What We Wish We'd Known When We Were Newlyweds

by John Bytheway, Kimberly Bytheway

The reception is over, the decorations are put way, and the third tier of the cake is in the freezer. You have planned the weeding; not it is time to plan the marriage! What will life be like between now and your first anniversary? John and Kim Bytheway explore some of the wonderful adjustments of that first year. They talk about such things as expectations, communication, appreciation, commitment, and finances, and they also offer fun suggestions for keeping the romance alive on a tight budget--all the things they wish they'd known when they were newlyweds. So while you are waiting for the pictures to come back, snuggle up and read What We Wish We'd Known When We Were Newlyweds -- a perfect guide for going from anxiously engaged to happily married.

Genres: Nonfiction, Religion, Lds, Self Help, Church, Marriage, Adult

131 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

John Bytheway (born October 1962) is an American author and academic, who is well known as a comic motivational speaker for youth within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Born in Salt Lake City, Bytheway attended the University of Utah and Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah, receiving a Master's Degree in Religious Education. He also served as a missionary for the LDS Church in the Philippines.

Bytheway is a religious studies instructor at BYU, currently focusing on the Book of Mormon. He also serves on the Aaronic Priesthood/Young Women Writing Committee for the LDS Church. Bytheway and his wife Kimberly have six children.

Reviews

[Tawny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Favorite quotes:
1. "Generally speaking, men talk for information, but women talk for interaction."
2. "The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated."
3. "Marriage isn't any big thing, it's a lot of little things. Acts of kindness every day create a happy marriage."

[Shawnda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book. I think its so important to always strive to make your marriage better. One way Nate and I do this is by reading marriage books. This one by John Bytheway and his wife is perfect. Its written as a guide for your first year of marriage and I find it even perfect for our second year (as I suspect it will be for the rest of our lives).They give lots of great topics for discussion between you and your spouse. I reccomend this book to anyone who wants to keep their marriage happy and as strong as ever.

[Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Packed with learning for all married couples -- newlyweds or at any time in their marriage. Emphasizes the absolute need for communication but clarifies (better, for me, than ever before) the difference between what men generally seek when communcating versus what women seek. Suggests some critical foundational understandings which, if established between spouses, will prevent many conflicts between them and much internal personal turmoil. Included at the end of each chapter are suggestions for personal application and for at least one addional related book for the couple to read.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tys and I listened to this CD while driving around the Wasatch Front one Sunday. John (and his wife) are a little on the peppy side, and so they can get a little annoying at parts. However, there were some decent ideas that can be taken from the CDs. I highly recommend listening to the out-takes at the end of the CD.

[Rachel Heaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an awesome book. Stew and I read it during the car ride to our honeymoon spot. It even intrigued Stew and has helped us a TON in our marriage. It gives great advice for living together, adjusting to married life and being selfless. Very good read!!

[Grandma · Rating 5 out of 5]

We have been married for 43 years, and I think this is a great book for couples of any age. Love the Bytheways!

[Jill Broom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have a ton of books on my book shelves that I’m working on reading through then donating. This was one and quite the lovely surprise even in my 5th year of a happy marriage!

Takeaways:
• men talk for information, women talk for interaction
• use a rating system instead of yes/no when making a decision
• make an agreement that neither of you intentionally hurt each other
• no one is ever criticized into changing
• have gratitude and praise for your present
• the deepest principal of human nature is the craving to be appreciated
• marriage isn’t a big thing, it’s a lot of little things.
• daily acts of kindness make a marriage happy
• gifts of the heart > gifts of money
• forgive and forget: do not keep your spouse in marital probation
• love isn’t just a feeling: it’s a verb
• the study of doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior more than a study of behavior will improve behavior
• it is vital to grow together in faith in order to become more Christ-like


A wonderful book by a couple in the LSD faith!

[Heidi-Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

No book so short and simply written should have taken this long to read. Except when you are not just a newlywed but one whose first 2.5 months immediately gets thrown into stepmotherhood, living between two homes in two cities an hour apart, with 5 adult tenants among the two homes. AND is a children's librarian in the middle of summer reading. Yeah.

Aside from that, this is a great book. Nothing exceedingly profound as I have heard much of these lessons in various ways from various sources (LDS and not). I did like that one of the books they recommend was given to me by my sister for my wedding! Tied in perfectly with all the things I have learned in Wife for Life. And one to read frequently, even if just snippets, as I found myself hanging my head in shame realizing things I was reading in the book were mistakes I was making right around the same time! Good thing my husband is beyond amazing--and extremely patient with me.

