into a novel about why men need more attention and how hard life is for them; instead, Conn made a book that shines a light into the inner struggles and insecurities that are unique to men, and have unfortunately led some to look for blame outward instead of digging in. Luckily, Conn has chosen to show examples of men who have done the hard work of self-reflection–the moments of solitude, tears, and self-admittance–and have come out the other side not only a better person, but a better man. There is no one way to be a man, but a good start is to ask yourself if the person you are being is who you are or who you have been told you need to be. Would that boy who loved to play with action figures and didn't care about the gender of the person he played family with, nor the color of who he shared his snacks with, would that boy be happy at the man you have become? If we teach boys that being kind and being yourself is the most important thing, we will have a world where men no longer feel as if they can't share their insecurities.

[Tyler Atwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Four portraits of American masculinity that leave the interpretive work largely to the reader. Jordan Ritter Conn trusts these stories to speak for themselves. I appreciated this approach, although I would have liked a concluding reflection—something that gestured toward the larger questions the book is raising.

The profiles are varied, empathetic, and surprising—not the versions of masculinity that immediately come to mind when you hear the phrase “American men.” I was invested in these men’s lives and recognized my own anxieties in theirs. That said, I did want a little more about why these four men, out of the dozens he interviewed, became the book’s focus.

My lingering frustration isn’t with the book itself, but with the unfortunate reality that the readers who would benefit most from this kind of intimate, compassionate portrait of modern masculinity are probably the least likely to pick it up. Alas.

[Katie Hobbs]

I have a hard time rating non-fiction stories and will withhold a rating here.

This book was suggested to me by a friend due to the potential of great discussion- it would be a great book club book.

The author shares in depth stories of four men in hopes to portray what it means to be a man in America. He starts the novel citing “Men wield outsized power across all major institutions. But they are falling behind across all measures of well-being and success.” He plainly states some of the ways the men are ‘failing’ in today’s society and uses the real-life examples for readers to help answer ’why’?

The writing was beautiful but I was left frustrated throughout - and perhaps that is the point. I found myself being frustrated at the lack of emotional intelligence and independence of these men- despite the authors warnings in the introduction. It forced me to give pause to think through potential causes and assess my own reactions. While growth is displayed by the end of the book, I wish the author provided more of the process/ journey for the men in hopes to guide others who identify with any of the persons/ stories.

Overall, a very interesting novel worth reading.

[Stephanie Dargusch Borders · Rating 4 out of 5]

An exploration of what it means to be a man in our society. This book follows four men over the course of five years and relates their troubles and joys. The four case studies are— Nate, a Black ftm trans man; Gideon, a man who went to Westpoint and met his future wife, a marriage that ended due to his wife’s unfaithfulness and led to an eventual drinking problem; Ryan, a gay men living on the Rez; and Joseph, a man who is slowly being consumed by memories of sexual trauma he endured as a child.

The narrative structure reminded me of one of my favorite books, Random Family. Every time I read a book that is seemingly inspired by it, I’m so excited to read it. This was no exception.

[John Gaudes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Floored by this, really. The storytelling, narrative style and writing is so good here, and the four stories are all powerful. Ritter Conn leaves it to you as the reader to decipher how capitalism, culture and generational trauma have created the modern definition of masculinity that these men aspire to, and the lack of prescription or solution made the read even more profound. This is just an eye-opening look at what it's like on the ground for men from four very different walks of life. Highly recommended.

[Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially struggled with understanding the meaning of the four stories in the book. They are incredibly compelling, but hard to decipher within the context of the author’s introduction on bro culture, misogyny, and male domination in America. I had to go back to the introduction again after finishing the book and revisit the author’s argument on male expectations in America. It took some more reflection on my part but it finally started to fall in place. Overall, an excellent read. Well worth the journey.

[Chris Kiriakou · Rating 4 out of 5]

Repeatedly got under my skin and reminded me of the best and worst of my relationship to my own masculinity.

High praise. But also, I came to agree with a critique echoed in other comments - the structure of the book, which hooked me in the beginning, came to feel a little disruptive. Not so much that I couldn't enjoy the book or empathize with those profiled, but enough to begin to think it should have been structured differently. Do with that what you will; I still recommend it.

[Marisa Hallatt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book, and overall, it was a very interesting, beautifully written read. Going into it, I knew it might evoke some complex emotions, as I sometimes struggle to empathize with the trials of men in comparison to what women face. I really tried to put that aside and absorb the stories of these four men.

I found that the stories of the trans man and the gay man resonated much more deeply with me. At times, I had to actively check myself when I felt like some of the men’s problems paled in comparison to women’s struggles, reminding myself that this was their lived experience and their hardship. The storytelling is very touching as these men come to terms with their feelings and the constant pressure to show up as masculine—even when it goes against who they are.

