Don't Cry, Pappa

by Gunnar E. Skollingsberg

Parents live in perpetual, subconscious fear of losing a child. For Gunnar Skollingsberg, this ultimate nightmare has come true not once, but twice. In his memoir, Don’t Cry, Pappa, he chronicles his journey from devastating, suicidal depression to tentative, fragile healing. Gunnar was able to work through his darkest periods and recover the drive to live beyond his children’s deaths. He eventually refocused his life’s purpose to bring moments of happiness to other children.

A refreshingly honest and evocative memoir, this book is filled with unimaginable heartbreak as well as pure love and joy. Truly, Don’t Cry, Pappa works just as well as a self-help book as it does a memoir. With universal themes and an innate structure, this is a good read.

This is a poignant and often insightful book that is both heartrending and ultimately bittersweet. The fact that the author is able to be so open about his thoughts and feelings (even those that might be hard to admit), is what makes this a memoir worth consideration.

244 pages, Paperback

First published February 4, 2015

Reviews

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir of a man who has suffered and survived the tragic loss of two of his beloved children in separate accidents. It tells the story of his painful childhood as a new immigrant in America, growing up in a dysfunctional family. He survives the harsh treatment by his parents, and the ridicule of his classmates for being different, and makes it to college. He later marries and his first son, Erik, is born. But after two years, the marriage fails and following the divorce, he is left with only occasional visits with his beautiful boy. Then one day, while driving home from a movie, tragedy strikes when a drunk driver slams into his car. Erik is unconscious. The paramedics take him to the hospital where he gets the devastating news that his young boy has died.

At first, grief stricken beyond words, he sinks into a dark depression. Eventually, he begins to cope with his loss. He finds love again and remarries. He builds a new family, though Erik is never out of his thoughts. His second marriage ends in divorce. His three children, Karl, Margit, and Lisbeth remain a joy to him and the center of his universe. But then tragedy strikes again, and he’s faced with the loss of his beloved girl, Lisbeth.

It is too much pain for one human to endure. His grief is compounded by the deep depression he suffers. But eventually, he reemerges. This story shows us that no matter the depth of despairs, no matter how tragic the loss, it is possible to survive and come out the other side. It is well written and heartbreaking, but offers hope for survival. I highly recommend it.

[R Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started reading this memoir I was under no delusions it would be an easy read only in the sense that I’m a parent and I couldn’t fathom how I would ever deal with the loss of my child. But I found that even though I cried for Gunnar Skollisberg the sadness quickly turned into admiration for his strength and ability to pull through at a point in his life where it would of been so much easier to just give up.
And even though “Don’t Cry, Pappa” is heartbreaking, I still feel compelled to recommend it to everyone I know because Gunnar’s life story from childhood to parenthood is a tale of spiritual triumph in the face of despair.

[Jenna Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the moment I started reading, I just couldn't put the book down. Your heart really goes out to little Gunnar, who finds himself in a new strange place, trying so desperately to fit in. From that point, you really hope that things will get better for him, but things go from bad to worse, and your heart breaks a little more every time disaster strikes.

From the start of the book, right through to the end, you really do go through an emotional journey with the author, and there are parts that I believe every reader will relate to. The theme of loss throughout is something that I related to, as I have, myself, lost a young child and could understand the rollercoaster of emotions that the author went through at the time. He describes the feelings of hurt, depression, emptiness, loneliness and anger so perfectly; in ways that I, myself, have never been able to put into words. I have always wondered whether that feeling of loss, and that dull ache that never seems to leave, will ever go away, and reading this book has taught me that is likely that it never will. As much as it pained me to read that, I plan to take away from the book the same 'positive' attitude that the author had, and that was to make the lives of others (mainly other children) and careless and pain free as possible, because every child deserves happiness.

This book gave me happiness, made me cry and has inspired me to turn my own personal demons into something positive. I want to thank the author for sharing his story, and allowing me the comfort of being able to read it. This book is a fantastic read for anyone, and I highly recommend it.

[Mary Aalgaard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gunnar Skollingsberg’s book, Don’t Cry, Pappa, is a very personal story of loss, grief and depression. Gunnar grew up in a strict, often harsh, Mormon family, the child of immigrant parents from Norway. They were far away from family and their support network in a state that had few Norwegian immigrants. After his difficult childhood, he was eager to get married and start a family. He and his first wife had one son, Erik. They divorced, but he was able to spend precious time with his little boy. When Erik died in a tragic traffic accident at age two, Gunnar was devastated. A few years later, he married again. He and his second wife had five children. They later divorced, and he fought for time with his children. His daughter Lisbeth died from drowning when she was 15-years-old. Another devastating blow that sent Gunnar into a suicidal depression. He is candid about his mental health, how he reached out for help from medical professionals and what he did to cope with so much tragedy. He spent most of his career working with children, and made a point of connecting with them and bringing joy and laughter into their lives.

