What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single: How to Do Life As a Young Adult

by John Bytheway

These are the hard questions of the young single adult years, made all the harder by the pressure many feel to move from “solo” to “duet” status. In this insightful book, popular author John Bytheway explores how to do life as a young what to expect, how to cope, and where to turn for answers. John offers “The Parable of the Piano” as a metaphor for the young adult sitting alone on a piano bench with a piece of music, “ A Duet,” propped up in front of you. As people come by and offer their suggestions (“You could play that music if you tried harder” or “if you had more faith” or “if you weren't so picky”), things can get pretty frustrating. “Don't get too discouraged,” John counsels, and he goes on to offer plenty of sound advice on “getting joyfully through these in-between years.” You'll learn to stop focusing on things you can't control, to play the dating game in such a way that you'll have no regrets later, to express affection appropriately, to recognize when someone might be “the right one” for you — and when that someone might not be. Filled with counsel from Church leaders, John's personal experiences, and a healthy dose of humor, What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single is a must-have guide to young adult life.

Genres: Lds, Self Help, Religion, Inspirational, Young Adult, Mormonism, Church

139 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

John Bytheway (born October 1962) is an American author and academic, who is well known as a comic motivational speaker for youth within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Born in Salt Lake City, Bytheway attended the University of Utah and Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah, receiving a Master's Degree in Religious Education. He also served as a missionary for the LDS Church in the Philippines.

Bytheway is a religious studies instructor at BYU, currently focusing on the Book of Mormon. He also serves on the Aaronic Priesthood/Young Women Writing Committee for the LDS Church. Bytheway and his wife Kimberly have six children.

Reviews

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trying to find the right companion, struggling with the dating game, or even thinks about marriage, John Bytheway knows how to fight the good fight. In his book What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single, Bytheway teaches readers to see past the game and look for what is important in an eternal spouse.

This well-known motivational speaker for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and author of LDS youth books such as What I Wish I'd Known When I Was in High School and Dating 911 uses his extensive knowledge of gospel doctrine and personal experiences to put common marriage phobias to rest. Bytheway communicates with singles after spending the years following his LDS mission in search of an eternal companion. Bytheway currently works as an institute teacher at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

Using the format of a piano concerto, Bytheway starts with the "Program Notes" and continues until the "Finale: Crescendo." The nine movements give advice on everything from who you should and should not date to dealing with a failing relationship.

Although this is not a work by a church authority and is, therefore, the author's own ideas, readers can easily relate to the straightforward tales of love and relationships.

The insightful words of ecclesiastical leaders, parents, and entertainers combine to form a guide for readers who are clueless about single life.

Through humor and common sense, readers will be thrilled to learn that hope exists for all of us who are sick of that four letter word: Date.

[Madison · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was good, however I thought it was really really basic. It gave advice like, don't be too clingy, stay busy after a breakup, and that confidence is attractive while insecurities are not. Pretty primary suggestions if you ask me, I mean isn't all that stuff pretty obvious?

I wouldn't NOT recommend this book, I would just not recommend it for anyone who is almost graduated from college and still single. It seems like it was written with a college audience in mind, so what about the rest of us!? This would probably be a very good book if read at the beginning of one's college career. Otherwise, I think as people get older they figure a lot of this stuff out on their own, so it becomes a bit redundant.

[Kale Moss · Rating 4 out of 5]

LDS Author of YAL. This is a book written with advice and tips about being a single adult moving toward a future in which their plans involve a spouse. It contains personal experiences from the author and quotes from disciples of Jesus Christ that offer hope and comfort for those whose plans may not be working out the way they had imagined. I really really liked this book! John Bytheway writes informally, like he's talking to a friend, rather than as though he knows everything and is telling you exactly what to do to find success. I enjoyed this book, got a few laughs out of it, and ultimately felt uplifted, even though I'm not yet looking for a spouse.

[Kellie's Book List · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was another quick read by Bytheway. I believe the book is focused on young young-adults, like those who have just graduated from high school. However, I think because he wasn't married until his late-twenties, he had good advice for those of us who have waited much longer than they expected. The last chapter was the most enlightening and inspiring - the waiting is the hardest part.

[Courtney King · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think John Bytheway is such a great guy. I really appreciate reading his thoughts. This was a nice book that I was able to quickly finish in one sitting. He has some nice insight. I finished feeling uplifted.

[Zoey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great advice on how to be happy while single and tips on dating. This is a great book for anyone 18+ who is single, and may want to get married. Even if you don't want to get married, it still is a great book. Like I said, it tells you how to be happy while single.

[Jacque · Rating 4 out of 5]

MK gave it 5 stars, CN gave it 3.5. I gave it 4 stars.
We read this aloud for school. CN and MK thought it was great and they need to read it again when they start dating to get married. This book is full of practical advice on dating do’s and do not’s.

[Mikayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Important reminders that I'll need to look back on often, I'm sure of it.

[Tasha Vance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice. Leaves me with more thoughts and questions than answers. I think that's half the point.

