Till I Die: Why Football Means Everything

by Damien Pearse

You can change where you live, your hairstyle, the kind of music you listen to, your job, your spouse. But you can’t ever change the team you support.

Dr Damien Pearse is a level-headed man. A psychologist, he spends his days encouraging patients to adopt a calmer, more grounded approach to life. And yet on match days all this unravels. He becomes anxious, panicked, sometimes belligerent, and if things go well for Wolves, manically ecstatic. And he is not alone – wander through any British town centre on a Saturday night and watch as the aftershocks of wins and losses spill out into the real world. Football means so much to so many.

Pearse meets with superfans, scientists, players and trolls, uncovering what drives our unwavering obsession with football. Examining ideas of identity, belonging, shame, modern masculinity and the most extreme acts of football fanaticism, Till I Die offers a poignant reappraisal of an enduring national pastime and passion.

Genres: Football

397 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 3, 2026

Reviews

[Joe Sweeney]

By Joe Sweeney

A lot of books have been written about football down the decades, from exhaustive club histories chock-full of statistics and blingy player biographies to glossy picture publications and cup-winning souvenir specials, but few – if any – have tapped into the emotional and psychological make-up of the average football fan as richly and engagingly as this vividly rendered new work by Dr Damien Pearse.

A highly regarded former investigative journalist, Dr Pearse is now a well-established practising Doctor of Psychology specialising in trauma. And a lifelong, diehard Wolverhampton Wanderers supporter, for his pains. In Till I Die, he utilises his considerable writing skills to craft a refreshingly frank, very funny, oddly emotive and sincere deconstruction of what it truly means to be a football superfan. The end result is a creditably accomplished and highly readable exploration of the topic.

Drawing on personal experience and a wealth of interviews, correspondence and anecdotes, Dr Pearse examines the full range of emotional extremes the beautiful game stirs in normally level-headed individuals. Just what is it about 22 men kicking a ball around a field for 90 minutes that catapults a usually equable, even-keeled grown man into becoming an unhinged lunatic, screaming and cursing at a television set as though his life depended on it? That's the question at the heart of this thoroughly entertaining offering.

Following a searingly honest and particularly amusing introduction, in which the author details his own mental unravelling while watching helplessly as Wolves go down 3-1 to Liverpool at Molineux, Part One – The Man Who Punched Jack Grealish – sets the tone for a journey into the souls and psyches of those for whom football really is more than just a game.

Through a rollercoaster series of meetings and encounters with superfans, scientists, players and trolls, Dr Pearse presents a compelling exploration of the reasoning behind the all-too-real football-related ecstasies and agonies experienced by millions of otherwise grounded people the world over. He takes readers on an extraordinary journey that stretches from the streets of Nairobi to the secure wards of Broadmoor Hospital, revealing football's profound impact in ways that are often surprising and deeply moving.

Till I Die examines everything from the tragic deaths of football supporters in Kenya to the way conversations about football help some of Broadmoor's patients overcome isolation and emotional barriers. Along the way, the author reflects on his own experiences of being dismissed online as "not a real fan", speaks with football widows through Mumsnet, and explores the psychology behind fandom, including its links to identity, status, shame, belonging and even bipolar-related symptoms. The result is a fascinating, compassionate and exceptionally well-researched book that demonstrates why football can mean so much more than simply what happens on the pitch.

This is an intelligent, intensely engaging and deeply moving read, using real-life stories to explore the extraordinary emotional power football can hold over people's lives. The writing is colourful, compassionate and compelling, drawing the reader into moments that are by turns fascinating, shocking and profoundly human. Even for those who aren't passionate football supporters, this is a memorable and thought-provoking book that stays with you long after you've finished it.

I was lucky enough to get my hands on an advance copy from the publishers, but for anyone who feels a deep empathy and connection with our nation's favourite sport, Till I Die is a must-have. I can't recommend this magnificent debut highly enough.

[Greville Waterman]

This is the book that we football fanatics have been waiting for as it goes a long way to explaining if not always justifying our overwhelming, overbearing and indeed overarching passion or should I say obsession for the game.

Serious, thorough and scholarly yet also laugh out loud funny at times I knew that I could identify with the author right at the start when he identified himself as a teacher of Mindfulness and then described his appalling (to outsiders) behaviour when watching his beloved Wolves sink to yet another defeat.

He ranges far and wide interviewing fellow obsessive fans and health experts trying to explain why football is the overwhelming interest for so many and I found myself nodding away at his conclusions.

His description of the madness, cruelty and group fury of football chatrooms in the wake of yet another defeat was particularly eye opening.

There is sadness too as he investigates the sad fate that befell one of the two Birmingham fans who appallingly assaulted Jack Grealish.

This is a book that all football obsessives should read as it will either make them think again or help them justify their behaviour.

I might try and get my wife to read the perceptive chapter on football widow’s but after reflection maybe I won’t as I want to remain married!

