Between 2 Gods: A Memoir of Abuse in the Mennonite Community

by Trudy Harder Metzger

The mountains rise, tall and majestic, stretching into the skies and gracing the heavens--that place where God dwells. I pause from my play, a young preschooler, to take in the breathtaking view, and wonder if I would be closer to God if I were at the top of that mountain. I feel Him in the breezes, see His angels in the raindrops as they dance in the puddles. At least that is how I imagine it. My heart is captivated and I want to know Him, this God who paints the beautiful sunrise and draws the curtains of sunset...

I hear murmurings that my father has threatened to kill us--his family. He flies into a rage, cursing disobedience, declaring damnation on the offender... He offers religion without relationship, and it seems that the church affirms this teaching....

These two Gods—the one revealed in nature, who makes beautiful things and whispers in the breeze, and the angry god who threatens, yells and abuses—collide, head on, in my mind, soul and spirit. I am confused and troubled. I pray to God. I ignore Him. I reach for Him. I shut Him out. I cry in desperation. I scream against Him, inwardly. I long to be held and loved by Him. I cringe. I fear. I flee.

And always my heart wonders: Which God is real? Which one is safe? Which one will ultimately save me? Which one will condemn?

My soul is tormented in the night, as the shadows dance on the walls of my room. I am seven. I am lost. I lie awake, afraid, wondering.... I am thirteen... the shadows still strike fear... the creaking stairs terrorize my mind... nightmares torment my sleep... I have tried the God of wrath, and He has left me condemned and lonely. I am abused, neglected and alone. I shut down... become numb and feel nothing. I am determined that I will not suffer forever...

...the God of my childhood is lost in the pain and trauma of abuse and I am left to struggle.... caught in a tug of war Between 2 Gods...


Foreword by Boz Tchividjian, founder of G.R.A.C.E (Godly Response to Abused in the Christian Environment) and law professor at Liberty University School of Law, and grandson of Billy Graham.

Genres: Nonfiction

246 pages, Paperback

First published March 3, 2015

About the author

I am uniquely me... and I've learned to love/accept who I am. I colour outside the lines... I love deeply, care with compassion, push gently, and invite without demanding response. After Jesus, family and friends, writing and speaking are my two main 'loves', almost equal to one another, and usually with music involved, somehow. My husband is the love of my life--21 years and I'm still crazy about him! I am a certified John Maxwell Team Speaker, Coach and Trainer, and spend my 'day to day' sitting face to face and heart to heart with abuse victims, or speaking at events and conferences, encouraging victims, and creating awareness. I also love mediating, and watching relationships heal. I love my life!


Between 2 Gods: Trudy's Author Site

Generations Unleashed: Registered Charity

Trudy's Blog

Reviews

[Cindy Boss · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trudy it was a pleasure to have met you and then to read your captivating story. It is awesome to see the love you have for the community as well as those who have suffered abuse and how you are brining forgiveness and heal in to many. Your book shares your life in a such a way that brings glory out of it all.

[Sinead · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book for a while, and was gifted with it recently. Being aware of the contents and knowing the author, I was curious to see how such traumatic issues would be dealt with. I was very impressed with not just the honesty, but the grace which prevailed throughout. From the beginning the book is filled with compassion not condemnation, and grace not hopelessness. Definately needs a sequel, though, for the follow-up on the remaining years. I hope there's a few more books on the way.

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a Mennonite Lady. She was born into a God filled world but her family distorted God and punish people. She believes in the good God and the one she gave he. She trys to balnace out and go with the Good God,

[Raelee Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a young child, Trudy Metzger was told horror stories instead of fairy tales, and her early life seemed to live up to it. A real page-turner, this haunting memoir is bitter and sweetened with too small drops of honey, but, in the end, redeemed with so much grace.

[Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Riveting

It seems that I have a hard time reading a book through these days. Not this one! It is a hard story to read, but it is a story of grace. God was there the whole time, loving Judy on the journey. I don’t know how a non-Mennonite will find this book, but my common ancestry makes it especially interesting to me.

[Gladys · Rating 5 out of 5]

The synopsis of Between 2 Gods is both heartbreaking and inspiring. It captures the struggle of growing up torn between fear and faith, pain and hope. The honesty and rawness in the description makes it sound like a powerful and healing story one that could help others who’ve faced similar struggles know they’re not alone.

[Samuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was somewhat baffled by this book. The author clearly suffered abuse at the hands of her family, but her account of events often left me confused. There were no grays in the book;everything or overdone was black or white. And the ending felt tacked on.

[Selina Weber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful. Eye opening. Soul searching. Leaving me more aware of abuse and giving me a more compassionate eye for those who have experienced it. I cant recommend this book to all due to its slightly graphic nature, but to a mature reader it is a inspiring read.

[Edna · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I really liked about this book is that after all that abuse, Trudy comes out on the right side of it all.