Den of Thieves

by Stephen Adly Guirgis

Maggie is a newly single, junk-food-binging shoplifter looking to change her life and her self-hating ways. Paul is her passionately convicted, formerly four-hundred-pound compulsive-overeating sponsor in a twelve-step program for recovering thieves. Maggie's jealous ex-boyfriend is a charismatic wannabe Puerto Rican small-time thief of uncertain ancestry named Flaco who spins a grammatically challenged but persuasive yarn about seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars in unprotected drug money sitting in a safe in a downtown disco guarded by an easily distracted crackhead. This dubious and ragtag would-be criminal crew is rounded out by Flaco's new girlfriend, the fabulous Boochie—a malaprop-slinging topless dancer who refuses to let her troubled childhood or her third-grade reading level stand in the way of her inevitable path to fame, fortune and fur. When things don't quite go according to plan, this bickering quartet of hapless thieves finds themselves at the mercy of Louie "The Little Tuna" Pescatore, a reluctant, donut-ingesting heir to the criminal empire run by his father—"The Big Tuna"—who has left him in charge for the weekend. The penalty for stealing from the Tuna is death—"Ba Da Bing, Ba Da Boom." But Louie offers them a break: "I need one body and three thumbs, you can choose the who, whys and wherefores among yourselves." Tied to chairs and able to move only their mouths, they must now fight for their lives by out-arguing each other as to who deserves to live. Verbal gymnastics and the struggle for self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love produce a high-octane battle for survival that's not resolved until the last donut falls.

Genres: Plays

57 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Stephen Adly Guirgis is an American playwright, screenwriter, director, and actor. He is a member and a former co-artistic director of New York City's LAByrinth Theater Company. His plays have been produced both Off-Broadway and on Broadway, as well as in the UK. His play Between Riverside and Crazy won the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Drama.

Reviews

[JD · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Thanks for sparing my life, big dog!"
"You wanna life of wealth and luxury?"
"Do you wanna life of blowjobs?"

"Stephen" definitely has a kinda style and story structure he found he's good at and ran with it.
I love the premise of heist goes wrong, someone's gotta die, but who. But I wish for once, there was a more serious tone. I wish that the possibility of one of them dying was drawn out more. Flaco is introduced as a threat, but is a big softie with an attitude. Maggie doesn't have ant growth, she's a thief who regrets, and is willing to give up her life, but not for any reason of self development. She just sees herself as a burden.
I could go on. But I had fun reading this. I'd definitely love to direct it someday.

Wake-up, San Francisco!

[Aaron Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is very silly. I did laugh some, but I kind of can't imagine why anyone would produce it. It's more of a longform set of bits than it is anything else.

[Abby Wentworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

hilarious read, so excited to be doing the first scene for charlottes class

[Izzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great fun!

[Rachel Trimble · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a funny satiric show that I enjoyed reading. I like the characters and they way they play off of each other.

Would Reccommend?
Yes

[J Jewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first play. So many memories, and Maggie has a special place in my heart forever.