Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships

by John Amodeo

Winner of the 2014 Silver Independent Publisher Book Award in the relationship category and winner of the Spirituality and Practice Award as one of the best spiritual books of 2013!

The search for inner peace is often met with what seems like a conflicting path– the irresistible pull of love and connection with others to which we are drawn.

Reconciling these opposites, John Amodeo shows how spirituality and vibrant relationships are identical. He says that Buddha’s concept of the root of suffering is misunderstood. It is not desire that causes suffering; desire is the fire that springs from the basic life force. Drawing upon the science of attachment theory, Amodeo illuminates how the root of our suffering is disconnection from ourselves and others, which is fueled by clinging to what doesn't serve us

In a conversational tone, Amodeo presents relationship as sacred experience. He teaches how to welcome desire mindfully rather than suppress it and how to overcome fear of failure in relating. He also discusses meditation as self-intimacy and holding ourselves with loving-kindness. Lastly, he explores the role of community in spiritual awakening and the issue of whom to trust—our guru or ourselves?

Genres: Self Help

314 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 4, 2013

Reviews

[My Book Addiction and More MBA]

DANCING WITH FIRE was an interesting read. It was about looking at past behaviors, explaining why we react to certain situations the way we do, and how to move forward. Recognizing the why was really important to me. I found myself reading certain sections and saying “hey that is me”. It also explains the difference between “religion” and “spirituality”, “flight and fight response”, etc. A lot of the information was based on Buddism and for me, this was distracting at times because I am not familiar with Buddism. Because of this, I found myself putting the book down frequently. Having said that, I did find it informative and I did learn how to recognize my behaviors.

Rating: 3

Reviewed by: KellyR

Courtesy of My Book Addiction and More

[Shannon]

This book came to me at the exact right time in my life. I struggled to reconcile the themes taught in yoga of detachment with my desire to connect deeply and intimately with others. This book parses out the purpose of detachment and describes how the eastern and western philosophies ultimately have a similar goal of developing a fulfilling and generous love rather than a needy and draining co-dependency. I believe that this book has added value to my life, has made me re-think my relationship goals, and has allowed me to embrace my inner fire and to allow it to burn rather than trying to douse the flame.

[Michael Ambrus]

One of my first reads in mindful awakening.

Good introduction to modern spiritualism for the non-spiritual. Some valid pointers especially concerning attachment personality types.

Cons: Too fluffy occasionally. Some claims are ungrounded.
Pros: Reference list

[Ana Ulin]

Quick notes:
https://anaulin.org/blog/2017/03/book...

[Sarah]

I mostly agree with John Amodeo's perspective on mindfulness, feelings, and intimacy, and I think his main points of this book are important and have the potential to be useful for people. However, the actual presentation of his ideas suffers greatly from significant repetition and flowery writing. Every once in awhile there was a sentence that stated things in a way that really resonated with me or brought a glimpse of insight, but most of the time it felt like he was just repeating himself without saying anything new. The entire book is written in the first-person plural ("when we do this," "we feel that," etc.) and I found it increasingly irritating as the book progressed, perhaps because it was simultaneously both vague and describing things that I do not necessarily personally experience. Additionally, the book is dominated by being a response to the common Western interpretation of Buddhism as preaching non-attachment, so if you aren't familiar with that or have not bought into that perspective, I think the book is less likely to make sense or feel particularly relevant.

[fj baggins]

John Amodeo, a long-time marriage and family therapist and Buddhist practitioner, integrates the principles of the dharma with modern psychology including attachment theory, repositioning Buddhism for those in the West. A weakness of Buddhist philosophy is its neglect of intimacy and love relationships, which Amodeo discusses at great length.

[Terry]

Its been the right book for me at the right time. I read it twice.

[Maetreyii Nolan]

John Amodeo writes brilliantly on how to bring mindfulness into our personal love relationships. I love the way he leaves nothing out and addresses our human frailties and shadow along with those aspect of light and love. Embracing all of who we are and bringing our best self to share with our beloved.

How to access inner peace and calm and bring this into our relationships is key to maintaining a balanced and healthy way of being with all of life.

[Kelly Ross]

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