An important and fascinating book.

[Daniel Britcher]

So much has been written about the passion and reach of the beautiful game to become the only truly global sport, transcending geography, class, race and gender and be such a unifying and dividing force. So I thought I knew what to expect as I sat down to read this book.

I was pleasantly surprised. This isn’t just another book about football. On his journey the author meets fans across the world to talk about the meaning that football has given to their lives. The accounts that they give are honest, frank and at times deeply poignant and vulnerable accounts of the much wider context of their search for meaning and belonging. The almost confessional nature of the book is a testament to the authors ability to not only connect with his subjects but also to narrate his own personal (at times disturbing) account of his own relationship with football.

I enjoyed the journey with the author immensely and came away both enlightened and amused. A thought-provoking, moving and ultimately uplifting exploration of why football matters—not just as a game, but as a way of making sense of who we are and where we belong.

[Jacob Reuben]

The frequent pain and occasional joy of being a football fan is captured beautifully in this book. Part-memoir, part-psychological investigation, Till I Die charts a deft course through the absurdities of fandom, and will be tragically relatable to anyone who has seen their team fall victim to a highly questionable VAR call or a last-minute worldie from the opposition.

Reading an advance copy of this book has not helped me to become any more rational or balanced in my relationship with the beautiful game, but at least I have found succour and understanding in these pages. And it's very funny too - highly recommended!

[Imogen Liddell]

I found this book hilarious and heartbreaking. I'm not a die hard football fan but I was so gripped and moved. Damien Pearse offers a visceral and illuminating insight into what it means to be a football supporter. He beautifully combines personal experiences and expertise to explore the baffling and intoxicating rollercoaster of football fandom. However, what surprised me most was how much deeper this goes into the human psyche and our deeper needs. This book is painfully honest, self-aware, and really informative. It's not often that things make me laugh out loud from reading. Also made me cry and get goosebumps at the end.

[Mark Mukerji]

"It's the hope that kills you, but not in this case!”
Unlike supporting your team, or your country, and finding yourself forever hoping for a good result, with this author, you don't need to worry as you are in exceptional hands, and it delivers on so many levels. It has its base in the football world but taps into all elements of the human condition. It made me laugh out loud, cry, and question and reflect on my own behaviours and attitudes across a surprisingly wide spectrum. It is so cleverly written, weaving threads together throughout its pages like the scribes version of a Tarantino movie!
It is a must read, and I don't hope, I know you will not be disappointed!

[Sophia Terry]

I feel sooo conflicted over this.

It’s such a much more narrative read than I was expecting.

If you go in wanting to have a heavy nonfiction deep dive (like me) I think you might be a bit disappointed.

This is more of a reflective football fan biography with some light science.

While I found it moving to think about all the way football does connect people and create family I also wanted to learn more about why it makes people crazy which I’m not sure I got.

Thank you to the publisher for this arc.

[Steve Burt]

You can change your job, you can change your partner, but you cannot change your football team ! Why does football invoke irrational actions from otherwise rational folks ? Very fortunate to have been sent advance copy of this book, a fascinating insight and explanation of the psychology behind our emotional attachment to the ‘Beautiful Game’. I was immediately gripped. The author has such an engaging and relatable writing style, that draws you in and prevents you from putting the book down, almost like he knows you and is chatting to you personally.
Fabulous read !

[Fiona Brennan]

“Fascinating!”
Wow! I heard about this book a while ago and have been looking forward to reading it - and the wait was worth every second!! Whether you love football or not, this book is an honest and deeply moving exploration of the psychology of the game and the extraordinary hold it can have over people’s lives.
Damien explores the joy, belonging, identity, and friendships that the game can create, but also the darker side — obsession, addiction, violence, rivalry and loss.
An incredibly thought-provoking read that will stay with you long after you’ve finished it. More please Damien!!

[Reader]

I received this book recently and, while not a die hard football fan myself, I throughly enjoyed it.
The first few pages had me laughing out loud and got me hooked. it gave me a huge insight and understanding of the passion for the sport.
It helped me to better understand people I know who are crazy about the game.
I highly recommend this book.

[charlotte,]

Galley provided by publisher

Till I Die is a fascinating look at the psychology of the football fan, initially via the author's own experiences, before drawing in others' too. It's also a book that makes it very clear to me that, for all I know I'm into football and find myself (alas) emotionally impacted by my team being dogshit, I actually don't take it as seriously as all that. There are stories in this one of fans who identify so strongly with their team that it drives them to act in terrible ways; Pearse does a good job of balancing relating these stories - he doesn't demonise anyone, and he is empathetic towards them, while not excusing the behaviour - and contrasts well with the immediate, tribal and occasionally violent, initial reactions, particularly in online spaces. I do think there could have been a bit more discussion of psychology in this one, but it's less a psychology book in the context of football, and more a football book with a sprinkling of psychology, and that's fine. It's an interesting primer to the topic.