As a mother raising a young boy in America, there are many valuable lessons in this book that will stay with me as I support my son’s growth into a man. A solid 3 stars for a thought-provoking, beautiful, and challenging read.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

We are so back

[Valeria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved getting a window into the vulnerabilities of these men through these stories. Multiple times I’d finish a chapter and sit with it a while, considering and thinking and feeling.

[Stephanie Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was simply profiles of 4 random men… no thought on what it means to BE an American man—or talk of the current crisis of men. It didn’t connect for me.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jordan’s writing is fluid, funny, and insightful; a nice blend of poignant storytelling and bawdy humor. His prose captures the inner workings of the male mind, which I didn’t expect but found engaging. His writing style helped me establish a kinship among the four men: complete strangers who couldn’t be more different from one another, yet share a commonality via their vulnerabilities.

The intro covers a little of this but I’d love to see an afterword or an update from the author on how he felt these stories connected (and learn more how the four men are doing now) but overall this is an impressive book that left me hoping all men will approach life with empathy and curiosity.

[Casey Michel · Rating 5 out of 5]

In an age of hand-wringing about American males and masculinity, this might just be this era’s best book on the topic(s). Deft writing, beautiful stories, bravery without the bravado—a book I couldn’t put down. What a feat.

[Calen Gene · Rating 5 out of 5]

What American Men lands so well for me is that being a man in America is not as simple as power, privilege, or the usual cultural shouting match. Yes, men still hold a lot of institutional power, and we should be honest about that. But a lot of men also inherit a terrible emotional playbook. Prove yourself. Stay controlled. Do not look weak. Do not need too much. Do not feel too loudly.

Now add being gay to that mess and the whole thing gets even more complicated. We are often expected to be emotionally intelligent but not “too soft,” attractive but not vain, masculine enough to be respected, but not so armored that we disappear inside ourselves. That is the part that hit me hardest. Masculinity is sometimes power, but it is also performance. Sometimes it is trauma in a fitted blazer. Sometimes it is shame doing CrossFit.

What I appreciate about this book is that it does not flatten men into villains or victims. It shows the harder truth. Men can be wounded and still responsible. Powerful and still lonely. Privileged and still deeply unwell. That is not an excuse. It is the beginning of a better conversation.

For me, this book is worth reading because it asks what kind of men we are becoming, not just what kind of men we were taught to be. Masculinity does not need to be destroyed. It needs to be examined, rebuilt, and made honest enough for real life.

[Barbara Wilgus · Rating 3 out of 5]

NOTE: I listened to this as an audiobook and my review is based on that experience.
I often half-jokingly say, “Why are men?” and this book is an earnest attempt at answering that question. The lives of these 4 men are at times wrenching, at times sweet, and I felt for all of them. I wish in the audiobook that there were different readers for each, that might have helped individualize their voices. I thought frequently of many men I know, and one I have convinced to also read this book and talk to me after. Perhaps I’ll learn more.

[Chelsea Knowles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really interesting book and an important read for our current society. I instantly connected with all four men’s stories and I found parts of this book to be quite emotional. Ryan is a gay Mohawk man, Gideon is a handsome white man with promise until his wife cheats on him, Joseph is a law student who is reckoning with the sexual abuse he experienced as a child and Nate who is a black transgender man. I most connected with Gideon and Joseph’s stories, Joseph in particular because of the sexual abuse aspect that I found to be very emotional. I enjoyed reading this and seeing how these men experienced the world. It was interesting to understand Ryan’s violence, Gideon’s masculinity particularly involving his heterosexuality, Joseph’s abuse and how it impacted his adult life and Nate’s experience of how to be a man when he was raised as a girl.

This would have been fantastic though if the author wrote some discussion around masculinity and linked it to the men’s stories. For example, there could have been links made to Ryan’s violence, his upbringing and sexuality to masculinity as well as how Gideon saw himself as a man especially when it came to sex to masculinity. I found it interesting that both Gideon and Joseph were in the military so it could have been interesting to have a discussion around the military and masculinity. I would have also liked more discussion on Nate and how transgender men fit into masculine ideals but also how they aren’t always recognised as men. This was touched on but not enough. This was very good though and I would recommend this.

Favourite quote - “A phrase worked its way into their shared language, a quick mantra whose surface meaning paled in comparison to what it meant in their home: Lucky little life. A Tuesday night at home, kids in bed, books in hand, fireplace burning. Lucky little life. A family hike on a Saturday morning, then everyone in the kitchen cooking together in the afternoon. Lucky little life. Maybe success meant finding more of these moments. Maybe it meant appreciating them whenever they arrived.” - From Gideon’s chapter.