[Peggy Klein · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, depression is real. We all go through depression at some time in our life. But to lose a child, let alone two children should be more than one should have to go through. After all, we are suppose to outlive our children. I am a nurse, I have seen depression. I have experienced depression in the loss of my own child. We all carry some guilt, about what it we had done this or hadn't done that. Would it have made a difference? My coping mechanism was God, my family, work and knowing that I was not the only person who lost someone they loved. Dr. Skollingsberg is very honest about what it is like to go through depression because this story is his story and he gives some very good coping mechanisms. I would like to thank the author, Gunner Skollingsberg, for giving me the chance to read this book which I won on Goodreads.

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was entered and was a FINALIST in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards. This is what our readers thought:

Title: Don’t Cry Pappa
Author: Gunnar E. Skollingsberg
Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Readers: 26
Stats
Editing: 10/10
Style: 9/10
Content: 10/10
Cover: 9/10
Of the 26 readers:
26 would read another book by this author.
24 thought the cover was excellent.
10 felt the best part of the book was the ‘honesty’
22 felt the style of language was perfect for this book.

Readers’ Comments
‘This is a difficult book and, I must admit, I kept putting it down. Being a mother of three, any book that looks at the deaths of two children and the psychological effects on the parents, is going to be a difficult read. I’m amazed that the author was even capable of re-living the events and his feelings so he could write this book. I congratulate him for that. This is a book about healing and the human gift of ‘moving on’ even from the most terrible events. It’s a terrible, horrifying journey, but the author survived. And he’s given the world this wonderful gift: this book, which, I hope, will help others to survive the twists of life.’ Female reader, aged 45
‘Fabulous book. Very, very sad but there is a glimmer of hope winding through it. Not an easy read but well worth it.’ Male reader, aged 37
‘To have lost so much and then to have written this marvelous biography is breathtaking. I feel so very sad for the two children but I’m glad I read this book. Highly recommended.’ Female reader, aged 57
‘The most intimate biography I have ever read.’ Female reader, aged 71

‘Powerful, gripping and, ultimately, heartbreaking. A FINALIST and highly recommended.’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

[Liz Vinc · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Don't Cry, Pappa: Surviving Persistent Depression and Heartbreaking Tragedies to Find a New Mission in Life" by Gunnar E. Skollingsberg, PhD, is a touching memoir about the author's life, particularly the family-based challenges and tragedies he experienced, and a portrait of survival and hope through pain and grief.

Skollingsberg chronicles the main events and inflection points of his life, from his early childhood memories of "feeling demeaned, worthless, and unwanted" as an isolated and abused immigrant son from Norway, to experiencing the death of two of his children, and the pains of divorce. Though these events caused the author to feel self-loathing, grief, and depression, the author shows that it is possible to press forward amidst the most heart-wrenching life experiences.

Henceforth, Skollingsberg loves his remaining children and makes it his professional and personal mission to help other children who feel lonely and worthless as he once did.

"Don't Cry, Pappa" is an incredibly well-written memoir with thoughtful reflections and overall positive messages of survival through very tough times, and specifically, the persistence of hope after the loss of a child. The author is inspiring in that he is able to repurpose his life to do good for other children after the personal losses he suffered.

Skollingsberg's "Dont' Cry, Pappa" is a must-read memoir for individuals looking for a role model who can lead by example after experiencing personal tragedies and less-than-ideal life circumstances.

[Darlene Otet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. I enjoyed this book, as it gave me an much better understanding of depression. The book is about depression and tragedy, topics that many people experience, but don't talk about. It is difficult to relate to people that are suffering from these, because we don't know how they feel and we don't know what to say to them! The descriptions of how people feel when suffering from depression are great - and a real eye-opener to non-sufferers. Most people suffer from mild depression, but have no idea of the depth that depression can go, and this book helps to explain that. The tragedy of losing a child is also a difficult topic, and very hard to relate to without having experienced it. This is a great book for everyone to read, and especially for anyone who knows someone suffering from depression, or suffering from depression themselves! Understanding that you are not alone is crucial to dealing with this condition!

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book as part of a Goodreads giveaway

There are multiple things this book did very well; it is easy to read, honest, detailed, and well organized. I also enjoyed the epigraph for each chapter, it was evident that plenty of thought was given to each quote so that they were poignant and always appropriate.
I do, however, resent both the cover and the title. They could have been far better but maybe I'm being picky. This memoir also failed to strike me emotionally in the way I thought it should have and it wanted to.
Having said that, I very much appreciate and admire Skollingsberg's attitude after so much tragedy to choose to " Make a child laugh, every day." It really is something simple that we could all do.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started reading this memoir I cried and really connected with the story and struggle behind it. I could never fathom how to deal with the loss of one of my children and was heartbroken for Gunnar Skollisberg. However his strength, and perseverance to push onwards through such a trying point in his life left me speechless. It would of been so easy to give up and give in, but instead he found a new mission in life; To bring laughter and joy to other children. I highly recommends this wonderful read.

[gj indieBRAG · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are proud to announce that DON'T CRY, PAPPA: SURVIVING PERSISTENT DEPRESSION AND HEARTBREAKING TRAGEDIES TO FIND A NEW MISSION IN LIFE by Gunnar E. Skollingsberg, PhD is a B.R.A.G.Medallion Honoree. This tells a reader that this book is well worth their time and money!

[Ingunn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it!