[Rich-Allana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book about three months before my ex-husband filed for divorce hoping it would be sonething that might help with our marriage. However, I did not read it during that time frame. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I want to marry. As such, I thought I would pull this book out and read it. It really is a wonderful book! It helped me sort some of my thoughts about my previous marriage and how I would like things to be different this time around. I am now reading it again with my boyfriend and we are talking as we go through it about my notes and what he expects in our marriage. I really recommend it. Not just for newly weds. I think it's a good book to read when you are engaged as well. It will benefit your relationship and your life to read it.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As far as marriage books go, I love that this book is fairly light. It has a friendly tone and fun examples from their own marriage. It isn't as thick as some others I have looked at, but I think that is part of the charm. It was easy to read and to share parts with my husband. It gives many great principles and insights, and is probably a great introduction to marriage books. I would definitely recommend this as a wedding gift or for any newlywed. It is fun to talk about what they bring up, and they also have some references and recommendations for other reading on certain topics, so that if you want to read something bigger you can.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gets 4 stars because I read it aloud to my fiance (now husband) as we drove to and from Utah. So we stopped and discussed much of it. Doing that allowed us to talk about things many people may not have discussed previous to marriage. It ensured us that we were in fact on the same page on many different subjects. So it proved pretty valuable for us. :)

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Obviously this would have been a better book to read when I was engaged or first married, but I still think it had some good points. Most of what it said I had heard before so it was just a reminder book for me. I would suggest it to engaged/newly married couples. And I loved that John Bytheway added his usual humor.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so cute and fun, I loved it so much I read it in one day. This book was also really inspiring now it makes me want to be married it sounds really great (and actually really fun). I really loved all the stories about different dates and fun things that they did together, It was so cute! (There was a lot of different advice for marriage as well as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

[Jessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a good book as a new married. I would have liked to read it during the few months before marriage and then again afterwards. John Bytheway is a good author with with great insight and humor.

[Sherri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a great book to read when we were first married but it gives such great ideas I think it is great for any couple no matter how long you've been married. Sometime you need those little reminders!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

We read this back in 2001 when we first married. We have used two concepts from this book througout our seven years: the rating system (particularly when deciding where to go or what to do) and "sternfaulter."

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just finished this book after a recommendation from my brother-in-law Kris. Thanks! It was a good reminder of all the little things you can do to help your marriage stay young, fresh and exciting! Good to hear as our 8 year anniversary is coming up.

[Saralyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband and I listened to this on a road trip. It has a lot of great advice for newlyweds. I highly recommend this to newlyweds, oldlyweds and engaged couples. Or people seeking to improve themselves while waiting for marriage.

[Gaylene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wayne and I read this on our honeymoon, and now have a goal of re-reading it every year! This book was a great start to our marriage, and I would recommend it to all couples, whether you are just getting married, or have been married for years.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know it's kind of late to read at this point since I've been married 6 1/2 years but... I found it and read it anyway. The author is witty as usual and keeps your attention well. Offers good insight and advice for LDS couples, even if your not a newlywed!

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is nothing novel or new about the ideas in this book, but it is a concise and helpful review of ways to build and maintain a strong marital relationship. This book would be a great gift for newlyweds.

[Kalina · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I got this as a wedding gift and started reading it right away. We read about a chapter together every day. It helped us get through that awful first year much more smoothly than it would've been I'm sure!

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another short book, but has so many great reminders for strengthening your marriage and being your best self for your spouse. I definitely recommend this to newlyweds as well as seasoned couples. :)

[Lindsay Merrill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty cheesy and fairly simplified, but has good advice that we learned through our years as newlyweds too. Easy read with good resources and references if you want to pursue topics further either scientifically or religiously.

[Sarah Ruhnow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Got this for our wedding and it was such a great book. Love John Bytheway!

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been married for a while and found this in a box in our most recent move. It was interesting and had a couple of good points which I would like to incorporate into my relationship.

[Cristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

When me and my husband were first married, we read this book together! It has helped us a lot, especially that first year of marriage. Great book for newlyweds!!

[Kylee Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this shortly after getting married. Eric and I both really enjoyed it. I am sure there are things I need to revisit in it's pages.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hits the nail on the head so many times. Reading it made me realize what an awesome husband I have, and it opened my eyes to all the ways I can improve. And who doesn't love John Bytheway?

[Ellie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this book at my wedding or as an anniversary gift. (I can't remember) Well, I already knew what was written in the book. Common Sense.