[Morals · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book a lot.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book on cd during my single years and found it very helpful.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

OK, so was was browsing through some of my old books and found this one from my single days. I think that my mom gave it to me. Yes, it is quite a cheesy-EFY/youth counference speaker type, but when I skimmed through it again, I realized that it has some REALLY good, just basic single/dating/social life info that everybody should know- but doesn't. There's a lot of stright-forward stuff that I think people often need to hear. I wish I had read it a little more seriously and taken it to heart during my BYU days. I think it would have saved me a few hang-ups.
Honestly, I think a fireside for singles, using this book and around it's topics would help quite a few folks out.
I'm going to save it so that I can remember to teach my own children some of the principles when they start dating.
I also think it could be helpful as far as making and keeping friends.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book about 5 years ago, right around when I was graduating from high school. I never bothered to read it for many reasons. But I picked it up and read through it this week (probably because I'm panicking about being graduated from college and single) and rather enjoyed it.

Most of the book is dedicated to dating and potential marriage and it was a nice read. It would have done me a lot of good to read when I got the book (which is probably why someone gave it to me) but I still got a lot out of it, as far as confirmation that I've done well and I know who I am and where I'm going better than most (though of course I still feel lost ... blah, done rambling).

This is definitely a Mormon book so if you're not well versed in or comfortable with Mormon culture, this may not be the best book for you.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great easy read for Young Single Adults about dating and marriage. Though it may be short, it is packed with doctrines and quotes that only add to an even greater experience. Bytheway has a way of getting me motivated to go out and DO something, which is exactly what I'm doing. What a difference I have seen in my life by choosing to act--in other words, I'm choosing to play a piano solo intro while I wait for my partner to arrive so we can perform the duet together. (See this analogy in greater detail in the book.) I'm not sitting idly by, waiting for him to come along. I'm going to start up the entertainment and DO something... Who knows, perhaps he'll hear the music and that is what brings my duet partner to my side. You just never know the influence your actions can have.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informational

This book is a great guide for any YSA who thinks about dating. From learning to cushion and clarify your rejections to learning to be happy with single life, this book is full of quotes and suggestions on how to make the most of your dating (or non-dating) experience. This book is strictly for an LDS audience, primarily for those trying to win the dating game, but contains good advice for others as well. Full of helpful insights and funny remarks, this book is a quick, entertaining read.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book in audio form (on cd), a live recording. And it reminded me a lot of another talk of Bytheway's that I've heard before. That talk is actually on BYU's website for free download. The link is here: my link text. They may or may not be the same talks, but they have some of the same stories and they're both very funny. Both are definitely worth the addition to the library. When I finally have kids, I'm going to force them to listen to/read this speech. It's absolutely amazing!!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is easy and enjoyable to read, I finished it in one day. He shares personal experiences with being in college and as young single adult. He also has many good quotes from LDS Church leaders about being single and on dating.
I feel like this book is better for a college freshman or recently returned missionary. Reading it in my mid-30s I found things I'd already read/learned many times. So this is a quick read and good intro into topics a single adult should know, but it is not very in depth.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I want to go out and buy a copy for each of my children. John starts by going through basic information for starting off on your own whether you are headed off to college, to a job or on a mission. He even covers the pitfalls of credit cards. Much of the book discusses the topic of relationships and dating, but it is all done with John Bytheway humor and down to earth common sense. This is a must for all single adults!

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good advice about dating and doing life when you're young and single. John Bytheway has given us some good advice in this book when it comes to playing the dating game and how we can all be careful with our thoughts and emotions. From dealing with breakups to signs that someone really likes you John has done an excellent job with dating advice. Even if you're not of a religious faith or believe something else, this book can give you excellent tips on the process of dating.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uh-mazing. I read this book a little over a year ago and, hands down, there has not been a talk that has helped me more with my single life. Every time things get me down and I need to figure out what to do, I turn to this book and it always has an answer for me. I need to thank my crazy friend James for telling me about it because it really saved my life when I needed it most.

[Sheralyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book came in handy when i thought i found "the one" and he really wasn't "the one" for me. My favorite chapter is "don't let break-ups, break you up" i had already done everything he listed to do to get over it, how odd and neat is that! awesome book.

[Angelee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to all Single's everywhere. This book has helped me so much as I've tried to play the dating game. John Bytheway is so down to earth, and doesn't color coat anything about how difficult dating really is. This book is truly a must read!

[Camillle · Rating 4 out of 5]

John Bytheway is so inspirational. And hilarious. And so down to earth. Love his work. If you like his stuff, I highly recommend The Best Three Hours of the Week. It was also really good. I listened to it on cd in the car. :)

[Glasdow Teacosy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terrific book with an excellent collection of quotes from General Authorities. Originally targeted for 18-25 year olds, I found Bytheway's personal accounts told through an adult lens helped it skew older. Good advice with excellent examples. Glad I read it. Highly recommended for LDS singles.

[Tyson Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just got around to this after not having much success for the past 10 years ha. Should have read it right after the mission. May have had better success all those years. Oh well, all part of the plan, right?

Good reminders in this book. Uplifting. Def worth the read.

[David]

Is it wrong to love self-help books? They're just so entertaining, and, if you're willing to admit it, you sometimes get really good advice.

[Cristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for single adults who are tired of the whole "dating scene". I read this book when I was single and loved it!! It has some great insight.

[Wachlin007 Hotmail · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when I was a single guy, I really liked it. Sometimes people get down that they're single, this book shows that its not all that bad and how to be successfully single.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book, great info, great humor. I would suggest this book to any LDS single person out there.

[Crystal]

very motivating